End of the World
by Kitarin
Summary: Have you ever wanted to read the story within the story? This fic will take you through the entire GW canon while further exploring the complicated web of relationships between the Gundam pilots. 1x2, 3x4, possible others
1. Ch 1 Life is a Highway

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gundam Wing. This story is merely the result of my deep love and respect for the show.

**Author's Notes: **This story is researched and built entirely around the canon universe, but it may not always feel like that because I write a lot in between what happens in the show. To help you keep track of where I am, I'll do my best to include episode numbers. This story is long and there is more written than posted, with an outline for what is not yet complete. I won't abandon this story (as I know how frustrating it is when authors do that!) Some small parts may be scripted directly from the show, in translation. The main pairing should be evident by the time the first chapter is over, but there will be probably be other pairings throughout.

I am a musician and gleam a great deal of my inspiration from music, so you will find lyrics everywhere. I'll try to have the next chapter's song listed at the end of each current chapter. www-dot-mediafire-dot-com/?sharekeyb36dbb0ff0f6648f8c9e7c56ba37815f0ba2850049113844

I have been writing fanfic since 1996, but this is my first venture into the GW universe and I hope that this story brings you as much happiness as so many other fanfics have brought me. This story is dedicated to the 1 to my 2, who writes here ( www-dot-fanfiction-dot-net/u/436026/ ) as StrawberryL.

_o/ Meet me at the end of the world_  
_I'm waiting  
Meet me at the end of the world  
Please save me  
This could be the place where we start the rest of our lives /o_

* * *

**Chapter 1 – Life is a Highway (Episodes 1- 8)**

_o/ Life's like a road that you travel on__  
There's one day here and the next day gone  
__Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand  
Sometimes you turn your back to the wind /o_

* * *

_Ethereal. Glorious. Breathtaking._

All of these words and more rushed through Duo Maxwell's mind as he took in his first glimpse of the Earth from within its atmosphere. No pictures he had seen or descriptions he had heard could possibly measure up to seeing it all with his own eyes.

Piloting the shuttle down through the wisps of white clouds, he skimmed it along the water beneath him and could not help his whoop of joyous laughter. The turquoise ocean spread out below him, seeming to go on forever into the infinite blue sky and Duo longed to touch that water with his own hands. There was no such thing as a horizon line on L2.

It was possible that they'd discovered his theft of Deathscythe by now, but no communications or missions had come in at all yet, so he figured he was free to do as he wished. Piloting the shuttle towards the coastline while checking the maps to be sure he was far away from any major population center, the God of Death decided that he could take a few minutes to indulge before deciding what to do next.

The coastline was rocky and the forest dense just beyond the shore – a perfect place to stash a Gundam. Knowing the shuttle was far too big to try and hang onto, Duo set the autopilot straight into the ocean, bursting out of the back of it just before it went under. After laying Deathscythe flat among the vegetation, he picked his way out of the forest and down the rocky ledge to the narrow strip of shoreline.

"Hello, Earth!" Falling to his knees with a sigh, he jammed his hands as far into the hot sand as they could go before rolling onto his side and laughing uncontrollably. A heartbeat later and he was yanking his boots off, pulling his shirt over his head, kicking his pants aside and running towards the water.

The sun was warm, the water cold and the air sweet. The wide-open space, the limitless horizon... from his vantage point, Earth seemed to go on forever into the distance, right to the line where the sky and sea met. _The edge, the end of the world..._ Duo had never felt so free in his life.

* * *

Looking back on that first moment several days later, Duo wondered how everything could have possibly gotten so complicated so quickly.

_Two words... other pilots._ Well, if he wanted to admit it to himself – which he didn't – one other pilot in particular, whose name he didn't even know. One pilot he'd gone from admiring to wanting to strangle to ... to needing to... he wasn't exactly sure.

When he'd first seen the report coming in on Deathscythe's monitors, he hadn't ever guessed that the object being hunted feverishly at the bottom of the ocean would turn out to be another Gundam. _Another Gundam, with another pilot... another pilot I accidentally shot!_ Well, the shooting had been intentional, but that was simply because he hadn't known the other was also a pilot.

Folding his arms behind his head and staring up at the moon bemusedly, Duo could not seem to get that other pilot out of his mind. _What kind of crazy idiot jumps out of a building and doesn't use a parachute? Who has such pain tolerance that they can reset their own goddamn broken leg?!_

Duo might have admired the other boy more if he hadn't turned out to be such a self-serving jackass too. Or maybe he was just pissed that someone else had managed to steal something from him, master thief extraordinaire! He had trusted that other pilot and it had bit him in the ass. _Don't you know better than that by now, Duo?_ It had made his blood boil to watch that kid take off with parts of _his_ Deathscythe worked into the other Gundam, leaving him completely incapable of following. Luckily, Howard had been more amused than annoyed at the lack of gratitude.

Would he have done the same thing if he'd been the one with the mission? It wasn't as if he hadn't stolen parts before, but wasn't it ridiculous to destroy one Gundam to rebuild another? How could he know the answer if he didn't even know if they were on the same side? _No, no... we have to be on the same side to have shown up in the same place today..._

Sitting up suddenly, Duo beat his fist into the open palm of his other hand and growled in frustration. That _jerk_ had shown up after ripping him off, acting all high and mighty and saving him a blow from a few Mobile Suits. _As if he thinks he can write me off that easily! Hell no!_

Now, Duo was more determined than ever to find this boy on the next mission and demand some answers. If they were on the same side, they should work together! _Even if he is pretty fucking crazy... I suppose I'm not any better._ With a sigh, Duo lay back against Deathscythe again and gazed up at the moon, idly wondering if somewhere else, that other pilot was also looking at the moon. _He probably hasn't taken the time to appreciate how beautiful this world is..._

"Hey, Duo! Duo!!" Duo sat up, the sound of Howard's voice startling him out of his thoughts. "What's up, Duo?"

Glancing over his shoulder and down to where Howard was standing, he gave a small smile before turning back to gaze upwards again. "Just thinking how beautiful the moon looks from Earth."

Howard lifted the bottle he was drinking from as if he was toasting the moon itself. "You bet; it's a beauty."

"From the colony, the moon is just too close," Duo continued, his eyes wandering over it and comparing it to his memories from L2. "It's just like a graveyard."

"Yeah? A graveyard?" Howard echoed him, waiting to see if the young man would say more. He'd been oddly quiet since returning from his mission earlier that evening.

"Wonder how long I'll be able to see the moon like this..." Duo laughed softly to himself, his words barely loud enough for Howard to hear. "I doubt if that guy even looks at the moon." Folding his arms behind his head, Duo stretched out on top of Deathscythe again. "He should enjoy life rather than trying to outsmart me. While he's alive, that is." _Because tomorrow... tomorrow I'll make him see that we're better off sticking together!_

"I know what you're saying, but it's not that simple," Howard replied, shaking his head and turning away as he realized that Duo wasn't even listening to him anymore. He was convinced that the other pilot had gotten under Duo's thick skin and he muttered to himself as he walked away. "It's just human nature."

"What's that guy doing?" Duo murmured, lapsing into silence once Howard was gone. He was already itching for it to be dawn – the next mission was tomorrow and this time... this time, he already had a plan. At least, part of a plan...

_And maybe I'll find out that other pilot's name..._

* * *

_o/ There's not much time left today... /o_

Heero Yuy had royally fucked up.

This was the first thought that ran through the pilot's mind as he jumped down into the hole he had just created with Wing. He had seven minutes to salvage this disaster of a mission – not so much because he felt he was worthy of living himself, but simply because more lives would be lost if he let the New Edwards base explode.

How had everything spiraled so far out of his control?

Heero grimaced as he followed Quatre's directions to the missile he needed to disable. He wasn't scared or worried about running out of time – he'd already calculated the percentages of his success and how fast he needed to move to achieve it. If only he hadn't let himself get thrown off by...

_Duo..._

The name drifted through his thoughts, calling up the image of the cheeky pilot and his quirky sense of humor. Certainly, the entire Operation Meteor had started out badly thanks to that Relena girl, but it had only gone to worse when the other pilot had shot him, gotten him captured and then proceeded to botch a rescue attempt when he could have escaped unnoticed much more easily. _Damn, that kid is annoying._ No matter where he went, every time he turned around, Duo and his smirk were right in his face, pissing him off.

_What the hell is the matter with me? I should have killed Relena multiple times by now. I should have told Duo to fuck off. I shouldn't be thinking about either of them! I'm not thinking clearly!_

Heero was angry with himself for the games he'd been letting that other pilot play with him, but couldn't admit to the smug satisfaction he'd felt in stealing parts of Duo's Gundam and then saving his ass on top of it. It might have ended there, but Duo had shown up yet again to stow away on his stolen freighter and made it seem like they were now the best of friends.

_-- This time I definitely won't let the mission fail! How about trusting me a bit? --_

Trust... impossible! Duo's request echoed in his ears. Heero did not have friends and did not trust anyone and he didn't see any reason to change that fact.

Reaching the missile, he quickly disarmed it, turning off his radio so he didn't have to hear the joyous exclamations from the other end. This was no success in his book. He had acted too impulsively and doomed them all and he had no idea what the hell he was going to do next.

_Destroy OZ._

Teeth and fists clenched, he made his way back to Wing, surprised to find a shuttle waiting for him nearby. All of the other Gundams were gone already, so he quickly loaded Wing and hurried to the cockpit. He would not let himself get distracted again. He would lay low, alone, and wait for news from space. He would plan, alone, a new way to take out the OZ leaders. He would find a way, by himself, to make amends for the mess he had created. And then he could die in peace.

The only snag in this new plan, he noted as he flew the shuttle away from the base, was that he was being followed again.

_Shit._

* * *

_o/ Life is a highway, I wanna ride it all night long__  
If you're goin' my way, I wanna ride it, all night long  
There ain't no load that I can't hold  
Road so rough, this I know  
I'll be there when the light comes in__  
Just tell 'em we're survivors... /o_

* * *

**Up Next: ****Chapter 2 – Here's my Hello (Between Episodes 8 & 9)**


	2. Ch 2 Here's My Hello

**Chapter 2 – Here's my Hello (Between Episodes 8 & 9)**

_o/ You turn me on  
Now don't turn it off  
Cause I don't want to fade out tonight.  
Your lips are the sweetness,  
Your body's the sin.  
A single touch and my skin is electrified_ /o

Heero Yuy swung gracefully down from his Gundam and stalked across the sand with a stony glare. He didn't give the other pilot a chance to breathe before fisting a hand in his shirt, throwing him roughly up against the leg of his Gundam and demanding an answer. "Why did you follow me?"

Out over the ocean, the sun was just sinking beyond the horizon line, casting a last amber glow against the clear and darkening sky. In the sheltered cove where they'd landed, waves sloshed around Duo Maxwell's ankles as he considered how best to answer the boy in front of him. It was the first time they'd been close to really get a good look at his face and Duo was startled to realize that the dark eyes hidden under the mop of messy brown hair were actually an intense shade of midnight blue.

What _had_ possessed him to turn the carrier around and follow this pilot away from the base? The act of disarming the missiles had been a near suicide-mission and it was unlikely any of them would have made it out alive if he hadn't succeeded. That alone was amazing and curious – something he himself hadn't even thought of attempting at the time. Still, Duo was pretty sure his intrigue now went beyond a vague life-debt, even if he couldn't quite put his finger on what exactly it was about this person that had so caught his attention. The only thing he could admit to being sure of was the fact that he wanted to know more.

Unable to ignore the tingling in his fingers or the buzzing in his ears, he tilted his head and offered a grin, deciding that, as always, the best option was the truth. Lifting one hand to casually brush the hair out of his eyes, he shrugged and answered simply. "Intuition."

If it was possible, Heero's eyes narrowed even further with distain as he icily hissed, "Excuse me?" The pilot in front of him certainly didn't see the severity of this infringement on his personal space, and then to answer so flippantly! Heero's blood boiled and he couldn't resist the urge to raise his right fist and take a swing at Duo's ever-cheerful face.

Luckily, Duo had the good sense to have expected that his response might evoke such a reaction after everything that had happened and so he promptly twisted out of Heero's grip to duck the punch. It was an automatic response to try and take a return swing, but he didn't quite bother putting all of his energy into it.

Heero easily caught Duo's offending fist, but stalled to return another of his own as their eyes met and they both realized the futility of it all. Not that Heero was pleased, and his glare remained intense as he finally released his grip on Duo to turn and stalk up the beach. He didn't pause as he turned to call back to other pilot, "If you plan to continue following me, help me hide the Gundams."

Duo took a moment to straighten his clothes as he watched Heero's retreating form, sure that he'd just been given as much invitation as he would probably ever get. He couldn't help but be slightly amused at how antisocial and aggravated Heero appeared to be, as if Duo had gotten far more under his skin now than when they had first met. _He's an odd one, that's for sure… but anyone who would reset their own leg or jump off a building and not properly use their parachute has got to have a few screws loose._

As his fellow pilot started to blend into the dusk, Duo started after him, jogging across the beach and into the dunes separating the shore from the forest. He tucked his hands behind his head in a carefree and nonchalant manner as he came up beside him and mirrored his steps. "So… I'm assuming that you already have some sort of plan for what to do next?" He watched as Heero quickly scouted the area, searching for the best place to conceal their Gundams.

Heero nodded as his gaze was focused on the far off landscape. "After we've hidden the Gundams, we'll be infiltrating a civilian boarding school as students. It's just over a mile north of here and we can easily access it from the shoreline," Heero explained plainly. A school was the safest place for them to blend in until things blew over and if anything did go wrong, Heero had to admit, if only to himself, that it would be useful to have another Gundam around. For the most part Duo seemed to be his ally, despite the fact that during their first meeting he'd shot Heero twice.

Still, it annoyed Heero to have a tagalong off the battlefield. Duo wasn't what he'd consider a friend - Heero didn't have friends. It didn't help that this particular braided pilot seemed to make a pastime out of getting under his skin and generally pissing him off.

Heero came out of his thoughts as his eyes settled on a good sized cave nearby. It looked secluded enough and would be difficult to access without proper ropes, which he had, but most students wouldn't if they accidentally stumbled across it. Satisfied he turned to head towards the beach.

Duo followed Heero back to the beach after he'd located the cave, studying his body language and also turning over their earlier meetings in his mind. It was obvious that the other pilot was annoyed with him, and yet, that only made Duo want to get under his skin even more. He couldn't help that he was a tease, for a life on the streets had given him a twisted sense of humor and the habit of making light of times and things that he should probably take more seriously. He wondered if he'd be ducking more punches before the night was through.

When Heero climbed wordlessly back into his Gundam, Duo did the same, following him to the cave and retrieving his duffle bag before they scaled down the rocky wall and started hiking towards the school. He couldn't complain about Heero's plan, since he didn't really have one of his own, but he doubted how well it would work until he saw Heero pull a laptop out of his backpack.

_Apparently he's not only an ace pilot, ridiculously strong and impervious to pain, but also some sort of genius hacker…_ Duo couldn't keep the smirk off of his face as he watched Heero's eyes scanning the screen, his hands typing rapidly, and he made a point of sitting down in the grass right beside him. And as if that wasn't enough of an invasion of personal space, he leaned into Heero to peer at the screen, so close their heads almost bumped. "Ooo… sign me up for marine science and technology!" he enthused.

If Heero noticed how close Duo was sitting to him, he didn't show it as he wordlessly continued clacking away on the laptop taking care of the usual – finances, classes, boarding, uniforms. He already had a layout of the grounds downloaded on his desktop and he scanned it briefly to figure out the best route to their dorm room once on the campus.

Satisfied, he turned to regard Duo, who was still unnervingly close as he calmly explained, "We're now officially students at this school. Tonight we have to slip into the dorm unnoticed and tomorrow it'll be off to marine science," Heero said, almost teasing, a bit amused by Duo's show of interest in such a strange subject. "If things go well, we'll be gone before the administration even figures out we're here."

Heero finally stood, putting distance between himself and the other pilot as he tucked his laptop back in his bag and prepared to hike towards the school. They still had a long night ahead of them and the sooner they got started, the better.

Duo couldn't help but chuckle softly at Heero's response and he slung an arm loosely over his companion's shoulders once he had finished repacking the laptop. "Heeeero," he drawled slowly to make sure that the other boy was aware that he'd finally learned his name. "I wouldn't have guessed you have a sense of humor."

Truthfully, Duo was pleased to see some depth of humanity from the perfect little soldier, even if he tried to hide it, and it gave him hope that they might have real conversations in the near future. He knew that caring about anyone else while on this mission was in some way a liability, but after seeing all of the pilots come together at the base, he couldn't help but want to connect with the only people who had any real idea of what he was going through. "I'll follow your lead," he added as an afterthought, unable to keep the bemusement off of his face or out of his voice.

While Heero wasn't particularly thrilled to have the lanky boy draped all over him, he didn't shove him away either. Duo was turning out to be slightly better company than Heero would have expected, if only because he didn't seem to mind letting Heero take the lead. As long as Duo wasn't jeopardizing their position, Heero wasn't going to argue with him about his odd behavior.

It didn't take the two boys long to reach their new campus, and seeing as it was well after midnight the only people out and about were a few guards. Once in the front gate of the grounds Heero led them to the left to scale around a small set of gardens before they ran into the school's outer wall and followed the perimeter of the building instead.

They had made it around the back by the time Heero paused to pull out his computer to check the map. It only took him a handful of seconds to verify the data he needed, but the light from the screen had attracted attention to them. In the distance a guard's flashlight spun to point in their direction and it was quickly joined by a second and third that began to advance towards them.

Heero swore, but didn't run as he tore through his bag for a grappling gun and a length of rope. He quickly slung his bag over his shoulder and tied one end of rope to the grappling before taking aim. Heero aimed the grappling at the tip of the stone roof, satisfied as he fired it and heard a crunch as it became embedded firmly in the building. He gave it a sharp tug to be sure it was secure before handing the gun to Duo. "If you pull the trigger again, it will reel you up to the roof, so be prepared," he hissed in explanation before swiftly shimmying up the other length of rope still in his hand.

Duo wasn't sure if he should be touched by the fact that Heero seemed to actually care about his safety at all… or insulted by the fact that he also seemed certain that he could climb the rope more quickly and thus leave Duo to the "easy" method. _Is he protecting me or just trying to make himself look bad-ass and crazy again?_ _Either way…_

The lights were rapidly closing in and Duo made one of his usual impetuous decisions. Kicking his feet against the brick wall for momentum, he pulled the trigger to head upwards. The gun shot him swiftly into the air and he reached to wrap his free arm around Heero's hips, dislodging him from the other rope rather violently in the process. He might get a punch thrown at him again for such a brash move, but wasn't it a hell of a lot faster to go together, no matter the possible blow to the perfect soldier's pride? "Waa-hoo!" he cheered softly, ever-amused by his own antics. _Hmm… better hope this thing holds out!_

Heero had to resist all urges to yell loudly or punch out his companion, seeing as he wanted to remain undercover, and he managed to keep a level head as they flew effortlessly upwards towards the roof. Heero held Duo's arm unnecessarily tight briefly to keep from falling, but he hoisted himself above the roofline first. He was obviously seething with anger, but chose to ignore Duo as he turned to the edge to quickly hoist up his rope and yank the grappling out of the building. He remained near the edge as he peered over it to spy on the few guards clustered below them who inspected the area but quickly moved on.

It was then that Heero turned to direct his glare upon the reckless pilot in response to his little stunt. He didn't bother to yell, but he made a point of harshly shoving Duo with his shoulder as he passed. He knew the guards wouldn't bother looking for them all the way up here - they had probably thought it was just a few students out of bed. Still, the faster they made it to their room the better.

Duo licked his lips to suppress the laugh, but had no luck with the smirk. Heero's temper had become his newest favorite toy, just one more thing in the list that made him undeniably drawn to the other pilot. He was so different from Duo and yet somehow the same, but also completely unlike anyone he'd ever known. _As if that makes any sense…as if he makes any sense…_

_o/ Can't get a grip now  
I'm in too deep.  
Give me a taste of your love  
Then you're gone  
How can I catch you and swallow you whole  
With a sway of your hips I lose control /o  
_

Duo watched Heero head towards the door on the roof that surely led inside, his eyes traveling from the dark hair down the rigid back and to the slim hips before he finally stopped staring and hurried to catch up. Heero was stuck with him now - there wasn't any turning back at this point, after all.

Heero struggled with his thoughts as they made their way into the building. On one hand he was annoyed with Duo for acting so brash, but all's well that end's well, isn't it? The braided pilot hadn't blown their cover and in fact he'd helped them get away even faster. And yet Heero still found his skin crawling in annoyance as he thought back on the event. Why was it that everything concerning Duo seemed to annoy and confuse him all at the same time?

By the time they'd reached their dorm room Heero was exasperated with himself as much as with Duo. He made quick work of the lock and was relieved when he was finally able to dump his bag on the ground and shut the door behind them. Now they would be safe for a few hours until it was time to attend classes, and Heero felt some of the tension ease out of his shoulders as he sat down on one of the twin beds. He found his eyes wandering to the other pilot, whom he realized looked as exhausted as he himself felt, and Heero found some of his anger ebbing away. They were stuck in this together for now and they would only make things worse for themselves by fighting constantly. _As strange as Duo is, he doesn't deserve the short end of my temper._

Duo dropped his duffel bag the moment they were inside the room, glancing around at the meager surroundings. Two beds, two desks, a closet and a door that probably led to a bathroom. It was probably just like every other boarding school-university-type dormitory. Living on the streets before taking refuge in an orphanage, Duo felt vaguely out of place in his current scholastic surroundings. He covered this awkwardness with his usual brand of humor, flopping down beside Heero on the bed and nudging him with an elbow. "Hey Roomie, what if I decide I want this bed? Do I have to fight you for it?"

He said all of this with a heavy dose of charm and smarm, hoping that it covered up the fact that he was a little out of his element. However, he knew very well how to get along with people of all shapes and sizes thanks to his years on the street, so he was sure tomorrow wouldn't be a problem. Despite that social ease, he was having a lot of trouble reading Heero beyond a surface level and hadn't yet figured out why he couldn't seem to win him over.

Perhaps more importantly, he hadn't yet figured out why it was so important to him to succeed at such a task in the first place.

Heero had to wonder briefly if Duo had some sort of suicide wish or if this was really just his personality. It seemed to him Duo was trying to provoke him, though he couldn't fathom why. Deciding to remain unerringly calm, he replied, "Only if you want to go hungry tonight." A rumbling gurgling sound seemed to emanate from both boys' stomachs at the mention of food and Heero had to hold back a small smirk.

Duo let out a long and dramatic sigh and finally let just a little of his façade slip, his smile softening as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the wall. "I'll admit to being ill-prepared for this venture. I _might_ have half a candy bar stuffed in my bag somewhere." He shrugged rather ruefully at Heero, waiting to see how the genius had already solved this dilemma too. As much fun as he was having provoking Heero, maybe he ought to lay off for awhile and give them both a small respite to relax a little.

Even if Duo hadn't relinquished the bed, he wasn't about to starve the kid. "We'd best make this quick then," Heero urged as he stood back up, grabbing a few small tools from his bag as he headed to the door. Peeking out into the hall, he motioned for Duo that the coast was clear and silently moved down the hallway. At the end on the right stood their destination – two brightly lit vending machines filled to the brim with cakes, snacks, and sodas. Within fifteen seconds Heero had the locks popped open and swung the door back to allow them to take whatever they wanted.

Being a master lock-picker himself, Duo was deeply impressed by how quickly Heero broke into the machines and he wasn't too proud to not tell him so. "Smooth," he murmured softly into Heero's ear as he leaned forward to peruse the contents of the vending machine. His braid slid over his shoulder and brushed against Heero's arm, but Duo wasn't paying attention to it.

"Mmm… cheese and sugar and starch and sugar. Wholesome goodness." He helped himself to packages of crackers and cheese, some tiny and delicate cakes, more candy, several bottles of juice and water, plus a can of soda. "Please tell me you hacked us into the dining hall program for tomorrow," he whispered.

The combination of Duo's breath on his neck and hair softly caressing his arm had stopped the perfect soldier in his tracks. He felt as though a bucket of ice water had been dumped unceremoniously over his head and he shivered involuntarily. The sensation only further fueled his internal confusion about his current companion.

Duo's rambling about food brought Heero back to his senses and he replied softly, "Yes, we should be able to have breakfast there in the morning. This is just to hold us over." By then he had selected a few bags of pretzels and some shortbread cookies to go with his water and juice, not wanting to be too hyped on caffeine to sleep when he actually had a bed. Heero shut the machines behind them and followed Duo back to their room, his piercing gaze never leaving the other pilot's back as his thoughts continued to try and analyze what had just happened.

Once they were back in the room, Duo kicked off his boots before flopping on the bed with his stash of junk food. He wasted no time in tearing open a cake and shoving it into his mouth, spraying a few crumbs as he spoke. "Thanks." Now that they were alone and relatively safe, Duo felt his guard finally start to drop a little bit. "It's been awhile since I had the chance for a good night's sleep. S'never really restful with on eye always open, y'know?" He ripped open a package of crackers and crammed two of them into his mouth before cracking open the can of soda, already feeling the sugar from the cake zipping through his system.

After Heero had slipped off his sneakers and placed them neatly next to the door with his socks, he joined Duo on the other end of the bed. With all the snacks between them, Heero popped open a bag of pretzels and nodded his head in agreement to Duo's comment as he watched the other boy eat. For perhaps the first time Heero was forced to stop and really consider the similarity between himself and Duo. He understood the other pilot's situation because it was his own, but he didn't understand why that made him feel less isolated. As he finished swallowing a pretzel, Heero reflected, "We should enjoy it while we can."

As Heero reached for his second bag of pretzels, he noticed he was lagging behind in finishing his snacks. Duo had already torn through one of his cakes and was hastily stuffing a second in his mouth. With the way he was eating them, Heero was surprised the boy was able to breath. He quirked a half eyebrow as he commented, "Ravenous much?"

Duo froze with his hand halfway to his mouth with another cake and colored sharply. He didn't say anything for a moment, since he was still finishing the previous cake, but averted his eyes until he'd swallowed the rest of it, his cocky demeanor fractured just a little. Out of very old habit, he was used to being the observer and trying to go unnoticed, so it always unnerved him just a little when someone studied him as closely as Heero seemed to be doing in that moment.

"I, ah…" he started, finally looking up again, shaking his long bangs out of his eyes with a soft chuckle. "I've been a little too busy to even think about eating lately," he admitted with a shrug. The regretful look disappeared from his face in a moment, though, as he reached for his can of soda, took a gulp and grinned. "It's too bad, really, because I _love_ to eat. The dining hall tomorrow morning is going to be a _feast_."

Duo's momentary slip in demeanor didn't go unnoticed by Heero, but the stoic pilot chose at first to let it go as he fixed the other boy with a searching gaze. He was perplexed by the braided boy's endearing optimism. It seemed to him that someone in Duo's position would simply be putting up a happy façade, but he only sensed sincerity from his strange companion.

The strangest part of it was that he felt the slightest urge to laugh in response to that enthusiasm and that confused him further. How could someone in the same perilous and admittedly fucked-up situation he was in take it all so lightly? How could he sit there eating cakes and acting like he didn't have a care in the world? Internally, Heero was still tearing himself apart over what had happened earlier that day and in the face of Duo's banter, he found himself growing even more agitated. "I don't know how you can talk like that at a time like this," he muttered sharply, his eyes narrowing. He knew he was contradicting himself, joking around one moment and being snappishly rude in the next, but being around Duo just left him feeling so… jumbled.

Duo recoiled a little from the harsh reply, setting his soda down on the desk beside the bed before turning to face Heero, his hands braced on his thighs as he leaned forward. "I know things are unsettled and confusing right now," he started carefully. "But if it wasn't for you disarming those missiles, none of us would have gotten out alive."

He could handle people who were rude and abrasive, but it pushed his buttons when that extended to someone trying to make him feel stupid or inferior. _Not to mention what a hypocrite he's being, making a joke one minute and snapping at me the next. _ He knew that Heero's behavior probably had more to do with what was going on around them than anything he'd actually said or done, but he couldn't help finally throwing some of Heero's attitude right back at him. "What the hell is your problem anyway?"

Heero was momentarily startled by Duo lashing out at him, even if he knew deep down it was well deserved. But even so, the remark pissed him off, and Heero was instantly on his feet and glaring at the other pilot. "_My_ problem? What the hell is _your_ problem? _You're_ the one who followed me here in the first place, trying to pretend like nothing even fucking happened and now you're asking me what _my_ problem is?" Heero hissed angrily at Duo. He resisted the urge to scream in frustration. This whole day had given him one giant headache.

The perfect solider began pacing wildly, his guilt weighing in on him more every second. His expression was still angry, but he directed his gaze at his feet as he spat, "I totally fucked up! And almost worse than that, I was tricked into doing it. I let OZ use me like a puppet to annihilate our only hope for peace. I should have let myself die in that explosion!" Heero's hands were clenched into fists, but he held back his desire to punch something. The last thing they needed was to attract attention before school even started.

After Heero had finished his initial lashing and begun to pace the tiny room - three steps in one direction, turn and three back in the other – Duo slid carefully off the bed. Worrying his lip as he listened to the other pilot rant, a sense of guilt washed over him. He certainly hadn't meant for any of his teasing to ignite this, but maybe it was better for him to let it out. _Guy like this probably doesn't have much of an emotional outlet in his life, anyway… pot, kettle…_

As Heero wheeled back towards him, fists clenched and face white as he talked of his own death, Duo let his guilt melt into something closer to empathy. He took a step forward and lifted a hand to touch Heero's arm lightly, trying to make sure he didn't sound anything but sincere. "Hey, Heero… I know it's easier to blame yourself, but it's really not your fault. None of us knew he was in there. Any of us would have made the same call. You need to let it go so that we can figure out what to do next."

Before either one of them could utter another word, Heero had his fist in the front of Duo's shirt and was slamming the other boy into the wall. The commentary had pissed him off, but these last words left him feeling a sort of animalistic fury. What the hell did Duo think he understood so well anyway?

"What the hell do you know? You don't know what call you would have made because I didn't give anybody the time to step back and think the situation through! You don't know how this will impact our society! And you don't know how I feel about any of it so just back off!" Heero angrily grit out, his voice low and his face mere inches from Duo's.

The force of Heero's throw bumped Duo's head lightly against the wall, dazing him momentarily as the fist in his shirt became an arm across his chest and a knee between his legs nearly lifted him off the floor. If he hadn't felt so empathically connected to Heero in that moment, he might have feared for his life. Instead, he forced himself to remain calm in the tide of Heero's anger. "You're right…" he started softly. "I can't possibly know how you felt in that moment or even how you feel about it right now."

Duo paused for a moment, intensely aware of the way Heero's body was pressed so tightly against his that he could feel him shaking slightly. Lifting his head, he met midnight eyes that had gone nearly black and bit his lip so hard it almost bled. _He's even more beautiful when he's so righteously, passionately angry… wait… when did I start thinking he was beautiful? _

Mentally shaking himself, he tried to finish his thought, even if it might just get him punched. He seemed to worry a lot more about being punched since meeting Heero. "What I do know is how we both probably feel about our entire mission… how we value it more than our own lives! And I'm pretty damn sure any one that was on that aircraft felt the same!" He shook his head sharply, took a deep breath. "You are _not_ alone in this. Maybe most people can't understand the position you're in, but I do… I really do. And that's why I'm here now, why I followed you. I needed to be with someone I didn't have to explain it to… I needed to be with someone who wouldn't fucking pity me either… I… I needed to be with…" Duo trailed off, choking on the last word, glancing first away and then back again.

Deep blue-violet eyes shone with understanding, but also with a need to be understood, as they stared into Heero's. The stoic pilot felt some of his anger ebb at Duo's explanation, though his deep sense of frustration remained. He'd always felt so isolated in his mission, but had assumed such a thing was only natural. His line of work, or rather their line work, didn't often allow for moments of human connection such as this. Heero knew no one would ever fully understand him – hell, he barely understood himself - but some small part of him recognized that Duo could come close. And even though he was still frazzled, as Duo's words really sunk in, Heero let his guard drop and his defeat show. He knew that Duo was right, despite his prolonged self-hatred, and because of that, Heero perhaps understood far more than he had realized about his fellow pilot.

"Duo…" Heero's confusion was evident in his expression as he nearly whispered the other boy's name. No longer shaking with anger, Heero now felt like his skin was tingling with electricity where it touched Duo's. Part of him felt frozen in place, like he had been at the vending machine, but now a much stronger part of the perfect solider felt attracted to the empathic braided boy. Heero's gaze shifted from Duo's eyes to his lips as he worried them between his teeth and then he was acting on his impulses before he even realized he was thinking them. Lips were crushed against lips, and Heero un-fisted the hand in Duo's shirt to clutch at his slim waist instead. The unfamiliar sensations that washed over Heero only made him lean into the other boy more, pressing their bodies even more firmly together.

o/ _One kiss, two hearts beat in time /o_

The moment Heero kissed him, all thought flew out of Duo's mind. His heart caught in his throat and his stomach dropped into his knees before his instincts kicked in and urged him to reciprocate. Returning the kiss with just as much force, he drew Heero's lower lip into his mouth to suck on it and lifted one hand to curl into the dark hair at the nape of his neck. As the kiss slowly opened up, one tongue darting against the other in a play for dominance, the body pressed hard against his made Duo very aware of the fact that they were both quite obviously turned on. It felt to him as if the temperature in the room had just gone up ten degrees.

When they finally broke with a soft gasp of air, Heero took a step back and Duo slumped a little against the wall, watching him carefully. _Was that an accident? Or are we truly that drawn to each other? _ He had no clue whether he was about to be kissed again or punched again… no idea if Heero would bolt or try to pretend it hadn't happened.Instead of waiting to find out, he took matters into his own hands, crossing his arms lightly over his chest as a small grin played at the corners of his mouth. "Do you want me?" he murmured, his eyes locked on Heero's, purposefully cocky to cover up the nervous adrenaline that was racing through his system.

Never before could Heero remember looking someone directly in the eye and telling a boldface lie that wasn't for the sake of his mission, but he did now as he stubbornly huffed, "No." It pissed him off that Duo could stand there so cocky and calm and ask him such a question! His own insides felt numb and yet his pulse was racing as he stood and glared down the braided pilot. He wasn't sure if he would classify these sensations as 'want', but he knew he felt some magnetism towards Duo. Internally Heero felt very uneasy that he was left so affected when Duo seemed so composed. "Just stay away from me," Heero threatened, but it lacked his usual fervor. Their eyes only broke contact when Heero turned away with an almost defeated slump back in his shoulder as he headed for the door.

Duo wasn't bothered by the hasty "no" – he'd all but expected it, after all – but the second part of Heero's response hit him hard because of how defeated he sounded. _That wasn't what I intended…_ Taking two quick steps forward, he grabbed the obviously uneasy boy sharply by the wrist to stop him from leaving the room. There was a long moment of silence where neither of them spoke and Duo wondered, his eyes traveling slowly over Heero's back, why it was so important to him that the other pilot didn't just walk away from him. Replaying the conversation thus far, he suddenly realized that it was in the moments when he was being least sarcastic, most sincere… that the other pilot had responded. Hoping he wasn't about to be shot down, but well aware of the fact that in some ways he probably deserved it, he tried once more.

Sliding his hand slowly up Heero's arm, he took one final step forward and wrapped both arms around him from behind, his hands splayed on Heero's chest. They were roughly the same height, so that his chin just barely sat on Heero's shoulder if he was on tiptoe. He used this to his advantage, speaking softly into the other boy's ear. "Heero… I…" He didn't feel the need to apologize, so he simply settled for stating the truth of how he felt. "I don't want you to go…please, stay here with me…"

There was no way for Heero to hide the shudder that ran through his entire body as Duo's breath ghosted across his ear, and the stoic boy all but melted into the awkward embrace. He didn't need to see those blue-violet eyes to know that they were shining with sincerity, which made him feel better at the same time that it made him even more uneasy. Despite his earlier assumptions, Duo seemed to need and crave this contact as much as he did, but that went along with the implication that this meant something. Given a second to stand and think about what happening, Heero felt even more panic welling up in his gut.

It would be easiest to walk out the door and pretend this had never happened, much easier than turning around to face whatever it was that was between them, but Heero found himself unable to pull away. Duo's embrace was light enough that he could have easily brushed the other boy off and left, but everything from the hands on his chest to the pleading tone in Duo's voice left him rooted to the spot. "I shouldn't," he mumbled in half-hearted response, still caught between dealing with his emotions and suppressing them.

Duo's pulse jumped at the shudder and began to race at the mumbled response, his mind churning almost frantically now as he let his arms fall away, stepping around Heero so that they were face to face again. _Shouldn't isn't can't… or won't… shouldn't means that deep down underneath, you really want to…_

Heero sounded as if he wanted Duo to convince him of something, but the braided pilot was at a loss. It wasn't as if he understood these feelings any better than Heero did and he hadn't exactly had a normal life up until now. Hell, neither of them had normal lives now and it would be a surprise if they ever did. He couldn't make any promises about what was going to happen to them or the chaotic world they were living in. He had no idea what the future held, even if some days it seemed to be riding on their shoulders. Really, in the end, about the only thing he had to offer was just himself – his friendship and his loyalty, he refused to put any other name to it yet – and now that he knew that Heero really was feeling the same pull he was...

Duo met Heero's eyes, his expression defiant, terrified, thrilled, all at once. He lifted one hand to rest on Heero's chest and brought the other to run a thumb lightly over his cheek. "You can't deny me," he finally concluded, his voice soft, but certain, and he leaned in to kiss Heero with nothing less than the passionately reckless abandon he'd always been known for.

As lips met lips, Heero knew that what Duo said was true and he made no attempt to deny it or him. Perhaps he should have left when he'd had the chance, because there was no going back now. Heero let the sensations of the other pilot's hands, lips, and body wash away his unease and he found it was all too easy to forget everything when he was focused on Duo. Most thoughts soon ceased to exist, except those pertaining to this moment and Duo. He let their kiss deepen, tongues dueling with need.

Heero could no longer keep his hands to himself, and his fists unfurled long enough to clumsily grab at Duo's waist tightly enough to leave fingerprints. It seemed that acknowledging his desire for the other boy only made it that much stronger. Heero suddenly felt a distinct need to be on top of his companion and the bed seemed like a nice comfortable solution to his dilemma. He wordlessly guided Duo towards their cake-filled comforter, where he was forced to break the kiss as he threw the other boy backwards onto it.

Heero took a moment to appreciate the sight in front of him. Duo was spread-eagled on the bed, unable to hide the surprised and slightly lustful expression plastered across his gorgeous features in place of the usual cheeky grin as Heero loomed above him. "That's better," Heero said, his own lips quirking up slightly at the edges as he knelt over Duo and brought their lips together again.

Duo was surprised and quietly pleased when Heero took the lead again, his confidence returning now that he knew he had not misread the other pilot at all. He folded his arms behind his head, quietly enjoying it as Heero's eyes traveled the length of his body. In his time on the streets, Duo had flirted with and kissed a number of people, but he couldn't recall ever wanting someone the way he was pretty damn sure he wanted Heero Yuy right at that moment. As Heero kissed him breathless yet again, Duo slid his hands under the back of Heero's shirt, tracing feather-light fingers over warm skin and reveling in feeling so close to someone else on so many different levels.

Everything about this experience was new to Heero, who could count on one hand the number of times he'd physically touched another person in any way. Human contact was something Heero had no experience in at all - he had only his instincts to guide him in this situation.

Duo's caress further incited Heero's passion, and his own fingers were soon tugging up the hem of the braided boy's shirt so his hands could snake their way under the fabric. Heero marveled at how pliant and soft Duo's skin was under his fingertips and how the other pilot seemed to arch up into his touch. The thought that he was evoking these reactions out of Duo made Heero's pulse race faster and he found he enjoyed causing the other boy pleasure. Heero's fingers traced lazy patterns across Duo's abdomen until they accidentally ghosted across a pert nipple. As Duo gasped into their kiss, Heero realized he'd found a sensitive spot and proceeded to take the hard bud between his fingertips and massage it gently.

Their kiss was broken by the short gasp Duo let out, arching up into Heero's touch. His eyes snapped open, indigo meeting midnight for a long moment before Duo leaned up to kiss the corner of Heero's mouth. He had forced his mind to shut down all thought of what might happen when this moment was over because he was somehow sure that he could trust Heero. _Trust him not to hurt me? Or… just trust him not to die._ Duo slid the hands under Heero's shirt up to his shoulders, clutching him tightly for a moment.

_Stop it, Duo…_ As much as he tried to convince himself to push Heero away, he couldn't do it. It was as if he had no control over the way he responded to the other pilot. Duo was so used to holding people at arm's length, but he couldn't resist the pull between them. _We've come this far, both of us, haven't we… _Loosening his grip, he trailed his lips from Heero's mouth along the edge of his jaw until he hit an ear, drawing the lobe into his mouth to nip it lightly between his teeth. He slid his hands slowly down Heero's back again before trailing his lips open-mouthed down his neck, running his tongue along the curve where neck and shoulder met.

Heero let out his own groan of pleasure. It seemed that Duo had just as much ability to drive him crazy in this way as he did in his every day antics. Something about the other boy really made Heero tick, rendering him that much more irresistible in the stoic pilot's eyes. Heero couldn't control the urge to thrust their hips together, causing a friction that left both boys gasping as their erections rubbed hard against each other through their clothes. The intense heat building beneath Heero's stomach only seemed to intensify as Duo continued sucking at his neck and Heero knew he wasn't going to last much longer. He gave Duo's sensitive nipple a last pinch before he trailed his fingers down soft skin towards the other's slim waist. Heero's fingers shook slightly, but he didn't hesitate as he undid the button on Duo's jeans and slid the zipper down. He didn't bother to push down the other boy's pants, settling for simply slipping his hand past the waistband of Duo's boxers to fully grasp at his throbbing erection.

After the lengthy agony of that moment where he hadn't been sure if Heero was going to walk out on him, time now seemed to be moving so fast that Duo could hardly grasp everything that was happening. All the ships he'd stowed away on, all the objects he'd stolen and the battles he'd fought, nothing had ever been quite the same rush that this was. All of those things, though… they were all moments of that required nothing less than the utmost precision and control. This, on the other hand, this connection with Heero – it was much more about the absence of all control, a complete and total free-fall.

Duo could not help the moan that slipped out of his mouth as Heero's hand wrapped around him and he was sure that his eyes had probably rolled into the back of his head by now. He let go of the other boy's neck to reclaim his mouth again, and not willing to be outdone, he pushed his own hand in between them. A moment of fumbling later and he'd succeeded in slipping his hand into Heero's shorts. Without even trying, his strokes fell in to sync with Heero's and he panted into their kiss as he felt himself break out in a cold sweat, knowing he was close.

Heero kept their rhythm fast and intense, his strokes long and firm. Touching himself in the past had never felt as good as what Duo was doing to him currently, and knew he wanted this to last longer than it was going to. As he felt the oncoming of his climax, Heero's whole body went rigid and he bit down on Duo's lower lip as they kissed. He couldn't stop the involuntary thrust of his hips into talented hands and the pressure building inside him seemed to explode outward all at once. Heero came silently, collapsing on top of Duo as their passion was released.

Duo breathed in sharply as a shudder went through his body. Though his eyes were closed, it felt for a moment as if there was a bright and blinding light on the insides of his eyelids and his free hand gripped Heero's shoulder as if that could anchor him to this moment. He wound loose arms around the other boy's shoulders, not minding the weight of the other body lying mostly-on-top of him. Had they really just gone from near fist-fight to post-orgasmic in the space of an hour?

Exhaling a whispery laugh, Duo ran his fingers through Heero's hair as he felt his mind starting to drift. _No, not just an hour… or even a day… but maybe we've been building to this for far longer than I was willing to admit… maybe even since the moment we met…_ Too exhausted and relaxed to think any further on that idea or on the future in general, Duo was grateful that they didn't seem to need any words. He was content to let sleep claim the both of them.

_o/ Here's my hello.  
Don't say goodbye.  
Do you want me?  
Just stay here with me tonight.  
Look in my eyes, you can't deny me, no /o_

* * *

**Up Next: Chapter 3 – Someone to Save You (Between Episodes 8 & 9)**


	3. Ch 3 Someone to Save You

**Chapter 3 – Someone to Save You (Between Episodes 8 & 9)**

_o/ Patience… Took you for everything… /o_

Sunlight streaming in the window slowly roused Duo, and stretching sleepily, he rolled over and cracked open an eyelid.

_Damn._

The red numbers on the alarm clock read 7:47 and he had exactly thirteen minutes before he was going to miss the bus. Sighing, he threw off the blankets, glancing over at Heero's empty and perfectly made bed with annoyance.

_Even with the trip today, he still couldn't be bothered to even wake me up before leaving!_

The last three weeks had been quite possibly the best and worst time he'd ever had in his life. Slipping on his white button-down shirt and searching the pile of mess at the foot of his bed for his tie, he marveled at how easily a street rat like himself had been able to blend into a prep school full of rich kids. He was having the time of his life attending classes, playing basketball and eating so much in the dining hall that he frequently made himself a little ill.

On the other hand, his roommate had been more frustrating than ever.

Duo had woken the morning after they'd fallen asleep together in Heero's bed to find him already gone with no note or explanation. After getting horribly lost on the large campus, he'd barely made it to his first class on time and hadn't gotten to eat breakfast. _Not that today is going to be any different…_

In public, Heero acted as if they barely knew each other, which he supposed was better for keeping their mission secret. He could deal with that, mostly, but even in private, Heero refused to talk about anything of any substance. He also acted as if nothing had happened between them, giving off such a cold vibe that Duo hadn't been able to bring himself to say anything either. If he didn't know better, he would have thought that maybe he'd just imagined the entire thing.

_But that's impossible with the way my mind insists on replaying it in my dreams every fucking night._

Slipping his shoes on, he dashed out the door and headed to the main entrance of the school where his marine science class was meeting for their field trip to the local aquarium. He was actually excited about the trip, having discovered a deep fascination with the ocean in the last few weeks. Duo could almost forget he was a Gundam pilot except for the fact that he still went to check Deathscythe for new messages at least twice a day, bothered deeply by the complete radio silence since the disastrous mission at the New Edwards base.

"Maxwell! Thank you for gracing us with your presence!" Duo's teacher eyed him sternly, but the second he flashed her a grin, she gave up the idea of trying to lecture him for being late. Several girls standing nearby giggled and he winked at them. "Straighten yourself up and go meet your field trip partner." She turned to face the rest of the group as he hastily tied his tie. "It's important to stick with your partner so that no one gets lost or left behind. Go ahead and board the bus."

"Ah, wait…" he called after his teacher. "I don't know—"

"Maxwell." Heero's clipped tone just behind him made Duo jump and he turned to face his roommate with a smirk, despite how much he really wanted to connect his fist with Heero's face for leaving him behind.

"Good morning, Heero! So kind of you to make sure I didn't miss the field trip."

"Let's go."

Duo almost asked him what he meant, but then realized they were the last two standing outside the bus and groaned inwardly at Fate's cruel sense of humor. He was sure that Heero was even less amused than he was about being stuck together for the day. _Ah well, wiser to make the best of it! Maybe we'll exchange more than two sentences today!_ "Right," he finally answered, following Heero up the stairs and into the bus. "I call window!"

Inside the bus, most of the seats were already taken, but at the very back a group of girls called out to them loudly. "Duo! Duo! We saved you a seat, Duo!"

Grinning and waving, Duo pushed his way past Heero, almost knocking him into one of the already occupied seats. "Thanks, ladies!" he called back, sliding into the very last seat on the bus and flipping his braid over his shoulder. There were six girls from their class, two in the seat in front of him, two across and two diagonal. He almost wished he hadn't claimed the window seat, but sticking Heero right in the middle of this would probably be quite entertaining. _Besides, I can still flirt with all of them from over his shoulder!_

Heero took his time making his way to the back of the bus, rebuilding his composure after having Duo squeeze past him in the confines of the bus. He tried not to focus on the fact that he _was_ bothered, and took to glaring at Duo's swarming fan girls instead as he slid into the open space next to the braided pilot. As the bus began to pull out of the school parking lot, Heero made a valiant attempt to ignore his surroundings and especially to ignore Duo, whose fault he was sure this was somehow. _It was his idea to sign up for this stupid marine science class. Why didn't I take something else?_

"Hello, Duo's partner!" the girl directly across from them smiled at him.

Duo had to bite his lip hard to keep from laughing at her choice of words, but took the opportunity to torment him further. "Ladies, this is my roommate, Heero Yuy." He sat high with one knee on the seat and his other foot on the floor and leaned an arm casually on Heero's shoulder to gesture. "Heero, this is Victoria, Melanie, Grace, Linda, Rhiannon and Alana."

The girls chorused their greetings at Heero politely before barraging Duo with questions.

"Duo, have you decided what attraction you want to visit first?"

"How did you manage not to get in trouble for being so late?"

"Do you want to sit with us at lunch?"

Duo laughed a little, lifting a hand to scratch the back of his head. "I, ah… haven't decided what to do yet. I have to confer with my partner, after all." He squeezed Heero's shoulder lightly. "But I'm sure we can at least promise to join you for lunch, right, Heero? After all, I completely missed breakfast and am _starving_."

Heero snorted, not at all surprised by Duo's complaint. If there was one thing he had learned about his roommate in their last few weeks together, it was that Duo had an intense love for food and never turned down the opportunity to eat himself ill. Wordlessly, Heero reached into his daypack and tossed Duo an apple he had swiped from the dining hall earlier that morning. _So I don't have to hear him whine all morning._ Heero assured himself, and was pleased to notice his momentary distraction had gotten him out of promising to meet the girls for lunch later.

Catching the apple with his free hand, Duo was momentarily startled by the gesture. _How much sense does it make that he let me almost miss the bus, but was thoughtful enough to bring me an apple? Does that mean he had faith in me to show up? Maybe there is some hope after all. But… hope for what?_ Disliking the dramatic turn his thoughts were taking, Duo shook himself a little. "Thanks," he finally replied, hoping that neither Heero nor the group of girls noticed that he had been thrown off a bit.

When Heero didn't say anything, Duo shrugged and bit into the apple, enjoying the crunchy sweetness. He caught the juice running down his chin with one finger, licking it off slowly. Sliding down into his seat, he listened to the girls chat.

"…so I'm planning the use the photographs I take at the aquarium for my art project."

"What, is it supposed to be nature photos or something?"

"No, no. not at all. It's a people-study. We're supposed to compare photos of people taken when they're posing and when they're not paying attention. So I hope you don't mind if I use all of you as subjects."

"I'm terribly photogenic," Duo joked as he stood up to crack open the window. Tossing the core of the apple out of it, he let the breeze ruffle his bangs as he posed teasingly for the girls. They dissolved into a fit of giggles for a few minutes, but then the topic turned to discussing the various exhibits and activities awaiting them at the Aquarium. It was decided that the group's first activity would be an early morning feeding of the larger animals – sharks, dolphins and small whales.

Duo strolled along after the group of girls with his hands in his pockets, humming cheerfully under his breath. He wasn't really sure why, but Heero's gesture on the bus had put him in a better mood, a mischievous mood. _Why have I just been letting this go for the last three weeks? Has he just been waiting for me to make some sort of move again? Talk about mixed signals._ _Maybe he's been as wound up as I am about what happened at New Edwards, what happened between us… and the lack of any word from home._

Honestly, Duo was glad to leave the frustration of the radio silence behind him for a day, knowing he couldn't check in with Deathscythe until they returned. Why torture himself with thoughts of the unknown future when he could just simply enjoy the day for what it was – his very first field trip to his very first aquarium.

_o/ Apathy in disguise  
Crept on you like a spy  
Hurt you in ways  
You can't describe o/_

Heero trudged silently behind the large group as he was most content to remain near the back, ignored for the better part of the day. Unfortunately, he had no choice but to follow Duo who was following (or being followed?) by the gaggle of girls, seeing as they were partners for the day. To Heero it felt like just another normal school day trailing after the braided idiot to make sure he didn't blow their cover - the only difference was the scenery.

The idea of going to the aquarium hadn't been overly thrilling to Heero at first, but he had to admit that he was impressed once he'd stepped inside. It wasn't at all like he'd imagined it, which annoyed him and yet piqued his interest all the same. The ceiling high tanks looked as though they held hundreds of different species of fish and went on as far as the eye could see. Heero found himself with barely enough time to look around and attempt to take it all in as he was swept quickly from the entrance at one end to the exit at the other.

Their group headed outside around the back to the outdoor viewing tanks where the crowd was much thinner than indoors. Heero followed everyone to the edge of a petting pool where he sidled a few feet away from the group to peer over the edge. He'd expected sand dollars or star fish or the like, but was surprised to instead see a wide array of smaller sharks and rays. He vaguely recalled the girls having mentioned wanting to see these animals, but the idea of touching one seemed weird. Heero looked around at some of the families and younger children at the pool's edge who seemed a bit too eager to stick their hands in the water and suddenly felt very silly. It was a fish, it wasn't going to hurt him.

As the group of girls laughed and dared each other to touch the creatures, Duo stepped away from them and up beside Heero to gaze down into the tank. The only fish he'd ever really seen were dead ones on his plate, so it was fascinating to watch them swim around. Duo had always been told that sharks and crabs and sting rays were dangerous things, so he wasn't sure why all the children were so excited to touch them. There was no way he was sticking his hand in that pool, not that he'd be quick to reveal it. Noticing two large crabs attached to each other in an oddly provocative way, he elbowed Heero and snickered. "They look friendly," he said as he pointed.

Heero was snapped out his thoughts by the sound of Duo's voice much closer than he expected it. He turned to regard the braided boy only to realize Duo was trying to show him something. The two horseshoe crabs were indeed hooked quite intimately together and Heero snorted at Duo's sense of humor as he thoughtlessly poked at the crabs to see if they would part. The shell felt rough and slightly slime coated under his finger and the crabs quickly scuttled out of Heero's reach still very much attached. Withdrawing his hand from the pool, Heero shook water droplets at Duo. "Mm, try less friendly and more slimy." Heero made as though he was going to wipe his hand on Duo's shirt.

Duo jumped back, an expression of distaste crossing his features. "Eewww…" he shivered a little, as timid as most of the girls were about touching the sea creatures. "Don't come anywhere near me with that slime!" Even though he had no desire to touch the crabs or tiny sharks, he didn't totally back away. He had missed Heero's wry sense of humor in the past few weeks and was glad to see him coming out of his shell a little once again.

Heero didn't advance on the other boy; he simply raised an eyebrow at Duo's girlish behavior. "Fine, suit yourself," he remarked, turning back to regard the other creatures in the pool. A group of tiger sharks swam near the edge and he stroked at them idly while he spoke again, "Why you're so afraid of a fish is beyond me. They're actually not that slimy either if that's what you're worried about." Heero couldn't resist throwing a teasing smirk and splash of water in Duo's direction. "I know you haven't seen one before - I haven't either - but isn't that why we're here? Don't tell me you're going to act like a girl about it after I've had to endure hearing about this trip for the last week."

On the inside, Duo was feeling just a touch gleeful. Not only was that teasing the most Heero had spoken to him in the last three weeks, but he'd also given away that he had at least been listening to all of Duo's idle chatter even if he hadn't been responding to any of it. _But that doesn't mean I should attempt to bring up that night. He's just starting to loosen up again. Baby steps, Duo, baby steps._

"I'm not afraid of a fish," he retorted stubbornly, shaking his head so sharply that it whipped his braid back and forth. "I just… don't want to touch any?" He took a step back towards Heero, watching as the other boy let one of the sharks drift underneath two fingers, just as calm and collected as could be. "They might… bite my fingers off?" He knew that he sounded silly, but giving Heero further opportunity to tease him was the quickest way he could think of to keep him talking. He stuck one hand tentatively forward to just barely brush the surface of the water before yanking it away again with a nervous chuckle.

Heero snorted, amused by Duo's completely irrational ideas. "I wouldn't flatter yourself, you probably don't taste all that great." Heero's attempt at humor backfired on him as memories of that night suddenly popped unwanted into his head and his body stilled its movements. He could easily recall the unique flavor that could only be described as Duo - and how much he had enjoyed it. Heat rose in his cheeks and Heero awkwardly glanced from Duo to the sharks as he added, "To a shark that is." Feeling distinctly uncomfortable displaying such embarrassment in a public setting, Heero did what he did best and shut up, choosing instead to speak through his actions. While Duo was still trying to piece together exactly what his comment had meant, Heero grabbed the braided boy's left hand and thrust it into the shark pool.

Duo's first impulse was to yank his hand away again, but Heero's grip was too strong and he held Duo's hand underwater until the slightly slimy skin of the small shark passed under his fingertips. It was hard to say whether it was the sharks or the sudden close proximity of the other pilot that quickened his pulse. Heero's expression seemed to say "It wasn't that bad, was it?" as he met the other pilot's eyes, but before he could say anything, the flash of a camera startled them both.

"Oh, don't stop, you two!" one of the girls scolded them as Heero let go of Duo's hand and they both took a step back. "That was so natural and cute! Exactly what I need for my project!"

"Startled me…" Duo said a bit sheepishly, glancing quickly at Heero as he scratched the back of his head, but the other pilot was looking down into the water again. He turned to the blonde, Melanie, and smiled. "Do you want us to…"

"No, no, that's not the point!"

The feeding was just about to begin now, so the entire group gathered around the edge of the pool and listened quietly to the aquarium staff as they talked about the different things each species liked to eat. Duo couldn't help but steal more glances at Heero instead of paying attention, but the other seemed determined not to meet his eyes again. He assumed that the innuendo behind the earlier remark was probably accidental, but he didn't have the opportunity to tease him about it, because as soon as the feeding was over, the girls were pulling him back inside towards another exhibit.

Heero walked several paces behind Duo and the girls, content to quietly follow them around as they took pictures of the colorful fish and read aloud from the information panels attached to the front of each tank. It was obvious that Duo was trying to catch his eye, trying to draw him into the experience, but he stubbornly remained aloof and as far away from the camera as he could.

_We shouldn't be drawing attention to ourselves…_ He could tell himself that was the reason why he'd kept Duo at arm's length for the past three weeks, but it probably wasn't the whole truth. That accidental night had been easy to shove from his mind at first, but the longer the radio silence went on, the harder it was to stay focused on his suddenly non-existent mission. Images and ponderings kept sneaking into his thoughts and it was starting to seriously annoy him.

Heero stopped to study one of the tanks a little more carefully, watching the black-tipped reef shark dart back and forth. The girls were absorbed in another presentation by one of the aquarium divers and Heero was so lost in his own thoughts that he only registered Duo's presence a moment before a hand reached out to touch his arm lightly.

"We're going to head to lunch after this," the braided boy started cheerfully, and though Heero could see in their reflections in the glass of the tank that Duo was giving him a probing look, he made no attempt to actually meet his eyes.

Duo had to bite back a sigh at Heero's nod, but he had no chance to poke at his fellow pilot further as the flash of a camera startled them again. Heero glared with daggers at Duo for just a moment as if it was his fault that Melanie seemed to have decided that the two boys were her favorite subject.

"Sorry," Duo mouthed to Heero before jogging after the girls as they headed to the cafeteria.

By the time they'd reached the end of the lunch line, Heero had decided that letting Duo come along on this undercover was one of the most aggravating decisions he'd ever made. "What do you mean, you don't have any money?" he said in exasperation as Duo searching his pockets began to hold up the entire line waiting to pay for their lunch. "Didn't you read the field trip form where it said we had to provide our own lunches?"

"I was kind of in a hurry this morning," he retorted, looking apologetically from his lunch to the cashier. "I guess I can't pay…"

"I've got it," Heero muttered, elbowing Duo out of the way so that he could pay for both of their lunches and get out of the line as quickly as possible.

"Thanks, partner!" Duo whistled cheerfully as he picked up his tray and headed across the room to the tables the girls had saved. One of the girls tried to sit down across from Heero, but Duo decided he'd spare his partner the torture and dropped his tray down across from Heero before she could. "Gotta sit with my partner, girls," he slid into the seat across from him. As everyone started to eat and chat, he pulled a large, wrapped cookie from his pocket.

"I thought you didn't have any money on you," Heero asked him as he carefully cut his sandwich in two.

Leaning across the table with a hint of mischief, Duo tilted his head and grinned cheekily. "I don't."

Heero raised an eyebrow, asking wordlessly a question he was pretty sure he knew the answer to already.

"Gotta make sure the skills don't get rusty," Duo shrugged casually, unwrapping the stolen cookie and taking a large bite, ignoring the sandwich in front of him.

"Are you trying to blow your own cover by stealing food? We have plenty of money--"

"Master thieves never get caught." He slapped a hand down on the table for emphasis, knocking the rest of the cookie onto the floor. Heero resisted the urge to cringe when Duo scooped it up, sniffed it once, and took another large bite. Heero hoped it wasn't as obvious to everyone around them that Duo lacked a certain amount of common sense when it came to proper manners. The other pilot didn't even seem to be aware that his behavior was abnormal by most peoples' standards.

"Don't draw attention to yourself."

Rolling his eyes, Duo crunched the cookie even more loudly. "Lighten up, 'Ro." Even as he said these words and acted as if he hadn't a care in the world, Duo was observing Heero and confirming what had been on his mind all morning. "You're as bothered as I am." When Heero remained silent, he continued. "About the lack of word."

Though he didn't respond verbally to the nickname or the accusation, Heero shoved his chair back from the table so hard that it squeaked. Standing abruptly, he lifted his tray and carried it to the garbage before exiting the cafeteria. Duo stared mournfully at the half of his sandwich that he hadn't had the chance to eat yet and quickly wrapped the remains up to shove in his pocket. Offering a quick promise to meet the girls at another exhibit later, he took off after Heero, just catching a glimpse of his back as he disappeared across the hall into the exhibit about ocean waves and tides.

_o/ All right  
Sit down and spill your heart  
Lets start from the very start  
Cause I can see by your eyes  
You're wasted  
Your energy comes and goes  
You're taking your time, you know  
Nothing can change what happened, you know /o_

Due to the fact that it was lunchtime, the exhibit was mostly deserted and Duo easily spotted Heero standing with arms crossed in front of one of the noisy audio exhibits narrating a wall's length history of great storms. "Do nicknames bother you that much?."

"Are you trying to get us caught?" Heero hissed at him, his voice barely audible over the exhibit.

"Not at all," Duo retorted, leaning casually against the wall beside him. "I just thought that maybe you wanted to talk about it."

"I don't."

"I mean, I know _I've_ been goin' crazy these last few weeks, with no word from home at all… you have to have wondered at least once if we're ever gonna to hear from them again."

"We are."

Duo made a noise of exasperation. It was hard to tell if Heero simply believed another mission would come or if he was just trying to end this conversation as quickly as possible. Either way, Duo was getting really sick of feeling ignored and avoided. "But what if we don't?" he pressed.

"Then we continue with the mission we already have, the over-arching mission." Heero didn't want to say more, because he still wasn't sure how much their over-arching missions were even the same. He had no confirmation other than his own instincts that these other pilots were meant to be allies, after all. And even if they were, he'd always been more comfortable on his own.

Duo barely gave Heero time to finish his sentence before he was moving away from the wall to stand in front of him, trying to meet Heero's eyes again as he demanded. "Then we should work together to figure out what we're going to do next if we _don't_ hear from them!" He was using "them" lightly, because after Heero's statement about the over-arching mission, so similar to what he'd been told, he was nearly convinced that they just might be working for the same exact person. He wished that Heero would trust him enough that they could sit down and share the details and figure it out together. Weren't they a stronger force working together? "Not that I don't want to be optimistic, but it's been almost a month--"

"You're impatient." Heero's tone was calm and cool.

That comment finally pushed Duo over the edge and his eyes narrowed to an unusual glare. "I'm not impatient – you just don't listen to a fucking word I say! You don't wanna work with me at all!" He would have shoved Heero if he hadn't already been up against the wall, because that insult had finally unleashed three weeks of bottled emotion. Words spilled out before he could think about what he was saying. "You avoiding me has _nothing_ to do with blowing our cover and _everything_ to do with what happened the night we first got here!

The last thing Heero needed was someone that was going to get in the way of the mission. He thought, in the last three weeks, that Duo understood that… that it wasn't necessary to have some giant drama over what had happened that night when they had other things to focus on. He shouldn't, couldn't, didn't _want_ to think about why he had given in to those impulses. Of course, he had probably brought this current mess on himself by refusing to even have a real conversation with Duo since then, but it was a little late for that now. _I don't regret what happened, but… I need for him to understand that it can't ever get in the way of the mission. _There was a long moment of silence between them before Heero finally answered him. "That night has nothing to do with it. I only have a problem with you when you act like _this_."

"Like this? Like what? How do you have any idea how I'm gonna act if you haven't even given me a chance! You don't wanna give me a chance because of what happened that night! Why don't you just tell me that you regret kissing some L2 trash and we can move on already!" The words poured out until Duo was breathing hard, his hands on Heero's shoulders as if he was barely restraining the urge to shake him violently. He didn't even care if Heero did regret it; he just wanted the truth so that they could go back to the easy camaraderie they'd shared when they'd first arrived here.

Heero reached up to try and pry Duo's hand off of his shoulder, unsure of what to say. He had not seen the other boy even close to this angry in the time they'd known each other and the indigo eyes had gone so dark they appeared almost black. "I already told you… whether or not I regret it has nothing to do with…with…"

"Liar!" The word was a hiss right before Duo closed the minute space between them. It was not a gentle kiss, but a demand for acknowledgement. He pressed his entire body against Heero's and bit sharply at the other pilot's bottom lip. There was a heartbeat where Heero didn't respond, but then he curled a hand around the back of Duo's neck and returned the kiss, tongues fighting for dominance.

The sound of an approaching group of students quickly brought Heero back to his senses and he broke the kiss, shoving Duo away from him sharply. "This is what I mean," he muttered. "We're in a public place where anyone could see us and you're drawing unneeded attention. Are you even thinking about our mission? We're not really students, Maxwell! Have you forgotten that? If you can't screw your head on straight, then leave me alone and stay outta my way!" Unable to even look the other boy in the eye, he shoved past him and stalked out of the room as quickly as he could without drawing further attention.

_o/ Back to the start now  
I wont let you go this way now  
Honesty is what you need  
It sets you free  
Like someone to save you  
Let it go, but hurry now  
There's undertow  
And I don't want to lose you now /o_

The quick slap of Heero's anger was like a gut punch to Duo, and as the other pilot disappeared, he leaned against the wall, sliding down, down, down until he was sitting on the floor. Drawing up his legs, he wrapped his arms around them and rested his chin on his knees with a sigh.

_Well, that was nothing short of a disaster…maybe I should have punched him instead._

As emotional as Duo was, he prided himself on the fact that he was usually able to keep his cool in any situation. He didn't even realize how much he'd bottled up in the last three weeks until it was tumbling out of his mouth.

"He can blame me all he wants for not thinking about our mission," Duo mumbled to himself. "But _he_ assumed I would let what happened between us get in the way of the mission without even giving me a chance. It's as if he dismissed the idea of me being rational about it before even asking me, so it was just easier to hit the off switch on me all together. I never intended to let it get in the way! All I was trying to do was get him to trust me and talk to me and…"

_And then I ended up doing exactly what he was probably worried I would do… _

"Fuck, I'm an idiot…" Duo muttered, getting to his feet. He contemplated going after Heero, but thought maybe it was better if they both blew off some steam first. After all, if Heero had been a little less stubborn or a little more trusting, Duo probably wouldn't have accused him of letting that night get in the way in the first place. _So he ignores me because he's worried I'll let it get in the way and I harass him because I think he _is_ letting it get in the way! _"Fuck, we're both idiots."

The best option at this point, in Duo's opinion, wasn't even to try and tell Heero that, but to try and prove to him that whatever had happened – or would happen – that he would never allow anything to get in the way of their mission. If he could do that, then perhaps Heero would begin to trust him.

With a small bit of renewed hope, Duo wandered back in the direction of the cafeteria just in time to find his classmates exiting. He tagged along with them for the last hour, deflecting a few questions about Heero's disappearance, but he was glad when it was time to board the bus and return to school. For a split second, he thought Heero might have just taken off completely, but as he made his way to the back of the bus, he saw that his partner was already there. Eyes closed and head leaning lightly against the window, Heero appeared to be asleep. Whether he was or not, Duo decided that the first step was to give the other boy some space.

Once they arrived at school, Duo hadn't taken two steps away from the bus when several students behind him came tumbling down the steps of the bus and nearly knocked him over.

"So sorry, Duo," Alana squeaked, as she was the one who had crashed into him. "I think Melanie got the strap of her purse caught on the railing."

Several of the girls were being helped to their feet by classmates, but Melanie was running across the driveway in a panic – the folder she'd been keeping the day's Polaroid pictures in had been knocked from her arms and now the pictures were quickly being scattered by the windy afternoon. Duo had no choice but to join the girls and help her chase after them, laughing as they all ran in circles trying to snatch them up before the wind carried them off. By the time they were finished and Duo breathlessly turned in circles looking for Heero, the other boy was gone.

Duo wanted to go and look for him, to try and at least say something about their fight earlier, but the girls begged him to join them for dinner. Without a good reason to turn them down, he let himself be dragged off to a restaurant several blocks away. His mind wasn't really on the dinner, though, and his thoughts kept drifting back to the things Heero had said to him that afternoon. Even if he had already decided that it would not interfere with the mission, there was still the matter of their mutual… attraction – he had no idea what else to call it – to resolve in his mind. As he walked back to their dorm room, he rewound his mind back further in the fight to cringe at his crude comment about being L2 trash. Despite everything they'd said, Heero _had_ kissed him back earlier that day.

Their room was dark and silent when Duo pushed the door open, making it obvious that Heero was not there, but all of his things were still in their places. Duo sincerely doubted that the other pilot would leave without his laptop unless it was an emergency, so he hoped he'd come back eventually. Flopping down on his bed, he folded his arms behind his head and kicked his shoes off.

_He never did say if he regretted it or not…_

Duo bit his lip and sighed, throwing an arm across his eyes. The world outside the window was dark gray, windy and starless, and morning seemed really far away.

o/ _Look at your bright stars fade so  
How much can you take? /o_

* * *

_**Up Next: Chapter 4 – Violet (Episode 9)**_


	4. Ch 4 Violet

**Author's Notes: **I want to thank **snowdragonct** for being my first review. I'm a really huge fan of your Wedding Planner story. When Heero stood in the ocean with the flower, I melted into a permanent puddle of goo. It's hard to find a story that blends excellent characterization with excellent plot and your story did that for me. I hope mine can do the same for you.

The music for this and other chapters is posted at mediafire through a link I gave back at ch 1, if anyone is curious. This is the last chapter that takes place at the school. The next chapter will weave strongly with the show for about two episodes before breaking off into another one of those month-long time gaps that GW seems so fond of...

* * *

**Chapter 4 – Violet (Episode 9)**

_o/ If there's a way that you could be everything you want to be,  
Would you complain that it came too easy?  
Just like the games with you and me - A resolution hard to see,  
But that's O.K. 'cause I don't see things that are plain to see /o_

Duo awoke long before the alarm clock the next morning, his eyes snapping open with the first light of day creeping in the window. His sleep had been restless, with the vague sensation that he'd been running in his dreams, but he couldn't remember if he was running to or away from something.

_Sometimes it seems like all I'm doing is running…_

Kicking the tangled sheet off, Duo swung his legs until his feet landed on the floor and glanced across the room at Heero's perfectly-made bed. He hadn't heard Heero come back to the room at all last night, but square in the center of the bed, his backpack sat packed and ready to go. The sight sent a jolt through Duo's body and he knew that it had to mean the other pilot was planning on leaving the school soon.

_Still, he could have taken his bag with him this morning and been long gone already._

"But he wouldn't have even packed his bag to leave," Duo muttered to himself, pulling on his uniform pants and shirt before slinging his tie loosely around his neck, "Unless there was news."

_Or unless I pissed him off more than I thought I did yesterday…_

And as much as the second reason bothered Duo, he quickly put it out of his mind to focus on the first reason. The little games that he and Heero Yuy were playing would have to wait. News from home overrode any other concerns right now and he could already feel the adrenaline rush of a possible mission making his insides buzz. Swallowing the lump rising in his throat, he slipped his shoes on, debated a moment before grabbing his school books, and headed out.

It was a five minute walk just to get off the school grounds, but once he was outside the gates, Duo broke into a run. The air was crisp and cool, dew still lingering on the grass and soaking his pants as he raced through the forest. He skidded to a halt, ignoring the relief that washed over him when he saw that Deathcythe and Wing were still hidden side by side in the dense brush.

Moments later, his speculation was confirmed as he skimmed through the mission brief that had come in sometime during the night. _Destroying this base won't take more than an hour and that's with travel time…_ It was simple enough, too simple, really, but it also meant that he'd need to leave shortly after he was through, before OZ came through the area to question the students. The weight of what he was actually on Earth to accomplish came racing back and Duo wondered if Heero had received the same mission. _If he has, then I'm willing to place my bets on the idea that we really are working for the same person or people._

"Only one way to find out…"

Duo spent the next hour searching the campus, but Heero was nowhere to be found. Finally, as a last resort, he headed off to their first period physical education class, guessing that Heero might be playing along with their cover for one more day. Sure enough, the other pilot had already changed out of his uniform into shorts and a tank top and was heading out of the locker room towards the basketball court where their class was being held. Breezing past him, Heero actually allowed his eyes to meet Duo's for a moment but didn't give him long enough to start a conversation.

The eye contact was enough for Duo. Already, in his mind, the events of the previous day were far in the past. They were once again comrades, two pilots from the colonies on a probably suicidal mission to bring peace. They were back to sharing the same secret. When he passed the basketball to Heero and teased him when all the girls cheered, he was really thinking about them blowing some OZ fuckers up tonight. He wondered if Heero was thinking the same thing.

It wasn't until the class broke for a water break that Duo had time to corner Heero, tailing him out of the courts and past the locker rooms to where the sports fields on the edge of the bluff overlooked the ocean and the very base he was expected to destroy tonight. From the way that Heero was intently but unobtrusively studying the base, Duo was even more certain that the mission they'd gotten was the same.

_  
o/ In a way, we're the same two people looking out to sea  
For a wave that would carry all our fantasies_ /o

"So, this is where you went…" Duo strolled up beside Heero and leaned casually on the railing at the edge of the cliff. When he received no response, he decided to just assume his assumptions were correct and bait the other pilot. "Hey, that's pretty smart. Changing schools when you've gotta go. It's natural for people our age to be in school, after all."

Heero didn't want to be having this conversation. He didn't want to look at Duo and be reminded of what had happened at the aquarium and he didn't want to be distracted from planning tonight's mission. He wasn't trying to keep his plans from Duo, but he wasn't trying to include him either. "What's the idea?"

"I'm just trying to act normal."

"You stand out."

Duo leaned back from the railing and folded his arms over chest as he formulated a response. He was tired of Heero accusing him of trying to blow their cover, when his aloofness was often more curious to their fellow students than Duo's overly friendly nature, but the last thing he wanted to do was start another fight. He took a deep breath and decided to try explaining his thoughts. "You wouldn't be as suspicious if you acted natural instead of being so secretive." Unable to resist teasing him a little, he leaned a little closer. "Why don't you just chill out and have fun as a student?"

Heero stood up with a sigh, his eyes gazing downward. "Leave me alone."

"And stay outta my way, right?" Duo mimicked him, and when Heero looked up to meet his eyes, he continued boldly with a small smirk. "The two of us are going after the same thing, here. You can't hide it from me. I can see it in your eyes as plain as day." Heero narrowed his eyes and glared at that remark, but Duo didn't stop speaking. "How about the first one to destroy that fortress wins." Duo's expression made it clear that despite his teasing about their covers as students, his focus was definitely and assuredly on destroying that base.

The two boys turned to look out at the base and for a moment and Duo wondered if baiting Heero simply wasn't going to work this time. Was he tired of their games? Did he not understand Duo's sense of humor? Was he still holding a grudge about yesterday? Before Duo could ask Heero any of these questions, the sound of a car pulling up made both of them turn. As the door opened and a female figure stepped carefully out, Duo's expression clearly said "_shit._"

_o/ Contemplate jealously intermixed with urgency  
A million things take a damned good shot at you and me /o_

"Hey, that's…" he trailed off, trying to recall the girl's name.

" Relena…"

Relena walked towards the two boys with a triumphant smile on her face, the wind tousling her long blonde hair. "Heero. I wanted to see you."

Duo had to bite back a snicker as he muttered under his breath. "She's not typical, wanting to see the guy trying to kill her."

Heero looked away, ignoring both Duo and Relena, and wondered why the world seemed determined to drive him crazy lately. What had he done to deserve being tailed by both a shrill, obsessed female and a loud-mouthed thief?

"Good morning, Relena," Duo greeted her cheerfully, amused by Heero's reluctance to even greet the girl. "And what brings you to our fine school today?" He leaned his elbows back against the railing, crossing one leg casually over the other.

Relena gave Duo a curious look as she tried to remember where she knew him from, and as her memory caught up, her eyes widened. "You're…" she started, lifting a hand to point.

"Duo Maxwell," Duo replied, taking her hand in his and shaking it. _Hmm…for a girl, she's got a pretty strong grip…_ Her surprise only amused him further.

Heero turned back to look at her then, his eyes cold and his expression blank. "What do you want?"

"Heero…" Relena started, reaching out to place a gentle hand on his arm. "I've been looking for you…"

"You found me," he replied in the same monotone. There was a heartbeat of silence and then Heero took a step forward, grabbing Duo's arm sharply. "If you'll excuse us, we have to get back to class."

Duo couldn't help the grin on his face as Heero practically dragged him back towards the courts, but he kept quiet until she was out of sight. They were probably going to be late getting back to class, but it wasn't like he actually cared. "What's with that girl?"

Heero stopped just outside the entrance to the basketball court, crossing his arms over his chest. Duo was still as noisy and nosy as ever, but Heero could tell he'd done some thinking since their fight at the aquarium. _Maybe I've been a little harsh…_ He had ignored Duo not because the other pilot had let that night come between them, but because he _might,_ and that had perhaps forced Duo into making the same judgment in reverse yesterday. Truthfully, it seemed that neither of them wanted it to get in the way - that they wanted the same thing. He could tell the other pilot had been trying to make the point today of focusing on their mission and not on the miscommunication they'd had. If there was truth to Duo really intending not to let what had happened get in the way of their mission, then perhaps he, too, could adjust his attitude and try to trust him a little bit. "Just after sunset. Don't be late."

"Good chatting with you!" Duo called after him as he walked away, a little bit surprised and definitely pleased. _I guess the games are on again._

o/ _If there's a way to infiltrate you  
Sway your mind and complicate you  
I'm gonna crash into your world  
And that's no lie_ /o

* * *

As Duo wrapped his hands around Deathscythe's controls and a rush of euphoria flooded his body, he wondered if that meant he was really fucked in the head. Orange and gold fire lit the night sky and he thought it was the most beautiful thing he'd seen since his first glimpse of the turquoise ocean.

* * *

o/ _Common sense is a game many people don't like to play  
But give it in and the moment takes you either way /o  
_

Heero couldn't help his small smile as he watched Duo leap from Deathscythe to the ground, flopping onto the forest floor as he stretched his arms over his head, his grin huge enough to split his face. He checked to make sure the last of their camouflage was in place before hopping down himself.

"I can't believe that you ruined all my fun!" Duo complained, jumping to his feet, jamming his hands into his pockets and strolling over to Heero.

"The objective was not to see how many individual mobile suits you could destroy, Maxwell," Heero replied dryly as they started the walk back to the school. "But to destroy the base as quickly as possible."

"Yeah, yeah…" Duo was in such a good mood that it suddenly seemed easy to look beyond Heero's actual words and see the humor in his sarcasm and his tone. Why had he not noticed that until now, truly? "You just like to show off!" he laughed and tried to elbow the other pilot, but Heero side-stepped him, grabbing his arm and spinning him sharply.

"Can't help it if I'm faster," Heero smirked at Duo as they were nose to nose and then released him, continuing to walk towards the school.

"SHOCK! AWE!" Duo proclaimed, standing still for a moment in his dramatics and then jogging a few paces to catch up. "Was that… a smirk? Some humor?"

"I'm not a robot, Maxwell," Heero shook his head, trying to maintain his composure, but he was in a good enough mood that he actually didn't mind the verbal sparring. The mission had been a quick and easy success. It didn't even begin to make up for the disaster at New Edwards, but it was a start.

"I never said you were," Duo retorted lightly, then asked, a little more tentatively than usual. "Are we – you – planning on leaving tonight?"

Heero quietly considered the thought as they approached the school gates. "No. There are many buildings along the shoreline in close proximity to that base. It's highly unlikely that OZ would search this school tonight, because rousing the entire student populace would only create more panic. At the earliest, they may come around tomorrow, quietly, and start questioning the administration. By the time they even look at the student body, we'll be long gone and our records will be deleted."

"So…"

"I think the wisest choice would be to get a shower and a good night's sleep, especially seeing as the administration may check students' rooms tonight to be sure that everyone is safe and accounted for… and I haven't decided where to head next, yet." He didn't make it clear whether or not he would welcome Duo's company and the other pilot didn't press him further on the issue.

Duo was quiet as they snuck back into the dorms, lost in his own ponderings. He certainly felt a sense of relief, having heard from home again, and it seemed that Heero felt much the same. It also seemed that he was at least comfortable communicating with Duo again and not ignoring his existence entirely. Even though Duo had teased Heero about ruining his fun, he'd actually been impressed with the speed and ease at which Heero had located the heart of the base and obliterated it.

"You can shower first, if you want," Heero offered, once they were inside the room with the door locked.

Duo sat down on his bed and pulled his braid over his shoulder with a shake of his head. "Nah, you go ahead… I've got to untangle this mess first." He pulled the tie off the end and started to unravel his hair and Heero picked up his clothes and towel and started towards the bathroom door. "Hey, Heero…?"

Turning to glance over his shoulder at Duo, Heero raised an eyebrow.

"You're… not going to run off in the middle of the night without me, are you? I mean… I'd just rather know now."

"No, I'm not," he replied, slightly puzzled by the question. Heero wasn't sure if it was meant to imply that his word wasn't trustworthy or… if Duo really did have some sort of complex about being abandoned. He decided that it was probably better not to ask, as the night would be a lot more relaxing if they didn't end up fighting about more perceived slights.

"Heh, okay…" Duo nodded, almost to himself, and returned to unraveling his hair. From his vantage point on the bed, he watched Heero enter the bathroom, not bothering to close the door. Once his hair was loose, he dug in his duffel bag for a brush and started at the bottom. For a few minutes, he worked dutifully at the tangles until he had to shift his position on the bed in order to reach behind him and get the rest, and it was that shift that gave him a perfect view of the shower.

Duo bit his lip as Heero came partially into view and tried to tell himself to turn away, but he found himself riveted to his spot, his hands stalling in his hair. The other pilot hadn't pulled the curtain all the way closed behind him, so as he moved and shifted, Duo could watch him easily. Despite what had happened between them the night they'd first arrived, both boys had remained fully clothed, and so this was the first time that Duo had seen the other boy unclothed. _Not that his usual attire leaves a lot to the imagination, but… I guess I've been so used to the school uniforms…_

Forcing his hands to start moving again, Duo watched as Heero slid his own hands up and down his arms, slippery with soap. The other pilot's back was to him and Duo let his eyes wander from a long, white scar across his upper back to the bullet marks that had surely been his own fault to the perfectly shaped ass above long, well-muscled legs. Duo's mouth had gone dry sometime in the last few minutes and he dropped the brush on the bed, clenching his hands into fists as he became aware of just how much watching Heero had turned him on. There was not a damn thing he could do about it at that moment, though, as Heero stepped out of the shower, past the door and out of Duo's line of sight. Breathing a sigh of relief, Duo scrounged quickly for a change of clothes as he kicked his shoes off. _Chill out, Maxwell… all you need to do is get into the shower yourself and then…you can… take care of it._

_o/ Let your body move into the doorway  
To the disco inside your head (Violet)  
Wear a color that you want to cling to  
The color inside your head (Violet) /o_

The task was easier said than done, though, in the state he was in. Undressing quickly, he wrapped the towel around his waist, making sure to bunch it in front, and then inched towards the bathroom door. "Uh, hey, Heero…" he started awkwardly, pushing the door open a little more. "Okay if I…"

Heero took note of Duo's unusually hesitant behavior and nodded. He had a towel wrapped around his waist as well, and another in his hands about to dry his hair. "Go ahead." He looked up and into the bathroom mirror just as Duo slipped into the shower, a cascade of chestnut nut hair the last thing to disappear from sight. He had never seen the other boy with his hair down before and was surprised at his own stomach twisting at the sight.

Shaking it off, he started to towel dry his hair, slowly, as he contemplated the odd feelings Duo evoked in him. The other boy was noisy, nosy, rude and sometimes crude. He was impulsive, emotional… and yet Heero just found that he was comfortable being around him. Heero didn't know why; it didn't even seem to make sense, but he found himself doing things he had never done before in his life… things like purposefully leaving the bathroom door open. Did he want Duo to notice him, even as he'd just spent three weeks trying to avoid him? His eyes flickered to Duo's reflection, behind the shower curtain, and he swallowed hard, his hands dropping the towel to grip the countertop until his knuckles turned white.

Duo had breathed a sigh of relief upon safely entering the shower and quickly went about washing his hair, waiting for Heero to finish and leave him alone. Even if the other boy left the bathroom door open when he left, Duo was pretty damn sure he could be absolutely silent. After all, he'd developed the skill of being absolutely silent about the time he'd become an expert lock pick. He just didn't want to, well… when Heero was actually in the same room as him. What if he noticed?

Finishing with his hair, Duo peeked around the edge of the shower curtain to see Heero standing in front of the sink, looking lost in thought. _What is he doing? Why hasn't he left yet?_ The longer he had to wait, the crazier it started to drive him, especially when the source of his problem was standing two feet away. _Shit, shit, shit!_

Noticing the movement in the reflection, Heero met Duo's eyes in the mirror. "Do you… need something?" he asked quickly, hoping Duo hadn't noticed his total space out.

"Uh, no, nothing! I'm fine-good-perfect!" The last word almost sounded like a squeak as Duo disappeared behind the curtain again. _He's going to know something is up. He's got to have picked up on how odd I'm acting. He's totally going to--_ The shower curtain split open and Heero's face appeared less than a foot away.

"Duo?" he questioned. Heero's tone was curious and his face was his usual mask of calm, but in his eyes, something was different. The other pilot gaped at him, apparently quite startled at Heero's behavior, and when Heero's eyes flickered up and down the length of his body a moment later, the reason why was obvious. "Are you… sure you don't need some help?"

Duo was a little shocked, but having been caught, his natural reflexes came into play. "As long as you know you can't accuse me of starting this," he tossed back, guarding himself with his wit, leaning against the wall of the shower and trying not to appear as awkward as he felt. "Or ignore me for days afterward because you think I'm going to let…this… get in the way of our mission."

"I'm starting it." Dropping the towel around his waist, Heero stepped into the shower to stand face to face with Duo. "And you did give me your word that it would never interfere."

"I may run and I may hide, but I never tell a lie," Duo murmured, his eyes locked with Heero's.

"Is that some sort of mantra?" Heero raised an eyebrow, not quite able to keep the hint of amusement off of his face.

"It's just Duo."

"Well, just Duo… I guess I'm going to have to trust your word." He reached out to wrap his hands around Duo's wrists, pulling him forward until he could crush that sweet mouth under his again. Backpedaling Duo into the wall and pinning his wrists beside his head, Heero jammed a knee between the other boy's legs.

Duo didn't fight back very hard, letting Heero plunder his mouth as his mind whirled and he tried desperately to get his bearings. It was useless in the face of Heero's relentlessness, though, which derailed every contradictory train of thought he attempted. Duo could not help the weak feeling in his legs any more than the moan that escaped into their kiss, which pleased Heero enough that he finally paused to let them breathe. "Damn…" Duo mumbled, licking his lips and blinking the water out of his eyes.

"You are the one who's been trying to convince me of the merits of teamwork," Heero replied, letting go of one of Duo's wrists. He ran his hand lightly down Duo's chest and stomach, stopping to glide his thumb across the hip bone that jutted out.

"Just… makes the whole process… more efficient," Duo joked, letting his now free hand come down to rest on Heero's shoulder.

"Is that a hint that I should…" And Heero paused to slide his hand between their slick bodies, letting his fingers curl around Duo's length and stroke once. "…hurry up?"

Duo's lips parted wordlessly at the sensation and then he leaned forward to whisper in Heero's ear as he slid his own hand between them. "Any pace you set, I can keep up with."

That was the last exchange they made as their mouths met again, teeth nipping at each other's lips. Duo wasn't sure if the pounding sensation was the water or his own head, and the faster they stroked each other, the weaker in the knees he felt. Heero broke the kiss to draw Duo's earlobe into his mouth, flicking his tongue across it and Duo let his forehead fall to meet the curve between Heero's neck and shoulder. He might have fallen if not for the strong arm Heero had wrapped around the small of his back.

Duo knew he was close as his body shuddered and then he was coming into Heero's hand with a whimper, knowing the teeth he was sinking into that shoulder were probably going to leave a mark. As if the pain from the bite was further pleasure to Heero, he made a small, strangled sound and came hard in Duo's hand. Both boys were silent afterwards, each breathing hard against the other's neck until Heero finally stepped back, letting the water wash all evidence away. Duo was leaning against the wall again with half-lidded eyes, so Heero reached to turn the shower off and then threw open the curtain.

Reaching to pick up both their towels from the floor, he turned to hand one to Duo. Their eyes met, each gauging the other's reaction, until Duo smiled. Heero nodded slightly, then stepped out of the shower and started drying off. Taking that as a sign that things were still cool, Duo stepped out of the shower too, quickly toweling his hair dry. Aware that Heero was watching him in the mirror's reflection, he carefully parted his hair and weaved it back together before pulling on a pair of boxers.

_I am not going to think about why that just happened…_ Duo thought to himself as he walked back into their room and moved to turn down his bed. _I am only going to act the same way I usually do._ Climbing into the bed, he rolled onto his side, facing the wall, and allowed himself a small grin.

The real surprise came a few minutes later, though, when Heero slipped into the bed behind him. Resting one hand on Duo's hip and pressing his chest into Duo's back, his actions spoke the volumes that his words never did. Duo heard him loud and clear.

_  
o/ I've got a dream to take you over  
Exploding like a supernova  
I'm gonna crash into your world  
And that's no lie /o_

* * *

**Up Next: Chapter 5 - One Minute (Episodes 10 & 11)  
**

* * *


	5. Ch 5 One Minute

**Author's Notes:** I want to thank **snowdragonct** for another really nice review. I also want to thank **Kaeru Shiso** for the multiple reviews. I always appreciate knowing which lines stand out to my readers and what parts you connect with most. I've actually read Band of Steel (I'm a sucker for musical fics because I'm a musician myself) and enjoyed it a lot. I loved the sexy edge you gave to Duo.

This chapter is on the shorter side, partly because it's a transition between sets of characters, but mostly because of the storyline events going on in the series. I hope this chapter shows the emotional gut-punch that episode 10 really is for everyone. The next chapter is a long bit of Duo & Quatre, due to the month-long gap in the timeline for them, but don't fret - Heero and Trowa will be back in the following chapter and everyone will be back in the one following that.

* * *

**Chapter 5 – One Minute (Episodes 10 & 11)**

The alarm went off early the next morning, but Heero was already awake, staring at the ceiling as the events of the past few days replayed in his mind. Duo's head was on his shoulder, one arm draped carelessly across him, and he tried to be careful as he slipped out from under him and got out of bed. He dressed quickly and made sure that most of their things were packed before attempting to wake Duo.

"I know you like to sleep in," he said softly as he leaned down over the other pilot. "But we need to go check on the Gundams before class so that we can be out of here before lunchtime."

Duo mumbled sleepily and incoherently back, but a few minutes later, he was dragging himself out of bed as well. By the time he'd gotten dressed, Heero had left and returned with pilfered drinks and cakes from the vending machine. The sugar woke Duo up in a hurry and he hummed softly as they made their way to the main quad.

They were almost to the school gates when Relena spotted them, and Duo wondered how long she'd been staking the place out. Her obsession with Heero bugged him a little, but he was in far too good a mood to let it get to him.

"Heero!" she called, waving at them excitedly.

"Morning, good looking!" Duo called back, waving and grinning. "Pretty nice day today, huh? Gotta get to class." He sailed right by her and Heero followed him, not even acknowledging her presence.

"Thanks," Heero muttered once they had veered around behind the science building and taken another path to the main gate.

"Did ya see the look on her face?" Duo chuckled, pleased with himself.

Heero didn't say anything, as the last topic he wanted to discuss was his stalker, and so the two walked in companionable silence until they reached their Gundams. Climbing up into Wing, Heero was relieved to see the blinking light that meant he had an incoming message and Duo yelling to him confirmed that he wasn't the only one. The mission to destroy the supply of Taurus units was standard in almost every way, except for the fact that OZ had been wise enough to set up two travel routes. _One is sure to be a decoy…_

At the end of the transmission was a note from Dr. J, asking him to try and get online soon so that he could deliver an extra message face to face. Not sure what the added content was, Heero decided that he ought to be alone to receive it.

"It's the same, isn't it? The two routes?" Duo asked as they started back towards the school.

"Yeah," Heero nodded. "We have even more reason to get out of here and start moving towards the routes. Can you go get our bags while I hack into the school computer and delete our files?"

Duo was vaguely bothered by this mission, but felt unable to put it into words. "We probably shouldn't leave at exactly the same time either. I'll put our stuff in the Gundams and then come back to find you."

"Agreed."

The two pilots parted ways at the main gate and Heero headed for the administrative offices, which wouldn't be open for at least another hour. The lock on the door was an easy pick, and a moment later, he was seated at the computer, deleting their files. He tried to ignore the way his stomach clenched in an unfamiliar way as he erased all evidence that they'd ever been enrolled and nearly jumped when Dr. J appeared on the screen. _How the hell does he know when I'm online?_

"The Taurus is a problem," the scientist intoned with a worried expression. "It has the ability to learn from accumulated battle data. I wanna trust OZ's control system, but it's possible the machine will ignore the pilot's commands and act alone. If the command to kill overrides the pilot, the consequences could be significant. Destroy it, otherwise it'll be a menace to mankind."

"Mission accepted," Heero muttered before shutting the system down. He had just finished when he felt the vibration of very light footsteps and the door opened behind him.

"I've come to say goodbye. I have a bad feeling about this." Duo pushed the door open and leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms over his chest and closing his eyes. "OZ's transport plan is good. They'll be taking two routes; by air and land. Heero, could you take the air route? I'll fight them on the ground." He turned to walk out of the room, tossing back over his shoulder. "We'll lose unless we have our own plan, this time."

Heero watched Duo leave the room, surprised to see the other pilot so serious. When Duo didn't reappear after a few minutes, he rose from the chair, locked up the room behind him and headed back into the forest to retrieve Wing. It was time to start the next mission.

* * *

_o/ You're going crazy  
Running on empty  
You can't make up your mind  
You try to hide it  
But you had to say it  
Restless all this time /o_

The sound of metal grinding upon metal burns itself into Duo's brain as he bodily wrestles the OZ train off of the tracks and he knows intuitively that this mission is about to go horribly wrong.

The victory of saving the unnamed Gundam pilot's life is brief, because mere moments later, an unfamiliar man is on the screen in front of him. Time is moving so fast that he can't breathe, can't keep up—

"Who's this guy?"

The voice of the pilot he rescued comes back to him over the channels. "The person who's been sending orders! To one of us five Gundams!"

OZ is threatening the colonies, using them as a hostage and the man is surrendering, but refusing to hand over the Gundams. Duo has no idea what's going on - there is fighting all around him and there is an explosion he senses more than he sees.

It feels like his very nerves are on fire and another pilot – the name Trowa registers in his brain because the pilot he saved is yelling it with everything he's worth – is talking to them now too.

"Because they bluffed with the colonies!" Duo is yelling to no one in particular.

"We can't fight any longer!" The same voice he rescued is replying again and they are all fleeing now.

Duo doesn't stop running until he is very alone, deep in the forest. And then he screams out his incoherent rage as he beats his fists against Deathscythe's controls until his hands are raw and red.

Heero Yuy is dead.

_o/ So completely drained from every thing that's in your life,  
It's so wrong but you had to scream every thought you kept inside /o_

* * *

At some point, Duo had raged himself into exhaustion, but several hours of sleep in the cool, dark cocoon of Deathscythe's cockpit was enough to bring him to his senses again. He had to hit an off switch on his emotions and not focus on what had happened yesterday. If he even allowed himself to start thinking about it, he'd lose it again. _I've got to pull myself together… for the sake of the mission._ _Heero would have wanted…_ Duo shook himself sharply. There was still a small chance that Heero might have survived the explosion. All reports he'd seen yesterday seemed to say otherwise, but Duo had always been optimistic at the core.

Though it felt like an eternity had passed, flipping a few switches told him that it was only mid-morning of the next day. There were planes flying overhead and Duo flicked through his monitors in annoyance. "There's really no way out, with all this security. Besides, to swipe a carrier, I'd have to cross the desert to get to an airport."

Before Duo could pull up another screen to do a search for nearby airports, a flashing light distracted him and Deathscythe zoomed in to focus on a figure standing on the cliff, signaling him. The boy couldn't be any older than he was, with a shock of pale blond hair and goggles protecting his eyes from the harsh winds coming off the desert and into the forest.

"That guy…" Duo mumbled to himself as he walked Deathscythe towards the blond. "We're in the same boat. With all those planes looking for us, you're stuck too." He held out one of Deathscythe's hands and the other boy jumped onto it, quite at ease with letting the Gundam carry him up to the cockpit. Duo opened the door and raised a hand in greeting. "Are you also a Gundam pilot?"

"Yes," the boy replied, gesturing behind them. "My Gundam is hidden in the brush against the cliff."

"This place is totally swarmed with OZ planes. Do you have any idea how you're going to get out of here?"

The blond gestured for Duo to let him down, so he hit the controls and watched through the main window as the other pilot jumped down off of Deathscythe's hand and looked back up at him. "A large sandstorm is coming. That's when we'll cross the desert. Wanna join us?"

Duo contemplated it for a moment as he looked down at the other pilot. It wasn't as if he had any better ideas. "Yeah, I do. I could use some sympathy."

"And I need time to think."

Duo followed the other boy to his Gundam, surprised and defensive to realize that he wasn't alone. A screen popped up and the blond's face appeared. "Don't worry, they're with me."

The surprises continued as he joined the other pilot and his companions on their trek across the desert through the raging sandstorm and discovered that their destination was an underground base. Finding no reason not to trust him, he followed the group down out of the storm.

As he made sure all of Deathscythe's controls were shut down, Duo listened to the conversation going on outside. The other pilot was greeting the people here as if he was friendly with them, but several people were arguing about what had happened last night.

"A sensible person wouldn't use the colonies as a shield!" The tall man who seemed to be Quatre's right hand declared to the other man who'd come to greet them.

"We're to blame, for not stopping them."

Hearing this, Duo hopped down from Deathscythe and went to stand beside the other pilot and agree with him. "Yeah, we're totally to blame." There were a hundred things Duo wished he could change about the previous night and he tried to push those thoughts from his mind. The blond pilot was arranging for their Gundams to be fixed, and Duo snapped out of his thoughts to thank him as he came closer.

Once they were standing face to face, the blond spoke directly to Duo. "I haven't introduced myself. I'm Quatre Raberba Winner."

Duo knew that name and he blinked in surprise, getting a little excited. "Winner? You're the Winner family's heir? The influential and financial power of the Arabic nations?" He glanced quickly around the large room filled with the mobile suits of Quatre's companions. The Winner name was famous in the colonies and he wondered how the sole male heir had ended up a Gundam pilot. It seemed almost absurd to him. "No wonder everyone looks up to you around this place."

Quatre was used to that response and decided it was probably better to be up front with the other pilot. "Our family is all pacifists. I disinherited myself to come out here."

That surprised Duo even more, but also forced him to give Quatre a respect point. His belief in this cause must be strong to have willingly given up being heir for it. "Yeah? It takes all types, I guess. I'm Duo. Duo Maxwell. I might run and hide, but I never tell a lie." He tried to inject some of his usual humor into the words, but they fell a little flat with the sharp memory of the last time he'd said them.

"Would you like to take a look around?" Quatre smiled kindly at him as if he was aware that Duo wasn't really all there at the moment. "We could also get something to eat."

Duo smiled gratefully and nodded. "Fine by me." He followed Quatre and his friend, who he introduced as Rashid, across the room and to a flight of stairs. At the very top, a door opened in the ceiling. Duo hopped out, then pushed aside several strands of hanging beads in the doorway to reveal a village.

It was like exiting into a different world, for the sandstorm had passed and the sky was clear blue again. The village center was decorated in streamers and the sound of laughter drifted towards them. A group of dancers performed on a stage several yards away and great platters of food were laid out on tables around the area.

"Wow. A festival!" Duo started to feel his mood lift a little as he took in the scenery and the happy people, hands on his hips, and Quatre came to stand a step behind him. "Looks like a gas!"

"They're celebrating the return of us 40 Maguanac soldiers," one of the other men standing nearby offered.

"Yeah?"

"The nation opposes the Alliance Military and defends itself," Rashid added. "The Maguanac are the front-line troops."

"They are?" Duo responded in surprise, watching as several girls came to bring flowers to the soldiers and convince them to come and enjoy the festivities for awhile. He took a step back to stand beside Quatre, crossing his arms over his chest. "You're more like heroes than front-line soldiers."

Quatre nodded seriously as he watched the soldiers sit down to eat with the girls. "Everyone's completely united now. That's why this nation is so positive."

"This nation is unified and is gonna stick it out to the end." It was a statement more than a question, as Duo contemplated what he'd learned about Quatre and his friends so far.

Quatre studied Duo back just as carefully. _He's so different from Trowa… less guarded._ "What about us?" Quatre hoped that he'd finally found someone who would talk to him as openly as he wanted to talk to them. The secrecy, he felt, was damaging the overall goal. If they didn't start working together, the whole situation was only going to get worse. He thought of the pilot who had given his life to the cause last night and his empathy made him feel somewhat ill.

"There's a lot I wanna talk to you about. Okay, Quatre?" Duo could see no reason not to confide in the other pilot, even if it still felt a little awkward to be here after spending so long at the school with Heero. As the name passed through his mind, Duo felt his stomach drop into his toes and tried to focus on what Quatre was saying.

"Of course. I've got questions, myself." He didn't miss the pained look that had passed suddenly over Duo's face and he smiled again, reaching out to touch the other pilot's arm lightly. He could read the grief in Duo's every gesture, but only because he was so sensitive to the feelings around him. "Let's get something to eat, first, and then we can go upstairs where it's cool and quiet to talk."

Duo nodded and followed his new friend over to the tables covered in meat, bread and fresh fruit. He hadn't really had anything to eat since leaving the school, and realized how hungry he really was. As they sat together and ate, Duo observed Quatre's interactions with the people of the village. Even though the other pilot seemed delicate in stature and sweet in voice, Duo noticed that he spoke in a very authoritative manner that quickly revealed his intelligence.

"No, I really don't think we'll stay long… OZ is still looking for the rest of us and we're not far enough away from the search radius for my comfort. I don't want to endanger everyone here." Quatre shifted his gaze from Rashid to Duo and inclined his head a little. "Duo, if you're finished, we can go upstairs and discuss things."

"I wouldn't mind a little quiet." Duo didn't want to reveal a lot in front of all these people, even if Quatre seemed to trust them. He waited until the other pilot had led them into one of the nearby brick buildings and up a flight of stairs. The room they entered was small and plain, but comfortable. As Quatre moved to prop open the window with a stick, letting in what little breeze there was, Duo turned around one of the wooden chairs to sit on it backwards, his arms resting on the top of it.

"Now we're all alone," Quatre started, gazing at him expectantly as he turned away from the window.

Duo decided to throw caution to the wind. There wasn't a whole lot to lose right now, as he had no one to turn to and no idea what to do next. He was less and less sure that they'd be seeing any missions come in anytime soon. "There's five, right?"

_Maybe he will be open with me…_ "Yes. Just the five of us that met at New Edwards." Quatre wondered a little if Duo and that other pilot, Heero, had spend any time together. He'd been trying to piece together whether the five of them were allies and this could be the confirmation he needed.

Not wanting to give too much without getting anything in return, Duo remained vague. "I came here from the colonies."

Quatre walked towards Duo and sat down on the bed beside the chair, sensing the game Duo was playing with him. It only further convinced him of the similarities between them. "I did as well. The five of us are very similar, don't you think? Our mobile suits and our missions. Not to mention, our goal to destroy OZ." _There, I've put it out there. I'm trusting you so you can trust me._

An energy crackled inside Duo at those words and he swallowed back feelings that threatened to bubble out. _I want those fuckers dead more than ever._ "OZ destroyed peace in the colonies. This mission is revenge. I've been fighting under those orders."

"Me too. That's when I was given the mobile suit." Quatre could hardly contain his excitement and his mind raced with what he should ask next. He and Duo stared hard at each other. _Should I ask who gave it to him? Is that too bold?_

"Same here," Duo replied with a nod. He took a deep breath and started to recite. "Don't worry about the colonies."

Quatre knew what he was saying the moment he spoke and echoed his words beat for beat. "Destroy them first. That's your responsibility."

"Just the same…" Duo mused, completely unsurprised. _And if two of us have the same mission statement, then I'd wager all five of us do._

"Yeah, word for word." _It has to be all of us. We're meant to be allies, meant to work together. I knew it._

Duo's fists curled as he clenched his teeth. "I've always fought believing I'd be better off dead than live under OZ's rule."

"Me too," Quatre responded without hesitation, his mind going immediately to the events of the previous day. "But to kill yourself…" He didn't miss the flinch that flickered across Duo's face at his words, but didn't press him for an explanation.

Duo was quiet for a moment and he took a long, shaky breath before answering. "Heero ended up doing it. He took his life." Saying it seemed to make it final and he warred internally about the truth of those words. Hadn't he seen the guy practically jump out of a building and live?

Sensing the wave of grief as if it was tangible, Quatre looked down at his hands and closed his eyes for a moment. "The colonies have no intention of fighting. The colonies can't be sacrificed. Your friend was the perfect role model." He was sure now that the other two pilots were friends.

"I never would've imagined that Heero was so stubborn…"

"The colonies were a clear target once the Gundams got going," Quatre started awkwardly, not sure what to say as Duo's eyes remained unfocused on anything in particular. "We should have expected OZ to make the threat it did. But what I can't figure out is exactly why he self-detonated so quickly; why he didn't try to flee with us. The message from that man never said to destroy the Gundams – it just not to hand them over."

"I don't believe he's dead!" Duo snapped these words out so sharply and suddenly that Quatre jumped a little. "I know what OZ's reports said, but I… I just don't know that I can believe it."

Quatre reached out to touch Duo's shoulder lightly and sympathetically. "Neither of us saw it with our own eyes. Maybe you're right."

"The report said another pilot took his body," Duo mumbled, blinking furiously. There was no way he was going to cry in front of anyone else, especially another Gundam pilot that he hardly knew. "Do you know the other pilot?"

"His name is Trowa," Quatre answered. "We spent about two days together right before the New Edwards disaster, but I don't know much about him. He – he plays the flute, but he's not very talkative." Quatre colored slightly, realizing how odd that statement sounded, but it was the truth. He didn't know much about the other pilot except that he very much desired to see him again. "I don't have any idea how to try and contact him. And I don't even know the fifth pilot's name."

Me neither," Duo sighed. "But I am glad to finally know for sure that we're all meant to be allies."

Quatre didn't get a chance to answer him, for at that moment, one of the soldiers burst into the room in a panic. "Master Quatre! Rashid asked me to fetch you! We have a problem!"

_o/ You just can't escape it  
You're losing patience  
You wonder what went wrong  
Everything changes  
Happy then jaded  
Always a different song /o  
_

The moment of peace was abruptly crushed as the two pilots jumped up and ran down the stairs, following the solider to where Rashid and some of the others had gathered. Duo had very little to say about what they should do, and remained silent and sick to his stomach as he watched OZ attempt to destroy more lives. Listening to Rashid make a speech to all of the kind and innocent people of the village about what heroes the Gundams are only made him angrier and he was unable to hold his temper as he and Quatre made preparations to leave.

"This battle was personal long ago," Duo muttered as he and Quatre prepared to load their Gundams into a carrier. "I can't stand OZ."

"I feel much the same, Duo," Quatre replied, closing the back hatch of the aircraft once Duo was on board. His hands flew quickly over the controls as he readied the craft for take-off. "I wish we could stay and fight, but once OZ realizes we've gone, they'll likely leave this village be and that's more important."

"I just feel awful," Duo paced the cockpit once and then moved to open the door to the freight area. "It's our fault they're under attack at all. I feel like mission has been nothing but a screwed up mess from day one."

"We have to stay strong – giving up is not an option," Quatre glanced over his shoulder at Duo as he guided the aircraft out of the base and into the air. The night skies would be a strong cover for their escape and if they flew all night, they could be at their destination by midday tomorrow.

"But giving them hell is," Duo grinned, bright and hard. _One parting shot from the God of Death. _"Quatre, could you circle the sky just once? I can't help them now. But I wanna do something."

Quatre smiled, his turquoise eyes widening in surprise. He was touched that Duo cared enough about his troops to try and help them, though he hardly knew them. "My pleasure!" Bringing the aircraft around once more, Quatre watched on his monitors as Duo opened the rear hatch. "See you again, Maguanac Corps," he whispered.

Looking down at the Earth whizzing by, Duo angled his gun for maximum damage. Every explosion loosened the tight knot that had been in his stomach since yesterday, so he made sure that his aim was deadly. He wanted any survivors to carry the message back to OZ that they had fucked with the wrong guy. "Next time we meet, the colonies' thoughts will be united. Count on it!" As Quatre soared away from the sight of the battle, Duo closed the hatch and made his way back to the cockpit.

"Thank you," Quatre told him quietly. He was impressed with the accuracy of the other pilot and wondered what other tricks he had up his sleeve. "If it's okay with you, I think it might be better if we stick together for now."

Duo folded his arms behind his head, watching Quatre's piloting skills out of the corner of his eye. He didn't think they were quite as intuitive as his own, but he was damn good – better than Duo had expected. "Seeing as you're my ride, I think it would be pretty rude of me to start making demands now."

Quatre chuckled a little at Duo's odd sense of humor, but it made him feel less edgy and certainly less alone in this mess to have a friend. "We need to get out of the search radius, find somewhere a lot less populated to lay low for awhile. I have no idea if we're going to see any missions right now, but it would be better to monitor OZ's movements from a secure location."

"And you have just such a place in mind," Duo lifted his feet to place them up upon the controls, reclining in his seat as best as he could. Things were changing fast, but he'd always been pretty good at adapting. He had a feeling it was going to be a long ride and he hadn't gotten much sleep recently. He trusted this other pilot and he didn't much feel like examining the hows or whys. "You have such a place in mind because you - Quatre Raberba Winner - you _always_ have a plan." Duo's tone of voice implied that the statement was meant to be a compliment, but also a tease of how easily he could read the other boy.

Quatre blushed sharply at both the tone and accuracy of the assessment and nodded. "Duo, have you ever been to Africa?"

_o/ One minute you laugh,  
The next minute you're slowly sinking into something black,  
I get the feeling that lately nothing ever really lasts,  
I keep trying to get up but I keep falling back,  
And you love,  
And you hate,  
And you wait,  
Cause one minute goes Fast /o_

* * *

**Up Next: Chapter 6 - The Animal Song**

* * *


	6. Ch 6 The Animal Song

**Author's Notes:** First, I want to thank **Calamithy**, **Kaeru Shiso**, **snowdragonct**, and **Sadie Woods** for their reviews.

Duo and Quatre took this chapter and ran like the wind. Next chapter features Heero and Trowa, and then you'll see everyone again. Music is, as always, at mediafire.

* * *

**Chapter 6 - The Animal Song (The month-long gap between episodes 11 & 12)**

Quatre was certain that he had never laughed harder in his entire life.

"Oo, I have another one! What kinds of songs do planets like to sing?"

"Umm… I don't know!" Quatre could hardly contain a giggle as he tried in vain to focus on flying the carrier.

"Nep-tunes!" Duo practically sang into Quatre's ear, leaning so far out of his chair that it was amazing he didn't fall out of it. "Wait-wait! Another! Why did people not like the restaurant on the moon?" By this point, Quatre could hardly breathe from laughing at the last joke and so Duo answered the new one without waiting for his reply. "Because there was no atmosphere!"

"Oh, Duo," Quatre groaned, reaching with one hand to brush a tear from the corner of his eye. "Those are awful! Spare me!"

"Okay, okay!" Duo snickered, sitting back in his chair again. He folded his arms behind his head as he grinned and then propped his feet up on the controls again. "I'll give it a rest. Are you sure you don't want me to fly for awhile?"

"No, I'm perfectly fine," Quatre glanced over at him with a smile. "And I don't mind your jokes at all, honestly. I just need a moment to catch my breath! Where did you learn all of those jokes? You've been non-stop for over an hour!"

Duo shrugged a little, glad he could entertain Quatre while they flew. He still felt badly about what had happened at the desert base, even though he knew logically that it wasn't either of their faults. "You grow up on the streets and you find weird ways of entertaining yourself."

Quatre paused for just a moment as he digested the information, but having been raised himself with the most impeccable of manners, he didn't show any outward surprise. "Well, I think you're a very funny person, Duo, no matter where you come from. I've never thought that I had much of a sense of comedic timing. I appreciate your company a great deal right now. Even though I'm alone inside my Gundam, I've gotten used to traveling with the Maguanacs. I think I would feel very isolated right now if it were otherwise. If you weren't here." Quatre realized he was rambling and his eyes flickered over to Duo again.

The braided pilot's eyes were closed and his body had gone limp, so that he looked like a tangle of arms and legs and braid all jumbled up and nearly sliding out of the chair. He had fallen asleep. With those vibrant violet eyes closed, Quatre could now see more clearly the dark circles underneath them as well as how pale he was in general. _He looks so small asleep in that chair… but maybe that's because when he's awake, his personality is so much larger than he is._

Duo had offered at least five times to fly the shuttle, but Quatre had politely refused each time. Mostly, he tried to convince himself, it was because he already knew the flight route. Deep down, he knew it was because, through his empathy, he could almost hear Duo's exhaustion screaming at him. He hadn't tried to press the other pilot for any details regarding the mission or Heero Yuy since their talk back at the base. It just didn't feel like the right time. Really, he'd been waiting for the other boy to finally crash.

Now alone with his thoughts, Quatre watched as the sky began to lighten and eventually the ashy blue-gray began to pink around the edge to the east. He felt like he had hardly had time to process what had happened in the last 48 hours, but thankfully, they would probably be stuck in Africa for at least a little while. It was highly unlikely after Heero's self-detonation that they would be receiving any news from home, especially considering the so-called surrender of that unknown man from the colonies.

Quatre let his mind drift over lists of supplies to buy, things to do, sources to check with and before he knew it, he could see the curl of the Congo River below him. Wanting to let Duo rest as long as possible, he carefully guided the shuttle down into a very small clearing that was excellently camouflaged on the side opposite the river by a cliff. He spent a few minutes setting up some networking between Sandrock, Deathscythe and his laptop and then gathered a few things to take with them to the retreat. Finally, he knelt beside Duo's chair and, placing one hand gently on his shoulder, shook him lightly. "Duo? We've arrived. We should--"

Duo's eyes snapped open and his hand was around Quatre's throat before the blond could even finish the question. Turquoise eyes widened in front of Duo's suddenly alert face and a heartbeat later, his mind caught up. "Fuck, I'm sorry!" He dropped the hand immediately and blinked at Quatre a few times. "I'm so sorry – I didn't mean--" _Hope I didn't totally freak him out…_ Duo's reflexes were near instantaneous, despite his exhaustion, and they showed how on edge he was.

"No, it's okay!" Quatre flailed both hands in front of his face. "I know you didn't mean--"

Impulsively, Duo reached out to wrap arms around Quatre's shoulders, hugging him very tightly, very quickly, before jumping to his feet. "Why didn't you wake me?! I woulda loved to see the view."

"Oh! Sorry!" Quatre had jumped to his feet now too and followed Duo as he walked out of the cockpit to nearly trip over their bags, ready to go. "I guess I should have considered that, but I just thought--"

Duo turned back so suddenly that Quatre bumped right into him and he grabbed the blond's shoulders, looking him in the eye with a mock serious look. "Quatre. Relax. I'm fine."

_  
o/ I've been having difficulties keeping to myself  
Feelings and emotions better left up on the shelf /o_

Quatre froze when Duo grabbed him, but his expression softened at the other pilot's words and he nodded. "Yes. Okay. Well, let's grab our bags and go. To my retreat."

"Retreat?" Duo followed Quatre back to the rear of the carrier where the two Gundams were.

"The place we're going. It's about a mile from here, but the terrain is rough. I've set up a network between the two Gundams and my laptop. The program will notify us immediately if any message comes in."

"Oh, wow," Duo replied, glancing over his shoulder at Quatre in surprise. "So we won't need to come out here several times a day to check?"

"Not at all."

Duo turned away from Quatre to touch the foot of his Gundam briefly. "Well, buddy… see you a little later then, I guess."

"Don't worry - Sandrock will be keeping Deathscythe company," Quatre added kindly and seriously, and was surprised when Duo burst into laughter. "Wait! What did I say?"

"And you think you have no comedic timing!" Slinging an arm around Quatre's neck, he led him out of the carrier, stopping to grab their bags on the way.

"I wasn't trying to be funny!"

"Sure, you weren't," Duo agreed, still chuckling as they started the hike to the "retreat." Duo hadn't the slightest clue what a retreat was, but he was sure he was about to find out.

* * *

"Hell of a place you've got here!" _Hell of a place doesn't exactly cut it…_ Duo hadn't known what to expect as they climbed the cliff and clawed their way through the heavy jungle brush. When they finally came to a high fence with an electronic keypad on the gate, he had a feeling that it was just getting good. And he was right.

The retreat was like one of those postcards… _Greetings from Paradise… in the middle of Nowheresville, Jungle, Africa!_ Duo's eyes drank in the rippling pools and sparkling fountains set between lush gardens of bright orange and purple flowers as he followed Quatre across the complex. The buildings were all a pristine white, with large windows and high arches. He had to shake himself out of a near stupor in order to focus on what the other pilot was saying.

"…is the largest river in Western Central Africa. Its overall length of 4,700 km makes it the second longest in Africa, after the Nile. The river and its tributaries flow through the second largest rain forest area in the world, which is second only to the Amazon Rainforest in South America."

Duo wondered quietly if Quatre secretly had a computer stored in his brain – or at least an encyclopedia – but he didn't interrupt as he followed the other pilot into the largest building in the group.

"The river also has the second-largest flow in the world, behind the Amazon, and the second-largest watershed of any river, again trailing the Amazon. Because large sections of the river basin lie above and below the equator, its flow is stable, as there is always at least one river experiencing a rainy season."

"That's… really interesting," Duo responded, when it seemed like Quatre had paused for his reaction. "I know Earth's geography pretty well from studying it before the mission began, but not to the level of detail that you do."

Quatre smiled, trying not to look too pleased at the compliment and then gestured behind him. "There's a full kitchen back there and a cupboard of non-perishables, but we ought to go down to the village to get some fresh things too."

"Village?" Duo turned in slow circles around the room they were standing in. He thought the floors were probably polished marble, because they reminded him of a palace, and all of the furniture had a strange look to it. He guessed that it was probably something native to the area. "There's a village nearby?"

"Duo!" Quatre swatted him on the shoulder. "Were you listening to anything I was saying? I'm going to go through the stores in the basement to see what we can use for trading. Why don't you go pick a room to leave your bag in." And with those directions, Quatre promptly disappeared through the door to the kitchen, leaving Duo alone.

To the west of the main door they'd entered from originally was a hallway, hung with exotic looking paintings on the walls between evenly spaced, identical doors. Opening the second one he came to, Duo stepped inside a bright and airy room. He was at an interesting corner of the building, so that there were windows on two sides of the room, one looking out over a pool and another facing the interior gardens of the entire complex. There was a large wrought iron bed in the middle of the room, perfectly laid out with a pale yellow blanket and several fluffy pillows. Duo set his bag down on a chair beside the door and walked into the room, just standing quietly.

Perfectly still was exactly the way Quatre found him a few minutes later. He was used to people being intimidated by the extravagance his family lived in, and sometimes it annoyed him, but Duo's sense of wonder was so oddly endearing that he couldn't hold it against him. "Ready?"

"Sure!" As if the momentary trance had never happened, Duo followed Quatre out of the building and to the front gate of the retreat. A dirt road led away from the gate and down a hill, but Duo could see nothing ahead as they started walking.

At the base of the hill, the dirt road broke into several paths and they took the center one. After coming over a small rise, Duo could finally see the village at the very banks of the large river. It was made up mostly of shacks and lean-tos and he realized as they drew closer that none of the people milling about were dressed in anything close to normal, modern clothing. The next shock came when one of them looked up and pointed at them and Quatre called out in a language he had never heard before. "What?"

"I'm just greeting them," Quatre murmured softly to Duo as people, male and female, old and young, moved closer to see who had come to the village. "I'm sure they know my father, so don't worry. I can speak a rudimentary amount of the language."

Duo had no idea what to say to that, so he just jammed his hands in his pockets and tried to look as friendly as he could while Quatre conversed with some of the older men. For all the awkwardness he sometimes displayed, when it was necessary, Quatre seemed to be really good at communicating with people. He moved effortlessly from reciting facts about the area they were in to speaking the language of the people and Duo had to admit that he was both intrigued and impressed. When, after a few minutes of conversation, it appeared that they had been welcomed into the village, he left Quatre to do the trading and wandered down to the water's edge.

The river was nothing like the ocean he'd taken a swim in when he'd first arrived on Earth. The color was darker and murkier and the current was far more swift. In contrast, though, only small ripples and waves washed up on the banks and a group of small children were playing in a decent-sized natural wading pool sectioned off by a fallen tree. He couldn't understand what they were saying, but he watched as they chased each other around a large rock in the knee deep water, the tallest holding something high above his head. It looked like the carved out half of some sort of hard-shelled fruit. The chase and argument ended quickly and soon the smaller children were crowded around the tallest as he stuck a stick poked through a leaf into the shell. Setting the boat down in the water, all of the children made sounds of disgust or disappointment when the little boat just whirled around in a circle, unable to catch the current or the breeze running across the pool.

"Hey!" Duo called out and they all looked up in alarm, the smallest girl running to hide behind the legs of one of the older children. "I can fix it!" They all looked at him curiously and he realized they had no idea what he was talking about. Holding up one hand palm out in what he hoped was a universal "wait" sign, he climbed over part of the thick grass at the edge of the pool. He held out a hand towards the boat, catching the eyes of the eldest boy for permission. When the child nodded, Duo plucked up the little boat and pulled the leaf off of the stick. Handing the boat to the boy, he took the leaf and carefully rolled it between his palms until the very edges of it started to curl inward. Satisfied, he plucked the boat out of the boy's hands and carefully slid the leaf back on through the same hole. With a bit of a flourish, he handed the boat back. "Go ahead, try it."

The children's gazes moved from Duo to the little boat as the eldest boy carefully placed it back in the water. This time, the leaf caught the wind and in combination with the current, it started to race across the pool towards where the water was trickling out around the tree. Laughing and splashing, the children dove after it, leaving Duo standing alone beside the boy. Duo gave the boy a thumbs up, which he seemed to understand, because he grinned and returned it before gesturing to himself with both hands. "Bem!"

Duo pointed at the boy and carefully repeated the word. "Bem." The boy nodded excitedly and then pointed at Duo, so Duo pointed at himself and said. "Duo."

The boy tried to repeat the name and laughed at how weird it sounded on his tongue. "D'wo," he tried.

"Close enough!" Duo grinned and when the boy held out his hand, he tried to shake it. Laughing, the boy whistled to one of his friends and the two demonstrated the fastest, flashiest handshake Duo had ever seen. He was just in the process of trying to learn it from them when Quatre appeared at the edge of the pool.

"Are you ready to go, Duo? I've got everything we need." He'd been watching the braided pilot and the children since right about the time the little boat had sent everyone running. Quatre wasn't sure exactly what Duo had said or done, but he'd apparently endeared himself to the entire group of children in a matter of minutes, so much so that he looked completely comfortable and totally regretful that it was time to go. Quatre was amazed that without a single word of language, Duo had managed to befriend all of them so quickly.

"Next time!" he tried to tell the children and Quatre translated for him. "What are they saying?"

"They're thanking you," Quatre started. "And saying that they hope you come back to play again."

Carefully mimicking them, Duo said goodbye as well and then helped Quatre carry the fresh meat and fruit he'd traded for back up to the retreat. They had both started to drag by the time they'd put everything away, and Duo was so tired that he didn't even bother with a shower before falling into the soft bed to dream a blissfully dreamless sleep.

_o/ Animals and children tell the truth, they never lie  
Which one is more human  
There's a thought, now you decide /o_

* * *

Duo wasn't sure if it was the daylight-bright flash of lightning or the earth-shaking boom following it that woke him from a dead sleep, but the rain was pouring down so hard on the roof that he barely even heard Quatre's voice.

"Duo!"

"I'm awake, I'm awake," he stumbled a little as he rolled out of the bed. "What's going on?!" The flash came again and he could see in the brief light that Quatre was already soaking wet.

"I need your help! This storm is awful and some of the villagers have started to come and beg refuge for the night, knowing we're here!"

"And you need…" He pulled on his boots and started to follow Quatre down the hallway and back to the main room, where a large group of wet and distressed people were waiting.

"Someone to take charge while I--" Quatre never got to finish his sentence as another figure burst through the door, sobbing loudly. Duo couldn't understand anything she was saying as Quatre and one of the other villagers tried to calm her down until Duo caught one word.

"Bem? Did you say Bem?" He turned to Quatre and shook him by the shoulder, his eyes wide. "Did she say Bem?!"

"Yes, she did," Quatre responded. He was already moving across the room to a closet, from which he started to pull rope, tarps and flashlights. "One of the children is trapped. I've got to go and help."

"I'm coming too," Duo demanded and there was a hardness to his expression that clearly said that there was no arguing with him. Quatre nodded again, and with one of the villagers leading the way, they stepped out into the storm.

The street orphan from L2 had never known the fury of a real storm – colony climate controls didn't provide for such extremes. The rain pounded down so hard that the flashlights were nearly useless, but Duo soon found his eyes adjusting to the darkness. The dirt road leading to the village had become a slippery muddy mess, so most of the time, they were picking their way down the hill through the dense vegetation.

Quatre, desert child, was also distinctly out of his element in the rainforest, but after the kindness with which they'd been welcomed, he was determined to help. When they reached the village, he found that those villagers remaining were near the engorged edge of the river. The pool from earlier that afternoon was now fully engulfed and lost in the torrent of water, and standing precariously on a large rock was Duo's little friend, Bem.

As soon as Duo saw where Bem was, he ran as fast as he could to the edge of the water, calling his name, and Bem seemed immediately renewed with hope at the sight of the pilot. "Bem! I'm here! I'm gonna help you! Be brave, Bem!" Duo's eyes were scanning the area at the edge of the river, looking for a possible escape route, because it was obvious that crossing the water on foot was not a viable option without being swept away immediately. Turning back to Quatre, he grabbed a length of rope and ran to the one of the nearby trees. "Quatre! I'm going to climb out over that branch! If I inch out along it and drop the rope down…""

"Duo, that's dangerous!"

"I don't care!" Duo was already tying the rope around the base of the tree, running it around, up and over the branch before making another loop at the end. He wrapped that loop around his hand twice and proceeded to climb the tree, more grateful than ever for the grip on his favorite boots. The rain made the surface of the tree slippery and Duo wrapped his legs around it, using his arms to slide himself along in a sitting position. He didn't look down at the rushing river beneath him until he could see Bem standing on the rock out of the corner of his eye. This was the difficult part. _If I can just get him to catch the rope…_

Duo started to unwind the rope from around his hand right at the moment that the branch cracked underneath him. He didn't even have time to yell, scrambling towards the rock as he fell. Luckily, the drop wasn't far at all and he managed to get his feet under him, but he nearly knocked Bem off in the process. "Sorry!" Duo yelled, as the water was now loud enough around him that he could barely hear himself. The branch had broken, but Duo still had the rope – a lifeline to the shore. Duo thought hard for a moment and then waved at Quatre, making a large motion with arms to signify pulling before pointing at where he'd tied the rope to the tree. Understanding him, Quatre started to gather the remaining villagers around the rope, each of them grabbing hold.

Duo unwound the rope from his hand and put the entire loop around Bem, tightening it to an almost painful point. Gripping the boy's face between his hands, he stared him hard in the eyes, trying to communicate to him that it would be okay. Abruptly, he waved at Quatre again and then, without warning, pushed Bem off the rock and into the river.

The villagers responded immediately, pulling the rope away from the shore with all their might. Duo counted _1…2…3…4…5…_ and Bem popped out of the water on the other side of the river. The villagers crowded around him and Quatre stood alone at the edge of the river, staring at Duo with the most distraught look Duo had seen on his face so far in the short time of their friendship. With the branch broken, there seemed to be no way to get the rope back to him, but Duo had been more worried about making sure Bem got back safely – and less weight was a faster pull.

_It wouldn't be so bad if I died here, would it? Better than at OZ's hands…_

Quatre was stunned. He hadn't expected Duo to send the child alone and leave himself out there alone on the rock in the midst of the rushing water, but it had happened so quickly that it had already been too late by the time he realized. _I can't just leave him out there… _ The end of the rope was still in Quatre's hands and without even signaling to Duo what he was about to do, he curled it into a ball and heaved it with all his might. It missed, falling far short. Determined, Quatre pulled the rope back in and wound it up more carefully, taking care to make it easy to unravel as it flew across the water. By now, the villagers had recovered from their joy at Bem's safety and were watching what he was doing. Duo had caught on as well and stood poised with arms outstretched.

Lightning flashed again, making Duo look, for a moment, like a wraith out upon the rock, black and white with his braid flying out behind him in the wind. Quatre took a deep breath and heaved the rope again, stumbling a little. He looked up and his breath caught in his throat – Duo seemed about to reach out and grab it – and the fallen tree that had been the source of the earlier pool finally dislodged and clipped him right in the back of the knees as it sailed down the river. A look of utter surprise on his face, Duo toppled into the water.

"DUO!!" Quatre bellowed. _If he didn't grab the rope, he's already gone._ "PULL!" he commanded and everyone jumped forward to grab the rope, dragging it backwards with everything they had. It felt like there was weight on the end, but it was hard to tell with the current. _Is he…?_

Duo barely knew how to swim beyond the doggie paddle and a basic float, but he didn't think it could have possibly mattered anyway. He felt himself falling and aligned his eye with the end of the rope as if he were viewing a target through the scope on a gun. As the icy water engulfed him, he reached, connected and held on for dear life.

Quatre nearly collapsed over Duo's body as he dragged the other pilot onto shore. Duo was coughing and spluttering and Quatre kind of wanted to kill him, but he was safe. "You scared me nearly to death!" Quatre yelled at him and amazingly, Duo laughed.

"That was one of the wildest rides of my life!"

* * *

_o/ Compassion in the jungle  
Compassion in your hands /o  
_

It was nearly dawn by the time everyone was safely at the retreat, but the rain hadn't let up yet. Duo left Quatre handing out the last of the food they had and went to take a shower. He was a little bit shaken after the events of the evening and realized, as he brushed out his wet, muddy, tangled hair, that it had been several days since he'd had even half a night's proper rest.

He was surprised to find Quatre waiting in his room for him when he was finished, already showered and changed himself and looking deeply pensive. "Are you okay?" His tone was serious and much heavier than usual, but Duo smiled as he crossed the room.

"I'm just fine, thanks to your excellent life-saving skills!"

Quatre stepped closer and let his eyes roam slowly from head to toe, checking him over to make sure he was really okay. "Don't make jokes about almost getting yourself killed!"

Duo laughed softly and elbowed Quatre. "S'alright. You owed me one for the train stoppage the other day!" Without really thinking about, he leaned forward and planted a light peck on Quatre's cheek. "If you wake up before me and the rain's done, come and get me. I want to see how the village fared."

He hopped up into the bed and pulled the covers up to his chin, leaving Quatre to stand dazedly in the doorway for a moment. When he realized that Duo wasn't going to say anything else, he turned to go, touching his hand to his cheek distractedly as he walked back to his own room.

* * *

Duo had no idea how long he'd been asleep, but the sun shining in the windows woke him. The rain had finally passed. He was surprised to find all of his clothing cleaned and laid out on the chair beside the door and he dressed before making his way down the hall. The building was quiet and virtually empty, but Quatre appeared through the kitchen door almost immediately.

"Good morning, Duo! I was just about to wake you. I haven't been down to the village yet, but I hear it's not looking good."

When the two pilots made their way down to the village, they were stunned by the complete and utter destruction. The thunderstorm had caused a small mudslide, which, along with the engorged river, had washed away most of the buildings. The river hadn't quite returned to its usual size, but the current had already slowed down a great deal. Duo listened as Quatre talked quietly with a few of the villagers and then he came back to Duo with a troubled look on his face.

"I know this village isn't our responsibility, but--"

"Quatre, if there's anything we can do to help them, we should." Duo's words were firm and implied that although he hadn't forgotten their mission, he saw no problem with trying to offer assistance.

With a grateful smile, Quatre continued with his latest plan. "There's a larger town about half a day's boat ride up the river. I've already assured the villagers that you and I will go to buy supplies for rebuilding the village – wood, rope, nails, cooking items – and the village elder promised he would keep order back at the retreat."

"You have a boat?"

"Of course I do."

_Of course he does…_ Duo was definitely still not used to Quatre's ability to pull things from out of thin air.

Seeing that it was an easily navigable route sailing up the river, Duo and Quatre went alone. The boat was a decent size for transporting stuff, but not the type of boat that would accommodate overnight passengers. Quatre had his laptop, complete with detailed maps of the area, as their navigation tool, so for awhile Duo simply enjoyed hanging over the edge of the railing and watching the scenery fly by them.

"So you've really never been here before?"

"No, I haven't," Quatre watched Duo holding his hand over the side of the boat to catch the spray of water.

"Everywhere on Earth is new to me. I was born on L2 and this is the first time in my life that I've ever left the colonies."

"I was born on L4, so I understand how you feel. I've had years and years of memorizing history books and studying the arts, but it's nothing compared to seeing all of the places I've read about. I do hope that when the war is over, I'll be able to travel to all of the most famous cities on Earth."

Duo hadn't stopped to think about "after the war" at all. He hadn't really had plans before getting caught up in Operation Meteor, nor did he have any plans for his life should it ever end. He glanced at Quatre over his shoulder before responding rather cheekily. "I suppose I'll just end up wherever the wind blows me!"

Quatre smiled and nodded, but he didn't miss the way Duo tended to avoid things he didn't want to talk about by changing the subject with a little dash of his odd humor. Despite the misadventures of the past few days, Quatre was still a little worried about saying the wrong thing to the other boy. He had to admit to himself that he'd already grown fond of having someone to talk to, someone who understood. _I tried hard with Trowa to form a bond, but other than the music, he didn't seem to want to connect…_ Quatre wanted Duo to feel comfortable talking to him, so he let Duo change topics whenever he felt the need.

"Hey, is that the town up ahead?" Duo pointed into the distance and sure enough, the tops of buildings had started to rise up ahead of them on both sides of the river.

The two pilots were anchored and ashore again by midday and they spent the rest of the afternoon wandering the business district. Duo was happy to find that many people spoke the common language here, so he could communicate enough verbally to haggle over prices.

At first, Quatre was a little startled by Duo's banter with all of the different shopkeepers, but after awhile he realized it was just more of the braided pilot's intuitive ability to connect with people. He had that certain kind of charisma where with little more than a smile and a handshake, he managed to convey his sincerity. Quatre hadn't forgotten his initial introduction of "…but I never tell a lie" and yet he also caught Duo's slippery fingers pilfering a piece of fruit or a wedge of cheese here and there. Quatre made sure to accidentally leave an extra coin at those places. _For all that I really do believe he says the truth when he speaks, Duo is quite the bundle of contradictions sometimes…_

"I think that's the last thing on your list!" Duo leaned over Quatre's shoulder to point at the bottom of the lengthy list of crossed-off items.

"Yes, it is," Quatre crossed the last one off and then tucked the list into his pocket. "But it's far too late to head back to the retreat. Our boat isn't really safe for nighttime travel. We should have everything delivered to our boat and find somewhere to spend the night.

Duo nodded, making some arrangements with the last shopkeeper while Quatre inquired about the closest inn. There had been no discussion between them about paying to repair the village or to spend the night. Quatre seemed to take it upon himself to take care of things and Duo didn't question him. He had enough money stored away in various locations for use on this mission, but not the kind of money Quatre obviously had. Money was still a bit alien to Duo in some ways, as he'd grown up virtually without it. _There are a lot of things about Quatre that are just so different from my own experiences…_ He wondered if those differences were the reasons why Quatre rarely tried to contradict or fight with him, quite aware that the longer they spent together, the more at ease he felt.

The sun was almost set by the time the pair had eaten a quick dinner and booked themselves a room at an inn near the harbor. It was overly warm even with the windows open, as the small place lacked the air conditioning of Quatre's retreat and mosquito netting hung thickly around the canopy bed to keep out the bugs. Restless, Duo stood at the window, looking out above the tree tops to the stars above. The town was small enough that the night sky was still bright and for just a moment, he felt a pang of homesickness and sighed.

"Duo?" Quatre's voice came immediately from where he was seated at a small table, clicking away on the laptop. "You okay?"

Duo didn't turn around to face Quatre, but he nodded. "Don't worry about me."

_I already feel like I worry about you probably more than I should…_ "You really don't mind sharing the bed--"

"Nah. It's big enough for both of us and totally pointless to rent two rooms." Duo turned away from the window now, leaning against the wall beside it and crossing his arms over his chest. "But I want you to know… what you're doing for this village is really admirable. I really think you're a deeply compassionate and kind-hearted person." Duo enjoyed watching the blush that quickly crept up in the blond's face and being the tease that he was, couldn't resist provoking him just a little more. "Wake me when it's time to go, okay?" He strolled across the room to stand between the bed and the table where Quatre sat and leaned over to give him a peck on the cheek, just as he had the night before. "And don't stay up too late obsessing about the rebuilding. We'll make it work." He reached to flip off the light switch and then jumped into the bed, flopping on top of the blankets and yanking the mosquito netting around himself.

For the second night in a row, Duo left Quatre a bit stunned with his parting gesture – and not just the peck, which he'd almost been expecting, but his words. _Am I that transparent or is he just perceptive?_ He sat for a long time staring blankly at the computer screen before he finally shut the laptop and moved to stand at the window where Duo had been standing earlier. _All of us pilots… we all seem to be so different and yet we all came to share the same fate. Is it coincidence… or destiny?_

_o/ Would you like to make a run for it  
Would you like to take my hand? /o_

* * *

_o/ Cause I want to live like animals  
Careless and free like animals /o  
_

Once the two boys returned from the trip, the rebuilding of the village began in earnest. Under Quatre's careful planning, the actual location was shifted slightly to sturdier ground, in hopes of preventing the same disaster from repeating. Although he still made a habit of checking his laptop twice a day for incoming messages – there were none – Quatre was all too happy to lose himself in the designing of the new village.

Duo actually found that a lot of the mechanical skills of building and repairing Gundams and other machinery also applied to being able to visualize, construct and reconstruct the structures that had been demolished. The braided pilot spent many hours sitting in high places, hammering nails or tying ropes, humming and singing cheerfully. By the third day, he was trekking from the retreat to the village and back completely barefoot and a week in, he lost the shirt, rolled up the pants and gained a necklace from which dangled a single bright blue feather. From dawn til dusk he worked alongside the men and boys to rebuild the village and after the sun set, he would play hand-slapping games or skim rocks along the river with Bem and the other children. He had never lived life like this before, carefree and in harmony with the forces of the universe, part of a community.

_And to think… these people don't know anything about the war or the Gundams. They probably don't even know that the colonies exist._

Alongside this rebuilding, many of the women of the village were beginning to prepare a feast. The retreat was turned into a noisy, bustling jumble of activity as preparations went on for days. Almost three weeks to the day of the terrible storm, the group gathered in the heart of the new village before a roaring fire to celebrate the new beginning.

_o/ I want to live  
I want to run through the jungle  
The wind in my hair and the sand at my feet /o_

Quatre sat at the center of the group of villagers, his heart swelling with the joy and gratitude the village elder expressed in his speech towards everyone that had worked in the rebuilding. There was a lot of cheering and singing and then the feast began. When the meal was nearly concluded, several of the men went to retrieve drums and set up in a semi-circle, playing a rhythmic beat.

This seemed to signal Bem and the other children in some way and they raced around behind one of the buildings excitedly. Bored with only half-understanding the conversations around him, Duo got up and followed them. Around the back of the building, he found the group of children with some of the younger women, all rushing around in a flurry of feathers and flowers.

"D'wo!" Bem cried excitedly as soon as he caught sight of the pilot. He ran over and started talking quickly, but Duo put up his hands to show "I don't understand". Bem paused for a moment in thought, then started to move gracefully, slow-motion miming some kind of dance before pointing at Duo.

"You want me to dance with you?" Duo pointed first at himself and then at Bem, who nodded swiftly. Catching onto what was going on, some of the other children began to tug on his hands and beg what he guessed was much the same thing. "Well, why not?"

Duo had no idea what would happen next as he followed the women and children back around the building. The drumming had paused momentarily as everyone in the village began clapping in anticipation. _I have no idea what I'm doing…_ It didn't matter though, for the drumming began anew and with a whoop of glee, the group jostled him into the center. Standing still for a moment to listen to the music, Duo watched the movements of the other dancers. He closed his eyes and let the rhythm take him somewhere far away.

Quatre hadn't even realized Duo was gone until the drumming started and he looked around to find him missing. As the dancers came sweeping back into the feast, he found the other pilot's pale skin among the darker villagers and then felt his heart skip at the sight. Like the other dancers, Duo had woven garlands of bright jungle flowers around his wrists and ankles. His hair was unbraided and fell in waves to almost his knees, with one purple flower tucked behind his ear. The blue feather necklace was bright against his pale skin. As the dancers began to move, Quatre watched as Duo closed his eyes and joined them. He didn't exactly know the steps they were using, but he moved with the rhythm the drums were playing, the same as anyone else.

If it had been his choice, Duo might have chosen to freeze that moment for just awhile longer, because it was over far too soon. Bem and his friends were standing around him as the villagers applauded and they all started to yell the same thing at him over and over. Completely lost to the meaning, Duo sought out Quatre in the crowd and waved. As the group started to disperse for the night, the two pilots met up and started to walk up the road to the retreat. Duo repeated the phrase as best he could and asked Quatre to translate.

"Well, it doesn't translate quite literally," the blond mused as they walked along. "It's not quite 'I am you' or 'you are me'… but not quite 'we are all one' either…" He glanced at Duo and couldn't help but smile at the flowers he was still wearing. "Maybe the closest I can get is… 'one of us'?"

Duo gave a huge smile, but it faded rather quickly into a wistful sort of expression. "One of us…"

"Duo…?" They were just inside the main gate of the retreat now and Quatre paused mid-step, looking at Duo with a hint of concern.

"Wouldn't it be easy, Quatre…" he said in a voice that was low, soft and serious. "Just to forget it all?" Duo's eyes gazed up at the starry sky above them for a moment and he reached to touch the purple blossom in his hair with one gentle finger.

"I…" _Is he asking what I think he's asking…?_

"Nevermind, don't answer that!" The moment was gone almost as soon as it had come and Duo's usual cheerful expression had returned. "I'm just being silly, of course, silly like usual. G'night Quatre. Wake me in the morning and we'll go find the waterfall that Bem told me about tonight." He turned to plant a kiss on Quatre's cheek as he had the past two nights.

Without actually thinking about what he was doing, Quatre reached out to grab Duo's wrist at the same time as he turned his face towards Duo, purposefully letting those lips brush his own. Duo was obviously startled and Quatre met his wide eyes for a long, silent moment before he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Duo's again.

The kiss was almost transparent at first as Quatre caught Duo's bottom lip between his own two, and then it seemed to explode almost instantaneously. Quatre's hands went to tangle in Duo's hair as Duo wrapped one arm snug around his waist and their lips parted, tongues dancing around each other in a questioning game. They kissed until they could hardly breathe, both feeling the edge of desperation and confusion tugging at that growing intensity. When they finally broke, Duo took two quick steps back before meeting Quatre's eyes.

Neither of them knew what to say at the moment, each equally afraid of offending the other or starting something they might not be able to finish. "Quatre, I'm sor--"

"Don't…Duo." Quatre shook his head with a small smile and started again towards the main building. "Good night."

Duo watched him until he disappeared through the door and then sighed a little. _I have no idea what the hell just happened._

* * *

After a restless night of unsettled dozing, Duo found that he was already awake when Quatre opened the door to his room the next morning and peeked in. For a moment, he was afraid that things would be really awkward, but Quatre had a smile on his face as he approached the bed. "Oh, I'm glad you're already awake! Bem and his friends are here asking about the waterfall. We're still going, right?"

Duo sat up and looked at Quatre for a moment, but could read nothing negative in his demeanor. _I'm still not sure how he feels… or even how I feel about what happened last night, but… I can see now that Quatre is no more a grudge-holder than I am._ "Life's too short!" Duo responded, hopping off the bed and reaching for his bag. Turning it upside down, he shook most of the rest of the contents onto the floor, looking for something better suited to swimming than his usual black pants. "Gotta seize the day!"

Quietly relieved that Duo seemed his usual chipper self, Quatre watched Duo make an even bigger mess out of his room. "Do you need something to swim in?"

Duo found what he was looking for and turned back to Quatre, wagging one finger in his face. "You really do love to take care of people, don't you?"

Quatre crossed his arms over his chest in a playful imitation of Duo. "And so what if I do? It seems like your mess could use some of my help!" Duo's eyes widened at the teasing and for a moment, it looked like he was going to pounce on Quatre for revenge, but the blond was too quick. Already out the door, he called over his shoulder. "Don't keep us waiting too long!"

The hike to the waterfall was not very far and as soon as they arrived, Bem and his friends climbed up to the top and started jumping off of it into the deep pool below. Duo sat down by the edge of the pool and stuck his feet in, content to watch them for awhile, but it wasn't long before the boys were begging him to join them.

"Umm, Quatre…" Duo called to where his friend was sitting under a shady tree, reading a book. "Can you tell them I'm not that strong of a swimmer? This water's pretty deep."

Closing the book, Quatre walked over to where Duo was and sat down on the rock beside him. "You're afraid of the water and yet you left yourself b stranded in the middle of a rushing river to rescue Bem?"

Duo chuckled a little and shrugged. "Hey, I never said I was afraid of the water. It' just that most of my experience with it has been in a human-sized fish tank for the purposes of doggie paddle survival skills."

Quatre laughed hard at that and then slid himself off the rock and into the water below. "Growing up in the desert colony, swimming isn't my strongest skill either."

"Memorizing history books, then?" Duo teased, not surprised when Quatre splashed him in response.

"Get in the water with me. I'm sure I could help you."

More to prove he wasn't afraid than any other reason, Duo slid off the rock and into the water as well. Treading water clumsily beside Quatre, he watched enviously as the blond floated effortlessly on his back. "You make it look easy."

"Mind over matter," Quatre responded, promptly righting himself. "Air is lighter than water. There's a lot more space inside you than you realize. The human body floats, especially when you take in extra air by breathing in." True to his words, Quatre took a deep breath and angled his body back into a float for a moment. Duo tried to mimic him, but only ended up choking on a mouthful of water as he sank crookedly.

"Epic fail," he spluttered.

Quatre laughed and then, treading water beside Duo, brought a hand to his back. "Try again. I'll keep my hand under your back so that you won't sink, so stop thinking you will. Take a really deep breath, relax your body and try and focus your eyes on the trees above us."

_I'm lighter than the water…_ Duo closed his eyes, took a deep breath and re-angled his body, deeply aware of Quatre's hand firmly against the small of his back. _I'm lighter than the water…_

"That's it! Stay relaxed!" Quatre slowly slid his hand away, leaving Duo floating unaided in the water. "You've got it, Duo! I'm not even helping you!"

Of course, the moment he said that, Duo's eyes snapped open, his concentration broken, and he started to flail again. Latching onto Quatre, they fought playfully for a few minutes until Duo swam to the edge and climbed out. "And now, thanks to your tutoring of the back float, I am now prepared to make the flying leap!"

Quatre translated for Bem and the other children, and Bem ran to climb the waterfall with Duo. When they reached the top, Duo grabbed Bem's hand and looked out over the edge. The water seemed very far below, but when Duo met Quatre's eyes from his position at the bottom, he was suddenly quite sure that his friend wouldn't let anything happen to him if decided to have another "epic fail" moment.

"1…2…3…!" By the time Duo got to 3, Bem had figured out what he was saying and they ran the last four steps before jumping out into oblivion together. Breaking the surface of the water with an enormous splash, Duo was surprised at how far he went down without ever touching the bottom. When he came up coughing and spluttering, he was greeted with the sounds of cheers.

"Not the most graceful form," Quatre teased Duo as they swam to the edge of the pool. "But you receive top points for bravery!" The two boys climbed out of the pool and retreated under the leafy shade, where Bem and his friends had taken a break from swimming to climb some trees in search of fruit.

Stretched out under the tree, Duo was so relaxed and tired from not sleeping well that he feel asleep with a piece of half-eaten fruit still in his hand. It seemed like only a moment passed before Quatre shaking him gently woke him. He blinked sleepily at the other pilot, noticing immediately the troubled look on his face. "Mm, sorry, Quatre… did I doze off?"

"Yes, but we need to go. It looks like we might be getting some rain again soon." He turned away almost immediately, reaching to pick up his book and his shoulder bag. Bem and the other children had already headed back to the village, so the two pilots were alone.

"Quatre…?" Duo asked curiously as they started to walk back towards the retreat. The sun had already disappeared behind the quickly gathering clouds and the wind was starting to pick up. He could tell that something was bothering the other boy.

"You said his name in your sleep…" Quatre started quietly, trying to keep his expression neutral. "…and I wondered… just how close you two were…you and Heero Yuy."

Just hearing the name was enough to make Duo flinch and he tried to brush it off. "I don't remember what I was dreaming about at all."

Quatre had let a lot of Duo's brush-offs go in the time they'd known each other, but he could tell that the death of the other pilot was still weighing heavily on him. He also hadn't missed how much and how easily Duo had immersed himself in the lives of the villagers and it worried him. "You must have been close in some way," Quatre finally responded, tired of dancing around the topic. "You can try to hide it for whatever reason you want, but I can still tell."

Duo had to bite his tongue to keep from lashing out at Quatre. He deeply disliked anyone trying to tell him how he felt, even if it was true. As friendly a person as he was, Duo guarded his feelings fiercely and didn't discuss them easily. "We spent some time together," he finally offered, but the words were short and clipped.

By now, the two pilots had reached the main gate of the retreat and fat raindrops had started to fall. Quatre turned to Duo, his expression somewhere between sympathy and concern. "Duo, you haven't even asked me in days if we've gotten any messages."

"I figured if we had, you'd tell me," Duo snapped back. The two pilots stared at each other, their emotional natures colliding. The more upset one of them became, the more the other felt badly about it, which in turn, just made them feel even worse for being upset in the first place. Duo finally shook his head and reached to open the door. "I… I'm gonna go take a shower."

Leaving Quatre standing just outside the door, he walked swiftly to his room and closed the door behind him. Duo knew that Quatre was right – that he'd been playing a game with himself of trying not to think about the mission or what had happened before they arrived in Africa. For the moment, Heero Yuy had been filed right beside Father Maxwell in the box of things Duo didn't want to talk about.

Wandering around the square of his room, Duo started to collect the various pieces of clothing and trinkets scattered around. Traveling so often, he'd never gotten in the habit of owning much, but he'd hung onto a few things from the school. He picked up the turquoise necktie and shoved it into his duffle bag and then reached for the marine science textbook, the only one he'd decided to keep. Lifting the book by the cover, he was surprised when two photographs fluttered out and slipped to the floor. Kneeling down, he picked up one of the Polaroids, flipping it over between thumb and finger. His eyes focused on the image and it was like someone had knocked all of the wind out of him.

Staring back at him was a frozen moment from the day he and Heero had spent at the aquarium with the marine science class. In the picture, Heero had just grabbed his hand and plunged it into the pool of sharks and rays. It was so obvious that neither boy knew anyone was watching them, for they were obviously completely absorbed in each other. Duo couldn't help the silent tears that suddenly ran down his cheeks and he took a ragged breath, reaching to flip over the other photo, showing himself with a hand on Heero's arm, leaning close to him.

_How? How did these end up inside my book?!_

Duo knew it could only have been Heero himself. He had to have pilfered the photos when Melanie's folder went flying while getting off the bus – perhaps Heero had even been the cause of her tumble.

_But why not just dispose of them? Why leave them with me?_

Cradling the pictures to his chest, Duo didn't even hear when Quatre opened the door to his room. Finding the braided pilot on his knees in tears, Quatre had no idea what had happened, but he could do only one thing. Rushing over him, he knelt at Duo's side and pulled the other pilot into his arms. "Duo, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have pressed you like that or implied you weren't thinking about the mission. I really didn't mean--"

"No…" Duo choked out, shaking his head as he placed the pictures on the floor, face-down. "Don't apologize for being right. I have been ignoring the world beyond the village. But no matter how I do or don't feel about Heero Yuy, I can't stay here in Africa. I'm not going to abandon the mission."

"Don't you dare blame yourself any more than me for getting caught up," Quatre responded firmly. "You're not the only one who's been a little lost."

"You're forgiven if I'm forgiven," Duo said softly, turning to hug Quatre tightly. The two boys sat like that for awhile, arms around each other, until Duo's breathing had evened out again. Finally, he let go of Quatre and stood up, offering a hand up to the blond. "…thanks."

Quatre held onto Duo's hand for a moment longer than necessary, squeezing it once. "Anytime." He let go of Duo's hand and started towards the door. "If you want, I'll put together something for us to eat and then we can go through today's news reports."

"Yeah, that would be good," Duo attempted a smile. "What's done is done – it's more important we begin to figure out what to do next."

Once he was alone, Duo picked the photos up from where he'd left them overturned on the floor. He stared at them for a moment longer before reaching for his jacket, hung over the back of the chair. Carefully, he slipped the photos into an interior pocket with a sense of renewed dedication. _There's no turning back – not now or ever._

_o/ Sometimes this life can get you down  
It's so confusing  
There's so many rules to follow  
And I feel it  
'Cause I just run away in my mind /o_

* * *

The end of the village's rebuilding and Duo's discovery of the pictures sparked a change in the two pilots. Although they still often went down to the village to eat and spend time, both Duo and Quatre started hunting every news source they could find, looking for mention of the Gundams day and night. A week went by with nothing more than some odd reports about an OZ raid that had gone badly in Italy, but there was no real sign of the other pilots. OZ had spent the last month fighting militaristic nations on Earth, but their overture towards the colonies had been one of peace.

Duo didn't buy it for a second.

Watching the latest reports drone on from the TV, Quatre frowned and started contemplating a new idea.

"…Forces of the former Alliance Military unjustly stationed in the colonies have been forced to surrender. With the new and powerful OZ mobile suits, operations have commenced for removal of space mines. This'll mean communication is re-established between the colonies."

Duo sighed in annoyance from where he was leaning against a column, arms crossed over his chest. "I don't get it. I thought OZ wanted to take over the colonies no matter what it took for them to do it."

Quatre scooted his chair back from the table with a thoughtful expression. "They do. And they're using the dirtiest method. If OZ used force, the colonies would prepare to retaliate. But they'd be accepted if they used the guise of assistance."

Duo turned his face aside and closed his eyes in disgust. "Most people in outer space are easy going. I doubt if anyone will question OZ's plans."

There was a moment of silence before Quatre decided that he couldn't hold back his thoughts any longer. "I think it's time for us to return to space. With our Gundams." _With no word from the colonies and no way to contact the other pilots… OZ keeps us weak by keeping us separated._ "The Gundams were built for the people of the colonies. Only we can save the people from OZ's evil plot."

"You're right," Duo conceded, moving away from the wall to come and stand beside Quatre. "But how do we get into space? It's important that we don't get noticed." _I'm sure OZ's desire to blow us up hasn't changed in the month we've been hiding._

"No, we WANT to get noticed!" Quatre jumped up from the table and headed inside and Duo followed him to his room, somewhat puzzled. "If OZ is falsely promoting peace to get at the colonies then they can't threaten the colonies to get to us."

Duo was starting to see what the other pilot was getting at – they could use OZ's position against themselves as safe passage back home. "But what if OZ gives up their façade?"

Quatre grabbed his laptop, sitting down on the bed, and Duo came to sit beside him. "That'd mean revealing their identity to the colony people. The present OZ wouldn't see that as wise. They can attack us if they choose, but it would look really bad to the people of the colonies."

"And that's the last thing they want, because it would unite more people _against_ them." Duo was quiet for a moment as Quatre pulled up some maps and schematics on the laptop, then continued his thought. "And the bigger splash we make, the more everyone, including the colonies and the other pilots, will notice."

"Exactly," Quatre said with a satisfied nod. "But we also don't want to get ourselves killed by being overwhelmed, numbers-wise." He pointed at the screen. "I think this is our closest best bet – somewhat remote, not a large number of troops kept on site, but big enough to be noticed immediately."

"Singapore?"

Quatre met Duo's gaze with a surprising fierceness. "Let's return to space."

* * *

**Up Next: Chapter 7 - What Do You Do**

* * *


	7. Ch 7 What Do You Do

**Author's Notes:** At last count, 95 people had clicked to read chapter six (though I can't say for sure that they finished it), but only two people let me know if they enjoyed it at all. I want to sincerely give my appreciation to **snowdragonct **and **Kaeru Shisho** for their reviews on ch. 6(and to **Teri Toad** for the new review on ch. 4). I admit that I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the story and definitely keep them in mind when I am writing. "Africa-chapter" (as H and I call it fondly when we talk about it) was a joy for me to write, and reading new reviews is always one of the best moments in my day.

This chapter weaves in and around several episodes to catch you up on what Heero & Trowa have been doing before we see all five pilots in the next chapter for their return to outer space. Thanks for reading!

* * *

**Chapter 7 – What Do You Do – (Episodes 12 – 17)**

_o/ I got a one-way ticket on a hell-bound train  
With nothing to lose and nothing to gain  
Nobody ever taught me how to live /o_

At first, there was nothing. Just a dark, bleak emptiness.

Then, the sound of rushing water, as a river in a storm.

Last, the indistinguishable warbling of a TV turned on too low to understand the voices.

_Relena? _Heero Yuy blinked several times before the world came into focus and then he realized that he did not recognize the curly head of hair that was seated on the couch a few feet away, back to him. As he shifted in the bed, the girl turned towards him, dropping her knitting on the table.

"Hey, you've come to! Wait, I'll go get Trowa!"

"Trowa?" Heero tried to sit up and winced in pain. _I shouldn't even be alive._

The girl lifted her hands in alarm, not sure how to prevent Heero from getting out of the bed. "You should take it easy!" The sound of the door opening behind her distracted Heero and he let himself sink back into the bed. "Trowa, your friend's woken up!"

Trowa walked into the trailer, not at all sure how this conversation was going to go. _I'm not sure a guy with a death wish is going to thank me for the rescue. _ Stopping just inside the doorway, he caught Heero's eyes and they stared hard at each other.

Sensing the tension and realizing they might want to be alone, the girl turned back to look at Heero, clapping her hands together. "Oh, you must be hungry! I'll go make some soup." She made a hasty exit through a nearby door and Trowa took a step closer.

"Where am I?"

"With a traveling circus. Where I hide myself."

Heero clenched his teeth for a moment, trying to keep his temper firmly checked. "Why'd you save me? I was supposed to die." _The mission is over. The Gundam is destroyed and I should have gone with it._

Trowa eyed Heero for a moment longer before sitting down on the couch, his back to the other pilot. He closed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest, trying to figure out the best way to convey his thoughts. After all, he didn't feel at all guilty for having rescued Heero and had no intention of being "blamed" for the fact that he was still alive. _Because it's a ridiculous and overly dramatic concept._ He couldn't help the slight sarcasm that rolled off his tongue as he reached to turn up the volume on the TV. "You died a long time ago."

Heero was surprised by that response, but before he could think of something to say in return, his ears tuned into the news report with curiosity.

"The forces retaliating against OZ have ignored our advice with regards to disarmament and are causing unnecessary carnage around the world."

"One month has passed, and OZ hasn't touched the colonies," Trowa added flatly, turning down the volume again. "They're just fighting militaristic nations on Earth."

Heero felt for a moment like he'd just had the wind knocked out of him and his eyes widened in surprise. "A month has passed?!" _Shit…what if a message…_ _no. No, there's no messages because Wing is gone._

"In OZ's eyes, you're already dead," Trowa replied, getting up from the chair to turn off the TV as he glanced back at Heero. _For you, it's over._ "You're no longer restrained to the colonies. My case isn't that simple."

"They found you?"

"No. But there hasn't been one mission since that day." _And I'm beginning to doubt there ever will be again._

"I see." Heero looked away from where Trowa was sitting, considering. No missions meant that only a marginal amount could have happened while he was unconscious. It sounded very much as if Trowa had been in hiding since Dr. J's surrender, which meant that the others probably were as well.

"I'm not sure what to do. What if OZ used the colonies as a shield again?" Restless, Trowa rose from the couch and moved to the small window in the trailer, folding his arms to rest upon the sill. "Or should I be following your example?" He'd thought a few times about self-detonating Heavy Arms, but something had stopped him. Maybe it was the same something that had let Heero live. Maybe it was because this wasn't over yet.

Heero knew what the other pilot was contemplating in that silence – it was probably just as melodramatic as his earlier death-wish thoughts. He figured he could return the reality check. "In that case, I've got one warning. It hurts like hell."

Completely startled out of his train of thought, Trowa looked thoroughly surprised for a moment, but recognized the jab for what it was and started laughing. _I think this guy really gets it, gets how utterly messed up this whole situations is._

From the small kitchen, Heero heard the girl's voice call out to them in shock. "Hey, I think that's probably the first time I've heard Trowa laugh out loud."

Heero didn't know what he could possibly do in his current state, without his Gundam, but he was still alive, wasn't he? He didn't even know what the fall-out of his self-detonation was. "I've got a favor to ask; the first since I came to Earth. What happened around the world while I was unconscious?"

"I'll tell you." Trowa came to the edge of the bed and helped Heero to sit up as the girl returned with soup for the two of them. "Heero, this is Catherine. Catherine, Heero."

"Thank you for the soup," Heero said politely and she smiled at him before touching Trowa's shoulder lightly.

"Don't be too long, Trowa. We're having a meeting in a fifteen minutes, out by the lion cages."

Trowa nodded and waited until she had left the trailer before sitting down on the end of the bed with his bowl of soup. "Honestly, not much has happened. After your self-detonation, the four remaining Gundams all disappeared very quickly."

"Did they all make it out alive?" Heero sipped his soup slowly, forcing himself not to think about the deeper reasons for wanting the answer to that question.

"I'd assume so," Trowa replied. "If OZ had caught one of the other pilots, with or without their Gundam, it would be all over the news. What they're promoting right now is their declaration of peace towards the colonies."

"Which is a load of shit."

Trowa couldn't keep the hint of a smile off of his face, because Heero was definitely voicing exactly what he'd been thinking for the past few weeks. "Agreed, but with no news from the colonies…"

"There's no way of knowing what they want." Finishing the soup, Heero set the bowl down on a small table beside the bed and rolled his shoulders experimentally. He had tried to hide his mission from Duo the entirety of the time they had spent together, but at this point, it seemed rather obvious that the Gundams were not each others' enemies and he found himself relenting in his secrecy. "The mission has always been to eliminate OZ. In that transmission from space, even when the man was surrendering, it did not sound like the objective had changed."

"It's just been compromised," Trowa muttered. He reached to pick up Heero's bowl and stood up. "I have to go attend this meeting, but if you want, we can talk further when I return. There's a bathroom through that door and all of the medical supplies are in there as well.

Heero waited until he could catch Trowa's eyes, quite aware that he already owed him a debt, whether he wanted to or not. "Thank you."

Trowa didn't respond, but nodded once before leaving the trailer. After he had gone, Heero slowly swung his legs around until his feet hit the floor and then used the wall to ease himself to his feet.

_o/ I'm feeling like I'm lost- like I'll never be found  
I'm twisted and I'm turned around  
Nobody ever taught me how to love /o_

It was a slow process to walk across the trailer to the bathroom, but with every step he took, he found his strength returning. In a month's time, he was sure many of his injuries had healed, but he could tell very quickly that he had a few tender cracked ribs and that his left arm wasn't quite right. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, he carefully unwound the layers of bandages, surveying scars old and new.

_Well, I've certainly been worse…_ Reaching into the shower, he turned the water on and slipped out of his boxers before getting in. Heero closed his eyes and let the warm water run over his body, thinking of the last shower he'd had, more than a month ago.

Heero was pretty sure that Duo was alive after what Trowa had said, but he didn't know for sure. Even if he was, he had no idea how to contact him. _I wonder if he knows that I'm alive._ He felt a grain of worry tug at his heart that Duo might think he was dead and then felt immediately confused as to why he should be worried about such a thing. He had definitely held himself back from examining their interactions too closely because of the mission and so he hadn't really stopped to consider how he felt. As long as there was the mission, how he felt wasn't supposed to matter. But now…

_With my Gundam gone and all contact severed, what of this mission even remains?_

He still wasn't ready to believe that the mission was over. The target still existed and unless he heard personally from Dr. J that the objective had changed… and what of the other pilots? He still didn't know if they were also answering to Dr. J or to someone else. He didn't know Trowa or the other two pilots very well, but he was sure Duo felt the same way he did about the mission.

_And here I am, back to thinking about Duo again. _And it was impossible to think about Duo while in the shower without thinking of being in the shower with Duo. When he closed his eyes to let the water soak into his hair, all he could see was Duo's auburn cascade and his own hands tangled in it. Leaning against the wall of the shower, he relived pinning the other pilot against a wall himself and devouring that sweet mouth.

Heero was hard already and he clenched his fists in frustration, knowing it was faster to give in than to try and fight it. Wrapping a hand around himself, he stroked hard and fast, letting his senses overload with memories of touch and taste. His knees turned to jelly under the force of his orgasm and he reached behind him to turn the water cold, standing under it for a long time, his breathing quick and shallow.

It was only when he heard the door of the trailer opening that he finally turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel to dry his hair. He slipped his boxers back and surveyed himself in the mirror, deciding it would be wisest to leave the bandages on at least overnight while his skin was soft from the water. When he was finished, he came out of the bathroom and moved carefully back to the bed.

Trowa was sitting on the couch when Heero came out of the bathroom, but he rose to help him back into the bed and then sat on the end of it again. "Feeling any better?"

"The shower helped," Heero admitted, easing himself back onto the pillows again.

"The circus was offered a gig at the OZ base tomorrow night."

Heero could tell that Trowa was holding back and he raised an eyebrow. "Are you planning something?"

"I don't think we're going to get any more missions," Trowa responded flatly. Part of him didn't want to have to defend himself to the other pilot, but at the same time, having to explain his stance made him just that much surer of its validity.

"You're going to act on your own?" _In a way, I acted on my own. Dr. J never said expressly to destroy the Gundam. I just thought it was in the best interest of forcing OZ to stop holding the colonies hostage – and I was right._

There was a long moment of silence as Trowa considered the alternative – sitting around waiting indefinitely for a message that might never come, while OZ moved in on the very colonies he was trying to protect. Not acceptable. "Yes," he finally answered firmly. "I don't believe that the people I work for would want me to abandon the objective this easily. I can't just remain idle, even if I don't make it out alive."

Heero nodded slowly. "I can't say that I might not do the same, were my situation different."

"I'll leave food and car keys. Stay here and concentrate on getting better." Trowa rose from the bed and walked across the trailer.

"What'll you do?" Heero called after him.

"Not everyone in the colony agreed to fight using the Gundams. The Gundam attack was started by a small group who felt strongly about it. I was one of those people." Even more than his orders, Trowa had begun to feel that there was a bigger reason he needed to continue this mission. The more he understood the true depth of what OZ was doing, the more he felt that they needed to be stopped at all costs. Wasn't it part of their mission not to lose sight of that?

Heero could tell that Trowa was struggling with a lot of the same things he was regarding the mission. _There's something similar about us… we've both been trained to complete the mission, no matter the personal cost, but both of us would be lying if we tried to say we didn't have a personal stake in this also._ Heero could also tell that the other pilot definitely respected him, and already in his debt, Heero figured that the least he owed him was the truth as he saw it. "There's nothing wrong with acting on your emotions. Least that's what I was taught."

"I mustn't give OZ an excuse to invade the colonies," Trowa said, an edge of quiet determination in his voice. "This plan of mine, it isn't rational…" He paused, considering the advice Heero had just given him. Really, he'd already taken it without realizing it. "So I did what you did. I followed my emotions."

Trowa left Heero alone for the remainder of the night and by the time Heero woke in the morning, the majority of the circus crew had left in carts for the OZ base. Wandering around the mostly deserted camp, he found the costume trailer and helped himself to a white button-down shirt and a pair of black slacks. It wasn't his usual attire, but it was probably more suited to what he had already decided he needed to do next.

The conversation with Trowa had sparked him into thinking in a new direction. It was obvious that OZ was still evil. No matter what they coerced Dr. J or anyone else into saying to the contrary, that fact would not change. But without the Gundam, his power was limited and so were his options. He would give the powder keg a little more time to ignite before returning to space, and in the meantime, deal with one loose end.

_Marshall Noventa, I owe you and your family my respects._

His mind made up, Heero started collecting food and supplies to load in the car Trowa had left him. It was nearly midnight and he was just finishing loading the vehicle when the carts of the circus performers began to return. He waited beside the car, a few yards away from Trowa and Catherine's trailers. He was surprised to see the girl come racing across the field and into her trailer, slamming the door brutally behind her. _Has something happened to Trowa?_ He was just about to head to Catherine's trailer to ask when he saw the other pilot appear at the edge of the camp, his walk slow and resigned. Heero raised his hand in greeting and Trowa walked towards the car. "Are you leaving?"

"Yes," Heero replied, debating about whether he should ask how the night had gone.

"Would you mind a travel companion?" Trowa met Heero's gaze evenly, wondering if the other pilot would press him for details. He knew he wasn't welcome in the circus right now after what had happened tonight, and he didn't know what else to do. He knew he would be lucky if Catherine even spoke to him again after the destruction she'd watched him cause. _But her tears stopped me…_ And now fate seemed to be presenting this opportunity.

"As long as you can pay your own way and not get in the way," Heero shrugged. "First, I need to get to somewhere that I can get online and do some research."

"I'll go wherever you want to go," Trowa replied and then gestured to the car behind them. "Let me help you transfer the supplies to a larger vehicle that can accommodate my mobile suit."

"We can set out in the morning," Heero agreed with a nod. _I wasn't expecting company, but it might come in handy. _ He tried to convince himself that Duo's absence had nothing to do with the small decrease in his antisocial behavior or his acceptance of Trowa's request.

* * *

_o/ If you were to tell me that I'd die today  
This is what I'd have to say:  
I never really had the time to live /o_

Heero knew very well that this could be his last five minutes in existence, but without that hanging over his head, he didn't think he could really forgive himself if it wasn't. _Odd irony…_ He wasn't scared for the loss of his own life, for he'd never really considered a future beyond this war. He couldn't. There was no purpose to his existence beyond the mission. And if it hadn't been for the seeming end of this mission, he wasn't sure he would have embarked on this selfish quest. But if he couldn't find a way to forgive himself for killing Marshall Noventa, he was certain that he'd never really have peace of mind. In the end, his thoughts were jumbled as crossed the graveyard two steps behind Sylvia Noventa, granddaughter of the pacifist he had let OZ trick him into killing. He didn't know why he knew that this was simply the right thing to do. He just did.

It had been a long day, from crashing the jeep to avoid killing Sylvia herself to Trowa's nearly being caught and Heero simply wanted to get this over with, so he could end or move forward. Finally, the blond stopped and turned to look at him.

"Heero? You said your name was Heero Yuy?" Heero took a step closer and nodded. "This is my grandfather's grave. You wanted to talk to me…?"

At first, Heero didn't answer her, stepping forward to lay flowers on the grave. As he stood, he reached into his pocket, withdrew and held out a gun to her. "I was the one who killed Marshal Noventa."

"Huh?! " Sylvia's expression was one of complete surprise.

Heero took her confusion as a demand for further explanation. "I made a mistake. I accidentally shot down Marshal Noventa's shuttle. Killing him and other people who'd advocated peace."

As Sylvia digested the information, a strong wind rustled Heero's hair and he felt for a moment like the universe was embracing his actions. "How could you?! Why?" she finally cried at him, a bit helpless to understand why he had come to tell her this.

"This is the only thing I can do for you right now. Sylvia Noventa…" He pronounced her name carefully, making sure he would not ever forget this moment. Sylvia grabbed the gun from him and pointed it at him with shaking hands. "I can't undo my mistake. I hope the anger felt by the Marshal's loved ones and the regrets of the Marshal's soul can be somewhat eased if you pull that trigger."

"You're such a coward! You obviously just wanna take the easy way out of this!"

Heero wished that was the true explanation, but he had already tried the easy way – trading his life for the colonies. He should have been dead, but he wasn't. It seemed the universe still had need of him or he would have died in that self-detonation. _The only way is forward._ Heero closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "This is the only answer I can offer you now.

"You coward! You coward!" Even though Sylvia was still yelling, she was slowly dissolving in tears and the gun was lowering. The moment had passed. Heero let out the breath he'd been holding.

"Understand that I didn't come here to make you suffer." _I hope I've given you at least some peace of mind… _He started to turn away, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I'm going to pay a visit to your grandmother. I heard she's in Sicily."

"Yes…" she started hesitantly, then yelled after him. "Wars are nothing but repulsive killings! How can you be so clear-cut about it all?!"

Heero glanced over his shoulder briefly, but he didn't have a deep explanation for her. What explanation could he give for what guided him – a confusing mess of morals and demands and expectations and emotions – there was no way to put that into words, so he didn't try. "It's the only way I can live."

From where he sat inside their parked vehicle, Trowa leaned on the steering wheel and listened as the wind carried the end of the conversation to him. He had begun to understand, over the course of the last few days, exactly what Heero was going to attempt. It was as ludicrous as it was honorable and Trowa wasn't sure yet whether or not he would have done it himself, in this position.

"This is where it starts," he murmured to himself, squeezing the steering wheel in his hands. "He goes to every family member, seeking their verdict. Everything he does is thorough and well thought out. Everything Heero Yuy does." He didn't know exactly why, but he couldn't help admiring the other pilot.

"I'm ready to go," Heero intoned softly as he climbed into the truck. "We can stop somewhere on the outskirts of the city for some rest if you need, but I'd prefer to drive all night and stop in the morning."

"Probably not a bad idea to put some distance between this Marseilles and us considering how well the day's gone," Trowa replied dryly with a thinly veiled trace of sarcasm. The two boys drove in silence for several hours and it wasn't until they were out in the middle of the deserted countryside with nothing but their headlights to see by, that Trowa felt compelled to ask. "Do you really intend to visit every living relation?"

"Yes," Heero said firmly, but his gaze was directed out the window, into the darkness. "And I don't wish to talk about it."

"Would you rather I not talk to you at all?" Trowa asked, unable to keep the hint of amusement out of his voice. Heero was nearly as obstinate as the Chinese pilot he'd met briefly, but kept his emotions under much better check – much as Trowa himself did.

Heero glanced over at Trowa now with one eyebrow raised. "I don't care if you want to talk or what you want to talk about other than that. If I find any other topics disagreeable, I'll let you know." And with that, he turned back to the window.

_Well, he's definitely to the point._ "Is music agreeable?" Trowa asked, trying to keep the smirk off of his face, his eyes focused on the road ahead.

"As long as it's not country."

Trowa did give a snort of laughter at this, but he flipped on the radio, finding a station of classic rock to fill the silence.

* * *

A long ten days later, Heero walked out of the wrought iron gates of yet another ornate mansion, wishing the weight on his shoulders would lift. Trowa was waiting for him just outside and he crossed the last name off the list they'd been using.

"Last stop. Satisfied?"

Heero closed his eyes for a moment, wishing he could answer affirmatively. "It's not that simple."

Trowa wasn't surprised by the answer, but after watching the other pilot beat himself up for days, he decided it was high time to step in and offer his own opinion. "You can't forgive yourself for accidentally killing a pacifist. And it happened because you were tricked by OZ. I can sympathize. But to put your life in the hands of your victim's family…"

"That's what I want." It was the tone Heero used when he didn't want to be argued with and so the two boys set off down the hill and back into the city proper. As they reached the heart of the market, Heero sensed they were being followed and he glanced at Trowa to see if the other had noticed.

Catching the glance, Trowa didn't change his direction or focus, but offered softly enough that Heero could barely hear him. "Going from place to place, I knew it'd only be a mater of time before someone found us."

"I'll take care of it."

"Wait. Shouldn't overdo it in your state. I'll stop them." Trowa didn't even give Heero a chance to argue with him as he used the cover of an approaching truck to "borrow" a red motorcycle. As he revved it up to head back in the direction that they'd come, Heero grabbed the side of the truck and swung himself into the back of it with his good arm.

Heero could tell almost immediately that the truck was headed towards the harbor, so he sat in between the crates of fruit, picking up an apple as it rolled towards him. They hadn't eaten anything today, so he bit into it, closing his eyes thoughtfully.

_The last time I had an apple in my hand was on a school bus nearly on the other side of the globe…that day seems like yesterday to me, even though I know it was almost six weeks ago._

His task was complete – he'd visited every living relation and they had all let him walk away. Maybe it had been foolish to think that anyone in a family of pacifists would actually pull the trigger. Heero didn't feel any less awful about it, but he'd done the best he could and it was time to file it into the box and decide what to do next. He wondered where the other pilots were and if they had come to the conclusion he had started to reach since waking up.

_I've got to talk to Dr. J face to face…_ _and if the mission is over…_ No, there was no way at all that he would even begin to consider the alternative. He would only cross that bridge when he came to it.

_o/ And if you were to give me just another chance  
Another life, another dance  
All I really want to do is love /o_

As the fruit truck approached the docks, Heero jumped off the back of it as easily as he'd gotten on, a second apple in his hand. Glancing around to make sure no one was watching him, he slipped inside the warehouse where they'd parked their truck. A few minutes passed while he stood in the shadows, turning the apple over in his hands and then Trowa arrived. He stepped into the light and tossed the apple to the other pilot. "Thanks; I owe you one."

"No problem," Trowa paused for a moment, glancing from the apple to Heero to his covered mobile suit. There was a small part of him that had wondered if Heero was going to take the opportunity to ditch him and he quietly pleased that he hadn't. "If we're gonna transport this, we can't do it by land." There was obviously someone who knew they were in town, which meant it was likely that the major roads leading out of the city were being watched.

"Then by sea," Heero said, understanding.

"I've got my eye in a ship. But now we know that we're being watched. So it might be difficult."

"You can use my carrier," a female voice called from the doorway, her figure too dark to see with the daylight behind her. "I didn't expect you to be alive. It's the first time we've met face to face." Trowa dropped the apple and pulled a gun on her as she stepped close enough for them to recognize the uniform. "My name is Lucrezia Noin. I serve under Colonel Zechs."

"Zechs?" Heero had no idea what the woman was talking about, but she wasn't immediately trying to kill or capture them.

"The pilot you fought against in Siberia."

"Don't think we won't put up a fight," Trowa said to her sharply, his eyes never leaving the target even as she bent to pick up the fallen apple from where it had rolled to a stop at her feet.

"Colonel Zechs wants to meet you."

"He does? To try pumping us for information or something?" Trowa couldn't help but be suspicious and wondered when Heero was going to speak up.

"Don't misunderstand me," Noin replied pleasantly. "He's not speaking as an OZ soldier. He wants to see you as a fellow mobile suit pilot. He hopes for another chance to fight you boys."

Now that was a bizarre statement, and one that finally made Trowa stop and consider everything she'd said so far. He glanced at Heero and then back at Noin, finally lowering the gun. "He wants a final match? Sounds like an admirable guy, this Zechs fellow."

Noin was carefully watching for Heero's response, not really paying much attention to Trowa at all. "It's up to you guys, whether or not you believe me."

There was a moment of silence as Heero considered. With no news and no change in OZ's stance with the colonies, there was no real reason to hurry back to space. He could afford to tie up another loose end, couldn't he? Well, that and the fact that he rarely backed down from a challenge. "Where is he?"

Trowa glanced back at Heero again. "You're gonna trust her?"

"He's not the kind of guy to plant a trap."

Trowa had no plans to go back to the circus anytime soon, if ever and no idea what to do next. Why not accompany Heero for a little while longer? "No? Then my mobile suit will come in handy."

"Trowa!" The slight widening of Heero's eyes gave away how surprised he was. Generally, he didn't let anyone touch his mobile suit and he'd gathered that Trowa was much the same.

"Then it's settled," Noin said cheerfully. "I'll have my crew take care of this," she gestured lightly towards Trowa's mobile suit. "I have lunch all prepared for us on the carrier." She turned and swished out of the warehouse and for a moment, it looked to Trowa that she had a bounce in her step.

Lunch was entirely pleasant, as Noin didn't attempt to press either pilot for information about anything. Afterwards, Heero followed Trowa to the freight area and tried to get the hang of Heavy Arms' controls.

"You didn't have to do this," Heero informed him once they were alone.

Trowa shrugged a little, watching him climb into the cockpit. He had recovered a great deal in the last two weeks, but he could still tell that Heero's left arm was troubling him. "I know." He wasn't sure himself what had possessed him to let the other pilot borrow his Gundam for such a purpose. "In all actuality, I'm not sure I even agree with what you're about to do."

"You can still change your mind," Heero paused in his movements and eyed Trowa curiously. "You don't owe me anything." _In fact, it's probably me that owes you at this point._

"I'm sure you'll find a way to return the favor," Trowa shrugged, climbing down from his perch. "Because you're an honorable guy, Heero Yuy, and there's too few like you left in this world right now."

Heero sat alone for a long time inside Heavy Arms' cockpit after Trowa had left, contemplating the path he was following. He wasn't sure he really agreed with Trowa's assessment, but he wanted to fight Zechs and he wasn't going to turn down the offer of borrowing the mobile suit. _Am I following a path at all right now?_

Detonating Wing had seemed like the right decision at the time, but more and more, Heero was questioning it, questioning the war, questioning himself… he realized he wasn't used to having substance beyond the mission that was worth questioning.

_o/ I'm hurting everybody  
I'm hurting myself  
I'm desperate /o_

* * *

Are people trying to stop time to find themselves?

Right now we've lost sight of how to protect the colonies.

* * *

_o/ So what do you do?  
When it all comes down on you  
Do you run and hide?  
Or face the truth /o_

Two days later, sitting inside the rebuilt Wing Gundam , Heero realized that he felt more at peace than he had since he'd first woken up inside the trailer at the circus camp almost two weeks ago. _I don't know what I've done to deserve another chance…_

His memories flickered like the blinking screens surrounding him, even when his eyes were open, and he had a horrid case of insomnia.

_First, Trowa lending me his Gundam – then, Trowa staying up all night to fit it with a beam saber._

_For no reason other than to help me. Because it was the honorable thing to do._

_Next, Zechs, rebuilding Wing so we could finish the battle. But not actually finishing it._

_For no reason other than because it was the honorable thing to do. _

_Despite the fact that he's an OZ officer._

Heero was still trying to wrap his mind around that strange turn of events.

Then, there was Relena Darlian – Peacecraft – , delivering a letter he hadn't gotten to read to the middle of a pointless battle in the middle of Anarctica.

He wasn't sure if he would label that one honorable or just plain scary.

And for all that these people seemed to consider _him_ the honorable one, they were the ones making all the honorable moves. Zechs' "Glory to the colonies!" echoed in his mind, followed by something Duo had said to him, the first night they'd arrived at that school.

_-- What I do know is how we both probably feel about our entire mission… how we value it more than our own lives! --_

For the first time, Heero let the tiniest idea that he wasn't alone in this mess enter his mind. Duo really had been the first to try and connect with him, and was certainly the one who had succeeded the most, he had to admit. As hard as he'd been fighting to do it all himself, these honorable people were creeping up on him and trying to form bonds. Was it simply because they believed their causes to be the same as his? Or was it something more?

_Bonds… what use have I ever had for bonds?_

The only bonds he'd ever had in his life had been stomped and spit on until they were a joke, after all. But whether he liked it or not, his fate was in some way tied to the other mobile suit pilots trying to bring an end to this war. He had followed the path of what seemed the right thing to do and it had led him to this moment, intact and reunited with his Gundam. OZ's latest report came on screen and he narrowed his eyes at the woman they called Lady Une.

"OZ has come to bring peace to outer space. You people are free. OZ supports you all."

"Fuck that load of shit," Heero muttered, hitting mute on that particular screen and bringing up another. A jolt of electricity raced through his system as he recognized two Gundams in an all-out barrage at the Singapore air base. He felt a grin slowly widening on his face as he watched Deathscythe take out half a dozen suits with one wide sweep of that bright green scythe.

Heero snapped off the monitors inside Wing and called out to Trowa, who was reloading Heavy Arms' ammunition. "We've got to go. The powder keg has blown."

_o/ When all is said and done you could be the one  
With open arms and open eyes  
You're jumping off the edge and hoping you can fly  
Accept your fate for what it is  
Into the great unknown /o_

* * *

**Up Next: Chapter 8 - The World Has Its Shine (But I Would Drop It On A Dime)**

* * *


	8. Ch 8 The World Has Its Shine

**Author's Notes: **I want to thank **snowdragonct**, **Kaeru Shisho**, and **Sadie Woods** for their reviews. A chapter of Heero and Trowa has such a different feel than Duo and Quatre, but I wanted to tell their part of the story too, because it's important to the overall picture. I was so excited to see that some people went to download the music! In case you missed the share link, here it is again: www-dot-mediafire-dot-com/?sharekeyb36dbb0ff0f6648f8c9e7c56ba37815f0ba2850049113844

This chapter is huge in the transitioning process because everyone's heading back to space and things are changing very quickly. In the next chapter, there will be more of a real reunion between certain pilots - as well as more of the "fill in the blanks" - I promise.

* * *

**Chapter 8 – The World Has Its Shine (But I Would Drop It On A Dime) (Episodes 17 & 19) **

_o/ I'm not one for love songs  
The way I'm living makes you feel like giving up  
But you don't  
And I want everything for you /o_

"Well, this is it," Duo said softly, folding his hands behind his head and watching as Quatre locked the main gate to the retreat.

"The trip over the Indian Ocean isn't that long," the blond replied, shouldering his bag with a wistful glance back at what had been their home for the last six weeks. _Part of me definitely wishes we could stay…_ "It's hard to believe that by this time tomorrow, we'll be back in space."

"Feels weird to be going home…" Duo murmured, turning as they heard voices coming up the dirt road from the village.

"I think your friends have come to say goodbye," Quatre set his bag down again as the group of children came running and surrounded the both of them, jabbering all at the same time.

"Translation?" Duo glanced at Quatre helplessly with a smile. He picked up a few words he recognized – friend, waterfall – but there were too many voices at once. "Ssshhh," he tried, bringing one finger to his lips.

"Wait, wait," Quatre spoke to them in their language, waving his hands until they stopped talking. He pointed at Bem and then translated for Duo when the boy spoke. "Ah, I see… they want us to know that even if we're leaving, we'll all remain friends."

"Of course!" Duo grinned and held out his hand so he and Bem could exchange the flashy handshake that he'd finally mastered. "Quatre, tell them that I promise to come back and visit. Tell them we'll all go back to the waterfall again!"

Quatre raised an eyebrow and started to object, quite aware of how volatile their position really was, but the determination in Duo's eyes stopped him. He could somehow tell that Duo didn't make promises lightly. Nodding, he translated for the group of children, who cheered and hugged them both in response.

Duo held out one pinky to Bem, reaching with his other hand to show the boy how to link his own. "Promise…" he pronounced very slowly and waited until Bem repeated him. He hoped that his friend understood and from the look in his eyes, it seemed that he did.

"We need to get going," Quatre leaned closer and said softly into Duo's ear. Disengaging himself from the group of children, the two pilots waved and started their trek through the jungle.

As they walked, Duo was uncharacteristically silent, his eyes flitting from rock to leaf to the sky above, as if he was trying to memorize all of it before they had to leave it behind. Of course, he had seen pictures and read books, but nothing compared to actually being here. He breathed in deeply as they approached the clearing where the carrier had been parked for the last six weeks and then let it out slowly.

"Are you okay?" Quatre asked softly, coming up beside him with a look of concern.

"Earth is a beautiful place, Quatre, isn't it?" Duo didn't wait for a response, but charged ahead into the clearing and climbed aboard the carrier. The Gundams were waiting in the cool and dark quiet and Duo reached out to run his hand along Deathscythe, much the same as he had when they'd left them. "Ready to go home?" he whispered.

_o/ Hey oh!  
And whatever it takes  
Hey oh!  
I'm gonna make my way home /o_

Quatre let Duo fly the carrier this time, studying the maps and schematics and going over their plan out loud as they flew. He found that it was all too easy to slip back into being a pilot, as if the entire experience in Africa between arrival and departure was some sort of hazy dream. He kept watching Duo for signs that the other pilot wasn't okay, but he seemed focused and as cheerful as he could be, under the circumstances. _I know something besides me set him off the day I found him in tears, but he never did tell me what it was…_

It was midday when the two pilots left their carrier a few miles from the Singapore air base and traveled the rest of the way in their Gundams. "Time for the God of Death to send a few OZies to the other side!" Duo crowed, taking off immediately upon their arrival at the air base. Deathscythe and Sandrock moved around the edges of the base, easily destroying the first few suits they found, but as word of their arrival spread, Duo soon found himself a bit outnumbered. No matter how hard he fought, he was slowly pushed towards the center of the air field until he and Sandrock were back to back, defending their position.

"The numbers of troops don't match up with my research!" Quatre told Duo, his voice obviously strained as it came through one of the monitors. "We've got to break through if we're going to reach the transports!"

"This new OZ base isn't like their others!! I can't get any closer!" Duo whipped his scythe through several suits, but for every one he took out, two more seemed to appear in its place.

"Let's go for the HLV ready for mobile suit delivery!" Quatre told Duo, but no sooner had he made the suggestion than he took a hard blow and went flying backwards, hitting the ground face-down and skidding a hundred yards.

" Quatre!!" Duo's teeth were grit so hard his jaw hurt and he turned to slice through some mobile suits, heading for where Quatre was downed. _Shit shit damnit!_ Duo was starting to doubt that they'd be able to get to the transports at all. "Don't overdo it, Quatre!"

"It's okay," Quatre's voice was a little shaky as he got to his feet again, but he took a deep breath and fixed a determined expression on his face. _As long as we're still standing, the message is getting out there. _"We have to fight so the other pilots will figure it out!"

_Figure it out…?_ Duo's eyebrows raised in surprise as he watched Quatre ready his dual blades. _Is this as much about trying to signal the other pilots as it is getting back into space?_

"They'll see us battling like this and realize…that they need to go to outer space. That outer space is waiting for us!" Quatre whipped his two blades outwards and decimated the mobile suits closest to him. "To outer space! All of us, together!"

Duo realized quickly that Quatre was right – this was their opportunity to tell the other three pilots that they weren't going down without a fight, no matter how OZ continued to blackmail a surrender out of the colonies. There was no way to know what reaction they were going to provoke with this attack, but they would never know unless they tried.

"I read you loud and clear!" Duo grinned and, changing tactics, made a dash for the nearest observation tower, slicing it so that the entire thing collapsed on another half dozen mobile suits as Quatre used his dual blades to begin clearing a path in front of Duo leading towards the HLVs. Flipping on some more of his monitors, Duo was breathing hard as he scanned the reports. "Good. We made it into the news around the world!" He didn't see any of the other Gundams on the news, but paused when he saw the report coming in from one of the colonies. "What's this?"

"We wish to publicly announce a decision made by Space Colony Area D. Mobile suits known as Gundams are currently destroying OZ's facilities. These Gundams have nothing to do with Colony Area D. We declare that if the Gundams consider OZ an enemy then we'll consider the Gundams ours! OZ has been fair to us. OZ and we have worked out our misunderstandings. We hope that the Gundams are defeated in this battle. We further hope that other colonies will follow our example set with this declaration."

The sounds of battle dimmed and the world blurred in front of Duo's eyes as he exhaled slowly, feeling as if someone had ripped out his heart and stomped on it a few times. _The colonies are denouncing us… just as I feared they might._ "I expected this…" He closed his eyes and lowered his head, unable to keep the pained expression off of his face. "But even so, it's still hard to swallow!"

"It's all right, Duo," Quatre's eyes flickered to the monitor showing his friend's stricken face and felt his stomach churn. "We came down to Earth all alone. It's okay if the colonies don't understand right away. I'm just happy that others are fighting for the same cause. That's enough." The momentary distraction allowed another suit to attack him from behind, sending Quatre flying once more, his surprised yell echoing.

"Quatre!" Duo charged after his friend, but by now the shots were coming from all around, tripping him up. He soon found himself tumbling end over end, gripping the controls as he waited for Deathscythe to come to a stop.

Facedown in the dirt, Duo beat his hands against the controls for a moment. "Damn it! At this rate, we're not gonna make it!" _No, I can't think that way…_ Quatre was right. He'd come down to earth alone, but he wasn't alone anymore. "I still think what we're doing is a good thing. So why do we have to die in a place like this?!" He closed his eyes and pursed his lips. Despite his past involvement with the church, he'd never been much of the praying sort, even when he thought his own death might be hovering close by. _We'll get out of this. We have to… Somehow, someway, I'm gonna make it home…_

_o/ Hey oh!  
And whatever it takes  
Hey oh!  
I'm gonna make my way home  
Hey oh!  
We can turn our backs on the past  
And start over… /o_

A bright orange-gold wall of fire on Duo's monitor caught his attention as he opened his eyes again, and a new voice suddenly boomed loudly in his ears as another monitor popped up. Through the blaze, a third Gundam was marching, leaving nothing but destruction in its wake. The monitor blinked and a strong face with dark eyes and dark hair appeared.

"Because we're doing the right thing! We are right!"

Duo's eyes went wide and he glanced at Quatre's monitor to see that his friend had a look of pure joyful surprise on his face. "It's that guy!" he exclaimed to Quatre, realizing that he had no idea what the final pilot's name was.

"The ones who are right have to be strong!" The voice demanded, tossing aside every mobile suit that had crowded around Duo with surprising ease. "If this is your limit, so be it. The rest of us will take over from here." He turned to blow up two more mobile suits and then started towards Quatre's downed position.

Duo never could resist a challenge and his hands flew over the controls as he forced Deathscythe to right itself. "The rest of you will take over…?!" he cried indignantly, his spirit buoyed by the arrival of their ally.

"That's more like it!" the dark-haired boy smirked into the monitor. "You'd have a hard time explaining to your comrades if you were defeated now!"

Duo's heart flip-flopped at these words and he quickly scanned through more of his monitors as he swept aside several more mobile suits with his scythe. First, there was Trowa, blowing things up left and right and then, above him…

Wing was soaring across the sky, shooting down everything in its path. _How… how is it possible?_ The last time Duo had seen that Gundam was in the news report on his monitor, after it had exploded.

_Heero… he's… alive…_

_o/ Before I met you  
I used to dream you up and make you up in my mind  
And all I ever wanted  
Was to be understood  
You've been the only one who could  
I could never turn my back on you /o_

Duo wanted to laugh and cry and scream all at the same time, but he was still being attacked from every side. Quatre's face in the monitor was a mirror of his exuberant surprise. "They figured out we need help!" he managed to choke out to his friend, closing down all monitors besides those linked to his fellow pilots and the news report showing Trowa and Heero. Now was not the time to break down – they all had to get to outer space safely.

"They all understood our message!" Quatre's spirits were lifted and with the other pilot leading the way, he and Duo helped carve out a slow and steady path to the HLVs.

* * *

Heero had obliterated a good portion of the base with his beam cannon before leaving Trowa to attend to the rest of it. All along, he'd known he was going back to space and now the other Gundams had given him an excuse and a disguise.

"My mission's to wipe out OZ," he muttered to himself, steering Wing away from the airbase and towards the shore. "If they're headed for outer space, then I'll follow."

Climbing out at the shore, he set the controls to take the Gundam offshore and sink it. It was the best hiding spot he could come up with on short notice, but being outside any population center, he hoped it was enough. _Bringing my Gundam to space when the entire world is watching us is ridiculous. I can blend in much faster if I don't have to worry about hiding it in space._ It was worth the risk.

Turning back to the sand dunes behind him, he could still see explosions in the distance like bright fireworks in the sky above the base. If he ran, he might make it back there before Trowa took off.

* * *

Trowa wanted to kick himself for being so stubborn and mistrusting. Watching the reports rolling in as he and Heero were on the way to the air base had suddenly made everything so obvious. _That kid… Quatre… he's been trying to unite us, all along._

As much as he could say that he hadn't known the other Gundams were allies, hadn't known he could trust the other pilots… it was all excuses. Quatre had extended an overture of friendship and trust to him and he'd walked away from it. _I only told him my name because he asked me so kindly._

It had actually taken his unlikely friendship, if he could even call it that, with Heero to make him realize how poorly he'd treated the blond pilot. _I can say that I didn't know any better back then, but… neither did Quatre. And he still reached out._

Now, as Trowa watched the fight taking place a continent away, he found his admiration for both of the other pilots growing. They had been the two brave enough to strike out and send the message. All he could do now was strive to uphold it.

"It's gonna be a difficult battle. But right now I sense peace in our five hearts."

* * *

_o/ My disappointment  
'Cause you've been left behind  
And the world has its shine  
I would drop it on a dime for you /o_

The other pilot was the first to reach the HLV hangar, but Duo was not far behind him. Hopping down from Deathscythe, he ran over to join the Chinese boy at the controls for the HLVs. "Hey, thanks for the help…" Duo trailed off expectantly, crossing his arms over his chest with an easy smile on his face despite the life-or-death predicament they were currently in.

The other boy looked up from the controls and scowled at Duo's interruption. "Wu Fei," he bit out, and then, "I'm activating three of them. Load your mobile suit."

Duo nodded quickly, deciding that more small talk might just get him decked, and jogged back towards his Gundam. "By the way," he called back over his shoulder. "I'm Duo Maxwell and out there, that's Quatre…" _Better to let him introduce himself when the time comes._

Wu Fei didn't answer him, so Duo grabbed the communicator out of Deathscythe and proceeded to set his Gundam to load onto the HLV before running to the window. "Hurry up, Quatre!"

"Those suits will try to shoot us down when we start to lift off," Quatre's voice came over the small speaker in Duo's hand.

"Hurry, Quatre!"

"Don't worry about me. I'll back you two up until you lift off!"

Duo could hear the pain and determination in his friend's voice and he ran to the entrance of the hangar, looking out at Sandrock standing its ground and refusing to let any suits come closer to the HLVs. "Have you lost your mind?!" he bellowed into the speaker, furiously upset. "We all have to make it to outer space!" _You said we would! You said we were going together!_

"I know, but that's why I have to back you up. To make sure that at least you two make it!"

The line turned to complete static – Quatre had turned him off. "Quatre!!" _Goddamnit!!_ _That's not good enough!! _Duo stomped his foot, on the verge of tears, and bit his lip so hard he tasted blood. "You fool!!"

Duo knew there was nothing he could do now, though. Deathscythe was already loaded onto the HLV and Quatre obviously had no intention of changing his mind about being left behind. As he saw the red flash run across Sandrock that indicated the self-detonation had been set, Duo turned and bolted for his HLV as fast as his feet could carry him. Sitting down at the controls, his hands moved quickly despite the watering of his eyes. _Goddamnit. It's a fucking miracle that Heero's alive and now I have to watch a second friend blow himself up? Are you fucking kidding me?!_

As the craft soared high into the air, Duo set the autopilot to break free of the atmosphere, then plastered his hands and face to one of the windows and watched as Sandrock exploded brilliantly below him, a glorious fireball in the growing twilight. For a moment, his heart dropped into his stomach, but then he saw another pinpoint of light – a shuttle! It disappeared as Duo's HLV rose into the clouds, but he was somehow sure that Quatre had been on it.

Slumping against the wall, he slid slowly to the floor, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them with a relieved noise that was half-laugh, half-sob.

* * *

On the first day of drifting in space, Duo set the controls to take him to the least populated sector, knowing he didn't have a lot of propulsion power left. He was too tired to even think straight and passed out in Deathscythe's cockpit for close to sixteen hours before he woke up.

* * *

On the second day of drifting in space, Duo raided the supplies he had with him that Quatre had prepared while they were still in Africa. Having not eaten in a day, he gorged himself to the point of stomachache, felt enormously guilty for eating 80 percent of his supplies in one sitting, and promptly fell asleep again.

* * *

It was sometime between the second and third days – he was already starting to lose track of time when he didn't remember to check the internal clock – that Duo started to really think about everything that had happened to lead him to this point. After all the time he'd spent with Quatre and Heero, it felt really strange to be alone, cooped up inside his Gundam cooped up inside an HLV, drifting in zero gravity.

He and Quatre had tentatively planned to return to Quatre's home together, but that was before the colonies' announcement, before Quatre had detonated Sandrock. Duo had no idea how to find Quatre or any of the other pilots – he was even more lost now than he had been on Earth. Outer space now felt like a giant and unwelcoming void that was slowly sucking him dry.

_What the hell am I supposed to do now anyway?_ The colonies had essentially turned their backs on the Gundams, fully supporting OZ. How was he supposed to protect the colonies from OZ when they were accepting OZ with open arms? None of it made any sense. Duo stewed about it until he couldn't stand it any longer and then spent the next few hours trying in vain to pick up one of the inter-colony radio stations. Every now and then, he'd get thirty seconds to a minute of a song, but mostly it was just static.

* * *

Sometime close to the start of day four, Duo ran out of water and started feeling almost constantly dizzy. He still hadn't made any kind of decision about where to go or what to do next. He couldn't get back to earth, but he had nowhere in space to hide his Gundam. He'd refused to think about Heero until now, but half-delirious from being alone and dehydrated, he finally pulled out the photographs that he'd been keeping safe in the pocket of his jacket. The last time he'd looked at them, he'd thought the pictures to be a bittersweet reminder of their time together at the school. He wasn't sure what it meant to him now that Heero was alive.

_Heero is alive._

The mere thought made him smile more than he had in days. _I feel like it's been a lifetime since we left the school that day…_ He wondered if Heero had thought of him at all in the time they'd been apart. Sure, he'd left the photos with Duo, but what did that mean? They'd never made each other any promises. _Neither of us is that foolish living as soldiers in the middle of a war._ He really had begun to think that the other boy was dead and when he'd seen Wing on his monitor… _How did he even get his Gundam back?_

He sort of knew that he was starting to lose it around the time he started hallucinating that he smelled cheese pizza, so he began singing bits and pieces of songs to try and keep himself sane.

_We all made it to space, but what am I supposed to do now when the colonies consider us the enemy?_ Duo had always been an optimist, but now he found his spirit faltering.

* * *

Duo could not have guessed what the day or the time was when Deathscythe suddenly started beeping, monitors flipping on to alert him of mobile suits approaching the HLV. He had supposed that someone would find him eventually, though part of him had also wondered if he would just die floating in space.

Without really thinking about what he was doing, Duo let Deathscythe demolish the HLV, emerging from the explosion and immediately taking out the nearest mobile suits. It was a rush to be fighting again, but everything felt so hazy that he wondered if was just hallucinating. "What an honor, being greeted by the latest model," he smirked to himself. "But anyone carelessly approaching me will die!"

Leaning forward and feeling a little manic, Duo realized he couldn't focus properly on the screens. He was sweating, hot and cold, watching helplessly and disoriented as the mobile dolls surrounded him. _So much for the indestructible God of Death._ "They're fast!"

A hard hit sent him careening to the side and he pounded the controls, shooting a projectile. "Damn! That didn't work either!" Another hit to the back sent him flying and he laughed weakly. "Zero output." Closing his eyes to block out the screens, he turned his head to the side in disgust. "My Deathscythe's bought it and I don't have long myself. But still, I'll die fighting!"

A third hit nearly knocked the wind out of him, blowing the right arm off of his Gundam and sending the scythe spinning away into space. _No way I'm letting those OZ fuckers have Deathscythe. _"I don't want to copy Heero, but tag along, on my journey into hell!! He punched the self-detonation switch with satisfaction and was met with…nothing.

_Hahaha… are you fucking kidding me?! _ He punched it again, still with no result. "Not my lucky day," he muttered. "Can't even self-detonate." As Duo felt himself losing consciousness, he closed his eyes and tried to imagine the way the ocean had felt when he'd first run splashing into it… he tried to recall the sweet taste of the apple Heero had given him on the bus to the aquarium...recalled all too well the rushing sound of the river as it swallowed him whole… _I'm_ _not dead yet. And as long as I'm alive, there's always gotta be a way out._ "Or maybe… I am lucky…?"

_o/ Not long ago  
I gave up hope  
But you came along  
You gave me something I could hold on to.  
And I want to  
More than you could ever know  
It's you /o_

* * *

**Up Next: Chapter 9 - All We Are**

* * *


	9. Ch 9 All We Are

**Author's Notes:** It breaks my heart to have to tell you this, but I'm leaving town tomorrow to go to New York/Vermont for a week. (H & I are moving from CA back to VT this summer and we're going apartment hunting, as well as visiting some friends.) I'm thrilled, as NY is home for me, but terribly devastated that I probably won't have internet access. Still, I'm bringing my laptop to work on the story and maybe if you all wish hard enough, I'll find some sort of access between now and next Thursday when I return. I will also tell you that this is probably one of my three favorite chapters to have written thus far, and I really hope you enjoy it.

Thanks, as always, to my faithful reviewers (wow, 4 of them this chapter!! Movin' up in the world!)!

**snowdragonct:** I won't lie, sometimes this process is excruciating. I really do spend hours upon hours scripting the show straight from TV screen to .doc file. H tends to find something else to do during that time, unable to take my constant pause-unpause-pause-unpause as I'm typing feverishly! I do adore AU though, and will probably write some eventually (H keeps asking)... but I also suspect that when I reach more towards the end of the main series, this story will feel a little more AU too. Thanks so much for your reviews - it really does mean a lot to me.

**Kaeru Shisho:** I get soooo bored with the non-pilot stuff too, so I'm trying to let it leak into the story only when it's truly relevant to the boys' actions and feelings. In all honesty, I started out wanting to write a post-series story and then realized about two pages in that there was no way I could ever do it and have faith in it unless I went back to explore how it all started. This story is really for anyone who always thought there "has to be something going on between those two that we don't get to see"!

**Sadie Woods: **Writing the emotional parts is definitely one of the things I like best - sometimes the action sequences are tough for me to get the right flow to, so I'm glad you enjoyed them. Now that Duo has found out Wu Fei's name, I'm sure you'll see him beginning to take on a larger role in the story too!

**sseattle:** I really loved writing the part where Heero & Duo were at the school too - and although it'll be awhile before we see anything like that again, I definitely have tons and tons of plans for somewhat similar types of things in the future. Really, the next 10-15 episodes is the tough part for me because it's so plot-military-Relena-heavy, and once we get towards the end of the series and Endless Waltz, I think the story will really start to move in terms of the relationships between different characters.

This chapter is a bit of an interlude for Heero & Duo, but the next few chapters put all five pilots right back into the thick of the action. It's almost time for Wing Zero to make its first appearance, after all...

I'll miss you all while I'm gone, but promise to keep writing as fast as I can!

peace, love & Gundams

--D

* * *

**Chapter 9 – All We Are (Episodes 18 - 20)**

"The planet in the solar system that miraculously gave birth to life. We call it Earth.

The year After Colony 195. With the colonies' development, people live in new surroundings, thanks to plentiful natural resources and cultivated technological abilities. However, this world is nothing but an imitation of humankind's motherland, the Earth.

Why were the colonies created in the first place? I hear the main purpose was technological development to enrich mankind's life on Earth. Did man start asking too much from this fake world? The colonies' self-sustained way of life was more stable than on Earth since it lacks the risk of natural disasters. It appears that this unlimited growth was guaranteeing the eternal existence of mankind. Perhaps there was an age when people dreamed they could start anew in outer space. But it's unthinkable that the colonies or mankind will ever forget the Earth.

What did the colonies' technology bring to the Earth? The kind of technology that Earth wants most; military power. Destruction is in human nature and can never be eliminated. And now, the colonies are developing a militaristic disposition.

The colonies cannot forget the Earth. The Earth has great beauty. Animals known as humans have acquired such strength that they want to control this planet for themselves. From the point of view of an entire planet, the life of a living thing lasts no more than an instant. But in the end, mankind only thinks of itself. Nothing changes.

The time spent by humans in outer space has been a waste. In reality, the ideal is just a dream. This false pacifism. This false living space. Outer space is a breeding ground for even more battles.

Wars claim many lives. Mankind hasn't forgotten the sorrow caused by wars yet they haven't stopped fighting. The blood and tears they shed are merely ceremonial. One can't speak of history without referring to the wars in each era as important events. I'm sure the pale pep talks of fighting for peace have been repeated numerous times in the past. The colonies say they need armaments to maintain peace. It's no different from on Earth. The colonies think they've joined the big boys. They believed the bloodshed would lead…"

"Okay, that's enough Duo Maxwell!" a voice finally interrupted Heero's speech. "Let's avoid that subject. It's making your classmates uncomfortable. I don't feel it was appropriate for your greeting speech. Now, Duo, please be seated at the back."

Heero stared at her for a moment, quite aware of the startled and confused expressions on the faces of his "classmates". The room was completely silent and with everyone staring at him, he finally walked off of the stage and headed to the back of the room. _So why do people fight? The meaning of existence could lie in their will to fight. People feel accomplishments through battle. And it's also a fact that the ones actually fighting are never perceived as being tainted._

_And yet I would never look at myself and think I was anything _but_ tainted with the life I've led._

Tuning out the teacher, Heero waited until she dismissed them to their first real class of the day, which he didn't plan on attending anyway, and headed towards the library. He had parted ways with Trowa after leaving Earth, though he'd told the other pilot which colony he was headed to before taking off. It had taken him three days to find a good place to blend into life on the colony, acquiring an apartment and once again setting himself up as a student in order to have easy access to information without looking too conspicuous.

_I don't even know what possessed me to make a speech like that at a time like this._ As much as he'd tried to ignore it, perhaps the colonies' denouncement had gotten to him more than he'd realized. He'd found himself wondering a lot in the past few days about the nature of Earth and the colonies and the mission he'd been assigned. _Originally, it was about destroying OZ. But when OZ is no longer the only obstacle to true peace – when the colonies themselves have become an obstacle by taking up arms – where do I draw the line? Who and what are we really fighting for?_

Heero found himself an internet terminal and logged on, not surprised to find his email empty. He was aware by now that Dr. J - and whoever he was working with – was captive somewhere that he could not send a message. It was becoming entirely possible that he might have to find and kill Dr. J if the scientist was being coerced into working for OZ.

_The colonies may be blind, but I will never trust OZ._ Pulling up a basic search engine, he typed a few things in, waiting for the answer he was pretty sure he'd already deduced. "After Colony 175. No major incidents within the colonies…? The assassination of the leader Heero Yuy has been deleted." _Lies, lies, lies… that's all OZ is._ "OZ's methods haven't changed one bit."

Disgusted and angry, Heero turned away from the monitor and his eyes were drawn to the large TV screen at the end of the room, streaming live OZ footage. _A Gundam pilot caught?_ The camera wobbled and then OZ soldiers appeared on the screen, holding up an unconscious Duo Maxwell by his arms. _That fucking idiot got himself caught._ "This wouldn't be the right time for battle," he muttered to himself, knowing he'd left his Gundam on Earth and that everything in the colonies was completely volatile. _But_ _I can't let OZ use a public execution of one of us as grounds to unite the colonies even more. Better he died by my hand, rather than be OZ's pawn._

Dr. J would have to wait for now. Taking care of this new problem had already become priority. "All negative factors must be eliminated." Heero repeated this over and over in his head, trying to force out the confused jumble of emotions that had been creeping up on him ever since he'd gone down to Earth and met Duo Maxwell.

Heero growled under his breath, trying to rein in his temper as he pulled up a few more pages on the internet, already planning his infiltration of the base Duo was being held at. The execution was scheduled for tomorrow morning, but if he hurried, he could make it to Duo first. There wasn't much time for planning at all.

* * *

_o/ I tried to paint you a picture, the colors we're all wrong  
Black and white didn't fit you, and all along  
You were shaded with patience, and strokes of everything  
That I need just to make it, and I can see that /o_

Duo Maxwell felt as if he'd been stomped on by his own Gundam.

Facedown on the damp, slimy floor, he wheezed a shallow breath in and out and wiggled all of his fingers and toes to make sure they were still there. He only vaguely remembered the fight that had led to his being captured, and everything since then was a blur of interrogation and fierce beatings. Time was so far beyond his comprehension that he had no idea how long it had been since he'd eaten or slept.

"Shit, they did me over," he groaned, struggling onto his hands and knees as he coughed. He managed to prop himself against the wall and wiped some of the sweat off of his face. "This sucks."

Duo was quite aware that OZ was planning to execute him publicly in the morning and he vaguely contemplated trying to find a way to kill himself before that happened. It didn't seem possible, as he had almost noting on him to assist with the job. He felt in his jacket for the photographs, but didn't bother taking them out. It was pitch black inside his cell and he was sure that his own memory of that day was stronger anyway. As he let his mind drift into memories of colorful fish floating in front of him, he barely registered the sounds coming from the other side of the wall.

Suddenly, the door opened, flooding the tiny cell with a light so bright that Duo had to blink several times before he could make out the outline of a human being in the doorway. As his eyes focused properly, the dark cloud hanging over him seemed to dissipate a little. "What a surprise, Heero. You really are superhuman." It was meant to be a joke, but the pained edge in Duo's voice gave it surprising bite. The last time they'd seen each other, after all, had been hours before Heero had blown up both his Gundam and himself. And now, here he was, standing in the doorway as if nothing had happened, seeming as calm and cool as ever.

Heero flipped an unconscious soldier over his shoulder and onto the floor before meeting Duo's eyes. The two pilots stared at each other for a long moment before Heero lifted and pointed a gun at Duo's head. _Eliminate all negative factors…_

_I know. I failed you by getting caught. I'm in the way of your mission._ For a moment, Duo wondered sarcastically to himself if the times he and Heero had spent together had already been wiped from his mind. _Does he seriously mean to kill me? _"Just in time. They were about to use me and my Gundam for their plans." Duo was unable to keep the sarcasm out of his voice as he slid slowly up the wall to get to his feet, not wanting to show the other boy what a mess he was just yet. "If I'm gonna die, then this seems like the way to go." _Does it even matter if I die here? Everything's so fucked up._ He closed his eyes and lifted his chin proudly. "Go ahead and shoot me."

Heero wanted to think that it was just Duo's usual humorous sarcasm, but something deeper seemed to be off with the braided pilot, almost as if he meant what he was saying. Heero's eyes narrowed, trying to shake off the thoughts of concern that rose as he considered how Duo was acting. _I could kill him and myself. Two less targets for OZ to exploit._ Heero's finger tensed on the trigger.

After a moment of silence, Duo opened his eyes again. _He can't do it._ "Hey, you're seriously gonna shoot me, aren't you?"

Looking back years later on that moment, Heero would pinpoint it as a turning point in the grand scheme of everything in his life. It wasn't just that he didn't _want_ to kill Duo, much the same way that deep down he hadn't wanted to kill Relena. No – it was the realization that if he killed Duo, he really might as well just kill himself too. It was the realization that subconsciously, that was what he had planned to do. He'd set out the perfect plans for infiltration of this base, right down to the laying of a series of explosives as a failsafe to buy him time, but he had not contemplated an escape route. He had not planned on making it out alive, but now that he realized that… he found that underneath it all, he didn't want either of them to die in this place.

_But Duo looks almost as if he'd be content with both of dying here and now. How did we get so mixed up? Shouldn't it be the other way around?_ "If that's what you want," he finally muttered in a reply just as sarcastic, lowering the gun and turning away. He couldn't think any more on the whys of his decision – he needed to figure out how to get them out of there before they were both caught. "Your right hand's still okay?" Without waiting for a response, he tossed his gun to Duo and picked up a semi-automatic gun from the downed soldier.

Duo didn't pause to question how easily they seemed to slip back into working together, even though Heero had just had a gun pointed in his face. _Plenty of time for chit-chat when we're not running for our lives._ He picked up the gun as Heero walked over to him, holding out an arm. Duo slipped his arm around Heero's shoulders and let the other boy support him as they moved towards the door. "So, where's your Gundam?"

Heero glanced up and down the hallway, looking back and forth for enemies. "I left it on Earth. It'd stick out, here in space," he answered dryly. "Then I'd get caught like you."

"Yeah, well, pardon me," Duo snapped back, but it was good-natured. Heero teasing him felt… normal. "How will you get us out of here?"

_No harm in telling the truth._ "I came to kill you. I hadn't thought up an escape plan yet."

_Why am I not surprised? _"And if we don't make it?"

"It's as simple as silencing the two of us," Heero's gaze shifted to the detonator in his hand.

"That's such a pleasant thought," Duo managed to muster a smirk as Heero hit the first of a series of switches on the device. An explosion echoed somewhere in the distance, and Heero let go of Duo momentarily to wrap his hands around the iron bars separating the brig from the rest of the base.

Duo made no secret of gaping at the display of strength as Heero pried the bars apart with brute force, teasing him as the other pilot pulled him through the opening and they started to run down the corridor together. "It's always the quiet guys who're the flashiest." He could feel some strength returning to his limbs that was partially the freedom to move after being locked up for so long and partially the familiar adrenaline of danger. As they came around a corner, Duo's quick reflexes caught a group of passing soldiers just ahead and he shoved Heero into an alcove so they wouldn't be seen.

Trying to ignore the extreme proximity of Duo's body pressed up against his, Heero punched the button for the elevator and said, very softly. "It's always the motormouths who surprise you with their quick wits."

The elevator doors slid open and Heero stepped backwards, pulling Duo with him by the wrist. Inside the elevator, Heero stood against the wall with his gun held straight up and at the ready. Duo crouched beside him, trying to stretch out cramped muscles, and wondered how they were going to escape from an entire base full of soldiers and the new mobile suit models he'd fought briefly before being captured.

"So those new models are the mobile dolls," Duo mused out loud. "No wonder their reaction time is so quick!" _They're all computers, after all._

Heero kept his eyes focused on the elevator door, willing it not to stop on any of the other floors on the way to their destination. "Once they're locked onto a target, there's no escaping." _It'll be hard to keep them from targeting us unless I give them something else to target first. Once I do that, it's as easy as flying out of here._

"Then how will we get away?" Duo watched Heero's face, but he could tell the other pilot was deep in thought. _We'd be invisible if those things targeted something else._

Glancing down at Duo, Heero raised an eyebrow. "I'm not thinking about escaping."

Duo looked up at Heero in surprise, realizing that he had to have come up with a similar idea if he was no longer worried about escaping. "What?!"

The elevator door slid open and shots were fired immediately. "Duo!" Heero said sharply, looking for an opening. "We need to make the dolls target something besides us!"

Leaning around Heero's legs, Duo surprised a couple of the soldiers with his deadly aim. "Preferably something there's a lot of, for maximum chaos!"

With Duo having taken out a few of the soldiers, Heero easily managed to disable the rest, reaching down to grab Duo's arm and hauling him to his feet with a hint of amusement on his face. "Agreed. Find a standard shuttle and use its guns to attack one of the dolls. I'm going to force it to target the space suits before commandeering the actual vessel we'll leave on."

"Footsteps," Duo muttered in response, seeing no reason not to follow Heero's lead. He wasn't so injured that he couldn't break into a shuttle and fire a couple of shots. "Shoot or run?"

"Explode," Heero answered, clicking another button on the detonator before tossing the now useless box aside. Explosives blew off to the right, much closer than the last batch, and the two pilots took off down the corridor again.

Once inside the bay, the two slipped into some spacesuits and Duo parted ways with Heero, grateful for the zero gravity that made it far less painful to move towards the shuttles. He was nearly at his limit after the last few days, but he climbed inside the shuttle, examining the controls while waiting for Heero to be in position. He watched through the main view screen as the other boy boldly shot at the mobile dolls before making a quick escape into a different type of shuttle. As it began to move towards him, Duo fired the guns on his own craft and then dove for the door. All of the mobile dolls in the bay were beginning to come to life now and as Heero's shuttle soared closer, Duo leapt towards it, letting his momentum carry him to the open doorway. As soon as he was safely inside, Heero closed the door and used the guns to blast open the hatch on the mobile suit bay. A moment later and they were out into space, nothing but a bright streak in their wake.

Yanking off his helmet and dropping it on the floor, Duo limped a few steps and collapsed into the seat beside Heero, who pulled off his own helmet and set it down beside his own seat.

"I left my Gundam behind," Duo stewed, watching the explosions that were now far behind them on the monitors. "I've gotta destroy it!"

"The Gundams are worthless."

Duo's eyes widened as he turned to look at Heero. "What?!"

"Dr. J and the other scientists who designed the Gundams have all been caught by OZ. I'll kill them all."

"Heero…" Duo started, trying to turn in his seat and nearly retching at the intense pain in his side that resulted.

"I'll eliminate all obstacles." Heero was busy checking the monitors for other vessels and setting their course for back to the colony he'd been hiding on. They were far enough away from the base now that they would not be followed. "The colonies view the Gundams as the enemy and have begun to take up arms. This is no longer merely about dismantling OZ."

"No, I guess it isn't…" Duo sighed, closing his eyes. Now that they were out of danger, he was becoming more and more aware of his injuries and exhaustion. He felt queasy and dirty, unsettled and confused. "But I guess I'm not as ready to think of the colonies as enemies as they are to think of us…" He trailed off as his voice gave out, coughing a little.

"There might be water in the emergency stores, where the medical kit is," Heero told him as he was finishing the course input and turning it to auto-pilot. He turned towards Duo as the other boy rose unsteadily to his feet, but he hadn't taken more than two steps away from his chair when he suddenly sagged. Jumping up, Heero caught him easily, carefully lowering the other pilot to the floor behind their two seats. "Duo…?" he murmured, reaching carefully to turn Duo's face towards him. The braided pilot's eyes were closed and his body was limp, but he was still breathing shallowly.

Heero sat for a little while with his back up against the wall, Duo in his lap, just to make sure the other boy wasn't in any immediate danger. As they approached the colony, he carefully lifted Duo back into his seat and sat down at the controls again to guide the shuttle in. It was late at night, colony-time, and the streets were mostly deserted. Duo stirred once as Heero stripped him of the space suit, but not enough to protest as Heero carried him the entire way back to the apartment.

Carefully laying the other pilot on the bed, he kicked off his shoes and grabbed a glass off of the bookshelf. There wasn't a real kitchen, but he filled the glass with water from the bathroom sink and gulped it down as he contemplated what he was going to do next. He was tired and Duo was obviously beyond exhausted, but there was no way he was going to go to sleep without at least checking over the braided pilot's injuries.

Crossing the room to stand beside the bed, Heero gazed down at Duo for a moment and then reached out a hand to shake him lightly, not surprised when he received no response. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he reached to slowly unzip Duo's jacket before lifting the other boy up to slide it off of his arms. As he moved to drop it onto the floor beside the bed, something fluttered out of the pocket. Curious, he bent to pick up the item and realized that it was the two photographs he'd pilfered from Melanie and hidden inside the marine science book to reduce evidence of their time at that school. He'd nearly forgotten about them and pressed his lips together tightly as he stared at the images. _I can't believe he managed to hang onto these through the mess he's been in._

Heero separated the two photos, holding one in each hand and glancing back and forth. In the first, he was plunging Duo's hand into the tank of sharks. The look on Duo's face was definitely surprise, but it was tinted with something else, some sort of relieved hopefulness. He almost couldn't bear to look at his own expression, for he was instantly reminded of how awkward and yet aroused he'd felt that day at the aquarium, trying to force back his own memories and feelings. The second picture was easier for him to look at, though probably more revealing on both their parts. Although their backs were to the camera, the way Duo's hand was placed on his arm and the slight lean of his body revealed an intimacy between them… the way Heero could see the tension in his own shoulders from how that touch had made him feel…

Abruptly standing up, Heero took the second photo and tucked it into his bag, in between some maps he'd downloaded of the lunar base. Carefully placing the first photo on the nearby table, Heero next moved to untie Duo's boots, pulling them off and kicking them towards the door. He tried shaking Duo once more, but when he still received no response, he went ahead and removed the rest of his clothing. Carefully gathering the unconscious boy in his arms, he carried him into the small bathroom and tried to arrange him in the tub as best he could.

He had no idea what to do about the tangled mess that was Duo's hair, so he left it alone for the time being and concentrated on trying to clean the dirt and blood from the rest of him. There was an especially dark bruise on his side that probably meant a cracked rib and Heero's eyes narrowed at the thought of OZ soldiers kicking Duo around, but the braided pilot didn't seem to have broken anything else.

Once Duo was clean, Heero laid him out on the bed again and pulled out the medical kit, tending to what injuries he could before coming to an awkward point. He definitely didn't want to put dirty clothes back on him, but he didn't have much else that wouldn't get in the way of the bandages besides the simple shift that had come in the medical kit. _If I was waking up in a strange place, would I rather be naked or wearing some hideously ugly garment?_ He smiled a little as he imagined Duo's reaction to the totally unflattering boxy shape, but it was better than nothing.

After pulling the sheet up on the other boy, Heero went to have a quick shower himself, contemplating the odd moment he found himself in. He had already planned to leave for the lunar base tomorrow, with the intention of killing the group of scientists if they were indeed working for OZ, but now he found himself wondering if that was what would truly result. Today had proved that he wasn't exactly the best with sticking to his plans as of late. _After all, the mission to kill Duo somehow turned into the mission to rescue and take care of Duo…_ and here he was, thinking about Duo while in the shower again.

Before he let his thoughts drift away and get the better of him, Heero stepped out of the shower, drying himself quickly and throwing on a t-shirt and a pair of loose knit pants. Duo hadn't moved at all from the position Heero had left him in, flat on his back, and Heero leaned over him, hovering a moment before placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. He lay down on his side at the edge of bed so that they were not touching and watched the slow rise and fall of Duo's chest until he fell asleep.

* * *

_o/ Lord knows I've failed you, time and again  
But you and me are all right /o_

* * *

The sound of a siren in the distance caused Duo to stir slightly and he blinked a few times, momentarily confused by the white ceiling visible even in the dark, the soft bed underneath him and the warm presence beside him. _Heero…_ Everything looked wobbly and he couldn't quite pull himself into wakefulness, but he rolled carefully onto his good side, burying his face into warm t-shirt with a sigh.

* * *

When Duo finally woke for real, it was morning and he was alone in the bed. _Did Heero leave without even a goodbye?_ With a grimace, Duo carefully sat up and swung his feet over the side of the bed, realizing he was wrapped in several places with bandages and wearing the most hideously odd garment that most closely resembled a hospital gown. Pulling his braid over his shoulder, he wrinkled his nose in disgust and decided that a shower had to be first order, even if it meant redoing all of the bandages.

Letting the water cascade down his body felt like becoming human again for Duo and he found himself drinking the water right as it ran into his mouth, eyes squeezed closed. It tasted sweet and yet slightly metallic and Duo savored every drop. _Between space and a cell, I think I almost lost my mind back there._ _I've thought myself to be on the verge of death for so long that I don't think it's quite hit me yet that I'm alive. And Heero's alive._

Almost as soon as he'd thought these words, Duo heard the apartment door open and close and he hurriedly finished washing his hair. He had just wrapped a towel around himself when a light knock sounded on the door. "You can come in," Duo called, examining himself in the mirror. There were still dark circles under his eyes and an equally dark bruise along one cheekbone and he plastered on a smile to try and chase away the haunted look the bruises gave him.

Heero opened the door slowly, holding out a pile of Duo's clean and folded clothing. "I've got breakfast as soon as you're ready."

"Thanks," Duo answered, accepting the pile, but before he could say anything else, Heero had already closed the door again. He took a few minutes to re-do some of the bandages (and ignored the ones he deemed unnecessary) and then carefully pulled his pants on. Studying his reflection in the mirror, he surveyed the bandages around his middle and decided that the hideous garment would probably be looser and safer for the bandages than his usual clothes and slipped it back on again. _There's no way in hell I can reach back to braid my hair today. I barely got it untangled and washed without passing out from the pain of my fucking cracked rib. Damn OZ._

The decision made out of necessity, Duo limped slowly back into the main room, sitting down on the bed as he watched Heero setting out some food on the small table. He had no idea how to ease into this question, so he just blurted it out without really thinking about it. "Would you mind helping me braid my hair?"

Heero looked up from the bag he was pulling things out of, his eyebrows raising slightly in surprise. He had always sort of known intuitively that Duo was protective of his hair and he quietly relished the one time he'd truly been able to touch it – that incident in the shower. He remembered quite vividly the feeling of running his fingers through it and felt his face flushing slightly with the memory. He quickly looked away, reaching into the bag again as he mumbled his reply. "I'd be honored."

Duo flushed himself at the response, a warm feeling tickling his insides as he twirled the hairbrush in his hands. _What a strange way to agree…_ Did Heero somehow know that Duo had, well… a "thing" regarding his hair? Touched by the other boy's response, Duo found himself opening up a little. "I didn't always braid it, y'know…" he started, shifting a little and glancing awkwardly at the wall beside the bed. "I was at this church for awhile and one of the sisters there, Sister Helen… she did it to keep me from looking so messy all the time." Duo paused for a moment and then pitched his voice higher. 'It's so unhygienic, Duo!' He paused again and cleared his throat with a quick chuckle. "That's what she used to say." Duo trailed off awkwardly as Heero came to sit beside him on the bed and took the hairbrush out of his hands. "Umm, i-it's best if you start at the bottom."

Heero nodded and did as Duo suggested, brushing the ends of his hair first and slowly working his way up. It didn't seem as if Duo wanted any response to his brief story-telling, but it had made Heero realize how little they actually knew about each other. He couldn't think of anyone he'd ever shared his stories with, not even Dr. J, and so he was at a loss for how to respond. He searched his mind for something, anything that had even the remotest relevance. "I… I used to get scolded by my… my guardian, when I was little." Heero didn't want to get in to actually discussing who or what Odin Lowe was to him, so he tried to keep the story vague. "For getting dirty. I would wander too far or go somewhere I wasn't supposed to, just because I could…" Heero paused for a moment to set down the brush and started to separate Duo's hair into three pieces. "I guess I wasn't afraid of getting messy, even though it drove him crazy. I was a reckless kid."

"You weren't the only one," Duo replied with a soft laugh. He closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of Heero's hands in his hair and let his mind drift over Heero's words for a moment. _For all the ways it's obvious we're different, more and more I think there's a lot about us that's also the same. Certainly the stubborn, definitely the guarded and absolutely the reckless._ And reckless brought to mind one thing before all others, still. As Heero slipped a rubber band around the end of his braid, Duo slowly shifted his position until they were seated at an angle from each other and he could just see Heero's face out of the corner of his eye. "I thought you were dead."

Heero had absolutely no idea what to say because he had never felt that kind of sincere concern for his life from someone who didn't simply view him as a weapon. "I'm…sorry?" he tried uncertainly.

Duo hadn't realized just how heavy a weight he was carrying around until he blurted out those words and felt the burden lift. He'd tried to shove down a lot of how he was feeling when they'd been at the school, letting Heero be the one to start things, not wanting to scare away the only friend he'd made in a long time. Now, after thinking he'd lost him, Duo felt he couldn't just sit on his hands and ignore what all his senses were urging him to do. Turning quickly, he leaned in and brushed his lips lightly against Heero's, his eyes drifting closed.

_o/ I figured there's nothin to lose, I need to get  
Some perspective on these words, before I write them down  
You're an island and my ship has run aground /o_

Heero sensed what was about to happen as Duo leaned in, but it wasn't until he felt those lips against his that he lifted one hand to the side of the other boy's face and returned the kiss. He'd been thinking about kissing Duo again almost since he'd woken up at the circus a few weeks ago and those feelings suddenly overwhelmed him. Curling the same hand around the back of Duo's neck until his fingers buried into the thick and slightly damp braid, Heero kissed him again, running his tongue slowly along Duo's bottom lip until that sweet mouth opened up to him.

Duo's hands rose to rest heavily on Heero's shoulders and he hummed a soft sound of pleasure as he kissed back, as willing and pleased to fight for control as ever. _I've missed this. I've wanted this. I have to admit that I enjoy the fact that I get to him, when nothing else seems to…_ But Heero was winning this time, kissing Duo to the breathless point where all he could think about was how much he wanted Heero. _I've spent so many weeks trying to forget what happened between us and now it's all rushing back to me._ As Heero's hand slid down from Duo's shoulder to his waist, they tried mutually to shift their bodies closer, but the movement was too painful for Duo and he flinched, breaking the kiss with a small gasp. "Sorry, I…"

"No, it's my fault," Heero interrupted him immediately, letting go of Duo and scooting back an inch all in the same motion. "I-I should have known better," he started. He really didn't want to injure Duo any further, but he also didn't want Duo to think that he didn't want to kiss him, so he added. "But it's not that I didn't want to, I mean…you know… why don't we have breakfast?" Heero finally trailed off awkwardly, getting up from the bed and moving to sit in the chair.

Duo tilted his head and smiled, somewhat apologetically, but also in amusement at the reaction he'd provoked from the other pilot. "I'm starved," he agreed, holding out his hands to accept whatever Heero was going to offer him. Food was food and he was damn hungry, after all.

Heero pushed a plate across the table that was full of various pastries as well as several hard-boiled eggs. "I didn't know what you'd be up for eating," he started, then paused as he watched Duo grab a muffin and shove nearly half of it into his mouth at once. "Good to see your ravenous appetite hasn't been affected."

With his mouth full of muffin, Duo couldn't speak, but he held two fingers up in a V and chuckled, spraying crumbs everywhere.

"Thanks," Heero wrinkled his nose, which only caused Duo to laugh again.

"Sorry," he wiped the crumbs away with the back of his hand. "I haven't eaten anything since I was floating in space for days, y'know, before OZ caught up with me, and I polished off the food that Quatre packed for me." He took the other half of the muffin, glanced at Heero and considered it for a moment, and then broke the half in half again before eating the next piece.

"Quatre? Is that the blond pilot?" Heero picked up a croissant and started to unravel the end of it. He was curious about the other pilots after spending some time with Trowa and it sounded as if Duo had spent some time with this Quatre.

Duo nodded as he swallowed and then smiled, realizing that his two friends didn't know each other. "He's a really great guy, Quatre – really empathetic and ridiculously smart when it comes to things like history and speaking languages. We spent a few weeks together in Africa and ended up rebuilding a village. Crazy, right?" He hadn't meant to rush through the summary, but it felt so strange to be telling Heero about it when he'd spent most of that time thinking Heero was dead.

Heero felt a twinge of jealousy as he listened to Duo talk about the other pilot in such an affectionate way, but he stuffed down the unfamiliar feeling, not knowing what else to do with it. "It sounds like you were there for awhile, then," he commented, pulling off a piece of the now completely unraveled croissant and dropping the rest onto the plate. "I was actually unconscious for a month and really only remember the last two weeks."

"Trowa took care of you, right? Quatre mentioned that they'd met too."

"Yes, he did," Heero answered vaguely, still uncomfortable with the idea of anyone taking care of him. "We traveled together before departing for outer space." He stuck the piece of croissant in his mouth finally, mainly to avoid having to say anything else.

"I'm a little worried about Quatre," Duo added with a frown, turning over the last piece of muffin in his hands. "We were originally going to try and stick together, but then he self-detonated Sandrock and everything got messed up. I'm pretty sure he made it off Earth in a shuttle, but I have no idea how to find him." He also had no idea what to do next, but he wasn't going to tell Heero that, so he shoved the last piece of muffin into his mouth instead.

Having no idea how to respond to Duo's worry over Quatre, Heero decided he ought to start talking about what needed to be talked about while Duo's mouth was still too busy to interrupt him. "I've found out that the scientists are being held at the lunar base. OZ has also allowed the tourist center and hotels to re-open, so it should be easy for me to hop a shuttle there unnoticed."

Finally managing to swallow the last piece of muffin, Duo grabbed for a container of juice and drank quickly as Heero rose to his feet and reached into his pocket for a couple of photos. "Did you say the lunar base?! "

"That's right. A large amount of Gundanium alloy is being brought into the lunar base factory." Heero looked down at the photo in his hands of the base's location inside a large crater. "It's probably for making a new type of mobile suit." He flipped to a second picture before dropping them both onto the table, letting Duo connect the dots. _A large amount of Gundanium, to me, is a dead giveaway that the scientists are working for OZ._

"So what are your plans?" Duo said casually, temporarily ignoring the rest of the food and examining the pictures without picking them up.

Heero eyed the other pilot sternly for a minute before responding. "Just stay here. You'll get in the way." _I don't want to be harsh, but…_

"What do you mean?!" Duo's words were indignant as he tried to stand up too quickly, only to sit back down again, clutching his side with a grimace. _I want to go, but I know Heero's right. I would think he's trying to protect me, but he probably just thinks I'll slow him down._ "I'm gonna need time to recover, considering all that's happened. But how about being a little kinder to me once in awhile?"

Heero shook his head a little at Duo's weak attempt at a joke and pointed at the plate again in hopes that he would eat some more. "Why not go to school instead of me? I've already got the admission taken care of, under your name."

"What?!" Duo said incredulously, picking up a hard-boiled egg and starting to peel it, averting his eyes from Heero's gaze. _Why is he registered for school under my name?_ "That's a bad joke. You've got to be kidding! Sure, your name would stick out here, but still…!"

Heero was amused at Duo's response, but tried not to show it. "Instead of complaining, just rest and get better."

"I will, I will…" Duo grumbled, carefully pulling the yolk out and dropping it on the plate. He ate the egg white while continuing to grumble to himself and then finally muttered. "But I'm not going to school." _I don't want to go somewhere that's only going to remind me of you being with me when you're not._ "Are you sure you don't want to wait, so that I can come with you?" He kept his eyes averted, not wanting Heero to see the vulnerability he wasn't very good at hiding from the other boy.

"Every day I wait is a day closer to the possible completion of a new Gundam." Heero reached to pick up the two photos and shoved them in his pocket.

"Well…" Duo finally looked up again to find that Heero's eyes were still on him. "Be careful. Don't overdo it. And I don't promise not to follow you there once I'm able."

"I'd expect nothing else from you." The words should have been sarcastic coming from Heero, but instead they actually sounded sincere. He stood there staring at Duo for a moment longer, but knew that he needed to get going to make the shuttle he already had a ticket for.

_And here we are, back at goodbye again._ "Heero…"

Heero shook his head silently, bending down to pick up his bag. "Don't – it's better that way." He knew that Duo was trying to say goodbye, but he didn't want to hear it or think about why that made it even harder to leave.

Duo wanted to blame the ache in his chest on his injuries, but knew that he couldn't and as he watched Heero walk silently to the door, he struggled for something else to say. "Don't die." It was probably an odd thing to say, but it was how he really felt at that moment and he couldn't think of anything else.

Heero glanced over his shoulder, giving Duo a rather puzzled look as he opened the door. It wasn't until he'd stepped outside and started to close it that he leaned his head back in and replied in a dead even tone. "That's why I'm leaving you behind." And then he grinned.

It was the first time Duo could ever recall seeing an expression like that on Heero's face and he gaped at the other pilot in complete surprise. _Is that supposed to be a joke?_

And even though he was pretty sure Heero was just teasing him, Duo reached for one of his boots, chucking it at Heero's face as hard as he could. The boot hit the door with a loud thwack as Heero pulled his head out and closed it behind him.

Leaving the rest of the food where it was, Duo crawled carefully across the bed until he was sitting in the window, looking out on the entire colony. "Don't over do it. Like he's gonna listen. Of course he'll over do it."

The only thing Duo wanted was to chase after Heero and demand he be allowed to come, but he knew he couldn't. The only thing he could do was try and recover as quickly as possible.

_o/ We won't say our goodbye's, you know it's better that way,  
We won't break, we won't die, it's just a moment of change  
All we are, all we are is everything that's right  
All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi /o_

* * *

It was a full two days before Duo could cross the apartment without wincing, but as soon as he was confident on his feet again, he left to wander the streets of the colony and find out what was going on in the world. Heero had left him a blue jacket, which he used to tuck his braid into, but the first thing he did once he'd gotten to a busy section of the colony was pilfer a hat, pulling it down low in front to shadow his face.

It was nighttime and the streets were busy with people eating, drinking, shopping and partying as Duo wandered aimlessly, hands shoved into his jacket pockets. This wasn't the colony he'd grown up on – it was actually much cleaner and safer even in this part of town, lit with neon signs saying "tool plaza" "milky" and "love bar" than anywhere he could remember on L2.

"…that is very significant for the colonies defense. These young volunteers are vying for a position to fight for the safety of the colonies."

Duo caught sight of a wanted poster of himself – in the image he was nearly unconscious and in captivity - and tore it off the wall, angrily crumbling it into a ball. "Why is everyone going along with OZ's every word?" he growled, turning to look at a large billboard screen above one of the bars. It was loudly blaring the latest OZ news reports and a group of people had gathered underneath to watch.

"The youngsters fared well in a firing test designed to reflect a real battle."

Disgusted, Duo halfheartedly continued to watch the mobile suits fighting and getting blown up live on the screen, casually reaching to snitch a soda from a cart nearby while everyone was focused on the view screen. _It makes me sick to watch colony people taking up arms because OZ has brainwashed them into thinking there's no other choice._

The report cut out for a moment to switch feeds or cameras and when Deathscythe suddenly appeared on the screen, Duo dropped the soda he was holding in shock. "What?!"

"A Gundam, responsible for the misunderstandings between Earth and the colonies and causing destruction will be destroyed by a colony citizen wishing for peace. Ladies and gentlemen, stand by to witness this!"

Duo's heart was pounding as he watched his already badly damaged Gundam drifting listlessly in space. "Hey, Deathscythe," he whispered, his eyes wide. "Don't give up too easily. You'll be okay, right? You'll come out fine, right…?" But he already knew this wasn't going to end well.

"Damn! Damn!" he yelled, not caring what kind of attention he drew to himself as he watched the fiery ball engulf his Gundam. Lowering his head, he balled his fists as he turned away from the screen. "GODDAMNIT!!"

Several people standing under the screen looked at him in surprise, but he pulled the hat low again and stormed away from the screen, down the nearest side street, cursing under his breath. _I am so pissed. I am so FUCKING pissed!_

The rational side of Duo tried to argue that he had already known he wasn't going to be able to get his Gundam back, but that didn't seem to lessen the emotional blow. He felt so lost and disconnected from the mission and everything else and he kicked a garbage can in the alley until it flew into a dumpster with a resounding clang. He could only remember a couple of times in his life that he'd been this angry and as he wove his way through the winding streets, old habits began to surface.

_gwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgw_

"_It's easy, Duo. It's so easy because there're only three rules."_

_Crouching behind a garbage can as people rushed by in both directions, Duo's eyes were wide as he watched his friend studying something intensely, and he asked hopefully. "Are you gonna teach me?"_

"_Rule one – study people. The best way to spot an opening is to already be able to guess how they'll move next."_

_Duo's eyes followed Solo's gesture and came to rest on a group of women arguing in front of a fruit stand on the opposite side of the street. The apples in a pile in front of them looked so red and round that Duo's mouth watered as he imagined the sweet juice of the first bite._

"_Rule two – want it so much that you already believe that it's yours." Solo elbowed Duo as he caught the younger boy's gaze transfixed on the apple and snickered._

"_I think I can handle that one," Duo grinned, nervous and excited, and Solo lifted a hand to ruffle his messy hair._

"_Last rule – never get caught. Be so swift, so smooth… that you become invisible." And with that last word a near whisper, Solo stood up, running one confident hand through his shaggy brown hair. Duo watched as the other boy slipped through the crowds of people rushing up and down the street, seeming to disappear for a moment. _

_But no – there he was, in the alley on the opposite side of the street, one round, red apple held clearly in his hand. Knowing Duo was watching his every move, he made a show of biting into the apple before pointing at the younger boy._

_Craving the approval of his new friend, Duo nodded before turning his focus to the fruit stand. "Spot the opening," he whispered to himself. "Want it." He stood up, took a deep breath and walked into the crowd of people._

_Duo's heartbeat thumped loudly in his ears, blotting out the noisy crowd and suddenly the apples were within reach._

"_Never get caught."_

_Less than a minute later, he and Solo were racing down the alley, away from the scene of the crime. "Did you?" he asked excitedly, taking Duo by the shoulders and shaking him lightly._

_Duo played coy for just a moment before producing the apple with a grin, laughing as Solo grabbed him around the middle, lifting and swinging him a few step as he bit into the sweet fruit in triumph._

_o/ And every single day that I can breathe,  
You change my philosophy,  
I'm never gonna let you pass me by /o_

_gwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgw_

Duo repeated these words to himself now as he weaved a complicated path through the crowd, his blood still boiling over OZ's destruction of Deathscythe. He knew he was letting his emotions get the best of him, but at the moment, he didn't really care. "Spot the opening," his eyes scanned the booths of stolen electronics, the carts of food of all ethnicities, the knock-off trinkets and cheesy souvenirs. "Want it."

Slipping a bag off a hook at one stand as he began to stroll down the street, he started to fill it, the gleam of satisfaction in his eyes growing with each treasure. "Never get caught."

* * *

Two hours later found Duo sprawled on the floor of the small apartment Heero had left him in, surrounded by his spoils. _It's been years since I've done this…_ He'd already eaten his fill of everything from pizza to fried chicken to sushi to strawberries to chocolate cake and was cheerfully bopping along to music from the headphones attached to the at least twice-stolen digital music player. _I know I should feel guilty, but I really just feel…good._

Crawling carefully between a snow globe, three pairs of sunglasses and an empty container that had once held pork fried rice, he reached for one of his favorite finds. The small hair clips were long and thin like bobby pins, but with a tiny, silver, sparkly star on the very end. It was girly and maybe a little silly and yet it somehow reminded Duo of himself, his mission, his desire to protect the whole of outer space. _A memento…_

Slowly pulling himself up into the chair, he set the empty pastry plate on the floor and slid the clip off of the little plastic holder. He dropped the plastic on the table, his eyes catching on a photograph that had been hidden under the plate. Slipping the clip deep into the underside of his braid so that only he would know it was there, Duo picked up the photo. It was one of the two from the day at the aquarium and he idly wondered where the other one was. _Did Heero find them and take one with him?_

Duo rose, carefully stepping over his pile as he stared at the image of Heero plunging his hand into the shark tank. _I wanted his attention so badly that day… and though I couldn't see it then, I definitely see it now – he liked having my attention. If he was going to leave me only one of the picturse, I'm glad it's this one._ Tucking the photo into his jacket pocket again, Duo left the apartment and headed for the nearest edge of the colony, near the main docking bay for incoming vessels. It was a bit of a walk, but all of the sealing had gotten him thinking about the past, putting him in an odd mood, and he knew the walk would be worth it.

It was something he'd always done, one of the only things he'd missed while on Earth, Duo thought to himself as he picked the lock on one of the maintenance crew doors. It was easy to lift a space suit from the lockers and once he had that, he could walk through most of the rest of the docking bay without a second glance from any of the employees.

_Whenever I really needed to feel small, to find myself again… whenever I needed a reason to keep going, there's always been a place that I liked to go._

Sneaking into the airlock was slightly more difficult, so he tripped a few wires in the electrical box on the opposite side of door number two to get them to shut it down to await morning inspection. It was an old, old trick, from before the days he'd spent sitting on the outside hull of the Sweepers ship in between helping to run tests on Deathscythe.

As soon as the lights had been turned out and the crew had left, Duo re-activated the airlock and went through it. Stepping carefully around the edge of the opening until he was laying flat against the outside wall of the colony, Duo crawled along it so he wouldn't accidentally knock himself off of it until he found a smooth spot to lay down, folding his hands behind his helmet. People weren't supposed to come out here, since it was ridiculously dangerous and probably illegal, but Duo had never paid much attention to that sort of thing.

The surrounding view was infinite stars in all directions, dotted here and there by another colony or a resource satellite. The Earth was partially obstructed by the edge of the colony he was laying on, but he could clearly see the moon, glimmering in the distance, and he wondered if Heero was already there.

_Gundam or no Gundam, mission or no mission… I told Heero I'd follow him to the moon._

_I won't go back on my word, even if the colonies do consider us enemies._

_I know that the five of us won't stop fighting for peace, no matter what happens._

* * *

**Up Next: Chapter 10 - Our Lives**

* * *


	10. Ch 10 Our Lives

** Author's Notes:** I've been awake for 23 hours now after having traveled from Manhattan to Hollywood and H is passed out in the bed beside me. I am quite near delirious, but simply could not keep myself from posting this before crashing to sleep myself.

**snowdragonct: **We're going to be living in Vermont as of August, but haven't found an actual place yet. NY is home for me, so it was fabulous to be back and I can't wait for this move! By the by, H and I saved all of Witness Protection into html files chapter by chapter to take with us and read on the plane, where we had a giggle fit over the road trip between Yuy, Chang and Maxwell. lovelovelove! Thanks, as always, for your review - I love writing the thoughts behind everything, especially places where I really take a look at the emotions behind everyone's actions and am glad someone else appreciates it.

**Kaeru Shisho:** I thought for a very long time about how to end that chapter after all the emotional things that had already happened... the most important thing to me is to bring these characters to life, to breathe a sense of "these are real and complicated people" into the story. I really wanted to start delving into the deeper core of these boys and am really happy that you enjoyed the glimpses into the events that shaped who they are.

**Carrowyn:** Thanks so much for the offer, but generally H proofreads for me. I'm working like crazy to weave in and around the canon and still tell the story I know is there. I'm really looking forward to some of the end of series/ Endless Waltz era stuff I have planned!

This chapter is plot, plot, plot and someone's got a thing for someone else! There's a sweet treat coming up at the end of the next chapter. I missed you all so much and as always, thanks for reading!

* * *

**Chapter 10 - Our Lives (Episodes 20 – 23)**

_o/ Is there love, tonight  
When everyone's dreaming  
Of a better life /o_

Looking back, Heero thought that he really should have known better… and that annoyed him most of all.

The shuttle to the moon had been a breeze, giving him the opportunity to consider what he was about do and what other steps he could possibly take next. The colonies he'd been trying to defend had taken up arms and joined ranks with the enemy he was supposed to defeat. There was nothing he could say or do, especially with public opinion turned against the Gundams, that would sway the colonies away from the path to militarization. _It's almost as if they've been brainwashed._

The only way to make the colonies see the light about OZ was to force OZ to show its hand, which it did not seem willing to do. Nearly two months after he had self-detonated in exchange for the colonies, OZ was still preaching peace to them while battling fiercely on Earth. Heero knew very well that OZ intended to rule all, but would the colonies be happy living in slavery, providing military supplies for OZ and working in OZ's armies, thinking this was the only kind of freedom possible?

_That's not true freedom at all and it makes me sick._ Too long, far too long, he'd been trying to make amends for OZ having used him like a pawn and nothing they could say would ever make him believe they wanted peace. Heero was determined to throw a wrench in their plans in whatever way he could, whether it was destroying their latest projects, killing the scientists or going after Treize himself. He didn't feel any guilt whatsoever about his plans to off the scientists, because as long as they were creating mobile suits for OZ, under duress or not, they were a threat to peace.

It had been entirely too easy to infiltrate the Lunar Base and he'd had no problem following the schematics he'd memorized and bypassing all of the security patrols. Heero had only had to knock out one soldier to gain access to a control room where he hacked into the computer system to find the files on the new type of mobile suits being produced. He had been absolutely right about everything and had been completely confident in his ability to destroy the new partially-constructed Mercurius and Vayeate. The scientists had activated the Mercurius' shield system when he'd tried to blow them up using Vayeate's powerful beam cannon, but he would have been able to take them out and proceed with the destruction of the new suits.

Would have.

But when Trowa had flipped over the new suit to point a gun at his head, his entire plan had gone right out the window.

Heero didn't sincerely know what Trowa was up to – the other pilot had been a complete surprise, an unpredicted variable. His presence was not something Heero had counted on at all.

_Should I have killed him so that I could kill the scientists too? _

Now, locked into a small room and sitting on a hard, uncomfortable bed in handcuffs, Heero considered the moment again and the way they had looked at each other in surprise. He had gambled on the idea that Trowa might have some sort of plan of his own and that he would blow the other's cover if he called the acrobat out on it.

_But what if he doesn't? What if he's really working for OZ? How well do I really know him?_

Heero was all too aware that he might have sealed his own fate, but he couldn't help believing that a way out of this situation would present itself soon. _Maybe Duo's optimism is starting to rub off on me._ Flopping back on the bed, Heero stared at the ceiling and continued to stew. The braided pilot had said he was going to follow Heero to the moon and he knew he could trust that they were still on the same page. There was nothing to do now but wait until the right opportunity presented itself.

o/ _In this world  
Divided by fear  
We've got to believe that  
There's a reason we're here  
Yeah, there's a reason we're here... /o_

* * *

After Heero had been led away in handcuffs, after Lady Une and her entourage had departed and after no one was paying any attention to him at all, Trowa headed back to the lab where the scientists were working on Mercurius and Vayeate. Lady Une's dual personalities, the flip-flopping between sweet naiveté and brutal harshness, had already begun to disturb him, and now with Heero's arrival, he felt more unsure than ever about his decision to infiltrate OZ.

_Heero obviously didn't expect to find me here and my presence definitely disrupted his plans._ Trowa wondered what exactly Heero had planned on doing had he not been here, but there was no way to talk to the other pilot right now about what his plans were. Trowa would have to bide his time until he could get a chance to speak to Heero without blowing his own cover.

"We were expecting you."

The scientist called Dr. J greeted Trowa the moment he entered the room and Trowa glanced around quickly to reassure himself that they were alone before dropping the cold and emotionless mask he'd been wearing as an OZ soldier. "Did you know that Heero was coming here?"

"We have no contact with anyone outside this room," a second scientist, Professor G, answered with a shrug.

"I was expecting him, though," Dr. J insisted, gesturing for Trowa to come closer to where the five of them sat in a circle around a computer screen. "He is the Perfect Soldier and I am quite positive that he came here to kill us."

"What?" Trowa raised an eyebrow, taking a sixth chair that it almost seemed they had left waiting for him.

"Because we are working for OZ, Heero considers us a threat to the peace of the colonies."

"That's a rather black and white way to view things when you are obviously under duress," Trowa replied and was surprised when Dr. J chuckled in response. "Not to mention the fact that the colonies are supporting OZ…" Trowa trailed off, waiting to see what they had to say.

"Heero will act in the best interest of peace, and of the colonies, no matter if they denounce the Gundams or not," Dr. J explained, then turned to tap a few buttons on the computer. "He has been exceptionally trained."

"Are you finally confirming that all of the Gundams have the same mission?" Trowa asked, trying to keep his tone casual. This was the first time he'd even tried to have a conversation with these men, but with the friendly way they treated each other, he'd already deduced that they had conceived the idea of the Gundams together, originally.

"Each of you abandoned the original Operation Meteor for your own reasons," his own scientist, Doktor S, added with a small smile. "Perhaps it is also up to you five to decide whether or not you stand for the same ideal."

_Why is everything they say so convoluted?_ "I know that I am not the only pilot who believes that our missions are one and the same," Trowa shot back a little more defensively than he wanted. He'd infiltrated OZ hoping he might be able to get to Treize himself, but also hoping he'd be in a position to somehow assist the other pilots if and when the time came. He wasn't sure exactly how he planned to do that, but he hadn't been able to come up with any better ideas.

"Indeed, you are not the only one," the fourth man, Instructor H, responded sharply, with a hint of some emotion Trowa couldn't quite define. He leaned over Dr. J and flipped a switch on a device next to the computer monitor and suddenly the room was filled with a familiar voice.

"This is Quatre. My good friends who have retuned to outer space. Let's do our very best to protect the colonies."

As Trowa listened to these words, a strange feeling came over him, tightening in his chest until he felt like it was difficult to breathe. During their battle to return to space, he'd seen quite clearly how determined Quatre was to unite the five pilots – as determined as he'd been the day he and Trowa had first met, and he'd gotten out Sandrock to declare passionately that they shouldn't be fighting. He was floored by the genuine faith the blond seemed to have in all of them to come together and fight for peace. "When… how… " Trowa paused for a moment, trying to find the right words. "You've heard from Quatre?"

"Not exactly," Instructor H said sadly as he turned the recording off and glanced at Dr. J as if handing off the answer.

"Two days ago, Quatre was found floating in space, with this recording repeating on Heero's frequency." Dr. J replied, crossing his arms over his chest and studying Trowa with a calculating expression.

"Two days ago… Heero's frequency?"

"We traded our services for his life," Instructor H added. "To keep OZ from killing him."

"Then he's here?!" Trowa stood up abruptly, body tensing, more concerned over Quatre's well-being than the realization that he now knew what had prompted the scientists to do such a drastic thing as design Mercurius and Vayeate for OZ.

"No, no, no…" Doktor S touched Trowa's arm lightly and the brunette sat down again. "We're not really sure what happened. We know he was in the shuttle originally, but then he wasn't. We don't know where he is now."

"But we feel confident that he is alive," Instructor H added with another smile. "That he managed to escape."

The group of scientists was quiet for a moment as Trowa digested the information. "Quatre… he wants for us to work together. Maybe… yes… yes, he's got to be working on some kind of plan." When he still received no answer, Trowa rose again, realizing he'd been here a little bit too long and hoping that no one had gone looking for him yet. Glancing around at the group, he nodded, half to himself. "I'll do my best to keep you updated. I'll try to pass information to Heero as well."

"I doubt there's much we can do for you," Dr. J shrugged. "But if that changes, we'll let you know."

Trowa nodded to Dr. J and then took his leave, wandering the corridors and doubling over his path several times until he'd found his way back to his room. It was too soon to try and talk to Heero, but the scientists had given him a great deal to think on.

_Quatre will come up with something. I believe it. I've seen his determination and know he won't let anything stop him, stop us…_ For the first time since he'd infiltrated OZ, Trowa felt a spark of true hope ignite in him and knew that he owed it all to the gentle blond pilot who had inspired him with those words projected out into space with such fervor.

_o/ See the truth, all around  
Ohh, our faith can be broken  
Yea, our hands can be bound /o_

* * *

Standing in his father's office made Quatre feel young again - and not in a good way. He knew very well that he'd accomplished a great deal since he'd left home, but being back here again simply brought to mind every bit of defiance it had taken him to leave in the first place.

_I don't want this to seem like I've come crawling home with my tail between my legs. Despite the fact that I had to self-detonate Sandrock, I've far from given up on this cause. In fact, I feel more dedicated to fighting for peace than I ever have before._

"Are you feeling well, Quatre?"

"I'm fine, thank you." Quatre turned to offer a small smile to Irea, the doctor who had so kindly taken care of him and arranged the shuttle to his father's residence.

Quatre didn't remember very much between his departure from Earth and his waking on the resource satellite. He knew that he had floated in space for several days, because he had been severely dehydrated when the satellite crew had found him unconscious in half of a drifting, wrecked mobile suit. _How I ended up in a mobile suit instead of the shuttle I took off in, I suppose I'll never know. I feel awful that Duo and I were separated… I hope he's okay._

Sighing softly, Quatre paced across the room once, twice, before stopping in front of his father's desk to pick up a small framed photograph. He was young here, maybe six, and clinging to his father's leg with an expression of joy and adoration. It should have made him feel good, but instead just made him feel a little queasy. Having been born in a test tube like the rest of his siblings, he'd always felt a bit detached from the familial thing emotionally, despite his respect for his father. _The Maguanacs feel more like home than this place._

"How old were you in that photo?"

Quatre put the photo down and turned to look at Irea, side-stepping her question. "I really appreciate your bringing me here."

Looking away and down at the floor, Irea wondered if Quatre suspected the truth just yet. "It wasn't any trouble. I needed to come anyway."

Before Quatre could respond, the door opened and his father entered the room. Quatre turned quickly to meet his father's gaze with defiance in his eyes, lips pursed and hands curled into fists at his sides.

Mr. Winner stepped towards his son, really wanting nothing more than to pull the beloved boy into his arms and hug him tightly, but he saw the look on his son's face and it frustrated him. This was not going to be the happy reunion he had hoped for, because it was already obvious to him that Quatre had not given up his cause. "You've been very disobedient."

"I still believe I'm right!" Quatre retorted indignantly. _If this is going to become nothing more than another of his lectures…_

Mr. Winner came to stand next to Quatre at the desk and turned the picture back around to face the proper way. All he really wanted was for his son to be home for good, safe and sound, but the times they were living in demanded otherwise. He couldn't help trying to convince Quatre to abandon this quest, even if he already knew it was of no use. They were alike in their stubbornness, he and his son. "Simply living in outer space is difficult for people! Involving yourself in a war is a waste of time!" He turned so that he and Quatre had their backs to each other, standing a foot apart, and placed his hands behind his back. "That's why we've been searching for solutions through discussions with the United Earth Sphere Alliance. But you had to go to Earth in a mobile suit. You even gave them an excuse to attack the colonies."

His father's words stung, as Quatre already blamed himself for being unable to prevent OZ from using the Gundams against the colonies. OZ didn't need an excuse to attack the colonies anyway and Quatre had learned that the hard way. "But someone has to fight or the war won't end." _Nothing will change my mind about fighting for peace._

"Well?! Has it ended?! Did your battle end the war?!" Mr. Winner could see the hurt and frustration in Quatre's eyes as the boy turned around and looked up at him angrily, but he felt he had to be the voice of opposition. _I don't want to loose my only son to this foolishness._ "What could you accomplish? What could a child like you accomplish?! The least you could do as an heir is listen to your father. Use your head."

Sensing that Quatre was on the verge of exploding at their father, Irea stepped forward and tried to defend him. "I think he's grown up to be an excellent heir."

"Irea, don't you start on me."

"Father," Irea paused for just a moment so that the word would register with Quatre. "It's wrong to think of a child as being incapable. My little brother will make an excellent heir."

Quatre made a choked noise of surprise at the comment, whirling around to face Irea with wide eyes. "Irea…"

"That remains to be seen," Mr. Winner answered gruffly, knowing full well that he had verbally disinherited Quatre for leaving the first time. He turned away from both of his children and walked towards the door. As he reached to open it, he glanced over his shoulder at Quatre. "I do not support this decision, Quatre, but short of locking you up, I know there's nothing I can do to stop you. However, this will always be your home and as such, you may take and use whatever you need before you go."

"Thank you, Father," Quatre mumbled as his father closed the door behind him. In his own way, he did love his father very much, but he had to follow his heart and do what he knew was right. Trying to master his emotions, he turned to Irea and smiled weakly. "If you'd like, you can accompany me to Instructor H's laboratory."

"I'd be delighted," Irea smiled warmly, reaching a hand out to squeeze Quatre's shoulder lightly.

The two walked in silence through the corridors of the Winner home, stationed inside yet another research satellite. Quatre was troubled, but not as much by his father's words as over his decision about which path to take next. As they crossed the bridge from the main building into the hangar where the laboratory was located, Irea stopped, leaning against a wall and studying Quatre carefully as he looked out over the abyss beneath them, one hand on the railing.

"Deep inside, Father understands. That dialogue with OZ won't lead to any solutions. But he thinks things will come out all right if the whole colony works together as one."

Quatre turned to look at her and thought of how gently she'd cared for him in the past few days and felt vaguely guilty over the way he hadn't picked up on the truth. "Why didn't you tell me that you were my sister?"

_You seemed so frail and delicate when we first found you and I… I wanted us to know and like each other without the weight of family ties._ "I'd heard from Father that my little brother was a Gundam pilot," Irea started carefully. "But he gets so upset. I couldn't decide whether to say anything."

"I heard my sisters were stationed in different resource satellites."

"We're all rooting for you. And Father is no exception."

Quatre turned to look at her in surprise and then smiled faintly. _I can believe that you are rooting for me, Irea, but I still have a hard time believing that Father respects my decision._

Irea could see that her little brother was far from convinced, so she continued. "Right after you left it was Father who worried about you most."

"Really?" Quatre stepped away from the railing and started towards the laboratory, listening to Irea as she followed behind him.

"He talked about sending someone after you, at first, and he promptly banished Instructor H from the satellite. He claimed to think you were foolish, but I honestly think he was simply floored by your bravery and defiance."

"He disinherited me, Irea."

"I don't think he really means that," she said with a soft laugh. "He's just very emotional, underneath that rough exterior. You two are far more alike than you'll probably ever believe. He loves you, truly."

Quatre sighed, feeling a little bit better, and paused to enter the passwords into the keypad outside the main laboratory door. "I wish he could express that in a way other than by attacking my beliefs."

"All parents attack their children's beliefs," she said with a shake of her head. "They want to teach you to fight for yourself out in the world. It's not an easy time we live in."

Turning to look at her as he waited for the doors to slide open, Quatre lifted one hand and pounded a fist against his heart lightly. "Someday, someday soon, these will be peaceful and easy times to live in. That's what I am fighting for and only my own death would put me to rest." Without giving her a chance to respond, Quatre stepped inside the lab and moved around, turning on various switches and panels until everything was properly lit and running. "This is where my Gundam was built…" He trailed off, pensive and bothered. "But I had to destroy it on Earth because of my incompetence." Quatre sat down in a chair in front of the main controls as his mind started formulating a new plan.

"What are you going to do?"

"The instructor's not here. I have to make another Gundam, to fight." There was no real way for him to know what the other pilots were planning, but there was very little Quatre felt he could do without his Gundam. _I've worked on Sandrock enough that I should be able to coordinate a team to build something similar if I have the blueprints._

"Quatre…" Irea started softly. "Can you really fight for the people of the colony?"

Quatre had already started clicking buttons to bring up the file-finding system, but at Irea's words, he stopped in surprise and looked up at her. "Huh?"

Irea glanced away, not sure how to explain the worries she had despite her support of his decision. "Another Gundam pilot who fought like you was caught. His Gundam was destroyed to set an example. The people of the colonies were overjoyed." She turned back to see Quatre frowning and it made her heart hurt. "No one in space considers Gundams their allies anymore," she continued, leaning down and closer to him. "Quatre, are sure you can still fight?"

_I have to fight for so many who can't._ "I wasn't fighting to be recognized by the people. But one day I believe they'll see the truth." Finding the file he'd been searching for, he pulled up the schematics of a Gundam that looked somewhat similar to Sandrock and smiled. "I'm probably feeling sentimental without Sandrock around."

Irea could clearly see the pain in Quatre's eyes even through his smile and wondered at the determination it took to proceed even in a moment where it seemed like the weight of the universe was against you. She really did admire her little brother, and if the other pilots were anything like him, then there was still a hope for the downfall of OZ and the return of true peace to both Earth and the colonies. Feeling badly for making him worry more than he already did, she moved to stand behind his chair as he typed, finally reaching down to hug him from behind. "I'm sorry. I'm your sister, yet I'm always mean to you."

Quatre looked down and away, flushing slightly in surprise, touched at the unexpected affection from his sister. "Sis…"

"We all love you," she murmured into his ear. "So don't be sad, my dearest Quatre."

"Thank you, Irea."

"I need to speak with Father about matters concerning my resource satellite, but after that, I'll be in my room. Come and find me when you're finished here?"

"I will." Quatre waited until his sister had departed and then he tapped a few buttons to bring up the inter-colony news reels. It wasn't very hard to find information on the Gundam pilots, as it seemed the capture Irea was referring to had happened recently. Quatre felt his stomach clench painfully, tears springing hot and fast to his eyes as Duo's image appeared on the screen, unconscious and obviously not well at all.

_This is entirely my fault!_ _If I hadn't so badly miscalculated the number of troops in Singapore, Duo and I would have escaped safely and he'd be here with me now._ Quatre brought his fist to his mouth, biting his knuckles to try and keep the tears at bay as he continued to scroll through more reports. _Please don't let OZ have… no, I can't even think it! _If he let himself break down now, he would never be able to get this new Gundam off the ground and everything would be for naught. _Duo…_

"Wait… another article…" Quatre's breath caught in his throat as he loaded another page, much smaller than the last, obviously a report that was meant to have been buried, and read aloud softly. "Explosions… massive malfunctioning of new mobile doll system… pilot 02… escaped…"

Relief flooded Quatre as another image appeared on the screen, grainy, but unmistakable. It wasn't Trowa or the Chinese pilot, so it had to be… "Heero went to save him!" Burying his face in his arms with a shaky sob of relief, Quatre gave himself a moment to calm down before closing the news reels and printing out the set of blueprints. _I owe Heero one…_

Grabbing the printed blueprints to study, Quate rose to leave the laboratory. He needed to assemble a team that could help him put together the new Gundam, and time was shorter than ever.

_o/ Oh, but open our hearts  
And fill up the emptiness  
With nothing to stop us  
Is it not worth the risk?  
Yeah, is it not worth the risk? /o_

* * *

Trowa finally found the opportunity to get Heero alone a few days after his meeting with the scientists. The other pilot's room had been watched 24/7 and Trowa had not been able to find a way to talk to him without other soldiers present until now. As he watched a glaring Heero being escorted out of the room in handcuffs and led to the mobile suit bay, he wondered if the other boy really thought he was working for OZ.

Lady Une had put Trowa in charge of dealing with the approaching Tallgeese and he had immediately drafted Heero to assist him in test-piloting the newly complete Mercurius and Vayeate. It was an easy sell with the somewhat twisted story regarding the previous battle between Zechs Merquise and Heero Yuy in Siberia needing to be finished. Of course, Trowa had conveniently left out the part of the story regarding the second battle in Antarctica where it had become clear to both him and Heero that Zechs was now fighting for the colonies.

The real truth was that Trowa didn't care at all how their meeting or battle with Zechs went. He and Heero would be alone out in space with the exception of the mobile dolls, and he hoped it would be easy enough to hack the communication system and open a private channel between them to talk. Of course, that was if Heero believed that he was only here undercover. Thinking back on Quatre's message to all of them, he hoped Heero knew him better than to think he'd really switched sides.

Out in space, with official communication channels still connecting them to Barge, Trowa watched as Heero tested out the Mercurius' controls, slashing with the beam saber as he quickly mastered the new mobile suit.

"How is it?"

"Not too bad," Heero responded, his words short and clipped. "The operations are practically identical to the Gundams'." The main propulsion and the beam saber worked almost identically to the Gundams' and the only real difference was the addition of Mercurius' shield system. Even if he wasn't sure what Trowa's motives were, he was appreciative of the chance to familiarize himself with the new suit, just in case he decided to steal it instead of destroy it.

"Not surprising," Trowa replied casually, knowing that Lady Une or her subordinates were likely monitoring their communications. He wanted to wait until they were further out in space before attempting any real conversation, but he couldn't resist baiting Heero. "Hey, Gundam pilot. How would you fight a mobile doll?"

Although the comment had a somewhat snide tone to it, Heero saw right through it and started to think that perhaps Trowa had brought him out here so they could talk. _If that's the case, it'll be much safer to open a secure channel if our two mobile suits are the only thing out here. No computerized dolls spying on us._ Quickly maneuvering the Mercurius behind one of the dolls, he used the beam saber to slice it in half. "First I'd sneak behind the enemy to make sure I was out of its target range." He turned and sliced at a second, blowing it up instantly.

"Don't overdo it," Trowa cautioned, but inside he was trying his best to keep the grin off of his face. _He knows. He knows I'm not with OZ._ Playing along with what he was guessing was Heero's plan, he pointed Vayeate's large gun at the other pilot. "Or I'll have to blow you up."

Vaguely amused at Trowa's cheeky display and aware that they were probably being listened to, Heero couldn't help but take the perfect opportunity to trash OZ's new mobile doll system completely. "The mobile dolls' weak point is that they have the same abilities as the manned models. They're identical down to their mobility and reaction times. The rest depends on how well a human pilot can fight them. Personally, I have a harder time with space mines." He paused only long enough to switch from saber to gun, blowing up a third doll. "We don't need the mobile dolls. I'll handle that white suit on my own." Heero was pretty sure that Trowa had to have figured out what he was attempting to do by now, but the monitors started beeping and zooming in to show the fast approaching Tallgeese.

"We've caught up. We'll send the mobile dolls." Trowa plugged in the commands to send the mobile dolls out ahead of them and couldn't help wondering out loud. "Why's he in outer space?"

"You got me," Heero muttered, then flipped off his official communication channel. It took him less than a minute to hack the system and open up a separate line to Trowa, mouthing at him silently. "Turn off communication as battle prep."

Trowa nearly jumped when a second monitor popped up showing Heero's face, but he could read lips well enough to piece together what he was saying. Flipping off his official communication as if he was about to enter the battle, he relaxed a tiny bit and nodded at Heero's image. "Secure."

"Zechs is not a threat to us. I'll deal with him while you deal with the dolls and then we'll talk." Heero closed the private channel before even giving Trowa a chance to respond and flew towards Zechs with the beam saber at the ready. Zechs evaded Heero easily, giving Trowa the chance to "miss" him with Vayeate's cannon and "accidentally" destroy another handful of the mobile dolls. The three pilots continued in this dance, Heero and Trowa using the new shield systems to easily deflect the Tallgeese while Trowa kept "accidentally" destroying more of the dolls.

Finally, there were only two dolls left, and tiring of the game, Heero blatantly turned and sliced them apart with his beam saber. Opening a 3-way private line, he addressed the other two. "We only have a few minutes to talk before we need to stage your capture and restore official communication lines."

"You were destroying the mobile dolls at the same time that you were fighting me," Zechs said as he recovered from the surprise of the sudden communication. He had recognized the fighting style of both pilots almost immediately and was curious to see what they had to say about showing up in OZ mobile suits. His plan was already to speak with Lady Une, so letting them haul him to Barge would probably save him time and fuel. "Not many pilots could do that in outer space."

"I'll accept the compliment," Trowa responded with a small smirk and then addressed Heero. "It should be obvious by now that I am undercover at OZ, so I'll be brief and pass along some information. The scientists only built these new mobile suits as a trade for Quatre's life, but he ended up escaping OZ troops somehow and his whereabouts are currently unknown."

"Understood," Heero replied, turning his attention to Zechs. "What are you doing in space, Zechs?"

"It's far more complicated than we have time for me to explain," Zechs ran a hand through his long blond bangs, not sure how much he wanted to share with the Gundam pilots. It might be better off for them if they knew less of his plans. "I have ties to Sanc Kingdom--"

"I know who you really are," Heero cut him off, raising an eyebrow. "Are you really intending to pledge pacifism at the colonies as they are taking up arms and embracing OZ?" Heero's tone implied how suicidal he thought such an idea was, so he didn't feel compelled to actually voice the thought.

"I have to try."

Heero nodded sharply as he and Zechs stared at each other across the monitors. _We each have to follow what our emotions guide us to do._ "We have to take you in to OZ so we don't blow Trowa's cover." He paused for a moment, turning his gaze back to Trowa. "There's no way to make the colonies see reason with the way they currently view the Gundams… OZ will show its true self eventually and we need to wait for the right time to make a move."

"Agreed," Trowa nodded and added. "It would also be wiser to wait and see if we hear news of the other pilots. I had to destroy what was left of Gundam 02, but 05 is out there somewhere and there's no way to tell what Quatre may be doing. Heero, I'll continue to try and pass you information."

"Fine. Let's stage the capture now. As soon as I cut this line, Trowa, turn on your official channel and I will too. It's likely that they already suspect Trowa, but that won't stop them from using either of us to pilot these suits." He cut the line and turned on his official communication. Opening the front of his mobile suit, Heero propelled himself through the zero gravity to land on the Tallgeese as Zechs opened the front of it.

"I haven't got time to play games with you," Zechs said loftily, coming out of the Tallgeese with his hands in the air. "Just haul me in." He turned to Trowa, a small smile playing on his lips. _Seems space is filled with dual identities these days._ "Never would've guessed you'd sneak into OZ."

_Oh, two can play at this, Zechs._ "I'm officer Trowa Barton. I don't believe we've met, Zechs Merquise."

Glancing back and forth between the two Gundam pilots, Zechs assumed his most gracious stance. "I'll introduce myself. I go by the name Millliardo Peacecraft. I've come from Earth as a goodwill ambassador."

_o/ We can't go on  
Thinking it's wrong to speak our minds  
I've got to let out what's inside... /o_

* * *

When Trowa, Heero and their captive returned to Barge, Heero expected to be escorted back to his room, but was instead led to a waiting shuttle in a different bay than the one the mobile suits left through. Inside the shuttle, he was surprised to see the Chinese pilot, who he had not yet had the chance to meet in person outside their Gundams.

"You're the one who self-detonated his Gundam," the dark-haired man greeted him with a curious and probing expression.

Heero sat down in the chair across from him and nodded. "You're the one who bailed out Duo and Quatre in Singapore."

Wu Fei held out his hands, locked together in cuffs that went midway up his arms, just as Heero was wearing. "I'd offer to shake, but this garbage makes that rather difficult," he said with disgust. "I am Wu Fei."

"Heero," he replied, holding up his own hands to acknowledge the gesture. "Have you been here long?"

Leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, Wu Fei smirked proudly. "I let myself be caught on purpose, so that I could come here and become stronger. My Gundam is out of both fuel and ammunition, and damaged to the point that the propulsion has failed."

"That's unfortunate…" Heero studied the other pilot for a moment, not sure if he had deflected the question on purpose or if that was simply his way of answering it. Trowa had mentioned the brief time he'd spent with the other pilot many months ago, but that was all he really knew of the other boy. "I've only been here a few days myself. Do you know where we're headed?"

"We're headed to the Lunar Base," Wu Fei supplied, jiggling the handcuffs as he watched Heero out of the corner of his eye. _His expression hasn't changed even a tiny bit since he sat down across from me._ "Are they using us as test pilots for the new models?" He let the question sound casual, but knew that even asking it would let Heero know just how much information he already had about what OZ had been up to recently. As much as Wu Fei was sure that the other pilots were not enemies, he still wasn't the type to give information without getting some back in return. _That would simply be idiotic._

Heero didn't miss the subtle indications of a challenge and raised an eyebrow before responding with just a hint of sarcasm. "Maybe as targets. Even OZ admits we're pretty psyched."

"Hmph…" Wu Fei was both surprised and amused, because he hadn't expected the other boy to have a sense of humor, but he tried not to let it show. It seemed that Heero was at least intelligent and generally tolerable company. "Some people in OZ wish to do away with soldiers."

"The dolls are an inferior system," Heero shrugged, turning to gaze out the window. They were not far from the moon and would be landing soon. "And there is discord within OZ."

Wu Fei nodded sharply, then sat back in his seat thoughtfully. "Treize is getting hungry for mortal combat. And the overconfident colonies will realize just how much stronger Treize is."

"I think that OZ may show its true hand soon," Heero agreed. "I only hope that we are in a position to do something about it when they do."

_o/ Cause these are the days worth living  
These are the years we're given  
And these are the moments  
These are the times  
Let's make the best out of our lives... /o_

* * *

_o/ Is there love, tonight  
When everyone's dreaming  
Well can we get it right?  
Yeah, well can we get it right? /o_

Quatre Winner stood in the dimly lit laboratory and stared up at the half-finished Gundam, hot tears pricking the edges of his eyes, hands curled into fists at his sides.

_How could everything go so wrong?!_

Taking a few steps forward, he climbed into the cockpit of the new Gundam, which the blueprints had code-named Zero and the system blinked to life around him.

_Pacifists are brutally murdered. Innocents are taking up arms. Kind people are shedding tears. No one understands them. _

"No one hears the voices gone hoarse crying for peace!" Quatre slammed a fist down on the controls and Zero's lights flickered orange and red as if in sympathy. Quatre wanted to give in and sleep because it felt like he had been exhausted for days and days on end, but every time he closed his eyes, all he could see in his mind's eye was the glaringly bright beams from the colony obliterating the resource satellite his father was on.

_OZ, the Alliance, the colonies… does everyone really want to live in a world ruled by war and fear?_

Zero's lights flashed again and Quatre laughed softly, running his hands gently over the smooth metal, petting the controls in front of him as if the mobile suit was a beloved pet. "I know…" he whispered. "There's no sense left to anything but us, dear Zero. Darlian, Noventa, Father… what did any of them do to deserve their fates? We have to exact justice."

Quatre watched, mesmerized by the rapid speed of the images flickering across Zero's monitors. "What's that, dear Zero? We have to make the best of a bad situation? We should protect space ourselves? Destroy _all_ the weapons?"

_Yes… space has lost all reason. We'll be the reason. We'll be the judgment._

_We'll destroy everything until there's nothing left for anyone to fight with or fight over._

_We'll end it._

o/ _And even if hope was shattered  
I know it wouldn't matter  
Cause these are the moments  
These are the times  
Let's make the best out of our lives /o_

* * *

**Up Next: Chapter 11 - Waiting on the World to Change**

* * *


	11. Ch 11 Waiting on the World

**Author's Notes:** I have a lot on my mind right now... thanks, as always, to my reviewers.

**Kaeru Shisho:** I'm really pleased that you enjoyed the expanding roles of Trowa & Quatre. I do have a certain hierarchy in mind with character PoV and the rate at which each character's story and personality unfolds.

**Sadie Woods:** It seems like you're as busy as I am right now with all the traveling and visiting! Glad to see you've returned safe and sound. I fully admit that I had so much fun writing about Duo's past. It was only a brief idea at first, but once I started telling the story, it all tumbled out and onto the page. I'm happy you liked Wu Fei - there is definitely more of him coming, but he takes a longer time to really unfold.

The next chapter features Quatre's return and the escape from the Lunar Base, but after that, the next few chapters will cover a lot of ground quickly, episode--wise , because there's not as much interaction between the different pilots aside from Heero & Quatre.

* * *

**Chapter 11 – Waiting On The World To Change (Episode 23)**

_o/ Me and all my friends  
We're all misunderstood  
They say we stand for nothing and  
There's no way we ever could  
Now we see everything that's going wrong  
With the world and those who lead it  
We just feel like we don't have the means  
To rise above and beat it /o_

Midway through the morning, several days after his voyage to the outside wall of the colony, Duo began to get restless again and decided it was time for the test. He'd promised Heero that he would get some rest before following the other pilot to the moon, but he didn't know how much longer he could stand to be idle.

Carefully locking the door to the apartment, the God of Death tip-toed down the hallway of the building and crept quietly into the stairwell, holding the door as it closed behind him until he heard the tiny click of it sliding back into place. He listened for a moment to be sure there wasn't anyone too close, but there were no footsteps. _Last thing I need is someone trying to help me if I do take a tumble. My face is still plastered all over the colony._

Taking a deep and slow breath, he eyed the flight of metal stairs stretched out before him in the dim and flickering light. _I can do this. I need to do this so I can get outta here._ Duo exhaled slowly and then took another breath, counting in his head as he ran down the flight of stairs. Down wasn't too bad, a little sore – but up was always the real challenge. Abrupt-facing at the bottom, he started the ascent, winching only once as he neared the very top. "Close e-fucking-nough," he muttered with a grim sort of smile, reaching one hand to scratch the back of his head.

The down-and-up test was something he'd devised so long ago that he couldn't even remember how it had started. It was definitely pre-Maxwell Church, and some days, remembering details about anything prior to that was difficult. But if he had made it down and up a flight of stairs without stopping, then he was recovered enough to start trying to look for a way to get to the moon.

_Heero took a civilian shuttle, but that's out of the question for me._ Duo pondered the dilemma as he crept back to the apartment to get the blue jacket, the baseball hat and a large pair of sunglasses. _If civilian is out, the two choices left are commercial or military._ Tucking his braid underneath the coat, Duo slipped on the rest of his disguise, jammed his hands in his pockets and headed for the space port.

There were plenty of public areas in the main spaceport, with all types of vessels coming and going, so it was easy for Duo to swipe a newspaper and a soda, seating himself in a large purple plush chair close enough to listen to the nearest T.V. report. Propping his feet up on the table in front of him, he crossed his arms behind his head with a sigh. _Commercial is such a pain in the ass because the entire cargo hold_ _has no air and hiding space is non-existent, but sneaking onto a military vessel is almost as stupid as trying to go civilian._ For someone so used to being able to run and hide, having the whole colony know his face was becoming increasingly annoying to Duo.

"Also, natural resources and parts have been transported from the plant colonies as we begin mobile suits production on the Lunar Plant, together with support from OZ. We no longer have to fear the possibility of an invasion. With Commander-in-Chief Treize and Colonel Une's help this will mark the beginning of a new era for outer space."

"What a bunch of crap," Duo muttered under his breath. _The colonies never needed to take up arms to protect peace until OZ made them think they should._ "They're the ones who planted the fear of war in everyone."

"That's not true." Duo looked over the tops of his sunglasses in surprise to peer at the petite girl with the dark hair who had interrupted his griping, but she continued before he could respond. "The colonies have suffered a history of humiliation. We aren't afraid of battles that will allow colony independence."

Her words startle to really ruffle him and he sat up, asking her sharply. "Who're you?"

Either unaware or unaffected by his tone, she straightened a little at the question. "My name is Hilde Schbeiker. I've volunteered my services from this colony."

It was obvious to Duo that she was proud of this fact and it was impossible for him to keep the scorn out of his voice. "So you're an OZ soldier."

This time she caught the disdain and frowned, feeling immediately defensive. "Anyone can be critical. The work of the colony's students speaks for itself. Our volunteer work at the Lunar Plant reflects our faith in OZ." She smiled at the other boy, wondering where he'd gotten such a misguided opinion from in the first place.

_What a smart-ass... is this really what the colony citizens think about OZ?_ _Have students really become soldiers overnight? _ "Huh…Is that so?" Duo wasn't even trying to keep the sarcasm out of his voice, but he was also starting to think that it might be easier to sneak aboard a military vessel than he'd thought. _So caught up in worshipping OZ and yet she hasn't recognized me yet._ "Then maybe I should apply, as well."

Hilde abruptly shoved an application right in front of his nose and Duo's eyes widened, his sunglasses slipping down his nose as he jumped a little. "The next military exam is in one week. Why don't you give it a try if you like?"

Duo watched her as she walked away, an idea formulating in his head. _Maybe not the brightest smart-ass ever, but definitely a confident one. _He had to give her a few points for pure guts. _"_Heh, Count on it; I'll be there." _Just much sooner than you think._

* * *

_o/ It's hard to beat the system  
When we're standing at a distance  
So we keep waiting  
Waiting on the world to change /o_

Duo struggled to control the mobile suit as he soared away from the colony, shots already firing behind him. _I was so fucking close…_ He'd been four steps away from boarding the military transport with his faked papers, but that girl had seen him and all hell had broken loose. _I can't take a mobile suit all the way to the damn moon! _"My goal is to destroy the Lunar Plant… but it's too far away!"

"Stop!"

A monitor popped up to reveal Hilde's furious face and Duo groaned to himself in annoyance. "It's her again!" _Now I know how Heero felt when that Relena chick wouldn't stop following him around!_

"If you retaliate, I'll have to kill you!"

_Yeah, right!_ The two mobile suits circled each other and Duo finally yelled back at her in frustration. "Warning shots are meaningless against inexperienced fighters!" If he even tried to fight her for real, he was worried he'd accidentally kill her.

Hearing the boy call her inexperienced only pissed Hilde off even more. _Who does he think he is?! This is exactly why we need soldiers to protect the colonies from garbage like him!_ "This one's for the peace of the colony!"

These words stunned Duo and he stopped firing back for a moment, simply evading her attacks instead. "I'm fighting for the peace of the colony as well." _This is cruel. Both of us want nothing more than peace, but she can't seem to see that OZ stands in the way of it._ _Can I only see through them now because what happened at the church stands out so clearly in my mind? _ How could he make her see the truth about OZ? "Hey, we're both fighting for the colonies!" he yelled at her over the monitor, still continuing to avoid her erratic attacks. "Then why are we enemies?!"

"Are you pleading for your life?!"

Hilde was clearly not listening to a word Duo was actually saying, as if she was as programmed as those damned mobile dolls. "I'm telling you!" Duo repeated insistently. "We aren't enemies!"

"I volunteered and pledged my loyalty. I'm prepared to die anytime!"

_That's not the first time I've heard that remark. Hell, it's probably come out of my own mouth._ Duo was beginning to have the bitter realization that such a line of thinking was not going to bring about peace, only more fighting. "You're so intense it makes me sick!

More shots were fired as several new mobile suits arrived to apprehend him, clearly giving no regard to Hilde even though she was their ally. "Hey! Get outta here!" Without even thinking about what he was doing, Duo moved to fling Hilde's mobile suit out of the way, forgetting that he wasn't piloting a Gundam.

The blast blew the leg off of the mobile suit he was piloting, sending Duo careening end over end and smacking his head hard against the controls in front of him. _Way to go, Maxwell…_

_/o Cause when they own the information, oh  
They can bend it all they want /o_

When Duo came to, he was alone in a small room lit by garish fluorescent lights that only made his headache worse. His hands were cuffed behind his back and he had no idea where he was, but no sooner had he looked around when the door opened and Hilde walked in, looking a cross between smug and curious.

"Duo Maxwell," she paused to make sure he knew that she knew who he was now. "Who would've thought you were a Gundam pilot?" She eyed the boy up and down, wondering how someone so nice-looking could have ended up being such a horrible thing as a Gundam pilot. _He can't be much older than me._ "Why did you save me?"

Duo raised an eyebrow, shifting uncomfortably on the chair. "What are you talking about?"

_Does he think I'm stupid? I know he pushed me out of the way._ "I'm prepared to sacrifice my life. I don't need sympathy from my enemies."

"Hilde, you say? What "enemies" do you mean?" Duo knew his words had confused her, but he'd really figured something out, fighting with her in space, and he'd always prided himself on telling the truth. The truth was usually the only way to go. "Since when is the colony an organization fighting a war?" He looked down for a moment, closing his eyes in thought. "When the Alliance came from Earth to attack the colonies, smiles disappeared from people's faces. I've been fighting to help give back those smiles. Then I come back to the colony, and guess what? People don't want their smiles back. Tell me something." Duo opened his eyes and met her surprised gaze with the utmost sincerity in his expression. "When did the colonies get so twisted?"

"Outer space is affected by the war on Earth," Hilde answered hesitantly, her hands trembling as she stared at Duo. _It's true, the colonies never had any need for weapons or soldiers before OZ came along._ "We can't just sit back and be taken over!" _But things are different now! _With shaking hands, Hilde raised and cocked her gun, pointing it at Duo's head, but he merely smiled as if it was exactly what he'd expected her to do. "This is outer space's decision."

_Heh, I can tell that I've shaken her up. Maybe she's finally starting to listen. _"Your bravery's commendable." _And now that I have her off-guard…_ "So where are you taking me?"

"To the Lunar Base," Hilde snapped back, still looking confused and upset. "You'll be questioned on the Gundam, among other things."

The more unraveled Hilde became, the more chill and confident Duo started to act. "Saves me a trip," he leaned forward a little, a knowing smile still on his face. "You know I'm planning to destroy the Lunar Base."

Incensed, Hilde shoved the gun right up against Duo's forehead, but he didn't even blink. "You don't stand a chance. Why don't you see me as an enemy? I won't let you destroy it."

_Poor misguided kid…_ "Hate to say this, but you don't have the skills to be my enemy," Duo responded quite nonchalantly. "So it's foolish for you to risk your life against me. But you remind me of how reckless I was when I went to Earth to fight all on my own." _I thought everything was so simple when I first went to Earth, but the longer this goes on, the more complicated everything gets. People like Hilde shouldn't be fighting in a war._

"Don't patronize me!"

"In fact, we're both foolish," Duo sighed, pretty sure by now that she didn't have what it took to shoot him right between the eyes. "A soldier can get killed at any time. We'll see many friends in the colony lose their lives." _Is that what you want? Is that what everyone in the colonies wants? Because that's what's gonna happen if OZ isn't stopped._ "Let's live our lives believing in the paths we've chosen. You've got to be at least that foolish to make it as a soldier."

Hilde lowered the gun, her hands shaking more than ever, and then she leaned in until she and Duo were almost nose to nose. "You're full of shit." She waited to see if Duo would respond, but when he didn't, she turned and stormed out of the room.

Their banter had given Duo more than enough time to slowly work his wrist out of one side of the handcuffs, after which the lock on the door was an easy pick. He had rigged an explosion in the third engine and made it down to the ship's hangar less than ten minutes after Hilde had left him, swinging the handcuffs around on one finger before finally tossing them aside. "And now, the getaway."

"Duo!"

_Un-fucking-believable._ This day seemed to be the annoying disaster that would not end. Duo popped his head out of the mobile suit to see Hilde standing in the doorway. "Hey, that was quick! You've got good instincts! I'm blowing up the hatch. Step back if you don't wanna get hurt." He disappeared back into the mobile suit, picking up a blaster and using it to obliterate the hatch. It wasn't until he was already out in space, careening crazily towards the moon, that Duo realized just how badly the suit had been damaged earlier.

"The mass balance device is busted! I'll get seasick!" The monitor beeped to show an approaching group of mobile dolls and he fired at them, but his mobile suit was spinning out of control, throwing off his aim. "Mobile dolls! Don't move!" _My chances are not looking good._ He tried to right the suit as the surface of the moon rose up in front of him and couldn't help mocking himself sarcastically. "I made it to the moon! That's ironic!"

Bracing for impact, Duo hit the ground hard, skidding across the dirt as the dolls were closing in. _What a botched mission._ "Am I washed up? Not too bad a job, if I do say so myself." _Goddamn mobile dolls. If it wasn't for those machines, I'd have made it all the way._ He placed his hands behind head his head in aggravation. "Hurry up and finish me off! I hate the thought of being killed by a machine!"

The monitors beeped again and Duo's hands came down as he stared at the screens in shock. Another mobile suit had come flying towards the dolls, shooting them down in rapid fire, and there was only one person it could be. "What?!" he snapped, punching a button to bring up a connection with the suit. "You fool! Give your code to prove you're an ally! You'll get killed!" How could this girl be sure he wasn't going to shoot her down immediately?!

Hilde pulled off her helmet with a small smile. _I know… I know he's right. I know what OZ is building at this facility; I've read the reports about their plans. _She'd turned a blind eye to so much since she'd joined up with OZ, trying to convinced herself that it was all for the betterment of the colonies. _But what he said… about smiles…about how things have changed... I've seen it happening all around me._ "I can't do that. There's no telling who my allies are anymore." Even knowing she'd lose, at best her job and at worst her life, Hilde finally felt like she was making the right move by blasting open the door to the Lunar base. "Duo. Hurry up and do what you want to accomplish!"

"Hilde…" This time, it was Duo who was surprised, and he hesitated for a moment.

"I decided to live out my life, believing in my chosen path," Hilde quoted his own words back to him.

_I can't let her sacrifice be in vain._ "Sorry, Hilde," he said apologetically. "This time I'm not bailing you out!"

"I told you, I'm already prepared to die!" The words were light and she knew he understood that they meant something much different now.

"Yeah, I remember. But Hilde! Just don't die in vain!" He used the last burst of propulsion to send his mobile suit flying towards the open door, hearing her last words echo before their line of communication was cut.

"Same goes for you, Duo."

_She's only one person…_ Duo thought as he climbed out of the mobile suit. _But even one more person working for peace is more than we had yesterday._

_o/ It's not that we don't care,  
We just know that the fight ain't fair  
So we keep on waiting  
Waiting on the world to change /o_

Slipping quietly through the halls, Duo debated about what to do next. He'd gotten himself to the Lunar Base, but he had no idea where Heero was or where the scientists were being held. It wasn't hard to hack into one of the computer terminals, pulling up a map of the base, which told him that all of the mobile suit laboratories were underground.

He ended up taking out a few soldiers on the way, but had managed to avoid tripping the main alarm. Still, he was careful when he busted through the main door into the first laboratory, rolling down a ramp with his gun still held at the ready. It was only when he saw his own Gundam towering before him that he stopped dead in shock, staring up at it in the darkness. "What the heck?"

"Who's there?" a voice called, and Duo tightened his grip on his weapon as a bright light suddenly blinded him.

"The God of Death," he snarled, ready for a fight. He thought the voice sounded familiar, but he wasn't entirely sure.

"That's four of them," the voice spoke again. "Are you here to kill us, too?" The sound of laughter filled the room as Duo's eyes adjusted to the light and he blinked in surprise.

"Long time, no see, Duo," Professor G lifted a hand in greeting.

"So it WAS you guys. Then those are…?! Duo trailed off, turning to look up again at the two Gundams with excitement. _If I had Deathscythe back…_

"That's right. They're new models," Professor G could see the look in Duo's eyes and he smiled. "Duo, how would you like to operate one?"

"When's it finished?" Duo could tell there were still pieces missing, though he was pretty sure it was at least functional already. _So if Heero didn't kill them…then where is he?_

"In one month. Make sure you live until it's finished. Then you'll have your chance in the spotlight." Voices and footsteps had started to echo in the hall outside and the scientists looked at each other in worry. "Duo, decide quickly. We can't let them find this place!"

_What choice do I even have? _There was no time to ask them about Heero or any of the other pilots. "I understand…" He dropped the gun, putting his hands up in the air, amused, annoyed, and exasperated all at the same time. "Okay, we'll do it your way. Hurry up and get started!" He already knew what was coming next, and his still healing rib pulsed painfully in protest.

"Would you do the honors?" Professor G gestured to the tallest man in the room.

"As much as I hate to…" Doktor S stepped forward, fisting a hand in the front of Duo's spacesuit before punching him hard in the face. "It wouldn't hurt as much if you screamed out loud."

Duo tried to offer a half-hearted smile, wondering why he always seemed to end up getting the shit kicked out of him. "Yeah. But I'm a real man." He waggled his eyebrows playfully, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, and one more hard punch to the gut had him nearly unconscious. _Damn, why did it have to be the rib again?!_

* * *

Neither Heero nor Wu Fei were particularly talkative, so they'd spent most of their time in captivity at the Lunar Base in silence. Currently, Heero was leaning against the wall with his eyes mostly closed, but he could see Wu Fei sitting several feet away, looking as if he might be meditating. He hadn't asked any questions about Wu Fei's past, as he didn't want to be asked any about his own, and found that he felt awkward because he couldn't think of much of anything to say. _Maybe I'm just used to how much Duo talks that the silence feels strange…_

As if the universe had read his mind, the door to the room they were being kept in suddenly swung open. Wu Fei's eyes snapped open, but neither he nor Heero moved or said a word as someone was thrown forcibly into the room and the door was slammed shut again. Barely conscious, Duo stumbled once and landed face down on the floor.

Heero forced himself not to act relieved or happy to see him, especially in front of the other pilot, and merely raised an eyebrow. _More liability if they think we're friends._ "Botched your mission? You couldn't destroy the base and you didn't kill Dr. J and the others." It was mostly guesswork, but he doubted he was far off the mark.

"Don't rub it in," Duo mumbled in response, recognizing Heero's voice immediately. _It's not as if you did a better job!_ "I'm still glad I decided to come here." He lifted his head to peer at Wu Fei and smiled weakly. "Good news. Your Gundam and mine are being rebuilt. I can hardly wait!"

Heero turned to nod towards Wu Fei, whose eyes had lit up at Duo's news. "Looks like OZ will be keeping us alive for the time." His gaze shifted back to Duo and he noted the dark bruise already forming on the other boy's cheek. "It's a good chance, so don't die yet." Heero remembered quite well what their previous parting words had been and was sure Duo did as well.

"Don't worry about me! I don't plan on dying that easily…" Duo paused for a soft chuckle and then groaned as his own laughter made his poor rib feel like it was on fire. "There's the colonies to fight for. Just watch. I'll be the God of Death again! I will!" His vision was blurring, but now that he was here with Heero and Wu Fei, he didn't mind as much. "Well… good night…"

There was a long moment of silence before Wu Fei sat down and leaned against the wall on the opposite side of the room. "It's the truth? About the Gundams?" Despite the choice of words between the other two pilots, Wu Fei could tell from the amount Heero had said and the tone of his voice that the two were at the very least acquaintances, more so than he was with either one.

"Duo never lies," Heero responded immediately in defense, then paused as Wu Fei raised an eyebrow at him. "If he says the suits are being rebuilt, then they are. He must have run into the scientists before being caught."

"If you say so."

Heero watched as Wu Fei closed his eyes and waited a long time until the other boy's breathing evened out. He wasn't absolutely sure that the Chinese pilot was asleep, but he had no idea how long they'd be kept in this room, so he wasn't likely to get a better opportunity. He hadn't been able to find any cameras in the room, but he wasn't convinced that it wasn't bugged. Carefully sliding down the few steps until he was next to Duo's prone form, Heero nudged the other boy lightly in the arm with the toe of his sneaker. "Duo?"

Duo mumbled something incoherent in response, so Heero reached out as best he could in the obnoxious elbow length cuffs and rolled Duo over until his head was resting on Heero's leg. Leaning over him until they were nearly nose to nose, he whispered again. "Duo?"

This time, Duo's eyes slowly slid open and he blinked up at Heero in confusion, obviously still dazed. "I made it to the moon," he mumbled, a slow and satisfied smile creeping onto his face.

Heero rolled his eyes and withdrew a little bit. "If you were supposed to be recovering, then how is it you've shown up here looking _worse_ for the wear than when I left you?" Truthfully, he was concerned with the obvious beating Duo had taken before being dumped into the room with them, but also curious as to what had happened with the scientists.

"Had to cover for them," Duo said, shifting a little until his head was fully in Heero's lap, looking up at him with quickly sharpening awareness. "When I found the Gundams, I mean. Long story as to how I got here, but some other time. How about you?" He started to try and reach his arms behind his head, but between the cuffs and laying across Heero's lap, he wasn't having much luck.

"Had every intention of taking them out, but the plans had to be adjusted…" Heero paused, tilting his head in confusion at Duo's gestures. "What are you trying to do?"

Duo blew his bangs out of his face in frustration as he gave up his wiggling. "In the base of my braid, underneath, there's a pin…" _He's being avoidant, the way he's answering me._ "Why an adjustment?"

Heero leaned in closer to whisper straight into Duo's ear, carefully sliding his locked hands underneath the coil of braid in his lap to try and find the pin. "Trowa's here… couldn't kill his cover." Withdrawing the pin, he held the tiny, sparkly metal star up in front of his face and couldn't help but smirk. "Why…?"

"Just give it to me, Yuy," Duo mock glared at him. "No, not in my hands – stick the damn star in my mouth." _So he's steamed that Trowa got in the way._

Heero's smirk widened to an almost-grin, but he did as asked, carefully sticking the star between Duo's lips until the other boy grasped it with his teeth. He then sat there in surprise as Duo lifted his hands to his mouth, deftly inserting the end of the bobby pin into the keyhole. _I thought these things were completely un-pickable._

"Score!" Duo hissed as the lock popped open, freeing his hands. He instantly slipped the hair pin into his jacket pocket, beside the photograph, where he could access it without help next time, then folded his arms behind his head – still in Heero's lap – and grinned up at him triumphantly.

"Notably impressed," Heero replied with a quick shake of his head. "But I'd put them back on and save it for when it counts."

"Counts now…" Duo drawled softly, reaching one hand up to playfully tug a lock of Heero's messy hair. _Wrong time, wrong place… but I just can't help myself._

"Don't – the room might be bugged."

"And?"

"It's a liability."

"A liability?" Duo couldn't tear his eyes from Heero's face as the other pilot briefly scanned the room, searching once again for some sign that they were being observed.

"Any perceived friendship between us is a weakness Oz can exploit." Heero tried to avoid meeting Duo's intense indigo eyes, because he knew the expression on his face would be that same teasingly cocky grin the braided boy had had right before asking Heero _"do you want me?"_ on that night he couldn't seem to forget. Heero was glad the relative darkness of the room obscured the heat rising in his cheeks.

"I'll take my chances." Duo reached up with both hands to wind his fingers into Heero's hair, pulling the other boy down as he leaned up to crush their mouths together. _Can't cure a reckless soul…_ At first, Heero tried to deny him, but Duo nipped sharply at Heero's bottom lip until the other boy finally gave in. Curling one hand around the back of Duo's neck, Heero kissed him so intensely that Duo's breath caught in his throat as if he'd had the wind knocked out of him again.

After a moment, though, Heero broke the kiss, turning his face away with one whispered word, his entire body tense. "Enough."

_No, I'm beginning to think it'll never be enough…_ Pleased that he'd gotten what he wanted, if only for a moment, Duo sat up, stretching his arms above his head with a huge yawn. "So the only one who's not here is Quatre," he said softly, shifting topics quickly as if nothing had happened and noticing the tightness drop out of Heero's shoulders in response.

"Presumed alive, but MIA," he responded as Duo moved to sit beside him. He could feel the warmth radiating off of the other boy's body at this close proximity, but tried to shove the thought from his mind. "Trowa tries to keep us up to date as best he can, but for now, all we can do is wait."

Duo sighed, pulling his braid into his lap and curling it around his hand in impatient habit. "Could be a month til Deathscythe's ready."

Heero shook his head and frowned, leaning to rest his elbows on his knees. "There's unrest within Oz. I don't think we'll be sitting around for much longer."

"Intuition?"

"Just a hunch." There was a moment of silence until Heero nudged Duo with one elbow. "I should let you get some sleep. And put those cuffs back on."

"Yeah, yeah…" Duo grumbled, but he did as suggested, clicking the cuffs back into place and sprawling out on one of the steps. It was a lot less painful than sitting up, but he wasn't going to admit that to Heero. _What can we do besides wait… _Duo didn't think he'd be able to get any rest in this place, but with Heero's familiar presence beside him, it wasn't long before sleep claimed him.

_  
o/ One day our generation  
Is gonna rule the population  
So we keep on waiting  
Waiting on the world to change /o_

* * *

**Up Next: Chapter 12 - Hold On  
**

* * *


	12. Ch 12 Hold On

**Author's Notes:** This chapter ends up parting the group for awhile, with the exception of Heero and Quatre. I remember watching these episodes for the first time and I hope I've captured even a shred of the emotion I feel is present. Thanks, as always, to my faithfully reviewing friends:

**Kaeru Shisho:** Having you tell me that this version is a "much better" take on our dear boys' relationships is one of the best compliments I've received so far! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

**snowdragonct: **I do love my Heero and Duo reunions! The real story is always my framework, some places just have bigger, fatter holes to fill.

**Sadie Woods: **I'm so happy that you liked Hilde! It won't be the last you see of her either. I have to write Duo with mad skillz - he survived growing up on the streets of L2, after all. Each of the pilots have their own special gifts.

We'll follow Heero and Quatre in the next chapter and soon get to know a few other familiar faces... thanks for reading!

* * *

**Chapter 12 – Hold On (Episodes 24 & 25)**

_o/ This world  
This world is cold  
But you don't  
You don't have to go /o  
_

Trowa was deeply grateful to the universe that he wasn't on duty when the news came in that an unidentified Gundam was threatening a colony. He overheard the buzz while eating lunch in the Lunar Base's poor excuse for a mess hall as a few men came in off of their shift. _It's Quatre. It has to be. _He listened for long enough to hear the word "Sandrock" mentioned and it was a struggle to finish his lunch before walking calmly out of the room. Since it was not a safe time of day to visit the other pilots, he went to see the group of scientists instead.

Chaos was already building all around the base by the time Trowa casually leaned against the wall outside their cell. After Duo's break-in, one of Lady Une's subordinates had confined the group of men here until her return, not sure how much they did or didn't have to do with the breach in security.

"Glad you decided to stop by," Dr. J muttered through the bars, obviously displeased with their current situation. "Something's going on."

Professor G appeared behind Dr. J with an equally perturbed expression. "They're sure panicking."

"An unidentified Gundam has declared its plans to destroy a colony," Trowa started and was immediately cut off by Dr. J.

"Unidentified?"

"Yes, it's a new model."

"What about its specs and weapons? Don't you have any detailed information?"

"They know it's associated with the Gundam 04, Sandrock…"

"Is it Quatre?" Instructor H asked a little bit anxiously from behind the other two.

"Could be…" _There's no else it could be in my mind._ "The other thing is that it has the power to wipe out a natural resource satellite. I'll go confirm what they know."

* * *

"Things are quickly spiraling out of control," Trowa muttered, glancing up and down the hallway. "I have only a few minutes before I need to collect Heero. The crews are already readying the Mercurius and Vayeate so that we can go after Quatre."

"We started to think you weren't returning," Dr. J responded, obvious curiosity in his eyes. Behind him, several of the other scientists were huddled around a computer, frantically at work on something Trowa couldn't see.

"Lady Une has not returned yet and I needed to prevent some of her subordinates from attacking Space Colony D 120, the last United Earth Sphere Alliance command station. Taking over the defenseless colonies would be like twisting a baby's arm, but I know that isn't what she wants. It's quickly becoming obvious that there is a growing division in OZ centered around the Romefeller Foundation and the argument about the use of the mobile dolls."

"Machines, not real soldiers," Master O interrupted, walking up to the bars to stand beside Dr. J. "We're well aware that OZ is building a mobile doll factory at this base with plans to take over the Earth by force."

"They won't take over the colonies, not if they don't need to…" Trowa shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest in frustration. "OZ isn't controlling them by force, but recommending they join a nation of the colonies. They're exploiting them for resources and man power, while making them think it's freedom."

"We still believe in justice," Master O said firmly, reaching through the bars to tap Trowa's shoulder. "Give this to the other two when you go to retrieve Yuy."

Master O was holding a small device between two fingers, which he dropped into Trowa's open hand. It was small enough to wrap his entire hand around it for easy concealment. "Of course…" Trowa paused for a moment with the sudden realization of how much was hanging on his shoulders at that moment. "If Quatre's new Gundam is strong… alongside Mercurius and Vayeate, with the addition of the rebuilt Deathscythe and Shenlong…we could…"

"Get to Quatre first," Instructor H spoke up, worry lines creasing his brow. "Before you make any other decisions." It seemed as if he wanted to say more, but a quick look from Dr. J kept him silent.

Trowa was certain that some piece of information was being left out, but he was already out of time. "I am sure that Quatre already has a plan," Trowa stated confidently. _Working together, this will be the end of OZ. _He nodded to the group of scientists and headed for the room that the other pilots were being held in. A security team was already waiting for him, and he followed the two soldiers into the room, trying to catch the eyes of Wu Fei or Duo. _Come on, I need one of you to connect…_

"Get out, No. 1," one of the soldiers snapped, gesturing rudely.

Duo stood up, approaching the soldier angrily and completely missing Trowa's expression. "Why him again? I'm a better pilot than No. 1! Let me in on the next battle!"

" Not in your shape," Trowa stepped forward, meeting Duo's eyes and looking him up and down with an overly haughty expression. _Can I get him to throw a punch at me? That would be enough contact… _"Even a Gundam pilot might get himself killed this time. Because you're up against a Gundam."

"What?" Wu Fei snapped, jumping up and glaring at Trowa in suspicious disbelief.

"Apparently it's a new model," Trowa kept his eyes on Duo, but noticed Heero get to his feet out of the corner of his eye. "He wiped out a whole OZ division with just one suit."

_This doesn't sound good at all._ "What are its specs and weapons?" Heero asked, glancing at Duo's troubled expression and Wu Fei's mistrusting gaze.

"No wonder you're a secret agent," Trowa nearly sneered at Heero. "The engineers asked the same questions."

Heero saw right through Trowa's act, but could also tell that the other pilot didn't think this mission would actually be any trouble at all. Heero wasn't sure he had that same confidence. _Something feels off._ "Okay, let's go," he finally relented, taking a step forward. "With the red one, Mercurius, this should be quite a fight."

Trowa's eyes flickered over to Duo as Heero was speaking, letting his expression soften a little. He didn't know Duo very well at all, but from the way he and Quatre had fought together in Singapore, trying to send a message of unity to the pilots, he felt certain that the braided boy had to be perceptive. When Trowa spoke again, his words were directed at Heero, but his eyes were still on Duo. "You're coming, like it or not," he snapped.

"So you'll just stand back and watch as two Gundam pilots fight!" Duo swaggered in Trowa's direction, just barely catching the slight nod of the brunette's head at his actions. _He's too over the top; not at all the way Quatre or Heero described him. What is he trying to tell me?_ He'd run so many stings with Solo and other friends growing up that reading in between the lines was a natural ability for Duo, and he decided the best option was to match Trowa's over the top performance with one of his own. Turning to Heero, he summoned up every bit of the street rat in him as he yelled. "Hey, No. 1! Don't do it!" He turned to glare maliciously at Trowa. "It's probably a suit performance test! Don't help them out!"

Trowa took the opportunity for what it was and stepped forward to punch Duo hard in the gut as "punishment" for his behavior and even without their eyes meeting, the hand-off of the device happened so smoothly that Trowa was sure that the soldiers hadn't seen it. "You guys keep quiet," he muttered, stepping back and waiting for Duo to meet his eyes again. "You'll get your turn eventually." Turning quickly, he walked out of the room with Heero right on his heels.

Heero had caught the lightning-fast hand-off during Trowa and Duo's melodramatic fight scene, but he couldn't question it until they were alone, pulling on their spacesuits in preparation for their departure. "Nice bit of role-play back there," he finally poked at Trowa.

The green-eyed boy glanced around to be sure that no way was close enough to hear or see them clearly before smiling a little and dropping some of the mask of the hard-ass soldier. "Lucky I had such a dramatically talented partner."

Heero raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth as if to protest, but found it wasn't the compliment to Duo as much as Trowa's choice of words that bothered him. "…yes." He glanced away and tried to appear busy with his zipper.

Trowa looked up from zipping his own space suit to catch Heero's awkward expression and bit back a chuckle. _Is there something going on between those two?_ Deciding it would probably be wiser and safer not to tease the other pilot, Trowa composed himself and decided to answer the obvious unasked question. "I handed him a tiny projector with schematics for the new mobile suits."

Heero nodded and then followed Trowa into the hangar, deciding that the other boy hadn't meant anything by the odd comment. "This new suit is really confirmed to be a Gundam?"

"Yes," he replied. "I think the opportunity has finally arrived." Not wanting to say anything more revealing in the presence of other soldiers, Trowa waited until their shuttle had taken them outside the Lunar base to the boarding platform for their mobile suits.

"What's this?" Heero asked as they carefully maneuvered from the shuttle to the large metal platform. They were alone again, now that they were out in open space. The rest of the team going with them was already loaded into their suits and carriers.

"The carrier for the Vayeate and Mercurius," Trowa answered as he climbed toward Vayeate. Now that they were preparing to depart, he actually felt a little bit excited about his plans. Once _we reunite with Quatre,_ _this will be the beginning of the end for OZ._ "We've got these two. And Duo and Wu Fei's Gundams have been upgraded." As he started to talk, his words got faster and faster, leaving no room for Heero to interject. "I'm sure the pilot of the new Gundam is Quatre. The time may have come. Once we join up with Quatre, we'll attack OZ!"

Heero was not at all convinced, despite the fact that he'd heard nothing but glowing praise from Duo regarding Quatre, and thought that Trowa seemed almost enamored with him. The scenario wasn't adding up to Heero at all, not with what he'd heard regarding the Gundam's intent to destroy a colony. "How do you know he's our ally? Assumptions lead to mistakes."

He was inside Mercurius now and Trowa's face popped up on the monitor, looking almost disapproving, but Heero continued. "Besides, we're piloting OZ's mobile suits. We may be forced to battle with him." Trowa opened his mouth to interrupt, but Heero shook his head sharply. "If he's a strong ally we might have the force needed to fight OZ. But if his Gundam is lacking in power we'll end up destroying it!" _I want you to be right, Trowa, but I don't have a good feeling about this right now._ "It'd be more advantageous for you to keep hiding within OZ until you can defeat Treize."

Trowa relaxed a little bit as he realized that Heero was just being his usual self and presenting all sides to the situation. Heero also hadn't missed the exchange Trowa had had with Duo. _I get the feeling he backed down the day he came to destroy the new suits because he's always known I was undercover._ "You knew."

Heero shrugged a little, as if it should be obvious that he'd known all along. "Either way, we'll know after this battle."

"You're right," Trowa answered. The monitor closed down and he settled in for a long wait, knowing it would be hours before they arrived at the area that Quatre's Gundam had last been spotted.

* * *

_o/ Your days  
You say they're way too long  
And your nights  
You can't sleep at all  
Hold on /o_

Heero didn't really sleep on the journey towards the new Gundam, too caught up in his thoughts about what was about to happen. He couldn't believe that any of the five Gundam pilots would destroy the colonies they were supposed to be protecting and it left him feeling deeply unsettled. He was actually relieved when the monitors started beeping to warn of their impending arrival and immediately afterwards, Trowa's face popped up on a monitor.

"You're awake."

"Are we there?" Heero asked. "That was quick."

"Our destination just changed," Trowa answered, hesitating a moment before adding. "We were too late to save that colony."

"Was it him?"

Trowa was slow to answer. "Yeah." He paused again, coming to a decision. "He said he'd be destroying a colony in this area next. This carrier sticks out. We'll proceed in the mobile suits." He keyed in the controls to release the two suits from the frame of the carrier. "Our objective is to find out how powerful the Gundam is. We'll fight only if necessary. Got it?" When Heero didn't answer him, Trowa felt compelled to say more, but he wasn't sure if he was trying to convince Heero or himself. "It's Quatre we're up against. So we don't need to worry."

"Trowa, be cautious," Heero finally warned. "Something isn't right."

_No. I know the reports say Quatre destroyed a colony, but he must have had a good reason. _ _He's always believed in the five of us working together to protect the colonies in the name of peace._ "What's the matter?"

"Remember, he just destroyed a colony," Heero cautioned. Trowa didn't respond, but as they approached the colony, he gave the order for Heero split off and guard the opposite side, as they did not know exactly where it would emerge.

Trowa waited patiently as several soldiers entered the colony to determine the new suit's location, but lost communication almost immediately. "Three suits in the colony are down," one of the soldiers came over Trowa's monitors, sounding quite fearful. "The Gundam's coming out!"

_Finally…_ "Quatre, go ahead," he said softly, his eyes trained on the new mobile suit as it appeared. "Show me what that Gundam can do!" He fired a warning shot, which the other pilot avoided before proceeding to vaporize everything in the vicinity besides Trowa with an extremely powerful beam cannon. "So this is the new Gundam," Trowa grinned to himself in excitement, then whispered. "Heero, there's no worry. This Gundam is unparalleled!" He flipped a switch on his controls as he was flying towards the other suit. "Quatre, this is Trowa. Do you read me, Quatre?"

"I read you, Trowa." Quatre's face popped up on the monitor, his eyes glassy and unfocused. His voice was dull and flat, with none of his usual sincerity or emotiveness. "Don't come any closer, Trowa." Completely ignoring Quatre's request, Trowa moved in closer. He smiled kindly at the other boy over the monitor and opened his mouth to speak, but Quatre cut him off, furious. "What did I just say?! Don't get any closer!" Angrily, he slapped at the controls, nailing Trowa with a blast from the beam cannon that instantly vaporized half of Vayeate.

Trowa was nearly blinded by the light from the beam cannon, the entire mobile suit shuddering violently around him. His head knocked hard against the back of his seat and he let go of the controls for a moment, completely stunned. _Quatre… Quatre just… hit me? _Taking a shaky breath, he reached to move a piece of metal out of his face. The monitors, some of which were winking in and out with crackles of electricity, told him that half of Vayeate was gone - the propulsion was mostly shot and the long-range communication system was down. He couldn't confirm it, but he was probably also leaking what little fuel was left, leaving him completely vulnerable to an explosion. _Something is wrong with Quatre…_ He took a deep breath and tried to keep his voice calm and steady. "What's going on?"

"Trowa.," Quatre pronounced his name slowly, completely unaffected by what he'd just done. "Outer space has gone mad, so I'll destroy it all. I must destroy all the weapons that have accumulated here." He paused, regretful for a moment, but it took only Zero's reminder about what they had done to his father to re-ignite his need for revenge and blot out the regret. "The colonies are becoming armed, right? That's why the colonies must also be destroyed!"

_This isn't happening…_ The pilot talking to him now was nothing like the boy he'd first met at all, nothing of the kind soul and brave heart that had inspired him. What had happened to cause this change? Trowa felt crushed in more ways than one. "What's the matter, Quatre?" he grimaced in pain, leaning towards the monitor. "This isn't like you." _Snap out of it!_

Quatre's voice remained flat and almost robotic. "Tell the others for me. Tell them to stay away. Otherwise… I'll kill them." Zero's monitors started to beep frantically, warning him of another approaching mobile suit and Heero's stony expression popped up on the monitor. _Yes, Zero, I know… I can't let him get in the way… _"I'm telling you not to get any closer!" Quatre fired on the approaching mobile suit, which easily deflected his attacks.

Heero had missed the beginning of the exchange between Trowa and Quatre, but pieced together enough to let him know that Quatre had attacked Trowa. _It's as I thought… something is not right with Quatre._ "Is that all you've got to say?!"

How could this happen? First the colonies had turned on the Gundams, and now a Gundam was turning on the colonies?! Old words floated through Heero's mind, conflicting with his feelings. _–Don't worry about the colonies. Destroy them first. That's your responsibility--_ He'd repeated that to himself so many times, but each time it seemed harder to swallow. _Who am I even supposed to destroy? Who am I supposed to protect?_ Heero pulled out his beam saber at the same moment as Quatre and ground his teeth hard. "If everything has gone mad then I'll just fight, believing in myself." _I can't let him blow up another colony._ "Quatre, I'm going to kill you."

There was no response from Wing Zero besides a direct attack, and the two pilots parried back and forth, locking beam sabers and shooting at each other. As they retreated momentarily and Heero activated Mercurius' shield, he could already tell that Quatre's mobile suit was far superior. Even disarming him wasn't any help, as Quatre continued to shoot at Heero until the shield began to give. "The shield won't hold much longer." On the monitor, Trowa's eyes were closed and Heero wasn't certain that he was still conscious. _Vayeate could blow at any moment…_ Quatre's monitor popped up again and though his eyes were still glassy, he looked far more distressed than before.

"Heero… why are we fighting each other?" Quatre paused momentarily, but Heero didn't answer him. _I don't want Heero to be my enemy either, Zero. _"The colonies have teamed up with OZ. The colonies are my enemies. They're your enemies now too, Trowa and Heero." The more he spoke, the more confused and dramatic he sounded. "People in space have lost all reason. That's why I'm gonna destroy everything. That's natural isn't it, Heero?"

_I might agree that people in space have lost reason, but that doesn't automatically make them my enemies._ Refusing to answer Quatre's statements, Heero simply attacked again, not surprised when Quatre used the beam cannon to deflect him.

"You'll die, Heero," Quatre started, then stopped. All he could see in his mind was Zero's images of destruction, the deaths of Trowa, Heero, the obliteration of all the colonies… _I'm confused… I don't want to hurt the other pilots…_ "But I don't want to defeat my allies," he added desperately, torn between his own feelings and the powerful mobile suit system driving him to hallucinations. "Please Heero, get away from here. Are you listening to me?!"

"Quatre. I'm not leaving," Heero positioned himself between Wing Zero and the colony with determination. _I'll defend until he kills me._ "Here's a colony that needs to be defended."

The next beam cannon blast hit Heero dead on, throwing him backwards so hard that his mobile suit drove a hole into the side of the colony. His helmet cracked and he pulled it off, blinking away the stars in his eyes from the severity of the impact, but not bothering to wipe the line of blood trickling down his forehead. Shaking the blow off, he dropped the helmet on the floor beside his feet and gripped the controls again, slowly maneuvering Mercurius out of the hole as Wing Zero flew in closer.

Quatre studied the depth of the hole in the side of the colony, but he already knew that injuring the other boy would not be enough to get him to back down. "I'd ask you to get out of your mobile suit," he started, trying to remain calm. "But you wouldn't. So I'll just have to kill you."

Heero was pretty damn pissed off at this point and glared at Quatre over the monitor. _What the hell is wrong with him? What the hell is wrong with everyone?! _ "Then get it over with," he snapped. "I won't sit here and gab with an enemy." _I've failed this mission._

"Sayonara, Heero." Quatre's heart tightened painfully in his chest as he aimed the beam cannon to deliver a final blow. _Zero… why? Why does it have to be this way?_

Silently watching the entire scene unfold through half-lidded eyes, Trowa had found himself sadly pushed to a conclusion he had not expected to reach. He understood Heero's frustrations with the swapping sides and Quatre's rage towards the injustice of it all, and yet, the world was continuing onward without them, it seemed. _Why are we fighting each other? Why are we fighting any of what's happening?_

Even knowing it would probably result in his death, Trowa couldn't stand to see someone he'd come to care for about to destroy someone else he cared for. Curling his hand into a fist, he slammed hard on the controls and Vayeate sputtered into life again, coming between the warring pilots just in time. "Quatre… Why don't you realize what a big mistake you're making?"

"Trowa!" Quatre cried out, letting go of his controls and gazing at the viewscreen in horror as the blast engulfed him.

"This battle is unnecessary." Trowa leaned towards the monitor with a sad smile, but everything was crackling and sparking so badly that his monitors were barely functioning.

It took Heero only a second to recover from Trowa's save before he was soaring out of the hole in the colony. It was far too easy to knock the beam saber out of Wing Zero's hand, and over the monitor, it seemed to Heero that Quatre was definitely losing it. The blond pilot looked stricken and near tears and… _real_, for the first time since they'd come face to face. Heero didn't know what that meant, but he couldn't be sure that Quatre wasn't about to attack them again. _If I can use this distraction to disable Quatre…_

Trowa directed Vayeate away from the colony and his friends, shaking his head to clear his vision, but he knew that the growing black around the edges wasn't a good sign at all. "Well. It's the end of the line."

Quatre sat frozen inside Wing Zero, afraid to even touch the controls again. Somehow, someway, nearly killing Trowa had overridden Zero's battle-driven hallucinations and brought him back to himself. The blond pilot was disoriented and horrified, knowing he had hurt his friend but not even sure how it had happened. "Trowa!" he yelled, his voice choking up with tears. _What have I done?!_

Without the controls in his hands, Heero's tackle took Quatre by surprise, sending them careening towards the hole he'd already made in the colony. "No, Heero!" he screamed over the monitor at the other pilot frantically. "Save Trowa!" With shaking hands, he grasped the controls again, but the weight of Mercurius was too much to break free from so easily and the pair of mobile suits went crashing even deeper into the hole, straight into the colony's docking bays. "Trowa!!"

_o/ You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely, and no one seems to care  
But we all bleed the same way as you do  
And we all have the same things to go through /o_

Quatre's hysterical cries burned a hole straight into Trowa's soul, but he could do nothing but try and get as far away from the other two as possible. _Please be well, Quatre… they need you so much._ "Quatre. It doesn't matter how the colonies and OZ teamed up. We have to keep in mind that it marks the end to a war. It also means our missions have come to an end. It's too bad that the colonies we've been fighting for have changed their perspectives. But that's what happens in wars. We've got to accept that..."

Trowa paused for a moment as all of his monitors went dark, but then took a breath and continued speaking. He was certain that Quatre could still hear him. "The only question is what happens to the soldiers. What happens within our hearts. With us Gundam pilots, we were trained to be too perfect as soldiers. When you put everything into a battle you start to think you can change the times by yourself. Quatre, you're not the only one who feels that way. We all do."

Inside Wing Zero, still tangled with Heero's Mercurius, Quatre pulled off his helmet, blinking furiously as tears rolled down his cheeks. Trowa's monitor had gone dark, but the audio was still working and Quatre felt as if that voice was wrapping around him and trying to soothe away everything horrible that had happened.

"But the kinder you are, the bigger toll it takes on you. We have to fight with ourselves, within our hearts. And we have to be strict to come to the right conclusions. Even if it means our battles to date are meaningless. We have to acknowledge the facts... The five of us have become redundant soldiers. So Quatre, let's accept it. Turn back into the kind guy you once were. I just hope something triggers you to calm down. Something triggers you…"

"Trowa!!"

As Vayeate exploded in a golden-orange fireball, Heero dragged the struggling Quatre further inside the docking bay until they were through the airlock and inside the colony.

"Heero, let me go!! Trowa's gonna die!!"

Heero had no name for the mix of emotions boiling in him as the docking bay doors shut away the sight of Vayeate exploding and he didn't think about his words at all as he snapped numbly at Quatre. "Yeah, and you killed him." _Trowa… Trowa, do you really think we've become redundant? Are we now the ones standing in the way?_

"Heero…" Quatre could easily sense the despair in the other pilot and he couldn't help but blame himself for it.

At hearing the other pilot's voice, Heero weakly tried to attack with his beam saber, but Quatre deflected it. "You've gone crazy. I'll kill you." Everything was starting to spin from the earlier impact he'd received and Heero growled to himself under his breath.

"Well, hurry and kill me. Then go and rescue Trowa!" Quatre yelled at him, but it was without venom. He knew they were far too late to help Trowa now.

"Pretty halfhearted way to fight! I guess Trowa's death was just a waste!" The arm blew off the side of the Mercurius and the suit collapsed to the ground as Heero let go of the controls. "Quatre… I'm… gonna… kill you!"

Quatre watched over the monitor as Heero's eyes closed and he slumped to the side in his seat, unconscious. His heart pounded in fear. "Heero!" he yelled. "HEERO!!"

_o/ Hold on if you feel like letting go  
Hold on it gets better than you know  
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer  
Don't stop searching, it's not over  
Hold on if you feel like letting go  
Hold on it gets better than you know  
Hold on /o_

* * *

At the end of the hallway, Heero could see a large, steel door and he knew with utmost certainty that he had to open it or he'd regret it forever.

* * *

"Don't help them out!" Duo yelled at Heero. He braced himself as Trowa stepped forward, but was surprised when, in the last second, the other boy pulled the punch. Still, Duo grabbed his stomach and doubled over to make it look as realistically painful as possible while still giving Trowa a moment to slip a small object into his hand.

"You guys keep quiet," Trowa muttered, stepping back and waiting until Duo met his eyes. "You'll get your turn eventually."

_Hah, you fucking bet I will!_ Duo waited until Heero had followed Trowa and the door had slammed shut behind them before groaning. "Argh…"

Wu Fei walked quickly away from Duo, a displeased expression on his face. "That was no act," he growled, his back to Duo. "He might have betrayed us."

Realizing that their act had actually fooled Wu Fei, Duo could not keep the smug expression off of his face as he straightened up. "We don't need to worry about that," he peered at the small device, then tossed it from one hand to the other. "We can trust him."

"How do you know?"

Finding the switch to turn the device on, Duo shined the light of the tiny projection system on the wall in front of him with a satisfied chuckle. The image showed a full-body view of both of their new Gundams. "Because a traitor wouldn't bring us a gift like this." _I knew I could trust Heero's judgment of Trowa… what an interesting guy._

"Hey!" Wu Fei turned to look first at Duo and then at the projection, complete surprise obvious on his face. _That was quite an act those two put on._ Before Wu Fei could say anything else, Trowa's voice came out of the tiny device.

"Duo Maxwell and Wu Fei Chang. Master O gave me this. Use it to kill time."

"What a guy…" Wu Fei murmured, impressed that Trowa had risked his cover to help them out.

Duo glanced over at Wu Fei, still a little bit playfully smug. "See?"

Huffing a little bit, Wu Fei gestured for Duo to continue and sat down on the floor, one leg out in front and one knee tucked under his arm. "Yes, I see. He's obviously not a traitor."

"Can't judge a book by its cover," Duo remarked cheerfully, sitting down on the stairs and clicking the button to bring up the next image. Duo was feeling decidedly more optimistic than he had in quite awhile as he flipped through image after image detailing all of the new features in their mobile suit upgrades. _That unidentified Gundam has got to be Quatre… and he always has a plan!_ "This is pretty awesome." He turned the projector off, tossing it back and forth in his hands again excitedly. "I hear it'll be completed in one month. Now that Quatre is back, we're going to be busy again."

Trying to memorize the controls of his new Gundam from staring at schematics, Wu Fei closed his eyes against Duo's babble and tried to keep his temper in check. _Does he ever stop talking?_ "I won't consider an unconfirmed Gundam an ally."

"But the Gundam is defeating OZ's troops," Duo protested, not bothering to mention how much he was certain it was Quatre or how much he had faith in Quatre. _Does he_ _always take the pessimistic viewpoint?_

"It's gotta be an ally."

Relenting just a little, Wu Fei shrugged. "I certainly hope so… But I've got a bad feeling."

"Well, I…" Duo paused to gesture to himself for emphasis. "I have a good feeling. This is the beginning of our comeback! We're finally going to hand it to those OZ fuckers and--"

The rest of Duo's sentence was drowned out by a loud series of whirring and clicking noises and the two pilots looked at each other in confusion. Wu Fei jumped up immediately, craning his neck to look up to the ceiling where the ventilation fans were positioned. "I believe the air circulation system has been terminated."

"…what?" Duo was pretty sure he knew what Wu Fei was saying, but didn't want to believe it.

"Those fans have been running constantly since we arrived," Wu Fei added, his brows furrowing as he sat down on the step beside Duo. "Someone is attempting to kill us quietly."

Duo's eyes went wide, his mouth opening into a large "O" shape, and then he shook his head so hard that his swinging braid nearly clipped Wu Fei in the face. "No! Why?! Why would they do that out of the blue? It doesn't make any sense!" _Not now, not when we're so close!_ Duo didn't want to believe it, but the room they were in was small and they weren't on Earth or inside a colony – they were on the moon! Without a constant replenishing air supply, they wouldn't have long to live.

"Calm yourself," Wu Fei said softly, trying to remain even-tempered in contrast to Duo's quickly escalating emotions.

"Calm myself? CALM myself?!" Duo dropped the device beside Wu Fei and jumped to his feet, turning to look up at the ventilation fans. They were too tall to reach, even they tried to stand on each other's shoulders. "How can I stay calm when someone's just signed my death warrant?!"

"Talking wastes air," Wu Fei answered calmly, reaching to pick up the projection device.

"Oh yeah?" Duo snapped back, his eyes flashing. Throwing his shoulders back, he sing-songed loudly. "No ooone tells the Goooood of Deaaaath when to diiiiieee! Maaaaaaybe I'll just find a waaaay to kiiillll myseeeelf fiiiiirst!"

Wu Fei twitched a little at the singing and muttered under his breath. "If it'll spare me, be my guest, Maxwell."

Duo ignored him, running and bashing his shoulder into the door instead. "Damn! What a dinky way to kill us off!" He coughed a little. It was already starting to feel difficult to breathe. "I wish I could've gone to battle, instead of Heero." _Not that I'd wish death on my best friend, of course… but I'd rather be out in space. And he'd find a way out of this, because he's invincible…_

The thought of not seeing Heero again made Duo's chest ache and he tried to shake it off, turning to watch as Wu Fei started scrolling through the projector images again. "What are you doing, Wu Fei? There's no sense studying that now. He walked over to crouch beside where Wu Fei was sitting, arms pointed straight out in front of him as he clicked the button quickly to change from frame to frame.

"Stay calm if you want to live a little bit longer," Wu Fei repeated himself, trying not to encourage Duo's antics any further.

"We're out of luck unless something drastic happens."

Wu Fei turned to look up at Duo, a fierce determination in his eyes. "I'm doing everything I can in case 'something drastic' does happen." _That's right, loudmouth, I haven't given up yet even if I can clearly see that our chances are slim._

Completely surprised by Wu Fei's answer, Duo smiled, actually respecting him a little more. _Maybe I should take my own advice and not be judging him too quickly either._ "Wu Fei! Sorry, but I'm gonna throw in the towel." _But it's way too much fun to push his buttons._ Falling over backwards dramatically and rolling around on the floor as Wu Fei watched him, Duo wailed loudly. "Oh, this is such a lame way to die! This is so "not cool"!"

_o/ And you're not sure what you're waiting for, but you don't want to no more  
And you're not sure what you're looking for, but you don't want to no more /o_

Wu Fei didn't answer him this time and a few minutes later, the projection turned off and Wu Fei stretched out on the floor, closing his eyes.

Already starting to feel light-headed, Duo sat up slowly, reaching to pick the device up off the floor. Hunching over, he clicked the button to turn it on, staring at the image of his new Deathscythe Hell longingly as he whispered. "I never would've guessed I'd be dying like this. He flipped through images of Deathscythe's upgrades, wheezing a little as he squinted at the light. "Hey, Wu Fei. My Deathscythe is pretty cool, don't you think? I'd demolish OZ with this in no time!"

Duo glanced over at Wu Fei when he got no response, clicking the button to turn off the device. "What's wrong? Are you already dead?" he teased, but there was still no response. "Come on, Wu Fei. Don't go deserting me. Stick with me to the end." A little unnerved by the silence, Duo started inching towards Wu Fei until he was kneeling beside him, leaning over him in the darkness. _Is he… no, he can't be…_ "He's totally stopped breathing. He's in a state of suspended animation," Duo mumbled to himself, feeling a sudden camaraderie between them that he hadn't expected was there. "This guy's unbelievable. He refuses to give up." _Gotta admire a guy as stubborn as me._

Rolling onto his back, Duo looked up at the ceiling and blinked a few times, but everything was starting to look fuzzy. "It makes perfect sense," he whispered to himself. "Who'd wanna die like this?" He pointed the projector at the ceiling and scrolled through the images of Deathscythe one more time. _It's not like when you're getting the shit kicked out of you and you're gonna die knowing you've fought it out to the end._

"The Gundams… The Gundams can't afford to lose at this point…" The projector slipped out of Duo's hands as his eyes closed and he knew he was close to losing consciousness.

_In the middle of a battle, there's no time to think about anything but the fight for survival… but this… this is torture. All I can do is lay here and think about all the things I still want to do, all the things I haven't had the chance to say… drowning without the water._

A heavy screeching noise dragged Duo back to consciousness and he struggled to open his eyes, tilting his head back. The door to their room was hanging open, and silhouetted against the light, upside-down to the braided pilot's view, was a shadowy, but familiar outline. The face held the softest of smiles and Duo would never mistake that color of blue. _Heero…?_ Blinking furiously, he rolled himself into his stomach, but there was no one in the doorway and the two guards in front of it were sprawled on the floor, unconscious. "Wu Fei…" Duo croaked, crawling into a sitting position, taking a deep breathe as fresh air flooded into the room. The ventilation system was on again too.

Wu Fei was already stirring as his body sensed the return of oxygen to the room and he sat up suddenly, his face cracking into a huge grin as he and Duo met eyes. "Something drastic has happened."

Duo burst out laughing and carefully maneuvered his hands into his jacket to snatch up his star hairpin. He picked his cuffs in ten seconds, dropping them onto the floor and moving on to Wu Fei's, barely able to contain his excitement. "No time to waste!"

"Our Gundams are not yet complete, however--" Wu Fei started.

"I say we steal 'em anyway!" Duo finished, holding out a hand to help Wu Fei to his feet, enjoying the startled expression he received in return.

_I'm keeping company with a lock-picking thief. Nataku, don't think too badly of me._ Grasping the hand firmly, Wu Fei let Duo pull him up. "Payback."

Duo grinned. "Let's blow this joint."

_o/ What are you looking for?  
What are you waiting for?  
Do you know what you're doing to me?  
Go ahead...What are you waiting for? /o_

* * *

_I've set them free, Treize. I know you would have wanted it that way… _

Lady Une felt the bullet pass through her body as she crumpled to the ground, but she smiled with her renewed hope.

_The charm of you pilots threw everything out of order. Your pure hearts are suffering in a world where answers cannot be found. Those that think tenderly about you in that situation realize just how powerless they themselves are. They become hasty, and are crushed. But please continue shining, brave warriors. And let me continue loving you._

* * *

**Up Next: Chapter 13 - Clockworks**

* * *


	13. Ch 13 Clockworks

**Author's Notes:** This chapter is posting a lot later than I intended it to, and I'm sorry about that. There's been a lot going on recently - family drama, huge life-altering decisions and my one of my best friends losing her baby. H and I will be just fine, but it's been an emotionally grueling week. Thanks to my reviewers, who brightened my week when I really needed it.

**sseattle:** I really wanted to focus on the Zero System's effect because it has a lot to do with some of the changes Heero goes through in the next few chapters. I'm pleased that you thought 12 was one of my best.

**Kaeru Shisho:** I admit that I really look forward to hearing your thoughts each and every time. I'm happy that you feel the emotional resonance of the characters because I am always writing with that in mind.

**Sadie Woods:** I am glad you enjoyed Lady Une's appearance! I am always building towards my ideas of a post-canon and try to show not just what the boys think of each other, but also what key players in their future think of them too.

If this chapter makes your heart feel somewhat uncomfortable, then I think I've really done my job. For the most part, this is not a happy chapter - but I think the emotions behind the events transpiring will make the payoff in chapters fifteen and sixteen all the more sweet. If you read carefully, you might start to see the deeper effect that Duo has begun to have on Heero. Until next time, friends.

* * *

**Chapter 13 - Clockworks(Episodes 26 & 29 - 30)**

_o/ You're probably sick of being tired  
You can't find the strength to close your eyes  
You can't let go  
But you can't change everything  
Stop laying in this burning bed /o  
_

Sitting in the rubble surrounding Wing Zero and Mercurius, the limp body of Heero Yuy cradled in his arms, Quatre was aware for the first time in ages of exactly how exhausted he was. He knew that he probably could have escaped into space by now, but he really had no intention of ever getting back inside Wing Zero again. _Not to mention how difficult it would have been to take Heero with me… and there's simply no way I could leave him behind._

Quatre reached with one gloved hand to brush a lock of hair out of Heero's face with a tenderness that surprised even himself. _I owe him twice now…_ It was the first time they'd really met in person, and even though neither Trowa nor Duo had told him much about Wing's pilot, he somehow felt intuitively as if the other boy was already someone he could call a friend. _If he forgives me… _ "I'm so sorry…" he whispered into Heero's hair, drawing back in surprise as he finally felt the other pilot beginning to stir. "Heero?"

"…Duo…" The name was hardly more than an exhalation as Heero's mind blinked back into activity, trying to assess where he was and why before actually trying to move. _There was a door, a light… where am I? Not a Gundam. Not a bed._ Heero opened his eyes, blinking in surprise at the close proximity of the face in front of him.

"Heero! Oh, I'm so glad you're awake!" Quatre's entire face brightened into a tearful smile and he impulsively hugged the other boy to him as tightly as he could, continuing to babble in fragments. "Didn't want to move you thought you might - concussion- I - I don't really remember what happened, just bits and pieces. I… I'm sorry? Thank you? Forgive me?"

Startled by the strength of the hug was currently receiving and not actually participating in, Heero quickly slid his hands between them, pushing Quatre firmly away. "Let go of me."

"Sorry!" Quatre gasped, releasing Heero and scooting back a few inches. They stared at each other in silence for a long moment before Quatre smiled weakly and held out a canteen.

Heero eyed the other boy warily, but he seemed completely different than the person who had been piloting that Gundam not long ago. "Thank you," he finally muttered as he reached for the canteen. "How much time has passed?"

"Maybe an hour?" Quatre replied as he gestured to the Mercurius. "I'm pretty sure judging from the transmissions I overheard from your mobile suit that OZ is on the way to pick us up. No one's tried to reach us from inside the colony, but I think our impact probably damaged the area too much."

Taking a long drink of water and debating plans of action, Heero finally scowled in annoyance at their situation as he handed the canteen back. "We're better off letting them cart us back to the Lunar Base. Duo and Wu Fei are there, even if Trowa is…" He trailed off as a stricken look appeared on Quatre's face. It was obvious that the blond felt horribly about what had happened, but it didn't mean Heero was going to apologize for anything he'd said. _Still, there's no need to make him feel worse. Whether it was him or the mobile suit itself, something was obviously not right earlier._

"…missing," Quatre filled in when Heero paused. He took a deep breath to compose himself and then repeated the words. "Trowa is missing."

It was the last thing Quatre had a chance to say before OZ soldiers blasted their way into the area, but Heero was glad that the ride back to the moon gave him some time to process. With Trowa out of the picture, there was no cover to blow anymore, but also no inside source of information. It did not make the idea of remaining in captivity very appealing to Heero. _Trowa called us redundant soldiers… but I don't believe this fight, this war, is really over._

The more Heero turned over recent events in his mind, the more he felt that the complete picture did not add up. Perhaps Trowa had been somewhat infatuated with the idea of Quatre coming to their assistance and had misjudged him? Heero might have believed that if he didn't also have Duo's impressions of the other pilot to measure against as well. Heero trusted Duo's assessment, and the braided pilot had called Quatre "a great guy", someone who was empathetic and intelligent. _But how does someone go from rebuilding an African village to blowing up a colony? From trying to kill you to trying to save you? It doesn't make sense._

Heero glanced over at the blond, but Quatre's eyes were closed and his head was leaning at an awkward angle against the window of the shuttle. _He looks… frail, and my assessment is that he hasn't eaten or slept properly in over a week._ By the time they arrived at the Lunar Base, Heero had decided that he definitely needed to talk to Quatre alone and get to the bottom of the mystery. He nudged the other boy with his elbow as the shuttle docked and Quatre jumped, blinking and rubbing at his eyes.

"On your feet," one of the soldiers sitting opposite them sneered, grabbing Quatre by the arm and hauling him out of his seat. Quatre winced and glared at the man before shrugging him off, marching past him and down the gangplank defiantly.

Heero followed a step behind him, realizing as they entered the hangar that all three mobile suits had already been recovered. He felt Quatre momentarily freeze beside him with a sharp intake of air and then the blond was knocking the soldiers aside and running across the room towards the charred remains of Vayeate.

"Stop!" The soldiers still on their feet immediately starting shooting at Quatre's back, but a swift kick from Heero sent them all flying to the floor. _Trigger happy assholes._ Heero hadn't figured out what was going on with Quatre yet, but he felt no allegiance to anyone at this point other than a vague camaraderie with the other pilots, so it was more instinct than anything else that led him to watch Quatre's back. He also had the feeling that the other boy would have done the same.

Quatre didn't even hear the bullets ringing out behind him as he ran towards Vayeate. "Trowa!" His eyes filled with tears as he stared at the destroyed suit, even though he knew that Trowa was not inside it. "I'm the one that did this to you." Falling to his knees, he buried his face in his shaking hands with a choked sob, but it did nothing to alleviate the horrible burning knot in his chest. "Forgive me, Trowa…"

One of the soldiers was quick to get back on his feet and he whacked Heero in the side of the head with his gun, knocking him to the floor. "We have permission from Commander Tubarov to execute you Gundma pilots! Try that again and you can kiss your butt goodbye!"

Hearing the commotion behind him dragged Quatre out of his grief, and wiping away his tears with the sleeve of his shirt, he jogged back to the soldiers and knelt beside his friend. "Heero!"

Heero got to his knees, curling one hand into a fist as he and Quatre both turned to glare at the soldiers, but his retaliatory punch was aborted when more OZ soldiers suddenly flooded the bay, turning their guns on the group holding the pilots hostage. _Is this… the growing division in OZ?_ Jumping to his feet, Heero strode forward, looking up at the line of soldiers. "What's going on?"

"If OZ wishes to hold the Gundam pilots hostage, then the Treize faction considers it our duty to free them!"

Quatre stood and walked forward to stand at Heero's side, not really sure what was transpiring. "I don't sense ill intent from them," he whispered to the other boy.

"Ah, Heero, you've returned." The sound of Dr. J's voice cut through the room and Heero turned his gaze to see the entire group of scientists standing on one of the platforms above them. "Why don't you both come along to the laboratory so I can brief you on the current situation."

"Understood," Heero muttered darkly. Quatre followed him up a flight of stairs and they accompanied the scientists down a hallway and through several sets of doors before reaching a room full of computer equipment and spare materials Heero knew were used for Gundam construction. _But where are Duo and Wu Fei's Gundams?_ _Something happened while we were gone. _"I thought you were locked up."

"Circumstances have changed," Dr. J responded simply, gesturing to a chair in front of one of the computers. "Quatre, take a seat. We need to run a few tests."

Heero moved to lean against the nearby wall, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched Dr. J and Professor G hook a series of wires up to Quatre's head. Dr. J never told Heero anything more than he felt he needed to know, and while it pissed Heero off, it was usually less trouble to just wait and see what he had to say before asking questions.

"Good," Dr. J muttered. "His brain waves haven't been affected."

"What does this test determine?" Quatre asked them warily. It almost seemed as if they were all avoiding his gaze and he was growing quickly uncomfortable. His memory of the past few days was spotty at best, but there was no way for them to know that when he hadn't told them so.

"We're checking how the cockpit system of Wing Zero influences the pilot's brain waves," Dr. J said.

"No problem," Instructor H cut in abruptly, finally offering Quatre a small smile. "That system is flawless."

Watching the test screen out of the corner of his eye, Dr. J turned to address Heero. "A decision was made by the Romefeller Foundation to confine Treize Khushrenada. As a result, OZ's forces have split into two factions."

"Lady Une has been shot.," Professor G added. "We don't know whether she's dead or alive. But Romefeller regards her as an offender."

"The other two pilots, Duo Maxwell and Wu Fei Chang, escaped during OZ's internal unrest," Dr. J continued. "But both of their Gundams are still only 80 complete."

"They only need minor adjustments, though," Professor G amended. "With a little time those two pilots can probably finish the Gundams themselves."

_So Duo and Wu Fei are gone, which gives even less reason to stick around here._ Heero opened his eyes and asked, "How about Trowa Barton?" He watched as Quatre, wires now removed, swiveled his chair and looked anxiously from Heero to Dr. J, who now had his back them.

"He's been MIA since the Vayeate was destroyed. Probably dead."

"The possibility of his surviving is very low," Professor G agreed and turned away with a sigh, still clicking away at the computer in front of him. "Our force will be diminished. But that can't be helped."

"And that's our current situation," Dr. J concluded. "Did you get all that, Heero?"

"Got it," he muttered, glancing away. He'd seen Quatre flinch at Dr. J's response and found that the swift dismissal of Trowa's fate bothered him just as much.

"Now I'll explain the Treize faction on this base…" Dr. J started, but was interrupted by Quatre jumping up in alarm.

"Wait a minute!" he demanded, his turquoise eyes trained on Dr. J's face in determination. "Please look into Trowa Barton's whereabouts!" He curled his hand into a fist over his heart, his voice tight. _How can they disregard Trowa so easily? _"I know he's alive! There are lots of colonies in that area! I know he'd be able to survive!"

"That's some personality…" Professor G responded in surprise, stopping his work for a moment to turn and gaze at Quatre's outburst.

Dr. J's expression had darkened as he stared hard at the emotional boy and his response was clipped. "A little questionable for a soldier."

"That's why the Gundam Zero ended up in enemy hands even with that system installed," Doktor S finally spoke up.

"What?" Quatre asked, turning to look back at the other three scientists.

This time, it was Instructor H who spoke up, knowing it was in his laboratory that Quatre had found the plans to finish the Zero system. "The system amplifies and controls brain waves for fighting. It also brings battle results greater than the pilot could normally ever achieve."

"It would have been okay if the pilot saw OZ as the enemy," Doktor S agreed with a frown. "But the mind-warping side effects caused a target error."

Although Instructor H and Doktor S had placed the blame on the system's mind-warping effects, Dr. J turned to Quatre and quite coldly pushed the blame back at him. "The pilot was incomplete as a soldier so he attacked his very own allies. Extremely regrettable."

"Especially since the Vayeate, Mercurius and new Gundam could've demolished the Lunar Base at once," Professor G added, looking away to avoid having to watch the guilt cascading across Quatre's face.

"Because of your training, your athletic abilities and tactical imagination are brought to perfection," Master O cut in, but Dr. J wasn't about to let him interrupt the lecture.

"But as soldiers, you're far from perfect, mentally. This latest incident has made that flaw very clear." He shifted his gaze from Quatre over to Heero, who had refused to comment on anything they were saying. "You must become perfect soldiers! Otherwise, you won't survive the golden age of the mobile dolls." He adjusted his glasses as he and Heero stared at each other. "Or if you'd rather, go insane! That's what wars do to people!" Reaching to pick up a stack of files, he turned and swept out of the room.

Not about to let him have the final word, Heero eased himself off the wall, nodded to the rest of the group and followed him out the door. Dr. J was already halfway down the hallway, but it took Heero only a moment to catch up. "Dr. J."

"Heero, I'm disappointed," Dr. J responded before the pilot could say anything else. "Those three suits could have, should have taken out this base. Quatre is obviously too unstable to pilot Wing Zero, so I want you to take over."

"You need to give Quatre a break," Heero muttered sharply, reflexively.

Dr. J stopped walking immediately, turning to examine Heero dubiously. "Since when is anything other than the mission of concern to you?"

Crossing his arms over his chest, Heero stared at Dr. J with his usual blank and unaffected expression. _I don't know why it matters to me or even exactly when it started mattering… I just know that it does. _"I just think that you need to give Quatre a break. The others clearly stated that the Zero system has mind-warping effects. Quatre blames himself enough for what happened."

"As well he should!" Dr. J responded, his eyes narrowing as he peered at Heero from over the tops of his glasses suspiciously. "He was a complete failure! And if he can't move on from this situation, then he will be of no further use to us!"

Heero ground his teeth as he listened to Dr. J, wanting more than anything to simply punch him in the nose. _Why am I even listening to him? The missions, the directions… they stopped a long time ago. He has no more knowledge, no more power, no more understanding of what to do next, than I do. It's obvious and written all over his every word._ "Right," he finally answered, not caring if the scientist heard the sarcasm in his tone. "Because we're things that can be discarded once you deem them too broken to continue using?"

Dr. J was silent for a long time as they stared at each other stubbornly. "He is a soldier," he finally stated, letting the rest hang in the air unsaid – all the things he thought a soldier should and shouldn't be. Heero had known for years what they were, but found he disagreed with the list more and more as time went on.

Heero waited until Dr. J had turned to walk away before answering. "Even so, he is a soldier who has a heart… which also makes him human." Dr. J didn't pause in his movements, continuing to hobble down the hallway as if he hadn't heard Heero's response. "Your jurisdiction over the path this is taking?" Heero called after him. "It's over now." This time, he didn't even bother to wait for the response he knew wouldn't come, but turned to head back into the laboratory.

The group of scientists had dispersed while Heero was gone, leaving Quatre to stand alone in the center of the room, staring blankly at the wall, dazed and unfocused. "Quatre?"

Quatre had remained rooted to the spot he'd been standing in when Dr. J had torn into him, barely noticing the departure of the others. The words flawed and regrettable kept circling in his mind. _They are right, though… we could have destroyed the base and I ruined it by attacking my allies…how could I have messed up this badly?_ It was only the light touch of a hand on his shoulder that finally interrupted his internal tirade. "Heero?"

"Don't listen to them." Heero stared at Quatre, watching the layers of conflicting emotion in his expression. "Stop blaming yourself."

"But it was my fault that--"

"You heard the same explanation I did about the mind-altering effects of the Zero System."

"True, but I--"

"You said yourself that Trowa is alive." Heero wasn't sure he believed that himself, but he latched on to the idea as something that might help re-focus the other boy. "Decide your path for yourself and don't listen to the shit they spew."

Quatre nodded, more to himself than Heero as the other pilot brushed past him and sat down at one of the computers. _I've always made my own choices, even when they conflicted with those of my father or Instructor H. I know Trowa is alive. I feel it._ Buoyed a little by Heero's comments, he took a step towards the computer to peer over the other boy's shoulder.

Heero was glad when Quatre seemed to snap out of his daze, as he really wasn't sure what else to tell him regarding Dr. J and the others. He needed to focus on what to do next and Quatre had information he needed to make his decision. "What's your opinion of the Wing Zero system?"

"I have no idea," Quatre murmured softly, studying the specs with Heero. Part of the Gundam had already been built and abandoned, so he'd simply followed the schematics to complete it. "I never knew that unit had been completed. I was focusing on the large beam cannon and didn't pay attention to the cockpit system."

_If he had no knowledge of the cockpit system and it really has the abilities they stated earlier, then it's no surprise that it overwhelmed him. _ "The beam cannon hasn't been retrieved yet. The main weapons are the beam saber and the wing vulcans on its shoulders." Heero's words were more a statement than a question, so Quatre didn't bother to answer it.

It was quickly sounding as if Heero intended to pilot Wing Zero, but Quatre wondered what he was planning to do with it. _Head back to Earth? Go after OZ? Romefeller? _"Heero, are you planning to fight?"

_Perceptive._ Heero turned in his chair, deciding to give Quatre his honest answer. "In either case, we can't leave Gundam Zero in enemy hands."

Recognizing Heero's indecision on the matter as the truth, Quatre thought it was best to be just as up front. "Heero. I've been wondering who our allies are and who our enemies are in this war." He'd never been one to hide his feelings, and he was damn sure by now that the only allies he could really trust were the other pilots. _I think maybe I've known that since the night Duo helped defend the Maguanacs with me before we went to Africa._ Quatre looked down sadly and his next words were hardly more than a whisper and surprisingly vulnerable. "I get confused thinking about it."

"Quatre…" Heero looked up from the computer to meet the other boy's eyes, surprised at how similar their thoughts were. With the colonies' acceptance of OZ and now the division within OZ alongside the scientists' cold treatment of them, Heero knew exactly how Quatre felt. "The ones after your life and the targets you try to defeat are the enemy."

_Does he mean that we must figure the answer out for ourselves?_ "But what if we're mistaken?" Quatre pressed in agitation.

"Quatre," Heero said softly. "We're not mistaken. But it's possible that this period of war has gone nuts."

"People just keep fighting!" Quatre's hands balled up into fists at his side and he angrily blinked back the tears that threatened to fall again. "I don't even think anyone knows who or what or why they are fighting anymore! Trowa called us redundant, and maybe he's right!"

An hour later, Quatre's words were still echoing in Heero's mind as he climbed into Wing Zero to run another round of Dr. J's tests. At first, it was the same as piloting Wing, but after a few minutes, Heero's thoughts seemed to blur like watercolor run together with the endless streams of data the Gundam fed him until he had no control. "My enemies are the ones after my life…and the ones that toy with it…" Images, memories and desires, words and sounds and touches, everything was spinning around, playing on Zero's monitors in an endless variation of possible futures. _Nothing is certain…_

Quatre's words sliced through the cacophony of noise.

"This war won't end if people keep fighting on their own!

I don't want to lose anything else that's important to me!

You lose sight of the target when you fight alone!"

Heero blinked as his eyes registered Quatre's face in the monitor and as he was hitting the switch to open Wing Zero's cockpit, he thought that he could smell apples.

_o/ Time's gonna warn you with a whisper  
What it wants to let you know  
You can't live in fear of the things that aren't for sure  
So stay alive by playing dead /o_

* * *

Sally Po was extremely pissed off.

"Just be thankful you got a fireplace. The new OZ is a warm-hearted organization." The soldier in the doorway gestured to the lush furniture and the roaring fire behind her, but she wasn't fooled.

"You're only treating me like a special guest until you confirm what's in the carrier, I suppose?"

"We were told to watch for rebels who would help the Gundam pilots once they took action," the soldier sneered. "But we didn't expect to get our hands on a Gundam!"

The man closed the door behind him and Sally sighed, already working at the ropes binding her hands behind her back. _I've gotten out of worse scrapes._ "So it's true that the Gundam pilots have returned to Earth," she mumbled to herself. "I've gotta make sure I deliver it to them. Damn. More and more nations are taking sides with Romefeller. It's gonna be a rocky road."

She had just managed to work the rope over the knuckles of her left hand, loosening the overall bind, when the entire building was rocked by explosions. Sensing the perfect opportunity for escape, she yanked hard, giving herself rope burns as she finally freed her hand. "Got it!"

Suddenly, the window shattered behind her and Sally turned in surprise to see a woman standing in the window frame with a large gun slung over her shoulder. "Who are you?"

Noin studied the woman tied to the chair in front of the fireplace. It was far too late to do anything but trust her if she had any hope of retrieving the Gundam she suspected OZ was after, but she wanted to gain trust in exchange for giving it. "I want the truth," she finally exhaled after a moment. "Is that the real thing at the bottom of the sea?"

_She's not with OZ._ "I might tell a lie so that you'll free me," Sally responded cheekily, sliding the now loose rope off of her other wrist behind her back.

Noin wasn't sure what to make of that response, so she simply continued with the truth. "I wanna retaliate against Romefeller, so I need the Gundam. You're fighting the same enemy. So decide if you wanna negotiate."

Sally laughed at the brusque response and stood up, holding out both hands to show that she'd already broken free. "An enemy of OZ is an ally of mine, but does that also make you a friend to the Gundams?"

Noin cracked a smile at this, reaching out a hand to grasp Sally's tightly, pulling her into the window frame. "That might be a piece of the truth," she replied coyly, now even more sure that they were on the same page.

The door burst open and Noin immediately began shooting at the entering soldiers. "My time's run out!" Sally exclaimed and Noin nodded.

"Let's go!"

The two women jumped out of the window together, landing in the back of a truck parked underneath it. Noin tossed her gun to Sally, rolled through the open window into the cab, slid into the seat and revved the engine. The pair worked seamlessly as Sally defended and Noin drove the truck straight out of the OZ compound, taking down a few fences along the way. It was only after they were outside the city that Sally climbed into the cab to sit beside Noin.

They drove in silence for awhile, each observing the other, until Sally finally broke the silence. "I'm a friend to the Gundams."

"I thought so," Noin said softly. "I'm heading to where your carrier went down."

"I pray that we make it in time."

Noin's hands gripped the steering wheel tightly as a sudden rush of hope filled her. "So it IS real then. That's why the enemy built up so fast." Her constant observation of OZ's movements had finally paid off.

"It's the one OZ referred to as 01," Sally nodded, then asked. "You said you wanted the Gundam to save yourselves. What country are you from?"

Noin hesitated for a moment, but she didn't feel like bringing Sanc into the equation was the right move to make yet. Relena was in enough danger already. "I can't tell you yet. I will say that it's resisting Romefeller. So it could be attacked at any time. The ruler of the nation is indispensable for the future…and is capable of bringing true peace to this world."

Sally was no fool and had a pretty damn good idea of who Noin was referring to with that description, but she kept her assumptions to herself as she turned to give the other woman a curious look. "Do you expect to win against Romefeller with just the Gundams?" _I knew there were still other dissenters out there._

Noin stopped the truck and turned to look at Sally, catching the subtlety in her tone. _This woman has the utmost faith in those boys, doesn't she… Has she come to the same conclusions as me?_ Sally was waiting patiently for an answer as if she already knew what Noin was going to say. "I'm confident in its pilot. He'd defeat Romefeller's ambitions."

_For her honesty, I can only give her the same in kind._ "As acquaintances of the Gundam pilots, you and I tend to overdo things."

"It's risky to depend on them too much," Noin relaxed, finally opening up a little. "But at the moment I want their help."

Sally nodded as she turned to face forward again. "Nobody wants to get involved in wars." She closed her eyes and sighed, acknowledging to herself for once how long she'd been on the run. "But those who have the ability to fight should fight. At least that's what I think. I'm reluctant to use the word "righteous". But the word suits those kids." She opened her eyes again and looked up at the rusted metal ceiling of the truck. "Calling them righteous might really be a sad thing, since it forces them to act like modern heroes. I want to follow them. If I do, it's unlikely I'll take a wrong path."

"I feel much the same," Noin gave her a small and wistful smile. "There's a purity to their hearts, I feel… they know intuitively the right way forward. Maybe it's chance, maybe it's destiny - the universe's gears clicking away like clockworks… but I feel that they, like the ruler of my country, will have a strong hand in carving a peaceful future."

Sally thought quietly of Heero and Wu Fei, two young men that were so different, and yet so alike, and felt that she and Noin might just be walking the path alongside them. "Then you and I, no matter we go, we'll know that we are not alone. And soon, I believe, they will come to see that as well."

_o/ Still there are lines for us to write before we close our eyes  
And only time will tell the ending when the ink runs dry  
Time will tell everything  
It's ever so quiet counting down /o_

* * *

Heero didn't recall his last moments inside Wing Zero until several days after the events at the Lunar Base, when Quatre handed him an apple.

"I bought a few from Johann, the man I told you spoke to me about Sanc? You should eat something. I'm sure you haven't eaten since the last time we ate together." Accepting the apple and taking a bite, Heero was quiet as Quatre studied him with furrowed brow. "You've survived another battle."

It was no surprise to Heero that Quatre was frustrated with him, but he didn't intend to acknowledge it. Quatre had made the decision to take the unconscious Heero with him to Earth after destroying Wing Zero and Mercurius, but that didn't mean Heero had any intention of letting someone else make his decisions for him. It had been acceptable to work with Quatre to sabotage the fleet of OZ ships not long after their arrival, but they'd parted ways when Heero had stubbornly insisted on supporting the Treize faction in an OZ raid yesterday.

_Perhaps a mistake, but a lesson well-learned. _Heero had realized that the Treize faction's methods were no better than the rest of OZ the moment he'd figured out that there had been no civilian order to evacuate. Not that he was going to admit that to Quatre either. The blond would only think he'd been right about staying out of OZ's disputes and Heero didn't think it was that simple. Even though he was now aware that one side was no better than the other, it was still Romefeller's OZ that had issues the execution orders for the Gundam pilots. He wasn't sorry that he'd gotten involved.

In the end, he'd only gone with Noin and Quatre because he now knew that Noin had Wing. He hadn't had the chance to go looking for what he'd left hidden in the ocean weeks ago, and now he didn't have to because she'd had already retrieved it. He wondered if Zechs had anything to do with it, as he hadn't heard the name pop up in any recent OZ reports.

"Heero? Are you even listening to me?" Quatre tilted his head in concern at the overly distant behavior of his friend, who hadn't been the same since the incident with the Zero System. He himself had not quite recovered from his own experience with it, and he wished that Heero would talk to him about what the Gundam had shown him. "I'm glad you changed your mind and decided to accompany me to Sanc Kingdom."

Heero wasn't actually listening to Quatre, but he nodded and took another bite of the apple, chewing thoughtfully. _This division in OZ is sure to affect what's going on in the colonies. By the time I retrieve Wing, maybe the truth about OZ will finally start to surface._ Quatre could preach all he wanted about Sanc Kingdom's supposed pacifism, but Heero knew that there would be no end to this war until the people creating more weapons were defeated. "I'm not staying, Quatre."

"Well…" Quatre crossed his arms over his chest in a disappointed huff. "Maybe I can't change your mind, but I've heard that there's someone else willing to try."

Heero shrugged, getting up to toss out the apple core as Noin informed them that they were about to start landing. Catching Heero's faint limp, Quatre jumped up to support him and they walked together to the door of the shuttle. "Heero…"

Wing's pilot didn't seem to hear Quatre at all, and froze mid-step. Perched with one elbow on the end of the railing at the bottom of the stairs leading to the pavement, Relena stood supporting her chin with one hand, an amused smile on her face.

_o/ Write it on the walls and read it  
Blood red so you can see it  
Life leaking out  
Write it on the walls and read it  
Until there are no secrets  
So safe and sound  
At least for now /o_

* * *

**Up Next: Chapter 14 - Two Points for Honesty**

* * *


	14. Ch 14 Two Points for Honesty

**Author's Notes:** This chapter was a doozy to write, but I think it's a real turning point for both Heero and Quatre. I'm really excited because there's some stuff coming up in the next few chapters that I've been dying to write since this whole project was first conceived. Thanks, as always, to my reviewers:

**Kaeru Shisho: **Heero's gears are definitely starting to turn as he becomes more aware of his own feelings and the growing connections he has with the other pilots. I hope you enjoy the transformation that continues to take place for him. He hasn't admitted anything to himself in words, but his actions show how he feels about the people around him. Thanks for always leaving me your feedback. I love sharing my story with someone whose stories I also am a fan of!

**snowdragonct: **It was really sweet of you to go back and review both chapters - no need to apologize. You know I love hearing from you, but I totally understand hectic life. Mine's been pretty out of control lately too, but I keep chugging along, bit by bit. I think the plot is rather tricky to follow at this point in the series, so I'm trying to focus on mostly the viewpoints of the people I feel are the lead characters in this story. It is their journey I want to explore, after all. I do think Heero and Duo have left pieces of their hearts with each other along the way and I think that will start to show more in the next few chapters.

**roninlvr: **Glad to hear you're enjoying the story! Thanks for leaving a review.

In the next chapter, we'll finally see what Duo's been up to and watch our dear boys finally start to come together to form a true team.

rapiers, butterflies, & feathers!

* * *

**Chapter 14 - Two Points for Honesty (Episode 31, 33, 34)**

_o/ If that's all you will be  
You'll be a waste of time  
You've dreamed a thousand dreams  
None seem to stick in your mind /o_

"Heero…"

Relena thought that he looked exactly the same as the last time she'd seen him. _Same shaggy hair, same intense expression, same outfit – does he even own any other clothes?_ She bit her lip to contain the laugh that threatened to escape, straightening up as he came slowly down the stairs.

"Relena." Heero muttered her name softly, making no other overture. He still had no idea why this girl acted as if they were such good friends when he hardly knew her at all.

"Let me look at you," she smiled, reaching out to grab both of his hands and squeeze them as she s tudied his face. She was surprised by what she thought she saw there. _In his eyes, the same intensity…and yet, something about him has changed. What is it?_ "I'm very glad you're here, Heero. I look forward to sharing my ideas with you."

"I'm not planning to stay," he replied, pulling his hands away and taking a small step back.

"Heero! Don't be so rude!" Quatre pushed past him and held out a hand to Relena. "I'm Quatre Raberba Winner and it's a pleasure to meet you. Noin has told me such wonderful things about your work here in The Sanc Kingdom."

Relena shook Quatre's hand firmly. "I'm honored to meet another of the Gundam pilots…" She let her eyes drift slowly over to Heero until he noticed her staring and turned away. "…and a friend of Heero's."

"We appreciate your hospitality," Quatre replied warmly. He tried not to let his curiosity show in his face, but it was obvious that Relena seemed to make Heero uncomfortable and he couldn't quite put his intuitive finger on why.

"I have a car waiting to take you to your accommodations," she gestured behind her. "Pagan will drop you off before taking Noin and I back to the institution. I know you must be tired, so let's speak more tomorrow."

* * *

_o/ I want to be where I've never been before  
I want to be there and then I'd understand  
Know I'm right and do it right  
Could I get to be like that  
How to know what I don't know  
Nothing more to gain /o_

"…and she feels that it's only possible for the other factions to put down their weapons if OZ and Romefeller put theirs down first. Personally, I worry about Romefeller attacking this country before Relena has a chance to share these ideas on the world stage. Her very ideal of total pacifism puts her dangerously at risk."

"I don't know why you're telling me this." Heero sat in the backseat of the obnoxiously pink car, arms crossed over his chest and his eyes closed, trying his best to ignore the other pilot. Quatre had not stopped extolling the virtues of Relena and Sanc Kingdom for even a moment since the time Heero had first stepped out of his room this morning and it was beginning to wear on him.

Quatre frowned, studying Heero's closed eyes. _Why is Heero, fighting so intensely for peace, not open to hearing about total pacifism?_ "I think Relena is going to lead the world into a new age. I know we're only pretending to be students here, but it is still an opportunity to share ideas with peace-minded people."

Heero didn't answer as the car pulled up in front of the school and Pagan addressed the both of them. "Let's go in. Miss Relena is waiting in the Institution Director's room."

"We'll find our way in alone from here," Quatre disagreed politely. "I don't like lying, but it doesn't suit you either, Pagan."

Heero opened the door of the car and climbed out, more than ready to retrieve his mobile suit and make plans to depart. "I'm not gonna stay. Once I get my Gundam, I'm getting out of here."

Quatre leaned across the backseat, calling after Heero as he got out of the car. "Don't go, Heero! This nation desperately needs the Gundam. And we've got to make sure to keep that a secret."

_He really doesn't get it. The blind idealism… I can't buy into it._ "Relena doesn't need any Gundam." He started up the long flight of stairs, Quatre hurrying behind him, still talking rapidly in a whisper.

"It's necessary to protect the princess. Please understand, Heero." He followed Wing's pilot up the stairs leading to the main entrance, aware of all the stares and whispers they were receiving from fellow students.

"Isn't the one in front a servant?"

"He's young for a bodyguard."

Heero ignored them, but Quatre snickered to himself. _Maybe it won't be that difficult to conceal who we are if they're so quick to think Heero is my bodyguard…_

They walked in silence until they reached the main doors, at which point, they were led by a member of the institution's staff to the director's room. Relena was seated at her desk when they entered, but she rose immediately to greet them.

"On behalf of this institution I welcome you both on your admission," she announced, then dropped the formality as she took in their appearance with a puzzled expression. "Heero. Haven't you received your school uniform yet?"

Heero closed his eyes in annoyance, trying to keep his temper in check. "I don't plan to stay long. Once I'm done here, I'm leaving." _How many times do I have to repeat that before it sinks in?_

Quatre turned to throw one of his increasingly frequent dirty looks in Heero's direction. "Heero!"

Relena was silent for a moment, studying both boys and debating with herself. She had hoped that Heero would want to stay on his own and she didn't want what she was about to say to sound like bribery… but she supposed that, maybe, in some small way, it was. She wanted him to stay, to hear her out, and if this was what could persuade him, then so be it. Taking a deep breath, she tapped a button on her laptop to bring up the files she'd been reading through just before they came in. "Trowa Barton. Former Gundam pilot and officer in OZ Space Forces. He was last confirmed at the O-X Point of the L2 Area." She looked up from the computer to see that Heero's eyes were on her and Quatre's expression was nothing less than painfully stricken. "Noin told me about him. That he's an important person." Quatre gave an almost minute nod, so she continued. "Many friends in the Sanc Kingdom could help. I've taken on the search for him." She let her gaze slide quickly from Quatre to Heero. "Heero. Couldn't you at least stay until the search is over?"

Heero wondered idly if this girl was underestimating his intelligence or overestimating her own. It was quite clear to him that she was offering a bargaining chip, blackmail disguised as a favor - a favor it would be extremely difficult for him to turn down. _Just another politician._ "Don't you think Gundam pilots would be a burden to the Sanc Kingdom?" he finally answered, raising one eyebrow.

"I don't need to go out of my way to announce your arrival," she snapped back quickly. "But hiding the facts won't solve anything either." She tilted her head and turned away slightly, her tone becoming just a bit coy. "Besides, there's no battle in this country. So if anyone asks, you're simply a student here."

"If OZ found out we were here…" Heero started again, but Quatre had already turned and reached to grab his hand, pressing it imploringly.

"Heero, please! If Sanc can help us locate Trowa…" Quatre trailed off, his eyes shining with unshed tears. _I know you care about Trowa too. Whatever your issue with Relena, can't you put it aside to help out friend?_ Heero was refusing to meet his gaze, but Quatre could sense his inner turmoil over the situation.

"You don't have to decide right this moment," Relena cut in, quickly noticing how Quatre was already poking holes in Heero's defense. _Perhaps he won't yield to me, but if I gave Quatre some time with him… _"Let me contact our staff and have them bring uniforms for you. It will certainly make it easier for you to blend in. Perhaps you can even take a walk around the campus while you decide what to do."

_o/ Will I get better or stay the same?  
I find I always move too slowly  
Can't lift a finger  
Can't change my mind  
I never knew till someone told me that /o_

Alone in a bathroom a few minutes later, Heero found himself changing into the uncomfortable school uniform with ever-growing annoyance at his situation. _I'm only doing this for Trowa. I'm only doing this until I find another way to repay the favor that doesn't involve me staying here._

Quatre was waiting for him outside and they walked together in silence through the winding corridors to the classroom where Relena had asked them to come and introduce themselves to the student body. Afterwards, they meandered out into the courtyard before Quatre finally made another attempt to talk to Heero. "She is only trying to help."

"She's only trying to get what she wants," Heero muttered, his hands shoved into his pockets as they walked. Really, Heero thought the stalker girl-turned royal princess-turned-diplomatic leader was every bit as nosy and pushy as she had been when they met months ago. She hadn't been ruler of a kingdom then, but she'd been just as stubbornly single-minded in her pursuits. "And I'm not going to give it to her." Seeing that Quatre was about to interrupt, Heero stopped walking, turning to look at him as he shook his head sharply, his dark shaggy bangs flying back and forth. "No, Quatre. I don't want to hear you defend her. I'm glad she agreed to help search for Trowa, but I will find a way to repay the favor without confining myself here simply because she wishes it."

"I can't stop you," Quatre responded slowly, following Heero as he started to walk again. "But I'm glad you're at least willing to play along for a little while, for Trowa's sake." _Maybe it is not Relena, but Sanc Kingdom itself that makes Heero uncomfortable? _He had no doubt now that Heero did care about Trowa's fate, but the other boy simply refused to let anyone pin him down. _In continuing to preach Sanc's policies at him, perhaps I neglected to ask him if he had any opinions on the matter himself._ Wondering how he could get Heero to open up to him, Quatre stayed just a step behind the other boy, studying his back. There was a low hum of noise coming from a building on the other side of the courtyard and students carrying masks and fencing gear were flooding towards the open doors.

"I just want to find my Gundam," Heero said softly, more to himself than to Quatre, stopping in the doorway of the building to survey the events going on inside. "The war hasn't ended just because some people want to pretend it has." Leaning against the doorframe, he watched as the female students began to practice their fencing skills against one another. "Here we are in the land of total pacifism and yet there's a room of people taking up swords. Why is that, Quatre?" He didn't bother to hide the sarcasm that was beginning to leak into his words.

"They're all girls," the blond murmured, standing beside Heero and watching their practices, which he could tell were lessons in self-defense. _They don't want to have to depend on men to protect them._ "They don't think men can solve problems without fighting."

Heero closed his eyes, looking away with a sigh. "You can't make such a generalization. Some women enjoy battles just as much as men."

"Mind if I challenged you to a fight?" a lilting female voice called as one of the students sauntered over to them, quite obviously having been eavesdropping on the end of their conversation. She gestured to one of her fellow students, who came forward to offer equipment to Heero. "As a woman who enjoys battles as much as any man?"

Heero hesitated for a moment, not wanting to draw attention to himself, but most of the practice fights had already dwindled as the students turned to watch the exchange with interest. "If you insist."

"You introduced yourself to us," the girl intoned lightly, walking towards the center of the room. "But I haven't had the chance to do the same. My name is Dorothy Catalonia. I'm related to an officer of the Romefeller Foundation."

_You've got to be fucking kidding me._ Keeping his expression neutral, Heero said nothing as he stuck his helmet on and tested the weight of the weapon. _I may as well assume she's out to bait me. Better to get this fight over with as quickly as possible and get out of here._

"Despite that, Miss Relena welcomed me as a student," Dorothy continued, watching Heero test the weight and pretend not to be listening to her. "I hope we'll get to know each other. Which means I'll have to be strong. Because I hear you hate weak women!" She moved to attack the boy, curious and delighted to test her skills against the infamous pilot. She'd known Heero and Quatre were on the way to Sanc two days ago, but getting to spar with Wing's pilot was a true treat. As she leapt back from a particularly well-aimed attack, Dorothy started to talk again, not caring who around them heard her. "Once upon a time there were two people with the same name. One of them risked his life to bring peace to outer space. And he became a legend in space. Many people were saddened by his death. And they angrily swore to take revenge for him."

Their fight had slowed for a moment as she spoke, but at her last sentence, Heero's eyes flashed and he moved from defending to attacking her, but that didn't slow down her speech. "And now, the other person with the same name is also about to become a legend. The other is a soldier with the best power and skills. And he, too, will likely fight for peace. But I wonder if he'll get killed and become a legend too?" She smiled as she saw how her words were slowly digging into Heero and attacked again, delighted when she cut through his shirt to scratch his upper arm. "That's no good," she teased him flippantly. "A legendary knight doesn't lose on purpose. Don't lose to a woman just to hide your identity. You must first live a strong, noble and passionate life. Save dying for later." She couldn't resist a smirk as his eyes narrowed angrily at her. _It's so obvious that I'm getting to him. _"You can make yourself into a much bigger legend. Isn't that true, Heero Yuy?"

Listening to her make a mockery out of the original Heero Yuy caused something to snap inside Heero and he stopped holding back, immediately and forcefully plunging the rapier straight through Dorothy's face mask. It was millimeters from impaling her head.

Momentarily stunned, Dorothy dropped her weapon and pulled off her mask, marveling at both the strength and the aim Heero must possess to perform such a feat. "That's impressive. But I'm not too bad myself am I, Heero." It was a statement more than a question and she watched carefully to see if his expression would betray any truth.

Heero pulled off his helmet, responding through gritted teeth. "I don't follow what you're saying. There must be two guys named Heero Yuy besides me." Dropping his mask on the floor, he turned and stalked out of the room.

"Heero! Wait!" Quatre tailed the other boy as he left the room, chasing him down an empty corridor until they were a good distance away from the gymnasium where the practices were being held.

Only when he was certain that they were out of earshot did Heero round on Quatre, not able to keep the anger out of his voice or his expression any longer. "What? What do you want from me, Quatre? You heard what she said! That girl could be on the phone to Romefeller right now, telling them to storm the city in order to carry out our execution orders! Is that what you want? Do you want us to be responsible for the destruction of this place? Wasn't it you who told me we couldn't stay with anyone for too long because we were putting them in danger?!"

Quatre's eyes had widened at Heero's angry speech and he was pretty sure he had never heard the other boy say that much at once, and certainly never with that amount of feeling behind it. His own heart was hammering loudly in his chest, making him all too aware of the full force of Heero's anger. _He's been sullen and withdrawn since the incident with Wing Zero and no matter how much it hurts, I'd rather have him let out that frustration and know he's not alone._ _When I think of the futures the Zero System showed me, I can only imagine the horrible things it could have shown Heero._ "Heero…" he started, trying to keep his voice calm and level. "She only said she was a relative of someone in Romefeller, not that she works for Romefeller herself. Perhaps she's here to learn and doesn't care who we are. Maybe she wants to be part of a world of total pacifism too."

"Are you serious?" Hero stared hard at Quatre, totally floored at the other boy's response. _How can someone I know to be so deeply intuitive simply turn a blind eye to what just transpired? Ever since the incident with Trowa, he's been afraid. Afraid of fighting, afraid of hurting, afraid of doing what needs to be done._ "Quatre. Total pacifism… it's a joke, a lark, a…a fairytale! It's the blind idealism of people who don't want to see the truth, people who think they can just wish the war away!"

"If enough people decided to put down their weapons--"

"NO!" Heero knew he was shouting as he advanced on Quatre, hands curled into fists at his sides, but to his credit, Sandrock's pilot didn't even flinch. "There are too many people who still want to rule by force! Until they are defeated, any one who puts down their weapons is at risk of being obliterated completely! Total Pacifism… it's an ideal that I hope this world can someday embrace, but it's not going to happen right now. Maybe you don't want to fight anymore, maybe you can just set down your weapons and live with yourself and the consequences of it all, but I can't! Stop asking me! Stop making me defend myself to you when there are so many more important things we could be doing than standing around here listening to this bullshit!"

Quatre let Heero go this time, stunned into silence, absolutely frozen to his spot until long after Wing's pilot had turned the corner and disappeared down another hallway. Quatre gotten what he wanted, even if it hadn't come in quite the way he'd expected it. More than ever, he wished he had someone to talk everything over with and found himself suddenly and deeply missing his friendship with Duo and how the other boy always seemed to know just the right thing to say. _I feel as if I've failed Heero somehow and that perhaps… perhaps the best thing I can do for him is just let him be for awhile._ Suddenly aware of how alone he was, he had just convinced himself to seek out the institution's music room when a small cough alerted him to the presence of someone behind him. Whirling, he was surprised to see Dorothy step out from behind a pillar, her long hair swinging as she walked towards Quatre. "What do you want?" he asked warily. Despite his earlier words to Heero in her defense, deep down the girl made him feel uneasy and he didn't trust her at all.

"You can take the soldier out of the battle, but you can't take the battle out of the soldier!" she chirped in an overly syrupy tone, hinting at how much of their conversation she might have overheard. "Such a passionately dedicated soul!"

"I don't know what you think you heard," Quatre's tone lightened and he paused to smile sweetly at her. "But it would probably be best if you left Heero out of your little mind games."

"Games? You think I came to study at Miss Relena's school just to play games?" She laughed softly, crossing her arms delicately over her chest. "My life is a study of war! I desire to understand the single-minded dedication of people like Heero and Miss Relena! I deeply admire Miss Relena!"

"That might just be the only piece of truth I've heard out of you since we've met," Quatre responded, still keeping his tone overly polite and diplomatic. He'd been raised by a billionaire businessman, after all – he knew quite well how to play the verbal-sparring social games that Dorothy seemed so fond of and he had never been bested yet. "The only thing you seem deeply passionate about yourself… is Relena."

Dorothy's eyes actually widened at that remark and she found herself laughing. _I wonder if he knows how close to the mark he really is?_ Perhaps she had found a truly worthy adversary in Quatre Raberba Winner. "Two points for honesty," she said with a shake of her head. "But I think I'm still ahead in the overall tally." With a small curtsey, despite the fact that she was still in her sparring jumpsuit, she turned and walked back towards the gymnasium.

Quatre stared after her, turning over her laughter and odd commentary with a slow shake of his head. "Isn't there anyone who will have a calm and rational, earnest and honest dialogue with me?"

"Are you talking to yourself now, Quatre?"

Startled, Quatre whirled around, a smile brightening his face as he saw who was approaching. "Noin!"

_o/ Two points for honesty  
It must make you sad to know that  
Nobody cares at all /o_

* * *

Heero let his anger fuel his search of the school grounds, wandering tirelessly all afternoon to map the place in his head before making a logical assumption about the location of his Gundam. He didn't want to think about Dorothy's accusations or Relena's manipulations, didn't want to see Quatre's concerned expression in his head and be angry because… _Because Duo would have understood, he would've known when to back off and when to push me._ More than feeling guilty for yelling at Quatre, Heero found he was feeling oddly guilty for comparing him to Duo, a buzzing sort of strange for realizing that he wanted it to be Duo that was with him…

_It's just the school…_ He finally decided as he found the elevator he knew he'd been looking for and started to hack the computer console beside it. It was just being in uniform, attending a class, being at a school… that reminded him so much of Duo, made him feel as if Duo should be here with him. _It's just the surroundings…_ Despite his realization, he didn't think he could bring himself to apologize to Quatre for telling him the truth, even if he'd done it by shouting in his face… but perhaps he could try and treat him a little more fairly the next time they spoke. _Maybe, in some way, I also need to stop blaming him for what happened to Trowa. I defended him to Dr. J, but maybe I should have defended him from myself as well._

"Found it." His Gundam stood before him, waiting quietly in the shadowy hangar and he gazed up at it for a long moment before climbing inside.

Time blurred as Heero reconnected with Wing for the first time since he'd left the Gundam on Earth weeks ago. As he shot into the dusky rose and golden hued sunset sky, his hands swept over the controls, bringing up monitors to read all of the latest reports. To his surprise, Relena's face was one of the first things to pop up, in an article detailing a group of Treize Faction "rebels" who were hiding out in Sanc Kingdom. _The meeting she had to take earlier… as it connected to this?_

Making an impulsive decision, he headed towards the base. In telling Quatre the truth of how he felt about Relena's total pacifism, he'd also come to the conclusion that as much as he couldn't be its advocate, he also couldn't stand by and watch its message of peace be obliterated by OZ. He'd had more than enough of the day that day he'd been tricked into blowing up Marshall Noventa's shuttle.

_This is it. This is the way I can repay the favor._

* * *

Heero had the feeling, several hours later, that Relena might not view his actions as a favor after all. She was currently glaring at him – well, technically, Noin and Quatre as well, but it seemed like most of it was directed at him – and he turned away, catching Quatre's eyes as he did. "A favor," he mouthed, giving him a small smile that he hoped the other understood for the peace offering it was.

Quatre nodded as he caught Heero's words, but keeping to his promise to himself, didn't try to press the other pilot for anything more. He and Noin had spoken at length on their way to the hangar earlier, and though Quatre found that he was still bothered by some of the things Heero had said to him, he also knew that he wasn't alone in being unsure of the right path to take. In the end, despite everything Heero had said to Quatre earlier, he had still chosen to defend Sanc, much to Quatre's pleasure and Relena's discontent. _Simply because it was the right thing to do?_ Quatre turned his attention to Noin as she stepped forward, bowing her head down to Relena in an apologetic manner.

"You'd probably say these things are unnecessary in the Sanc Kingdom, Relena. But Romefeller is getting more and more aggressive," Noin started, glancing up to see that Relena was trying hard to hold her tongue. Even though she and Quatre had spoken earlier and mutually agreed that the kingdom needed to be defended, Noin still wasn't sure if the young ruler would send her away for disregarding her instructions. "I know this is contrary to your beliefs, Relena. But I've come to the conclusion that we'll be destroyed without our own defense force. I take full responsibility." She took a deep breath, lowering her eyes again. "I'm prepared to accept any punishment."

Hearing Noin's speech, it was easy for Heero to realize that she, probably with Quatre's agreement since they'd shown up together, had come to the same conclusion about Sanc Kingdom that he had. As much as he didn't want to remain involved, he couldn't help but feel compelled to support Noin's argument. "You shouldn't feel remorseful. This level of military power would be far from enough to directly take on the Romefeller Foundation." He turned around, his eyes searching Relena's face, surprised to see true vulnerability there for the first time that he could remember. "We can't sit here and let them destroy us. As the former leader did." _I know it's harsh, but if we can't make her see the truth, she's going to end up with the same fate as her parents._

It was hard for Relena to stand there in front of some of the people she respected most and have them say these things. _How can a world of total pacifism exist if there is still anyone holding weapons? Why is there a need for defense if there is universal peace?_ "Heero," she said tentatively, her voice small as she considered their words against her father's legacy and her own beliefs. "Is my idea just a dream? Or even a mistake?"

_Not a dream… but also not a reality right now. _ "Romefeller eliminates anything they find inconvenient. Like the Space Colonies, and the Gundams. And now, Relena, you have become their target." He paused to let that information sink in, his eyes never leaving her face. "I'm a soldier. I'll crush them in battle. But the Foundation's current stance is against fighting. The times have taken a sudden turn. This battle is because of their impatience with the change. You propose total pacifism. The whole world is headed in that direction." He paused again, gesturing at Noin, who had turned to regard him in surprise. "You have to understand what Noin is saying. Right now defense is needed." Turning away, he started to walk back towards his Gundam, content to leave it to Noin to work out their specifics. "To make time for discussions, too."

"Heero, where are you going?" Relena was confused by what was happening, frustrated at her inability to understand what everyone else seemed to have already accepted. _Don't leave just as you've finally begun to hear my ideas._

Heero was already expecting the question and so he gave his own truth instead of the answer she wanted to hear. "I've done you a favor so you'll look for Trowa. I'll do what I think necessary." He glanced back over his shoulder at her. "There's no place for pacifism in my mind. The Gundams exist for battle."

There was no malice in his words and so she asked him, purely out of curiosity. "If you were me, how would you lead the Sanc Kingdom?"

"The same way as Noin. First build a defense unit. That'd be the best way to confront Romefeller now."

Relena was silent for a moment as she contemplated his words, compared them against Noin's and considered the day's events. _Maybe I need to give a little to get a little…_ "Heero and Noin, I approve. I give you my permission to do as you see fit."

"Relena… " Noin murmured, finally looking up at her in surprise.

"How can I expect to come up with a position the world agrees to if I can't even agree with the people closest to me?" She looked from Noin to Quatre to Heero and smiled a little, though there was a small hint of regret in her eyes. "Someday I'll find out what it is that gives everyone the urge to fight."

Heero walked away from Noin's response to head towards Wing, slowing only slightly when Quatre jogged to catch up with him. "Before you ask me: Yes, I'm going back to the Institution tonight. No, I don't know how long I'm staying. Until I decide it's time to go." He paused in both word and step, surprised at the small, pleased smile that appeared on Quatre's face.

"I wasn't going to ask," he claimed, swinging his arms behind his back to clasp one wrist in his other hand. _I can almost hear Duo's voice inside my head, telling me "don't push, just listen."_ He was surprised how much the other by had rubbed off on him during their month in Africa, now that he was away from the Zero System and sane enough to start understanding his own feelings again. Quatre had not forgotten how Heero had yelled about the consequences of putting down their weapons and he hoped he had proved Heero's accusation wrong by getting into the Leo suit today to defend Sanc Kingdom. He didn't know why, but it was as important to him to have the other boy's respect as it had been to have Duo's friendship, and he never questioned those intuitive feelings.

Heero studied Quatre's smile, one eyebrow quirking up in curiosity. "Sure you weren't…" he muttered, but it was meant in good humor. _Maybe we each had some figuring things out to do. _He reached for the cable to take him up into his mobile suit, turning back to add as an afterthought. "If Relena's willing to see the truth and make sensible compromises, maybe there's hope for the future of this Kingdom… and the rest of Earth."

_o/ And all the people who've seen it all before  
And all the people who already understand  
Know they're right  
and done it right  
Could I get to be like that?  
I don't know and I don't know  
It's harder everyday /o_

* * *

_o/ Can't lift a finger  
Can't hurt a fly  
I find I always move too slowly  
One thing's for certain  
I'm insecure  
I never knew 'til someone told me that /o_

Heero spent the three days following the establishment of Sanc Kingdom's official unofficial defense force hiding from Quatre, Dorothy, Noin and most especially, Relena. Although he wore the school uniform to blend in, he refused to attend any of the classes, instead wandering between the library and a stone bench in the courtyard. The battles between OZ and the dissident Treize Faction were nearing a climax and he was simply waiting for the right piece of information regarding a location to be disclosed before leaving. Although he had decided before coming to Sanc that the Treize Faction was little better than Romefeller's OZ, he was also certain that once OZ extinguished the Treize Faction, they would come after Sanc Kingdom next. _And the longer I can delay that, the better. The more OZ crumbles around the edges, the more there's hope the colonies and the people of Earth will stop supporting them._

Heero wasn't even reading the book in his hands as he sat on the stone bench, one leg crossed over the other, his eyes blankly focused on a yellow butterfly dusting its wings over the petals of a daisy as motives, plans and outcomes whirled in his mind. He noticed Relena's approach far too late to escape her back into the library.

"I wasn't expecting you to be there," she said softly, the genuine surprise in her voice making it obvious that she hadn't sought him out on purpose.

"Relena…"

She stared at him for a long moment before finally asking. "Mind if I sit beside you?" She had hardly seen him during the time he'd been here, but she'd contented herself with the fact that he at least hadn't left without saying goodbye.

Heero looked down and away, trying to focus on his book. "Do what you want. This is your country."

Relena wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or serious as she gazed at him a little sadly. "Guess so… _I do wonder if things would be different between us if it wasn't._ Sitting down beside him, she looked into the distance for a moment, then turned to look at him. "Heero, why do you stay in my country?" She'd been thinking for days now about their reunion at the airport, and though she hadn't figured out why he had changed or what had changed him, she'd started to see a hint of what was tangibly different. "In the past, you would have just gone off to battle despite how hard I tried to stop you." She noticed his eyes shift over to her, but she kept talking. "You were back home in space. But your homeland didn't treat you kindly. It must've been hard. Yet despite that, you keep on fighting. You've still got an intensity in your eyes that hasn't changed since I first met you."

Turning to look at her, Heero was surprised at her sudden attempt at perceptiveness. _Have I really changed?_ "I'm just…" he started, unsure of how to answer her, but he was saved by approaching footsteps. His eyes were still fixed on Relena's face and so he saw how her entire expression softened at the approaching figure before he turned and realized it was Dorothy standing before them.

"Forgive me for interrupting you, Relena."

Relena couldn't help the small smile on her face, always pleased to have her new friend near her. "Dorothy. What is it?"

Dorothy held out a small gold-embossed envelope. "This is an invitation to the Romefeller Foundation. No need to respond immediately, but an answer by dinnertime would be appreciated, so that proper travel arrangements can be made."

"Thank you, Dorothy," Relena replied, accepting the envelope and holding it carefully in her hands for a long moment until Dorothy had departed. Without opening it, she turned to look at Heero again. "Where was I? The intensity that hasn't changed?" She leaned towards him a little, her familiar nosy curiosity rising up again. "The situation with the colonies probably hurt, but that wouldn't be the kind of thing to change you, would it? But something else about you has changed, obviously… I just haven't figured out what, or perhaps who, caused that change." She was amused to see his cheeks flush as she slipped one finger under the edge of the envelope.

"Aren't you going to open that?" he gestured at the envelope stiffly, avoiding her leading statements.

"Yes," she said simply, popping the rest of the envelope open to slide the invitation out, reading it quickly. "Bremen Conference… they want to hear about total pacifism." Jumping up from the bench, she looked around the courtyard and frowned. "I'm sorry, Heero. I need to go speak with Dorothy and accept this invitation." Obviously distracted, she didn't even offer him a wave as she walked quickly across the courtyard towards her office.

Heero took her departure as the perfect opportunity to migrate back into the library, shelving his unread book before hacking into one of the institution's computers. Just as he'd expected, Relena's invitation coincided with the leak of a location for Operation Nova – Luxembourg. OZ was readying its final strike against the Treize Faction at the same time that Romefeller was priming Relena at its next target. _Assholes._

"Heero! I've been looking for you everywhere!" Closing down the files he was looking at, Heero rose from the desk and crossed the library to greet Quatre where he stood in the entrance. "Heero, did you hear? Noin told me that Relena's been invited to the Bremen Conference."

"I know," he responded, walking out of the library and heading for the main entrance of the institution. He wanted to make sure she had really departed and wouldn't stand in the way of his own departure. "She's leaving shortly." They walked down the first set of steps until they could overhear the fragmented end of a conversation between Noin, Relena, and Dorothy with Relena refusing Noin's offer to accompany her to the conference. As if realizing someone was watching her, she turned to look back at the stairs and saw that Heero and Quatre had come to see her off.

"Heero. Make me a promise. Don't leave here without telling me first."

Quatre watched Heero intently, surprised when the other boy gave a small nod. Relena smiled in return, seeming content with his response, but Quatre thought Dorothy seemed rather annoyed with the exchange. One arm still resting on the railing, he turned to Heero and asked. "Are you going to just let her go? Romefeller considers this country's ideas dangerous. If anything happens to her…" Heero turned and started to walk away and Quatre let go of the railing, taking a step towards him. "Heero!"

"Quatre, I couldn't stop her even if I wanted to – and I don't, because what she does is not my concern or my responsibility." His mind made up, Heero was striding purposefully towards the elevator that would take him to the mobile suit hangar.

Deciding that he could no more stop Heero than he could stop Relena, Quatre followed him into the elevator. He wanted to tell Heero about his talk with Noin, about the need for the Gundams as superior suits to combat the mobile dolls. Quatre wanted to share the awakening he was coming to, but it felt awkwardly personal and for all that he'd insisted on being an open ear for the other boy, he was sure if the same applied in reverse. "I… I think I might be leaving as well, at least temporarily," he finally said, following Heero into the hangar and watching as he typed commands into the control center beside Wing. "Heero… What are you trying to do?"

"A large number of mobile dolls are expected to arrive in Luxembourg," Heero finally revealed, hoping he'd waited long enough that Quatre wouldn't have time to stop him.

"What?!"

"The Treize Faction headquarters are in Luxembourg," he responded matter-of-factly. "Romefeller's trying to crush them all at once." _But I'm going to stop them._

Quatre stepped up to look incredulously at the files Heero had pulled up on the control center's screen. "They're gonna send this many mobile dolls to Earth? Even Luxembourg won't stand a chance."

"Once the battle's lost, those mobile dolls will be dispersed across the world." Heero grabbed the cable to pull himself up and into Wing, looking back as Quatre turned to him in alarm.

"Even you can't defeat that many mobile dolls by yourself! If you insist on going, then I'm going with you!" _I'll prove to you that I'm still in this fight! Our methods may be different, but we're both still after the same goal!_ His quest to recover Sandrock could wait if he was needed elsewhere.

Heero shook his head, his mind already made up. "No. You stay here." _Our paths must diverge… because I can see in your eyes that you've found some purpose again, and we all have to follow our hearts._

"But…" Quatre tried one more time, staring up at Heero in dismay.

"You can't afford to get killed at this stage." _I know you won't be whole again until you find Sandrock and make peace with Trowa._ He gazed down at Quatre, forcing his expression to remain stern. "Not until you find Trowa." He refused to give the other boy a chance to answer, disappearing inside Wing's cockpit.

Moments later, he was soaring through the sky on his way to Luxembourg, hoping he wasn't too late to prevent the mobile dolls from invading the Earth in the name of peace.

* * *

_Don't die. Keep fighting and live through this! You pilots mustn't die yet_.

* * *

"Thanks for coming, Heero Yuy. A heart-felt welcome, my dear messenger of peace."

Heero couldn't quite believe that after all this time, he was finally standing face to face with the man who he'd wanted to kill for so long. What was stopping him from pulling the trigger immediately? "You're Treize."

"That should be obvious. Now go ahead and shoot me. End this battle." There was a long moment of silence as Treize stared down the gun that was aimed directly between his eyes. "What's the matter? The war won't end as long as I'm alive. Isn't that the reason you came here?"

Heero had fought the mobile dolls until his Gundam could fight no more, and then the strange message had come, the audio crackling on Wing's damaged sound system, a message urging him onward. He knew now that that the voice was none other than Treize - Treize who had summoned him to Luxembourg and was now begging for his death. None of it sat right with Heero at all and so he demanded. "Tell me why you let me in.

Treize had already decided he had nothing to lose by being honest with the Gundam pilot. "A few months ago, I programmed the computer to accept you. I thought one day, I could have a long talk with you and the other Gundam pilots."

"I'm not interested." _Has he lost his mind, living alone in this dark castle?_

"Of course not," Treize scoffed lightly. "You pilots should be thinking only about attaining peace. Peace for the Earth. Or rather peace for the entire universe." He started to walk down the staircase separating him from Heero, one slow and careful step at a time.

"Fighting is my only concern," Heero replied shortly. "Peace is merely an outcome after the fighting has ended." _I'll leave the future's total pacifism to Relena. I'm done as soon as this war is ended._

"Then tell me," Treize answered, now a mere few steps away. "Who's your enemy? Is it me? Or OZ? Is it Romefeller? Or is it your faraway home, the colonies that betrayed you?"

This was the second time in one day that someone had tried to insinuate that Heero's actions were colored by the colonies' betrayal, and each time brought him one step closer to being absolutely certain that nothing could be farther from the truth. He was no longer fighting _for_ someone or even _against_ someone - he wasn't running Dr. J's missions anymore. "Whoever stands before me and tries to kill me. That is my enemy."

"In that case, your battles will never end since your enemy is destiny itself."

"Maybe so. But I'll continue to fight. That's the only choice I have. I am ready to die anytime for that."

"Aren't you ready to accept your destiny yet? From that perspective, Relena Peacecraft is a much stronger person than you. I am surprised that even you are exhausted from fighting. It is sad but no one can change the course of time." Treize walked past Heero, forcing the pilot to turn slowly to keep his gun trained on Treize.

_Do I even believe in destiny?_ _If it exists, how do we know it? Can we change it? _"You should be able to," Heero said slowly, his finger twitching against the trigger of his gun. "You once had the power to change history. You only had to do it again."

"I have no such intention."

Heero was quiet for a moment, unsure of what else to say. "I see."

Treize stared at Wing's pilot for a long moment before admitting quietly. "My greatest happiness in life was being able to talk with you." He whipped an ornate gun out of his inside pocket and turned it on Heero. "And now I understand. My own death must coincide with yours. Now that we've met each other, let's leave ourselves in God's hands."

_I don't believe in God. Do I care if he kills me the instant I kill him? Could this possibly be the end?_ "You're a poor loser. It doesn't matter to me."

"A soldier who's willing to die. That's the most correct attitude a person can take to fight." Treize almost wanted to laugh at how similar their positions were, even as they were standing on opposite sides in a war. "But unfortunately, you don't know who to fight against. That makes you the same as me. My battle has also come to an end."

"Your battle hasn't ended," Heero snapped, Treize's words hitting far too close to the bullseye of Heero's dilemma. "Even as we speak, countless soldiers are sacrificing their lives for you. I know for certain that your battle hasn't ended! If anything has ended…" He trailed off, pausing to reword the sentiment in his mind. "Or rather, if anything should end, then it's my own miserable and useless resistance." _I keep hearing Trowa calling us "redundant soldiers" in my mind and every day I'm wondering if he was right._

"Heero Yuy, I implore you, please don't disappoint me any further," Treize said, unsettled by the moody declaration of the pilot. "You mustn't _be_ in the same position as myself." Lowering the gun, he turned and walked to the nearby bookcase, pulling a book off the shelf and removing a keycard. "I have a guide that will show you how to live."

* * *

The red target lights blink, blur and shift too rapidly.

"Are they enemies? No, they're just ordered to fight. Then are they the enemies? No… It's the same. It's just like Wing Zero."

It is worse than Wing Zero, far worse. Heero's own memories flash on Epyon's monitors as if the monster is feeding straight off of his mind.

"_Heero, make me a promise…"_

"_Protect Master Treize. I beg you."_

"_Regretfully, there wasn't any future for me to choose from."_

Heero is slicing through Marshall Noventa's shuttle again. He is standing at the edge of Wing's cockpit, the detonator switch in his hand. He is watching the fireball of Vayeate and hearing Quatre's wailing in the background. He is engulfed by the heat of buildings tumbling around him, cradling a dead puppy. He is watching his mentor assassinate someone whose importance he won't understand until it's far, far too late. It always seems to be too late and the whole of his future is nothing but the culmination of his failures…

"My future… My death…" Heero's vision clears long enough for him to be aware of the carnage and he is violently ill inside Epyon's cockpit. He has no idea how he even comes to find himself on the lawn of Treize's castle. Jumping down from the mobile suit, he stands with shaking legs, his vision blackening at the edges and Treize's voice sounding like a foreign language. _He's holding out a gun…_

"Treize… I don't have the right to do it."

Heero doesn't feel himself hit the ground even though he knows his body has given out – he's falling and falling, but there's no landing, no surface beneath him – until suddenly there is.

It's a corridor, maybe, one of the endless hallways in a school except there are no windows, no doors. Heero looks down and sees only inky smoke swirling around his feet. A black feather drifts by and he plucks it out of the air, follows the hallway toward a shimmer of light.

The hallway dissipates into a larger indeterminable space, where on a plain wooden bench, Duo is sitting, leaning against the back, one ankle crossed over the other, his eyes closed and his head bowed, almost as if in prayer. His braid is pulled over his shoulder, but the end of it floats in the air as if this place lacks conventional gravity.

"Duo?" Heero whispers the name in confusion, standing just out of hand's reach.

Duo's head snaps up and his eyes open, the brilliant indigo the only color in this landscape of grays. He smiles at Heero, though it doesn't seem to fully reach his eyes, and pats the open space beside him. "Heero."

"What are you doing here?"

Duo tilts his head, his expression shifting to bemused. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I'm… dreaming? Hallucinating? Dying? I… I'm not sure." Heero sits down beside Duo, shaking his head slowly, the black feather still clutched in his hand. It surprises him when Duo places one hand lightly on his leg and he looks up to see the other boy gazing at him rather wistfully.

"Is this really all you see?"

"What are you talking about? I don't see-"

But Duo has put a finger to his lips to silence him, leans in to replaces that finger with his lips.

For Heero, it's the first breath of air in an existence he's been utterly drowning in and he wastes no time. His hands are in Duo's hair and he's plundering that familiar mouth with his tongue desperately and it doesn't feel like he's dreaming but intellectually, he keeps trying to remind himself that he is.

_This isn't real._

"Your mind, your thoughts – your decisions and your desires," Duo is whispering, his hands are on either side of Heero's face and there's a frantic, fragmented quality to his speech. "They aren't real?"

"I…" Heero starts, but the hoarse word catches in his dry throat and he can't seem to speak any more.

The gravity-defying braid floats around them in a curl and Heero can see there is a white feather stuck through the very end, a feather Duo snatches as he jumps up. It appears to Heero that he is floating, writing in the empty space as he continues to whisper hurriedly over his shoulder.

"The futures Epyon shows you are not the only possible outcomes, Heero… but they are currently the only possible outcomes you are allowing yourself to see, to believe exist…"

Heero is holding both the black and white feathers in his hand now, rising in alarm as Duo pushes against the open space and there is a window where there was nothing, a beachscape, the ocean and the horizon beyond. He turns to question Duo, but the other boy has stepped back out of reach.

"As long as that's all you want to see…as long as you keep pushing people away and not trusting yourself…not opening yourself to envisioning other futures…"

The ceiling and the walls are crumbling around them now, smoking pieces of twisted metal and hunks of jagged stone and Heero is scrambling over the debris, trying to get to Duo, but the only light is coming from the window behind him and the opening is shrinking, and he can't _get_ to Duo.

The darkness is impenetrable and the silence absolute.

_o/ If that's all you will be  
You'll be a waste of time  
You've dreamed a thousand dreams  
None seem to stick in your mind /o_

* * *

**Up Next: Chapter 15 - Stars**

* * *


	15. Ch 15 Stars

**Author's Notes:** I've had houseguests all weekend after spending most of last week caught up in orchestra rehearsals of for a concert. After penning a new song for the graduation ceremony, I now have two weeks left of intense rehearsals left before the year is out. Once school's over, I'm hoping my pace will pick up again. Kinda brutal right now. But I'm babbling. This chapter is where everyone starts to come together for the first time, truly. Thanks to my reviewers:

**KaeruShisho: **I'm really glad you enjoyed Heero's dream sequence - I had a lot of fun writing it, but had no idea how it would be taken. :) Fanfiction for Heero & Quatre? Hmm...

**roninlvr: **I would be honored if you wanted to print the story out to keep a copy of it. I never mind people enjoying the things I write for themselves, and it's not as if you're re-posting it somewhere or trying to take credit. ;) I'm glad you're enjoying all the little bits of Heero & Duo - there's plenty more to come soon, promise!

Next chapter should bring us to Peacemillion and finally to a point where the time frame is a little looser with room for characters to interact.

* * *

**Chapter 15 - Stars (Episodes 36-38)**

The icy rain had soaked through his clothing hours ago, but he hardly noticed the chill seeping slowly into his bones. Sometimes when he closed his eyes, he could see a vast tapestry of stars as if he was floating among them, but he couldn't recall how he'd gotten from that point to wandering these unfamiliar streets. He couldn't remember where he was supposed to be going and found that when he tried to think about himself, he couldn't even remember his own name.

Walking past the open doorways of the shops, he could smell a wide array of cooking food, but he couldn't really remember the namesof any of the smells. In one window, there was a brightly lit box_ TV_ flashing images of an explosion and the audio bellowed loudly.

"…serious threat, that part of Colony L5 detonated itself today. There were no survivors. Although some reports claim a Gundam was seen in the vicinity, there is no truth to these rumors. OZ encourages…"

He didn't know what or where a colony was. Was this a colony? _Gundam… what's a Gundam?_ The report changed to something else and he moved on, his eyes drawn to a bright red, round, juicy _apple_ and he reached out a hand.

"Got the money to pay for that?"

He jumped back, snatching his hand away as if it had been burned. "M-money…" he mumbled. Sensing danger in the old man's expression, he backed further away, turning and continuing down the street. He looked up for a moment, but there were no stars – just an endless, drab gray, with water falling out of it to blur his vision. He didn't see the girl until he nearly crashed into her.

"Trowa? Is that you, Trowa?" He looked up at her dazedly, the name echoing in his ears. _Trowa… I'm… Trowa?_ It took him another moment to realize that she was still speaking to him. "It's me. Catherine! You didn't forget me, did you?"

Trowa took in the curly hair and the shiny eyes, tried to connect the face with the name with the odd pieces of feeling tugging at his heart. "Catherine…?"

At the broken rasp of his voice, Catherine's eyes went wide and she stepped closer, shielding him from the rain with her umbrella. "T-Trowa!"

"I'm…" Trowa paused, glancing upwards at the umbrella as if he was confused by the sudden absence of rain. "…hungry."

"Hungry…" Catherine murmured, her eyes filling with tears as she watched him look around, his eyes not really focusing on anything in particular. He seemed so much more vulnerable than she'd ever seen him before – exhausted, soaked to the bone, with an empty and sad expression in his eyes. _Oh, Trowa… what happened to you?_ "Do you want to come with me? We have food and a place to sleep… it's-it's warm and dry."

As she reached to touch his arm, Trowa's eyes widened and he jumped back in alarm. "Friend?" he asked hesitantly, a hint of panic in his voice.

Seeing the absolute terror in his eyes nearly broken Catherine's heart and she left her hand out, hanging in front of him. "Sister…" she finally choked out, blinking the tears away. "Please, Trowa… come with me so your sister can take care of you."

Trowa stood motionless for a long moment and then, ever-so-slowly, he reached his own hand out and placed it in Catherine's, mumbling softly. "Sis…"

* * *

_o/ Maybe I've been the problem  
Maybe I'm the one to blame  
But even when I turn it off and blame myself  
The outcome feels the same /o_

"I told you I didn't want to be disturbed."

"I thought you might forgive me if I was coming to ask for your advice."

"You don't need my advice." Heero didn't look up from the computer screen he was studying, nor did he stop typing. He wouldn't demand that Noin leave, though, for a multitude of reasons. The first was that he was still a guest in Sanc Kingdom, and the second was that Noin was a far more tolerable interruption than Relena. The last, which he hardly wanted to admit to himself, was that she hadn't pressed him for details when he'd returned mysteriously several days ago with an entirely different Gundam than the one he'd left Sanc in before his trip to Luxembourg. Heero knew Noin was curious, but she'd managed to restrain herself from barraging him with questions, and for that, he was grateful. _It would be difficult to answer questions when I have trouble remembering exactly what transpired myself._

"Well, if you won't give me your advice, will you at least listen to what I have to say?" Noin leaned against the railing beside the console that Heero was working at, gazing absently into the darkness of the hangar. She didn't think she really had a chance in the world of convincing Heero to help her defend the kingdom, but seeing as Quatre had not yet returned from his quest to retrieve Sandrock, she didn't know what else to do.

"You're going to continue talking no matter what answer I give," Heero responded, still focused on the screen. He had hoped that taking a look at Epyon through computer schematics would help him better understand the system, but even with its similarities to Wing Zero, there was still something decidedly unsettling about the machine. Heero had only vague recollections of the battle in Luxembourg after his meeting with Treize and almost no memory at all between that time and the moment he'd found himself inside Epyon, parked at the edge of Sanc Kingdom. It made him uncomfortable to realize that he still wasn't sure how he'd ended up there when the last thing he could remember was Treize holding out a gun to him. Shaking off his tangential train of thought, he tried to focus on what Noin was saying.

"…chosen to ignore the obvious implications of harboring those fugitives and now OZ's mobile doll troops have moved to the Sanc Kingdom's borders and forces are building up in the surrounding military bases. It won't be long before Romefeller moves in to crush the Sanc Kingdom. I wish to defend it, but Relena insists on non-violence and disarmament. I understand Relena's ideals… However, we can't ignore that Romefeller's military is trying to invade the country." Noin paused for a moment, wondering if Heero was even listening to her.

"Relena's too caught up in her ideals." _Still, at least she knows clearly where she stands and why._

Noin blinked at the prompt and sharp reply. "What's that mean?"

"With things the way they are around the world, total pacifism is impossible." Heero thought they had already come to this conclusion when Relena had allowed the creation of a defense force, so he wasn't sure why Noin seemed uncertain again.

"So you're disputing Relena's ideals?" she asked curiously, as if maybe she wanted that to be what he was getting at so she didn't feel so guilty herself for doubting the princess.

"No. Total pacifism is what people are hoping for. And people can't live without hope." Not feeling the need to explain any further, he rose and moved to a different console to pull up some other charts. If Romefeller was going to be attacking Sanc, then he ought to be ready to leave as soon as possible. Protecting Sanc Kingdom in particular was not of much concern to him, except in the fact that he still considered Romefeller to be one the largest threat to true peace. _I've come to understand that my job is to fight the battles that enable someone like Relena to guide the world into a peaceful time. By taking out the people who are trying to rule by force and fear, maybe more people will respond to Relena's message of total pacifism._

Noin watched the pilot as he worked quietly, turning his response over in her mind. _It may be what they are hoping for, but does anyone besides Relena believe it is truly a possibility?_ "Heero," she questioned softly, more out of curiosity then for any other reason. "Do you have any hopes of your own?"

Heero's hands froze for a moment, hovering over the keyboard. He couldn't remember the last time he had taken the time to actually consider his own hopes or desires - or if he ever really had at all. "I only wanna fight against those who try to conquer," he answered automatically, but he was grateful when Noin didn't seem to be paying careful attention to his response. Words came rushing back into his mind as he stared blankly at Epyon's schematics. -- _Your mind, your thoughts – your decisions and your desires – they aren't real?_ -- His own heartbeat felt suddenly overly loud and rapid in his ears, but he couldn't recall exactly where the words were coming from – was it something someone had said to him? Who and when? Why was the half-formed memory affecting him so strongly?

Noin was muttering, more to herself than to Heero, and so she didn't notice his lapse in typing or the confused look that passed over his expression. "I wonder how Quatre's doing… I hope he comes back as soon as possible."

"Quatre will return as soon as he retrieves Sandrock," Heero reassured her, closing the schematics and rising from the console, still feeling as if something he needed to move forward was locked up in his memory. Above them, Epyon gazed down menacingly, as if daring him to step back inside and surrender himself to its dangerous grip in order to seek the answer.

"I know," Noin replied, following Heero was he walked towards the unfamiliar mobile suit. "But wouldn't you consider helping to defend this country again?"

There was a long moment of silence before Heero answered her. "I'll follow you when I'm ready… but don't depend on my support."

* * *

_o/ I've been thinking maybe I've been partly cloudy  
Maybe I'm the chance of rain  
And maybe I'm overcast  
And maybe all my luck's washed down the drain /o_

Now that he'd seen the true sky from Earth, from the vivid cerulean blue through the trees of the African jungle to the way it blurred violet and rose as it melted into the sunset ocean horizon, the weather control's imitation, with its cornflower hue and randomly-placed, repeating pattern of clouds, paled in comparison. As Duo ambled slowly along the road leading into the park, he tore his gaze from the "sky" and pulled the baseball cap low again. _The days are ticking by and what am I doing?_

It had been a complete accident, stumbling across Hilde on a salvage mission in space two weeks ago, and as much as he owed her for taking him in and giving him a place to complete the last adjustments on his new Deathscythe Hell, he was growing more and more uncomfortable with every passing day. The former OZ soldier had been dismissed from her position after assisting Duo in his infiltration of the Lunar Base, but she'd taken it in stride, going home to re-open her parents' salvage business. Duo knew she was lonely and happy to have his company, but she tended to sour anytime the war was brought up and Duo had taken to pretending he was more cheerful and content than he really was.

The situation had only escalated when OZ had dragged him into helping with the testing of Wing Zero, and since escaping that mess, he'd started to move around constantly to avoid being pinned down by them again. Hilde knew a little bit about him, his situation, and the other pilots, but it was better not to let her get any more involved. Duo was keeping strange hours, only coming back to the salvage yard when he desperately needed a good night's sleep without having to watch over his shoulder. In some ways, he hadn't felt this transient since he was living on the streets, before meeting Professor G. It wasn't a good feeling, but it kept him from falling into OZ's clutches again and he hated putting Hilde in danger.

Every night now, he was scouring news reports, but beyond the vague hint that a Gundam had been involved in L5's destruction several days ago, there had been no news of the Gundams at all from Earth or the colonies. Even the fiasco at Luxembourg, with OZ trying to destroy the Treize Faction headquarters, had ended with zero survivors and no answers. Duo felt certain that a Gundam had to have been involved for it to have been called a total draw, but the media had remained curiously silent on the issue, much to his frustration. With the Treize Faction mostly out of the way, it seemed that OZ's next move would be to march on the peaceful Sanc Kingdom and crush the little pacifist standing like a lone candle flickering in the wind.

Having completely lost touch with the other pilots, Duo had no idea what to do next and as much as he tried to hide his frustrated behavior from Hilde, his absences were growing longer and her agitation with him was starting to show.

He could see her now as he rounded the corner, sitting on a park bench in a floppy pink hat and petting a shaggy white dog, waiting at their previously appointed spot. She was so engrossed that she didn't even notice his approach until he sat down next to her with a soft noise of exasperation.

"How'd it go?" she asked him lightly.

Duo wasn't stupid – he knew she didn't really want to know. She wanted to stay inside her bubble and wait for the storm to pass, and in some ways, he couldn't really blame her. "The meeting was getting nowhere." It was easy for all of the different factions against Romefeller's rule to consider each other allies now, but once they took out the "bad guy", what proof was there that they wouldn't turn against each other? How did they plan to mediate amongst themselves? After watching the colonies turn on the Gundams and join sides with OZ, Duo's already lacking ability to trust others was more dented than ever and he had little faith in the rebel groups until they could find an answer to that question. _I start to wonder if it's possible for a world to exist where no one feels the need to rule others with force._ "Hey, I wonder what true peace really means."

"Huh?"

Duo didn't even realize he'd voiced his thoughts out loud until Hilde turned to look at him in surprise. Immediately realizing that he'd let his cheerful façade drop too far, he waved his hands in front of himself defensively. "Uh, nothing!" He reached to scratch the back of his head with one hand, forcing a small laugh. "Just delete that! Was that out of character or what, huh?"

Hilde stared at Duo hard for a moment, but his smile didn't falter, so she jumped up with a smile of her own, all too happy to brush his disconcerting comment aside. "Duo! Let's go somewhere fun!"

That was the last thing he'd been expecting to hear and his hand slowed to a stop in midair, coming down from his scratch. "Somewhere fun?"

"Yeah, let's go! Grabbing his arm, Hilde hauled him off the bench and dragged him through the park with surprising speed. "Hurry, let's go! I've hardly seen you the past few days! We should enjoy our time together!"

"Where are you taking me?" But no sooner had he asked the question then Duo saw the large, yellow tent rising up in front of them. "The circus…?"

"I've never been before!" She stopped at the ticket booth, turning to look at Duo with excitement in her eyes and he found that he just couldn't crush her spirit by saying no. _I'll just have to keep an eye on the exits in case anyone recognizes me._

"If it'll make you happy…" Duo followed Hilde inside, let her choose their seats, let her pick out their snacks and tried to act as if he was interested. It wasn't hard, really, because it seemed that she was satisfied with his nods and occasional smiles and the acts were certainly entertaining.

"See, isn't this fun?"

"You said it!"

"Now a young clown will perform with the king of beasts, the lion!" Duo turned to watch as the ringmaster introduced the next act, and his eyes were immediately drawn to the lithe figure of the clown as he flipped out into the ring. Hilde yelped beside him as the lion went racing towards the clown, but one more flip and the boy was riding on the lion's back, upside-down and supported by only one hand.

"Excellent! Hilde giggled a little, pillowing her cheek in one hand with relief and admiration. "I could fall for that clown!"

Having wondered more than once in recent weeks if Hilde was interested in _him_, her statement came as a surprise to Duo, leaving him feeling even more awkward. "Whatever…" he trailed off as the lion came around the ring again and the clown turned their way. _Is that…?_ "Huh?" He watched as the clown flipped around to ride the lion like a horse and decided it was unmistakable. "It's him! He's…"

"Duo?" Hilde turned to him in confusion, leaning in a little closer. "Duo, do you know that clown? Is he a friend of yours?"

"Pilot…" he muttered distractedly, standing up, but Trowa and the lion had already exited and the next act had begun. _Trowa… Trowa was with Heero, the last time I saw them…_ The events at the Lunar Base felt so far in the past – this was the longest he'd gone without seeing Heero since the time he and Quatre had spent in Africa – but if Trowa was no longer undercover in OZ, something had changed and maybe he knew where Heero was now. "Damn…" he muttered under his breath before turning to Hilde, offering her an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, Hilde, but…don't wait for me."

Not chancing a response argument, Duo practically skipped down the stairs of the bleachers until he reached the floor, sprinting out the main exit and heading around the side of the tent just in time to catch the clown disappearing into another, smaller tent a little farther off. _Maybe Heero's staying with him at the circus, just like he did when they were on Earth!_ The thought that the other boy might be waiting just beyond those flaps sent Duo into a run and he stopped only when he was just outside the tent, catching the end of a conversation through the partially open flap.

"Was that good enough?"

"You bet! The crowd sure loved you."

"That's good."

Duo didn't recognize the enthusiastic female voice, but the boy was definitely Trowa. Pushing the flap of the tent aside, he stuck his head in. "Trowa! It IS you, Trowa!" Dashing towards the pair, he grabbed Trowa by the shoulders and shook him excitedly, unable to keep the joy off of his face. "Where are the others?! How's Heero?! Isn't he with you?" Pausing for a breath, Duo froze as Trowa avoided his eyes, glancing over at his female companion with a look of complete panic on his face. _Something's wrong…_

Time moved in slow motion for Duo as Trowa met his gaze momentarily, and his stomach sank at the lack of recognition in the green eyes. "Get out!" The girl was racing towards them and time sped up again as she slapped Duo's hands away and placed her arms protectively around a shell-shocked and shaking Trowa. "You must be an old friend from his past, but Trowa's not going to be doing any more fighting!"

Stunned, Duo took a slow step forward again, his hands out in front of him in a helpless and confused gesture. "Trowa! What's gotten into you/?!"

"Get out! Just leave us!" the girl yelled again, glaring daggers at Duo while trying to soothe Trowa.

_What the hell happened?! "_Trowa…" Duo rasped, his heart clenching as he stared at the other boy, who refused to even look his way. "I'm Duo! Do you remember me? Do you know where Heero is?

"Is there a problem back here, Catherine?"

Duo turned to see the ring master, now without his hat and cape, striding quickly towards them. _The show must be over._ _ I can't have him calling the soldiers on me._ "I was just leaving," Duo called to him, walking towards the flap he'd entered through. Looking back at Trowa's still shaking form, he bit his lip hard before turning away. "Case of mistaken identity."

Out in front, people were streaming out of the main tent in a noisy, happy bustle and Duo let himself blend into the crowd, walking away from the area at a furious pace, his hands balled into fists, jammed into his pockets. He found himself blinking back tears and raised one fist to rub at his eyes angrily. "What the _fuck_," he muttered under his breath. "How the hell did he end up like that?"

_Something horrible had to have happened! I haven't seen anyone that shell-shocked since…since…no, I don't want to think about that!_ _I don't want to think about that night and I don't want to think about what could have happened to Trowa… or Heero. _

Making a sharp and sudden turn, Duo weaved his way through a group of people and pushed open the door to a run-down bar. It was very dark inside, the air choked with cigarette smoke and the scent of cheap alcohol, and Duo walked slowly to the bar, sitting down on a stool and looking up at the bartender from under the rim of the baseball cap.

"Wild Turkey, straight up," he demanded, then noticed the bartender open his mouth to object and narrowed his eyes dangerously. "Just leave the bottle."

_gwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgw_

_There was a smoky taste to it, and it scorched something awful going down. It was like consuming the same fire that was burning around him and for that reason, it made him feel just a little bit better._

_These were Duo's thoughts as he sat curled into a stone alcove amidst the smoldering ruins of the church, a silver flask cradled between his small hands._

_A trail of blood led from Sister Helen to the bodies of the dead soldiers to the place where Duo now sat – his own hands were coated in it - and the air smelled foul and felt like poison in his lungs when he breathed._

_Three sips, four, five and the edges of the world had gone blurry, but still the pain did not cease. He could see his own eyes reflected back at him in the scratched surface of the silver, dark and hollowed like he was death itself._

_gwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgwgw_

Duo's derailed train of thought was yanked back to the present moment when a familiar face filled the screen of the TV hanging in the corner of the bar. _Relena…?_ He set down the bottle and squinted in the darkness, straining his ears to listen, but as she spoke, the bar got quieter and quieter.

"I'm the chief representative of the Sanc Kingdom, Relena Peacecraft. Our country is under attack after OZ declared war on us. Armed combat counters the beliefs of the Sanc Kingdom and its pacifism. But if we become a target for OZ to conduct battle, I shall renounce the nation's sovereignty and dissolve this nation. Total pacifism should not be the cause of battle under any circumstances. I am therefore surrendering myself to OZ. This is to further my ideal of peace. Stop the fighting! You no longer have a reason to fight this battle."

"And so the pacifist becomes the spokesman for the enemy, proving once again that no one is trustworthy." Duo picked up the bottle again with a scowl. _Trowa's mind is gone. Heero is MIA. I don't even know if Quatre's alive anymore. And Wu Fei… well… he's Wu Fei. I'm alone and maybe all my luck's washed down the drain._ "To no longer having a reason to fight the battle." Duo tipped back the bottle and wished for oblivion.

_o/ I've been thinking 'bout everyone,  
Everyone you look so lonely /o_

* * *

"I'm taking Wing Zero."

It felt like the first correct decision he'd made in quite awhile.

Thick clouds covered the night sky, making the world seem as boxed in as a colony as he took off in a new direction

Relena had done the unthinkable, siding with Romefeller, and Heero was going to kill her.

_o/ Stars looking at a planet  
Watching entropy and pain  
And maybe to start to wonder  
How the chaos in our lives could pass as sane /o_

* * *

When Duo had reappeared at the salvage yard two days later, looking exhausted and worse for the wear, Hilde had let him in without demanding an explanation and life had continued on in the same pattern as before. At least, Duo had tried to keep pretending that everything was fine, helping her with the shopping, the salvage yard and the filing, but his mind still drifted and his heart still ached. He wasn't sorry that he'd drank himself into a stupor that night, but it hadn't made him forget the look in Trowa's eyes. _I just need something to point me in the right direction… what do I do next?_

"Duo…"

"Huh?" The sound of Hilde's voice interrupted his drifting thoughts and Duo sat up a little straighter in his chair. "Oh, sorry. I'm done filing my stuff."

The circles under Duo's eyes were obvious to Hilde, but she didn't know how to help her friend. It had been okay at first, the two of them working together, but then OZ had come and taken Duo away that one day. Things had been tougher after that with his frequent disappearances, but ever since the incident at the circus, Duo had been even more moody and distracted. As much as she wanted to pretend that everything was fine, she was starting to realize that maybe that was just making things even worse for her friend. "Duo. Still thinking about that guy?"

Duo made a small noise of agreement as he looked down, unable to keep the bothered look off of his face. If she was going to call him on it, the least he could do was be honest. "It's just depressing to think that could've happened to a fellow Gundam pilot." He paused and turned away. "And I've been wondering what'll happen to the colonies now. It makes me wonder."

"Why are you getting so down?" she snapped back in agitation, wondering what had happened to the fierce optimism of the boy she'd lost her job over. "You're gonna live the life you believe in. That's what you told me."

"Yeah, that's right." Duo stood up, putting on his purposefully cheerful smile. _Maybe it's time to disappear again for a few days before I drive Hilde crazy. Just need a good excuse to get of here for awhile…or maybe for good. _"Well, maybe I should start by finding a decent job."

"Here's a new job." Sliding the keyboard closer, she typed into the search engine to pull up the advertisement she'd seen that morning and started reading through it again. "They need mobile suit workers at a natural resource satellite. Huh?"

Duo took a step closer at her confusion, leaning to read the screen over her shoulder. "What is it, Hilde?"

"Look; this satellite belongs to the Winner family," she glanced up at Duo and saw the ripple of surprise pass through him.

"The Winner family?" he whispered in disbelief, his eyes widening.

Hilde shook her head slightly. "I'd heard that operations had been suspended indefinitely since the owner was killed."

Duo felt the first genuine smile in ages warm his face. "That must mean the son in the family's come home." _Quatre's alive… it has to be… and maybe he knows, maybe he's talked to…_

"Will he give you a job?"

Impulsively, Duo wrapped his arms around Hilde from behind and kissed the top of her head, not nothering to answer her question. "I need to go see him, Hil," he enthused, barely noticing her surprised expression. "I've got to leave right away!"

* * *

Even though he and Quatre had not seen each other since leaving Africa together, Duo wasn't worried as he sat waiting in a black leather chair in the lobby of the extremely tall office building. So much had happened since their parting and yet he somehow knew that Quatre would greet him warmly. It was an intuitive sense, after the time they'd spent together, that told him that very little could come between them and he wanted to trust those feelings. He wanted to trust them so badly because he really wasn't sure what to believe in these days.

"All right, I'll leave the rest… "

It was with giddy anticipation that he waved over his shoulder at the sound of Quatre's voice, enjoying how the blond trailed off mid-sentence in shock. Jumping up, Duo spun around, hands on his hips and braid flying, and grinned. "Hi, Quatre. Long time no see."

Quatre had stopped cold at the sight of the hand in the air and his heart jumped into his throat as the familiar back of a head turned to present an even more familiar face. "Duo!" he yelled, running towards his friend with a joyful laugh that bubbled up from inside.

Duo opened his arms as Quatre ran to him and picked his slightly smaller friend up, spinning him in a circle as they hugged each other tightly. It felt as if the iron vise on his heart loosened a little just by having Quatre with him again. "Quatre! It's been too long!"

Not quite ready to let go of Duo yet, Quatre let himself enjoy the rush of warmth and relief before reluctantly releasing him and taking a step back. "You're going to come and sit with me for a cup of tea," he said firmly.

"You think I'd turn you down?" Duo grinned, folding his arms behind his head and following Quatre down the hallway to an elevator, which rose far up into the building before opening into a large room. Duo's jaw dropped as Quatre moved to the table in the center where a steaming teapot sat waiting, because the entire wall of the room beyond the table and chairs was made of glass. "Incredible…" Duo drifted over to the floor-length window, gazing out at the city spread below them with wonder in his eyes. "This view…"

Coming to stand next to him at the window, Quatre handed Duo a small tea cup. "Duo, I owe you such an apology."

Duo brought the cup to his mouth and blew on it softly. "What are you talking about?"

"Leaving Earth, we got separated, my calculations were off--"

Reaching out with one hand, Duo touched Quatre's arm lightly and shook his head swiftly. "Ancient history that I never ever blamed you for in the first place!" Duo couldn't stop smiling as he stared at Quatre, overjoyed to be reunited with his friend. He wanted to tell Quatre everything – drifting in space, being captured, Heero rescuing him, meeting Hilde, the craziness at the Lunar Base, Wing Zero - but he hardly knew where to begin. "So much has happened…where did you end up after we were separated?"

Quatre took a sip of his tea and then moved to sit in one of the two chairs beside the table. The whole time he'd been on Earth with Heero, he'd been longing for Duo's company, his open-minded ear, but now that his friend was here with him, he was unsure how to begin his tale. _How can I tell him about building Zero? How can I explain what happened to Trowa? Does he have any idea of what Sanc Kingdom is?_ "I… I drifted in space for awhile until a resource satellite found me."

"A family satellite," Duo guessed and Quatre nodded. Duo hadn't missed the hesitation in Quatre's response and felt instantly wounded by the idea that the other boy felt the need to hide anything from him. _Does he know something about Trowa? Does he know where Heero is?_ Duo was pretty damn sure that Quatre knew he and Heero were friends, even if not exactly how well-acquainted they actually were. Setting his tea cup down on the table, Duo walked back to the window, awkwardly struggling for something to say in hopes of giving Quatre another opportunity to confide in him. "Your family's really something. Nice building. This is all yours now, right?"

"No, not yet. My sisters are managing all the corporation assets. Everyone else thinks I'm still missing." The hurt in Duo's voice and gestures mentally slapped Quatre across the face and he felt immediately guilty for not just trying to tell him the entire story. _Duo will listen… maybe he'd even understand…and I don't think he'd judge me, as I've never judged him. And… I know how he feels about honesty._ Just as Quatre was opening his mouth to blurt it all out, Duo rounded on him, hands on his hips and demanded an answer himself.

"Because you're a Gundam pilot? Quatre. Where were you?"

There was an intensity in Duo's eyes that burned straight into Quatre and he answered quickly and truthfully this time. "Earth. I went with Heero to figure out what we should be doing."

Duo closed his eyes momentarily, allowing himself a small inward sigh of relief before walking towards the other chair. _He's seen Heero…_ "So, did you come up with anything?"

_Maybe Duo will hear me out in a way that Heero never wanted to…_ Quatre set his tea cup down on the saucer and took a deep breath. "We've gotta fight. That's why I came looking for you guys. There are lots of kind people on Earth. Same with the colonies." He turned to look out the window, thinking of the things he'd learned while staying in Sanc Kingdom. "I want to help build a world where people can live in peace. Which means defending the total pacifism upheld by the Sanc Kingdom."

_But that princess is now heading Romefeller._ Bothered, Duo didn't care if his response sounded skeptical. "Total pacifism… do you really think such a world is possible?" _She dissolved the kingdom and joined up with OZ and no matter who they put out front, I will never ever trust them._

"Duo…" Quatre said softly, picking up his teacup again with a wounded expression. _I didn't expect to hear the same remark from him that I heard from Heero._

Turning to lean against the wall where it was solid instead of glass, Duo crossed his arms over his chest. "I've been fighting for the colonies all along. They should leave the fighting to me. I should be the only one to suffer as much as I did." Pausing, he turned to look out at the city thoughtfully. _I wanted to put the smiles back on peoples' faces… _"But now the colonies have started a war. Meaning a lot more people will end up dying. Maybe I've lost faith in the future that we dreamed about. Maybe in the end, peace is an impossible dream."

_If peace is impossible, then everything's for naught… and I can't be that hopeless._ Quatre still remembered all of the things he and Duo had talked about, out under the stars in Africa, and he didn't want to lose sight of that idealism. _Without hope, without dreams…_ "I made a grave mistake once," he started quietly, looking down into his nearly empty tea cup. "I don't expect to be forgiven." His hands were shaking now and he couldn't stop the sensation from spreading up his arms and down his back. "But I'll risk everything to make up for it. And I'll do that by fostering my hope for peace. Because once a dream is lost, then everything is lost."

Duo turned his eyes to the ceiling, wanting to take Quatre's hopes – hopes that they'd once shared - and believe in them again himself. He'd always considered himself to be an optimistic person, but those beliefs had definitely been challenged more than once in recent days. "You may be right about that," he finally replied with a shrug. _There's still something he's hiding from me._ "Although a dismal future might be perfect for the God of Death." Duo bowed, stretched and smiled, but even so, the joke seemed to fall flatter than usual.

"Duo…" Quatre started again, setting down now his now empty tea cup. _I want, I need… to tell you everything._

Duo stared at Quatre, hands on his hips, waiting for something, anything… and when he received no further response from Quatre, he finally turned towards the door, his smile vanished. "This place is a bit too high class for me. I'll see you around." _You're not even going to try and stop me?_ Duo glanced back over his shoulder, deciding that he had little to lose by tossing out one last piece of bait. "If you're really looking for the Gundam pilots, I guess you'll want to see him too."

Quatre's mind raced through the possibilities as his eyes lit up. _It has to be!_ "Duo, do you mean?" he jumped up, confused when Duo looked away and down, his expression sad and bothered. "Are you talking about Trowa?"

"I've been staying with Hilde," Duo answered, looking back at Quatre. "She's a former OZ soldier that I met during the time I was on my own in the colonies, after Heero rescued me…" Duo paused, shaking his head. "But that's beside the point, really. Anyways…Hilde and I were at the circus and we saw Trowa there, but…"

Quatre had taken a few steps closer to Duo as the other boy was speaking, but his initial happiness in gaining confirmation that Trowa was alive was quickly being dampened by the sense of dread that Duo's words were evoking. "But what…?" he pressed softly.

Duo lifted his eyes to meet Quatre's and sighed heavily. "He didn't remember me, Quatre. He had no idea who I was." He paused, watching as Quatre's face paled to a ghostly color. "If you want to see him, let me know and I'll point you in the right direction."

"Don't you want to come with me?" Quatre responded in confusion. "I meant it when I said I came looking for all of the pilots. We need to work together!"

"He obviously had no idea who I was, Quatre," Duo snapped back defensively, turning away and crossing his arms over his chest. _I can't go back and see that awful look in Trowa's eyes again. _"Maybe you'll have better luck. Besides, I…I need to get back to the salvage yard to help Hilde."

The two boys stood there in silence for a few minutes. Quatre could tell that something had put Duo on the defensive, but he didn't know for sure if it had something to do with Trowa or was connected to what they'd already talked about regarding Sanc Kingdom. _But if it is Trowa that's upsetting him, how would he react knowing I'm to blame?_ _Maybe it's better that I didn't tell him…_ "Are you… you're not…" he hesitated, but Duo still had his back turned, so Quatre couldn't attempt to read his expression. "You're not going to fight anymore?"

Duo was deeply glad that Quatre couldn't see his face, because he never lied and there was no way in hell that everything he was feeling wasn't written clearly across his face. Quatre would know in a heartbeat, looking at him, that he was torn up on the inside, and Duo needed to make this decision for himself and not for anyone else. "I don't know…" he finally mumbled softly, pulling the end of his braid into his hand and twirling the end around his finger. "Peace may be an impossible dream, but… is my faith in our ideals strong enough to keep fighting a losing battle?"

"Only you can answer that…but I don't believe it's a losing battle at all." Quatre's heart hurt as he watched the other boy step slowly into the elevator and he was surprised when Duo turned around and lifted his head a touch to look at Quatre from under his bangs, a small smile creeping onto his face.

"Don't count me out just yet, Quatre."

* * *

There was a certain familiarity about being at the circus that Trowa couldn't pinpoint, but he supposed it was because Catherine was his sister and this was what they'd done before he'd lost his memory. Performing in the ring was like an automatic function that he didn't have to think too carefully about – it simply felt natural - not like trying to remember where he was supposed to place his costume after the performance. He couldn't remember which trailer was theirs most of the time and though the names of common items and ideas had begun to reshape themselves in his mind, so much was still blurry. One of the only other things he didn't have trouble remembering was how to take care of the animals, especially the lions, and so the ringmaster had let him keep the task and he'd taken to spending most of his free time outside the cage, leaning up against the bars. He wondered if it was something he'd done before – talking to animals without really talking.

Trowa thought that he almost maybe might have convinced himself that this was his whole life, if it hadn't been for the strange visit by the braided boy not long ago. Despite the fact that Cathy had explained to him that the boy thought he was someone else, Trowa had not been able to forget about him. _That was when the dreams started… dreams of jumping and flying, explosions and flashing lights and things I don't understand. Are they memories or just my imagination?_ All of the yelling and shaking had startled him badly that night, but now that he'd had time to think about what had happened without being flooded with panic, he couldn't get his mind off the visitor. There had been such pain in those vivid indigo eyes and he couldn't stop wondering why.

The boy with the braid had called himself Duo and had asked about Heero. Plucking blades of grass from the ground beside the cage, Trowa held them up in front of his face between two fingers. "Duo…" he whispered. "Heero." Speaking the names out loud evoked a strange tingle in his chest and Trowa closed his eyes, letting the wind sweep the two blades of grass from between his fingers. _No, no matter what Cathy tells me, I definitely think Duo knows me… knew me… what if I let the only chance to uncover who I am slip through my fingers?_

A soft rumbling behind him grabbed Trowa's attention and he turned, getting to his knees. Reaching a hand through the bars, he ran one hand gently over the golden fur. "Okay, okay. I'll get your food." When the lion shifted his stance, Trowa realized there as someone standing behind him and glanced over his shoulder.

"Trowa!" a voice called out loudly, choked with emotion. "Trowa! It's really you!"

Trowa got slowly to his feet, watching curiously as the boy came closer. He was shorter than Trowa, with pale hair and large eyes that were brimming with unshed tears. "Who are you?" he asked curiously.

They were no more than a few feet apart now and the blond shook his head, too choked up to get much out. "Trowa!"

Overwhelmed by the amount of emotion the boy was expressing, Trowa took a step back in alarm. "Do you know me?" he tried again, frustrated that he couldn't get an answer.

The other boy took a few more steps forward, starting to hold out a hand. "Trowa, don't you recognize me?!"

Trowa met the other boy's gaze and they stared at each other for a long moment. _I… feel his heart more than I recall his face…_

A loud clattering caused both of them to jump, as Catherine dropped the bucket she'd been carrying and ran over. "Trowa, get back to the tent!"

"But Sis…" Trowa started, shaking his head in confusion, looking from Catherine to the blond boy.

"Sis?!" he echoed in surprise.

"Get going!" she yelled, then, seeing the alarm on Trowa's face, she softened her tone. "I'll feed the animals. You go help the boss, okay?"

Trowa hesitated for a long moment before nodding and starting to walk away, but it was only for one reason. The blond boy had seemed shocked to hear him call Catherine "Sis" and he wanted to know why. _I want to believe Catherine, but… there's too much that doesn't make sense._

"Wait!" the boy called, holding out a hand to Trowa again. He started to run after him, but Catherine jumped in front of him, allowing Trowa to disappear around the corner of the nearest tent, where he paused to listen to the rest of the conversation.

"Why'd you come here?" Catherine yelled. "Are you gonna take him out to fight again?"

"Who are you?" the boy's voice softened a little.

"I'm…sister!"

"But he's…"

"…can't bear to see him suffer any more…lost his memories of the past. Because they're too painful. He doesn't want to remember!"

Trowa frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. _That's not true. I want to remember, even when it hurts… I want to remember. She said something about fighting - was I a soldier?_ Hearing the boy start to speak again, Trowa strained to understand what he was saying.

"…my fault. I'm sorry. Trowa sacrificed himself to correct a mistake that I made. I know apologizing won't fix things. But I am sorry."

"If that's really the way you feel, then leave him. Trowa's a lot happier now, being here at the circus."

Footsteps told Trowa that Catherine was coming, but he pressed himself into the folds of the tent as she ran by, not wanting to talk to her until he'd had a chance to sort out his own thoughts and feelings. Peeking around the side of the tent, he watched as Quatre looked sadly at the direction he'd disappeared in.

"I'm sorry, Trowa."

_He said I sacrificed myself to correct his mistake. And he's sorry._ Trowa felt his body starting to shake and slid down the tent to the ground, taking deep breaths. He knew this happened every time fragments of his memory came rushing back, but it was never any less scary. Holding his head between his hands, he squeezed his eyes shut as images flashed in his mind. _If I sacrificed myself for him… was it was because he was an important person…?... Quatre…_

Trowa desperately fought to hang onto consciousness, waiting for the moment to pass before climbing slowly to his feet. It was almost time for the night's performance and he methodically collected his costume and got dressed. Catherine joined him in the dressing room, chattering cheerfully about their performance as if nothing had happened, but Trowa remained silent, even when the boss came in to greet them and even when Catherine finally asked him if he was okay.

It wasn't until they were about to go on stage that he finally walked over to her and shook his head slowly. "I'm sorry, Catherine. I can't do this right now." He held out his mask to her just as a loud explosion echoed in the distance and everything around them began to shake.

Suddenly, everything was happening around Trowa at a frantic pace. People were screaming and crying and running, more explosions were going off and he could smell that a fire had started somewhere nearby. Trowa stood in the center of it all with no idea what to do or how to help until he was suddenly thrown bodily to the floor by Catherine, just as a set of lights almost crashed down onto his head.

_It's happening again… the explosions, the flashing lights, just like in my dreams!_ Curling in on himself, he barely noticed Catherine throwing her arms around him.

"Trowa, are you all right?"

"I'm cold… and I'm scared… Something's coming…" _I don't know who or what it is, but this sense of anticipation…_

"There, there. I'm by your side."

Trowa looked up at her, unable to find the right words to express his feelings. _Why won't you tell me the whole truth?_ "Sis…"

"Trowa…"

"Trowa!" Trowa looked up again in surprise at the sound of Quatre's voice. _Why is he here?_ "It's dangerous! Hurry to shelter!"

"What's going on?" Catherine demanded.

"It's a battle!" Quatre responded, looking from Catherine to Trowa. "Mobile suits are exchanging fire near the colony."

_Mobile suits… I've piloted mobile suits._ Trowa made a strangled noise at the realization and Catherine hugged him tighter as she answered Quatre. "But why?! We're just trying to live here in peace! How many people have to be sacrificed before this ends?!" Trowa watched as Quatre's eyes went wide, a clear indication of how sensitive the subject was and Catherine couldn't stop the tears rolling down her cheeks. "I'm tired of losing people who're important to me! I can't take it anymore!"

_I can't take it anymore… the tears, Catherine, Quatre… the horrible painful look in Duo's eyes. _Trowa squeezed his eyes shut as more memories surfaced and shifted. -- _When you put everything into a battle you start to think you can change the times by yourself _--

Trowa suddenly pushed Catherine gently away and sat up, a new resolve filling him as he and Quatre met eyes. _But I'm not trying to change the times alone anymore._ "Don't cry, Sis. I promise to protect you."

"Trowa…" she mumbled in surprise at his sudden change of heart.

"I don't want to lose anyone else either," Quatre told Catherine honestly before turning his attention back to Trowa. _I can tell that something just clicked back into place for him. I must have hope._ "You saved my soul, Trowa. Now it's my turn to save people. That's why the Gundams were built in the first place."

Trowa felt his heart warm at the deep sincerity in Quatre's words and in his smile, and knew his own mind was already made up. Letting the blond leave, he climbed to his feet and offered Catherine a hand up. "Come on, Sis. Let's see if anyone else needs our help."

_o/ I've been thinking 'bout the meaning of resistance  
Of a hope beyond my own  
And suddenly the infinite and penitent  
Begin to look like home /o_

Standing outside the demolished circus tent, Trowa closed his eyes to listen and could easily tell that the explosions had moved off into a different direction. Everyone had been evacuated to colony shelters and there was nothing else keeping him here now.

"Trowa!" _Except this._ Trowa turned slowly as he heard Catherine calling his name. He knew he cared for her, cared for the circus, but there was something more. There was a greater pull and he couldn't ignore it, not even to spare her feelings. "Trowa, where are you going?"

"He's calling me," Trowa answered softly. In his mind's eye, he can hear Quatre screaming his name over and over as Vayeate is flickering around him, moments before the explosion. He can't remember anything directly before or after that moment, but the gut-wrenching sound of Quatre calling for him is now so strong a memory that it feels as if it's happening simultaneously with this moment.

"I don't hear anybody."

"I can tell. He's crying." Trowa turned away, took a step forward. _Duo, Heero, Quatre… I know they must be waiting for me._

"You can't!" Catherine's voice broke as she reached out a hand, but she drew back in surprise and let it drop when she saw the familiar gaze in his emerald eyes. This was more of the Trowa she remembered - the quiet determination, the reckless stubbornness. "You went through so much pain the last time! Are you gonna fight again?"

"I vaguely recall somebody telling me a long time ago that the only way to live a good life is to act on your emotions." Trowa knew he must have respected that person's opinion highly if he had recalled the words even now.

Catherine turned away in resignation, knowing the battle was already lost. "You're definitely going, then. You're so stubborn. You haven't changed one bit. You're crazy."

"I'll come back alive, Sis." It was the least he could try to offer in return for everything she'd done for him.

"Trowa…"

Trowa could not remember ever piloting a shuttle, but the moment he sat down at the controls, he knew it would be just like his circus performing – something so natural that it felt like an extension of himself.

When the shuttle finally pulled away from the colony to reveal the vats expanse of starry sky around him, Trowa knew he'd started to find his way back to himself.

As Sandrock exclaimed the approach of a shuttle, Quatre knew before the monitor popped up who was inside. _Without hope, there is nothing. With hope, there is everything._ Outer space suddenly felt a great deal less lonely.

* * *

_o/ I've been thinking about everyone  
Everyone you look so empty /o_

"I wish to make an announcement to the world. As of this day, I, Relena Peacecraft, have become Romefeller's chief representative. I am not doing this for Romefeller's sake. I regard this as the first step along a very positive road. A road that we can walk together hand-in-hand, where wars will be eliminated and we can have peace. I ask that you discard your weapons and stop fighting. I'm sure that we're all hoping for the same future. Let us together advance toward these objectives. I hereby announce the removal of national borders which have caused wars around the world and declare the Earth as one nation; the World Nation."

Heero turned around and walked back in the direction he'd come, out of the building, down the road, over a fence and across a field until he found himself back at Wing Zero. He reached out to touch the cool metal with one hand, turning his face up to the clear night sky. The stars seemed much brighter than he remembered from space. _What is the future I am hoping for?_

* * *

He'd already packed his single bag and put it inside Deathsycthe and he'd already written a note for Hilde. Flipping on the TV, he was shocked to see Relena's face on the screen for the second time in hardly as many days. The speech left him feeling very unsettled and he took the elevator down to the subsurface hangar where he and Hilde kept their mobile suits.

Leaning against the railing with his back to his mobile suit, Duo looked over his shoulder and up at Deathscythe. "Hey, old buddy. What'll we do? Can you still fight?" Duo was silent for a moment as he imagined the responses of the other pilots to such news and smiled a little on the inside. _It really would be a toss up as to who would kick my ass most… but they'd all lose, because I'd have to kick my ass hardest myself._

"Yeah, you've got a point. This isn't like me at all. Wonder if Quatre saw Trowa…" Loading Deathscythe onto a shuttle, Duo had the sense that time was suddenly two skips and a jump ahead of him and he had a lot of catching up to do. He had known, walking away from Quatre yesterday, that his idealism would conquer his skepticism, but he'd needed to find that conclusion for himself.

Out in space, Duo set the autopilot and stretched out in the cockpit of the shuttle, letting the stars lull him to sleep. _Time for my second wind._

_  
o/ When I look at the stars  
When I look at the stars__  
When I look at the stars,  
I feel like myself  
When I look at the stars__  
The stars  
I see someone else... /o_

* * *


	16. Ch 16 Keep Holding On

**Author's Notes: **It's been a brutal couple of weeks. First, two weeks of graduation rehearsals - but my new song was a hit. Then, cleaning out and packing up my entire classroom. Then, just when things settled down, it was time for a new computer, which meant transferring all of my files (including some 30 gigs of music) to the new one. headdesk The good news is, we don't move for another 6 weeks and I have nothing better to do between now and then besides pack and write fanfic - so hopefully, updates will become more frequent again.

I want to give an extra special thank you to **Kaeru Shisho** for sticking with me so far. I count on your reviews for feedback about what's working and what isn't. I'm always deeply impressed by how you pick up on all the subtleties I think about and try so hard to weave in. Reading your reviews just makes all the hard work worth it. By the by, during my file-transferring time-lag drought I sat down and read Greeting Cards. I'm desperately in love with your dysfunctional artist Heero and his lovely cards. :)

I swear to you, dear readers, there is a reunion by the end of this chapter. We're nearing the end of the anime canon now and there's a lot to cover... and some pilots who've been wound up for waaaay too long.

PBJ,  
--D

* * *

**Chapter 16 – Keep Holding On (Episodes 39 – 42)**

As Quatre shut down Sandrock inside the cargo hold of Trowa's shuttle, he realized that his hands were shaking and his heart was pounding, harder even than it had during any part of the battle that had just ended. _Does he remember…?_

Trowa stood waiting in the doorway between the cargo hold and the cockpit, watching as Quatre came down from Sandrock and walked slowly towards him. "Quatre…" he greeted the other boy softly.

"Trowa…" Quatre stopped an arm's reach away from the taller boy, looking up at him with worried eyes. He wanted to reach out and touch Trowa, hug the other boy hard to reassure himself that he wasn't dreaming, but he had no idea how such an action would be perceived, so instead he hesitantly held out his hand. "I… I'm glad you came."

"It felt like the right thing to do…" Trowa's mind was still playing the sound of Quatre's voice screaming his name on a loop, but he didn't know how to ask him about the memories. Reaching out, he took the other boy's hand in his own and squeezed it. "Quatre, I don't… remember very much at all. I'm sorry."

"No!" Quatre shook his head vehemently as he squeezed Trowa's hand back. "You have nothing to apologize for, Trowa! It's… it's my fault…" Letting go of the other boy's hand, he glanced away awkwardly. _What do I say? What do I do? I've been waiting for this moment for so long and yet I feel verbally paralyzed…_

"Can I ask you a question?" Trowa's voice was so warm and soft that Quatre turned back to look at him in surprise, his heart catching in his throat at the intensity of those green eyes studying him.

"Anything. As many questions as you want."

"Were we… friends?"

There was such a vulnerable sincerity in the question that Quatre thought his heart might shatter into a million pieces in response and it was difficult to keep the tears from springing into his eyes. "We've known each other for a couple of months – not well, honestly, but… I think we're fighting for the same cause, the same peace." _I owe Trowa everything for saving me from myself, no matter how close we were or weren't… _ "And if there's anything I can do for you, anything at all… I would do it gladly."

"Oh…" Trowa closed his eyes for a moment, trying to piece together the fragments of his visual memory with the sound of Quatre's voice. He remembered clearly how broken up Quatre had been when he first came to see Trowa at the circus, but now Quatre almost seemed to be hiding it, keeping himself at arm's length. _If he claims we don't know each other that well, then why do I feel as if he is a huge part of remembering who I am? Because we fought together? _"I lost my memory in battle?"

Quatre nodded slowly. "You were… protecting me." It wasn't the complete story, but somehow Quatre couldn't bring himself to try and explain to Trowa that he'd almost accidentally killed him. _Maybe I'm afraid he wouldn't forgive me if he knew and understood the truth…_

"Then you must be important to me." Trowa watched with interest as Quatre froze and his cheeks flushed pink, but the other boy finally pushed past him into the cockpit, brushing off the comment by changing topics.

"Noin is on her way to meet us and then we'll head to one of my family's natural resource satellites," Quatre informed him, keeping his back to Trowa as he sat down in one of the pilot seats. Trowa's rather innocent comment had turned over an enormous mountain of feelings inside Quatre, feelings he had no place to be burdening Trowa with, now or maybe ever. He really had no idea if he'd been important to Trowa before he lost his memory, but Trowa was too important for Quatre to risk hurting him in any way. "Even if you don't remember Noin, she knows you too and is also a friend."

Not wanting to upset his new-old friend, Trowa let his previous comment go as he came to sit in the other pilot seat beside Quatre. _I didn't mean to embarrass him…I just don't remember._ "I don't remember her either. What about Duo and… and Heero?"

Quatre frowned a little as he keyed in some commands and the shuttle started to move. "That's… complicated." Quatre was trying his best to hide how frustrated he was with how poorly the plan to reunite the pilots had gone so far and he wondered if Trowa would have turned him down the same way Duo had if he hadn't lost his memory. "You know you don't have to come with me, right?"

Trowa was quiet for a moment, turning over the pieces of new information. _It might have been simpler to stay with Catherine and the circus, but… _ "I'm going to stay with you, Quatre. I don't know why it feels like the right thing to do, but it does." He paused for a moment before adding. "Is that okay?"

Smiling in spite of the confusing mess of his feelings, Quatre nodded quickly. "As long as it's what you want, then I'm happy."

_o/ You're not alone  
Together we stand__  
I'll be by your side  
You know I'll take your hand /o_

* * *

_-- But nobody's thanking you for what you're doing. At least with the White Fang, you'll be treated as a hero! --_

_-- I'm not interested in that. I'll just keep doing my thing as the God of Death. --_

_-- That's a lonely battle_. --

Duo's last conversation with Hilde drifted through his mind as he half-dozed in the cockpit of his shuttle, headed towards the same natural resource satellite he'd gone to visit Quatre at several days before.

_Am I lonely?_

He didn't really know how to answer that question, because, to Duo, it seemed that he'd always been alone. He didn't even view it as a bad thing anymore. He was used to being alone, thinking alone, acting alone… and he wondered if the same was true of the other pilots. Lately, his thoughts always came drifting back to the month he'd spent in Africa with Quatre or, even more so, the month he'd spent with Heero at the school. In the darkness of this cockpit, out alone in space, he could admit to missing those times with a growing, gnawing sort of sensation.

_I've always told myself to live without regrets, because you never know which day is your last…you never know when you'll lose people or places…_

It had long been his habit not to depend on anyone else, not to need anyone else… but more and more, he found himself surprisingly fighting that thought instead of embracing it. _And I know there's no end to this war if we pilots can't trust each other._

Duo opened his eyes as the monitors inside the shuttle started beeping, sitting upright with a start as images started flooding the screen.

"Sandrock?!" Duo watched as Quatre's mobile suit appeared from within a badly damaged shuttle, followed by one of OZ's older units. There was a third suit, identical to the other OZ suit, a short distance away from the others and vastly outnumbered.

Duo was cursing under his breath as he parked his shuttle inside a large piece of debris and jumped out of the pilot's seat, running for the door to the cargo hold. Climbing into Deathscythe, he engaged the new shielding device and headed straight for the suit that was in distress. The shuttle behind Sandrock was flickering dangerously and moments later it exploded in a fiery ball, catapulting the Gundam towards the suit that was in distress.

Quatre's suit was taking a beating and Duo raced towards them as fast as he could, hoping he'd make it in time. As he disengaged the shielding device, he flipped the switch to send a message out to all three suits, knowing the other two must be friends of Quatre. Duo was totally floored when on his monitors appeared not only Quatre and Noin, but also a very surprised Trowa and he couldn't help but grin a little to see the other boy looking less haunted and a bit more like his old self.

"Are you playing games with these brainless machines?" he teased in a slightly sarcastic tone as he noticed the look of pure joy on Quatre's face. Duo was glad to be back in action and he knew it was written all over his face as well. "I'm such a nice guy. I'm here to save the guy that destroyed you, Deathscythe." _No hard feelings, Trowa._

Deathscythe and Sandrock made quick work of the remaining enemies before Noin's voice came over the monitors, suggesting they all talk face to face for a moment. She pulled her suit up beside Duo and opened the cockpit and the others quickly followed her lead.

Trowa was absolutely baffled by the appearance of another Gundam and he turned to Quatre and asked softly. "Who is that guy?"

_I guess he hasn't gotten his memory back yet._ Duo leaned forward with wide eyes, hands on his hips, trying his best to be light-hearted about the situation. All he could really do was be himself and have hope that by not treating Trowa any differently, it would help his memories to return. _I know Quatre's right – we should stick together._ "Come on!" he started in an overly dramatic voice. "Have you forgotten me already?! I'm one of the best friends you've got!"

_-- It's probably a suit performance test! Don't help them out! --_ Trowa blinked as a voice echoed in his brain, but much like Quatre's screams, he could not match any time and place to the verbal memory. Still, it was enough to reconnect him to the voice he was hearing now and he realized it was the braided boy who'd come to see him at the circus. "I'm sorry."

Duo blinked in surprise, wondering if Trowa had not understood his sense of humor. "Hey, I was only kidding!" He threw both hands out to the side in a helpless sort of gesture. "Geez, you can't take a joke?"

Quatre cut in at that moment, unable to hold back any longer. "Duo!" Duo's appearance had been a wonderful surprise, restoring his waning spirit in full force and he could not keep the hope, the worry, the slight disbelief out of his voice. "Will you really fight with us?!"

"Sure," he shrugged a little. Duo was still certain that Quatre was keeping parts of the story from him, but now was not the time or place to hash it out. Not in front of Trowa. He chose to give the easiest answer on a list of many. "Because if we fight then the citizens don't have to."

"Duo Maxwell!" Noin spoke up, waiting with one hand on her hip until Duo turned to face her. "Thank you. From my heart."

Duo was a bit surprised by the warm welcome from someone he hardly knew and for some reason, it gave him the urge to bolt in the opposite direction. "You shouldn't get your hopes up too high. I'm not especially devoted."

There was a long moment of silence as they all looked around the circle at one another and then Quatre cleared his throat and spoke again. "We were headed to my natural resource satellite, Duo. Sandrock needs some work done to be considered space-worthy."

"But your ride's trashed," Duo gestured with a wry grin, directing one hand to the remnants of the shuttle floating mixed in with the pieces of various broken mobile suits.

"Regrettably so," Noin muttered in agreement.

"Lucky for you guys, my shuttle's parked in some debris not far from here. Why don't we head in that direction – you can set us a course and we can…" He trailed off, waving a hand as he looked from Noin to Quatre.

"Discuss what our next move should be."

_o/ When it gets cold  
And it feels like the end  
There's no place to go  
You know I won't give in  
No I won't give in /o_

Once they had all four mobile suits stored safely in the cargo hold, Duo took the main pilot's seat with Noin leaning over the back of his chair, filling him in on her failed attempt to convince Wu Fei to join them. Quatre had seated himself behind them, leaving Trowa to take the co-pilot's seat for the moment.

Remembering the feisty nature of the Chinese boy, Duo wasn't surprised to hear that he was being so resistant to working with them. "We'll probably have to give up on Wu Fei. He's gonna do what he wants on his own." _I wonder if I should ask them about Heero._

"Then should we head back to Earth?" Noin suggested after a moment of silence. She'd wanted to bring the pilots together, but now that she had them in the same place, she realized that there was no way she could simply try and take command of them. She wanted to continue supporting Relena's pacifism, but she couldn't force any of them to see the situation the same way she did.

"But there are White Fang troops patrolling the vicinity," Quatre disagreed. "It'd be hard to get past them."

_White Fang again…they're only prolonging this mess… and in the name of the colonies too. _ Duo folded his arms behind his head and closed his eyes with a disgruntled sigh. "You mean we should try to stop the White Fang?"

Noin leaned in a little closer, sensing Duo's discontent. "Relena would work out a peace plan with the colonies." She could sense that the mention of Relena provoked Duo even more, but not knowing why, she simply continued her thought. "Negotiations with the White Fang can take place afterward."

_I wish it were as easy as that, but we can't just ignore White Fang either._ Quatre stood up and Duo looked up at him as he spoke. "Right, but the White Fang is increasing its armaments. Even though the people of the colonies don't agree with them." _Hmm, good to know Quatre and I are still somewhere close to the same page._

The sound of an alert on the monitor interrupted Quatre and Duo leaned towards Trowa, pointing. "What's that?"

Trowa touched the button to bring up the message, reading it out loud to the group. "An encoded transmission. It's being broadcast in the area." Trowa made a slightly surprised noise as he turned to Duo, having recognized the addressee. "It's a message to the 'Deathscythe'."

Duo dropped his arms from behind his head, his eyes widening in surprise. "To the Deathscythe?!" _Who would send a message like that besides…_ On a whim, he keyed in an old encryption code.

"Duo, can you hear me?"

Drawing back in surprise, Duo's mouth opened into an O before he responded. "Old man! Is that you, Howard?!"

"How would you like a mission, like in the old days? Of course I'll give you full supplies and repairs."

"What are you doing out here in space?" Duo asked, still too incredulous at the face on the screen to give a proper answer. The last time he'd seen Howard was out on the ocean, back on Earth, long before the trip into Africa.

"Seemed like all the action was moving out here," Howard replied with a grin. "So I thought I'd better follow suit. Sending you coordinates now. Lemme know you got 'em okay and we'll talk when you get here."

"I've got them, but Howard – I've got friends with me."

"I know – they're just as welcome. See you in about 12 hours, kid."

The transmission ended abruptly and Duo sat back in his chair, still a bit in shock. "I'm, uh...not really sure where these coordinates lead," he said to the rest of the group. "But we can definitely trust Howard. He's been helping me out since the beginning."

"It's actually a lot closer than any of the resource satellites," Quatre pointed out, standing up and coming to lean over Trowa's shoulder to study the coordinates.

"If you trust him, Duo…" Noin started. Part of her still wanted to head back to Earth to check on Relena, but they did need to have Sandrock modified. If this Howard was supporting the Gundams, then perhaps he was yet another ally doing his best for the cause, just like Sally Po.

"I do, totally," Duo nodded, keying in the coordinates, quietly glad that his friends were willing to trust his judgment. _Maybe I ought to offer them a little more of the same in return…_ "What about you, Trowa?"

"Whatever you want to do is fine with me," Trowa replied with a shrug.

"Then it's settled. We'll be there in a little over twelve hours and I've already set the autopilot."

"We should take shifts, get some rest," Noin suggested and Quatre quickly nodded in agreement. "Leave one of us here to watch the controls."

"Let me take last shift, since I'll be coordinating our arrival with Howard," Duo suggested. They quickly arranged a schedule for the night and Duo left Noin and Quatre in the cockpit before taking Trowa on a brief tour of the shuttle. He'd pilfered a larger one than necessary when leaving L2, but it had certainly come in handy. The shuttle itself was far too large for just the four of them, but the cargo hold was necessary for the four mobile suits.

An hour of rolling around in an uncomfortable bunk trying not to think too hard about anything quickly made Duo realize that he was still too wired from the fight to sleep, so he decided to take a trip to the kitchen instead and find something to eat. As the doors slid open and Duo walked in, he stopped mid-step when he realized that Trowa was already sitting at the table with his head between his hands, a pained and frustrated expression on his face.

"Trowa…?" Duo asked, taking a step closer so that the doors could slide closed behind him. "Is something wrong?"

As if he hadn't even noticed Duo's arrival, Trowa looked up at the sound of his own name and made a poor attempt to smile, which looked more like a grimace to Duo. "It's nothing."

"Bullshit." Duo pulled out a chair, turning it around backwards to that he could rest his arms across the top of the back, chin on his hands as he studied the other boy.

Trowa's eyebrows rose, the hint of a real smile tugging at his lips. "…it's stupid. It's a stupid thing to be upset about," he finally mumbled, averting his eyes.

Duo was even more curious now, but he tried to keep his tone light as he pushed again. "I'm an open ear, Trowa. You can tell me anything and I won't repeat it…" Duo trailed off a little and extended one hand to poke Trowa in the shoulder, waiting until the other boy met his eyes before teasing a little. "But I don't promise not to laugh."

Being around Duo made Trowa feel more at ease than he had in awhile and he found the words tumbling out of his mouth before he had even thought them through. "I… don't know what to eat. I mean, I don't know what I like to eat. I don't want to eat something I don't like or will make me sick and Catherine always gave me my meals because she knew what I liked."

Having not expected such a sudden rush of explanation, Duo blinked once before biting his lip to try and keep back a snicker, but Trowa seemed more relieved to have shared his thoughts than offended at Duo's response. "Well..." Duo started, pushing himself up and off the chair and walking around Trowa to the cabinets. "I have no idea what's in this kitchen. Checking the food stores wasn't exactly my first priority when stealing this shuttle." He winked at Trowa over his shoulder before opening the cabinets above the sink and stove. "Hmm… canned vegetables, canned fruit, canned meat, canned brains…"

"Seriously?" Trowa interrupted with a wrinkle of his nose, letting himself be drawn into Duo's silly antics. "I've heard that brains taste like bland and lumpy paste."

"If you flavor 'em with a little garlic, they're not so bad," Duo shot back, enjoying the snickers he could hear emanating from Trowa even though his back was turned. "Ah ha!" Duo finally found what he'd been looking for, buried behind unopened jars of pickles and a couple cans of almost outdated tuna fish. Screwing open the jar, he ripped off the seal and dabbed one finger in before turning back to Trowa. "Give it a taste."

Trowa hesitated a moment, his eyes flickering from Duo's face to the finger just in front of his nose before he leaned forward to lick the brown goo carefully off the end. "I recognize this – Catherine gave it to me."

"It's a genius creation," Duo enthused, turning back to the cabinets and resuming his search. A few minutes later, he had everything he was looking for and hummed cheerfully as he prepared them what he deemed as a real treat. "I'd ask if you want rectangles or triangles, but I doubt you'd have any idea what I'm talking about, so triangles it is!" He turned to set a plate down in front of Trowa with a flourish before taking his own and re-claiming his chair.

Trowa stare at the plate for a moment in confusion. "Duo… this is a sandwich."

"Indeed it is," Duo grinned, picking up his own and taking a huge bite. "Go'won, twy it," he added around a mouthful of peanut butter and strawberry jam.

Although he was somewhat dubious about Duo's dubbing peanut butter a "genius creation", Trowa figured he was no worse off than if he'd chosen something for himself. Carefully picking up the sandwich, he took a smaller bite than Duo had and chewed thoughtfully before turning to the other boy with a surprised smile. "It's really good."

"Told ya," Duo smiled in return, scarfing down more than half of his sandwich before Trowa had even taken a second bite.

"Noin's shift is ending. I'm going to go sit with Quatre so that he isn't alone," Trowa told him as he glanced at the clock on the wall. "I'm going to take this with me." Wrapping the sandwich in a napkin, he picked up the bottle of water he'd been drinking and walked to the door, looking back just before departing. "Thanks, Duo."

Alone in the kitchen, Duo finished his sandwich thoughtfully. It was Sister Helen who had taught him the art of the perfect PBJ, back in the one time he'd actually had a real place to call home. Thinking back on those days hurt and so he tried to shake it from his mind. Duo really didn't like to think about his feelings and even though he was glad Trowa seemed to be doing a little better, a small piece of him was almost envious. _I wonder what it would be like to just wake up knowing nothing and having to start over… but I bet Trowa doesn't really consider it starting over._

After Duo had cleaned up, he wandered through the other door in the kitchen to find himself in a small lounge. There were several arm chairs in the room and a sofa positioned just underneath a viewport. Stretching out on the sofa, Duo tilted his head back until the only thing he could see was the stars racing by outside. _I wonder what Heero's doing…_

Duo wanted to believe he was following the right path by agreeing to join up with the others, but deep down, he still felt like he was drifting. _I don't want to admit it, but… it's because Heero's not here. We've always been on the same page, even when we thought we weren't._ Quatre had definitely said they'd gone to Earth together, but what then? Why were Quatre and Noin here when Heero wasn't? Where was he and what was he doing? Duo sighed heavily and closed his eyes, unable to stop the image of those deep blue eyes from invading his mind.

_Where are you?_

_o/ So far away  
I wish you were here__  
Before it's too late  
This could all disappear /o_

Duo didn't remember falling asleep, but his eyes were closed when the sound of someone else entering the room roused him.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know anyone was in here!"

Duo recognized Quatre's voice and waved from his position on the sofa. "You don't have to leave."

Quatre hesitated in the doorway for a long moment before crossing the room and sitting down on an armchair beside the sofa. He hadn't had a chance to talk to Duo alone since they'd all met up and he could tell something was still off between them. "I didn't want to bother you."

Duo looked at Quatre upside-down from his sprawling position, his arms folded underneath his head, but his expression was serious. "You have never been a bother to me, Quatre."

"Thank you…" Quatre paused, playing with the hem of his shirt sleeve nervously. _I know he's waiting for me to talk, been waiting for me to talk since we saw each other back at the resource satellite… but I haven't talked to anyone about this – not Noin or Heero and certainly not Trowa._ Quatre tried to misdirect, even though he knew it was next to impossible when it was Duo he was talking to. "Duo, you seemed… upset when I last saw you."

"I was upset," Duo answered promptly. "About a lot of things… some of them I'm not upset about anymore, some of them I am and can't do anything about…" He paused, crossing one leg over the other, his eyes still focused on the view of stars. "And maybe I was upset at you, a little… but not as upset as you seem to be with yourself. I admit to wishing I knew why."

"I'm responsible for what happened to Trowa!" Quatre blurted the words out quite suddenly and there was silence for a moment before Duo, without needing to look at Quatre, reached to take one of Quatre's hands in his own, squeezing it lightly before letting it go again.

"I'm listening."

And so the entire story tumbled out of Quatre, from the moment he'd woken in the medical facility and met Irea, all the way through his father's untimely demise, his construction of Wing Zero and the accident with Trowa and Heero. Once he'd tearfully gotten that hurdle out the way, detailing the saga of his journey to Earth with Heero – the things he'd learned at Sanc Kingdom and his trip across the desert to retrieve Sandrock – was relatively easy. Duo listened quietly to the entire story without interrupting until Quatre finally came to his conclusion, sighing deeply. "You must think I'm awful, to have almost killed Trowa. I'd understand if you… if you…"

Duo swung his legs off of the sofa and sat up, reaching to take both of Quatre's hands in his own and waiting until the blond met his gaze before speaking. "Quatre, I've piloted the Zero System. I had no idea that you built it, and honestly, it's incredible."

"I just blindly followed the blueprint," Quatre refused the praise with a shake of his head. "If I had paid more attention to the cockpit system--"

"No, Quatre. It's not your fault," Duo blew his bangs out of his face thoughtfully, trying to find the right way to phrase what he was thinking. "You couldn't have known what that system would do – and it's intense – you'd have to be a God or something to actually master control of it! I know exactly what kinds of things it must have shown you, as I've yet to get them out of my head myself!"

"I'm so sorry," Quatre started again, trying to pull his hands out of Duo's grasp. "If I hadn't…"

Duo let go of Quatre's hands, but only so that he could lean forward, into the blond's personal space, his eyes slightly narrowed in concern. "Stop," he muttered softly. "Stop apologizing. I forgive you. I know that Heero must have forgiven you, or he wouldn't have gone to Earth with you. And Trowa… even if his memories are scrambled eggs, his soul forgives you or he wouldn't have followed you. You – _you_, Quatre – need to forgive yourself."

Quatre stared at Duo for a moment, feeling the time and space between them melt away, as if it had only been a day since they'd left Africa together. _I'm glad I told him the truth, but…_ "Duo…" he started softly, as if he was about to contradict his friend's words.

"Quat." Duo cut him off, waggling his eyebrows and grinning quite suddenly in such a disarming way that Quatre couldn't help but laugh in response. "Don't." _Poor Quatre… I had no idea what he'd been through when we met up at the resource satellite. I feel a little guilty for how abrupt I was with him. My non-adventures with Hilde seem tame in comparison. _Realizing that Quatre was speaking again, Duo shook his thoughts away, letting go of his friends' hands and scooting further back onto the sofa again.

"…and honestly, Duo, I was a little worried about you after we met up a few days ago. I'm relieved that you're here with me now and in better spirits." Quatre was perceptive enough that he could easily tell that Duo was distracted, but as was common with the braided pilot, he hid it well. _He can listen to me talk and talk, but when I offer the same…_

"Worried about me?" Duo replied amiably, reaching to scratch the back of his braid before flopping back down on the couch. _What would I even say? I'm confused about life, the universe and everything? It would only worry Quatre more and he worries too much as it is._ "Don't be silly. A little rest and the God of Death will be good as new!" Folding his arms underneath his head, he closed his eyes and hoped that Quatre would let it go.

Rising from his chair, Quatre looked down at Duo's prone form and closed eyes and wasn't fooled for a moment. _Something is definitely weighing on his mind. Still, I already know that there's little use in pushing Duo when he doesn't want to talk or he'll just withdraw more._ Leaning over his friend, Quatre couldn't help but get one last jab in. "A wise man once said that 'no man is an island, entire of itself…' and I'm pretty sure that goes for Gods of Death too." He hesitated for a moment, but when Duo didn't respond at all, Quatre leaned a little closer to brush a gentle kiss on his forehead before turning and walking out of the lounge.

Alone with his thoughts, Duo whispered the rest of the words to himself: "… 'any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee'." He hadn't heard those words in years, not since the days of sitting quietly in a pew and listening to one of Father Maxwell's sermons, but he'd always had a strong memory for words and wondered what exactly Quatre was trying to imply.

_Am I an island?_

* * *

"Earth and Space. The two exist together in a pattern of confrontation. My name is Milliardo Peacecraft. We will eliminate Earth, the force that conflicts with Space."

"No way!" Howard exclaimed with wide eyes as he stared at the screen.

Noin was even more distraught. "What're you saying, Zechs?!" Turning away, she walked away from the group and Quatre hurried after her, the two of them talking in voices so soft that Duo and Trowa couldn't hear them. Trowa gazed after them with a concerned, but confused expression before turning to look at Duo, who looked rather like he'd been punched in the gut.

Duo felt like he'd been punched – really, like he'd been pummeled numerous times in slow motion, and it was all just beginning to catch up to him. First, the surprise that Howard was in space, followed by everything Quatre had told him about the Zero System and Trowa. Then, the coordinates leading them to an enormous battleship, Peacemillion, and Howard's revelation that he'd been working with Zechs and that he'd built the Tallgeese. _And now, Zechs has… Zechs is…_

"Duo…" Trowa started tentatively, his eyes tracking Quatre and Noin as the former chased the latter out of the room, "Do you think you could even begin to explain to me what's going on? Obviously this Zechs fellow is important, but…"

Watching the other two leave, Duo knew intuitively that Noin was going to go after Zechs and he nudged Trowa before taking off in a slightly different direction. "Zechs and Noin used to work together for OZ," Duo started as he jogged through corridors with Trowa on his heels. "Obviously they don't anymore – Zechs was here on Peacemillion with Howard not long ago – but now it seems he's decided to head the colony rebels and none of us know why! The rebels were actually part of OZ once too, a part called the Treize Faction, but at some point they went solo."

"And he really intends to… to eliminate Earth?" Trowa responded as if the very idea was completely ludicrous.

"With a battleship the size of Libra…especially if White Fang eliminates the last of the OZ Space Force and takes over Barge, first…" Duo shook his head so sharply that his braid snapped back and forth. "I can't even imagine. Hey, I think we've beaten them here. Come on." He led Trowa into the low-gravity hold, making their way to the shuttle they'd all arrived on. _I feel sick to my stomach thinking about what could happen if we don't stop Zechs… if he takes aim at Earth… I wanted an end to OZ, but not like this._

"Hang on a second, Miss Noin!"

The doors slid open again to reveal Noin and Quatre. "Up here," Duo whispered to Trowa and they floated easily to the roof of the shuttle to eavesdrop on the conversation.

"I know you don't want me to go. But I have to meet with Zechs and talk to him. I'm positive he has a good reason." Noin placed hand over her heart before heading towards the shuttle. "He must be rebelling for Relena and the Sanc Kingdom."

"All the same, it's too dangerous to approach Barge alone," Quatre argued as they reached the door of the shuttle. "Sandrock's been completely prepared. I'll go with you."

"Quatre…" Noin replied in surprise, looking down sadly. She knew it wasn't her fault that Zechs had made these decisions, but she still felt obligated as his friend to try and find out what had prompted such irrationality.

Deciding it was better to make their presence known, Duo, laying on his stomach, peeked over the edge of the shuttle's roof. "There are many civilian colonies around Barge!" He enjoyed the surprised looks he received from both Noin and Quatre before he continued. "Shouldn't be too hard to approach the fortress unnoticed."

"Duo! You're coming with us?!" Quatre called up to him. _Did he take what I said to heart last night?_

Duo's eyes narrowed a little as he processed what they were about to get themselves into, but for the first time in awhile, he really felt like he had some direction. "I wanna let OZ and White Fang know the God of Death has returned with a bang!"

"Thanks a lot, Duo!" Quatre responded, unable to hide how pleased he was.

Glancing over his shoulder at Trowa, Duo asked him, "Catch all that?" and was even more amused by the choked noise of surprise that came from their blond friend. _See, Quatre? We're all in it together now. There's nothing to feel bad about anymore. None of us is alone when we stand together._

_o/ Before the doors close  
And it comes to an end  
With you by my side I will fight and defend  
I'll fight and defend /o_

* * *

Heero watched over Wing's monitors with curiosity as Sally's crew unloaded a large object that he could only guess to be a mobile suit. _She said she had something important to give me… is it…?_

"Heero, you were planning to return to space, weren't you?" Sally deduced as she spoke to him over the monitor. "Would you mind taking this along with you?"

The large sheet fell away to reveal Heavy Arms and Heero addressed her now with genuine interest. "You found out where Trowa is?!" _I wonder if Quatre found him…_

"I think the Gundams are essential right now," Sally started carefully. She knew enough now about Heero's demeanor from her talks with Noin to be sure that making demands on him was not the way to go to win his support. "I know you Gundam pilots can all be trusted. That's why I want to do what I can to help you." When he said nothing in response, she figured he was at least going to hear her out. "Heero, the battles you fight by yourselves are so solitary. You wouldn't like getting sympathy. But let me help you a bit."

_She's right. I don't need anyone's sympathy or support. I've been making my own decisions for a while now._ Heero was quite aware of who Sally was and what activities she'd been involved in, enough that he was certain she wanted peace and was not a supporter of OZ or White Fang. _And an easy ride back to space would be convenient with the growing amount of White Fang troops._ Wing Zero's alert system beeped, indicating that his time to consider the decision was up. "The enemy! Prepare shuttle for take off! I'll take care of these guys."

Sally watched Heero take off into the sky and marveled at how easy it had been to convince him to come with her, at least temporarily. "I don't see any enemies…" she started and stopped abruptly when an explosion in the distance surprised her. _What an amazing kid._ "He seems kind of different this time. He used to be so abrasive. He was hard to approach." _What changed him?_ She picked up a walkie-talkie to instruct her small crew. "Hurry up and load that Gundam!"

As soon as the enemies had been taken care of, Heero returned and loaded Wing alongside Heavy Arms before joining Sally in the cockpit. "Sally Po," he greeted her, sitting down in the co-pilot's seat and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Heero Yuy," she replied with a smile, turning in her seat to face him. "I'm glad you came aboard. I have bad news and good news for you, but I guess it depends on how you want to view it."

"Go on."

"Relena has resigned her position with Romefeller…and Treize has re-taken command." She paused, not knowing what his reaction would be.

"Is that supposed to be the good news, the bad or both?" Heero replied dryly.

Sally couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped as she shrugged. "It's the worst of what I have to tell you, because the rest of it is that I'm on my way to meet Noin, on a spaceship called Peacemillion."

"And Trowa?"

"Is also there, along with Quatre Winner and Duo Maxwell." _Wait, is that a reaction I detect?_ For a split second, it had almost seemed as if Heero was pleased, but as quickly as Sally's blink, he'd turned away and started punching in buttons on the shuttle's console as if she hadn't said anything at all.

* * *

After attacking both Libra and Barge, Wu Fei had damaged his Gundam beyond function. Drifting amongst the debris in space, he wondered how many years it would take crews to clean up the mess. Would they find his dead body floating among the rubble or would he be swept into an incinerator like a piece of trash?

"Nataku… I'm not ready for this to be over."

As if the whispers of the world heard his plea, the lights on Altron's console began to flicker disjointedly and a familiar voice broken by static crackled over one speaker.

"Wu Fei? Do you read me, Wu Fei?"

The Chinese boy's eyes snapped open and he reached out to punch the console sharply. "Sally Po."

"Come aboard. I'm not taking no for an answer."

_Feisty woman._ Wu Fei really didn't have much choice in the matter, as he barely had enough power left in his Gundam to maneuver it into the cargo hold of Sally's shuttle. He parked the wreck beside two suits he only marginally recognized and wondered who else was aboard. A member of Sally's crew showed him to the cockpit and Wu Fei was surprised when the door slid open to reveal Heero Yuy there as well.

"It's been awhile," Sally remarked cheerfully.

"You've been fighting all this time?" It was more a statement than a question.

"My exact words to you," she retorted, watching with interest as he gave half a grunt of amusement before his gaze shifted to Heero.

"I saw the suit Zechs Marquise piloted. Are you using it now?" Heero murmured a confirmation, so he felt free to ask another question. "How about the other one?"

"That's Trowa's. But it won't be much use until it's upgraded for space battle." Heero wasn't ready to give away any other details just yet, as he didn't really know this other pilot. He'd long been impressed by the Chinese boy's skill in battle, but being an outstanding pilot didn't necessarily translate to being an outstanding person, in Heero's mind. It did not tell him whether Wu Fei was honorable or trustworthy, though from the little he'd learned of him during their brief captivity aboard the Lunar Base, Heero was willing to give him a chance.

_Heero reminds me of Duo, in the "give a little to get a little" attitude. _"I see." Wu Fei turned his attention back to Sally. "Where are you headed to? Libra's in the opposite direction."

"We're headed for Peacemillion, where Noin's waiting for us," Sally spun her chair around to face him. "With the three other Gundam pilots." Wu Fei's eyes narrowed slightly, but Sally charged ahead before he could interrupt. "Don't tell me you want out. We're running out of fuel." _I'm not afraid to stand up to you._

Wu Fei sensed a challenge and responded in kind. "Not afraid I might take over this shuttle and fly to Libra?"

Sally was amused she'd gotten a rise out of him and she swiveled around to rest her elbows on the console, chin in her hands. "Good point. I never thought of that. But on Peacemillion, there are supplies and engineers who can repair your Gundam." She glanced back at him out of the corner of her eye. _Don't try to cage a wild bird, Sally._ "You can go and attack Libra anytime after that."

"That's why you want me to come?" Wu Fei's eyes flickered back and forth from Heero to Sally. _Nataku, it could be our chance to rise like the Phoenix._

"You can use Peacemillion any way you wish to be true to your sense of integrity," Sally said softly, turning around to look at him and leaving a moment of silence. She could see the struggle in Wu Fei's eyes and wondered what had made someone so strong be so untrusting. _I admire your ferocious strength, but I don't envy the loss I see in your eyes._ "I thought this was an offer you couldn't possibly refuse," she added as he finally sat down at the third station in the cockpit. "Wu Fei?"

"Thanks for your kindness," he finally replied stiffly. "But I'm not making any deals."

"Wu Fei…" Sally started again.

"Just drop it," Heero cut in, sensing that Wu Fei was at a breaking point. "He does things his own way." _Be happy he didn't stubbornly decide to get back into his broken Gundam and leave._

Sally looked somewhat miffed at the comment, but she'd gotten what she wanted and what she thought was best, so she decided not to push. "So I gathered." Flashing red lights chopped off her next sentence and Sally spun around to look at the screens in dismay. "White Fang's mobile doll carriers."

Heero stood and moved to stand behind her chair. "Looks like their reinforcements have arrived."

"Yeah, and they've already surrounded us."

"I see," Heero muttered, tossing a glance back at Wu Fei. "How many?"

Sally tapped a few buttons before replying. "Judging from those carriers, they've probably got 10 Virgos on each."

"So 40 mobile dolls," Heero shrugged. "Shouldn't be a problem."

Behind them, Wu Fei stood up suddenly as he announced. "It's me they're looking for." He turned and started to walk to doorway leading to cargo hold.

_Maybe I wasn't far from the mark. _"You're not using your head," Heero called out to his back. "You'd be committing suicide with your Gundam."

"I don't care."

Heero hesitated for one heartbeat. "Take Zero."

"What?" Wu Fei snapped, looking back at Heero, annoyance in his expression.

"Heero… " Sally murmured in surprise. _I never would have expected…_

"Take Wing Zero? "

"Yeah," Heero nodded and cautioned. "But don't get disillusioned by the cockpit system."

"Who am I after?"

"While you pilot the Zero," Heero said slowly, images flashing in his own memory. "It'll tell you who your true enemies are."

* * *

Wu Fei found that at first, piloting Zero was even more intuitive than piloting Nataku and that disturbed him a little. "It's worth a try…" he muttered, focusing his mind on the controls. He'd built a deep relationship with his Gundam, but found himself enjoying the rush of piloting the Zero System. _Such power…_

Anticipating every enemy with time to spare, he sliced his way through the dolls with growing intensity. "Come on, Zero! Show me! Let's see what you can do!" _Faster and stronger – they can't touch me._ More and more of the brainless machines were being crushed by his might and Zero was telling him… telling him that it was just as it ought to be! "The road I'm taking is correct! If you're telling me I'm wrong, then use all the power you've got to try and stop me!"

For a moment, he thought he was hit, but then he wasn't, and the lights inside Zero were flickering red and gold. _What are you trying to tell me?_ For a moment, Wu Fei entertained the idea of taking this all-powerful Gundam and using it to destroy every last remnant of weapons in space. _With a suit like this, I could do it alone! "_No!" _Pain._ "I can fight on my own!" _Loss._ "I'll keep on fighting alone until the day I die."

And against the starscape, Treize's face appeared and Wu Fei's body contorted inside the cockpit as the monitors – or was it his mind – flashed images of the failed duel. All the failures he'd ever had cycled through on repeat until he felt beaten down and without hope. _This… is this what Yuy was talking about, the disillusionment? "_I wanna keep fighting!"

_Zero! I can't accept this future!_

There was silence and Wu Fei took a single ragged breath. "Is that my future…?" he whispered. Zero hummed in response and new images flickered to life. _Maxwell, Barton, Winner, Yuy… soldier and thief, clown and heir… Nataku, is that our place now? "_With them? So my path will become the same as theirs."

_o/ Keep holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through  
Just stay strong  
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you  
There's nothing you could say  
Nothing you could do  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth  
So keep holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through /o_

* * *

"Earth's World Nation is claiming that unity will achieve peace. I never dreamed that I'd hear such rubbish from Treize.

I'm sure you haven't forgotten about an organization on Earth called Allied Forces of the United Earth Sphere Alliance. Did that ridiculous organization eliminate wars and make world peace a reality? Of course it didn't! Under the guise of "Peace and Justice" the Alliance came to the colonies with its overwhelming military force.

The eradication of wars cannot be achieved simply by uniting nations. It's a problem that requires an end to earthlings. Earthlings have fought since ancient times when our ancestors first walked upright. Battles between human races eventually became battles between countries. Over the thousands of years since the dawn of history, we have written our bloodstained history! The only reason is the fact that fighting is human nature!

Is our only choice to give up? No, that's hardly the truth.

The reason being that some humans possess the power to overcome their own base instincts. I'm sure you've noticed by now. The citizens of the colonies are a new breed of humans with the ability to gain true peace by controlling their instincts to battle. The colony citizens have lived their lives in space where earthlings aren't welcome. The colony citizens know through experience just how meaningless these tragic battles are. Understand that the colony citizens are preoccupied with living in space. They don't have the ability to fight. Then why did we stand up on their behalf? Because the old breed of mankind that loves to battle remains on their comfortable Earth and tries to conquer those of us who are defenseless.

It has been 200 years since our people began living in space. Isn't it time that we end this history filled with disputes? To do that we must eliminate the hotbed of all battles…the place that we call Earth!

Of course, we don't need to kill needlessly. Taking this into consideration, I once again announce to Treize Khushrenada, Sovereign of the World Nation: We demand that the Earth be eliminated from the universe! If you cannot abide by this demand, then we'll have no choice but to start a war to end all wars!"

Milliardo Peacecraft sat down with a whoosh as the screens went dark. _It is done._

* * *

_Zechs has lost it._

_A colony's been hit._

_Barge is destroyed._

Duo felt incredibly numb as he climbed down from Deathscythe and stripped out of his spacesuit. It had very little to do with the millimeters that had been between himself and death today and everything to do with how futile the whole situation seemed. _We fight and fight and still more lives are lost. It's the same thing over and over again… even with three of us working together, can we really make a difference? _Every step felt heavy and every breath seemed a struggle.

Just when Duo thought that nothing could reach through the heavy coating of molasses around his heart, Quatre made a strangled sound took off running across the cargo hold.

And then Duo noticed.

_Is that… Altron?_

_And.…Heavy Arms?_

…_Wing Zero?!_

"Trowa!" he grabbed the taller boy by the elbow and dragged him after Quatre. "Trowa, come on! It's your Gundam!!"

"Heero! Wu Fei!" Quatre was calling their names and waving and Duo couldn't quite believe his own eyes.

In the same green tank-top and spandex shorts, with the same messy chocolate hair and the same arms-crossed-over-chest stance, Heero stood calmly at the end of the platform beside Wu Fei.

Duo felt his heart drop into his toes and bounce back up again and a genuine grin burned the last of the sticky despair away with renewed fire.

_o/ Hear me when I say, when I say I believe  
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny  
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly /o_

* * *

**Up Next: Chapter 17 - Dare You To Move**

* * *


	17. Ch 17 Dare You To Move

**Author's Notes:** Last Monday, I called a place to find out that they had no interest in interviewing me unless I could be there in person - not that they were going to even call and tell me so. I ended up buying a 700 plane ticket less than 24 hours before the flight - which meant being super-checked by airport security when I flew from CA to NY the next morning at the ass crack of dawn. I then drove to VT, got no sleep in a hotel because it was the first time H and I have spent a night apart in almost 3 years, interviewed and then went apartment hunting all damn day. I then had to drive back to NY the next morning and fly back to CA, only my 3 hour layover in Chicago turned into 7 hours, half of it stuck on the tarmac in a plane with broken AC. Ask me how happy I was to be on the road from 4 AM to 10 PM and then be woken at 9 AM Friday morning by a phone call telling me they'd hired someone else. I was an absolute mess.

The silver lining, thankfully, is that I did indeed find H and I the most lovely half of a house to rent, so we now have an end destination for our move on the 26th of July. I spent the rest of the weekend writing fanfic and playing Wii in order to recover. This weekend, we're going to Anime Expo Friday (cosplaying Heero & Duo, of course) and then Saturday we're driving to Vegas for a concert.

Don't worry, though - chapter 18 is one I've been looking forward to writing since the day I started this story. I wanted to thank my two lone reviewers (out of 110 readers at last count?) for being so kind in taking the time to say a few words.

**Irenthel:** I'm delighted that you're enjoying the story so far and that you approve of the characterizations! Don't worry if you're craving more - I have so much more planned and some of my very favorite parts are coming up soon! I wish you much luck with your own story too.

**KS:** KS, I have no idea what I'd do without you. Thank you, thank you, thank you! "Genius creation" is a huge part of where this story is ultimately headed - what I mean, is, as much as there will always be drama, I'm hoping that coming chapters and plot arcs will start to show the other layers of the pilots' personalities, outside of the war, too. I'm thrilled that you're still reading and enjoying this story.

Summer is here. When did that happen?

Sometimes things don't always turn out the way we plan. The fates push and pull us along the path - We find the reasons why - one step at a time.

* * *

**Chapter 17 – Dare You To Move (Episodes 43 - 44)**

_o/ Welcome to the planet  
Welcome to existence  
Everyone's here  
Everyone's here /o_

"Heero! Wu Fei!" Quatre called out as he used the weak gravity to float towards the two who had just arrived.

"So you made it without getting shot to pieces," Duo added with a grin.

Heero kept his expression neutral, but was surprised to find his pulse quickening a little at the sight of the braided pilot. He'd been so caught up on Earth with Sanc Kingdom and Wing Zero that it was only at this moment that he realized how long it had been since he'd seen Duo. _Back on the Lunar Base…_

"Mind if we stay for awhile?" Wu Fei greeted Quatre politely, though he already knew thanks to Sally that they were more than welcome.

"No, stay as long as you like," Quatre responded with equal politeness as he came to a stop in front of them. "I'm just glad to have you visit." _I can hardly believe it… the two most reticent and opposed to working together… we're finally all here… a team._ The very thought enlarged the grin on his face and he turned to gesture behind them. "If you'd like, I'll take you to meet Howard, the man in charge of this ship."

"That would be acceptable," Wu Fei nodded and started to follow Quatre, pausing only a moment to acknowledge Duo and Trowa with another nod. "Trowa, we've brought your mobile suit with us."

"…really?" Trowa's eyes widened and he looked quickly to Quatre for guidance, which Heero found immediately suspicious, though he said nothing.

"Why don't you come with us, Trowa?" Quatre asked quickly, his eyes darting from Heero to Duo, feeling slightly guilty for leaving his friend behind to explain.

Once Trowa had followed the other two down the platform towards Howard, Heero turned to Duo and asked him without hesitation. "Has Trowa lost his memory?"

Duo blinked several times, opening and closing his mouth a few times before giving a short grunt of affirmation. "You deduced that from one glance?" _What was I expecting? An I'm-so-happy-to-see-you hug? Of course, it's business as usual._

"Trowa's not normally a hesitant person when it comes to making decisions."

"Ah, well… " Duo trailed off, not sure how to respond to that statement, as he honestly didn't really know Trowa that well. There was a long silence as Heero moved to stand against the railing, his arms still crossed over his chest. "It's… been awhile," Duo started again awkwardly, giving Heero a small smile before turning around to rest his arms on the railing. _I feel caught between wanting to shake him or hit him or… kiss him…_ Duo wanted to just pick up where they'd left off, but so much had happened in the last few weeks and he really hadn't confided his doubts about the war and their position in it to anyone, even Quatre. It left him feeling disjointed and disconnected. The images that the Zero System had shown him still hung in the back of his mind and he gave a mild start as he realized he was staring right at it. _Wing Zero?!_ Duo glanced quickly up and down the hangar, but the original Wing was nowhere in sight, which could only mean… "You brought that troublesome suit with you," he muttered. "You'd have to be insane to pilot a thing like that."

Heero had been carefully observing Duo's awkward attempts to connect with him and every gesture the other boy made suddenly brought to mind the strange dream he'd had when first piloting Epyon. "I never asked you to pilot it," he deadpanned, changing neither posture nor expression.

_Damn…so he is piloting the Zero System._ Duo was startled and amused by the humor, though, considering their parting and the boot he'd once thrown at Heero's face, he really shouldn't have been surprised. "_You_ piloted it, though," he shot back immediately as he turned to face the other boy. "If you can…" He left the implied "I can too" hanging in the air, not wanting to actually relate his horrifying one-time excursion on the system.

_Still so easy to provoke… _Enjoying the reaction he was getting out of Duo, Heero glanced over at him slyly out of the corner of his blue eyes before adding another barb. "I can handle that suit. I've piloted the Epyon, and it has the same system on it."

"Epyon?!" Duo was sincerely shocked this time and would have guessed that Heero was just fucking with him – except that Heero knew how Duo felt about lying… didn't he? "You mean the one that Zechs was in?! Why were you piloting that?" He waited for a response and when he received none, he knew that Heero was telling him the truth. Momentarily defeated, Duo slumped dramatically before turning away and folding his arms over his chest in a mimic of Heero's usual stance. "I almost forgot what you're like," he muttered, knowing the other pilot would see through his words and know he was just messing back at him. "You're just about as loony as they come!" He started to walk away as he saw Quatre on his way back to them.

"Duo."

Heero had taken one step closer while Duo's back was turned and just before Quatre came within earshot, he leaned in a little, speaking low as he touched Duo's shoulder lightly with one hand. "I've heard that crazy _attracts_ crazy."

Duo was so stunned by the remark – _was it Heero's attempt at humor? Was it supposed to be an insult? A come-on? _ – that he didn't even respond.

"What was that about?" Quatre asked with a puzzled look, glancing back at Heero as he disappeared down the platform and around the corner, noting the hint of pink in Duo's cheeks.

"Nothing," Duo mumbled. "It was nothing."

* * *

_o/ Everybody's watching you now  
Everybody waits for you now  
What happens next  
What happens next /o_

Trowa had hoped that seeing his Gundam again would spark something in his memories, but other than a very hazy image of explosions going off in his mind's eye, he felt nothing, and it frustrated him. "That's my Gundam…" he murmured to himself, gazing up at it thoughtfully.

"Trowa, we'll modify your suit for space compatibility," Howard called down to him from up above.

"Appreciate it," he called back. _Maybe if I get inside it, fight with it, I'll remember…_

"Even once it gets modified, you're nothing but a sitting duck to the enemy. You're better off not returning to battle." Wu Fei had realized immediately when Quatre had introduced him to Howard and shown Trowa the mobile suit that the taller boy had no recollection of it. He knew full well that he was being harsh, maybe even cruel, in his assessment of Trowa's situation, but it was really for his own good. _Weak people should not fight and someone with no memory of their training and experience is weak in my eyes._

Trowa knew the voice was Wu Fei without even turning around, and so he didn't, not wanting the other to see how much the comment bothered him. Quatre and Duo had been entirely supportive, if worried, about his desire to fight with them, but Wu Fei's reaction was the complete opposite. _But what if he's right? I don't care so much about putting myself in danger, but if I end up being a danger to Quatre and Duo out on the battlefield… "_You're probably right," he finally muttered in response before turning sharply and walking away. Whether or not Wu Fei was right, Trowa was also certain that letting the comments make him even more insecure wasn't going to help him regain his memories.

At the other end of the platform, Duo and Quatre were watching the latest news reports on a large monitor and Trowa stood a few steps behind their turned backs to observe.

"This is a declaration to White Fang. The OZ Space Force has taken over Colony C421! We demand you return the space battleship Libra that you seized! Should you ignore our demand, we cannot guarantee the safety of this colony or its citizens!"

"The OZ guys in space have really lost it now," Duo muttered in annoyance.

Quatre turned to look at Duo with a slow shake of his head. "That's because White Fang has pushed them to the edge. White Fang didn't leave OZ a place to run. And this is how it resulted."

"Those weaklings depend too much on their mobile dolls," Wu Fei spoke up from behind them, startling Trowa a little. He had some tools in his hands and shrugged as he started to work on Altron. "What do you expect?"

_Why does he have such a negative attitude? _Trowa's eyes narrowed and he saw Quatre give him a concerned look, but he turned around and started to walk away. "I'm… going to see where Heero went."

"He's probably gone to speak with Noin and Sally," Duo guessed, folding his arms behind his head with a sigh.

"We should really all sit down and discuss this latest development," Quatre agreed. "Let's head to the control room." He jogged a few steps to catch up to Trowa and smiled gently. "Everything okay?" he said, too softly for the others to overhear.

Trowa didn't want Quatre to worry about him any more than he already was, so he simply nodded. "I'm fine."

* * *

_o/ Welcome to the fallout  
Welcome to resistance  
The tension is here /o_

In the control room, Heero, Sally and Noin had already pulled up the current positions of the various forces and the pilots gathered around the display as Sally filled them in on White Fang's response to OZ's takeover of the colony. "Libra's changed direction. They're heading for the colony taken over by OZ."

"They only changed direction?" Heero responded skeptically. _No doll deployment?_ "So they're gonna fire the main cannon."

Duo turned to look at Heero, his eyebrows rising in surprise. "And destroy the whole colony?" _Zechs has lost his mind!_ "That guy's unreal," he growled, his hands curling into fists at his side.

"Impossible," Noin defended him immediately, ignoring the huff of disgust that came from Wu Fei, where he stood off in the corner, a few steps away from the other pilots. "Zechs would never do such a thing!"

There was a moment of silence before Quatre tried to diplomatically express the rest of the groups' opinion without further hurting Noin's already fragile feelings. "I can understand how you'd wanna believe that. But he's the White Fang leader."

"I know, but…" Noin started, pausing when Wu Fei made another displeased noise from his corner.

Only marginally paying attention to the argument, Trowa's eyes were still on the news report on the smaller console in front of him and he froze as the camera suddenly panned over a familiar face in the group of colonists that had been taken hostage. _Catherine!_

"No buts!" Wu Fei finally snapped at Noin. "He is leading a militaristic group! Their movements are a direct reflection of his decisions!"

"Wu Fei," Quatre took a few steps towards the other pilot, his glance flicking back and forth between the Chinese boy and Noin's stricken and pale face.

"We can't let White Fang fire the cannon at a colony no matter who's in charge!" Duo added, trying to help Quatre diffuse the tension.

Amidst the arguing about whether or not they should get involved, no one saw Trowa slip out the door besides Heero, but assuming Trowa simply didn't want to listen to the fighting, he didn't stop the other boy. Noin was being completely unreasonable, Wu Fei was being completely antagonistic, Quatre was playing the diplomat and Heero was quickly remembering why he hated not working alone. _But what point would there be to Zechs firing that cannon at the very same colonies he's supposedly trying to protect? It's no way to gain the support of the colonists. What is he really up to?_

The argument was only interrupted by the sudden wailing of sirens and Sally quickly punched a few buttons, bringing up live feed from the hangar to reveal Trowa in a spacesuit, helmet tucked under his arm. "Trowa?!" Quatre gasped, running back over to the monitor with a horrified look on his face. "Heero, he's taking Wing Zero!"

Heero watched quietly as Trowa climbed into his Gundam, Howard yelling at him and waving frantically, and he shrugged slightly. "I owe Trowa a favor," he said, feeling no need to explain any further. _Trowa lent me Heavy Arms to fight Zechs in Antarctica, among other things, so if he wants to borrow Wing Zero… perhaps Zero will show him his past as well as his future._

"He's really gone overboard!" Duo stood tensely beside Quatre, his eyes fixed on the screen. _Shit! How did none of us notice him leaving?!_

"Let's follow him!" Quatre turned and implored Duo with a hint of desperation. "Wing Zero is too dangerous in his state!"

"Right!" Duo agreed, following Quatre out of the room. With Heavy Arms and Altron in repairs, they were the best hope of catching up to Trowa and finding out what had caused him to take off so abruptly. _Does he care that strongly about the colony being in danger? Did some sort of memory spark him?_

"Oh Allah, this is all my fault," Quatre fretted as he and Duo ran back to the hangar to grab spacesuits.

"Don't even start that," Duo snapped quickly, reaching out to hit his arm lightly. "You didn't tell Trowa to steal that suit and run off on his own! What the hell could he be thinking?!"

Having had a few minutes to contemplate it, Quatre could come up with only one answer. "Did you see the circus tent in the background, Duo? I think Catherine might be in that group of hostages."

The stream of curses that rolled out of Duo's mouth in response was quite lengthy and spurred them even more quickly onward.

* * *

_o/ Tension is here  
Between who you are and who you could be  
Between how it is and how it should be /o_

Piloting Wing Zero was nothing like piloting the regular OZ mobile suits.

The machine breathed with Trowa as if it was an extension of him body, the beeps were his heartbeat, the flashing monitors his eyes and his hands were so sweaty he was having trouble keeping a firm grip on the controls. The longer he fought the dolls – flying, slashing, turning, punching, spinning, blasting – the more his vision began to blur with the little red symbols and he trembled.

"I-I've gotta save Catherine…" _I can't let my lack of memories stand in the way. If I just believe I can save her, then I'm sure my body will do what it's been trained to do, do the things I don't remember learning… it's just like… just like riding a lion or walking a wire… I can do it even if I can't… can't remember… how... why…_

"Trowa!"

Trowa blinked hard, choking as he saw Catherine coming towards him, lovely in her circus costume, running to embrace him – _I see the enemies, Zero! I see them, but I have to protect… _- Trowa fired again, screaming as the fiery explosions melted the image of Catherine along with the enemy suits.

Quatre could see the explosions from a distance and he quickly agreed to let Duo handle the colony from within. _This is my mess… _ As soon as he was close enough, the monitor popped up and he could tell immediately that the system had all but possessed Trowa. His eyes were glassy and focused on the screens, not even noticing Quatre's presence as he destroyed doll after doll with no regard to how close to the colony they were fighting. _No! I can't let him make the same mistake I did! It's horrible enough that I destroyed that mostly evacuated colony… but if I let Trowa hurt Catherine… he'd never forgive himself. Never. I'd never forgive myself._

"Don't do it! Trowa!" Trowa was aiming at the colony now, oblivious to the fact that the doll was trying to use it as a cover and Quatre pressed Sandrock forward, screaming at his unresponsive friend as he blasted the doll away from the side. "Open your eyes, Trowa!" _Is this… is this what Trowa felt like, trying to stop me? So helpless? _"The person you have to protect lives there! You were the one that corrected the mistake I made!" _Please, please don't make me fight you, Trowa…_ Quatre thought his heart was breaking into tiny little pieces and he screamed again with all the breath he had, hoping that somehow he could get through to the other boy.

Wing Zero was hovering in space, motionless, as Trowa bent over the controls, his breathing ragged and uneven. _That voice… that voice that keeps calling my name… it's just like before…_ "I can't let you make the same mistake now! Don't let the Zero System control you! You're to strong to let that happen!" _That voice that keeps calling my name…_

_o/ Maybe redemption has stories to tell  
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell /o_

Trowa clutched at his helmet as his head pounded, squeezing his eyes closed to try and blot out the sound that kept rising in pitch all around him, but he could not keep the memories from coming. Helpless to the onslaught, he choked out a few words. "Th-the person… I wanna protect…"

Trowa's life flashed in chunks, puzzle pieces twirling and whirling and trying to sort themselves back into order – without a name, 

_Trowa Barton – _flying, the window of stars, on the lion's back - he was inside Heavy Arms, fighting confidently – and an explosion, always the explosions – and Heero, Heero's injured _there's nothing wrong with acting on your emotions_ Catherine, laughing, slipping the mask in place - Catherine – slapping him, those tears – and reloading bullets – standing in front of the cockpit, Quatre _We shouldn't be fighting_ picking up a violin, a glass of red wine cold metal flute in his hands – a campfire, the smell of smoke and overly salty soup Wu Fei silent company – really fucking itchy uniforms and Duo's eyes flashing, fingers brushing fingers and the feeling of triumph – the great void of space, the fighting, the redundant fighting, the cause fighting – stale air, the sizzling crack of electricity and the voice is calling to him again, Quatre is screaming his name over and over and over and o--

"Trowa! Trowa!! Are you all right?! TROWA!!" Quatre didn't care about the tears rolling down his face, his hot breath fogging his helmet as his hands hesitated in making a decision. Wing Zero was still hovering in front of him, motionless, and Trowa had been bent over the controls for a long time before an answer finally came. "You're right, Quatre." The blond gasped a breath in surprise at the familiar lilting tone that had been so absent from Trowa's speech patterns with his memory missing. _Could he… is it possible… oh, Allah… can I dare to hope?_

Sitting up slowly, Trowa flexed his hands and wrapped them around the controls. He knew that there was a lot for him to process and make sense of, but for the most part, he finally felt like himself again. _And I owe it to Quatre… and Duo._ Turning to look straight at Quatre's monitor, he felt his heart squeeze at the hopeful tear-streaked face of his dear friend. "We both have people to protect."

Quatre's empathy flared sharply as their eyes met, telling him everything without needing to ask, and he could not keep the joy from his face. "T-Trowa! Your memory's back!"

_Yes, Quatre. That's the way I want to see you. Smiling._ "Let's go," he said, turning Wing Zero to face the colony. "Catherine's waiting for us."

* * *

As soon as he was certain that all of the OZ suits were taken care of, Duo left Trowa and Quatre to calm down the colony citizens as he opened a line to Peacemillion. "We've saved the colony! Tell White Fang to cancel their attack!" he reported breathlessly.

"There won't be any need," Wu Fei's voice came back over the monitor, through he wasn't in the viewscreen beside Sally. "What you guys just did was in vain."

"What?!" Duo asked in confusion as Heero stepped into the picture. _In vain? But they don't need to fire the cannon at the colony now that we've eliminated the threat from OZ!_

"The target of Libra's main cannon was never that colony," Heero informed him quickly.

"What?! Then what was?" Duo snapped back. _If there's no OZ here to fire at, then his enemy is… oh, SHIT. _Duo's eyes went wide in realization at the precise moment that the monitor showing Libra outside the colony flickered sharply. "You don't mean…?"

There were multiple voices coming from the line to Peacemillion, but Duo slapped the mute button as Trowa and Quatre came to stand beside him, each watching in horror as Libra's cannon bypassed the colony to strike a direct blow to Earth. _Treize is never gonna let that go._ "There's no turning back now…" Duo murmured, more to himself than anyone else. Closing his eyes for a moment couldn't erase the image he's sure would be burned there forever. _How could anyone do such a thing? What can we possibly do to stop him?_

"Maybe we're powerless against him," Quatre shook his head sadly, as if he'd read Duo's thoughts.

"Perhaps…" Duo whispered, trying to swallow the lump in his throat to no avail.

"We should head back to Peacemillion now that the threat is averted," Trowa's voice was calm and steady.

"Yes, you're right," Quatre agreed, his face pale and his lips tight. "I'll take point. Forgive me, but I… I need a few minutes to myself."

His monitor went dark as Sandrock took off, and Duo and Trowa followed silently behind until they had left the colony in the distance and were back in the silent void of outer space.

"Hey, Duo?" Trowa's voice came across the monitor.

Trying to shake off the daze he'd felt since watching that shot be fired, Duo offered Trowa a small smile. _Maybe saving the colony was in vain when Zechs' true target was Earth, but if it means Trowa's regained his memory, then this fight was not a waste. _"Yeah, Tro?" he tried to inject even an ounce of cheerfulness into his voice.

Trowa was silent for a moment as he tried to find a way to express the feelings in his heart, something he was admittedly not very used to doing. "I wanted you to know… that I've always really enjoyed peanut butter and jelly, but that I probably like grape just a little bit better than strawberry."

It was really the last thing in the world that Duo was expecting to hear after they'd just watched White Fang blast Earth and were on the verge of a battle that would probably cost all of them their lives, and yet, at the same time, it was exactly what he _needed_ to hear. Surprised to find himself suddenly blinking back tears, he ducked his head with a short and crisp laugh so that Trowa wouldn't see. "I'll keep that in mind for next time."

"I don't really know how to thank you for sending Quatre to me," Trowa added quickly, watching Duo's reaction with interest, knowing now that Deathscythe's pilot wasn't the type to get flustered easily.

"Heh heh…" Duo chuckled a little. "I think you just did, but really, s'not necessary. I know you would've done the same."

"True, but I still know that I owe you one." There was silence for a moment until Duo finally looked up again with a warmer smile than the first one he'd given.

"I'm really glad you got your memory back, Trowa."

This time it was Trowa's turn to laugh. "You can't possibly be happier than I am!" It was at that exact moment that Quatre' s monitor popped up again and hearing the mutual laughter of his two friends, he raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Did I miss something?" he asked them with genuine curiosity, heartened at their ability to find some levity at such a difficult time. It had taken him a few minutes just to collect his thoughts and feelings after witnessing such a brutal attack.

"How do you like your peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, Quatre?" Duo asked him, as Trowa hadn't stopped chuckling yet. "Strawberry or grape?"

Quatre looked from one monitor to the other, his cheeks coloring a little as he wondered if there was some sort of joke or innuendo he was totally oblivious to. "Well, honestly…" he stated slowly, then paused, figuring he might as well give them an honest answer. "I don't eat it with jelly."

"No jelly?" Duo asked incredulously, leaning closer to the monitor and dramatically opening his mouth into the shape of an O.

"Then what do you eat it with?" Trowa asked, tilting his head a little in confusion.

There was silence as they both waited for Quatre's answer, at which point he finally squeaked out one word. "Bananas!" He cleared his throat as they both leaned closer and tried to speak a little more calmly. "I eat my peanut butter sandwiches with bananas."

"Bananas?! Now that's bizarre!" Duo burst out laughing even harder than before.

"Are you making fun of me?!" Quatre demanded playfully. "It's really quite delicious! You should try it some time."

"We will," Trowa promised between chuckles. "Sometime soon, we'll all sit down and trade peanut butter sandwiches."

* * *

_I knew Relena would seek out Zechs… she's so utterly and completely predictable!_ Dorothy leaned against the door outside of the room she'd locked Relena into with an expression of glee, absolutely delighted with herself. _Everything is going according to plan! It's going to be a glorious war, Grandfather!_

* * *

"Damn, is it really 4 AM by ship clock?" Duo sighed as he flopped down onto a bench. "I swear that time has lost all meaning to me lately."

"I'm sorry to have kept you both up all night," Trowa apologized as they pulled off their helmets and stripped out of their spacesuits.

"Nothing to apologize for, Trowa," Quatre smiled, running both hands through his hair as he shook his head a little, glad for fresher air. "It was worth it."

"Absolutely," Duo agreed as they made their way to Peacemillion's control room. He was glad that Trowa had recovered his memory, but bothered about how the rest of the trip had turned out. The moment he stepped onto the bridge, his eyes were drawn to where Heero stood leaning against the wall on the far side of the room. _I can't believe he didn't tell us until after it was over that Zechs' target was Earth. I know we were going after Trowa, but shouldn't we have tried to stop Zechs too?_ He sat down at one of the consoles, with Quatre standing just behind him and Trowa to his right. Sally and Wu Fei both stood close to Howard and Noin sat on the older man's other side, even more withdrawn than when they'd left.

"Now then, how shall we proceed?" Howard addressed the group.

"Destroy Libra!" Wu Fei responded immediately and sharply. "It's that simple."

Sally turned to look at him with a small shake of her head. "Will that end the war?"

Quatre had been reading the reports over Duo's shoulder and he straightened and looked back at the two of them before responding. "No, it won't. On Earth, Treize is preparing to send a military force to space. The colonies will retaliate against that." _At least, White Fang seems determined to retaliate on their behalf._

Duo stopped typing and looked up at Quatre, trying to figure out if his friend was in favor of destroying Libra or not. "But we can't just leave Libra." _I'm sure that Zechs will take another shot at Earth when that thing's repaired._ Duo turned to look back at the rest of the group as he raised his hand in the air. "I'm all for destroying it!"

"Sure, but is that an option?" Trowa added immediately, watching as everyone's eyes snapped to look at him and realizing that it felt really good to understand what was going on around him again.

"Are you saying we take on Zechs as our enemy?" Noin finally spoke up.

Duo turned around to look at the screen again to keep himself from giving her a death glare. "You think that guy's our ally?" _Did she not see him FIRE at and HIT the Earth?!_

"Well…" she started slowly.

Howard cut her off to save another fight over Zechs' loyalties and glanced across the room. "Heero, what's your opinion?"

"Zechs is our enemy," Heero replied in a tone that left no room for argument. "He feels the same way about us."

The wailing of alert sirens cut off his next statement and the large monitors flashed to show incoming enemies. "Howard!" one of the ship's crew called out loudly. "Mobile suit carriers are approaching. A huge White Fang fleet!"

Duo glanced up at Trowa with a gesture of annoyance, knowing that he'd feel the same frustration. "There you have it; they beat us to the punch."

Trowa nodded slightly and called to Howard. "Is Heavy Arms ready?"

"All ready to go. Altron too."

Wu Fei looked pleased for the first time since he'd come aboard Sally's shuttle and she watched him with amusement as he headed for the door. "Okay, let's go!"

_Wow… are we really all going to finally fight together? _Duo watched as Trowa, Quatre and surprisingly, Noin, followed Wu Fei out the door, but hung back for a moment, pausing in front of where Heero was standing and resting a hand on his shoulder with a small smile. "Let's go, Heero!"

Heero could already tell that his answer wasn't going to be well-received, but there wasn't time for him to explain his motives in detail and not give away what he needed to do. "Sorry, but Wing Zero won't be joining this battle."

Duo immediately snatched his hand away and drew back in surprise. "What's going on, Heero?"

"Gotta take care of something," he said evasively, turning to leave. _As much as I don't want to admit it, I can't let Duo know that I want to observe the battle – he could act differently and contaminate the data, making it that much harder for me to help protect them._

"What?" Duo repeated incredulously as if he hadn't heard what Heero had clearly said. "Something more important than fighting with us to protect Peacemillion?!"

"Yes, Maxwell," Heero snapped, growing frustrated by the fact that Duo couldn't just take him at his word.

Duo stared at the back of Heero's head in disbelief, wondering why he couldn't just be honest about what else he had planned. "Whatever," Duo muttered darkly, pushing past Heero and marching towards the hangar. _I don't have time to play games right now._

Heero watched Duo go with a frustrated knot in his gut before turning and walking back into the control room. Ignoring the curious look he got from Sally, he slid into the console that Duo had been sitting in, the chair still holding onto a trace of his warmth, and typed a few commands to bring up the views surrounding Peacemillion - just in time to watch Deathscythe soar away from the ship, twirling the scythe from one hand to another in an angry brandish.

The five mobile suits had barely reached a loose formation when the battle began, fast and furious. A moment's hesitation and they were all racing off in different directions, not working together in even the slightest way, and Heero frowned as he observed the tactics of the other pilots. Each Gundam had a slightly different range and attack style, and each pilot had a different balance when it came to attacking, defending and counter-attacking, but they were all running into the same problems. The dolls were dividing into mostly groups of three, working back to back and combining the strength and area of their shields to make them much harder to hit. The Gundams were destroying them, slowly but surely, but they were taking a hell of a lot of damage at the same time, separated as they were.

_This isn't random… the dolls have definitely been loaded with a new strategic program – one that changes commands based on real-time battle observations._ "You may think they are worthless, Wu Fei…" Heero murmured as he rose to his feet and started towards the hangar. "But there's no denying that the dolls are getting smarter."

If he were out there fighting with them, it would be easy to use the Zero System to counteract the new programming and lead the group. Unfortunately, Heero already had no doubt in his mind that he would not be able to take that position in the coming battle. Even with Treize sending troops to outer space, Zechs and Epyon were still most likely to demand a 1-on-1 fight with Wing Zero, taking him out of the battle with the dolls or any other enemies. _But who should lead them? Who could not only master the Zero System, but be the right person to guide them – able not only to make the best decisions with no time to make them in, but also to have those decisions be respected by the others?_

Climbing into Wing Zero, Heero carefully opened several panels behind his chair and slid out the programming tray. "It's natural Zechs would use his mobile dolls strategically," he said softly to himself. "But I still think there's some other strategist behind this latest development, someone who's really made note of our collective weak point, out inability to work as a cohesive unit." He set the Zero System program to copy onto some spare discs and then used Zero's monitors to pull up the battle footage again. _I'm glad to see that my instincts were right._

Noin and Quatre had caught onto the new programming as well and were fighting back to back, minimizing the damage they were taking. Heavy Arms had lost part of its right arm, but Heero watched as Deathscythe soared to assist Trowa. The fight was nearing its end and they had won, but not without a costly price. Zero's lights flickered and Heero closed his eyes, listening to the Gundam in a way he'd never admit to anyone else. "Yes, I know that, Zero." _We can't continue taking damage at this pace and still be able to assist in taking down Libra. _"As it stands, we can't possibly beat Zechs."

Heero removed the copied discs and climbed down from Wing Zero, setting them aside for the moment. In the end, if there was going to be any hope of them surviving, then there was only one person he could imagine thrusting this responsibility on – the one who'd fought so hard to bring them together in the first place.

* * *

When Sally walked into the lounge and saw the current state of the Gundam team, she felt truly worried for the first time. Quatre sat at a table, leaning forward with hands clasped, quiet and pensive, a grim expression taking the place of his usual smile. Trowa was gazing absently out the view port as Duo sat drinking a soda, his space suit only half-removed and his eyes closed, and Wu Fei had disengaged totally, floating in midair in a meditative stance. Leaning against the wall, Sally took a deep breath and asked them softly. "Are you okay?" She was perhaps the only person who could have gotten away with asking them such a thing, but each of them knew she cared not only about the outcome of the war, but also about their individual fates, and so no one bothered telling her anything but the truth.

"It was brutal," Trowa said softly, his eyes still locked on some far distant point in space.

"Their programming has been changed," Quatre added in explanation.

"They kept coming after us no matter how hard we fought," Duo opened his eyes and pulled the straw out of his mouth with a pop.

Quatre couldn't even bring himself to look up at Sally or Duo. _We only won because they ran out of dolls… but we can't possibly keep going at this pace. As it is, none of us have slept in almost 48 hours._ "Fighting like that won't get us anywhere. What we really need now is a plan.

"Easier said than done," Duo replied, turning his gaze to the ceiling. "We've already made it pretty close to Libra. Too late for a plan."

"More mobile dolls will come to guard Libra," Trowa assumed. "They'll probably separate us, then attack." _Just like today… but worse._

Sally moved away from the wall and took a few steps closer. _They aren't soldiers in the same army – they weren't trained to fight together, but they have to learn how. _"You're right. And the enemy will attack when you're most worn out."

Wu Fei's eyes snapped open, proving he'd been listening to everything they'd said so far. "That means we'll have to crush Libra before they get to us."

Quatre hid his face between his arms, his hands clasped at his forehead. _No! We don't stand a chance! But what options do we have?_ He and Noin had tried today, but no one would listen to his pleas for them to work together and he was starting to wonder if, even in the same place and the same battle, they were all too independent to be a team. _I don't want to believe that - when I still think we all have teamwork in our hearts - but after what happened today…_ "Howard said it's a minimum of fourteen hours before the repairs would be complete."

"Then we need to be ready to leave as soon as that time arrives," Wu Fei shot back, planting his feet firmly on the floor. "I would advise each of you to get some rest before then, or the enemy may have the advantage."

Wu Fei was out the door before Quatre could even broach the idea of coming up with a plan again and Duo rose to his feet a moment later. "I'm gonna grab a shower first and then do the same," Duo looked from Quatre's back to Trowa's back with a frown before turning and leaving the room.

_We don't even have any idea how to take down Libra. Are we going to try and infiltrate? What if they attack us before we attack them? What if we aren't ready?_ All these thoughts whirled around in Duo's mind as he stood under the hot water until every finger and every toe was pruning, but he still couldn't come up with any answers. They would fight because they had to and it would turn out how it was going to turn out – the same as always. _So why am I still so angry? _

Duo knew he was supposed to be sleeping, but he ended up wandering the ship from hangar to control room to lounge to the door to Heero's room until he finally realized what was really eating away at him. _It will never be a team unless it's all of us._ And he'd thought it was – he'd really thought he and Heero had developed a working bond after their time at the school - a bond that had remained throughout Africa and outer space, the Lunar Base, Earth and Sanc Kingdom and Hilde and Relena… _Why am I back at the same place again, wishing he would trust me enough to sit down and share the details and figure it out together?_ Raising one hand, he ran his teeth over his bottom lip before knocking sharply. For a long moment, there was no response, but then a soft beep-click sounded and the door slid open to reveal Heero, looking wide awake and clad in his usual black and green.

Heero had already assumed that Duo would come and find him, and shades of the confrontation at the aquarium so very long ago snapped into his mind. The defiant hurt in those stunning indigo eyes was so similar to the way the braided boy had looked that day, when he'd demanded that they work together, when he'd accused Heero of blowing him off due to the attraction between them. Thinking of how easily he now accepted the spark he'd once tried to deny only gave Heero more cause to try and diffuse what had happened earlier. He hadn't said it out loud, but the other pilots mattered to him, especially Duo. "Do you want to come in?"

Duo hadn't expected the invite, so he'd taken a deep breath, ready to vent his entire heart at the doorway if need be. As his mind registered what Heero was asking him, his balloon deflated a little and he nodded sharply, pushing past Heero and into the room. _I had an entire speech prepared on my way here and now that he's standing in front of me, I can't even remember how it started._ "So what was it?" he finally demanded as Heero closed the door behind them and leaned against it, crossing his arms over his chest. "What was so damn important that you couldn't fight with us today?" Duo stared hard at Heero, knowing that he didn't even care what it was as much as he cared that Heero hadn't filled him in.

_If he was a cat, he'd be hissing at me._ Heero let his eyes travel from Duo's damp hair to the white wife beater to the bare feet before lifting his head to meet that angry gaze. Earlier, he'd been frustrated at Duo's inability to simply trust his decision, but having had hours to compare the current Angry-Duo with the past Angry-Duo, he had come to see why his actions might have frustrated the braided boy. _Not that I have any intention of apologizing for doing what I know needed to be done._ Still, he knew how Duo felt about honesty and how his actions must have been perceived. _But does he really think I'd abandon them to a battle without just cause? _"What do you think I was doing?" he finally asked, uncertain of how to unravel the mess they'd made.

"Not being part of the team," Duo snapped back immediately, his hands on his hips now. "We could have used your…" Duo trailed off, not wanting to let on how badly the group was in need of leadership, even though he was sure it had to be obvious. His voice softened as he averted his eyes. "We needed you out there today."

"Well, it's better that you didn't get used to me being there," Heero started, then paused as Duo's head snapped up, his expression painfully stunned. "Wait! Wait, Duo – let me explain." For a moment, it looked like Duo was about to read him the riot act, but he took a deep breath and then nodded, so Heero continued. "You know this is coming to a final showdown between Zechs and Treize, yes?"

"I don't see what that has to do with anything," Duo muttered, jamming his hands into his pockets and looking at the floor.

"Duo."

"Right, right, shutting up, letting you explain."

"There may be two sets of troops, or dolls and troops, really – but Zechs is piloting Epyon. Who do you think he's really going to go after?"

"You."

"Exactly," Heero nodded, pushing himself off the door and crossing the room to sit down in the middle of the bed. "No matter how this battle goes, that part is pretty damn close to inevitable."

"So you just wanted us to get used to fighting without your help," Duo guessed, pausing as he realized that Heero was, on the first count, absolutely right about Zechs, and on the second count, not abandoning the team in all actuality. His shoulders sagging as most of the fight went out of him, he sat down beside Heero on the end of the bed with a heavy sigh. His exhaustion was beginning to catch up with him as the adrenaline of being angry wore off. "Sorry for jumping to conclusions," he muttered, pulling the end of his braid into his hand and squeezing a few drops of water from the tail, "but that still doesn't tell me what you were doing. Or was that a ruse?"

"I wouldn't lie to you, Duo," Heero said softly, reaching over to place a hand on the braided boy's knee. "I was observing the battle, working out--"

"You were coming up with a plan!" Duo turned to look at Heero in surprise, his face immediately brightening. _How could I ever think he'd just leave us to die after he came and rescued me from that prison?_ "You knew we could handle this battle, so you were trying to prepare for the next one!"

Heero would have tried to explain further, but Duo had already flung his arms around Heero's neck and was hugging him tightly, babbling in tired half-sentences punctuated by soft chuckles of relief. He slowly slid his own arms around the other boy in return, enjoying the feeling of having Duo's warmth against him. At the angle Duo was holding him at, it was all too easy for Heero to simply tilt his head and let his lips brush over the bare skin where neck met shoulder, pleased as Duo's chatter trailed off into a shiver and a sharp intake of breath.

"Heero?" Duo murmured as he threaded one hand into the short hair at the back of Heero's neck.

The lilt in the way Duo said his name made it even harder for Heero to draw back, but he knew that time was short and all of them were running on empty. "I should let you get some rest," he said softly, wanting to feel guilty for having let himself indulge, but unable to because he'd enjoyed it so much.

"Are you crazy?" Duo shot back, curling one hand around Heero's wrist to try and keep him from pulling away. "Are you telling me to choose sleep over…over you? I'm not t-tiiiahh-rd," Duo's last word was garbled by a giant yawn and Heero reached out with both hands to shove him lightly until he fell backwards at an angle across the bed.

"I won't deny that it's tempting, Maxwell," Heero retorted, crawling up the bed beside him and hovering over the sleepy face. "But I'd rather you not pass out on me when I decide to…"

But Heero's last words were lost to the void as Duo rolled to curl up against him, already sound asleep.

_o/ Where can you run to escape from yourself?  
Where you gonna go?  
Salvation is here /o_

* * *

He hadn't meant to eavesdrop, if it could even be called that. He'd only been thirsty and on the way back to his room from the kitchen after retrieving some bottled water.

Instead, Trowa now found himself sitting just outside Quatre's door, listening to the disjointed fragments of what had to be an awful nightmare. He couldn't hear all of it through the door, but it had been going on for some time now, and every now and then a single word – _Father! Zero… Trowa…_ - would pierce his ears and his heart. _Quatre is so gentle and compassionate that to hear him in such anguish is awful… I wish there was something I could do to help, but I'm sure I only remind him of the things he's upset about._

Lost in thought, Trowa hadn't noticed the silence until the door suddenly slid open to reveal a rumpled Quatre, who looked down immediately, entirely startled to find Trowa camped outside. He rubbed at one eye sleepily, tilting his head in concern. "Trowa? Is something wrong?"

Trowa jumped to his feet, somewhat embarrassed to have been caught hovering and shook his head. He desperately wanted to tell Quatre how he'd overheard his nightmare, wanted to take the smaller boy in his arms and reassure him, convince him let go of his guilt, but the words wouldn't come. "I…" he stumbled, cursing himself inwardly. "…thought you might be thirsty," he finished, holding out one of the bottles in his hand. It was an obvious lie and he was surprised when Quatre didn't call him on it.

"Thank you," the blond said softly, accepting the bottle in vague confusion, wondering how Trowa had known why he was leaving his room before he'd even left it. _Or is he trying to talk to me about something?_ "Did you need me for something?" he asked gently, leaning against the doorframe lightly.

_And there he is, looking out for me again even when I know he's hurting._ "No, I'm… I'm fine…" Trowa trailed off, waiting to see if Quatre would confide in him.

"Okay…" Quatre raised an eyebrow slightly as Trowa backed up another step. "See you in the morning, then…"

"Right," Trowa agreed with a nod. The door slid closed again and Trowa was left in the corridor, staring at the place where Quatre's face had just been.

* * *

_o/ I dare you to move  
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor  
I dare you to move  
Like today never happened  
Today never happened before /o_

Shortly before 0800 by the ship's clock found all five Gundam pilots, plus Noin, gathering in the hangar for final preparations. Quatre felt like he hadn't slept a wink as he climbed into Sandrock, debating with himself about trying to take the lead once they were out in space. _If Heero ends up fighting Zechs… will the others even listen to me?_ _What was Trowa really trying to ask me last night?_ Running the final system checks, Quatre was startled when another face appeared in the open doorway of the cockpit.

"Heero!" Quatre exclaimed in surprise, stopping in mid-motion.

"I've asked Howard to install the Zero System in this suit," Heero addressed him bluntly.

Quatre felt his heart skip a beat in shock. "But why?!"

Heero watched Quatre's reaction carefully before deciding to lay out the truth. "It's a good system for leading troops into battle. Try it out."

Horrified at the suggestion, Quatre's eyes went glassy with unshed tears as he ducked his head shamefully. "I can't, Heero! I can't do it. Not the Zero System!" He looked up again, but Heero's expression hadn't changed. "I can't handle the Zero System!" he tried again, memories flashing painfully through his mind at the mere thought, "I can't handle it! I don't have what it takes! You lead us with Wing Zero!" Quatre knew his response was verging on hysterical, but the moment he thought back on the damage the Zero System had caused, not just to all of them, but to innocent colony citizens, the sicker he felt.

"Wing Zero will be fighting Epyon," Heero responded quietly and seriously, hoping he'd made the right decision. It was far too late to change it, so he'd have to give Quatre a push in the right direction. _I'm just returning another favor._ "But someone has to lay out a plan if we're gonna survive."

"I know that," Quatre's voice wobbled.

"You take command," Heero paused, then added one final push. "This is the way you can pay back the people in space."

Quatre drew back, a bit shocked that Heero would have the audacity to just come out and call him on the destruction of the colony during a time in which he already felt weak. "Heero…"

Ducking out of the cockpit, Heero pushed away to head towards Wing Zero. "The code's ZERO. You have to input the letters to activate the Zero System."

"Mobile dolls from Libra approaching!" Howard's voice and face appeared on the monitor. "Everyone head out!"

Quatre sat frozen in place, watching as the other Gundams prepared to leave the hangar, his hands clammy and his throat dry. "But I… How will I…?"

_If I can't lead us, then we're all going to die._

* * *

**Up Next: Chapter 18 - Surrender**

* * *


	18. Ch 18 Surrender

**Author's Notes:** I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry!! I meant to have this chapter posted before we left LA, but it just didn't happen. H and I have been on the road for about a month now, never in one place for more than a few days at a time (x-country move, visiting both sets of parents, Otakon, Wildwood, NYC...) – at one point, I drove 19 hours straight! Seriously. -- The good news is that we're now settled into our new house in VT (still unpacking) with regular internet access again, so updates should resume in more timely intervals. I hope you'll all forgive me for the delay.

I am floored by the response to the last chapter and want to thank my reviewers:

**Snowdragonct****:** I'm so glad to hear from you again! I want to thank you because reading the updates of Witness Protection while on the road at various motels really kept my spirits up when I wasn't able to work on my own story. I think that Duo/Trowa's friendsip is often neglected in fanfiction, so I'm glad you and everyone else enjoyed the PBJ scene. I really spend time trying to place myself in each character's shoes so that their behaviors and reactions are realistic, even when they are painful or awkward as well.

**Roninlvr****:** Please don't feel badly, because I could never be mad! I know how busy life can get and I feel honored that my story can keep you company even if you don't have time to review every chapter. The weaving of the story will continue all the way through Endless Waltz and the final Preventer mission as detailed in Episode Zero, but it certainly won't end there. ;)

**Kaeru**** Shisho:** Okay, I admit it, you caught me! This next chapter is one of the chapters I conceived originally when I first started this story so many months ago. Teehee. And don't worry, Heero and Duo will probably never stop trying to one-up each other because that's part of what makes them so attracted to each other!

**Heeroduoyaoilover****:** Forgive me! I never meant to leave you hanging at such a place! I will try my best not to do it again!

**Misakaida****:** Your wish is my command! offers new chapter

**Irenthel****:** I'm flattered by your praise and happy to continue offering more treats because I'm nowhere near finished!

**Caedi****:** I admit that the amount of time involved in scripting and outlining is grueling, but I couldn't imagine writing this story any other way. You'll be seeing Quatre, at least, begin to catch on to Heero & Duo not in this chapter, but in the next. And, this may come as a surprise based on what you wrote, but I'm not planning to stop writing when I reach episode 49. This story will continue through the year between the series & Endless Waltz, through the 4 months between EW and the last Preventer mission and then on to true peacetime. I hope that news made your day. ;)

Only a few episodes left in the series… but don't worry, I think it's just starting to get tasty!

To everyone reading this story that's stuck by me – thankyouthankyouthankyou. I'll never be an uppity author that doesn't appreciate each and every last reader, because the more GW love out there, the brighter a place this world is. Wishing you all a blissful end of the summer.

* * *

**Chapter 18 – Surrender (Episode 44)**

Quatre sat frozen in place, watching as the other Gundams prepared to leave the hangar, his hands clammy and his throat dry. "But I… How will I…?"

_If I can't lead us, then we're all going to die._

The other four pilots had already departed and Quatre shook himself out of a panic long enough to follow them just as Heero's image appeared on his monitor. "Heero!" _Does he really expect me to do this?_

"Epyon's on the way," Heero responded briskly as Wing Zero pulled away from the rest of the group. "The rest is up to you."

"We'll take care of them!" Duo's image popped up to answer him with a grin before taking off in the opposite direction, oblivious to Quatre's dilemma.

Helpless as he watched his friends begin to repeat yesterday's mistakes, Sandrock sat motionless in space as Quatre begged them feebly. "Hang on! From a strategic point of view, Heero has to fight Epyon. We need our own strategy!" Altron and Heavy Arms came up alongside Sandrock, but a moment later, they had both shot off into space as well. "Wu Fei! Trowa!"

_I keep asking them to have a strategy, but who am I expecting to come up with one?_ Quatre winced as he watched Wu Fei take a hit that sent him spinning, and Trowa was a blur as he moved in and out, firing so rapidly that he was certain to run out of ammunition long before the fight had ended. "Wu Fei! Move back for now!"

"Why should he?!" Duo's voice came over the monitor as he raced to Wu Fei's defense. "I'll back him up!"

"Duo!" _No one's listening! Everyone's getting hit! We'll never last at this rate! _"We're not getting anywhere!" The lights flashed on the monitors so quickly that Quatre almost felt like his eyes couldn't keep up. It was hard enough to fight the dolls alone, but trying to account for the actions of the other Gundams as well? "We've gotta get in formation!" So caught up in watching the others, Quatre didn't see the doll headed towards him until it was too late. As he braced himself for impact, Noin's suit came into view, taking the hit for him, and he wondered why she was trying to protect him, as if he was their leader.

_But…maybe I am. _

_Maybe…I have to be._

_This isn't working. We're gonna get totaled!_

Quatre's hands were shaking as he reached to type in the letters.

**_Z_** and he was watching the resource satellite explode under fire, taking his father's life with it, he was screaming and helpless—

**_E_**and Vayeate was crackling electricity in space, Trowa's image flickering in and out on the screen, and it was his fault, he'd hurt him, Zero had, he had, he'd built it –

**_R_** and he was helpless again, watching as Zero possessed Trowa, begging, pleading _I couldn't bear losing him again – I won't lose him again!_

His friends, his dear, brave co-pilots – they were being surrounded, attacked – they would be obliterated unless he, unless he _I'm not helpless!_

**_O_**

Quatre took a deep breath as the Zero System engaged, the monitors flashing a bright, blinding gold, and let go.

"Wu Fei! Fly right through the enemy troops! The rest of us will direct fire to where Wu Fei was!"

"Quatre?!" Duo asked, his eyes widening as if he sensed that something in his friend's demeanor had changed.

As he scanned the battlefield, Wu Fei immediately recognized the superior strategic intelligence in Quatre's command and complied almost instantly.

Not giving anyone room to argue with him, Quatre gave the next command as they were all firing. "The enemy's divided into a number of units. Now's our chance to defeat those units one at a time! Trowa, attack the troops on the upper right! Then destroy the front unit, Duo and Wu Fei!" The other pilots verbally gave their confirmation and suddenly, with Quatre's direction, they were fighting as extensions of one entity.

_Heero__ was right. He… he knew they would all listen to me if I took command._ They were winning easily now, working together to eliminate the teams of dolls despite their shielding, but Quatre could feel the Zero System stretching him, creeping into his mind, playing games with his memories, his heart, whispering doubts and threatening to own him again._ No! Everyone's counting on me! _"I can't let the system control me. There's no choice now but the master it!"

_I will choose my vision for the future!_ As he continued to call out commands, Quatre saw that the patterns in the doll's movements had changed and wondered if he was starting to lose it. _How is this possible? _"The movements of these mobile dolls aren't just programmed! Someone's changing their tactics based on the actual battle." Every strike they made now was being countered, but still the other pilots were following his cues. He couldn't let his commands lead them into further peril. "I must predict them!" Falling back for a moment, he watched the monitors, ignoring the commands Zero urged him to make. "Someone's controlling these mobile dolls!" _I recognize this style… these moves… _

With a sudden epiphany, Quatre realized who was behind the controls on the other end – realized it in the same heartbeat that he realized that without his own wits, even the Zero System wouldn't be able to fight it. _It's only the best strategist I've ever met besides myself…_ "Dorothy Catalonia!"

"What did you say?" came Duo's voice over the monitor.

"Duo, take point, aim for the left set, above!" Quatre replied, knowing there was no time left for explanations. "Trowa, cover him when he goes in! Noin, help me cover Wu Fei – we'll go for the one below and break their line for good!"

As the commands finally broke through the wall of dolls, a flicker in the corner of the screen caught Quatre's eye and he gasped sharply.

"Quatre?!" Heavy Arms was suddenly right beside him, Trowa's concerned face in the monitor, and Quatre shook his head sharply, opening a line to the bridge of Peacemillion.

"Careful! They're going to try shooting down Peacemillion!"

"They're what?!" Howard bellowed as Sally yelled at him in the background to dodge.

"Everyone get out of here!" Quatre commanded, heading as far out of Libra's range as he could, with Trowa right beside him.

"Libra's firing their main weapon?!" Duo's eyes were wide and incredulous as he swung Deathscythe around, but sure enough, the light in the center of the cannon was on and the ship was approaching rapidly. There was nothing they could do to save Peacemillion.

* * *

Dorothy watched as Libra's cannon clipped the edge of Peacemillion while Quatre and the other Gundams escaped and knew that Zechs was going to very, very displeased. _It wasn't meant to happen this way… this wasn't how I planned it…_

* * *

"HOWARD!" Duo's voice seemed to echo down the corridors, his braid bouncing against his back as he sprinted towards Peacemillion's command center, his heart hammering in his chest. Skidding to a stop just inside the doorway, he took a sharp and relieved breath when the old man's head appeared from behind a heavily sparking console, a bundle of wires clenched in his hand.

"Duo!" Howard greeted him with the wave of his free hand, happy to see him but unable to hide the strain of the day's events in his face. "Everyone's docked except Heero, but he should be here soon."

"And the crew?"

"No casualties – just a few impact injuries that Sally's attending to as we speak."

"Good… that's really good." Duo collapsed into the nearest chair with a whoosh, hanging his head so that his bangs covered most of his face, just as Quatre appeared in the doorway behind him.

"Howard, how long do we have?"

"Once we're sure the ship's stable," Howard gestured to the sparking console in front of him, "We'll prioritize the Gundam repairs – but even that's going to take a minimum of 14 hours judging from initial damage reports. After that, if there's time, we'll start other ship repairs."

Quatre had already done some rough calculations of his own about the overall time table and nodded in agreement. _What I need to know is how the other side fared… was using the Zero System the right thing to do? In saving us, did I doom Peacemillion? _"Tell me, just how badly did Libra damage itself with that blast?"

At that question, Howard actually smiled a little. "Let me put it simply – they won't be going anywhere anytime soon."

"Asshole," Duo muttered under his breath, crossing his arms over his chest.

"It wasn't actually Zechs that gave the command to fire, Duo," Quatre said, reaching out to touch the braided pilot's shoulder lightly, a little surprised at his behavior. "And seeing as he called a for a retreat moments thereafter, I don't think we're in any immediate danger. With Treize's troops assembling on the satellite, he doesn't have any time left to dally with us. I really think that when the next battle comes, it will involve everyone…" He took a deep breath of resignation before admitting the truth out loud, surprised again when Duo flinched underneath his hand as he spoke. "And I think it will be the last."

"I agree with every bit of your reasoning, Quatre," Howard responded as he twisted some wires together and shoved them back underneath the console. "The Gundams will be ready in time, I promise--"

"But your crew!"

"Can handle one more sleepless night if we work in shifts," Howard defended. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate Quatre and Duo's concerns, but he wished that sometimes they'd have a little more consideration for themselves. "You pilots need to get some rest." He shook his head sharply when Quatre opened his mouth to argue. "And that's not a request - it's an order from the captain of this ship! I don't want to see any of you working on the Gundams all night long. Let us do our jobs so that you can do yours.""

Duo lifted his head at this remark, shrugging off Quatre's hand as he stood up and gave Howard a small smile. "Thanks, Howard. For everything, really."

When Duo turned and nearly ran from the room a moment later, Quatre nodded at Howard once more before following him. It was obvious that something was bothering Duo and he jogged down the corridor to catch the braided pilot before he turned the corner. "Duo! Hey, Duo!"

Duo sighed inwardly as he heard Quatre's voice behind him. _Even when you don't want to talk, Quatre just has this way of poking at the cracks until you can't help but spill everything out. And I just… I just can't right now._ Turning slowly, he greeted his friend with a small, but genuine smile. "Yeah, Quatre?"

_What do I say? If I ask if he's okay, he'll tell me he's fine, but I know that's not the truth. _"Thanks for… for following my lead," Quatre finally offered, cringing a little inwardly at how lame it sounded.

Raising an eyebrow, Duo crossed his arms over his chest and studied Quatre, not fooled at all. "Your commands… they made sense, felt right…really, you probably saved us all."

Quatre knew Duo was just diverting attention away from himself, but he was so smooth about it that Quatre felt it would be rude not to acknowledge his statement just so that he could press him for what was really wrong. It was just like their conversation while en route to Peacemillion – where he'd spilled his entire story to Duo, who had listened attentively, but never given much away himself. "Don't flatter me…"

A few minutes behind his friends, Trowa heard their voices and stopped to listen before he turned the corner. _I don't want to eavesdrop, but I don't want to interrupt them either._ Really, he had noticed quickly upon getting his memory back that Duo and Quatre had formed a close friendship and while he was trying not to feel bothered by it, for some reason he couldn't quite place, tiny trickles of jealousy kept rising up in him. Stuffing those feelings down, he strained to hear what they were saying only to realize that the conversation was nearly over.

"Don't flatter me – I just did what needed to be done."

"People should flatter you more, Quat," Duo's voice returned lightly, along with the sound of footsteps. "You'll always be the one that brought us all together. I'm going to get some rest, okay?"

There was a long pause before Quatre's voice, softer than before, responded. "Sure…"

Trowa leaned against the wall with a frown until Duo's footsteps had faded, knowing Quatre was just steps away from him, but didn't know he was here. _I should try and talk to him. _He'd wanted to talk to him the other night, but after being caught hovering outside Quatre's door, he'd completely blanked and bailed. _Did he want to talk to me that night too? Or was he leaving to go find Duo to talk to? Why does he reach out to Duo… and not to me?_

When the second set of footsteps started up, Trowa followed them at a distance, tailing the blond back towards the hangar where the Gundams were under repairs, determined not to lose his nerve this time.

_o__/ I see you in the crowd__  
A million people loud__  
You try to hide but  
Something make you call out /o_

* * *

Wing Zero hadn't sustained too much damage in the brief fight with Epyon, so upon returning to Peacemillion, Heero immediately started the repairs without bothering to wait for Howard's crew. It was an automatic decision, really, when looking at the upcoming battle. Wing Zero had to be in perfect condition to keep Epyon from attacking the other Gundams. _It's absolutely necessary…_ Heero thought to himself as he walked carefully down one of Zero's arms to replace several burned out circuits near the elbow. _I really don't believe that either side fighting is in the right, but the Gundams have to make sure that Libra doesn't destroy the Earth._

Thinking of Earth made Heero feel strongly melancholy and he found himself wishing he had been able to appreciate it more during the time he'd been there. Somewhere underneath his dedication to the mission, he did think he'd enjoyed the days he'd spent on Earth – at Sanc Kingdom, reading in the library, driving across the European countryside with Trowa… and especially the days he'd spent masquerading as a student with Duo. In some way he couldn't define, he felt that those days at the school - going to classes, touring the aquarium, playing basketball – had kept him from feeling like he was completely alone in this mess. Indeed, the strength of the bonds he'd grudgingly formed with the other pilots, the bonds that had kept him grounded through the internal wars with Zero, were all thanks to Duo. _Had he not wheedled his way in during that month, I don't know that I would have given them a chance. I don't know that I would have made the same decisions I made…_

Heero ground his teeth as he realized that he'd been sitting in front of the re-wired circuit board, staring at it vacantly for far too long. How had he even gotten back to thinking about Duo again? _The beginning, middle and end of all causes for distraction.__ All causes lead back to Duo._

"Hey, Heero! I think you must have missed the message!"

Heero glanced astride to see that Howard was standing ion the platform, waving at him. "What message is that, Howard?" Heero asked, wondering how long the old man had been standing there watching him space out, and mentally kicking himself for looking like an idiot.

"I told all the pilots that I don't want them working themselves to bare bones all night. I don't mean to be a babysitter, but Sally thinks you all need to get some rest."

Heero nodded thoughtfully, sliding carefully down Zero's arm and landing gracefully back on the platform beside Howard. "I agree with her assessment and have every intention of doing just that as soon as I finish up here."

Howard tilted his head down to look over the rims of his glasses and meet Heero's eyes. "You really don't have anything more important to do? No… unfinished business?"

Glancing away and crossing his arms over his chest, Heero hesitated noticeably before answering. "I don't mind leaving the body repairs to your crew, but I have a few more circuit boards to re-wire. I can't trust just anyone to re-wire them--"

"I'll handle it personally."

Heero's eyes widened a little and he turned his head sharply back towards Howard, but the old man had already reached to push his sunglasses back into place. "Howard, I--"

"Go on, get out of here," Howard shook his head, taking a step towards the console Heero had been running the damage reports on.

"…thank you," Heero finally mumbled with a nod of his head. He glanced up at Zero awkwardly for a moment and then turned to walk away. _Unfinished business…_ The phrase immediately brought to mind how Duo had fallen asleep on him the night before while he was probably mid-sentence. _Should I go find him?_

"Oh, and Heero!" Howard called after him, pausing until the pilot had glanced back over his shoulder with the questioning raise of one eyebrow. "It's a great night for star-gazing."

* * *

_o__/ I gotcha falling hard__  
You make me drop my guard__  
We try to fight it  
But something's written in the stars /o_

With his hands folded under his head and his legs crossed at the ankles, Duo lay on his back, trying to lose himself in the endless tapestry of stars that was outer space. It was far easier to get out onto Peacemillion's hull than the colony's and after artfully dodging Quatre, he'd decided that if he really wanted to be alone to think, this was the only place to go.

Or so he thought.

Duo hadn't gotten very far at all with the untangling of his feelings before Heero's head, enclosed in a spacesuit helmet just as his own head was, appeared in his line of sight, upside-down and rather bemused. "It's dangerous to sleep out here," he intoned in mock seriousness. "You could run out of oxygen...or fall off."

"I wasn't sleeping!" Duo retorted immediately, pulling his arms out from under his head and sitting up quickly as Heero took a seat beside him. "And I'm not that clumsy!"

Heero turned towards Duo and gave him a small, but sincere smile. "Then it must be the view."

Duo tried to think of something to say in response, but Heero had already fallen onto his back with no invite necessary, mirroring Duo's original stance, and after a moment, Duo joined him. _Why is he here? How did he find me?_ Duo's eyes flicked towards Heero, but he couldn't quite see his face from the angle they were laying at due to the curvature of the helmets. It seemed like a really strange thing – to be laying on the outside of the hull with Heero, staring silently at the stars – and yet Duo didn't feel pressured to defend or explain or even to talk. He'd always felt comfortable around the other pilot, even back during their first night at the school together, when they'd broken into the vending machines and... Duo's thoughts trailed off as he felt his cheeks get hot. _We were so honest that night – we both dropped our guards, as if there was no choice but to connect._ He wasn't sure how it had happened, but they'd both spilled what was in their hearts that night. He wanted to be able to do the same thing now and suddenly the words were tumbling out of his mouth as if he had no control over them at all.

"I guess we're supposed to think we're lucky, right – lucky that wasn't the last fight, right?" He chuckled bitterly, shaking his head from side to side. "But I don't feel lucky." _I feel… frustrated. sad. tired._ "It's that moment before everything moves forward – y'know, those moments where time seems to slow down until it almost stops, then all of the sudden it zooms the fuck up and you wonder how you got left in the dust? It's like we've been stuck fighting the same battle over and over and over – and I feel like we're gonna be stuck here forever and at the same time, I know that… I know that eventually time's gonna speed up again and there will be peace…"

"It's what everyone is hoping for."

_Is it worth dying for?_ Duo didn't voice this thought out loud, but he thought that maybe Heero could hear the echo anyway, for he picked up Duo's train of thought as if he had voiced the sentiment out loud. "But when you spend every day thinking it's your last, time doesn't seem to be the same constant it is for everyone else."

Duo nodded sharply in agreement. "I'll tell you this – looking back on the whole mess, I can't quite figure out how we started out fighting against Treize… and in the next few days, we're going to work WITH him to stop Zechs. Tell me how that happened!" As Heero started to turn towards him, Duo lifted his hand into the air and waved it dismissively, his voice gaining volume with every statement until he was shouting. "No, really, I don't wanna know! I don't wanna think about it anymore! This whole thing's such a goddamn convoluted mess! I just… I just want it to be over!"

There was a beat of silence following Duo's angry outburst before Heero spoke again, weighing his thoughts with every word. "I know you piloted Zero, Duo…" he started calmly, feeling strangely free to be all alone out in the void of space with the boy he couldn't seem to get out of his mind. "So I know the kinds of futures it must have shown you – and I know, I know better than anyone ever possibly could, how futile it all seems…"

Duo didn't respond, afraid that if he tried, his voice might give away the two tears streaking down his cheeks, but he moved his hands away from his head to curl into fists at his side. He absolutely hated to cry and this was the second time in as many days that he'd found himself trying to suck it all back inside.

"But ever since we met, Duo Maxwell, you've been this shining light in the darkness…" Heero couldn't believe he was saying these things out loud, _to_ Duo, but somehow, someway, with the literal wall of both spacesuits and silence between them, he felt braver than he ever had in expressing himself. "You've always been this obnoxiously loud voice demanding that we work together and be a team and now you're… you're running and hiding. And I know, it's what you say you do best – but I have to wonder, all the sudden, what are you so scared of? There's the obvious, but you can't be scared of dying if you're the God of Death – so what is it? Why are you out here, avoiding everyone…" _Avoiding me._

"I'm not scared of anything." Duo's words were short and clipped because Heero was so on the mark. _Go ahead__, ask me. _

"Then why run? Why hide?"

Duo swallowed hard, blinking up at the blurry points of light. "I've lost a lot of people, Heero…" he started, trying to keep his voice light so it wouldn't crack. "I've learned not to get too attached to anyone because I never know when I'll lose them… or when they'll lose me." The truth was that as friendly as Duo acted, he really didn't let himself get close to people. "You're right – I'm not afraid to die. But I don't want to hurt anyone when I do because I know how fucking awful it feels to sit here and think that even if I don't lose my life in this next fight, that someone else might!" _And that's the worst part… I want not to care, but I can't help myself._

"But you do care." _How can we come from such different places and feel so much the same?_ Something ached deep in Heero's gut and he pushed himself into a sitting position, turning to look down at Duo. "I've wanted to believe for so long that I didn't care what happened to anyone, even myself, as long as the mission objective was met." _You changed that._ He couldn't bring himself to say it, but he hoped that maybe Duo already knew. "Duo… you don't have to be afraid of hurting me. There's nothing wrong with acting on your emotions and living the moments you've got."

"Hah! Pot, kettle, Yuy," Duo chuckled softly. "Am I really getting lessons on following your heart from Mr. 'Leave Me Alone And Stay Out Of My Way'? From the same guy who blew himself up when Dr. J said he was surrendering? From the same guy that held a gun at my head before deciding to rescue me? So, none of that was a crazed obsession with the mission? That was all just following your heart?" Duo could hardly hold back the laughter threatening to tumble out, but Heero seemed to take his teasing good-naturedly.

"I never claimed to be perfect," Heero leaned over Duo, not quite able to keep the smirk off of his face. "Other people just labeled me that way."

Duo laughed even harder at this remark, lifting one hand to swat at Heero's arm lightly. "Not me."

"But I did rescue you."

"You did." Duo couldn't hear anything but the pounding of his own heartbeat in his ears as Heero leaned closer, reaching to place one gloved hand on Duo's shoulder.

"This is the part where I'd lean down and kiss you…" Heero started softly. "Only there's two helmets in the way – and you can't blame that one on me."

"Hmm… my loss, then?"

"Only if you're determined to stay in hiding."

"I think you might have swayed me."

_o__/ I just can't shake this feeling__  
It's just like a bullet and it's killing me  
Two hearts that need some healing  
You know what you do to me /o_

* * *

"It is possible that we could encounter him in the next battle," Wu Fei said seriously, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. "But is he honorable enough to fight on the front line? That is the true question."

Bending down, he picked up a wrench while casually glancing around the hangar. The men working on his Gundam knew better than to get in his way, but if Howard caught him down here for a third time, he was quite convinced the old man might order him bodily removed. _But I can't sleep at a time like this…not until Nataku is ready._ The last battle had ended prematurely due to Libra's attack on Peacemillion, but Wu Fei was actually glad for it. While Zechs obviously needed to be stripped of his power, he personally didn't think that Treize was any better. _Justice will see them both go down in flames…two birds, one stone… or one Gundam, as the case may be._

"This could very well be the last battle…" he mused thoughtfully, looking up at his mobile suit with a sad sort of affection. "But if these are to be my last hours, then I am grateful to have spent them with you, Nataku."

"Who are you talking to?"

Wu Fei spun quickly at the question, clenching the wrench tightly in his fist as he lifted his chin defiantly, only to realize it was Sally walking towards him. "No one," he replied simply, turning back to face his Gundam.

Sally stopped a few paces from where the Chinese boy stood, his posture rigid, and tilted her head in curiosity. "I would think you were talking to yourself, but you don't seem the type," she grinned even though he couldn't see it. Teasing Wu Fei had become a favorite pastime of hers, especially since it was obvious that he made no efforts to socialize with the other pilots or anyone else aboard Peacemillion. She liked to think she was slowly chipping away at the wall of stone he kept so firmly in place, but it was often hard to tell. "And I thought I heard you say Nataku." She paused as he flinched visibly. _Hit._ "It's a beautiful name, but I thought your Gundam was called Altron?"

Wu Fei knew that Sally meant well and cared sincerely for all of the pilots, but that didn't mean he had any intention of spilling his sordid past to anyone and he disliked being probed about it. "It's… complicated," he said stiffly.

"Someone you once knew?"

"You might say that."

"A lover?" She knew it was a bold question, especially addressed to someone so young, but she'd always been rather brash and honest. _Wouldn't be the first time my mouth has gotten me in trouble...and I might just be right. _Wu Fei dropped the wrench with a resounding clang and turned around to walk the three steps until they were less than a hand's reach apart. His eyes were blazing with a passion that Sally had previously only seen him display in battle and it only intrigued her further. _Hit again?_

"I'm sure that…" Wu Fei started, his words sounding choked and forced. "…you are a very kind woman… but do not pretend to understand me, my past, my actions or my feelings about anything. You can't possibly comprehend any of it."

Sally watched him walk swiftly away down the platform, not really offended by anything he had said. After all, she hadn't made any claims to understanding how he felt, but that didn't mean she didn't have enough empathy to sympathize. _But he's not the kind of boy… no, he's not the kind of man to want my sympathy._ It seemed that no matter how he acted, her admiration for him only grew. "But he certainly didn't deny my question, now, did he?"

* * *

_o__/ Stuck in another life__  
I swear I've known you twice__  
If this is destiny  
Time for us to roll the dice /o_

Quatre felt deflated as he watched Duo walk away, but what was he going to do? Chase his friend down the hall and beg to know what was wrong? That would only push Duo further away, and Quatre felt so distant from everyone else as it was. Sometimes he felt as if some part of his empathy was irreparably broken and he was just misreading everyone around him. _No, that can't be true or I would never have been able to see through Dorothy today._

With a heavy sigh, he started to walk, pausing momentarily at the door to the kitchen before shaking his head and heading towards the hangar. What he really wanted was an instrument to play, preferably a piano, but this was a battleship, not a conservatory. Music was one of Quatre's best methods for focusing when he felt out of sync with the universe around him… and he felt ill thinking that there was a high probability that he'd never again have the opportunity.

He made no effort to interrupt the crew at work on Sandrock, but climbed up into his cockpit, leaving the door open in case they needed his help with anything. Settling into the familiar seat, he brought up a special program, one that Rashid had secretly installed during the last set of repairs he'd done and Quatre had accidentally discovered not long after Trowa had gotten his memory back. _We haven't even shared those peanut butter sandwiches…_ Pressing several buttons, he sank back into the seat and closed his eyes as strains of Debussy's _Claire de Lune_ drifted hauntingly out of the speakers.

On the platform outside of Sandrock, Trowa could just barely hear the music over the sound of machinery, but it was enough to make his entire chest ache. He'd followed Quatre all the way here, hoping he'd come up with something to say to the blond, something that encompassed all the jumbled emotions he felt and thank yous he owed and promises he wanted to keep that he'd never even had the chance to make. _If I turn and walk away, I'm only going to regret it… and I don't want to have nothing but regrets when it's all over._ His mind made up, Trowa started the climb up to the cockpit with steely resolve in his eyes. "Quatre."

Quatre's eyes snapped open at the sound of his name so close and he was completely startled to see Trowa standing bent in the entrance to the cockpit. "Trowa…" he mumbled, his cheeks coloring slightly at having the focus of his thoughts walk in on his thinking. "I… do you… need me for something?"

_Everything._ Trowa stared at Quatre, trying to memorize the shape of his face, the color of his eyes, the fall of his hair – and then he started to speak, the words coming low and soft, first slow and then faster until it nearly all strung together. "I don't want to say 'let's start over' because… our beginning was poetic and not easily forgotten. But it's hard to just keep going when so much has changed. You've never been anything but compassionate towards me, Quatre… and I know I haven't always returned it in kind. But I meant to – believe me, I meant to – mean to!"

"Trowa, you don't have to…" Quatre started, his voice catching as he gazed at the taller boy in surprise, wondering where this sudden confession had come from.

"No, I _want_ to – I should have already told you these things. I should have told you how brave you were to build the Zero System, and even braver to pilot it. I should have told you that I forgave you the instant you struck me down, but that I didn't understand your grief until I almost did the same to you." Trowa paused to take a breath, reaching out to grab Quatre's hand and squeeze it hard when the blond lifted it in another attempt to contradict. "No, please… let me finish. I know you used the Zero System today – I don't know why, but I could tell. And you were amazing. I was blown away. But you don't have to feel guilty. Not about its existence, not about me. There's nothing to forgive, Quatre!"

To say that Quatre was shocked would be an understatement, for he was certain that he'd never heard Trowa say so much all at once. Even so, tears flooded his eyes as he listened to his friend talk because the words reverberated within him so strongly. _How could I not realize he felt so strongly? _"Trowa, I… I'm sorry if I've been holding you at a distance. I'm not even sure if it was guilt over what happened to you or simply a fear of myself and… and how I feel about everything."

"How you feel…" Trowa murmured, dropping to his hands and knees in front of Quatre's seat, like a large cat ready to pounce. "What about how I feel? You know… you aren't in this alone." With every word now, Trowa was drawing closer and Quatre's hands curled into the hem of his shirt anxiously even as he leaned in himself. "I said it once and I'll say it again – I'm with you."

Quatre's eyes drifted closed as Trowa's lips met his, the first kiss light as a feather, followed by a second, a third until Quatre finally leaned into Trowa and kissed him back. Their eyes snapped open, noses bumping as they both pulled away. Trowa's eyes were wide and his cheeks were red, as if he couldn't believe what he had just said and done, and a moment later, he had backed out of Sandrock, flipping down to the platform with ease. Quatre nearly tripped over his own feet in his hurry to get out of his chair, worried that he might have somehow offended the other boy, but when he looked out of his Gundam, Trowa gave him a small bow before turning and walking smoothly away down the platform, his hands shoved into his pockets and a visible bounce in his step.

"As if I didn't have enough to ponder on…" Quatre leaned back in his chair with a grin and wrapped his arms around himself, closing his eyes as the music descrescendoed into silence.

_o__/ Everybody needs somebody  
__Reaching out, so take it from me__  
Everybody take this from me  
Find the one surrender, give it away /o_

* * *

_o__/ Over me  
Something's coming over me  
There's no telling what will be  
But something's coming over me /o_

Duo Maxwell was convinced that he had it really bad.

Walking down the corridors, he let Heero take the lead, unashamedly watching the curve of the other boy's ass in the black spandex and turning over Heero's earlier words. _When he talked about acting on your emotions, was he really talking about me? _Duo was all too aware that the upcoming battle could spell their doom, but if he had to pick one place to spend his last hours, it would definitely be with Heero. _Preferably in his bed._

Duo bit his lip at that thought, stumbling a little and causing Heero to glance back at him with curiosity. "You okay there, Maxwell?" he teased lightly as they arrived at the door to his room.

"Just trippin' over my own feet, a little bogged down by that thing called gravity."

"Aren't we all…" Heero smirked in a way that made Duo's heart drop into his knees and then turned to open the door to the room, stepping inside and gesturing for Duo to follow him.

Stepping into the room, Duo pulled the end of his braid into his hand and stroked it nervously before pacing a small circle around the room. "So, this is it, eh? This could be our last night alive… sounds so melodramatic to say it that way, but wham-bam, there it is." He knew he was rambling, but he couldn't seem to stop himself, letting go of his braid to turn a chair around and sit on it backwards before curling his hands around the outside rungs on its back. "And I just want you to know that… that I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Maybe it was accidental, or, well, maybe not since I did follow you in the beginning, but after all we've been through, there's no one else I'd rather… live out these last hours with – y'know, if they turn out to be the last hours, which I don't really have any way of knowing…"

"Maxwell." Heero was standing on the opposite side of the room, watching as the other boy chattered himself into further levels of anxiety. _After coming on to me back at the school and having the balls to kiss me in public at the aquarium, now that we're alone, he's nervous? _ Heero had to purse his lips hard to keep himself from laughing at how adorable Duo was acting. He'd never seen the braided boy this flustered in all the time they'd known each other.

"Heh, sorry…" _When he gives me that look of exasperation, it only makes me want him more. What if that's not what he meant?_ "So, ah, when we last left off…" Duo blushed sharply, wondering if that was too forward of a statement to make. _I shouldn't be trying to remind him that he said he was going to kiss me._ "I mean, I'm not trying to suggest anything, suggest we do anything…"

_Is he ever going to let me get a word in?_ The more Duo jabbered and grabbed his braid to play with the end of it, the more Heero's eyes were drawn to those full lips until he just couldn't stand it anymore. Striding across the room, he reached to place a finger under Duo's chin, tilting his face up. "Duo!" Heero paused long enough to relish the cacophony of emotions in those startled indigo eyes before leaning in to kiss him softly.

Duo wound his arms around Heero's neck, leaning the chair forward on two legs as he kissed back, a slow groan escaping him as Heero's tongue traced along his lower lip demanding entrance. _I would rather live in agony of never knowing when we might lose each other… than live in regret for having been too afraid to surrender to this moment. _

Heero ran his tongue along Duo's lip, nipping once with his teeth as he wrapped his arms around the braided boy's back, dragging him up and over the back of the chair until it clattered to the floor. Duo wrapped his legs around Heero's waist, pulling their hips together with bone-jarring strength and nearly knocking them over. Even as they stumbled across the room in a jumble of arms and legs, Heero never stopped kissing Duo, plundering the other boy's mouth until he was light-headed. The back of his knees hit the bed and he sat down hard, finally breaking the kiss between them.

Now straddling Heero's lap, Duo wasted no time in grabbing the green tank top and yanking it over the other boy's head, tossing it aside before laying a line of kisses from one shoulder up the curve of Heero's neck. He didn't want this to be like the first time, when they'd been so overwhelmed by the moment, they'd hardly made it to the bed. He wanted to touch and taste all of Heero's skin this time and he sucked hard where Heero's pulse throbbed under his lips until he heard the sharp intake of breath that told him just how turned on Heero was. "I'd ask if you want me," he whispered into Heero's ear, rolling his hips forward again. "But I think the answer's pretty obvious."

Pushing Duo's shirt away from his shoulder, Heero met his eyes when he answered, to make sure Duo understood that there was not a hint of joking in his tone. "I do, and I intend to have you… if that's what you want as well." He let the fingers of one hand trail lightly down Duo's chest until he elicited a shiver. "Is it?"

_Those eyes, those blue eyes that are so unlike any other color I have ever seen…_ "Y-yes…" Duo finally whispered, and the words were barely out of his mouth before Heero was flipping him off his lap and sideways onto the bed. Duo rolled to a sitting position and watched as the other boy stood and, his eyes locked with Duo's, slowly kicked off his shoes, his socks and then his shorts, freeing his growing erection. The braided pilot felt his own cock twitch in response and he reached out a single finger to touch it gently, looking up at Heero as if to make sure it was okay.

Heero nodded, squeezing his eyes closed as the single finger became two, then a hand wrapping slowly around him. There had been more than once in recent months that he'd touched himself while thinking of Duo, but there was no comparison when faced with the real thing. He felt his knees buckle when Duo slid his hand down and leaned in to cover the tip with his mouth, sucking gently. "Duo…" he hissed, burying his hands in the thick base of Duo's braid as the other boy began to lick and tease him, grinning and flickering those mischievous eyes up to see his reaction. Heero knew his self-control wouldn't last, and the moment he felt it start to slip, he pushed Duo away gently until the other boy was on his back, climbing on top of him and going immediately for the zipper of his black pants.

Duo licked his lips and watched with half-lidded eyes as Heero slid the rest of his clothing off before climbing on top of him and catching his mouth in another intense and lingering kiss. For someone who had rarely been close to anyone in his life, it was sensory overload for Duo to feel their naked bodies entwined and he arched up into the hands that had begun to trace patterns over his body. Heero dragged a line of kisses that was more than half tongue down the center of Duo's bare chest, diverting for a moment to capture a nipple as one hand strayed south, fingers just barely brushing the curls of hair. "Heeero…" Duo whined, squirming a little in protest.

"Can't take it as well as you give it?" Heero teased as he lifted his head to meet Duo's eyes, pleased at the flush on the lovely face.

"Like hell I can't!" Duo nearly spit back at him. A moment later, he thought he might have to eat his words as Heero lowered himself down and took Duo's aching cock into his mouth, pumping it slowly with one hand as Duo moaned loudly. Having that mouth wrapped around him had been the source of many a fantasy, but Duo found that nothing he had imagined could have lived up to the reality of the sweet torture and he just wanted more.

Heero could tell that Duo had about as much self-control as he did, so he wasted no time, reaching into the drawer beside his bed for something he'd been carrying around for awhile now. Squirting some of the lube onto his fingers, he leaned up to drop a soft kiss on Duo's lips, telling him softly and somewhat hesitantly, "Let me know if I'm hurting you." Watching the reaction on Duo's face, Heero slid one finger in, pausing when the other boy flinched and exhaled sharply. No amount of research could have properly prepared him for this moment, but he was determined not to injure the other boy.

"Keep going," Duo grunted, lifting his hips to give Heero better access to slide that finger slowly in and out. When one finger became two, he couldn't help the sharp yelp that escaped him and he reached one hand up to cuff Heero on the ear. "I won't break! Keep going!"

Heero obliged him, scissoring his fingers as he moved them in and out, biting his lip until Duo's eyes suddenly rolled back into his head with a mewl that reminded him of a kitten. "Duo…?"

Duo was panting now and he reached with both hands to grab Heero's face, dragging him close for a kiss. "Please, Heero…" he gasped. "Before I climb on top of you and do it myself!" Falling back onto the pillow, his body arched again when he felt those fingers withdraw. _I want to burn it into my memory for as long as I live—_Duo felt Heero start to penetrate him and unable to stand it any longer, he thrust his hips upwards to meet him, ignoring the burning feeling until he found the point where the fire became pleasure.

Lifting one of Duo's legs over his shoulder, Heero started to move, searching intuitively until they found a rhythm. It was all he could do to keep himself from coming immediately upon being engulfed in Duo's heat, but he refused to let go until he was sure he'd brought the braided boy just as much pleasure.

Duo wrapped one hand around his own leaking cock, stroking in time with Heero's thrusts as they became faster and faster. _I'm close…_ Opening his eyes, he found himself caught in Heero's gaze once more, and that was enough to send him spiraling over the edge, bright spots of light in the black when he squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the heat that told him Heero was right with him. "Heero!" Heero collapsed on top of Duo, both boys panting breathlessly into each other's ears, and Duo reached to comb his fingers through the unruly dark hair of his lover while waiting for their heart rates to return to normal. _I could die tomorrow with no regrets… but I wish that tomorrow would never come._

_  
o__/ It's time to surrender__  
'cause I can't remember  
A love that was strong enough  
To not run away  
It's time to surrender  
I'm giving into you  
And you're giving into me  
So give it away yeah /o_


	19. Ch 19 Hands

**Author's Notes:** I do have a shred of hope that the sheer size of this montrous chapter makes up for the delay. With that much aside, the last month has been a bit rocky. I ended up almost accidentally acquiring a job the same week H's classes started, so trying to coordinate 2 schedules with 1 car was a bit of a nightmare. I also had to put together an entire classroom and curriculum in the space of 2 days... a week after school had already started. It's been... interesting.

This is nearly the end of the canon, but not at all the end of this story, so I hope you weren't planning on leaving me just yet.

**snowdragonct:** I'm most delighted by your invitation. I only live about an hour from Brattleboro as well, I think. The trees are starting to change and I'm looooving it! But I'm afraid I might have taken your permission for dropping off the face of Earth a little too literally. O:) I'm thrilled you thought the last chapter was worth the wait and I hope this one is too. teehee.

**Arayelle Lynn: **Welcome to the peanut box! I'm so happy you enjoyed Trowa & Quatre - I know this story is a little more focused on Heero & Duo, but there will be more T&Q in the near future!

**Kaeru Shisho:** Yes, I've been waiting to play with the surrender theme for so long and I'm glad you noticed. XD But even more than that, having you tell me that Heero & Duo feel real is the best - it's what I strive for, always.

**roninlvr: **hugs Thanks for the good wishes - the house is unpacked and I just did a little deocrating for Halloween! And don't worry, I love responding to comments. I always do it last, after the chapter is written - as a reward to myself for finishing, as a reminder of how much GW means to all of us and as an inspiration to keep going! And I'm glad you enjoyed the smut (I admit that it's not always the easiest thing for me to write!)

**Shadow 3013:** Hello and welcome! It's always fun to have new readers join in. I'm glad you like the story so far, and some day, if you read this far, you'll see these comments, think back to when you started, and know my appreciation.

Is this the beginning of the end... or the end of the beginning? ;)

* * *

**Chapter 19 – Hands (Episodes 45 – 47)**

_o/ If I could tell the world just one thing  
It would be that we're all OK /o_

It was truly amazing – the connection between dreams and the inner psyche. Even though he couldn't remember any of the specifics of what he'd dreamed about, Quatre had woken up feeling more rested than he had in longer than he could remember. In fact, after wandering back to his room in a daze last night, he'd climbed into bed still clothed and passed out almost immediately, the sounds from the room next door mingling with the memory of Trowa's lips against his as sleep claimed him.

_No nightmares._

And even though he knew it was probably completely inappropriate given their current circumstances, he couldn't help the secret little smile on his face as he made his way to the hangar, hands shoved uncharacteristically deep into his pockets. In those dreams he couldn't remember, he'd come to one deeply significant conclusion – the Zero System needed to go. _And not because I can't control it or because I feel guilty using it…_ _but if Dorothy is really acting as White Fang's primary strategist, then my own intuition is a better offense._

When the doors slid open, Quatre paused for a moment, his eyes scanning the room. He could see Duo working intently at a console in front of Deathscythe and Wing Zero's cockpit was open across the way, but there was no sign at all of Trowa where Heavy Arms stood silent, its repairs complete. Quatre hadn't even decided how he should act when he did come face to face with the other boy, but he supposed he would just respond instinctually and hope for the best.

Pushing off from the platform, he soared easily to Sandrock's cockpit, ducking quickly inside before shutting it behind him. Sitting in the familiar chair made the memories of the previous night even clearer and he found himself blushing a little, his hands fumbling as he worked to remove the program. _Should I go look for Trowa? Try to talk to him? I would worry that he thinks he offended me, but…well… I _did_ kiss him back._ He flipped the switch to open the cockpit again and was startled when Duo's face appeared a moment later.

"Quatre, what are you doing?"

Smiling to himself as he pulled the program box out, he stepped out of the cockpit to greet his friend. "Disengaging the Zero System." Seeing that Heero was now standing in his own cockpit watching the two of them, Quatre inclined his head slightly as he addressed the other boy. "I don't need it anymore. Don't worry, I can still fight without it."

Duo looked from Quatre to Heero, who said nothing as he turned to climb back inside Wing. "Heero," he called out teasingly. "You've got to be careful yourself." Duo waited until the other boy looked back over his shoulder before continuing with his veiled innuendo. "You can control it now, but that doesn't change the fact that it's a dangerous system."

Heero was quite aware that Duo was just playfully baiting him and decided he'd respond with a less obvious answer. "You're right."

Reaching to scratch the back of his head, Duo's eyes widened in surprise. "I can't believe he agreed!" _He must know I'm just messing with him._ Duo could tell that Quatre was giving him one of those probing looks, but he was saved from questioning by Howard shouting at them from below.

"Hey, you guys! I thought I told you to leave the repairs to the mechanics! Don't forget it's your duty as pilots to rest when you can!"

"We know!" Duo called down to him before turning back to Quatre. "I'm famished, let's grab something to eat."

"Sounds good," Quatre nodded, trying to keep his expression as innocent as possible. "Hey, Heero! Want to join us?" _Ah, Duo… don't think I didn't catch you twisting the end of your braid in your hands the moment I said his name._ Quatre continued to watch the other two as the boys made their way towards the kitchen, but despite what he thought he'd overheard as he was falling asleep, neither of them gave any outward indication of it. So caught up in observing his companions, it took Quatre a moment to register that Trowa was already in the lounge when they stepped through the door. "Er, uh… good morn-afternoon, T-trowa!"

"Hot damn!" Duo's eyes lit up the moment he saw the stacks of sandwiches on the table and he pushed past an awkward Quatre to skid to a stop beside the taller boy. "Did you make all this? Is it what I think it is?!" He let out a boisterous laugh and punched Trowa lightly in the arm as Heero and Quatre joined them.

Trowa smiled at his friends, letting his eyes linger on Quatre just a moment longer than necessary. "This plate has strawberry, this one's grape and the third one is, of course, with bananas." Catching Heero's raised eyebrow, he shrugged a little. "Sorry, Heero, I wasn't sure how you liked your peanut butter sandwiches."

"Just like Sister Helen used to make!" Duo exclaimed before cramming half of a sandwich into his mouth and plopping down into a chair.

Though it was obvious he had missed something between the other three boys, Heero's mind was preoccupied enough that he simply walked by them into the kitchen to get a drink, turning before he went through the door to add his input from over his shoulder. "I only eat peanut butter on apples."

"What about you, Wu Fei?" Quatre asked as he took a seat, dragging his gaze away from Trowa long enough to notice that the Chinese boy was standing silently against the wall at the other end of the table watching them.

"I don't know why you need to know my taste in food."

Duo laughed, spraying crumbs onto the table as he reached for a sandwich from the second plate. "Are you even serious when it comes to peanut butter? You need to lighten up, 'Fei."

Wu Fei hmped softly, but seeing that he now had the attention of the entire group, decided it would be far less painful to simply answer the question. "I don't like peanut butter. I find it annoying when it sticks to the roof of my mouth."

This statement was met with further laughter, but Trowa kept Duo from needling Wu Fei further by changing the topic as he sat down and reached for a sandwich himself. "Now that the Gundam repairs are complete, both Howard and Sally have forbid us from doing any work around the ship, but I can't stand to be idle. I found an old chess board in the kitchen cabinets and cleaned it off."

Quatre bit his lip and ducked his head for a moment, pretending to be absorbed in the crust of his sandwich. _Trowa's memory really must have returned if he remembers us playing… or is it just coincidence?_

"Chess? You know how to play chess, Trowa?" Duo reached for a sandwich from the third and final plate as Heero came back into the room and sat down beside him, setting several drinks down onto the table for the group.

"I don't remember where I learned it," Trowa admitted with another shrug. "But Quatre and I played once, back when we first met…" He trailed off and waited until the blond lifted his head and they met eyes. "I know it's not a piano or a violin, but I thought it might be… fun." _I know Quatre's been stressed out – hell, we've all been stressed out--_

"Awesome! So you'll teach me to play?"

Catching the hesitation on Trowa's face, Quatre cut in as he stood and started to pick up the dishes. "Go ahead, Trowa. Teach him the basics while I clean up and then we can all take turns."

"I'll help you," Heero offered, the first thing he'd said since returning. Picking up the rest of the plates, he followed Quatre into the kitchen, waiting until they were alone before questioning him. "Did the Zero System give you trouble?"

Having been expecting this after their earlier exchange in the hangar, Quatre set his plates in the sink and turned to lean against the counter. "Not at all. Dropping modesty, I can tell you that I'm fairly certain I've mastered it."

"Then why remove it?"

Quatre didn't answer for a moment, studying Heero's crossed arms and blank expression that gave away nothing of his feelings and wondered why their so-called "Perfect Soldier" had so much faith in him to lead. _I want to think that I don't deserve it, but after everything Trowa said to me last night… maybe I do._ "You were fighting Zechs, but did you catch on to what was going on with the mobile dolls during the last battle?"

"Only enough to see that they've been re-programmed yet again."

"Yes and no," Quatre shook his head sharply. "Their programming has been changed, yes, but they're also being re-programmed constantly during battle in response to our own battle formations--"

"How is that poss – no, wait – the only way it would be possible is if someone were monitoring the battle and re-programming manually."

"Exactly."

Heero frowned, even more bothered with this news. "Then you must know who."

"It's Dorothy Catalonia."

Now, Heero's eyes widened and his arms dropped to his sides. "You're certain?" He asked, needing no proof other than Quatre's affirmative nod. "I see… and you know her tactics personally due to the time we spent at Sanc…" Quatre's actions regarding the Zero System now made more sense, but Heero was troubled by how the upcoming battle was beginning to shape itself. "But why is Dorothy, a firm supporter of Romefeller and Treize, working alongside Zechs?"

"That is a mystery I don't have an answer to," Quatre lifted his hands in the universal gesture for "I don't know" and then motioned to the door. "But unless there's something else you wanted to talk about, maybe we should…"

"I'll be along in a moment…"

Quatre was worried about the distant look in Heero's eyes, but the other boy seemed to want to be alone, so he nodded and made his way back into the lounge where Trowa and Duo were now deeply engaged in a game of chess - though it was clear that Duo was losing badly.

"You can't move that piece to that spot."

"But why?! I just don't get the knight! Why would you give a piece such a strange amount of squares?! How am I supposed to remember that?!"

Trowa chuckled softly, glancing up as Heero returned and sat down beside Duo, a drink in his hand and a troubled expression on his face. "It's a game with a certain amount of art to it, Duo."

"Are you saying I have no art in me?!"

"Not at all…" Trowa moved his own knight, knowing it would throw off the set of moves he'd watched Duo trying to plan to capture his castle, and then glanced from Heero to Quatre, wondering why they'd been gone so long. "Quatre, when do you think Peacemillion will be mobile again? Are we planning an attack of our own or waiting it out?"

"The repairs to the engine are almost done…" Quatre replied, his mind also now far from chess and centered on the upcoming battle.

"Howard is quick about getting his work done," Duo agreed as he studied the board, befuddled by Trowa's latest move. "I'll make my move quickly too."

"I wonder if it'll make up for our delays," Trowa pondered as he moved another piece to protect the castle.

Duo studied the board, mumbling to himself as Quatre looked over his shoulder. "Now what move should I make?" As he hesitated his hand over the pieces, Wu Fei stepped away from the wall, reaching to move one of the white pawns, which earned him a rather surprised look from both Duo and Trowa.

"Excellent move," Trowa complimented him. Duo had been chasing the castle around the board for the past five moves, but with one pawn, Wu Fei had effectively destroyed his escape route – a move far beyond Duo's current level of play. _I shouldn't be surprised… Wu Fei has both the art and subtlety to be a chess master if he wanted. Maybe he is._

"Offense is the best defense," Wu Fei responded simply, quietly amused that he'd thrown them both off. "If you're only defensive, you limit your prospects."

"Thanks for the good tip." _Maybe there's hope for him after all._ Duo smiled at Wu Fei and then turned to his other side. "Heero, wanna play?" The question was met with silence, as Heero sat holding a drink, gazing absently at the wall, and Duo leaned back to look up at Quatre, wondering if he'd missed something when they'd gone to the kitchen to clean up.

"What's the matter, Heero?" Quatre asked him, wondering if he was still thinking about the Dorothy and Zechs. "Something bothering you?" But Heero didn't have the chance to answer the question before the ship's alarms started ringing, signaling an imminent attack.

Duo slapped a hand to his head with a groan. "They've beaten us to the punch!"

"Let's go!" Quatre said, holding back as the others ran out of the room to touch Heero's arm lightly. "Don't worry about Dorothy, Heero. I can handle her."

"I know you can," Heero shook his head slowly. "I'm just bothered – if Romefeller can't even be loyal to itself, who will the people follow once Zechs and Treize destroy each other?"

* * *

_What the fuck?! What the FUCK?! WHAT. THE. FUCK?!_

This was the sentiment repeating over and over in Duo's head as Deathsycthe raced towards Hilde's very damaged mobile suit, slashing and spinning, leaving nothing but destruction in its wake. _Why?! Why now?! Why is she here?! _ He couldn't help but feel responsible, even though he knew he had no control over her actions – she was impulsive and irrational by nature, and as determined to defy authority now as she'd once been to uphold it. She was a goddamn fucking pain in his motherfucking ass and… _And I'd never forgive myself if I let her die out here._

"Hilde! You all right?"

"Yeah, I think so…" her voice came weakly over his monitor.

"Stay back! I'll take care of these guys!"

"Duo, be careful!" she begged him.

The mobile suits following Hilde were not the standard Leo or Taurus and it took Duo a moment to properly counter their attacks. "What's going on? They're way too strong for mere mobile dolls!"

"Duo!" Hilde's voice crackled again as he narrowly evaded a direct hit. "They're programmed with data on you Gundam pilots."

"Are you sure?!" Evading without attacking, Duo watched the two suits with widening eyes. "H-Heero and Trowa?!" _I'd recognize those styles anywhere…_ "You've got to be kidding! So this is like fighting the two of them at once! They're pretty good copies!" _Time for the God of Death to live up to his name._ Duo's head lowered as he gazed darkly as the screen. "But they're still just dolls! A Gundam pilot won't lose to a buncha dolls! You've met your match!" Knowing that he was on his own in this battle, Duo let himself be absorbed in the fight, reading and counter-attacking the moves of his friends that he knew so well, grateful for the time they'd now spent working as a team. "Next time, try programming _my_ data," he muttered, closing his eyes for a moment as the power of the exploding suits rocked Deathscythe, before returning to Hilde's side.

"Hilde! Hey, Hilde! Come in! Hey! Hilde!" Duo called to her again and again before her face appeared on his monitor, blurred with the crackling from the damage on her end.

"D-Duo… I'm glad you're safe."

"Yeah, but you're in terrible shape!" He lectured her as he watched the progress of the other Gundams on his monitors. The rest of the dolls were nearly all destroyed and Heero was already on his way to assist – Duo had to keep Hilde conscious as long as he could. "What did you come all the way here for?!"

Hilde was obviously in pain, winching and clutching her arm as she dug to pull out the precious disc. "I brought you this data on Libra. I want you to use it."

Duo stared at her incredulously, anger rising up in him. _This needs to end. Zechs. Treize. This has to end… because I can't stand watching people get hurt anymore, civilians, soldiers, men, women or children… no one should have to live in this kind of chaos. No one should have to grow up the way I did or live the life I'm living. _Images of smoke and rubble, the smell of smoke and charred flesh… memories dizzied Duo's mind and he shook his head to clear it. "But…why… why'd you risk your life?"

"Because… I just… I wanted to."

Turning his face away, Duo bit his lip hard with a frustrated noise of disgust. "You stupid fool!" _Brave fool…_

Hilde chuckled softly, knowing that Duo would never believe her if she told him the truth – told him that he was her inspiration, her hero, the one she wanted to be like… "I figured you'd say something like that." _Oh Duo, I just… wanted you to look at me with admiration for once…_ "You can yell at me all you want, Duo… but I wouldn't go back and change a thing. I believe in you, just like Relena…and… and Heero… I met Relena on Libra and… now I know, I know I'm not the only one who believes in you guys and I… I don't care if you're pissed at me…"

"Yeah, well… it was a pretty damn reckless thing to do," he muttered, turning back to the monitor expecting to hear another retort, and alarmed when he was met with nothing but the crackling of the monitor as Hilde slumped over in her seat. "Hilde! Hilde, wake up!" The beep on his monitor told him that Heero was in range and he turned toward the image, momentarily speechless.

"Duo!" Heero took one look at the stricken expression on Duo's face and feared the worst.

"She's alive, but – Heero – we need to--"

"Calm down, Duo," Heero said sternly, watching as Duo reached to push his bangs out of his face with a shaking hand. "Let's get her back to Peacemillion so that Sally can help her."

Working together, Deathscythe and Wing Zero managed to tow the remnants of Hilde's mobile suit to the hangar. Duo had hardly set Deathscythe down before he was leaping out of the cockpit and racing towards the broken mess. Sally had a hospital bed waiting for them and she held it steady as Duo carried Hilde's unconscious body from the wreckage and laid her gently on it.

"She was talking to me, right up until the end…"

"They didn't hit any vital points on her suit, Duo… so I think she's going to be okay," Sally said gently. "But if you want to come with me…"

Duo nodded slowly as Quatre came to stand just behind him, silently offering his support. Heero was already leaning against a nearby window and Wu Fei and Trowa weren't far behind. "I… in a moment…" he finally mumbled, watching silently as Hilde was wheeled away.

"We can't let the data she brought us go to waste," Quatre said softly as he took a few steps towards Duo.

"Right…" Lowering his head, Duo closed his eyes for a moment before glancing over at Heero. "Heero…" Duo waited until Heero met his gaze, knowing that his best friend would want to know every piece of information about the situation. "Relena Peacecraft's on Libra."

"Relena?" Heero straightened in surprise, taking a step towards Duo as the braided boy held out the disc he'd taken from Hilde's limp hand a few minutes ago.

"Yeah… Hilde said she met her there."

"Relena…" Heero frowned as he accepted the disc and inclined his head towards the door through which Sally had just departed. "Go on. I'll take a look at the disc."

Heero's eyes stayed trained on Duo until the last swish of his braid disappeared through the door and then he turned to see that all of the other pilots were staring at him. For a moment, he wondered if any of them had figured out that there was something less than platonic between him and Duo, but then he decided he didn't give a shit what they thought as long as they stayed out of his business. "I'm going to analyze this disc. I'll let you know if there's any relevant information."

* * *

Inside Wing Zero, Heero inserted the disc and waited until it pulled up Libra's schematics, thinking about the events of the past few days. For so long, he'd been consumed by the war… first, his own guilt, later, the mission, and finally, his own moral compass… but in the past few days, he'd begun to think about life beyond the war. Not necessarily his own life – because he still had trouble seeing in, believing in, a life for himself beyond the next fight – but the life of Earth and the Colonies to follow. _There's no telling who will win or even how clearly defined the sides fighting are… I wonder if this is even a war between Earth and the Colonies… or the clashing of ideals between two obstinate men… and one girl caught in between._

"Relena…" Heero murmured, thinking of Duo's earlier words. If she was really on Libra, then she was in a ridiculous amount of danger. The only possible fates awaiting that colossal battleship were total destruction, or, if Zechs had his way, ramming it into the Earth – which would also result in total destruction. Treize's force was infinitely larger, despite the battleship, but on the small possibility that he lost to Zechs in battle, Libra still needed to be put permanently out of commission. What was the bigger threat - Zechs or his ship? _I can't be in two places at once… _

Heero growled to himself as he jumped down from Wing Zero's cockpit and stalked across the hangar looking for other bits of wreckage from the most recent fight. Sally had insisted on taking in survivors from the last manned assault that had damaged Peacemillion and the barely functioning ships might be just the thing he needed to covertly gain entrance to Libra. _It will take me several hours to repair any of these shuttles enough to fly them, and then I need to make sure that Zero is in perfect condition._

"Heero? I thought Howard forbid all of you--"

"You didn't see me in here." Heero turned from the open panel of jumbled wires that he was untangling to glance over his shoulder as Noin came walking across the hangar. _Nosy Noin… I know you mean well, but…_

"What are you doing?"

"It's better if you don't know," he replied, turning away and hoping she would just let it go. There was a long moment of silence as he resumed twisting and turning the bundle of wires and then she spoke again.

"I heard from Quatre… about Relena…" She trailed off, watching him work and wondering if he was already planning something close to what she wanted to ask of him. "Listen, Heero… I'm finished with trying to defend Zechs. I know that nothing he or Treize is doing is right – but Relena doesn't deserve to be punished for that."

"Hand me the pliers from that box of tools – the one with the blue handle."

Seeing that he hadn't ordered her to leave, Noin reached down to grab them and placed them in his outstretched hand before leaning against the side of the shuttle, eyes focused on some distant point. "Maybe total pacifism is only an idealist's view, but I've been thinking… if this battle doesn't destroy the Earth and everyone on it…"

"Now a connector, the one with three prongs."

"The people… they won't know who to trust after this – they won't trust OZ, Romefeller, White Fang, no matter who wins…and I worry…" Noin paused as she handed him the tiny part, but Heero didn't acknowledge anything she'd said. She knew she didn't need to elaborate – someone as intelligent as Heero would understand completely the political chaos, the economic crash, the widespread paranoia and mistrust. _It's the same as the old fables – as soon as the villain is defeated, the allies all turn on each other, unless there's someone to lead them, someone they believe in, someone like Relena, who's already been a positive figure in the eyes of the public._

Heero was all too aware of what she was heavily implying, but that didn't mean he was going to stand here and promise to bring Relena back alive. Heero didn't make promises he couldn't keep – he rarely made them at all – even if the thing she wanted him to promise was part of what he was aiming for in the first place. "Worry is wasteful and useless," he finally told Noin, brushing his hands off on his shorts. "If we panic about tomorrow, then we're not paying enough attention to today. And I have a hell of a lot that needs to be finished today."

Noin couldn't help but crack a smile at Heero's frank honesty and even though she wondered at his single-minded dedication to restoring peace, she didn't dare ask him where it came from. She'd made up her mind a long time ago to put her faith in the Gundam pilots and that faith had not failed her yet. "I'll leave you to it," she said softly, taking a few steps away. "But don't wear yourself out completely – we'll definitely still need you tomorrow."

Heero raised an eyebrow as she turned to walk away, hesitating a moment before calling out to her. "I'll try to remember."

_o/ And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful  
And useless in times like these /o_

* * *

_o/ I won't be made useless  
I won't be idle with despair /o_

"So, uh… " Duo started lamely. "Sally claims that you're going to be fine, once you wake up…" He paused, glancing at Hilde's serene face before returning his gaze to the handle of a cabinet on the far side of the room. "She said it would help if I… if I talked to you. But… I don't know what to talk about…"

_This feels really strange…_

Leaning forward in his chair, he waved one hand in front of Hilde's closed eyes, but she didn't respond. The heart monitor beeped relentlessly, like the metronome that the church choir had practiced to, and the sound alternately made Duo sleepy or jarred him out of his thoughts. Sliding one hand across the stiff white sheets, he slowly curled his fingers around Hilde's hand and squeezed.

_Still nothing._

"I…" Duo started again, his voice cracking on the single syllable. "I feel like if I started talking, I might not stop. I feel like… if I started thinking, feeling, anything beyond the very moment I'm living in… that it would all fall apart. Heh heh… I know, I know, I'm being melodramatic again. I tried not to be, for you… tried to be cheerful and upbeat… tried to pretend like nothing was wrong, like everything would be okay… even though I knew that you knew I was full of shit. But it was good, pretending… it gave me some time to think. So… so thank you for that, for letting me stay with you."

Letting go of Hilde's hand for a moment, Duo wiped his sweaty palm on the leg of his flight suit before standing up and walking around the bed to peer out of the single tiny window. From the angle the ship was at, he couldn't see anything but stars. "Do you know what I realized today, Hilde? When I was out there trying to keep us from getting killed? I realized that I've changed. I know, that probably doesn't mean much to you, because we haven't known each other that long, known each other that well… you wouldn't even know, looking at me, that I've changed. So I guess what I mean is… I suddenly… I suddenly realized that I'm not the same kid I was when this whole mess started, but I don't know when I changed. I'm a different me than yesterday, a different me than I'll be tomorrow, if I live that long. Maybe I've been changing every single day, so gradually that I didn't even notice it until I stopped to look back." Duo paused again, reaching with one hand to splay his fingers on the glass of the window, icy cold underneath his equally cold fingertips.

"I hate looking back. I've always been an eyes to the future kind of guy… maybe that's why you and I got on so well, working at the scrap yard. I could tell that you didn't want to look back either – but if we never look back, never appreciate all the things that shaped us… oh hell, what do I know? Sometimes I don't think I know anything at all."

_That's an excuse…_

"I realized that… that I don't want to do this anymore. Even though OZ destroyed Maxwell Church, even though they took away everything that was important to me… it's so convoluted now that… I'm fighting on the same side as Treize." Duo chuckled bitterly at that, snatching his hand away from the window as if space had leaked through the glass to burn it. "There are other things that are important to me now… other things I'm fighting for besides revenge… other things that I… that I want to live for now. Other people…"

The beeping on the monitor quickened for a moment and Duo whirled around to look at Hilde, but she was still sleeping in the same position and he wondered if he had only imagined it. _I've wondered a few times today if I only imagined last night too…_ Smiling a little at the memory, Duo came around the bed, returning to his chair and reaching out for Hilde's hand again. It was getting easier and easier to talk, easier to let his guard down when he didn't think anyone could hear him. "Sometimes I dream about living on Earth… but I never had much of a childhood, growing up on the streets, so it's kinda hard to imagine. But I like to think about laying on a grassy hill, watching the clouds, the sun beating down… it's unreal, Hilde, the sunshine on Earth – daybreak, twilight, sunset. I think maybe the only thing better is the ocean – it just seems to go on forever. When Heero and I were hiding out at that school, all I ever wanted to do was skip class and go stand on the overlook, watch the waves crashing onto the shore…but Heero he kept telling me that missing class and getting detention would be blowing our cover."

Duo laughed softly and leaned forward, pillowing his head on his arm and closing his eyes. "Those were some of the best days of my life… and I hate thinking that… that maybe I'll never have another one like them, another day of sunshine and laughter and not feeling lonely all the time…"

"You will…"

Duo's head shot up and he scooted back in his chair so quickly that he almost fell out of it. "H-Hilde! You're awake!" He paused, his cheeks flushing sharply as she smiled weakly. "How long have you…"

"Long enough…" she whispered, a hint of wistfulness in her voice. "Thanks…not just for saving my ass, but for not letting me wake up alone."

Duo was still a bit stricken at the thought that she had overheard any of what he had rambled about, but he nodded awkwardly. "Well, it's not like I don't care…"

"I know…" she reached a hand up to shakily brush her hair out of her eyes. "How long have I been out?"

"Since you passed out on me still inside your suit?" he teased with a wry smile, loosening up a little. _If she's not going to needle me about anything I said…_ "Close to 9 hours now."

"And you've been here the whole time?" Hilde's eyes filled with tears and she blinked rapidly, turning her face away. "You are a good friend, Duo Maxwell…" she murmured softly. "But I know the job you have to do still, so you better get your ass out of here and get some rest."

"Hmph. Still feisty even after a near death experience?"

"Oooo-ouch," Hilde chuckled, wincing a little. "Don't make me laugh! And I wasn't gonna die on you. Go on, go put my foolishness to good use…"

Duo smiled, rising from his chair and looking down at her warmly. "I'd be a hypocrite if I scolded you for being reckless." He leaned down to kiss her forehead lightly and then turned to leave, pausing only when she said his name.

"Duo?"

"Hilde?" He looked back, one foot out the door, and tilted his head in concern.

"I'm sorry for what I said about you and White Fang… and I want you to know that… you're already a hero in my eyes."

The self-proclaimed God of Death froze for a moment, having not expected that comment at all, and then his face broke into a huge grin. "I won't let you down."

After leaving Hilde, Duo wandered the corridors of Peacemillion and thought about the things he'd admitted when he thought no one was listening. It was entirely true that some of the best days of his life had been spent at the school sharing a dorm with Heero, going to classes with Heero, eating lunch with Heero… Waking up in the same room or even the same bed as Heero wasn't that strange of an experience after their time at the school, so he hadn't even thought about it too hard when he'd woken up this morning. They'd simply gotten dressed and made their way to the hangar with the knowledge that there was work to be done.

_Okay, so maybe we didn't exactly jump out of bed immediately… maybe there was some kissing involved…_ It had all felt so completely natural, a second-skin, that it was only after his commentary to Hilde that he felt himself wondering how long such a thing could last in his cursed life. Even if they didn't die tomorrow, even if they lived through the war… there was absolutely nothing concrete holding Heero to him. There was no reason to think that they'd continue on this way once there was peace… or was there? Of course, he'd always thought of Heero as a partner, a friend and confidant, a best friend, a lover, even… but had Duo ever told him anything of the sort? He didn't even know how to begin a conversation about such a topic – as comfortable as they were together, the idea of trying to _talk_ about it –

"Security activated. Please identify yourself."

Duo stopped short at the door to Heero's room and gaped in confusion. Had Heero locked him out? _I didn't even think these doors had security, but then… they do have locks… Heero's just usually awake when I've come in, or we've come in together…_ "Uh…" he started, staring at the door and reaching up nervously to scratch the back of his braid with one hand.

"I'm sorry, but I don't recognize 'Uh'. Please state your name."

"Duo Maxwell," he blurted out reflexively, stepping back a bit when the door suddenly slid open.

"Access granted."

The light from the corridor behind him spilled into the darkened room, and for a moment, Duo couldn't see anything at all. Walking inside, the door hissed closed behind him and he gave his eyes a moment to adjust as he started to strip out of his flight suit. If Heero was asleep, Duo certainly didn't want to wake him, so he crept towards the bed at a snail's pace, old silent-but-deadly thievery skills engaging. It wasn't until he was standing at the edge of the bed that he could make out the shape of his lover, flat on his back, shirtless and eyes closed, breathing even. His own breath caught in his throat and for a long time, he simply stood and watched the other boy sleep.

_He set the security to let me in… no matter the hour._

Inch by inch, Duo crawled slowly into the bed, sliding underneath the blanket until he could feel the warmth of Heero's bare skin creeping into his own. The moment he laid his head on Heero's shoulder, the other boy's arm came up around his shoulders, pulling him in tight, and Duo's heart constricted. The braided boy was almost certain he could put a name to this feeling, but he was too fucking terrified to even try.

* * *

It was 4 AM by the ship's chronometer and instead of the cold glow of stars through the viewport, Heero tried to imagine the way real pre-dawn light would look creeping in the window to highlight Duo's sleeping face. His chestnut hair was still braided, but horribly messy, and he was rolled towards the center of the bed, sheets tangled around his legs, his hands gently outstretched into the empty, slightly warm space where Heero had slept until only a few minutes ago.

The fact that he had been standing here staring at Duo for almost 7 minutes now felt distinctly uncomfortable to him. Everything was ready for his departure – he'd seen to that before falling into an uneasy slumber last night. _Why? Why was it uneasy? Because he wasn't here?_ And still, he hadn't budged from this spot, hadn't so much as moved a muscle, even though he was now more than 8 minutes behind his mentally scheduled plan.

_Why? Why is it that he's always at fault for the change in my plans? _

Slowly, softly, Heero set one knee onto the bed, leaning forward to brush a lock of hair from Duo's face.

_Why is it so hard to leave? _

Yes, he'd felt bad leaving Duo behind on the colony when he'd gone to the Lunar Base. But it was the mission. It was what needed to be done. Despite the fact that he'd delayed it long enough to rescue Duo first. And now here he was, delaying again – 11 minutes now - and perhaps with the stakes even higher than ever before. Pulling his hand back suddenly, Heero moved off of the bed and backed up step by step until he'd backed himself straight out of the room. Breathing a heavy sigh, he leaned against the wall for a moment to admonish himself.

_It wasn't so long ago that Duo vowed to never let what's between us get in the way of the mission…_

Heero could hardly begin to admit to himself that perhaps he was the one who ought to have been promising it. The thought left him unsettled as he walked to the hangar and readied his shuttle for take-off.

_o/ I'll gather myself around my faith  
For light does the darkness most fear /o_

* * *

"A war with no civility only gives rise to massacres... that's why past wars on Earth were so tragic."

* * *

Duo generally always knew when he was dreaming and this time was no exception.

Dreams tended to seem like watercolor paintings, blurred at the edges, and in this one, he was standing in an alcove, an arch – a funny, flowery smell – and the sound of gunshots –

Duo woke with a start, reaching out automatically only to find himself grasping air.

"Heero?" he whispered, then again, a little louder. "Heero?" Stumbling over his feet, which were twisted up in the sheets, Duo climbed out of bed to reach for the light switch. He flipped it on, only to confirm that he was alone in the room. A note of panic rising in his chest, he unraveled the sheets and reached for his clothes, pulling them on quickly as he glanced in the mirror. His hair looked like a bird's nest, but it would have to wait.

In the lounge, Quatre was sitting on a chair beside the long red couch, a drink in his hand as he listened to Trowa read out the latest specs on Treize's growing fleet of mobile suits and ships. He felt Duo's presence a heartbeat before the doors slid open and yet was still surprised at the depth of the flustered look on his friend's face.

Duo was about ready to burst, but seeing the curious look on Quatre's face, he reeled himself in, muttering loudly. "Man, where in the world has Heero gone?"

"Out on the virgo carrier we recovered," Trowa answered simply, glancing up from the report. "You know where he's headed."

Bringing his left hand up to his head in an exasperated gesture, Duo walked towards them until he was standing just behind Quatre's chair. "But how come he left Wing Zero behind? Is he gonna have a fist fight with Zechs?" _He could have at least woken me up to say goodbye…_ But then, Duo knew very well that Heero hated goodbyes almost as much as he did and that it wouldn't have been a goodbye because he would've insisted on tagging along. _Is it possible Heero just knows me that well by now?_

Perplexed by Duo's anxiety over Heero, Wu Fei walked in from the dining area, still counting reps in his head for the arm strengthening exercises he was working on. "Knowing him, he'll fight any way he can."

Quatre was more amused by Duo's agitation than he felt he should be, but it was the first true sign he'd seen of the deeper connection between them that he was certain was there. He smiled a little, goading his friend to see if he'd actually spill the truth to them. "I'm pretty sure that's not the only reason he went."

"Wait a minute," Duo started, the pitch of his voice rising a little as he gripped the back of Quatre's chair with knuckle-whitening strength. "You mean he went there to save that gal?"

"Yes," Quatre responded, biting the inside of his cheek and hoping his smile would hold back his amusement.

"In that case, I was giving him too much credit," Wu Fei shook his head with a sigh. "I had him figured as the sanest guy among us."

Trowa had watched the entire exchange with interest, nothing both Duo's anxiety and Quatre's barely concealed humor and wondered if he was missing something. It had been very clear to him, since the time he and Heero had road-tripped across Europe seeking out extended members of the Noventa family, that Heero had no interest in Relena, at least, on a sexual level. He'd spoken about her briefly and Trowa knew they'd become at least nominal friends while Heero and Quatre stayed at Sanc, but it was only her position in the web of political chaos that gave her any importance in Heero's eyes. _Not that such a thing has any relevance on how sane he is. _"Not quite," Trowa answered Wu Fei with a shrug. "But it just goes to show how powerful that girl is to be able to influence a guy like Heero."

"Hmph," Wu Fei muttered. To him, women were nothing but trouble, especially women who were not only weak, but purposefully put themselves in harm's way.

Lowering the report, Trowa turned to look at Wu Fei, his eyes narrowing slightly. "Wu Fei, if Heero does bring Relena back, at least welcome her here. It's easy to hurt a woman's feelings." Wu Fei didn't respond verbally, but his expression became even more disgruntled.

Duo hadn't paid a word of attention to their exchange, sitting down next to Quatre and leaning in conspiratorially. "Hey, Quatre… if we're going after him, shouldn't we hurry?"

Blinking in surprise, Quatre turned to look at Duo. "This isn't the time to decrease Peacemillion's defense…" Catching the disappointed exhale, he leaned in a little too, lowering his voice. "Besides, let's leave the two of them alone."

_What in the hell is that supposed to mean? Why is this girl so important anyway? _Duo's eyes widened in something close to horror and he jumped up immediately, glancing quickly to see that everyone's eyes were on him. "You guys really trust Heero?" he started, realizing immediately how defensive he sounded. "He makes mistakes too, you know," he added lamely. There was dead silence from the three other pilots, and both embarrassed and annoyed, Duo turned and stalked out of the room.

"Oops…" Quatre murmured as he watched his friend go and both Trowa and Wu Fei turned to regard him in surprise, having missed part of their exchange. "Let me go talk to him…" he mumbled, setting down his drink as he jumped up to chase after the braided pilot. Duo hadn't gone far at all, but when he heard the door slide open again, he turned and started to walk away. "Duo!"

Trying to compose his conflicted feelings, Duo turned slowly, jamming his hands into his pockets. "Quatre?" he tried to sound amiable, but it came out cooler than he'd intended.

Taking a few steps closer, Quatre nodded ahead of them, thinking it was better to be out of earshot of their friends. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have goaded you like that – I was just curious."

"I don't know what that was about," Duo muttered, his eyes focused on the floor as they walked side by side down the corridor. "And I don't know what you're talking about – I just wanted to know where Heero was and… and now I do."

Quatre couldn't hold back the smile and he reached out to grab Duo's wrist, stopping the other boy mid-step. "You don't need to blow me off, Duo, remember? I know you don't lie, but I can tell when you're not sharing the whole truth."

Duo's cheeks flushed a little and he lifted his head to eye Quatre suspiciously. "About what?"

"Duooo…" Quatre intoned, unable to help either the eye roll or the smirk. "The other night. You and Heero. I, well… overheard some things, through the wall…" The pink spots on Duo's cheeks grew until his entire face was flaming and he gaped at Quatre, unsure of what to say. "I didn't mean to worry you – I don't think there's anything going on between Heero and Relena, honestly. And I don't think there's anything wrong with what's going on between you and Heero, whatever it may be, not that you need my approval or anything. Just, if you… if you needed to talk to someone." Quatre trailed off, starting to share in some of the awkwardness radiating off of Duo. _I just want us to be able to talk openly again, the way we did in Africa…_

"Ah, right…" Duo tugged his hand free of Quatre's grip and shoved them both back into his pockets, scuffing the toe of his boot along the floor. _So he's finally got his head out of his ass about the whole debacle with Trowa and Wing Zero?_ "I was just… surprised that he was already gone when I woke up. But, it's not like… not like either of us tells the other what to do or anything." _Even though I sound ridiculous, why does it feel so easy to tell it to Quatre?_ "I guess you could say we're close…" he smiled enigmatically and shrugged a little. "But it's not really common knowledge?"

"I won't say anything to anyone, I promise," Quatre nodded, a little more serious now. Duo hadn't exactly confirmed what Quatre had over-heard, but Quatre hoped his friend knew the offer of an ear or a shoulder was always open. _Maybe if I open up to him first… but isn't that what I tried to do, when we first met up again? _ Quatre tried to recall how that conversation had gone, but he'd still been so wound up after reuniting with an amnesiac Trowa that the memories were blurry. _How much did I even try to ask what Duo had been doing? Or did I simply chew his ear off…and only ask once I was done spilling my soul?_ He glanced at Duo again, but the braided boy's eyes were unfocused and his expression very neutral, giving away little.

"I'm not angry at you," Duo said suddenly, stopping to face Quatre with one quirked eyebrow as he realized the other pilot was studying him intently again. "If you're worried about me, or about our friendship," he shook his head. "Don't be. I just… I know you have a lot of burdens and I don't want to add to them."

"You are no burden to me, Duo!" Quatre exclaimed in surprise, reaching out a hand to touch the other boy's shoulder. "But I admit that you hit that nail on the head and… and I've tried so hard not to be a burden to _anyone_ that my very efforts became a burden, didn't they?"

A much easier smile crept onto Duo's face as he lifted one hand to Quatre's shoulder in a mirror of the blond's gesture. "You are no burden to me, Quatre!"

With Quatre meeting Duo's grin, the two boys laughed a little at the similarity in their dramatic and emotional natures.

"I think we're both aware that Heero's always gone off on his own when there was something he needed to do," Quatre started thoughtfully, pausing as they reached the entrance to the hangar. Wing Zero stood silently among the other Gundams - waiting, as they all were – for the battle to begin. The awkwardness between them seemed suddenly dissipated.

"I sense a but…" Duo folded his arms against the top of the railing and gazed at the room of mobile suits.

"He's never failed to return, either."

* * *

_o/ We will fight, not out of spite  
For someone must stand up for what's right  
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice  
There ours shall go singing /o_

Heero was already starting to wonder if he'd made the right decision in taking Relena with him. Even more than the other pilots, having a civilian with him at a time like this was an intense liability – especially a civilian who seemed to have an opinion about everything. _Not to mention, she doesn't know how to keep her mouth shut…_ He was only partially listening to what she was saying as he plugged Hilde's disc into the computer and started typing.

"What are you doing?" Relena glanced first at the screen, then at Heero.

"Her name was Hilde – she brought this data to Libra. It's coming in handy…" Libra was intensely large, but there were really only a few logical places that Zechs would be at a time like this. "He's not on the bridge now."

"You're looking for my brother?"

Heero resisted the urge to roll his eyes. _What does she think I'm here for? A tea party?_ _We're in the middle of a war and yet she still thinks she can stop this with kind words... _"There are only a few places he could be."

Relena smiled for a moment as she watched him, but her expression grew sad as she turned to lean against the console. _He just has no idea how much his character affects everyone around him – inspires them to be better than they are._ "Heero, you really are amazing…"

Flinching slightly, Heero didn't look away from the screen as he continued to search. "Look who's talking…" he murmured, thinking of how he'd decided to come and rescue her before Noin had even implied the idea to him. _I wouldn't have risked it for any ordinary civilian, though… so why did it feel like the right thing to do?_

"Nonsense. You've given me the hope and strength to live." Her eyes shifted to outline the profile of his face, admiration swelling up in her. "I'm sure you make others feel the same."

_She says things, unexpected things, and they dig into you. Why is that? Is this part of the power she holds in this whole mess?_ _Could she really change Zech's mind? She claims that I am the one affecting her, but I begin to wonder if the same isn't true in reverse. _Heero paused in his typing as a location finally connected and glanced up at her. "Don't make me repeat myself. I'm nothing compared to you." Standing up, he broke their eye contact and moved towards the door. _When this is all over, when it fades into the history books… I'll be another nameless crusader and she'll be the Once was Queen of the World._

"I just…" she started, reaching one hand after him, sensing the turbulent emotions but having no idea how to get him to open up to her.

"Come on. I found Zechs."

"Heero, I don't know why you think so little of yourself!" she exclaimed as the door slid open and she followed him back into the hallway. "You've saved my life more than once already, and even if you hadn't done that, I--"

Before she could even finish the statement, Heero had her pinned up against the wall with one arm and he shook his head slowly. "Ssh…"

Relena nodded, her cheeks coloring pink, and Heero released her. _It's no wonder he acts like I'm annoying… I don't even think to be quiet when we're sneaking around a ship full of people who want him dead._

With his gun now drawn, Heero led them quietly through several corridors, but it seemed that a large majority of Libra's crew was preparing for battle and were not anywhere near this area of the ship. It seemed awfully suspicious to Heero as he punched the code into the computer to open the door to where the maps had insisted Zechs currently was. _Why would Zechs be here right now?_ The tiny darkened hallway gave way into a much larger room and he blinked, holding his gun level, as the lights came up to reveal Zechs, sitting in a chair behind a large rectangular desk.

"I see you made it."

"Brother!" Relena moved towards him immediately without an ounce of fear.

"Relena. I thought you and I were done talking."

"No, we're far from finished," she insisted, her voice rising a little.

Zechs folded his hands in front of him, his elbows resting on the desk. "I have no intention of changing my mind," he replied evenly, watching the shock on his dear sister's face as an enormous screen blinked to life behind him, showing the ever-growing mass of troops on and around MO-2. "You can see how far Treize has gone. Libra will have to face this enormous military force."

"Stop this at once; it's totally meaningless!" she exclaimed, clasping her hands in front of her.

"This is NOT meaningless!" Zechs bellowed authoritatively. "Even if it does disgrace future generations, the battle itself has plenty of meaning to it!"

"Brother…" Relena started again, stubborn even though the situation seemed near hopeless.

_Even her golden words can't sway him…_ Having had enough of their banter, Heero stepped around Relena and raised his gun again. "Zechs. I don't know what's between you and Treize, but stop getting others involved." _Did Zechs ever want peace? Switching his support from OZ to White Fang, to what ideal does he even hold allegiance?_

"This battle must involve a great deal of people," Zechs gave a small and eerie smile. "Because it's a problem for all humanity."

"Is that how an Earthling like yourself became chief representative of the colonies?" _This is nearly as fruitless as the conversation I once had with Treize._

"The colonies gave in to their will to fight, armed themselves and selected me to lead them. If you're having problems with that…" Zechs stood up, letting his imposing figure be as much a challenge as his words. "You're from the colonies. You lead the White Fang!" Heero's eyes narrowed and Zechs realized he'd hit a sore point. "Otherwise, you could always team up with me."

Heero's hand tightened on the gun and he clenched his teeth for a moment, trying to reel in his temper. "Us team up?" It was just like Zechs to try and strike a low blow, try to make Heero feel as if he wasn't even doing what he set out to accomplish – defend the colonies. _But I am no fool and I came to peace with my position in this a long time ago. There is no mission. There are no sides. There are only obstacles to peace, Zechs – and in my eyes, you are the last one left, no matter who you claim to be fighting for._ "Figures you'd say something like that."

"Is that your answer?"

"How about explaining what you meant when you said this battle has meaning?"

Zechs had been waiting for Heero to ask the question, knowing that Relena never would. She was the idealist and she would never believe there was a reason to fight – but Heero, the infallible soldier – he might actually listen to his reasoning, maybe even understand it… "Unless we fight, no one will learn how foolish fighting is! We must make all of mankind realize that!" _We must… I must… so that no one ever has to live through the things we have. So that no one has to watch their family murdered, their kingdom leveled, their people scattered…_

"Why'd you take on the job?" Heero's gun was still aimed at Zech's head, their eyes were locked - but he couldn't pull the trigger. Not without knowing the truth, not without being able to understand why someone he'd respected, back in Antarctica, could steer so far down a path Heero himself could never envision taking.

"Heero Yuy, former leader of the colonies… and King Peacecraft of the Sanc Kingdom… together tried to promote total pacifism," Zechs started, watching Heero's face intently. _Yes, Yuy, we are the incarnation of destiny in a strange and twisted fashion._ "One in space and the other on Earth." _No matter which side we represent, the yin to the yang._

"Our father did?!" Relena cut in, glancing from her brother to the boy with the famous name. _I never knew they were allies. How sad the way we stand here now facing off…_

"I'm just carrying out my father's ideals," Zechs finished quietly, but there was no joy or pride in his words.

"Our father's ideals?!" Relena tried to step around Heero again, incensed. "Are you trying to say that this pathetic war will lead us to Sanc Kingdom's total pacifism?!"

"That's right."

"You're mistaken!" she shouted at him. "Peace isn't something that one achieves through a war!"

Zechs smiled as he let the statement ring in his ears – the ideal that he wished every human being to embrace. "That's perfect. That's just how you should be." _And I will be their sacrificial lamb._

Relena drew a breath of surprise as Heero lowered his gun. "I understand…" _It's the same thing Noin said to me. When this ends, the people will not know who to trust. But Relena's familiar voice calling out to them – Peace, not war! It's exactly as Zechs wants it and exactly what Noin had already deduced. She's already figured out why he chose this path._ Heero turned to look at Relena, who glanced over her shoulder at him, confused and upset. "That should be enough. Your role in this is over."

Heero didn't know how to feel because he knew now that Zechs had planned the end of this, right down to the last detail – right down to gambling on the fact that Heero Yuy would pay him a visit before all was said and done. _He chose me as his ally, whether I knew it or not. And I've got to get Relena out of here so that the cornerstone of Zechs' plan doesn't fail, because it's far too late for any of us to turn back._ _It's so late that this conversation shouldn't even be happening…_ And then he realized why it had seemed so suspicious to him – Zechs wasn't really here.

"Heero…?!" _Why? Why is he backing down now?_

"Relena…" Zechs said softly, waiting until she turned to look back at him, on the verge of tears. "I hope you survive this. Good-bye, my little sister."

"Brother!" Relena exclaimed as the entire image vanished. "It was a hologram?! Heero!"

_o/ In the end only kindness matters… /o_

Heero let Relena chase him through the ship as he stewed about Zechs' final words. He hated being a pawn in Zechs' scheme and he wasn't going to sit idly by, rescuing Relena, and doing nothing to stop the destruction. _The point has already been made, Zechs… why do you need to use Libra to obliterate Earth? I won't let it happen. But I wonder… is that also part of his plan?_

"Heero!" Relena hissed behind him, beginning to get annoyed with him. "Can't you slow down?!"

_But I can't take out Libra yet, not when the troops haven't deployed._ Ducking into a storage area, Heero grabbed Relena by the arm and pulled her gently behind him. "We'll have to wait," he muttered, taking a seat on a crate. Crossing his arms over his chest, he leaned back against the wall and started to consider alterations to his original plan.

"Heero…" Relena started again, glancing around anxiously and wondering why they were stopping.

"I'm staying here until this battle's over."

"Pardon?" she raised an eyebrow, turning back to look at his closed eyes in curiosity.

"It'd be hard for Treize to destroy Libra right now. So, when the time comes, I'll do it myself." _Can't she see that the battleship is an obvious threat to everyone?_

"I think we have to stop this battle," she insisted, throwing her hands out in front of her for emphasis and completely missing Heero's point. "Dictators are the only ones who think lives must be sacrificed to achieve peace!"

"But Zechs and Treize are ready to sacrifice their own lives. That's why I have no intention of stopping them."

"But!"

_I hope your idealism will lead everyone into a new age, Relena… but right now, it would only get in the way. _It was just the same as when he had helped Noin convince her to allow Sanc to keep a defense force. It was a wonderful goal to wish for total pacifism, but it wasn't a reality in the current situation. She needed to accept that and realize that her chance would only come when the worst was ended. "You stay here with me!" he finally snapped at her, opening his eyes.

"What?" she murmured in surprise, pausing for a moment to consider his words. "You're going to protect me, Heero?"

_Missing the point again._ Heero closed his eyes and let his head dip a little. "I don't want to feel I owe Zechs something when we end up fighting." _If Treize doesn't take him out, I know it's going to have to be me. He won't let it go any other way._

Relena seemed oddly pleased with his answer and sat down beside him with a smile. "If this battleship really does go down, there wouldn't be a reason left for you to fight him."

Heero said nothing, only continued to calculate possibilities in his head. Libra was the true threat – Zechs being only one man – but Heero didn't think it was likely that Treize's force would be able to get close enough. In fact, the only thing currently in space with enough durability and firepower to get close enough was… "Shit…" he muttered, his eyes snapping open as he jumped up.

"Heero? What--"

Relena's question was drowned out by the ship's alarms going off, signaling the start of the battle, and Libra's engines engaging, moving the ship towards Earth. Leaning closer, Heero wrapped an arm around Relena's shoulders and spoke directly into her ear so that she could hear him above the noise. "We have to go. Have you rested long enough?" Relena nodded in response and they set out again, but this time, with a clearer destination in Heero's mind. _We need to be close enough that I can access the area, but not close enough that we get injured by the impact._ The sirens had stopped and Heero started listening to the echoes around them as they moved through the corridors and towards the control center for Libra's cannon. He paused suddenly, closing his eyes to focus on the distant sounds.

"What is it, Heero?"

"Get down and cover your head."

"What?"

"Peacemillion's plowing into us!" he insisted urgently, but when she continued to stare at him, he leaped at her, taking them both to the ground just in time.

The world vibrated around them as Heero shielded Relena with his body, taking the brunt of the falling debris. Metal on metal screeched and wailed at a deafening volume and the smell of smoke soon wafted down the remains of the corridor. Only when everything was still for at least a minute did he dare to move, lifting the heavy beam and part of the wall off of them as he got to his knees and looked around. _Time is short now._

Relena slowly lifted herself onto her elbows, coughing up dust from the impact. "Thank you, Heero – you protected me." _How did he know what was going to happen? Was it planned?_ She sat up quickly as she realized there was a jagged, bloody gash on his sleeve. "Heero! You're hurt!"

Heero glanced down at his arm and disregarded it immediately. "It's not serious."

"No, wait…"

"Now Zechs won't have his victory…" he mumbled. _But his point has still been made._

"What do you mean by that?"

"Forget it…" he turned to look at her, climbing to his feet and offering her a hand up. "I'm gonna need Zero."

"But Zechs--"

"Is probably already out in battle," he cut her off as he started to pick a path through the rubble. "So if you don't want more people to die, then I need to get to my mobile suit so that I can stop him."

Relena warred with her feelings as she climbed slowly over the pile of rubble and followed him through a doorway into a slightly less disheveled corridor. She didn't want anyone to fight at all, but could she really denounce Heero for trying to put an end to this mess? She was beginning to realize that it wasn't a black or white matter at all, but she didn't want to admit that people had been trying to tell her that for a long time now.

_o/ My hands are small I know  
But they're not yours, they are my own /o_

"Put the spacesuit on," Heero asked her as they reached a room with a row of lockers. "There may not be gravity or air in parts of the damaged area and we'll have to search for a way in."

"A way in?" she asked as she followed his directions, pulling on the space suit as she watched him slide slowly out of his pilfered White Fang jacket. "Heero, let me help you – please." Running down the row of lockers, she opened and closed them one by one until she found a first aid kit. Heero had stripped down to his usual tank-top and shorts, and to Relena's surprise, he sat quietly and stiffly on the bench and let her clean out the gash. "What I said earlier…" she started as she wrapped the bandage around his arm and tied it snugly. "You've saved my life yet again, but that isn't why I… why I admire you." He didn't answer her as she finished, but stood up abruptly and moved to pull on his own spacesuit. "I… I think you have a good heart, Heero Yuy. I think I've felt that ever since we first met. I… I trust you."

"I almost killed you more than once," he finally said softly in response, his back to her as he reached above the lockers to retrieve two helmets. "But I couldn't bring myself to do it." He offered no other explanation as he handed her a helmet, letting her draw whatever conclusions she wanted to. She wasn't the only one who'd ever tried to manipulate him or push him towards her way of thinking, but he didn't think it was for any self-gain. "Once we get to Peacemillion, follow Howard's instructions and get away from here."

"I want to talk with my brother once more…" she started softly.

"It won't help," Heero said as he picked up his own helmet. "Zechs' decision is final."

Heero was right about the lack of gravity, but it ended up being a help to them, as it was much easier to float up to the airlocks on Peacemillion. The ship was literally embedded into the side of Libra and Relena was certain she'd never seen anything like it before and probably never would again. It felt all too soon to her that they were inside Peacemillion's hangar, where Wing Zero stood alone and unharmed, waiting for its pilot.

"Heero! I… I wish you didn't have to go!" she told him as she watched him change from spacesuit to flight suit.

Carefully considering all that had happened today, Heero nodded slowly, reaching out one hand to touch her shoulder lightly. "To tell you the truth, Relena… sometimes lately, I wish I didn't have to either – but my decision is final too."

Relena stood on the ground in frustration as she watched him climb into Wing Zero's cockpit. "Heero…"

Letting the door close on her face, he turned Wing Zero on and let the ripple of power reverberate deep within him. In the end, no matter which direction people tried to push him in, his decisions were ultimately his own. His mind, his heart were his alone to reason and feel for the right way. He would shape the future with his own hands.

And maybe he'd make it out the other end.

As he closed his eyes and prepared for take-off, all he could see in his mind were the faces of his friends, and for the first time, he could admit to himself:

_I want to make it out._

_o/ And I am never broken  
We are never broken /o_

* * *

**Up Next:** Wait, the war's almost over, but the story isn't?! Hot damn!!


	20. Ch 20 Starlight

**Author's Notes:** In the time since I posted the last chapter, H has withdrawn/switched schools back to the AI (but the NYC branch, not the LA branch) meaning we've decided to move to NYC this coming summer. I'm sure you can imagine the ensuing chaos of paperwork, since we've only been in VT for a few months. I haven't even told the family yet. On top of that, a weekend in NYC visting H's cousin, a wedding coming up in FL next weekend, emergency car repairs and my first-ever speeding ticket... wow, it's really frustrating when offline things tie up time I'd rather be using to write.

This chapter really ran away from me because I needed to tie up a lot of loose ends regarding the end of the series canon, but wanted to include some other scenes loosely inspired by the extended scenes in the Odds & Evens videos that my friend Shannon let me watch a few months ago. Not all of the chapters will be this ridiculously long, I swear - and I'm really excited because next chapter begins a whole hell of a lot of original content I've been dying to write for ages.

**KS:** I'm sorry I had you worried! The cross-continental transition has been murder on my schedule, but I won't disappear, I promise! I agree that the series plotline is muddled and I'm sure you can guess how much time I've spent analyzing and speculating about every bit of it. You're about to see a whole lot more of the growing friendship between Duo & Quatre and I hope you enjoy Heero's growth in this chapter too.

**Snow: **I ought to give you an award for your last commentary, because even though it sounded like you weren't sure I'd understand, I completely do! I did, in all actuality, set out to do exactly as you described - to write this story as if you could watch the show and see everything happening behind the scenes, for it to be truly, hopefully realistically believable. And like you, I definitely see where the straight shippers come from with Heero & Relena, and some of that will pop up this chapter, for certain. It's there and I won't ignore it.

**Kirihana:** I admit, I laughed really hard when i read your comment. When H and I first sat down to watch the series, all of the commentary we made has slowly ended up inside this story. And you may not be saying the same thing about "dirty" when you make it to the end of this chapter! teehee!

**Irenthel: **I would apologize now for your late bedtime... but this chapter is even longer than the last one. Oops...

**roninlvr:** I am glad you are enjoying the development of the characters - I still feel like I;m just finally reaching the place where everyone truly begins to grow and change.

Thanks for sticking with me! My normal page breaks don't appear to be working, so today you get *** breaks.

*******

**Chapter 20 - Starlight (Episodes 47-49, plus scenes loosely inspired by the extended footage of the Odds & Evens videos)  
**

_o/~ Far away__  
This ship is taking me far away  
Far away from the memories  
Of the people who care if I live or die ~/o_

Duo gaped at the cloud of dust drifting out into space as the combined shape of Libra and Peacemillion was slowly revealed. "Oh man! That was one big collision!"

"As it stands now, it'd be hard to destroy just Libra," Trowa added as the four Gundams and Noin's mobile suit floated nearby, surveying the damage and waiting for a report.

"This is Peacemillion," Sally's voice came over the monitor, but the picture was fuzzy and crackling badly. "We're not at any risk of exploding. But we're basically stuck."

"I understand," Quatre responded as the group's leader, addressing not only Peacemillion, but also his fellow pilots. "We'll board Libra and take over the ship from within. We'll destroy the mobile doll control system, then demand the White Fang's surrender…" Sensing the "but" in Duo's expression, he was quick to add: "Also, we've got to find Heero and Relena."

"So we're going in?" Duo joked lightly, knowing full well that this was really the first time they'd all worked properly together. "This reminds me of the old days!" None of his friends had a chance to laugh or groan as Wu Fei quite suddenly took off towards the main battle. "What's wrong, Wu Fei?"

"You're in charge!" The Chinese boy snapped back towards Quatre, his attention already turning. The group didn't need his help searching Libra, but someone else on this battlefield was surely waiting for their re-match.

Duo blinked in surprise as he watched his friend growing smaller in the distance. "Hang on! Wu Fei!"

"Let him go," Trowa said gently, bringing Heavy Arms up alongside Deathscythe. "He's keeping an old promise."

Closing down all of the other monitors, Wu Fei focused his attention on locating the commander of Earth's forces. There were too many White Fang troops obscuring the path, so he began to take them out one by one, slashing and spinning, working his way closer and closer to the heart of the battle. "Treize!" he growled to himself. "When I'm done here, I'll test your integrity!" Technically, they were fighting on the same side, against White Fang, but the Chinese boy was absolutely certain that Treize had also not forgotten their earlier duel.

_That loss has shamed and haunted me. I was not strong enough to defeat him, and yet, he did not kill me._

"That's him," Wu Fei muttered to himself as a bright blue and white suit came into sight. Knowing he was out of range, he fired a few shots anyway, just to make his presence known.

"Poor aim!" Treize's face popped up on the monitor. "I'm over here!"

"Silence!" Wu Fei snapped in response as they finally came close enough for suit-to-suit contact.

"There was a time when battles could be lost and won with the push of a button," Treize's voice was calm and steady, rational and logical - at least to himself. "These mobile dolls are the root of all that detestable spirit. And their extension is that Libra. When wars are dehumanized, victory and defeat become miserable and God no longer lends a helping hand."

_Has he really just spoken aloud such a similar sentiment to what I've held inside me for this entire war?_ Wu Fei faltered for a moment. _Lies. He is the leader of OZ, the commander of the original mobile doll forces… he's destroyed countless numbers—_"Enough with the fancy speeches!" he bellowed as he attacked again. "Too many people have died for nothing because of the battles you've fought!" Distracted by his thoughts, Wu Fei could not totally avoid Treize as he circled around to attack from behind, but he spun away angrily. _He may not be weak, but Treize is still a hypocrite._ "If you're going to fight anyone, then fight only me!"

"You're absolutely right," Treize replied, instantly dropping his blaster and withdrawing a beam saber.

Grinning a little, Wu Fei brandished his weapon. "Are you prepared for the worst?!"

"Of course," Treize answered seriously. "This time I won't go easy on you."

_Easy on me?! _"Enough talk!" Wu Fei snarled as Treize smiled in his monitor. They traded a few attacks back and forth, testing each other, until Treize withdrew again.

"What's wrong?" he taunted lightly. "Why not use your dragon?"

Wu Fei backed off a bit as well, watching Treize warily. "Because I want to fight you fair and square! That's why!" _If this is to be my graveyard, then I will die an honorable death._

"That's not like you," Treize mused thoughtfully, wondering if he had misjudged the Chinese boy. "Why the hesitation?"

"Look who's talking;" Wu Fei snapped back as they stared each other down. _He's the one hesitating and asking pointless questions. _"Why didn't you kill me earlier?" _Why did you let me live on in shame?_

Treize was silent for a moment as he weighed whether or not Wu Fei was ready for the truth, as he so deemed it. "I couldn't kill one of the few people that understands me," he finally answered, lacing his words with a surprising amount of compassion.

_Understanding? What understanding could we possibly have?!_ "Give me a break!" Wu Fei roared as Treize again parried his attack. "I DESPISE you!"

"Then come and get me!" Treize taunted as they locked beam sabers, each struggling against the strength of the other and paying no attention to the battle going on around them.

"You're only capable of looking down on people like this! You're only fighting to satisfy your ego!" _And I'm not! I'm fighting for justice! I AM justice! "_How many people do you think have died for you?!"

"Shall I tell you?" Treize paused, watching the play of emotions on the Gundam pilot's face. He wasn't surprised that Wu Fei had directed such passionate rage towards him, but it was no less than he had asked for or expected. "As of yesterday, 99, 822 people."

"What?!" Wu Fei stammered in shock, his mind trying to compute the figure into a visual total and finding that he simply could not envision it.

"Lady, how many fatalities today?" Treize inquired politely, tapping a key lightly to bring his dear lady's face up onto the monitor.

"We have confirmation of 82 White Fang soldiers and 105 of our own," she intoned lightly.

Treize slowly brought one gloved hand to his face, as if committing the numbers to memory. "I see. Give me their names later today."

"Yes, sir. I will."

Listening to this exchange over his own monitor, watching Treize act like the compassionate and concerned leader, Wu Fei felt something inside him snap. "Damn you!"

"I remember everyone who's sacrificed their lives in battle," Treize continued evenly. "Noventa, Septem, Ventei, Darlian, Walker, Otto, Bunt. How could I forget them?"

"How could you be so…" Wu Fei started with a shake of his head. _If these people were his comrades, his friends, how can he speak their names with such calm acceptance of Fate? I still feel rage over Meilan's death... does he not feel the same for any of those names? For anyone at all?_

Treize could see that his words were having an effect on Wu Fei, but could not tell if the boy believed him or not. It was easiest to see him purely as the villain, wasn't it? "I can only grieve over the loss by those who fought." _Villain or martyr, the cause still has more value than our lives, doesn't it, Milliardo?_ Treize's hands moved slowly as he calculated, watched Wu Fei's torn expression. "But at least try and understand this...not one of those people died in vain. So…!" _I will keep our pact… and the fates shall decide the outcome._

Wu Fei hadn't even opened his mouth to respond before Treize's mobile suit was flying at him without warning. There was no time for thought or consideration, as his reflexes kicked in to defend himself from the threat, his weapon ripping viciously through the core of the modified Tallgeese.

"That was beautiful, Wu Fei!" Treize extolled as the weapon was withdrawn and a chain of explosions echoed around him.

Frozen, Wu Fei could only watch in horror at what he had done. "Treize!" he choked out. "How could you…!"

"Wu Fei, my eternal friend," Treize responded as his image crackled into black, his voice echoing hauntingly in Altron's cockpit. "I'm honored I could fight with you pilots."

"No, this can't be true," Wu Fei's heart was hammering so loudly in his ears that he thought it might explode right alongside Treize's mobile suit, and even as he spoke the words, he knew there was no truth in them. "I won't let this happen!"

Treize smiled and closed his eyes. _I'm sorry, Lady._ "Milliardo, I'll be waiting on the other side."

Wu Fei slammed his fist into the console – furious, horrified, disbelieving – powerless to change the outcome, unable to stop the tears springing to the corners of his eyes. "DAMN IT!" _It should have been me…_ "I wasn't expecting to win…" _Powerless… it feels that, in the end, I am always powerless._

The World Nation's subsequent immediate surrender echoed on momentarily deaf ears as Wu Fei screamed incoherently, beating his fists against everything within his reach.

*******

"It doesn't matter which of us finds the control room first, but we can't leave here until it's destroyed," Quatre intoned sternly as he handed two small, round devices to Trowa and Duo. The three stood in a circle not far from where they'd landed their Gundams on a damaged area of Libra.

"What about--" Duo started, but Quatre quickly cut him off.

"I don't know where Heero is any better than you do, Duo," the blond shook his head, giving his friend a sympathetic look. "We'll all look for him – and Relena as well – but the first priority has to be that control room."

"Once we destroy that, all of the dolls will cease to function and White Fang will be largely at a loss," Trowa added, holding up the device between two long fingers. "And this?"

"High frequency communicator," Quatre responded, pulling his gun out of the holster and cocking it. "If you run into any trouble or need assistance, simply hold down the button and it'll alert the other two. It shouldn't be affected by anything electrical on this ship or Peacemillion, as it's run directly through Sandrock."

"Then I guess we'd better get going so we can end this war," Duo said with grim determination, pulling out his own gun as Trowa did the same.

Looking from Duo to Trowa, Quatre nodded in agreement. "Stay alert – and don't be too proud to call for help, promise?"

Trowa smiled a little as he and Duo exchanged a knowing look. The confident leader standing before them now was a far cry from the guilty and insecure soul of several days ago, and Trowa liked to hope that he had something to do with it. "Yes, sir!"

As soon as his friends were out of sight, Quatre ducked into a doorway and closed his eyes, reaching out with his heart and hoping for guidance. He had little to go on besides his own intuition, but the faith of his fellow pilots gave him the courage to believe in it more than ever. Three corridors proved to be nearly-empty dead ends, but the fourth felt somehow different, drawing him to a room near the center of Libra. With gun held high, he entered the room, startled to see a familiar face in the dim lighting.

_I was right. _"So it's you, Dorothy Catalonia."

"That's right, Quatre Raberba Winner," Dorothy answered as if she'd been waiting here just for him. Lifting her gun, she aimed it at his head and fired with no hesitation.

Quatre dove to barely avoid the bullet, shocked by her actions. "This is no time to be fighting! It's too dangerous to stay on this battleship!"

"Quatre Raberba Winner," Dorothy over-emphasized every syllable of his name as if she hadn't heard a word he'd said. "I knew it was you. You're by far the most misguided one of all the Gundam pilots!" Jamming the gun back in its holster, she picked up a helmet sitting on a nearby chair and slipped it over her head.

"What is this?!" Quatre demanded as the hundreds of screens came to life around them, blinking brightly.

"The mobile doll control room."

_Control room? Really? But I recognize the program's start-up sequence…_ "No, I'm positive this is the Zero System."

"You got it," Dorothy smirked. "We connected the mobile doll controls to the Zero System. So now you know. My desire to fight activates all mobile dolls!" She'd known he would come and find her here – this other strategist, this boy who thought he was her equal, her superior. She had known this moment would come and reached behind her for the two swords that had been patiently waiting, throwing one down at Quatre's feet.

"What's the idea?" Quatre snapped, his eyes narrowing in a surprising display of anger. _That system was never meant to be used this way!_

"Quatre Winner, I challenge you to a duel. I lost the battle when each of us used the Zero System. But I wonder what would happen this time." She lifted her rapier, listening to the whispers of the Zero System through the helmet. _My desire to fight… I will eliminate him._ "You've decided you can fight without the Zero System."

"I wouldn't fight if I could help it," he answered with a note of disgust. "But unless I keep fighting, you people won't surrender and the war will never end."

"That's absolutely right! Now, let's determine which is more advanced – the Zero System or the human consciousness!"

Quatre lowered his head a little, his voice gruff and serious. The Zero System had been his own work, and it was already dangerous without being connected to the mobile dolls. He didn't want to fight Dorothy, but if she forced his hand… "And if I refuse?" The words were barely out of his mouth before she was attacking and he let out a surprised exclamation as he dodged her attack, very aware that she was fighting to kill. She turned to attack again and nearly sliced into him, but Quatre dove for the other sword, bringing it up just in time to block yet another attack. "Why are you so fond of war?" he demanded as he struggled to hold her off. "Why must we do this?!"

"You're so gentle, Quatre," Dorothy chided lightly, backing off for a moment. "What reasons do you have to fight?"

This answer was easy for Quatre, as visions of the satellite just before its obliteration filled his mind. _Father… _"I fight for my family! I have to fight to ward off my family's sorrow!"

"My father did that," she muttered bitterly. "He fought so I wouldn't feel any sorrow; and he died!" The last word was shrill, her emotions starting to unravel. "That's why I'm going to die fighting a beautiful battle!" Pushing off the ground, she used the light gravity to soar upwards into the air.

"Then you actually hate war too!" Quatre called to her with a bit of surprise, realizing that they were actually more alike than he'd guessed.

"No!" Dorothy used the ceiling as leverage, pushing off it for another quick attack, but Quatre dodged her, coming around from behind. They traded blow after blow, Dorothy on the attack, Quatre defending and refusing to counter-attack himself. "War isn't to blame for destruction and massacre! The enemies we must defeat are in our hearts!"

"I believe in peace because it surpasses war," Quatre argued. "I believe in the heart that hopes for peace!" _If all hearts would unite and hope for peace, change would surely happen._

"Then I'll ask you this! You say that you've fought for everyone. But what has anyone done for you in return?"

"I'm not fighting to receive any kind of compensation," Quatre said with a shake of his head. _Peace is my reward._

Dorothy backed off again, changing her stance, and Quatre watched as she prepared for a different style of attack. "That's why you'll always be an amateur!"

But Quatre was no amateur at all. He had been trained to fence since he was barely five years old, and more than that, he'd always been the type to study other people. The nuances of each person was what made them a unique soul, made all life valuable and equal to him – made war unnecessary in his eyes. He ducked under Dorothy's new attack with ease, slamming into her with his shoulder. Her body flew into the wall like a rag doll, stunning her as he straightened up, every bit of his lineage evident in the proud set of his shoulders. "Please stop this, Dorothy."

Perhaps he had bested her at swordplay, but Dorothy wasn't finished with the blond heir just yet. Cackling a little, she lifted her head from her ungraceful position on the floor and met his gaze. "The colonies betrayed the Gundams," she started evenly, a hint of malice in her tone. "The colony citizens killed your father." Like a true strategist, she studied her opponent and caught the flicker in his emotions. "And the armed colonies declared independence from Earth before truly understanding what was going on." _I have him now. This is his weakness – his heart – and he'll crumble._ "Your battles so far have all been a complete waste of time!" Quatre seemed suddenly speechless, paralyzed by her attempt to punch every insecurity he held deep inside, but she didn't let up. "Your sympathy toward others, too much sympathy for others, has resulted in this worst-case scenario!"

Quatre stood motionless as Dorothy climbed slowly to her feet. _All of those statements are true… but I stopped fighting 'for the colonies' a long time ago. And none of these battles have been a waste – each one was a step down a path, a movement towards peace, however small._

"Why are you holding back? Or can't you go for it? Well, you can bet that I will!" she taunted him as she attacked again, not quite able to read the expression in his eyes. "That purity! That weak heart! That kindness!" Every word she spit out sounded further enraged as she attacked relentlessly. "No wonder you Gundam pilots get defeated!"

Quatre gave a surprised exclamation as she knocked his sword out of his hand, ducking out of the way as it crashed into the ceiling, destroying one of the screens. "Maybe you're right," he admitted softly, taking a step back. _I can't change my heart. _"This is the only way I know how to fight. But it's because we take on losing battles that we've kept the colonies from the horrors of war!"

"You'll never change anything that way!" she sneered.

"Then what should I have done?" he asked quietly, studying her as he rubbed at the quickly rising bruise on his hand.

Dorothy spread her arms wide in a grand gesture. "You should've become the colonies' leader and staged a magnificent war yourself! Like Milliardo!" She jabbed the point of her rapier into the air to emphasize the name.

"Dorothy, you're mistaken--" Quatre started, a horrified expression on his face, but the words were barely out of his mouth before Dorothy had plunged her rapier straight into his gut. Quatre doubled over, wrapping his hands around the blade to try and prevent it from going in any further.

"And you should've staged this war before all mankind," she hissed, twisting her blade a little. "A miserable war that they'll never want to see again!"

"Are you saying that's the significance of this war?" Quatre struggled to speak, glancing down to see the blood quickly soaking the front of his flight suit. _I'm in trouble._

"That's right," she nodded, her voice wavering now that Quatre seemed to be accepting her point of view. "You can't do away with wars simply by taking weapons away from the people! You first have to change the hearts of mankind. If you don't do that, humanity will perish…" She paused, trying to hide how choked up she was getting. "…just like my father!"

Quatre fought to stay conscious as he sought for a way to get to the communicator he had on him. He couldn't reach for it right now or she might get suspicious and simply finish him off – he was at a terrible disadvantage and angry at himself for dropping his guard for even a moment. "You're a very kind person." _She's not wrong about needing to change the hearts of humanity. I can tell that she doesn't want anyone to suffer the loss of their loved ones the way we both did. _ _Is that why she's fighting with Zechs, trying to create the ultimate war to end all wars? What a painful path to choose._ "Kinder than me."

"Is that supposed to make me happy?!" Dorothy yelled, withdrawing her sword and watching as Quatre quickly crumpled to his knees, struggling to breathe. "Kindness gets in the way when you're trying to survive! It's more appropriate for man to concentrate on surviving."

"D-Dorothy!" Quatre wheezed, slowly sliding one hand towards his pocket as he pressed the other into his wound to try and slow the bleeding. "You're just the same way I used to be. You despise your own kindness and your own hatred of war." _Got it._ Quatre slid his hand around the communicator and jammed the button in, hoping that Trowa and Duo weren't in any trouble themselves. "You should never try to fight your kindness. Trowa taught me that." _He made me realize that I'm not in this alone._ "You have to try and accept everything around you…because humanity needs that kindness. Without kindness, mankind has no reason to exist." Quatre lifted his head, his face paler than pale, but his attempt at a smile came out more like a wince. Dorothy had stopped speaking and he wondered if he was finally getting through to her. "You agree, don't you? Humans that only think of their survival are lower life forms than animals. They can't even feel for others…" _But I feel for you… and I think maybe you even feel for me too. _ Black crept into the corners of his vision and as his body seized up with pain, Quatre passed out.

*******

Trowa hadn't had any luck in his search of Libra and as soon as the communicator started buzzing in his pockets, he knew immediately that it was Quatre. "I'm coming, Quatre," he murmured, pulling it out of his pocket and studying it. It wasn't a map by any means, but depending on what way he turned, the lights on it changed colors, red to gold to green, and he headed back the way he'd come to retrieve Heavy Arms, knowing it would be faster.

He'd barely climbed inside before he was cornered by a group of mobile dolls, but before he could fire, they'd already been blown to bits. _Duo._ Trowa smiled as the familiar face popped up on his monitor, but his fellow pilot looked more than a little stressed out.

"You made it, Trowa!" Duo grinned, a bit of relief painting his face. He'd already been on the way to the outside hull to take the annoying group of scientists to Peacemillion when the communicator had gone off. But if Trowa was here and well, then it had to be Quatre. _And Trowa will help him out, for sure._ "Sorry, but I've gotta run. I'm afraid you're on your own here."

"I can manage fine," he nodded, wondering if the braided pilot had located Heero and Relena.

"Gotcha." With no time to waste, Duo took off without further explanation. _I hope they'll be okay without me._ "Don't get yourself killed."

"You either, Duo." Trowa watched as Deathscythe disappeared down another corridor and then glanced back at the communicator. He had to be very close now, because the lights were blinking crazily. Parking Heavy Arms, he hopped down and pulled his gun out again, moving through the doorway as silently as he could.

"The Earth has surrendered?!"

The room was dark and it took Trowa's eyes a few moments to adjust as he listened to the echo of a female voice. He couldn't quite make out what the man on the monitor was saying and his eyes scanned the room carefully until he caught a wisp of blond hair. Quatre was floating unconscious in mid-air and Trowa felt his entire chest tighten. _He can't be…_ But he couldn't bring himself to even think the word as he took another step into the room.

"And the combat observation unit has just informed us that Treize Khushrenada has died in battle."

_Treize is dead?! _Trowa could hear the man on the screen more clearly now and he eavesdropped on the end of to conversation as he inched closer and closer to Quatre, but the girl, Dorothy, wasn't paying any attention to the fallen blond. _If Treize is dead, does that mean that the war is over and Earth has lost?_

"No! That can't be!"

"Victory is ours. But our plans to ram this ship into Earth are unchanged. Those are Commander Milliardo's orders."

_Ram the ship into Earth? _It seemed like a ridiculous idea to Trowa. It would certainly send a message, but if it obliterated everyone on Earth, then there wouldn't be anyone left to _hear_ it. _We need to get out of here now._ Finally stepping into the dim light, Trowa coolly addressed the nearly hysterical girl, one hand on his gun. "Things didn't go as planned. In a way, what you were attempting was probably correct. But it still won't bring true peace."

"I was only… " Dorothy started and trailed off, her face white and stricken.

"That's sad," Trowa said with a tilt of his head. "A woman who can't cry." Dorothy said nothing, watching as Trowa walked across the room as if she didn't even exist, wrapping an arm around Quatre's shoulders and pulling him to the floor. _He's still breathing. _"Quatre?"

"T-trowa…?" The familiar voice roused Quatre and he blinked a few times as Trowa unzipped his flight suit, pulling out one arm and tearing off part of a sleeve, quickly ripping it into strips.

"I'm going to tie this around you to try and keep the bleeding down," he said gently, reaching to unzip Quatre's flight suit. "It's probably going to be painful, but we don't have time for anything else. Zechs is going to ram this ship into Earth--"

"No!" Quatre exclaimed, wincing as Trowa reached into his suit and around him to affix the makeshift bandage.

"And I need to destroy the mobile doll control system before we can go." He smiled at Quatre, running one thumb down his cheek affectionately before standing up and re-zipping his suit, relieved that the other boy was relatively okay. If he could just see to the controls and get them off the ship, they might still make it out of this mess alive. Trowa spared a glance at Dorothy before moving to the control system, but she was now sitting on the floor, her back to him and the sag in her shoulders signaling her defeat.

"I've fought all this time," he said to her as he turned his own back and began to shred the wiring of the controls with his pocketknife. "And with each battle, I've been killing my own heart." _Sometimes I think all soldiers are slowly killing their hearts with the brutality they witness and take part in._ "My heart's been completely void of feelings for a long time." _Until recently. Very recently._ "Maybe my life doesn't have value anymore. But I have to keep on living."

Dorothy opened her eyes and lifted her head a little, surprised to hear him voice something so similar to how she'd been feeling. With her father and now Treize dead, she felt that her idols were vanished, her dreams squashed – even peace would feel bittersweet to her, if it came. "Why?"

Trowa was silent for a long moment as he considered her question, the screens going dark around them, one by one. _Maybe I don't value my life, but I think some other people do. In fact, I made a promise to Catherine that I'd come home alive._ "I have a home to return to," he finally answered simply.

"Unlike you, I don't have any place left to go back to," she said, but it was more sad than bitter.

Finishing with the wires, Trowa quickly made his way back to Quatre's side, playing a concerned hand on his shoulder. "Can you stand up, Quatre?"

"Trowa." Quatre lifted his head to meet Trowa's eyes and reached out a hand to touch his arm, leaning towards him. "You've got to do me a favor," he insisted urgently. "Look after her and forget about me."

Dorothy turned sharply to look at him in complete surprise, but Trowa didn't give her an opportunity to respond. "Don't worry, Quatre, She's strong enough to take care of herself."

Quatre let Trowa slide an arm around his shoulders for support, grateful for the lack of gravity that made it easier to get to his feet. "Yeah, I guess…" he murmured softly. _Is that the truth? Or does Trowa refuse to leave me behind?_ He couldn't help but feel a little bit touched by the gesture, and at the same time, it made him feel all the worse for Dorothy.

Dorothy said nothing as they floated by, grabbing her helmet out of mid-air as the reached the door.

"You'd better hurry," Trowa advised her as he glanced back over his shoulder. There was no sympathy in his tone, but he didn't want to see the sad girl blown up either.

"Don't get yourself killed," Quatre's echoed Trowa's unvoiced thoughts.

Alone in the destroyed control room, the silence seemed to engulf her. Crumbling completely, Dorothy covered her face with her helmet and cried.

*******

_~/o Starlight  
I will be chasing the starlight  
Until the end of my life  
I don't know if it's worth it anymore o/~_

She was banging ferociously on the cockpit door.

With a sigh, Heero flipped the switch to open it, continuing with his take-off procedures.

"Wait, Heero!" Relena exclaimed, leaning in the opening. "Why is it necessary for you to go?"

_Didn't we just have this conversation?_ Heero didn't answer her, giving a small and somewhat eerie smile that only further incited her.

"Libra's going down! There isn't any reason left to keep fighting!" she argued angrily, turning her face away and closing her eyes dramatically. "My brother, Milliardo Peacecraft, and the White Fang have been defeated!"

Heero raised one eyebrow as he glanced up from his preparations. "I'll bet Zechs doesn't think he's lost. Besides, I doubt Zechs or Treize will ever stop this battle."

"What?!"

"That's why I've got to go and fight them."

Relena turned back to him, her eyebrows furrowed in frustration – a look that was becoming quite common for her whenever Heero was around. "You think if you go, the war will come to an end?"

_Actually, I don't think it, I know it – but she won't want to hear it. _Heero watched her eyes widen as he stood abruptly and moved towards her, grabbing the back of her helmet with one hand to pull her face closer. "I'll defeat Zechs, then I'll get Treize," he said simply and seriously. He kept his eyes locked on hers, wanting her to see the reflection of her own hopes for peace. "Then the war will be over. Afterward, if you survive, there will finally be peace. This is the only thing I can do for you." _I can't change the hearts of humanity, but I can at least put a stop to those who are obstructions to peace._

_Is he going to kiss me?_ Their faces were inches apart and Relena's heart hammered in her chest, her eyes tearing at his words. _What meaning does peace hold for me if all the people I care for perish in obtaining it? _"Heero…"

"I promised to protect you. But to protect you and the Earth Sphere, I have no choice but to fight." _I don't need Zero to tell me that this is the end. I feel it like an electric current running through everyone and everything._

"No…" she whispered, but it was half-hearted, lost in the sheer force of Heero's will. _Why do I feel that he's the one convincing me, when it was supposed to be the other way around?_

"Let me fight," Heero said softly, sweetly, as if the request were words of endearment.

There was something ethereal and otherworldly in his expression that she'd never seen from him before and it both enthralled and scared Relena deeply. Heero's face wavered blurrily as she blinked back tears. _Why is he so at peace with the decision to fight? I just don't understand! _"I won't!" she insisted defiantly. "No!" _He's not listening to me._ "Heero, you're… planning to die, aren't you?!"

_How wrong you are._ Heero reached to close the front screen of her helmet, the same small smile still painted on his face. "Trust me."

Relena was not expecting him to suddenly shove her forcibly backwards out of Wing Zero, and in the low gravity with nothing to grasp onto, she flew backwards across the hangar, reaching out towards him. "Heero!" Wing Zero's engine engaged as she hit the railing, twisting to grab it as the air lock opened. "I do trust you, Heero…"

"Goodbye, Relena…" he murmured as Zero soared out and away. Hitting a button, Sally's face popped up on his screen. "Relena's in Peacemillion's hangar. Please make sure she leaves with you for MO-2." He didn't bother to wait for a reply, flipping the monitor off again and focusing on finding Zechs in the battle that was still going on all around the combined shape of Libra and Peacemillion. He knew Relena was safe when he heard her voice coming over the intercom, begging him to answer, but he finally hit mute on all of the channels except those of his fellow Gundams, unwilling to let her be a distraction. "Forget about me, Relena. Life is cheap – especially mine!" _There's no place for a soldier like me in the coming days and Earth will need her to be strong for them. Better that she stop worrying about me._

Heero scanned the battlefield until he finally caught sight of Epyon's imposing figure, waiting for him out the outside hull of one of Libra's points, as proud and powerful as he remembered. This really would be the fight for his own life.

"Certain conditions must be met for total peace," Zech's face popped up on his monitor, a storm of emotions brewing beneath the calm mask he was desperately trying to keep in place. Epyon's wings spread as Zechs ignited the bright green beam saber. "First, all weapons must be eliminated. And second, the desire to fight must be erased from people's minds!" Zechs dodged the warning shot from Wing Zero, taking it as a sign that Heero now understood his mindset. "Libra will fall to Earth! It's the only way we'll achieve total pacifism!"

Heero definitely understood that Zechs wanted peace perhaps even more desperately than his sister, but the means he was using to achieve it were too extreme for Heero to allow. Even though he had been the original defender of the colonies, he would now defend the Earth with the same amount of dedication. "The people who've lost Earth will despise you," he said to Zechs as he attacked, the clash of the two powerful suits rattling every bone in his body. "…and the colonies will rely on you." He wanted to remain as calm as he always had in previous battles, but there was so much more at stake now, personally, and for everyone on Earth. "The same mistakes will be repeated endlessly as long as you live!"

Backing off, Heero shot at Zechs with his blaster until Epyon wrapped its whip around it to the yank it away. _He wants to fight sword to sword? Fine with me._ He knew from the conversation he and Relena had had with Zech's hologram earlier that the man intended to single-handedly pay for the sin of purging humanity – and had every intention of forcing Heero to be his unwilling partner in it. If Heero could simply disable Epyon, the message would be sent and they'd both escape with their lives, but there was still the matter of Libra to deal with - he had to be in a position to force Zechs not to crash the ship into the planet. It was a far more difficult task than outright killing him. "You're the same as Treize, claiming to fight for justice to protect the weak! But in fact, you're not helping the weak at all!"

"It's the strong that create the weak! It was the strong Earth that created the weak colonies and almost drove them to destruction!" Zechs bellowed, attacking relentlessly.

Heero dodged him again, landing on a section of Libra that had started to break away from the rest of the battleship, and as he looked around in surprise, he realized that all of the mobile dolls had stopped moving. _They got to the mobile doll control room! _The moment of distraction cost him dearly, as Epyon knocked his beam saber out of his hand and Zechs crowed loudly.

"Now, victory will be mine."

_I really think this has all gone to his head. He might be able to master that mobile suit physically, but the control system has addled his mind._ "I can't stand the weak," he told Zechs honestly, scanning around him for the fallen beam saber. "They're always nervous about being attacked next. They can't trust anybody and never have their own opinion." _In a way, we are all victims of that conditioning._ _In a way, we're all trying to figure out who or what to trust. _After all, he himself had only worked so hard at his training out of a desire to never be as weak and kicked around as he'd been before meeting Odin – to never have to trust anyone and be hurt for it again.

But now, he'd changed, just as the views of the Earth and the colonies were changing. He understood now that it was in moments of pain and peril that the strongest bonds of trust were born. The ways in which the pilots had been forced to trust each other were the same ways in which the people of Earth and Space would finally learn to trust – to be the first to put down your weapons. It was a damn fucking leap of some sixth sense faith to be the first to do it, harder still to believe it and respond in kind - but it was possible – Duo had extended unconditional trust to him even when he'd been at first too cynical to believe it and probably undeserving of it, having stolen parts from Deathscythe! He knew he was better for it now, for the trust they had, and so it would be the same for Earth and Space. And anyone who wasn't willing to grow, to make that leap of faith… those people… "I can't tolerate such people!" Heero's eyes locked on to his fallen beam saber. _Behind him!_

"Strong people make them that way!" Zechs glared at Heero as if he alone were to blame for humanity's faults. Even though the very thing he had worked so hard for was already happening, Zechs was too lost in the grandness of his own scheme to see the way out of its finale.

Libra changed direction underneath them as Peacemillion's drive suddenly engaged, and the abrupt motion sent the beam saber within reach. Heero dove for it, avoiding another vicious attack, and then turned sharply around on Zechs, holding his saber to Epyon's neck. "Zechs, nobody is strong," he said, a little softer, a little sad. _We're all just in this together, trying to learn, trying to trust…_ "All of humanity is weak! And that includes you and me!" _There are no perfect people and there will never be a perfect peace, but that doesn't mean that we ever stop growing and trying. If we gave that up, we'd all have nothing left._ _Zechs is acting as if he has nothing left, but it's not true – he has Relena._

Both the verbal and physical fights were suddenly interrupted by a large broadcast from the colonies, and Heero kept the beam saber to Epyon's neck, forcing Zechs to listen with him.

"In accordance with the World Nation's declaration of surrender, the Colony Delegation has an announcement from all colonies. We wish to renounce the White Fang's demands and announce our desire to coexist with the World Nation. We further declare our rejection of any combat, regardless of the reason, and hope that the World Nation will follow suit. We would also like to apologize for the suffering endured by many people during this war as a result of our unclear stance."

Heero was momentarily stunned by the news, knowing immediately that if the World Nation had surrendered, someone had gotten to Treize before him. _Is it possible that both sides are unwilling to continue this combat? That trust has finally been born?_ "The war is over…" he whispered to himself. "Zechs…" he pushed away the deluge of thoughts and feelings threatening to overtake him and addressed Epyon's pilot. "Zechs, it's over--" The words were barely out of Heero's mouth before Epyon had violently shoved Wing Zero, separating the two mobile suits and forcing Heero to stumbled backwards. "You're finished, Zechs."

"Not yet!" Zechs hissed, attacking again and flying right past Wing Zero as Heero dodged. "I still don't see myself as one of the weak!"

_What the hell is wrong with him?! He's already gotten what he wanted – both sides are refusing to fight!_ Heero evaded yet another attack as he directed Wing Zero inside the section of Libra that they were standing on, noticing that the chunk of metal was still accelerating towards Earth even though the rest of the ship had begun to move away, but Epyon still followed him, clearly out for blood despite the announcement from both the World Nation and the Colony Delegation. Finally coming to a stop, Heero turned to face Zechs, his weapon drawn and his eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. _Is he trying to kill us both on purpose? If both sides are calling a ceasefire… _ "The colonies have started heading toward total pacifism all on their own. Your actions are meaningless!"

"My destiny is smeared with blood," Zechs said with a slow shake of his head. "I won't be talked out of this transgression! I'll settle this, Heero!"

_The future that Zero and Epyon have shown us – why won't he accept it?_ _Relena was wrong – it isn't me that's wising for death. It's Zechs. _"I know you can see the future!" _This is my chance._ The two mobile suits flew at each other and Heero braced himself for impact, feeling for a moment as if his mind was melding with the Zero System. _If I'm off by so much as an inch…_

Epyon's arm clattered to the floor with a crackle of electricity and Zechs exhaled slowly. _Am I to be denied martyrdom too?_ "Why don't you kill me?"

Heero was silent for a moment, considering. He'd taken many lives in this war, more than he cared to count. What would be the difference now? What would make this one any harder to live with? _"_Relena would be sad," he finally answered, moving to head towards the power source as Quatre paged him over the monitor.

"Heero!"

"Quatre?" Heero could tell immediately that Quatre was wounded and he wondered how the others had fared.

"Glad you're okay. The block is still descending toward the Earth."

"Understood. I'll destroy this ship's power system. Leaving Zechs behind him, he used the map of the ship they'd obtained from Hilde what seemed like a lifetime ago to navigate his way towards the control room. "Here it is." _I don't have my blaster. Stabbing it with my beam saber might not do enough damage and could potentially kill me before I get a second shot in._ "My only choice is the self-destruct device." The other pilots would understand – if they were still alive – but would Relena? Despite how much she hated fighting, would she want him to trade all of Earth's lives for his own? All the same, if he blew up the power source with the self-destruct, it would not only save Earth, but also allow Zechs enough time to get out safely. _And I'm out of time and ideas._

"Farewell, Relena," he murmured, taking a deep breath as he readied himself to hit the switch. He'd done it once before, he could do it again, right? _Then why am I hesitating? The war is over. The mission is nearly complete. My life doesn't matter. _His heart thudded dully in his chest and he swallowed hard. _My life is cheap. My life--_

The button slipped from under Heero's finger as Epyon dropped down in front of him and Zech's window reappeared on his monitor. "There's one more thing required to attain total peace. A strong heart that can empathize with people! Like yours." Zechs stared hard at Heero, wondering why the pilot was hesitating. When they had first met, Heero had been willing to lay his life down for the cause without a second thought. _But even I can see that his heart has changed._ "You're too pure and kind… but I guess that's what gives you the right to live." _Not a martyr, not a hero… but either way, this is the end._ "I'm going to live right to the bitter end!"

Heero dropped the self-destruct button as he watched Zechs plunge his beam saber directly into the power source. "Zechs!" he yelled in horror.

"I'll live the hard life of a warrior!"

"Zechs!" Heero yelled again – but the power source exploded with blinding light and heat, throwing him backwards through several walls as Zechs' last words echoed and sizzled out.

"Till we meet again, Heero!"

Heero's hands were steady as he bashed his way through what was left of the block, his eyes closed as he tried to stuff down the fiery feeling choking his throat. He couldn't stop to think about anything right now – not while this chunk of metal was still threatening Earth. The power source was detonated, but it hadn't been enough - the impact of an object this size would still severely alter Earth's climate. "Zero, please guide me through this," he said through gritted teeth, breathing in sync with the golden pulse. _The temperature's rising – it's entering the atmosphere._

Another wall was blasted away to reveal the remains of the battle and Wu Fei tossed Heero's blaster to him with a grim expression. "You forgot this; take it!"

_Zechs gave me the chance to save Earth. I can't let everyone down._ "Mission accepted."

Throwing the Gundam into full forward thrust, Heero pushed Wing Zero to its limits as he flew ahead of the block and deeper into the atmosphere. The Gundam was built to withstand the high temperatures of lasers and explosions, but the rising heat made Heero feel as if his entire brain was melting into the Zero System itself. Places, people, events, experiences – everything was blurring –

Struggling, turning, facing the oncoming chunk of metal

The heat is palpable – red, hot, shaking – an inferno

Fighting desperately to get a lock with the blaster, but he can't hold it steady

Pieces of Wing Zero are breaking off, vaporized, melted

Probability of success is less than zero by his calculations

Heero exhaled in pain, speaking first softly "I will…" then louder "I will…" then a bellow, from the depths of his soul "I will survive!"

As if the Zero System itself had bent to the force of his will, the target locked and he pulled the trigger.

*******

_o/~ My life  
You electrify my life  
Let's conspire to re-ignite  
All the souls that would die just to feel alive ~/o_

Duo refused to close his eyes to the piercingly painful white light as the remains of the block shattered into millions of pieces, each a tiny red spark in the distance, burned up by the heat of Earth's atmosphere.

Earth was saved. The war was over.

But Duo felt no joy at all – only a choking fear and anxiety that threatened to override every shred of common sense and send him charging after his best friend – and then, from the fiery mess, a battered and half-melted Wing Zero appeared, flying brilliantly towards them with the gorgeous blue and green orb as its backdrop.

"HE MADE IT!" Duo exploded emotionally with shock and relief, joy and exuberance. He didn't care at all if any of the other pilots saw the tears streaking down his cheeks. "You've done it, Heero!"

"Naturally," Wu Fei put in softly, finally feeling a little bit of his earlier grief slip away.

"Hmm, he's quite the guy," Trowa tilted his head with a small smile as he watched his odds-defying friend race towards them.

Quatre was nearly as emotional as Duo, gushing his words over the monitors to his fellow pilots. "Now I get it. Heero himself is the heart of outer space!"

Heero's face finally appeared on their monitors, a calm radiating from within him. "Mission complete."

Duo burst into relieved laughter and headed Deathcythe straight towards Wing, twirling his scythe crazily, dancing in the only way he could out in space. "Time to celebrate!"

"Everyone head for MO-2," Quatre said immediately. "I've already received word from Sally that she and the rest of Peacemillion's crew arrived safely and were greeted warmly by Lady Une. We've been invited to join them there…" He paused and looked pointedly at Wu Fei. "…with no strings attached."

The five Gundam pilots flew together, perhaps for the last time, towards MO-2, docking at the satellite's hangar one by one. Wu Fei hung back, momentarily uncertain about what he wanted to do, knowing full well that everyone was aware of his role in Treize's death.

Inside the hangar, Heero was the first out of his Gundam, pulling off his helmet and watching his friends, so relieved that they'd all made it through alive that he didn't really know what to say. No matter how many times he'd dreamed of a moment like this or how many visions and versions of the future Zero had shown him, now that it was here, he felt almost dumbstruck. Catching Duo's eyes as the braided pilot climbed down from Deathscythe, they both smiled warmly at each other. Hardly a moment later, he had an armful of the other boy as Duo practically threw himself at Heero, squeezing him so hard he could barely breath.

"You're amazing," Duo murmured in his ear, hugging Heero as tightly as he could. "No one else could have pulled that off."

Where once upon a time, he might have pushed Duo away, Heero now returned the embrace, curling hand around Duo's braid with a smile. "I…" he started, pulling back and shaking his head. "I don't know what to say."

Duo only grinned, reaching to squeezing both of Heero's hands in his for a moment before turning to watch Trowa helping Quatre out of Sandrock. "I'm going to see if there's a bottle of champagne anywhere on this rock!" he called up to them loudly.

"Priorities, Duo," Trowa responded sarcastically with a good-humored roll of his eyes. "We need to get Sally to take a look at Quatre first."

"Right! Sorry, Quat!" Completely unfettered by the moment, Duo bounded across the hangar and tried to engulf both Trowa and Quatre in another hug. "Then we'll meet you there! Right, Heero?" He turned back to his best friend, but Heero had already walked back towards Wing Zero, resting one hand on a large foot with a pensive expression on his face.

"Non-alcoholic, Duo," Quatre chastised his friend with a genuine, if pained, smile as he limped towards the door with Trowa's help.

They were gone a moment later, leaving Duo and Heero alone in the hangar, and the braided boy walked back towards the other pilot, a curious expression painting his features. "Heero? You okay?"

Heero nodded slowly, his hand sliding off the metal as he turned back to Duo. "I think so…" he said slowly. His thoughts were currently a jumbled mess, but he was hoping that with the time to sort them out, he would find the right words to say – not only to Duo, but to everyone else that would probably be expecting something from him.

Duo knew Heero well enough by now to understand when he was working through something, and so he simply smiled, leaning in to kiss him lightly on the lips. "I'm going to find champagne. I bet they've brought some from Earth for the occasion. Join us when you can?" Stepping back, he gestured with a thumb to Wu Fei as the Chinese boy descended from his Gundam, having finally decided that he could at least join them temporarily. "And tell 'Fei too, okay?"

_o/~ And I'll never let you go  
If you promise not to fade away  
Never fade away ~/o_

Heero watched Duo leave, his braid swinging jauntily back and forth behind him, and felt momentarily guilty that he couldn't offer the same sentimentality back in return. It wasn't that he wasn't happy and relieved that the war was over, but he also felt exhausted, overwhelmed and suddenly out of place. Lost in thought, he completely failed to notice the footsteps behind him weren't Wu Fei's until Relena had already wrapped her arms around him from behind.

"Heero! You did it! I'm so happy you're safe and you won't have to fight anymore!"

Turning and trying to disentangle himself from her at the same time, Heero took a step back, intoning softly. "Relena…"

"The war is over, Heero! Did you hear the announcement? About the conference being held tomorrow?" Relena's eyes glistened with tears, but Heero had no idea if they were for the announcement, his safety, the loss of Zechs or a combination of all three. She was talking so fast that he couldn't have gotten a word in if he'd wanted to. "I've already been invited, of course, with the experience I have, and I wanted to ask a favor of you. Heero? Are you listening to me?"

"A favor?" Heero crossed his arms over his chest and gave her a somewhat skeptical look, but she only smiled coyly. _Ever the consummate politician…_

"Well, I… Noin, really… thinks it could be dangerous. There are people who aren't happy with the ceasefire, and rebel sects that--"

"Relena."

Catching on to Heero's growing exasperation, she decided to simply state her case. "I want you to come with me – not just to the public memorial, but to all of the meetings. You don't have to participate or say anything, just… look out for me?" The word "protect" was on the tip of her tongue when she saw Heero flinch. "It's not a forever thing," she added hastily with a shake of her head. "Just, right now, with… with everything changing. Please, Heero?" She reached out to touch his arm lightly, trying to get him to meet her eyes. "It would mean a lot to me to have you there with me, since… since my brother…"

"Can we talk about this tomorrow morning?" Heero finally interrupted her. He would simply add it to his list of thoughts to sort out, but he couldn't make that kind of decision on the spot. He had no idea what any of his fellow pilots were planning on doing yet, didn't know where he fit into anything right now.

"Only if you give me your word that you won't blow me off and disappear," she pouted slightly.

Heero frowned, but after a moment, gave a slight nod. "Agreed."

"Thank you, Heero!" she said brightly, as if he had already agreed to her request.

Heero caught what Relena was about to do only because she hesitated for a moment, and he turned his face aside, letting her lips brush his cheek lightly instead of finding their intended mark.

Not at all embarrassed about what she'd done, Relena smiled as she stepped back. "I really am thankful to you, Heero – for everything. Until tomorrow!"

Heero ran his knuckles over his cheek roughly once she was out of sight, somewhat bothered by the exchange, but he didn't have the chance to dwell on it as he noticed that Wu Fei was in the process of refueling his Gundam and making some minor repairs. "Leaving already?"

"That girl is trouble, Yuy," he said with a shake of his head, standing up and brushing his hands off.

"I can handle it," Heero retorted gruffly, crossing the few steps between them to ask his question again. "Are you leaving?"

Wu Fei didn't respond for a long moment, turning his back to Heero and looking up at his mobile suit. "I have no place here. Where does the soldier go when the war is finished?"

"I don't know the answer to that, but you do have a place here. Duo told me to invite you to his… celebration."

Wu Fei picked up his helmet before turning back to meet Heero's gaze. "I killed Treize."

The two boys stared at each other hard for a moment and then Heero calmly repeated himself again. "You have a place with us – the four of us. I know that the others would say the same if they were standing here." If Wu Fei didn't view that as acceptance, forgiveness, understanding of his actions… then Heero didn't know what else to tell him.

"I am sorry," Wu Fei exhaled slowly. "I simply can't stay here right now. Please give the others my best wishes."

"No."

Wu Fei's eyes widened in surprise, but Heero stared him down, saying nothing else. "…very well."

"You should do it yourself," he tried to explain, wishing he had Duo's knack for knowing the right thing to say to make the other person see that you understood where they were coming from.

Wu Fei shook his head slowly. "I want to, but… I can't right now." He needed time to try and understand all that had happened – time to meditate, time to pray, time to grieve. He hoped that Heero could understand that and not judge him too harshly for it. He extended his hand, waiting for a moment until Heero grasped it tightly with his own, but then, much to his surprise, Wing's pilot stepped back and bowed to him, hands pressed lightly together in front of his chest. Both honored and touched by Heero's thoughtfulness, Wu Fei returned the bow before turning to climb into his Gundam.

Alone in the hangar, Heero found that he wasn't quite ready to celebrate yet, and he set out to find a quiet spot to do some meditating of his own.

_o/~ Our hopes and expectations  
Black holes and revelations ~/o_

*******

"You're very lucky, Quatre," Sally said brightly as she finished the last stitch and used her scissors to snip off the end of the thread. "The wound actually wasn't very deep – it just bled a great deal. As long as you take it easy for a day or two, you should be just fine."

"Thanks, Sally," Quatre replied with a tired, but grateful smile. "I have a lot to do in the next few days, but I'll try to heed your advice as much as I can."

"There's something else I wanted to ask you, if you don't mind my prying a little bit," she started as she wheeled her chair away from his bedside, opening a drawer and removing several types of bandages.

"No, feel free."

"Have you thought about your plans now that the war's over? I know you probably have a lot of family business to attend to, but I'm going to be organizing clean-up crews here in space. If you or any of the others--"

"Sally, that's a wonderful idea," Quatre grinned broadly now, trying to sit up in bed. "My sisters have been running the family business during the war – I'm sure they'd understand if I took some time to help, not to mention that the natural resource satellites that my family owns would make great stations to base different teams out of--"

"Easy, Quatre!" Sally laughed a little, reaching out with both hands until he settled back onto his pillow again so she could finish taping his bandages. "I'm glad that you're interested, but it can certainly wait until tomorrow. There's the memorial service to attend, of course, and the conference, but perhaps we can sit down over dinner and discuss our ideas."

"It's a plan."

The door to Quatre's room creaked open and Trowa poked his head in, his expression a cross between worried and bemused. "Did I just hear laughter? Is it okay to come in?"

Quatre glanced at Sally and she nodded, so he lifted a hand to usher Trowa inside. "Yes, Trowa, it's fine – I'm fine."

Sensing the hesitancy between the two, Sally stood up to excuse herself, pausing at the doorway only to give a small lecture as Trowa sat down in the chair beside the bed. "Drink lots of water. Stay off your feet until tomorrow. Get some sleep."

"Yes, ma'am!" Quatre snapped back sharply, waiting until the door had closed behind her before reaching out to take Trowa's hand in his own. "Trowa, thank you for… for being there when I needed you most."

Trowa's cheeks colored and he glanced away, quietly pleased by Quatre's words. "We all played our parts," he said softly. "I'm just genuinely happy that we all made it through this day with our lives intact."

"Hell-ooo," called a sing-song voice as the door swung open abruptly to reveal Duo, champagne bottle in one hand and several glasses in the other. "Special delivery! Someone order a celebration?"

Quatre laughed, quickly letting go of Trowa's hand to try and shift himself up in bed. "Duo!"

"Careful or you'll pop your stiches," Trowa said, reaching to help him readjust his position.

"Oh, Trooo-wa, I'm fine! Really!" Despite the lines of exhaustion in his face, Quatre's eyes were bright as he turned to Duo and implored him wholeheartedly. "Duo, would you tell him that I'm fine? I don't want to rest yet – I want to celebrate too!"

"Trooo-wa," Duo floated over to them as he perfectly mimicked Quatre, handing the taller boy the glasses as he took the champagne bottle in both hands. "He's fine! Come on, celebrate with me! This moment is once-in-a-lifetime!" Without waiting for a response, he shook the bottle vigorously, laughing loudly with then cork popped out and hit the wall on the far side of the room. The dexterous circus clown held out all three glasses laced securely in between his fingers, leaving the other two on the small wooden table beside the bed, as Duo poured the frothy liquid into each glass.

"This is non-alcoholic, right?" Quatre asked them nervously, looking back and forth between Duo and Trowa's faces, neither of which gave away the answer.

"To peace!" Duo lifted his glass with a grin.

"To unity," Trowa added firmly and they both turned to look at Quatre expectantly.

"To friendship," he added, unwilling to be left out.

The three pilots clinked glasses, with Quatre sipping his daintily as the other two downed them in single gulps. "This is _real_…" Quatre breathed accusingly as he glared at them and both Duo and Trowa burst into laughter. Watching his friends be so carelessly mirthful, Quatre couldn't help but laugh himself, wincing as he did. "Ouch, stop making me laugh!"

"Sorry, sorry," Trowa snickered, elbowing Duo, who was already pouring himself a second glass of champagne.

"Has Heero shown up yet?" Duo asked, then immediately answered his own rhetoric. "No, obviously – well, I'm gonna go look for him. He should be here with us!"

"Duo, wait," Quatre said as the braided boy turned to go, still trying to catch his breath from the laughter. "Before you go, I wanted to ask you both…"

"Ask me what?"

"Tomorrow evening, have dinner with Sally and me?"

"Hmm…" Duo said, raising his eyebrow and exchanging a rather silly look with Trowa. "Is this some sorta four-way date, Quatre? How do you know we're into that?"

"Not at all!" Quatre spluttered, his cheeks goings bright red. Duo hadn't teased him in such a manner since they were in Africa and it was almost surreal to finally see the braided boy in such good spirits again.

"He's teasing," Trowa cut in, turning a mock glare on the braided boy. "Now hurry up and say yes, and then get out of here so that Quatre can get some rest."

"Yes, of course," Duo responded more seriously. "I assume it's really about 'what do we do now' and stuff? I'll pass the message on to Heero, when I find him."

"Thank you, Duo," Quatre replied, still a touch embarrassed at his reaction to the joke. "If we don't see you again, sleep well tonight, with sweet well-earned dreams."

Now it was Duo's turn to color a little as he lifted his second glass, draining it in one gulp again before reaching to grab one of the empty glasses from the table. "Same sentimental goop back at you."

"You gave me real champagne," Quatre accused lightly once Duo was out the door, trying to sound mad.

Trowa chuckled softly as he took the glass from Quatre and set it aside. "Not a bad day for your first drink, Quatre," he teased. "Or are you that perfectly law-abiding?"

"Hah, right," Quatre shook his head slowly before letting out a huge yawn. "I suppose I can let it slide – I certainly don't feel at all like a child anymore." Noticing that Quatre's eyes were starting to droop, Trowa stood up to leave, surprised when the blond reached out to catch his wrist tightly. "Would you mind staying? Or do you--"

"Not at all," Trowa replied with a sharp shake of his head, caught more by Quatre's intense gaze than the tight grip. "I can…sit with you… for awhile…" he offered, the hint of awkwardness returning now that they were alone. Neither had forgotten what had happened between them in Sandrock's cockpit not very long ago.

"Nonsense," Quatre murmured, giving Trowa's arm a little tug. "You need rest too." _Are you really going to make me ask you?_

_Is he really asking me to…?_ Trowa swallowed hard and then slowly moved to sit on the edge of the bed. At the end of this day, this war, he found himself acknowledging that that there was only one thing he wanted to do – and it seemed to him that Quatre desired the same thing. Sliding down until they were side by side, he carefully pulled the blond into his arms, being careful not to bump the new stitches.

His head now pillowed on Trowa's shoulder, Quatre gave a soft sigh and let himself drift off to sleep, at peace for the first time he could remember in years.

_o/~ Hold you in my arms  
I just wanted to hold  
You in my arms ~/-_

*******

The first place that Duo looked for Heero was back in the hangar, but it was silent and empty, save the four Gundams within it, and he wondered if Wu Fei had even come aboard the resource satellite at all. Still, the fact that Wing Zero was in the hangar meant that it was highly likely that Heero was still on the satellite somewhere. Duo didn't care if he had to search all night to find him – he was just relieved that Heero hadn't left again without saying goodbye. That thought brought everything that had happened on Peacemillion rushing back into his mind and he picked up his pace a little, peeking into room after room, heading away from the noise and bustle as he went. He knew that Heero wasn't avoiding him specifically, the way he had once upon a time, but it irked Duo all the same that he always felt like the one giving chase. Just for once, he'd like to pin Heero down in one place and…

Biting his lip, he tried to push the distracting thought away, but his mind seemed unable to focus on any other subject. _Heero…_ There had definitely been a moment where Duo had feared that saving Earth would cost Heero his life, and even though it hadn't, the very idea left him decidedly unsettled. _Maybe a part of me, since the original self-destruct fiasco, has felt like Heero is invincible…but that's not reality._ Another part of him knew all too well how real and human he was, remembered soft lips against his own and warm skin under his fingertips…

Duo would have smacked himself in the head if he hadn't been holding champagne in one hand and glasses in the other, but he figured that even that wouldn't be able to derail his train of thought. Maybe it had crept up on him bit by bit, but the boy who was so used to being on his own now felt like a piece of him was missing when his best friend wasn't by his side. He and Heero definitely had a bond, an understanding, and when the other boy wasn't there for Duo to ramble to, wasn't there to have his back at all times… it felt like his insides were tying up in knots. And as scary as that feeling was, with the war ending and people talking about the future, he'd begun to wonder if he should try and talk to Heero about how he was feeling.

When a door finally slid open to reveal Heero sitting alone on the ledge of a large viewport, the only thing Duo wanted to do was run over, grab him and kiss him senseless. Instead, he paused for a moment, his eyes traveling from one lean leg, toe barely on the floor for support, up to the curve of the perfect ass perched precariously on the ledge, from the strong shoulders resting against the wall to the messy chocolate hair, the angular profile and one dark blue eye fixed out on the stars. Even though Heero's stance was calm and peaceful, Duo could still see a hint of sadness and worry in the single blue eye, things he usually hid from other people. Duo wanted to imprint the image on his mind like a mental photograph, something to keep deep inside where no one else could see it. _ I am the only one who will ever see Heero sit in just this way, just this moment, see this kind of vulnerability in his expression. This moment is also once-in-a-lifetime… _"Heero…" he said softly.

Heero turned at the sound of his name and when he saw that it was Duo, he smiled. "Duo…" Heero had expected the other boy to seek him out, but he was also glad that he had. Seeing the champagne bottle in Duo's hand, he inclined his head a little and questioned. "I've already missed the celebration?"

Duo crossed the room slowly, holding out the hand with two glasses in it. "We can have our own, just the two of us." He hadn't intended it to sound like a come-on, but when he saw the quirk of Heero's eyebrow, he decided that he wasn't sorry that it had.

"I don't know what I'm celebrating. I don't know what's going to happen now. The fighting might have ended for today, but I have trouble believing wholeheartedly--" Heero started, even as he accepted one of the two glasses and let Duo pour some champagne into each.

"Heero," Duo interrupted him with a shake of his head. "Trust me when I say that I'm the first to agree with you about the fighting. None of us has any idea what's going to happen next, but you know what?" He paused for a moment, setting the bottle of champagne down on the floor and lifting his glass a little higher. "Today, I want to be an optimist. Today, I want to celebrate the fact that there IS a ceasefire, no matter how long it lasts. Today, I want to celebrate the number of people who are NOT dying in battle as we speak…" Duo paused again as he choked up a little, taking a deep breath before finishing. "Today I want to celebrate the fact that everyone here _wants_ to try for peace. That alone IS an accomplishment! Today… today I want to celebrate…"

"To peace…" Heero said softly, clinking his glass lightly against Duo's, his heart swayed by the other boy's words.

Duo grinned, reaching with his free hand to brush hastily at a tear at the corner of one eye. "To peace." Duo drained his third glass of champagne in a single gulp, as he had the first two, and was pleased to see that Heero did the same. Taking the empty glass out of Heero's hand, he stooped to set the two of them down beside the now-empty bottle of champagne. Straightening up, he took a step closer until his leg brushed up against Heero's and then he leaned in, whispering into Heero's ear. "I'm gonna kiss you now."

Heero's eyes fluttered closed as Duo's lips connected with the pulse point just behind his ear, and he let the leg perched on the windowsill slip back down to the floor, turning his body until his back was against the viewport. Duo trailed a line of feather-light kisses along Heero's jaw until he reached his chin, and then he paused, his eyes flickering up to Heero's as they opened. "Were you planning on stopping there?" Heero asked him in mock seriousness. "After convincing me of why we needed to celebrate?" _Even if you did truly make me feel the reasons why._

Duo wondered just how far the invitation extended as he pulled back a little. "I'm glad I've convinced you of the why…" _And I think you want me to kiss you. _Duo didn't want to stop, but he'd seen the look on Heero's face when he'd walked in, too – knew that the day's events were overwhelming. "But the how is up for interpretation… if you wanted to talk…"

"I don't, not really," Heero started, then amended, not wanting Duo to think he was pushing him away. "Not yet. I just… I will, want to talk, eventually, I think… I…" Heero couldn't deny that there was a lot on his mind, but if there was anything that being with Duo had taught him, it was that sometimes he needed to put that aside and just feel his way through things. He didn't want to spend all of his time worrying about tomorrow, didn't want to feel guilty for wanting to take a moment for himself, not after what they had done today. "I wanted to make it out alive today and you're right – I don't want to dwell on the negatives either. I… don't want to be anywhere besides here, right now."

"With me?"

"With you," he confirmed, reaching out to run one thumb lightly down Duo's cheek and over his lips. "So I hope you really weren't… planning on stopping right there." He could tell that Duo was holding something back, some wave of emotion, perhaps, and he didn't know how else to give him permission to let it out. "What do _you_ want?"

Duo nipped at the thumb as Heero pulled it away. "I…" he replied hoarsely, knowing there was no way he could put it into words. "I don't want to stop."

"Then don't."

Duo's hands landed hard on Heero's thighs, squeezing them sharply as he leaned in to claim the other boy's lips, turned on by the knowledge that they both still wanted this -- wanted each other, even though the war was over – that it wasn't happening simply because they might die tomorrow. Tongues wrestling for dominance, Duo pushed Heero's legs apart until he could grind his hips hard against the other's boy's and Heero's hands reached around to grab Duo's ass, keeping him in place. Encouraged by the response, Duo broke their kiss and slid one hand in between them, unzipping the flight suit Heero was still wearing to reveal the familiar green tank top beneath it. As he pushed the suit away from Heero's shoulders, the other boy's hands moved and quickly began unbuttoning Duo's black shirt. Both items slipped away at nearly the same instant, and limbs collided as they tried to pull each other's tank tops off at the same time. Laughing, Duo took a step back and pulled his own over his head, dropping it on the floor as he watched Heero do the same.

Heero watched Duo's expression as he then pushed down the rest of the flight suit, liking the way Duo's breath hitched when he kicked it away, leaving himself in nothing but his black spandex shorts. The braided boy's face was flushed and Heero reached to tuck three fingers into the front of his waistband, pulling him close enough to capture his mouth again. He drew Duo's tongue into his mouth and sucked on it hard, pretending to let it go before drawing it back in again sharply as he unzipped the other boy's pants.

The heat of Heero's mouth, the sucking sensation – it made Duo think of fucking as he peeled away the black spandex, and he suddenly craved the idea of being inside Heero, of trading places from the way they'd done it the last time, and he wondered if that was what Heero had been trying to imply by kissing him in such a way. They hadn't really talked about it last time – it had just happened the way it had happened and he'd enjoyed every moment – but before he could think of a way to ask without sounding like either a pervert or an idiot, Heero surprised him by breaking their kiss again.

"I can take it as well as I give it…" Heero panted softly, thinking of the joke they'd made last time as he dragged one palm down Duo's chest and then wrapped it abruptly around his cock, squeezing just a little.

Duo's hips jerked forward as he gave a guttural noise of pleasure, remembering how Heero had said much the same thing on Peacemillion, and decided that turnabout was definitely fair play between the two of them. "And I'll always meet you punch for punch," he intoned breathily in response, wrapping his own hand around Heero's cock and pumping it a few times. With his free hand, he reached to wind his fingers into Heero's hair and pulled his face in for another bruising kiss. This time, he plunged his own tongue into Heero's mouth repeatedly as he continued to stroke the other boy's cock, refusing to relent until Heero's hands stalled for a moment and he moaned into Duo's mouth.

Heero was quite aware of what Duo wanted by now, seeing as he'd all but courted it with his last comment, so when the other boy turned him around to face the viewport, he didn't fight it. Rather, he felt as if his body was burning slowly, waiting for Duo to take him, and he ground his teeth hard. The glass was icy cold underneath Heero's hands as he supported their weight and Duo ground himself against Heero's ass, reaching around to slide two of his fingers into Heero's mouth, jumping when Heero bit down on them a little too hard. "Don't," he snapped, turning his head to catch Duo's eyes over his shoulder. "Just – just _do_ it."

"But…" Duo started, his eyebrows furrowing in concern, not at all wanting to hurt Heero. "What if I--"

Heero knew it probably came off as just a touch masochistic, but he didn't care. He knew that no matter what he asked for, Duo wouldn't judge him for it. "Duo. Your hand."

"Bossing me around even in this position?" Duo teased, biting Heero's shoulder lightly even as he held out his hand.

"Wouldn't have to if you'd just give me what I want the first time I ask," he parried back before he spit into Duo's hand. "Instead of being a tease."

"Tease?" Duo ran his hand along his own cock, then placed both of his hands on Heero's hips to brace himself. "My concern for your well-being means I'm a tease?"

Heero now braced himself with his forearms, unable to keep the smirk off of his face. "Still stalling?"

"I'm not a tease." Duo placed his cock at Heero's entrance and very slowly began to push into him, until Heero grunted out two last words.

"Prove it."

A wave of emotion rippled over Duo at the challenge and he thrust his hips forward, burying himself deep inside Heero, his body shuddering sharply at the intensity of the sensation.

Heero didn't flinch at all, but let out a long, low moan as Duo pulled out slowly and then thrust in again, his hands still gripping Heero's hips so hard that his knuckles were white. Supporting himself with both arms, Heero pressed his cheek against the cold glass as his vision spun, the glittering stars and the blue-green of Earth outside the viewport whirling dizzily.

Duo let go of Heero's hip to reach his hand around and grasp hold of his lover's leaking cock, stroking it slowly in time with each of his thrusts. "I wanna remember this…Heero… " Duo panted softly into Heero's ear. "You, me, Earth…"

Heero started to lose it as Duo's voice continued whispering intensely into his ear, his strokes getting faster and faster, so far gone in their moment of bliss that he barely knew what he was saying. Heero didn't either, but he didn't care, it didn't matter – he didn't even know which way was up, because the only thing he could focus on was the connection he felt to Duo. Leaning back against him, Heero caught the corner of Duo's mouth in a sloppy kiss before he came hard into his lover's hand with one strangled word. "Duo!"

The sound of Heero calling out his name with such abandon sent Duo right over the edge and he thrust once more before emptying himself into Heero, nearly collapsing against him in a daze.

Heero took a few deep breaths, giving them each a moment to come back to reality before Duo reluctantly withdrew and Heero turned to face him. "Duo?" he asked in concern, immediately noticing the stricken look on the other boy's face.

"Heero…" Duo started, drawing the end of his braid into his hand nervously. "Heero, I…" _I want to say it to him. I do. But I can't even say it to myself yet. What's wrong with me?_

Heero saw the struggle in Duo's indigo eyes and felt a moment of unusual anxiety overtake him. _I think I know what he wants to say, but… am I ready to hear it? Or return it? _Grabbing Duo by the hand, Heero tugged him away from the viewport. "Come on, let's get cleaned up."

Duo blinked at him for a moment, his mouth opening and closing a few times before he relaxed, looking a little relieved that hero had broken the moment as he nodded. "Then this is--"

"My room, per Lady Une," he finished Duo's unasked question. "Yours is next door."

Duo grinned at the remark, raising an eyebrow in amusement. "Will I be needing it?"

Heero nudged open the door to the bathroom with a shake of his head and a small smile, letting go of Duo's hand to turn the shower on. "Only if you'd rather me sleep in your bed."

Duo pulled the hair tie from the end of his braid and began to unravel it, climbing into the shower right behind Heero and pulling the door closed behind them. The water and light bounced off the walls of the small compartment as the glass began to steam up, casting shadows onto their faces as they gazed at each other. Duo stepped forward until he could rest his head on Heero's shoulder, winding arms around his waist as Heero's came up around his shoulders. "As long as I can fall asleep with my head on your shoulder just like this, I don't care where we sleep." _As long as it's together._

_o/~ Hold you in my arms  
__I just wanted to hold  
You in my arms  
I just wanted to hold ~/o_


	21. Ch 21 Us

**Author's Notes: **This chapter was tons of fun to write, so I hope everyone enjoys it! I'm actually leaving the country next Saturday to go to Harbour Island in the Bahamas over Thanksgiving week, but I'm taking my laptop with me so I can keep writing!

**snow: **I'm glad that someone enjoys all the minor characters in this story. I don't really plan to focus on anyone outside the pilots, but I enjoy the guest star appearances here and there. This is really the first post-canon chapter, so I can't wait to hear what you think about where the story's going!

**KS:** In the last couple of episodes of the series, something in Heero really changes and I know I fell head over heels for him all over again, at the end, the first time I ever saw the show. I really wanted that to show in the last chapter and I'm glad it did. I had to give Treize a noble end - I can't really view any of the main characters in the show as truly villainous because I think they all have their own ideas and justifications for their actions.

**Kirihana: ***winks* Oh, the dirty is really only just beginning...

**roninlvr: **omg! We'll totally have to hang out some time! It's pretty definite that we're moving to the city this summer, but we're usually down there once a month anyways. I was born in Staten Island and my dad was FDNY for 20 years, so I've always had ties to NYC. I'm happy you're enjoying the developing relationship between Heero and Duo. They've both definitely fallen for each other and trust each other, but this chapter will prove that they still have a long way to go... but I get the feeling you'll have fun with the journey I'm sending them on. *grins*

Thanks, as always, to all of my readers, wherever in the world you may be. And to H & S. Peace.

* * *

**Chapter 21 – Us (The Day After)**

_o/~ The world is always changing_

_You can see it every day_

_But in a tragic situation_

_You just can't hide yourself away ~/o_

Heero was standing in an open space, a few yards away from a large, stone arch, but the edges of his vision seemed fuzzy and fogged, as if there wasn't anything else beyond the small area that he could see. Slowly turning in a circle, it seemed to him that he was completely alone. "Hello?" he called out, listening to the sound of his own voice echo back to him, the air completely still.

"Heero?"

"Duo?!" he called back, turning around and around, recognizing the voice immediately but unable to pinpoint what direction it was coming from.

**BAM!**

An explosion rocked the ground under his feet, and he whirled to see the stone arch collapsing, but the destruction didn't end there – as he watched with shock, pieces of the actual sky began crumbling and crashing to the ground around him with thunderous noise, leaving a black expanse where there had once been blue. There was nowhere to hide in the great open space and Heero dodged the falling pieces frantically, the ground vibrating under his feet with every bit that came crashing down--

And then he woke with a start, realizing, as he lay on his back staring up at the dark and shadowed ceiling, that someone was pounding none too politely on the door to his room, echoing the vibrations of his dream. Underneath the thin sheet drawn up to his waist, he was completely nude, and Duo was draped across him, head on his shoulder, hair fanned out behind him, arm and leg tossed over Heero's body in an unconsciously possessive gesture, still sound asleep.

"Heero? Heero, are you in there?!"

_Relena._ Heero had to stifle a groan as he carefully tried to slide out from underneath Duo without waking him, stretching as he scanned the room for the clothes they'd discarded during the previous evening's activities. Grabbing his black spandex shorts from where they lay crumpled in a ball on the floor, he yanked them on and stalked over to the door.

By this time, Duo had been roused slightly and he blinked sleepily, drawing the sheet closer around himself now that Heero's warmth was gone, mumbling. "Who'sit?"

Heero cracked the door open, using his body to block the view into the room.

"Good morning, Heero!" Relena chirped with a smile, trying to peer into the room without being too obvious about it. "Did I wake you?"

"Yes," he answered, staring at her expectantly.

"My apologies," she said, tilting her head a little. "But I wanted to catch you before the memorial service because the conference of world leaders begins shortly afterwards."

Although he hadn't decided what he was going to do in the long run yet, Heero didn't really want anything to do with the events going on today, beyond paying his respects to the fallen. "Look, Relena…" he started slowly, trying to find a way to bow out without insulting her completely.

"We're hoping to add to the ceasefire with the declaration of a new governing body for both Earth and Space – it's history in the making!" Relena barreled right along as if she hadn't even heard Heero, taking a step away from the door to reveal Noin standing against the wall behind her.

_Perhaps there is some substance to this request if she managed to drag Noin to my door at such an early hour. _Heero frowned as Noin took a step towards him and Relena smiled a little more, making it quite clear that she felt she'd already won this battle.

"I'm sorry, Heero," Noin said, her words seeming heavier than usual. "You deserve a day of rest more than anyone else and I wouldn't ask if I didn't think it was necessary… but tensions are still running high between a lot of factions. I'd keep an eye on Relena myself, but I need to be at another meeting during the same time to deal with some… loose ends that Zechs left behind. It's only for today – so perhaps you could consider it to be a personal favor, for me?"

Heero had to resist the urge to glance back over his shoulder to see if Duo was listening, not wanting to give away the fact that anyone else was in the room. He didn't know how Duo felt about their… relationship… being publically known. _But Noin has always been completely honest with me, and… I'm certain that Zechs would appreciate me looking after his sister. _"Fine," he relented with a small sigh. "But only for today."

"Thank you, Heero!" Relena beamed. "I really appreciate it! Would you like to accompany us to breakfast? The service doesn't start for another 45 minutes."

"No, thank you," he responded with a shake of his head. "I'll see you at the memorial service."

Relena looked slightly disappointed, but after a stern glance from Noin, she relented with a small nod and held out a large bag. "We thought you might enjoy some new clothes to wear, since… well… I'm sure yours are very dirty."

Heero raised an eyebrow, his eyes flickering from Relena's overly decorated regal clothing to Noin's cowboy shirt. _I'm afraid to think about what could possibly be in that bag._ "That's really not necessary."

Before Relena could begin to argue with the pilot, Noin placed a hand on her shoulder and addressed Heero again. "Please, Heero – after everything you've done for us, let us do something for you… as trivial as it may seem. I simply thought it would be a nice gesture, as you are doing us a favor." Noin didn't care if that made it obvious that she'd expected all along that Heero would agree to help them.

As Heero hesitated, he heard a small crash behind him that sounded suspiciously like a pillow being thrown at the lamp. _Trying to send me a not-so-subtle message, Maxwell?_

"What was that?" Relena asked in surprise, trying once again to peer around Heero. He took the opportunity to snatch the bag from her hands, nodding a quick thank you at Noin. "Give me a chance to get dressed and I'll meet you at the service." Heero had the door closed before either of them could reply, crossing the dark room as he dropped the bag, sliding back into the bed with Duo, who was now laying on his side, head propped up on one hand as he waited expectantly. "Noin asked me to sit in on the conference with Relena this afternoon…"

"In case anyone decides to assassinate the former Queen?" Duo quipped as Heero rolled onto his side, mirroring Duo's stance until they were nearly nose to nose, legs tangling under the sheet.

"Something like that," Heero replied, cracking a small smile. "Do you mind?" They hadn't discussed the future whatsoever last night, but he hoped that Duo hadn't been planning on leaving the satellite immediately.

In truth, Duo was the slightest bit peeved about Relena claiming Heero for the afternoon, but he knew that she was in a position of influence - a dangerous place to be right now. "Nah," he finally replied with a dismissive wave of one hand. "But that reminds me - Quatre invited us to have dinner with him and Trowa and Sally later tonight."

"I'm sure the meetings will be finished by dinnertime, or at least, Noin will be finished and able to look after Relena again," Heero said, trailing off awkwardly. _And what are you doing tomorrow, Duo?_ He didn't know how to ask that question without asking himself what he was doing tomorrow, what either of them were planning to do with the rest of their lives. The blank slate of a mission-less life felt like a brand new pair of shoes that hadn't been worn in yet. He didn't even know if he _liked_ these new shoes, this new life…

"Heero?" Duo waved a hand in front of the other boy's face with an expression somewhere between amusement and concern, not sure if he'd ever seen Heero space that much before now. _I wish he would tell me what's on his mind._ "Heero?"

"Sorry – what were you saying?" he asked, blinking as his focus snapped back into place.

"The bag? I asked what was in the bag?"

"Oh." Heero rolled over to snatch the brown paper bag off of the floor, reaching to flip on the over-turned but unharmed lamp, and then he dumped the bag upside down, spewing its contents on the sheet between them. "Relena and Noin brought me clothes."

"That's a scary concept," Duo said, reaching to pick up the first item – a pair of plain blue boxer shorts. "Hmm… I guess she doesn't known that you like to go commando?"

Heero snatched them out of his hand with mock annoyance. "Not always, Maxwell," he muttered, turning the fabric over in his hands. "But in spandex, yes…" He reached to pick up a pair of folded blue jeans, shaking them out sharply. "Also sufficient."

Duo snatched up the last item, holding it up in front of him skeptically. "Red? Really?"

Heero shook his head, standing up and sliding the boxers over his hips before reaching to pull the jeans on. "I don't want to wear a color that bright. I'll just keep my green…" Pausing as he watched Duo fiddle with the zipper on the front of the red tank top, he smirked a little. "You could wear it."

Duo's eyes flicked up to Heero's and then he snickered. "But Yuy, what would the Queen think?"

Now Heero chuckled a little, pulling his green tank top over his head and running one hand through his messy dark hair. "Do you really care?"

Duo gave the question a moment of thought, then hugged the red tank top to himself. "Nope. I haven't had a new shirt in years. Literally."

"Time for a change, then?" Heero leaned down to kiss Duo lightly. "I'm going to head down now so I can talk to Noin before the service, but I'll find you before it begins, okay?"

"Right…" Duo said, closing his eyes with a soft smile as Heero pulled away, straightened up and headed for the door. "See you there."

Once the door had closed behind Heero, Duo slid out of bed and padded into the bathroom, holding the red shirt up in front of him curiously. _The Priest, Maxell's Demon, God of Death… is it time to retire that persona?_ Pulling the shirt on over his head, he yanked the zipper up and down several times before settling it somewhere in the middle. There was a brush in the cabinet under the sink, and Duo took his time for the first time in awhile, brushing his hair from ends to roots before braiding it carefully. It took him only a moment to throw on his pants and boots, and then he sat on the end of the bed, pulling out a worn and slightly torn envelope from the interior pocket of his old shirt. He didn't bother with the photograph or the small, carved piece of wood inside, but reached past them to pluck at the oldest object with two fingers, holding it up in front of his eyes.

The tiny gold cross glittered in the shaft of light coming from the lamp and Duo stared at it hard for a moment before reaching to fasten it around his neck, the chain barely visible where the red shirt split open. _I've kept my promise, Sister Helen._ Slipping the envelope into the back pocket of his pants, Duo rose from the bed and left the room, heading in the direction of the general flow of traffic, certain that almost everyone would be attending the memorial service.

_o/~ So try a little kindness_

_Cause it shouldn't be that hard ~/o_

Duo hadn't really been expecting much besides a large room of sad people, so when he first entered the hall, he was surprised in more than one way.

The hundreds of white candles that lined the viewports of the room flickered and glittered against their backdrop of stars, a gold hue cast across silver. At the front of the room, on either end of a small stage, two large evergreen trees sat proud and regal, twinkling in tiny white lights. His breath catching in his throat, Duo weaved through the crowd of people as quickly as he could until he was standing beside the tree, reaching out to squeeze one silver-backed needle between his two fingers as he closed his eyes, breathing in the familiar Frasier fir scent.

_Maxwell Church always had a real tree too. _Tears sprung to the corners of Duo's eyes and he was grateful that no one was paying any attention to him – that he had this moment for himself alone. _How could I not know it was Christmas? How? How much has the war warped my sense of time passing? The war is over and it's Christmas._

Turning back to face the crowd, Duo suddenly realized the level of noise around him. Despite the occasion, there was a lively buzz in the room – even the occasional sound of laughter. The group gathered at the satellite this Christmas Day wasn't here just to mourn those they'd lost – but also to celebrate their achievement.

_Peace on Earth. And what a day for it._

Duo lifted his eyes to the star at the top of the tree, a soft smile creeping onto his face, turning as he heard his name being called loudly.

"Duo! Oh, I'm so glad you're still here! For a moment, I thought…" Quatre was still limping slightly, but he greeted his friend with bright eyes and a wide smile. "Merry Christmas! I like the red! It really suits you!"

"Merry Christmas." Duo couldn't help the momentary blush, but he covered it up by diving forward to give his friend an impulsive hug, talking into his ear so he wouldn't have to yell over the noise. "I hope you're not mad about the champagne and have I mentioned that I'm really glad you're not dead?"

Quatre laughed a little, always surprised at the way Duo chose to phrase things. "The feeling is mutual, I promise," he returned sincerely, squeezing Duo back before they parted. "Have you seen Trowa? He was… still in my room when I fell asleep last night, but gone before I woke up."

"No, I haven't seen him," Duo shook his head. "But Heero is in here somewhere – said he'd find me before it started."

"May I have your attention?" a voice suddenly came over the loudspeaker system, and the two boys turned to see Lady Une standing at the microphone. "Would everyone please find a seat? The service is about to begin."

"Let's sit right here," Duo said to Quatre, gesturing to a group of empty seats just beside the Christmas tree. As the crowd began to shuffle into the rows of chairs, Heero appeared behind Duo and Quatre, nodding politely to the blond before taking the seat on the other side of Duo.

"Heero, have you seen Trowa?" Quatre leaned over Duo a little so that the other boy could hear him.

Heero shook his head, scanning the room as people began to take their seats. "I've been talking to Noin, but – back there, in the corner – isn't that him?"

Quatre whirled around to search in the direction Heero indicated, his eyes landing immediately on the green-eyed boy, who was arm in arm with… "Catherine?" Quatre murmured in confusion.

"Hey, Trowa!" Duo yelled, waving at their friend. "Over here!"

"This is my sister, Catherine," Trowa introduced her politely to the group as he took the seat beside Quatre and Catherine sat down beside him. "Catherine, have you met… oh, wait… you've met all of them already." Trowa bit his lip, glancing back at Catherine, a bit embarrassed. "Sorry, Sis… sometimes it takes a moment for my memory to kick in."

Catherine chuckled a little, placing a gentle hand on Trowa's shoulder as she leaned in to greet the others. "It's good to see all of you alive and well," she said sincerely. "Trowa's already told me how much he owes to all of you, so I give you my thanks as well. And also, a Merry Christmas to those of you who might celebrate it."

"Catherine came to the satellite as soon as she heard that we were here," Trowa explained, smiling at her warmly.

"It's good to see you again, Catherine," Heero spoke up, leaning forward so that he could see her face. He knew that Trowa's sister hadn't ever been happy with her brother's decision to fight, but he hoped she would let it go now that the war was over.

"Thank you, ladies and gentlemen," Lady Une's voice rang out clearly as the room quieted. "I asked many great priests and rabbis, monks, shamans and scholars, if they would give this eulogy today, and every one of them declined, calling it too complicated a moment in history to begin to put into words." She paused for a breath, giving the room a lovely smile. "Or maybe some of them were simply afraid – because this IS a momentous day in history. It may be a memorial to those that have left us, but it is also a commemoration of their efforts, our efforts."

Duo and Heero glanced at each other, reaching slowly until their hands met, fingers intertwining, tucked between their knees.

"Shakespeare once wrote: 'All that lives must die, passing through nature to eternity.' He was right. For all that is chaotic in this world, one thing is certain – our lives are short. Death is certain, but never when, and each of the people that gave their lives to this cause have passed into eternity with a badge of heroism on their chest, no matter the side they fought on. Each of these people contributed to this peace, and even as I mourn their passing, I celebrate their victory. "

Lady Une paused again to collect herself, taking a deep breath. _I won't cry, Treize. I'll be your strong and beautiful Lady._ "On behalf of my dear friend Treize Khushrenada, I would offer you these last words from Samuel Butler, before we begin the many blessings from around the world… and space. Before each of you has a chance to give your own thoughts. Butler wrote: 'To die completely, a person must not only forget, but be forgotten, and he who is not forgotten is not dead.' Never forget the events we have all witnessed together and our friends and loved ones will never truly die."

Duo watched quietly as a line formed, some religious figures offering prayers in multitudes of languages and traditions, others civilians saying farewell to a loved one. Each statement was unique and heartfelt, and the entire room remained remarkably silent until everyone in the room who wanted to speak had spoken. The pilots glanced at each other, but everyone remained seated until it was over. It had grown warm and Duo had almost nodded off, his head drooping onto Heero's shoulder, when the noise in the room finally picked up again. "How long has it been?" he mumbled, rubbing at one eye.

"A little over three hours," Heero answered, standing up as he saw Relena heading towards them. "I have to go now, but I'll see you later, okay?" He squeezed Duo's hand once before disappearing into the crowd and Duo lost sight of him once he realized that Trowa and Catherine were leaving too."

"We're going to go have lunch and catch up," Trowa was saying as they all got to their feet.

"But you'll still meet us for dinner later, right?" Quatre said, not quite able to keep the touch of anxiety out of his voice. "To discuss plans?"

"Right, dinner," Trowa said with a nod, not paying much attention to the bothered expression on Catherine's face. "I'll see you then."

"I guess it's just you and me," Duo said cheerfully, noticing quickly that Quatre seemed momentarily bothered. "Unless you have other plans?" he added, wondering if he was the only one who didn't have anything to do today.

"Well, I…" The truth was that Quatre hadn't thought much about how he was going to spend the day, because he'd been too worried about finding Trowa, afraid that the other boy had already left the satellite. "Umm…" he started slowly, his mind running in circles. It had been so long since he'd thought about anything besides the war, but seeing Catherine with Trowa had made him realize that even though his father was gone, the rest of the family might be wondering how he was doing. "I was thinking of conference-calling some of my sisters, to see how everyone's doing, check up on the family business…" Quatre trailed off as he saw the disappointment in Duo's eyes, despite the smile still plastered on his face. "But you're welcome to tag along, as I'm not sure if any of them will even be available. Then maybe we could have a cup of tea--"

"Lunch," Duo brightened, slinging an arm around Quatre's shouders.

"Lunch," Quatre agreed with a smile as they walked out of the hall together.

Quatre's room turned out to be more of a suite – complete with king-size bed, kitchen, business lounge and entertainment center. "Wow, pretty snazzy," Duo told him as Quatre closed the door behind them, his eyes widening as he looked around.

"Lady Une set it up so that I would be able to handle family business affairs or hold meetings for as long as it takes me to fully recover from my injury," Quatre explained, limping the last two steps to the couch now that Duo had withdrawn his arm and support. "Please, make yourself at home. There's probably food in the cabinets, but since I only received access this morning, I haven't had a chance to look around."

Wiring the first call through the TV, Quatre settled himself on the couch and Duo left him to explore the kitchen, his stomach rumbling in protest of how long it had been since he'd last eaten. Yanking open the refrigerator, he found that it was adequately stocked with bottled water, soda and even orange juice. _No food._ Pulling out a can of soda, he popped it open and start to drink as he reached to open the nearest cabinet. _Jackpot!_ Setting the soda down on the counter, Duo grabbed the jar, unscrewed the lid, dipped a finger in and then stuck it in his mouth with a grin. "Mmm…peanut butter."

Carrying the jar in one hand and the soda in the other, he strolled back into the main room to see how Quatre was doing and almost dropped the peanut butter on his toes. The conference call screen was divided into… Duo set the peanut butter down on the end table next to the couch, pointing as he counted to himself. _14 windows?!_ "You have 14 sisters?!" he asked incredulously, completely interrupting what Quatre had been saying.

Quatre laughed when he saw the look on Duo's face and patted the couch next to him. "I have 29, actually – but the rest are currently unavailable."

"Ooo, Quatre, is this one of the other pilots?"

"Look at the braid, it has to be Duo!"

"Hello, Duo!"

"Your hair is so cute!"

"Congratulations!"

"Thank you!"

Duo continued to stand, wide-eyed and overwhelmed, the voices blending together as all of the sisters addressed him at once. Swallowing the lump of peanut butter in his throat, he reached to scratch the back of his head awkwardly. "Thanks? It's… nice to meet… all of you." Sitting down next to Quatre on the couch, he continued to eat the peanut butter straight out of the jar, listening to the rapid talk going on between the family members. Names of people, places, lists of supplies, productions, projects… Duo had no idea how Quatre could keep track of all of it, especially when it seemed that he was doing so purely by memory. _29…? That seems like a lot of kids for one woman… or maybe it was one man?_

Quatre could sense Duo's curiosity bubbling next to him as he talked to his sisters about the various branches of the family business, trying his best to avoid the topic of his own future plans – of which he had none, yet. He wasn't trying to hide that, either – he just wasn't ready to share his mixed up thoughts with anyone else. As the call ended, he finally turned towards Duo, watching him as he determinedly dug a finger deep into the jar. "Duo… did you really eat the entire jar of peanut butter?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah…why?" Duo raised an eyebrow as he set the now-empty jar down on the floor and resumed drinking his soda.

"Nothing, I just…" Quatre shook his head, wondering how someone so bright could seem to be lacking… common sense? Etiquette? An entire set of skills...? He couldn't think of a better way to describe it.

"You really have 29 sisters?"

Quatre glanced away for a moment, the topic always a bit sensitive for him. "We were all test tube babies," he explained with a small shrug, then changed the topic. "Do you still want lunch?"

"Definitely!" Duo reached across Quatre for the remote and stared at the many buttons. "Is this a phone, a TV or a music player?"

"Yes," Quatre answered with a grin, touching a finger to one button bearing the symbol of a musical note. Instantly, a list of satellite music channels came up and Duo began to scroll through them one by one, bouncing up and down a little in excitement.

"Wow… hey Quatre, I know Trowa mentioned you played the violin? Do you know a lot about music?"

"I play several instruments, actually," Quatre replied, watching as Duo scrolled past various eras of classical music. At the mere mention of music, he felt an ache for how long it had been since he'd gotten a chance to play. _Maybe I don't need to figure out my entire life today. Maybe it's okay to take some time… to get back in touch with myself, with me outside of a war._ "But violin and piano are probably my favorites."

"Teach me?" Duo still had the remote in his hand, pointed at the screen, but then he turned to Quatre with suddenly glassy eyes, an almost desperate look on his face. "I… I used to sing a little, at the church, back when I was a kid, but I always wanted… never had…" He stopped speaking abruptly, shrugging to hide the sudden burst of emotion as he turned back to the TV and hit the enter button on a station of classic rock. "I'd play anything, given the chance. Learn anything… Do anything…. Go anywhere…"

"Duo…" Quatre murmured softly, suddenly unsure of what to say. He'd already noticed that his friend tended to store things up and then burst them out at random intervals, but it wasn't often that he gave away any true detail about his past or revealed some of those darker emotions. It made Quatre wonder just what his life had been like, growing up mostly on the streets, not having much. It made him suddenly even more grateful that they were sitting here now, together, at the dawn of a new era, with every opportunity to chase those dreams. "I wonder if there's a piano anywhere on this satellite…"

Duo grinned, really glad that Quatre hadn't pressed him about anything he'd said, but also feeling they were even now, his own past for Quatre's sharing of his past. Reaching to grab the blond's hand, he pulled him carefully off the couch and looped an arm around his shoulders again. "I'm game if you are – but first – lunch!"

_o/~ You're shining in the darkness_

_When you open up your heart ~/o_

*******

Heero eyed the quickly filling room, a half circle in stadium-style with rows of seats arching up towards the ceiling, debating about the best place to position himself during Relena's speech. He hadn't realized upon agreeing earlier that morning that Relena wasn't simply attending the summit – she was opening it and sitting on stage the entire time. He wished he'd had more time to plan and wondered why he hadn't simply asked Duo to come with him to help, but it was too late now. _The security is really more than one person could handle…_ _and that's just for Relena. Really, it would have been far easier to have one neutral security team for everyone – but no one trusts anyone else's military entirely right now._ The sides of the stage were being secured by a few of Lady Une's personal force and Heero finally decided that the best place would be in the back, off to the side – somewhere that he could see the entire room, but also easily move from one side to another.

Climbing up the stairs, he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned casually against one of the back walls, waiting as the room quieted and various introductions were made. Then, before any argument between the parties could begin, Relena stood up and walked the few steps to the microphone, taking the time to look out over her audience, waiting for complete silence before she began to speak, slow and even, but with great clarity and strength. The microphone only amplified a voice that would have already carried across the entire room and the very first word, in a language Heero hadn't heard in a long time, grabbed his attention immediately. Her eyes were locked on his, and then they darted away.

"Heiwa. Salam. Fred. Shantih. He Ping. Mir. Vrede. Ashtee. Paix. Frieden. Sith. Irini. Pace. Shalom. Pax."

She paused for a heartbeat, letting the words sink in before she continued. "To me, the word peace, in any language… sounds the same. It sounds, to me, like hope."

Heero watched as the room full of people shuffled, murmured and glanced at each other and he found himself impressed by how quickly she'd gotten under people's skin.

"Hope is really all that any of us had left in our hearts yesterday - the end of the proverbial Pandora's box - but when everyone is hoping for the same thing; look!" And here she stretched her hand out, gesturing to the room in a wide sweep. "Here is a room full of the leaders of the free world, meeting for the first time as one collective, for the benefit of the greater good. Everyone has agreed to put down their weapons. This is the root, the heart, of total pacifism." Her eyes flickered back in Heero's direction. "It requires mutual trust. Today, we all begin a new journey together. At times it will be difficult, without a doubt – but there will also be compassion, unity, joy… and ultimately, it will take the best of all of us not to fall back into the traps of a war-making society…"

Relena's words soothed the agitated minds of many in the room before several important Earth and Colony leaders, among them Lady Une, some other former OZ and Alliance leaders and representatives of the colony delegation, filed onto the stage to sit at a long table. The formation of the Earth Sphere United Nation was passed almost immediately, and the involved parties, with input from other diplomats and leaders in the room, began to outline a basic structure for what would be common law for all and what would be left to individual countries and colonies. It was largely tedious to Heero, and even though Relena was right in the thick of the dialogue, making suggestions and sharing ideas, he found his attention drifting, wandering around the room as groups of people started to section off a bit, talking amongst themselves about the proceedings.

Heero wasn't even sure why he'd been looking in the direction he was looking when he caught the flash of metal out of the corner of his eye, but he reacted purely on instinct, walking swiftly across the room and down a couple of stairs to interrupt a heated conversation.

"How can you think to ask for money to rebuild a country that laid waste to so many others?" hissed the young man with fair hair.

"This from the mouth of people who sent war machines to ravage the Earth!" argued the older gentleman with glasses.

Heero flinched inwardly at the words even as he stepped between the two men, deftly and suddenly flipping the small pocketknife away from the blond and into his own grasp. Catching note of a White Fang tattoo peeking out from under the sleeve of his shirt, he spoke in a low and steely voice, not intending anyone but the two to hear. "It would be wise to walk away from this conversation and take some time to consider your actions."

The older man backed away a step in alarm, having realized that Heero had probably just saved his life. "He tried to KILL ME!" he bellowed, pointing at the blond and drawing all eyes in the room towards them.

"Calm down," Heero said evenly, but as he tried to take a reassuring step towards the frightened man, the blond moved to punch him, still intent on causing harm despite the fact that the entire room was now watching. Heero's reflexes were far faster than average, so he had no trouble catching the punch and twisting the young man's arm behind his back until he yelped in pain, calling out loudly to the room. "The situation is under control. One man had a concealed knife, but it's been recovered and no one was injured."

Lady Une moved quickly to the microphone, gesturing to several of her guards as Relena jumped up from her seat, staring at Heero with an expression of surprise. "Please detain both men."

The other leaders formed a tight ring around the three and Heero held the cussing and spitting young man in place until lady Une's guards reached them, then he followed them down the stairs and out the door, where they were met by several other former OZ officers. "Lady Une has requested we detain the two men and asked to speak with you after the meeting."

"Of course," Heero said, transferring hold of his captive. The older gentleman had been escorted ahead of Heero, but he stopped and turned back to address him.

"Thank you, young man, for potentially saving my life. I know I let my temper get the better of me back there, but I never intended to do any physical harm…" He held up two hands and shook them a little. "They can search me! If the time lost in detainment is the price I have to pay to learn a valuable lesson today, then so be it." He held out his hand and Heero shook it unhesitatingly.

"I hope you'll consider the speech you heard earlier today before letting someone provoke you again," he responded. "I know you weren't the one with the knife and I'll be sure to tell Lady Une when I speak with her later."

"Most grateful."

Nodding to the guards, Heero returned to the conference room, hoping that no one would notice him, and thankfully, the conversation had moved on to other topics and another heated debate was already in motion. He resumed his prior position in the back of the room, but the events had left him wondering just how much he should say in that meeting with Lady Une. He didn't want to rain on Relena's idealism or the newly formed government, but even in a place that was supposed to be full of peaceful leaders, someone had gotten angry and pulled a knife. What was to say that in a world of peaceful nations, one country wouldn't quarrel with another and decide to pull a mobile suit or a bomb? _There needs to be something in place, something to check those situations – something to stomp out sparks before they become fires._

Heero caught Relena's eyes above the heads of some of the diplomats and she mouthed a large "Thank You" at him, followed by her most charming 'I'm-so-sorry-I-dragged-you-into-this-but-not-really' smiles.

_And it can't always be me._

_o/~ You've gotta keep on giving to one another_

_Cause it's all gonna happen again ~/o_

*******

_o/~ Why don't you try a little kindness_

_Cause it shouldn't be that hard ~/o_

It had taken almost two hours, being passed from one department to another within the administrative offices that were already jumbled due to the new government forming, but one Mr. Winner had finally acquired the only piano on the satellite, and even though he felt a touch guilty about it, had had it delivered straight to his room.

"Are you sure this will fit through the door?" one of the men rolling it through the corridors asked once they arrived.

"Certain," Quatre said, walking around the baby grand to check the size. "But please be very careful with it."

Duo stood back a bit, watching the chaos as the group of men slowly maneuvered it through the narrow door, realizing just how much weight Quatre's family name carried to pull off something like this with everything else that was going on around the satellite today. Taking a seat on the couch as Quatre thanked the group and closed the door behind them, Duo watched as his friend walked slowly over to the piano and ran his fingers lightly over the keys. Realizing that Duo was watching him, Quatre straightened a little, smiling. "It's been a very long time. Not since I was in Sanc."

"I can't believe they really had one on the satellite," Duo grinned. "Go on, play something."

"But you wanted me to--"

"Quatre." Duo tried to make his gaze look stern, but he was too excited and couldn't keep the glimmer out of his eyes. "Play."

With a swift nod, Quatre slid onto the bench, curling and uncurling his fingers as he debated, then he began to play.

To say that Duo was mesmerized would have been an understatement in his own opinion, and he was frozen, his eyes glued to Quatre's hands as they flew up and down the keyboard, never fumbling at all, despite how long it had been since he'd last played. "So, uh…" Duo started after the piece was finished. "What was that? And how long did it take you to learn it?"

Quatre patted the bench beside him as an offer for Duo to join him. "Beethoven sonata, commonly called _Pathetique_ and that particularly piece… a couple of months, back when I had time and access to play almost every day. But I've been playing since I was three."

"Three?!" Duo's eyes widened as he sat down beside Quatre and stared at the keyboard. _I don't even know where I was living when I was three…_ "So if I started today and played every day, I might be half as good as you by the time I'm… twenty-seven?"

"You never know," Quatre said, reaching over to take one of Duo's hands in his own. "Maybe you have a natural gift and you never knew about it – you said that you sing?"

"Sang. Used to sing," Duo said, as Quatre held Duo's hand up beside his own.

"We call the thumb finger one, the pointer two, the middle three, the ring four and the pinky five." Quatre let go of Duo's hand and held up both of his own, wiggling each in succession. "One two three four five."

"Heh, okay…" Duo chuckled, wiggling his fingers in imitation.

"You see the pattern of the keys? Two black, three black?" Quatre pointed to the keys and then played a scale that started on one note, then repeated, over and over until he ran out of keys, stretching across Duo to reach the end. "The pattern repeats sound-wise, too."

"Do I have to remember all of this?"

"Duo!" Quatre laughed with a shake of his head. "These sorts of things will end up being automatic knowledge, something you won't even need to think about--"

"If you say so."

"I do." With just his right hand, Quatre placed five fingers on the keys C, D, E, F and G. "I'm going to play these keys one by one, one key for one finger, up, then down. Watch and listen, and then you can try."

Duo watched him carefully, but as soon as Quatre took his hand off of the piano, Duo was lost again. "Wait, where do I start?"

"Every set of two black keys – just to the left is C. Find a C. Any C."

Duo picked one of the C's near the top of the piano, just in front of where he was sitting, and then carefully placed each finger in the right place. "Start with thumb…" he mumbled to himself as he slowly played up, then down. "Like this?"

"Excellent! Beginners don't normally have such strength and dexterity in their fingers," Quatre praised him. "Your playing was very even."

"Quatre… I have a lot of dexterity - I _am_ a Gundam pilot," Duo teased him, elbowing his friend lightly in the side that didn't still have stitches.

"I never thought of it that way," Quatre grinned. "But if that's so, then I'm expecting great things from you. I haven't had a duet partner in years and Trowa doesn't play piano."

"That's a lot of pressure," Duo mock-complained with a pout.

Grabbing Duo's hand and placing it back on the piano, Quatre snickered a little. "Then we better get back to work."

_o/~ Just think about what binds us_

_And find a new place to start ~/o_

Duo and Quatre were in high spirits by the time dinner rolled around, and they walked arm-in-arm, for Quatre's benefit, to the satellite's dining hall, as Quatre narrated bits and pieces of classical music history about some of the pieces he'd played for Duo that afternoon. "So you're telling me that if I really learn to play piano, it'll make playing other instruments easier?"

"In some ways, yes," Quatre nodded seriously. "Once you know how to read music, it's the same, more or less, for any other instrument. The actual playing techniques still differ, but have similarities within families of instruments."

"Ah…. right," Duo laughed, knowing that if he asked, Quatre would break that idea down into even smaller pieces and explain further. Even though he didn't know a lot about music, Quatre was a gentle, but demanding teacher, and even though he was patient with Duo, he had a tendency to ramble to the point that Duo didn't really have any idea what he was talking about – but hopefully, soon he would. As they reached the hall, they saw Trowa waiting outside for them, and Duo sensed Quatre reign himself in a little and wondered why. "Hey, Trowa!" he called, waving.

"Hey, Duo… Quatre…" he started, looking oddly uncomfortable. "I… can't really stay for dinner, but I didn't want to not show up, so…"

"What?" Quatre cut him off, failing to cover the hurt expression on his face.

Looking from Quatre's paling face to Trowa's shuffling feet, Duo decided to excuse himself. "I'm going to head inside and see if Sally's here yet – s'not polite to keep a lady waiting, right?"

"Thanks, Duo," Quatre said stiffly, nodding to his friend before gesturing to Trowa, who hesitated for a moment before following Quatre down a corridor and away from the entrance to the hall. He wanted to say a hundred different things to Trowa right now, but they were all completely jumbled in his mind.

"Quatre?" Trowa finally asked gently, very aware of the expression that his friend was trying to conceal. "It's not my intention to hurt you. It's just that--"

"Did I say I was hurt?" Quatre huffed a little, lifting his chin and taking a deep breath. "I just want to know why…" _Why you left this morning without saying anything to me, without even waking me? Why you let me think you'd left without saying goodbye? Why you're leaving now?_ But it had been kind of Trowa to stay with him at all and he didn't want to sound ungrateful. "Why you can't come to dinner?"

Trowa faltered for a moment, weighing the decision. He hadn't been expecting Catherine to show up so suddenly, so soon… but she was his sister, the only family he had. He'd gone to meet her immediately, not realizing that she hadn't come to see him, but to bring him home. The war was over, she'd argued to him, so what reason was there not to return to the circus with her? He couldn't give her a reason. So he hadn't been able to say no. _But how do I explain to Quatre? I get the feeling he doesn't want any of us to part ways. _"I… I'm leaving tonight."

Quatre dug his nails into his palm as he forced a smile. _Ever since he told Dorothy that he had a home to return to, I'd wondered… _ "That's… great, Trowa," he said, feeling his spirits deflate a little more. "It's… great that you…that you have a home waiting for you. I guess… I'll tell Sally exactly that – you're going home. I assume you're taking Heavy Arms with you? There hasn't been any decision yet about the mobile suits, so I – I think it's best we continue to look after them and make sure they don't fall into the wrong hands."

The words spilling out of Quatre's mouth sounded positive and the smile on his face was bright, but something in the sentiment rang insincere to Trowa and he reached out to touch Quatre's shoulder lightly. "Quatre… we'll see each other again. It's not like this is… goodbye forever. You can come see me at the circus anytime you want and… and we can write, too, if you want. You have an inter-colony mail address?"

"ICM, of course," Quatre nodded, his stomach beginning to twist into knots. It felt too soon - the idea that his friends might all go their separate ways so quickly made his heart ache painfully. He could not let go of the moment of connection he and Trowa had shared inside Sandrock. _Was I foolish to think there was something more between us?_ "I'm… never hard to find."

The two boys stood and stared at each other awkwardly for a moment until Trowa slid the hand on Quatre's shoulder around him to pull him into a loose hug. "Please take care of yourself."

"You too…" Quatre barely managed to get out, hugging Trowa back. "Be careful on your way – there may be a ceasefire, but space isn't 100% safe yet."

Trowa nodded and turned to go, but he hadn't taken more than half a dozen steps before he heard Quatre call out his name in a tight and strangled voice.

"Trowa!" Quatre ran the few steps between them, reaching up to take Trowa's face between his hands, and he stared into startled emerald eyes for a moment before leaning up to kiss him. It was far more impulsive than he ever usually was, but when Trowa returned the kiss, it suddenly felt like not all hope had been lost. Trowa's mouth opened against his and Quatre allowed himself to indulge blissfully for a moment before pulling away, stepping backwards towards the door to the dining hall. _I couldn't let him leave without making my feelings a little more clear._

Quatre's smile seemed more genuine now, and he looked a little angelic, standing in the doorway with all of the holiday greenery surrounding him. Trowa's heart hammered loudly in his ears. _One kiss and I've all but changed my mind._ "Merry Christmas, Quatre…"

_It wouldn't be fair to ask him to stay… not when Catherine is waiting for him._ "Merry Christmas, Trowa," he replied, ducking inside the dining hall before he could change his mind. Duo caught sight of him immediately and waved.

"What happened to Trowa?" Duo asked once Quatre had reached their table, catching the mixed emotions in his friend's eyes.

"He's… going home," Quatre said as he slid into the seat next to Duo and reached to unfold his napkin, placing it gently on his lap. "To the circus, with Catherine."

"I can't say that I didn't expect that," Sally nodded thoughtfully, drumming several fingers against the tabletop. "So that's two down."

"Two?" Duo asked, raising an eyebrow in surprise. "I did tell Heero to come – I bet the conference ran late."

"Actually, I just saw some of the leaders start to filter in," Sally said, pointing across the room. "But that's not what I meant. I was talking about Wu Fei."

Duo stirred the ice in his soda with the straw, shrugging lightly. _If the conference is over, where is Heero?_ "I haven't seen Wu Fei. I'm not even sure he landed on the satellite."

"Oh, he landed," Sally said brusquely as their overly-busy waiter finally brought some plates to the table. With such an unusually large crowd, the kitchens of the satellite had become an enormous buffet line that ran the length of the room, and the atmosphere almost felt like a large, but low-key party with an incessant buzz of chatter in the room. "The logs clearly say that he landed… and took off again mere hours later."

"He didn't even say goodbye to any of us," Duo said regretfully. _Heero wouldn't do that… he wouldn't just disappear on us. He's helping Relena._ Duo continued to try and convince himself that everything was fine, but when they had already waited in the buffet line and made it back to their table and there was still no sign of Heero, he began to worry. While they ate, the talk was light and mostly focused on the memorial service earlier that day, but as the plates were being cleared, Sally's demeanor turned more serious.

"Well, even if it's just the three of us, I can still share my ideas," she started, folding her hands together on the tabletop and leaning forward. "There's obviously a lot of work to be done now that the war is over, but I don't have much interest in being part of the new military. I think I can be of better use coordinating something else."

"It sounds like you have something in mind?" Quatre asked her.

"I do," she nodded. "It's going to take the government awhile to get up and running, hopefully weeks and not months, but once they do, I'm going to work with Lady Une on establishing a department for the clean-up of space."

"That's a wonderful idea!"

"Yeah," Duo agreed with a smile. "I don't think anyone wants to look out the viewports and be constantly reminded of the devastation."

"Then I can count you two in?" she grinned, letting a touch of her enthusiasm for the idea show.

"I don't know that I want to have any official position or ties to the new government," Quatre started slowly. "But with my family owning the majority of the resource satellites, it makes sense to partner with the government to assist in the project. Sally, if you'll act as the liaison?"

"Absolutely! And you, Duo?"

"Umm… I…" It was the first time that anyone had asked him directly about his plans now that the war was over, and he realized he hadn't even spent a lot of time thinking about it. He wanted to talk to Heero about it, but he hadn't found the opportunity yet. "It's definitely a possibility," he finally offered. "I can't see why I wouldn't be able to help out, at least a little."

"I appreciate even the consideration," Sally nodded. "And as I said, we all should have a few weeks before the project even gets underway, so you've got some time to think about it."

Duo and Quatre left the dining hall together after they had finished talking with Sally and as they walked back towards their rooms, Duo couldn't help but try to pry a little more information out of his friend. He'd noticed the awkwardness with Trowa earlier and was definitely convinced that there was something going on that he didn't know about. "So… feels weird that everyone's going off on new adventures, huh? Or just… home…"

"Yes…" Quatre responded slowly, a bit lost in thought. He definitely wanted to be part of Sally's project, but even with that on the horizon, there was still a bit gaping hole of time between now and then and he didn't know what to do with it. "Our paths intersected to bring peace to everyone, but… maybe they're now parting." _And maybe there's nothing I can do to stop it. Or is there? _

"Maybe…" The sentiment made Duo's steps falter a little. "Hey, I'm gonna go look for Heero, okay?"

"Wait, Duo!" Quatre said, touching the other boy's arm as he turned to walk towards his own room. "I was thinking… if we've got a couple of weeks before Sally needs us, I need to go to Earth with the Maguanacs to check on things there, then my sisters asked me to check on a few things and--"

Duo tilted his head with an amused smile. "What are you trying to ask me, Quatre?"

"I thought we could also return to Africa and see how the village repairs are holding up…"

"Wow, I… I did tell them I'd be back…" Duo's eyes widened in surprise, a little excited when he thought of the boy he'd befriended, Bem, and all of the other children in the village, the beautiful scenery, his favorite waterfall... _But I never thought I'd get the opportunity to go back so soon._ "That's… wow, Quat – that would be really fucking cool."

Quatre laughed a little, glad that the offer had pleased Duo. It was something he wanted to do, and since they had the time… _But I can admit to myself that I'm not ready to let go of my friends just yet and I think Duo feels the same way._ "I just thought… if you didn't have anything else you wanted to do."

"I…" Duo faltered for a moment, thinking of Heero. _I don't have any idea what he's doing or if he'd want to come._ "Well, I won't make any promises just yet…"

"It's okay, Duo," Quatre smiled. "I'm glad that I'm not the only one feeling… "

"Drifting," Duo supplied as they stopped in front of Quatre's door. "We're all cut loose… but I'm sure we'll all find our ways."

Walking back to the room he'd stayed in with Heero last night, Duo found himself alone for the longest stretch since earlier that morning, only his thoughts were definitely more unsettled now. He could tell that Quatre was upset about Trowa returning to the circus, but he obviously wasn't ready to talk about it. _And what about me? Am I just waiting to find out what Heero's doing? I couldn't even really commit to Sally because… my heart is being tugged in another direction. Maybe I should just tell Heero how I feel – invite him to work on the project with us._

Inside the room, Duo flopped down on the end of the bed and turned on the TV, noting with relief that Heero's usual duffel bag was still sitting on the floor next to the bed. Most of the stations were re-airing the live footage from the memorial this morning, or snippets from various meetings. He paused when Relena's face appeared on the screen, his mood souring further, but then the news ticker underneath her surprised him. "Knife? Someone pulled a knife at the peace talks?" The camera switched from the reporter to footage from the conference, and there was Heero, smack in the middle of some sort of altercation, his face obscured by the man he had pinned.

"Duo!" The door to the room swished opened and Heero stepped in, a relieved look on his face. "I'm really glad you're here. I tried to catch you at dinner, but I must have just missed you."

"I saw what happened," Duo said, pointing to the TV. "Someone really pulled a knife?!"

"Yeah," Heero said, coming to sit down beside Duo on the bed. "I met with Lady Une after the conference ended – that's why I missed dinner. What did Sally want to talk about?"

Duo took a moment to explain about Sally and Quatre's plans to clean up space as well as Trowa's departure, all the while wondering about the meeting with Lady Une. "So we don't have to decide immediately, but I know they'd welcome our help."

"I think it's a great project…" Heero started with a nod as Duo finally clicked the TV off.

"I sense a 'but'," Duo turned to him curiously. He'd been about to ask about Africa, but if Heero was going to open up and share what was on his mind, it could wait.

"After the conference, I sat down and spoke with Lady Une and… I didn't exactly commit myself to anything, but I think they could use my help. What happened today… it could happen again. It could escalate. It could threaten the peace--"

"Don't," Duo said with a swift shake of his head. "I don't even want to think about that possibility." _It doesn't even matter what project we choose – there's so much that needs to be done that I don't think either of us could just walk away. I don't know how Trowa and Wu Fei did._ "I can tell that you want to help – so what are you gonna do?"

Heero had been thinking all afternoon long about asking Duo to come with him, to follow Relena to whatever diplomatic functions necessary – to ensure her safety as well as the safety of all of the other people working towards a lasting peace. But now it sounded as if Quatre and Duo already had other plans with Sally and he didn't know what to make of it. "I… I tentatively told Lady Une that I would help her draw up some plans for a universal defense force – not a military, per se… more of a…"

"Peace-enforcing group?" Duo supplied, knowing that sounded awkward. "It's a solid idea, whatever you want to call it. Yours?"

"Yes, but Lady Une told me that Noin had already approached her about something similar, so I want to try and catch Noin and talk to her before everyone turns in for the night."

"Well, then what are you waiting for?"

"I…I'm not," Heero started with a shake of his head. "I just…" _Didn't want you to worry…_ "Wanted to apologize for missing dinner."

"No apology necessary," Duo said seriously. "It's not like you didn't have a damn good reason."

Heero cracked a smile at this, surprised at how relieved he felt that Duo wasn't upset at him. "Well, I guess I'm going to go talk to Noin, if I can find her, but I'll be back after that."

Duo nodded as Heero rose from the bed and took a step towards the door, but then he reached out to grab the other boy's wrist, stopping him mid-step. "Heero, just so you know… whatever you decide to do, even if we're doing different things… I… I'm not going anywhere."

Duo's words made Heero's chest feel tight as he turned back sharply to meet Duo's gaze. _When he says things like that… it just makes me realize how much I… it just makes me want to…_ With one step forward, Heero turned his wrist in Duo's grasp, pulling the other boy in close to kiss him, enjoying how Duo melted against him almost instantly. "I'm not either," he said softly against Duo's lips after breaking the kiss. "Even if we go and do these different things, I still… we…"

"I know," Duo smiled, then playfully pushed Heero away from him. "Go do what you need to do before I change my mind and decide to pull you back onto this bed."

Heero smirked as he walked to the door, tossing one of his usual quips back over his shoulder. "It wouldn't take much to persuade me."

_o/~ Your love is all, we need_

_To bring us together_

_Don't you leave it to me_

_Nothing's for free_

_It comes down to us ~/o_

*******

When knocking on Noin's door received no response, Heero debated only a moment before deciding to try Relena's next. It opened almost immediately and she blinked at him in obvious surprise, still wearing all of her formal attire from the day's meetings. He thought it suited her far better than her usual somewhat childish ensemble. "Relena."

"Heero?"

"Do you mind if I come in for a moment?"

"No, not at all," she said, stepping aside to let him enter the room and closing the door behind him.

"Do you know where Noin is?"

"No, but I did see her at dinner and she told me that if I saw you, I should tell you that she spoke with Lady Une about today's events and that she agrees with your suggestions. But she didn't have time to explain to me what was going on…" Relena trailed off and gestured to the couch in the center of the room. "Do you want to sit?"

"Thank you, but no," Heero said politely, leaning against the wall beside the door. "I recommended to Lady Une that a neutral defense force be created to… deal with potential problems – but I can talk to Noin about it tomorrow, if you don't know when she'll be back."

Relena frowned, not sure what she thought of the idea itself or the fact that Noin and Lady Une seemed to agree with Heero. A force of any kind, even for defense, meant weapons, and she was firmly against such a thing. "But we're leaving for Earth early in the morning for another set of conferences regarding the candidates that may run for office."

Heero was quiet for a moment, weighing the decision in his mind. _Duo already has plans with Sally and Quatre._ _It's not forever… just until I can help Noin and Lady Une establish this new team… and I can watch out for Relena until it's settled. _"Then I'm going to come with you," he said firmly.

"Heero!" Relena exclaimed, her face lighting up as she threw her arms around his neck. "Really? I had thought, after today… but you really do care, don't you?"

When he felt her turn her face to nuzzle into him, he quickly stepped back, pushing her away. "Relena… I'm going to be very blunt with you right now, and when I'm finished, you can either accept it or turn me down."

Relena clasped her hands over her heart, fairly beaming at him. "Yes?"

"I do care. And I do want to continue to protect you – and everyone – wherever it is you need to go, for now, while I work with Noin on establishing this defense force. But, if I agree to do this…" He paused, realizing how harsh he sounded, what she seemed to want him to say, and tried to find a way to soften the blow. "Then there's not going to be any 'you and me'. I can't possibly complicate this situation further if I'm acting as your bodyguard and if you can't accept that, then you'll have to find someone else."

Relena was quiet for a long moment as she studied Heero's face, trying to figure out what he wasn't telling her. "I can abide by that – for now," she said slowly. _After all, once he agrees, I'll have plenty of time to change his mind._

"Not for now – for good," he shook his head firmly.

Relena sighed dramatically and stuck out her hand. "Fine, Heero – I agree. We'll keep things platonic – but we _are_ friends, yes?"

For a moment, Heero saw just the smallest glimpse of insecurity ruffle her usually confident attitude, and he decided he could concede her at least this small bit. "Yes, friends," he agreed, reaching out to take her hand and squeeze it once. "Count me in your travel plans and make sure Noin knows that I'm bringing Wing Zero with me."

Relena huffed a little at that, but she could tell that there wasn't any arguing with Heero on that point. "I will. We're leaving at 9 AM satellite time and our destination is Belgium."

"Understood," he nodded, turning to leave.

"Heero…" she started as the door slid open. "Thank you."

Heero let the door close behind him, hoping he really had made himself clear to her, and headed back to his own room. _It's fine… I can help out Noin and Lady Une while Duo helps out Quatre and Sally…and then, maybe… _

Inside their room, Duo was sprawled diagonally across the bed, still fully clothed, his eyes closed and his breathing slow and even. The remote to the TV was still clutched in his hand and classical music – probably Mozart, Heero thought – tinkled delicately out of the speakers.

All Heero wanted to do was climb into that bed, lay his head on Duo's shoulder and fall asleep. The thought that they wouldn't be together like this tomorrow burned at the edges of Heero's thoughts as he kicked his sneakers off and sat down on the edge of the bed. Reaching out, he curled one hand around the end of Duo's braid, watching him sleep. _Have I really made the right decision?_ For once, Heero felt decidedly uncertain.

_o/~ We're not indestructible_

_Some kind of miracle_

_Happens every day ~/o_

*******

When sharp knocking on the door woke Duo suddenly for the second morning in a row, he groaned softly and rolled over, searching for a pillow to block out the noise. As he cracked one eye open, he realized that the light in the room was on and Heero was sitting on the edge of the bed, tying his sneaker. Rising to answer the door, it was obvious he didn't know Duo was awake, because he kept his voice too hushed to hear and the door closed again not long after.

"Heero?" Duo said, sitting up in bed to realize that he was still fully clothed. "What time is it?"

"About 8 AM," he said as he came back to sit down on the bed next to Duo and angled himself so that they were facing. "You were already asleep when I returned last night and I didn't want to wake you."

Duo wasn't quite awake yet now and he yawned as he rubbed at one eye. "Sorry – who was at the door? What happened with Noin? You're dressed already?"

"I didn't get a chance to talk to Noin because she was tied up in meetings, and she and Relena are going to Earth this morning for more. That was her at the door."

"Oh wow, I guess things are moving right along?" There was a long moment of silence where Duo stared at Heero expectantly, feeling as if he already knew what was coming.

"I'm going to go with them."

Duo nodded slowly, afraid that if he opened his mouth, he'd have no control over what came out.

"It'll be faster, if Noin and I can work on this around all the meetings – and we'll be able to make sure what happened yesterday doesn't happen again."

"I…" Duo started awkwardly. _Should I invite myself along? I don't actually want to be part of this new defense thing – it's not for me._ "I think what you're doing is a great thing."

Heero wasn't sure whether that was the whole truth, but he'd already made up his mind, and it seemed that Duo had too. _Then why does it feel so strange to be parting ways, even temporarily? _"Will you come see us off?"

Duo hated goodbyes with everything in his being, but he couldn't possibly bring himself to say no to Heero. "Yeah, but we should knock on Quatre's door. I know he'll want to see you off too."

*******

The last hour on the satellite seemed to slip away all too fast, and soon Heero found himself standing in the hangar, watching the end of Wing Zero disappear inside the carrier as Noin instructed the crew. It almost felt like another mission, except that he was leaving his fellow pilots behind.

"You'll keep in touch, Heero? ICM?" Quatre asked, noticing how Duo was leaning against the railing, gazing out into the hangar, looking anywhere but at Heero.

"I don't have an address, but I can set one up…" Heero nodded, then reached to tug the end of Duo's braid to get his attention.

"Hey!" Duo whirled around, glaring at Heero playfully.

"Get Quatre to set you up an address too, if you don't have one."

"Heero!" Relena's voice rang out loudly as she appeared in the doorway of the carrier and waved at them. "Our departure slot is coming up in a few minutes."

"Okay," he called back, watching with interest as she noticed he wasn't alone.

Duo saw how her eyes widened when she caught sight of him, and for a moment he couldn't figure out why, but he remembered just as she started talking again. _The red shirt! Ha-ha – score one point for Maxwell!_

"Heero! Isn't that – why is he – why did you--"

"Get inside, Relena – I'll be right there." The former Queen looked as if she was about argue with him, but Heero stared at her pointedly until she acquiesced. "I have to leave now," he said as he turned back to his friends.

Quatre was the first to hug him, more fiercely than he expected. "We'll miss you," he said pointedly. "So please don't forget to write. We shouldn't fall out of touch just because we're working on different projects."

Duo hugged him next, burying his face in Heero's shoulder and whispering softly. "Remember what I said last night, because I meant it."

"I know," he whispered back, turning his face to kiss Duo's temple lightly, not really caring if Quatre saw.

Duo felt a little sick as he let go of Heero and watched him walk down the platform, pausing at the doorway to look back at them once more before disappearing. He was proud of himself that he didn't shed a single tear while the carrier pulled away, but his grip on the railing was so tight that his knuckles were white. It was only after lift-off that Quatre stepped forward and placed his hand over Duo's, asking him softly. "Are you okay?"

_Nope, not really…_ Duo turned to face him, trying his best to smile. "Is the offer still open?"

_Africa. _Quatre knew what he meant and smiled as he teased. "Absolutely – but it now has two conditions."

"Oh?" Duo grinned, already having an inkling of what Quatre wanted from him.

"Duet partner."

Duo sighed melodramatically, but nodded. "Done! …with, uh, training?"

"Yes. And…"

"And?"

"I think you know," Quatre replied sassily, turning to head out of the hangar. "My ears are open."

Duo chuckled, and jogging to catch up with him, slung an arm around his friend's shoulders. "Quat, if you're really asking, I'm going to have to start back at the beginning…"

"Which is…?"

"Well, the first time I ever saw Heero Yuy, I _shot_ him." He paused for dramatic flair. "_Twice._"

"Go on," Quatre replied, slinging his own arm around Duo's waist. "I've been waiting to hear this story for _ages_…"

_o/~ It comes down to us_

_We all have to stop, stop,_

_Stop pretending now_

_It's you and me_

_It comes down to us ~/o_


	22. Ch 22 Interlude Come Back To Me

**Author's Notes:** I know, it's been practically forever and I'm really sorry. My life has been a bit of a shambles lately: after being out of the country for 8 days over Thanksgiving, I had 3 weeks of school with rehearsals for 2 concerts plus all of my Christmas prep (6 trees and over 60 cards, plus the yearly letter)... After that, H and I drove down to North Carolina to visit my parents for Christmas for 4 days, drove back north to NYC to crash at my godmother's, then flew 14 hours to Tokyo. Japan was a whirlwind 5 amazing days that included Comiket, Tokyo Disneysea and Kyoto, then a 14 hour plane ride home. I started a second job, gained 3 piano students, and promptly got sick. If that hadn't been enough, H also started commuting from VT down to NYC on a weekly basis for school, so it's taken a few weeks for the schedule and work to settle, the house to get cleaned, me to get better...

The good news is, I'm now home alone several nights a week with hopefully more time to write. It didn't help matters that this chapter took me FOREVER to write because of the strange format. It's really meant to be an interlude - starting to set things up for EW during some time that our favorite boys are apart. I'm just hopelessly long-winded. It started as a nice diversion from my uausal style, but keeping straight whose turn it was to write back to who nearly broke my brain.

This really leads into what I consider the second part of the story, and if turns out to be a little weird for you, don't worry - next chapter will resume the usual 3rd person story-telling. All the reviews! Ack, I feel so horribly guilty that I've been gone for so long! But I promise, as always - I'm not going anywhere! I hope you aren't either.

**soseisousei:** Thank you!

**snow:** I will be covering EW, but so much of it is convoluted and not within any kind of timeframe, so I'll be adding all of my little touches here and there. teehee. I hope things are well with you! I miss our little chats back and forth in the comments and notes.

**KS:** I didn't mean to make you cry! But... I'll admit that I made myself cry writing it. There's definitely more ups and downs coming for everyone.

**Evil Chibi Kitten:** This is far from the end, and that's really the only thank you I can give you for calling my humble effort a masterpiece. I appreciate your praise.

**roninlvr:** I fear that you'll want to shake Heero and Duo even more in the next few chapters, but I can promise it has a happy ending - I don't write stories without happy endings. But yes, they are going to go through hell. It's so far from over and I can't wait to write the next few chapters! *hugs back and grins*

**Gataagua:** Yes, it's not finished yet, and thank you!

**EmpyrealFantasy:** I can't believe you read the story in one night! I am seriously impressed, and also flattered that a fan of my writing in another fandom would give me a chance in a different one too. I'm really happy that you've enjoyed it so far!

**Plain Jane Is A Vampire:** Nope, not the end, but thank you very much!

Happy 2009!

--D

* * *

**Chapter 22 – Interlude - Come Back To Me (4 months of letters, January - April)  
**

_o/~ You say you gotta go and find yourself_

_You say that you're becoming someone else_

_Don't recognize the face in the mirror_

_Looking back at you_

_You say you're leavin'_

_As you look away_

_I know there's really nothin' left to say_

_Just know I'm here_

_Whenever you need me_

_I'll wait for you ~/o_

***

AC0196-01-06

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

S: ICM

This is my mail address. Trust it will only be shared with key parties.

***

AC0196-01-07

F: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: RE: ICM

Dear Heero,

It was really great to finally hear from you! Duo and I are doing well, but we won't be leaving MO-2 for a few more days. I've passed your email address onto Trowa and helped Duo set up an account too, so hopefully you'll be hearing from them soon as well.

I heard about Relena being appointed Vice Foreign Minister – is it true she's gone back to using Darlian? How are things on Earth?

Hoping to hear from you soon!

Quatre

***

AC0196-01-07

F: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

T: trowa..barton..icm..colony

S: ICM addresses

Dear Trowa,

I am writing to give you Heero and Duo's ICM addresses. I hope things are well at the circus. Please tell Catherine that I send my best wishes to both of you.

Sincerely,

Quatre

***

AC0196-01-07

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: woo-hoo!

Hey Heero!

Quatre helped me set up an ICM account so we can write back and forth. I'm, uh… not really sure if I've ever had a penpal before, so congrats – you're the first!

I bet Quatre didn't tell you why we're still on MO-2 – but he's trying to put on a brave face. That's what I should say, but really, I think he's just avoiding the topic. I can tell he's really kinda broken up about it, but he's trying to act chipper about it – oops, I'm getting head of myself, let me start over:

Today we went to a reading of Quatre's father's will – all of his sisters that could make it flew onto the satellite and they had this big meeting in a conference room. It went on and on about the resource satellites and real estate and houses and ships and mobile suits and factories and stocks and bonds and – the list was endless. I was there as moral support, if you're wondering how I even know what went down. There's so many of them that I can't even begin to keep their names or faces straight, but I guess the important thing to tell you is that Quatre's father left him in charge – not just head of the family, but CEO of the company and primary shareholding, whatever that is.

You'd think it would be something he'd be glad about, but even though he says he's happy, I can tell that's not the whole truth. There's a list of things he has to get done a mile long, but he claims we're still going to Africa. I don't think I got a chance to mention that to you before you left. Quatre and I are gonna go visit the village we helped rebuild awhile back – if he ever finishes calling the people he's gotta call and signing the forms he's gotta sign… I guess I'll let you know how that goes.

Me, I haven't been up to much… wandering around the satellite, helping out in the kitchens (free food, you know), watching movies on the Holonet… it feels really strange. Not to have anything to do. It's only been a few days, but I feel really restless. Maybe I need to go for a hull-walk…

Anyways, so yeah I heard that the Queen is now the Minister – I'll just call her Quinister for short. Have you and Noin started those meetings yet? I heard that the elections for President are going to be held really soon, but who gets the vote?

I guess this email's already pretty long, so I'll end for now. Don't leave me hanging for too long!

--D

***

AC0196-01-09

F: trowa..barton..icm..colony

T: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

S: Thank you!

Quatre,

Thanks for sending those addresses.

Catherine and I have started working on some new routines, so I thought I would send you the music we're thinking of using. Let me know what you think.

Have you had any peanut-butter sandwiches lately?

Trowa

***

AC0196-01-10

F: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

T: trowa..barton..icm..colony

S: Circus Music

Dear Trowa,

All three pieces are excellent, but they definitely have different moods. I fully admit to preferring instrumental music, especially when used in conjunction with visual arts, so I'd have to discount the first selection of the opera music. I could imagine either of the second two working – but it really depends on what type of act you're considering? Is it more of Catherine's knife-throwing?

Duo and I are leaving tomorrow for Earth to attend to some Winner family business, followed by a trip to re-visit an African village we helped to re-build during the war. We may be out of touch for a few days, but I look forward to hearing from you again the next time I have a chance to access ICM.

And yes, Duo is overly fond of peanut butter, so we've eaten it more often than I'd prefer. I might need to broaden his palate.

Humming some of the music to myself,

Quatre

***

AC0196-01-14

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

S: RE: woo-hoo!

I apologize for the delay in my response, but there were some last-minute scheduling changes due to Relena's new position. We're currently in the L-1 area, where Relena is now acting as an ambassador of the new government, kind of mediator for some of the inter-colony conventions. Each colony or country's governing body must select representatives to the new Earth Sphere United Nation, then those representatives will elect a governing set of leaders from among them, including the new president. It's a complicated process, but that's the general outline.

Noin and I have drafted some plans, but there won't be anyone to approve them until the not-yet-elected President names other world leaders to various not-yet-existing committees. Noin and I are waiting for an opening in Lady Une's schedule to align with an opening in Relena's so that we can discuss the plans further. Relena is being deeply insistent on our proposal being non-militaristic, but both Noin and I are having reservations about taking that route for a defense force. There's still too many threats out there, but you know how she is.

While it may be unsettling for Quatre to now be CEO of Winner Enterprises, it can't be something that he wasn't expecting. I'm certain that he's more than capable of handling the role, but I think you're right in guessing that he may not _want_ that role.

***

AC0196-01-14

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

S: RE: RE: ICM

Thank you for exchanging everyone's addresses.

Relena asked to be appointed as Relena Darlian in honor of her late father, who held the post before her, but it's unclear yet whether this is a permanent change. Noin tried to broach the subject of Sanc Kingdom, but Relena avoids all discussion of it or her brother.

***

AC0196-01-16

F: trowa..barton..icm..colony

T: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

S: RE: Circus Music

Quatre,

Heh, yeah, I guess knowing about the routine first would have helped…………..

It's actually a tight-rope act, involving some juggling – balls, scarves, very colorful and flashy.

Take some pictures in Africa!

Trowa

***

AC0196-01-16

F: trowa..barton..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

S: Earth

Duo,

I haven't heard from you yet, so I thought I'd drop you a mail.

Quatre said you were going to Earth to do some business-stuff. Make sure he doesn't work too hard, okay? Force him to stop and eat and see the sights and… have a little fun, maybe? I know I can count on you for that, right?

Trowa

***

AC0196-01-17

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: around the world in a week!

Hey Heero!

You know, you could at least *SIGN* the bottom of your mails! Don't be afraid to get a little personal, ok? (sarcasm)

OK, not really around the whole world, but we've been to so many places checking in on different Winner-owned things that I can barely keep track, as usual. Trowa wrote and told us to take pictures, so I made Quatre get us a camera! (You should write to Trowa if you haven't. I bet he'd like to hear from you too.) It's really awesome, all I have to do is look at the screen and click, then upload it to the Holonet and send it through ICM! (OK, I admit, it took me a few days to figure it out because I didn't want to ask Quatre for help. He has this tendency to answer one teeny tiny question with an essay of explanations that I've forgotten five minutes later.) He's teaching me to read a little music here and there – really worldly, right? I offered to teach him how to pick a lock in return, but he turned me down. XD ß That's me grinning as I try not to laugh

So, you told me plenty about Noin and Relena, but what about you? Or do you not do anything fun even now?

--D

***

AC0196-01-17

F: duo,.colony

T: trowa..barton..icm..colony

S: Mars!

Going for a theme with the topics.

I got Quat to get us a camera, just for you, Trowa! Uploaded pictures too!

Hope the Circus is great, but just so we're clear – it's not the same without you around.

--D

***

AC0196-01-20

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

S: RE: around the world in a week!

I'm not really used to writing personal mail to anyone.

The pictures are interesting. Was that Austria, Turkey, Egypt and Monaco?

I'm just standing guard during Relena's meetings and drafting plans with Noin. I think we may finally meet with Lady Une sometime next week.

I haven't really had time for anything else, so I don't know what else to write.

H

***

AC0196-01-21

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: whaaaaaat?!

Heero!!

That's it? That's all I get?

Please don't make me start asking you how the weather is or what you ate for lunch!

I guess if there's no news to report, we'll have to come up with something else to talk about. Think of it as, well… a chance to talk about stuff?

--D

***

AC0196-01-24

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: duo,.colony

S: RE: whaaaaaat?!

The meeting has been confirmed for the 28th.

I don't know what else to talk about. I already told you that.

H

***

AC0196-01-25

F: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

T: trowa..barton..icm..colony

S: Apologies!

Dear Trowa,

I'm so sorry for my extremely tardy reply, but I've been really busy traveling and holding meetings with various branches of Winner Enterprises. It's all rather exhausting, but Duo and I are leaving for Africa soon. I'm not sure how reliable our ICM access will be – it depends largely on the weather because the area is so remote.

With a description of the routine, I can confidently suggest the second piece of music. I'm an absolute sucker for piano, especially Rachmaninoff! It's such vibrant music!

If you're interested, I'd love to trade other music back and forth. Did Duo tell you that I'm trying to teach him a little here and there, when I have time?

You haven't heard from Wu Fei, have you?

Apologizing once more,

Quatre

***

AC0196-01-25

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: 20 questions!

Heero—

Nothing to talk about? Nothing at all? Never seems that way when we're together… but maybe I do more of the talking then?

OK, look, it'll be fun. We'll get to know each other better! (heh, not that we don't already know each other pretty well in some ways)

Since you're no help at all, I'll start:

What's your favorite color and why?

--D

***

AC0196-01-27

F heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

S: RE: 20 questions!

That's such an arbitrary question.

How does knowing my favorite color mean you know me any better?

***

AC0196-01-28

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: RE: RE: 20 questions!

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeero!!!!!!!!

That was supposed to be an easy one!!! _ ß this is me, frustrated with you

OK!

I'll ask you a question – but I'll answer my own question as an example. Then you answer my question and ask me one, and answer it.

That sounds more confusing than I meant it.

Let me try again.

What's your favorite color and why?

Mine is blue… all kinds of blue, like the ocean where it's really clear and turquoise… but especially the way the sky looks from Earth on a really clear day. There's hardly any other color that seems so rich and smooth like you could reach up and touch it and it would feel like satin.

Does that help? Now you answer it. Then ask me a question!

Leaving for Africa tomorrow – communication might be a little touch-and-go.

--D

***

AC0196-01-31

F heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

S: RE: RE: RE: 20 questions!

Indigo like the night sky, but not in space, only viewed from Earth, just after sunset.

I still don't know how this helps you know me better.

What's your… favorite animal?

Mine is… a shark. They have a bad reputation, but most of them are pretty harmless

***

AC0196-02-13

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: Pictures & Answers!

Hey Heero!

Sorry I haven't been able to write back. While we were in Africa, there was a bad storm that knocked out the power lines for miles and miles. Even with Quatre's help, it still took time to repair – but! The awesome news is that all of the structures we built so many months ago - everything stayed! It's a relief to know that there isn't much chance of the village being taken out again. I uploaded a bunch of pictures of the kids in the village, and Quatre's house there, and my favorite waterfall. Every day here seems busy, but I guess it's different to run with the sun as your clock instead of something electronic.

So, yeah, let me know what you think of the pictures! And all the latest news and such. We've been a little out of touch with what's going on.

And back to the questions!

Sharks… I wouldn't have guessed it! It reminds me of our eventful trip to the aquarium. I really thought that place was cool as hell and it made me wish I knew more about the ocean and stuff.

Favorite animal, hmm? Well… I think the only animals I've ever had real fondness for are cats. This might sound gross, but… alley cats always knew where the best trash cans were when I was a kid. They weren't the most friendly, but there was this one funny orange tabby cat that liked to be scratched behind the ears.

OK, new question… and this one is just because I can admit to being a tiny bit jealous of those girls you spend all your time with.

Who has the worse fashion sense – Noin or Relena?

It's a hard choice for me, I've gotta admit – but that old American West thing is definitely just bizarre.

I bet right now you're having trouble keeping a straight face!

--D

***

AC0196-02-13

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: trowa..barton..icm..colony

S: Africa Pictures!

Hey Trowa!

Here are the pictures you requested! Sorry there aren't that many of me, but I figured that wasn't what you really wanted to see anyways, right?

Where are you guys right now? Colony? Earth? Let me know, because it would be really cool if we got to meet up and hang out sometime.

--D

***

AC0196-02-14

F: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: valentines?

Dear Heero,

I borrowed Duo's camera when he was busy with the kids and the festival.

Thought you might appreciate a few shots where he's not the photographer.

Fondly,

Quatre

***

_o/~ Take your time i wont go anywhere_

_Picture you with the wind in your hair_

_I'll keep your things right where you left them_

_I'll be here for you ~/o _

***

AC0196-02-16

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

S: RE: valentines?

The election for president of the Earth Sphere Unified Nation has been scheduled for March 1st.

…thank you for the pictures.

***

AC0196-02-16

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

S: RE: Pictures & Answers!

The pictures were very interesting. It's good that you and Quatre were able to help that village.

It was surprisingly a really inappropriate time for your question, Maxwell. But in return for your honesty, I'll admit that both of them have gotten on my nerves recently. They argue around and around in a circle: Noin tentatively asks Relena if she's thought about:

1) if they should have a funeral for Zechs

2) what to do about the kingdom, which is in a shambles and is technically still Relena's responsibility, even if she tried to abdicate the throne back during the whole mess with OZ

In response to this, Relena generally either changes the subject or says she doesn't care and Noin backs off. Last night, that was not the case. Relena seemed bothered by something all day, so when Noin made her usual overture, she simply snapped. Screamed her head off about Milliardo and then locked herself in the bathroom for several hours. At least, Noin claims it was only a few hours – I can't be sure because other than over-hearing the beginning of their fight from the room next door, I wasn't there to witness it. I'm beginning to think I might need to have a word with Relena about the subject, just to try and maintain peace.

In response to your question, which I know was asked in good fun not knowing what had transpired:

Fringe in general is several hundred years out of style.

I walked around the city for a few hours earlier tonight (we're currently back on Earth, in Luxembourg, or what's left of it) and found myself missing… something that isn't even tangible. Not the war, I don't miss the war… I'm not sure what I'm trying to explain, but I hope you'll understand my meaning anyway.

Do you miss it?

***

AC0196-02-17

F: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: Pictures & Answers!

You are most welcome.

***

AC0196-02-22

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: drifting…

It's 3 AM. I hope my being on the computer doesn't wake Quatre up. We're leaving in a few days to head back to space and meet with Sally. Once the president's official on the 1st, I think the committee will form and take action pretty quickly.

So… your question came at a hell of a time… but I suppose I deserved it for the last one.

I guess the easiest response is just to tell you that I dream about it a lot – not usually in specifics, just… fighting. Being inside Deathscythe, shots going off all around me, destroying stuff… it's more the visuals, the sounds, the exhilaration… but usually they're not so bad, right? But every now and then… tonight's was just particularly… bloody. Sometimes you guys are in danger and I can't help you, sometimes Earth gets blown up, sometimes… sometimes I'm really fucking glad when I wake up in the morning that they _are_ just dreams.

Do you dream about it?

***

AC0196-02-24

F heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

S: RE: Drifting

Yes, I dream about it. I dream about it often. I think it might be part of the reason I feel compelled to make sure there's never another war like that again.

In the same vein, but maybe with more levity:

What are your favorite things to blow up?

I always particularly enjoyed mobile dolls – no pointless waste of human life, but still the satisfaction of watching them explode into little pieces.

***

AC0196-03-03

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: Back in space

Hey Heero!

We're back in space again – on MO-2 to be exact. Sally should arrive tomorrow – she's going to be appointed as head of the space clean-up committee-thing. Quatre and I are just working on it freelance for now, but unless he gets called away again on family stuff, I think we'll be here for awhile – which means more regular access to ICM and Holonet. Don't laugh at me – I like the music channels the most, but sometimes I play videogames if I can't sleep at night. I sucked pretty hard at the beginning, but I'm getting the hang of it now.

It's a good way to blow things up safely, you know?

Speaking of blowing up… water towers are fun, or just using rivers to short-circuit things. I always thought the crackle of electricity was a really pretty contrast to flames. That sounds so wrong, but… it's the truth, and I always tell the truth, right?

By the way, have you heard from Trowa? He hasn't written back to me or Quatre in over a month and we're really starting to worry.

--D

***

AC0196-03-06

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

S: RE: back in space

I haven't heard from Trowa, but I also haven't written to him either.

Still, that's a long time even when he travels a lot, so I took it upon myself to search out the circus' current location. It's positioned in France right now, on a European tour, which is not far, seeing as we're still currently in Belgium. I'm going to ask Relena if she'd mind me taking a day or two to go pay him a visit and see what's going on.

The new president, Jackson Anders Pierce, is from the UCA - United Countries of the Americas – and he's already been working with world leaders to set up different branches of the government dedicated to defense, research, the environment, inter-colony and global clean-up, free trade and food production… it's a slow process, but so far there haven't been any fights like the one at MO-2.

It seems very likely that Lady Une is going to end up in a position of office, due to her extensive background and actions during the end of the war. She's surprisingly respected, especially by the colonies, considering her role as Treize's right hand. I know from having spoken with her that she hopes to be named as Secretary of Defense, which would make it very easy for her to push the proposal of a defense force under immediate control of the president – a group dedicated to preventing altercations between countries - to the president's attention. She says I should come up with a name for the defense force, but I don't have any ideas. Do you?

You forgot to ask me a question last time, but it's your turn.

***

AC0196-03-08

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: dreaming of far-off places

Hey Heero!

I wasn't trying to ask you to go and find Trowa, but actually, I'm glad that you are. Thanks.

It's good to hear about Lady Une – it's hard to hold grudges for old OZ stuff after the way everything turned out, and she seemed like a good soul when she made that speech on Christmas back at MO-2. You said this group is dedicated to defense, to "preventing altercations" – so why not just cal it what it is? Defenders? Protectors? Preventers? Something like that.

Sally's in charge hear now and teams have been organized. Even though most mobile suits were destroyed immediately after the war, the government is letting us use what's left – unarmed, of course – for this project. With no gravity, it's much easier using mobile suits to maneuver, whether it's collecting debris, sorting it, melting it down, getting it to the compactors… Quatre's had several large barges and compactors brought in from various satellites to help speed the process up.

I know we're doing a really good thing, but man... it's really frustrating. We work all day, long hours, we can count the amount of crap we've cleared away… but when you look out the viewports, it looks the same as ever: a giant cloudy mess of junk that stretches endlessly out into space. I hate being reminded of what we've been through every day and the fact that it never seems to get any better… it's discouraging. I know I should be more positive, but it's hard when I look at how much more still needs to be done.

I guess it leads me to thinking about Africa or other places I've seen traveling around – so it's my turn, and I'm curious – if you could go anywhere, for any reason, where would you go?

This might sound cliché, but I' d really love to visit some deserted islands. Flying over earth, there's places where it doesn't even look like more than a drop of sand in the middle of blue, blue, blue. It would be so strange to be in a place where there are no people around and I bet the sky looks like it goes on forever all around… heh, I'm getting carried away with my daydreaming now and I ought to get some sleep. Tomorrow's another long day.

--D

***

AC0196-03-11

F: trowa..barton..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

S: Apology

Duo,

I'm really sorry that I haven't written back to you. It's a long story, but I had a fight with Catherine about some stuff, and couldn't write for awhile…

But I had a talk with Heero, who told me I was a "spineless pansy" and… well, he has a point. I shouldn't let anything going on with my sister affect my friendships with all of you.

I'll consider your suggestion to get a camera the next time I'm in charge of the supplies run. We're still on Earth for awhile, but if we head back to space, I'll let you know.

Trowa

***

AC0196-03-11

F: trowa..barton..icm..colony

T: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

S: Apology

Dear Quatre,

I know that I owe you a serious apology for my lack of response. Heero paid me a visit yesterday and let me know that both of you were worried, and I feel badly about that. He managed to pry the truth out of me, so I find it only fair to share it with you as well. I'm sure that you're aware that my sister is very protective of me and very sensitive about my involvement with the war. She's often overly critical when the subject comes up at all, and a few weeks ago, we had an argument about it. She doesn't like that I follow the news on the holonet when I get the chance, or that I still write to all of you, which I assume is because she's worried I'm going to take off again.

I don't want to damage the friendships I have with all of you, so I'll continue to try and reply, but she has a tendency to hover, so it's harder for me to find time when she's not around. It's frustrating, but she's the only family I have, and I don't want to hurt her anymore than I already have.

I would love to trade more music with you – I sometimes take my flute out and play a little with our minstrel group. It would be fun if Duo managed to pick some of it up from you and we all could play together someday.

I really hope you're not angry at me. I feel a little awkward having written so much at once, but I hope you won't mind.

Trowa

***

AC0196-03-13

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: trowa..barton..icm..colony

S: Forgiven!

It's okay, Trowa-buddy, we're cool. It's just good to know you're okay. This latest set of pictures is pretty dull, as we've just been out in space, cleaning up.

Did you have fun with Heero, aside from his choice of insults? How is he?

How are you? You should send me pictures too, all the cool places the circus goes… I'm just going to keep asking until you send pictures!!!

--D

***

AC0196-03-14

F: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

T: trowa..barton..icm..colony

S: relieved

Dear Trowa,

I am completely and totally relieved to hear that you're okay, and yes, I have to admit that I was extremely worried about you!

I… understand, about Catherine… Of course, I'm not in quite the same situation, but I am under a lot of pressure right now with things concerning Winner Enterprises. It's… hard to live up to other peoples' expectations of us sometimes, isn't it? I know my sisters just expect me to take over everything because I'm the only son, and I know that's what was in my father's will… but I doubt myself. Not so much my capabilities as, well… I don't know if my heart's in it. I thought… maybe you feel similarly?

I suppose the real question is what to do if I decide that my heart's not in it… I don't know if I could live with myself if all of my family saw me as a disappointment.

It's really good to write to you again. Duo and I miss you.

I'm sending you some Beethoven piano sonatas, most of which I've played before myself. Is it safe to assume that you're also interested in instrumental music?

Fondly,

Quatre

***

_o/~ And I hope you find everything that you need_

_I'll be right here waiting to see_

_You find you - come back to me ~/o_

***

AC0196-03-18

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

S: Pissed Off

Relena has fucked EVERYTHING up.

I am livid.

I hope by now that Trowa has contacted you – he promised he would when I went to see him – but I should have known that Relena agreed to my departure far too easily. I am angry with myself for trusting her, trusting Noin…

We had everything in place for the meeting with President Pierce. All of the documents were prepared, signed… I didn't think there was any need for me to be at the meeting with Noin also present, but I was wrong.

All along, the three of us have been at odds over the creation of this defense force. Relena continues to insist on it being non-militaristic, which is completely ridiculous. How can a defense force be a defense force if it has nothing with which to defend? The idea is ludicrous, and I thought that Noin and I had convinced her of such. But she's fucking stubborn and arrogant, and changed the documents after I was gone. She actually went to the trouble of having them re-written, re-notarized… She steam-rolled Noin, who doesn't know how to say no to her, and forced the mobile suits and weapons clause to be put on a separate ballot not due up until April.

The end result is that I returned from France to find out that the "Preventers" defense force has been officially enacted by the Earth Sphere United Nation government as an intelligence agency… with no troops. It's been completely down-sized from the original plans. I feel like everything that Noin and I have been working for has been squashed, all because of her absurd pacifist policies.

I confronted her about it a few days ago when I first returned and we had a spectacular fight which made all of her spats with Noin pale in comparison. I told exactly what I thought of both her policies and her deceptive tactics, of her abuse of people she deemed her friends and her immaturity in refusing to deal with her dead brother. I'm sure, had you been a fly on the wall, Maxwell, you would have been laughing, but I certainly wasn't. She broke down completely, tried to hit me once, and then stormed out.

Noin was in a panic when she stayed out all night, but I lifted her computer while she was asleep the following day to discover that she spent most of the hours she was gone logged into an ICM-videochat with, surprisingly, Dorothy Catalonia. It was not a turn of events I was expecting, but I suppose I can hope she's at least confiding in someone, even if it isn't me or Noin.

Noin knows I'm angry with her, but at this point, I think I'm going to speak to Lady Une personally about the group now known as The Preventers.

***

AC0196-03-19

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: RE: Pissed Off

H--

Umm…wow.

I was totally shocked by the fact that you chose your own subject for that last email, but even more surprised by its contents.

I'm not sorry to say this Heero, and I can't hold it in any longer: That girl is an annoying back-stabbing bitch! Why are you still working for her? With her? I know I don't have any right to tell you what to do, but… what's the point of working so hard for these plans only to have her sabotage them??

Are you sure you can't talk to Noin about Relena when she's not around? Not that I'm an expert, but the girl has some issue that she really needs to deal with.

Now you didn't answer my question – are you tired of the question game?

--D

***

AC0196-03-21

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: Japan

Since you enjoyed the last subject title so much, I gave you another one.

Reading your email forced me to crack a smile, but it's really not a laughing matter. I sat down with Lady Une yesterday afternoon and explained to her very clearly what had taken place, and I could tell that she was not only in support of my ideas, but clearly bothered by the situation with Relena. Although she could suggest to President Pierce that Relena be removed from her position, we both know she is doing a lot of good outside of this mess and is, ironically, someone the general public trusts. Instead, Lady Une quietly had her schedule cleared of obligations over the next week or two and suggested I work with her on the April weapons ballot, leaving both Relena and Noin out of the loop.

As it is, I can't think about walking away until the last of this is resolved.

Relena hasn't apologized, and I haven't officially broken my verbal agreement to be her guard, but… I do feel I might have pushed her a bit too far dragging the entire mess of Sanc Kingdom into the argument. I don't know what to do about any of it.

I'm not tired of the question game, just distracted.

Where do I want to go? It's not something I've spent much time considering, but I think my gut response would be Japan. I'm pretty certain that I have some Japanese heritage in my blood, and my caretaker told me that I knew the language better than English when he first took me in. I don't remember much of my childhood, but I would enjoy exploring the history of a place I'm somehow connected to. I've studied history, particularly art history, at some of the schools I posed at over the years, and I always thought it was interesting, the relationship between art and the time it was created in.

With the end of the war, when I'm not consumed by the situation with the Preventers, I think about what I want to do before I die – a luxury I've never really had. And I think going to see some famous places would really be high on my list.

As morbid as it sounds, what do you want to do before you die, besides seeing islands?

***

AC0196-03-22

F: trowa..barton..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

S: RE: Forgiven

Thanks Duo, I appreciate you understanding and not being angry.

Heero was fine when I saw him, pretty much the same as ever.

OK, OK… I'm giving in. I'll get a camera.

Trowa

***

AC0196-03-22

F: trowa..barton..icm..colony

T: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

S: RE: relieved

Quatre,

I don't know how there's anyway that anyone could see you as a disappointment after everything you've done, but I can understand the worry. I guess you really hit the nail on the head, because sometimes I do feel the same way. Only you can listen to what your heart is saying, but just know that if you need to talk about anything, I will always listen.

Cathy and I premiered the new act last night and it was a great success, which I owe in part to your suggestion to use the Rachmaninoff. I knew about half of the sonatas you sent, and am sendin you Tchaikonsky in return.

I do enjoy classical music, instrumental music… but I also don't mind some old pre-colony rock n roll. Have you heard of the Beatles?

Trowa

***

AC0196-03-23

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: regrets

Heero,

That's a really hard question for me to answer. Maybe it's actually the question I am trying to answer a little bit every day. It's complicated because some of is easy and tangible – traveling to lots of places (Japan would be cool!), eating lots of different kinds of food… just seeing all that the world has to offer. At the same time, it's things that you can't touch – like that I've never seen a rainbow, except in a picture. That I've never owned a pet or a car or a house… never really gone to a proper school for very long at a time. I want… experiences, I guess.

My life has always been strange, and while I would never want it to be boring, sometimes I think there's some steps along the way I missed. I don't feel that bad about it, because I wouldn't be who I am if it had been different. Do you have any regrets? You don't have to say what they are, because… I don't wanna say what mine are. I don't have many, but it'd be a lie to say that I have none.

So can you still say that the question game doesn't let us know each other any better?

--D

***

AC0196-03-25

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

S: RE: Regrets

I'd be impressed to meet someone who doesn't truly have any regrets. I'm not that person, but I do agree with a lot of what you wrote. I've never really talked about some of the things we've been writing back and forth, but I get the feeling that I could ask you anything and you'd answer me honestly. After being lied to for so much of my life, it's… appreciated.

So now that we know what we'd do, in part, before we died… if you could pick any way to die, what would it be?

I'd want to go out saving a life, doing something good – predictable, I know. But I'd want it to be over fast.

***

AC0196-03-27

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

S: RESPOND

I saw the attack on the news this morning – they said there were casualties, but didn't release any names.

Are you and Quatre unharmed?

Respond immediately!

***

AC0196-03-27

F: trowa..barton..icm..colony

T: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony, duo..maxwell..icm..colony

CC: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: Worried

Are you both okay?

***

AC0196-04-01

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: Chill!

Hey Heero,

We're alive and unharmed. Sorry I couldn't respond sooner, but they just got our power grid up and running an hour ago.

I guess by now you've read what's in the news, bit I figure you'd want a first-hand account.

It was about 4 in the morning by the satellite's chronometer – we're staying on MO-4 right now, actually. The explosions woke me out of a sound sleep, and I was hardly out of bed before Quatre was beating my door down. We ended up using Deathscythe and Sandrock to take out the mobile suits attacking. Even though the media won't confirm it and are just calling them "terrorists", Quat and I are pretty fucking sure they're a remnant of White Fang. Unfortunately, most of them were killed in the scuffle and the two still alive probably won't make it through the night.

They were definitely aiming to take out our equipment first – we lost almost everything… there were only a few casualties on our side, the guys running the trash compactors and the overnight crews doing maintenance and stuff… but it's a mess. All the new debris from the fighting, the barges are in ruin… everyone's been working so hard and now it's all for fucking NOTHING.

I'm just… .ANGRY and can't seem to think about anything besides how angry I am.

The project's going to be temporarily shut down now – other crews have to rebuild the damaged areas before we can get back to the actual clean-up. It SUCKS.

If I could choose a way to die, I'd go out in a blaze of glory and take all the fuckers destroying innocent lives and hard work with me to hell!

How old were you the first time you killed someone?

--D

***

AC0196-04-01

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

S: RE: Chill!

I'm really glad to hear that you and Quatre are safe, but troubled by this turn of events. It's exactly the problems I predicted, exactly what I was trying to safeguard against with the establishment of the Preventors. I can only hope that this tragedy will make some of the world leaders realize that Relena's policies are not realistic.

Speaking of Relena, things have taken an odd turn here too. She never did apologize for what she did, but she announced to Noin that she intends to return to Sanc Kingdom during this gap in her schedule. I don't really know what that means or why the sudden change of heart, but Noin's already asked me to accompany them. She apparently went to Lady Une on her own to express her apologies for letting Relena sabotage the original Preventers proposal. I think she's considering joining the group and helping to train some of the operatives. Still, we won't know the fate of the weapons proposal for a few more weeks, so I don't really have anything to do between now and then and may go with them.

I share your anger, but all we can is keep working towards a lasting peace.

For your information, getting blown up "in a blaze of glory" is actually quite painful. I recommend it even less than falling, which is also unpleasant. I've not heard good things about drowning. Really, if you're going to choose a way to die, asphyxiation might be the sanest choice.

And to answer your latest question, assisted or solo?

***

AC0196-04-01

F: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

T: trowa..barton..icm..colony

S: RE: Worried

Dear Trowa,

Thank you for your concern, but both Duo and I are fine. It was a devastating loss and will put the entire project on hold for several weeks while other teams rebuild the power grid and I have more barges brought in.

With unexpected time to spare, I've decided to head to L4, where one of the main Winner family estates is, to go through some of my father's personal belongings. Several of my sisters have been nagging me about it, and I don't have a good excuse to give them anymore. I think Duo is going to go with me.

And yes, I've heard of the Beatles – I studied John Lennon in one of my many music history classes as a child. I didn't realize you were a fan of that kind of music, but I suppose there's a lot we don't know about each other, even in one small category. In fact, this is one of my very favorite songs:

_Imagine all the people_

_Living life in peace..._

Alive but saddened,

Quatre

***

AC0196-04-03

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

S: in a hurry

H--

Either. Both.

Sorry so short, but we're leaving for L4 in an hour. Might be out of touch until we get settled again.

--D

***

AC0196-04-05

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

S: RE: in a hurry

We're now in Sanc Kingdom, which is not only in a shambles, but partially deserted as well. Relena is caught up in having the place re-built, the roads repaired, and contacting as many nationals as she can to try and convince them to return home. She's become quite literally obsessed almost overnight, but still hasn't made any response to Noin's request about Zechs. I would worry that she's lost sight of her position, but perhaps this was exactly what Lady Une had in mind when she cleared Relena's schedule for a few weeks. She is a sharp woman.

I'm helping to re-build the roads through the heart of downtown. Oddly enough, the manual labor out under the sun is almost a relief after months of being stuck inside stuffy conference rooms.

Assisted: 4

Solo: 7

And you?

***

AC0196-04-07

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: L4

H--

It's been a hell of a day here on L4. I… really can't talk about much of it or I'd feel like I was breaking Quatre's trust, but I guess the short summary is that he finally talked to me about what's been on his mind. I think he's really been haunted by the way things ended between him and his father – he kinda broke down going through some of his stuff earlier today – but I think he's trying to move past it. I've never had any family, so it's a little bit difficult to relate to what he's going through, but loss is still loss, in the end… there's a universality about it.

In response, 7 for me as well, during the Maxwell Church tragedy. I… would rather not share that story in light of everything else that's happened today. I… need to lighten up a little.

So… maybe I'll just choose one of my favorite topics: FOOD!

What foods can you not stand to eat? So far I hate most vegetables Quatre has tried to get me to eat, also pickles and anything really spicy because it makes my eyes water and my nose run

Good to hear Relena is as crazy as ever. Maybe I should have shot her instead of you.

Kidding, kidding…

But all kidding aside, when I imagine you sweating out in the sun in that green tank-top, I………………………….

--D

***

_o/~ I can't get close if you're not there_

_I can't get inside if there's no soul to bear_

_I can't fix you i can't save you_

_Its something you have to do ~/o_

***

AC0196-04-09

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

S: RE: L4

Sanc is being transformed by the sheer force of Relena's will. I can hardly believe how quickly people are returning, pitching in and re-building. It's uplifting to know that there's still a lot of good in this world, in people in general.

I really have to admire how tirelessly she's dedicated herself to this – she keeps longer hours than anyone else and doesn't ever seem to take breaks. The oddest thing, though… she's been conferencing with a lot of world leaders from her office and doesn't generally care if Noin or I walk in without knocking. Today, I walked in to ask her to sign off on some of the supply deliveries for the roads and caught her on ICM-videochat with Dorothy again. That alone wouldn't have been that surprising with what I already know, but she shut the window down almost immediately and was really flustered during our conversation. I would think that it's just because she doesn't know that I already knew she and Dorothy were in touch, but… she still seemed oddly embarrassed.

Of course, that could also be because she finally decided to apologize to me today "not because what I did was the wrong thing to do" but because she felt bad that she'd been dishonest with me. She knew she'd taken advantage of my trust and hoped that maybe she'd be able to earn it back again in time. I didn't really say much in response except to tell her that what was done was done.

I'm glad that Quatre finally confided in you – he tends to take too much on himself, blame himself for things beyond his control. I can only say that because I still struggle not to do the same thing. But I think if there's anything I learned through my experiences in the war it's that each person is responsible for thinking for themselves and making their own decisions, as faulty as that can sometimes be.

I'm not surprised that you hate vegetables. I'm fussy about meat. If it's bad meat, it has poor texture, making it tough to chew and generally disgusting.

What foods do you like?

Besides peanutbutter.

So you're imagining me, but I'm not quite clear on what "……………………………." Means.

***

AC0196-04-12

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: still on L4

How do I always get myself into these messes?

Hearing you mention peanutbutter made me crave it, but when I asked Quatre about it, he looked ill and told me that I need to eat more variety. He then decided to have the estate chef start serving international meals. I was totally excited until tonight's dinner selection arrived at the table: quail

EWW!!!

I craftily hid it in my napkin, hid the napkin in my pocket and disposed of it out a window after dinner. But damn, I was hungry… so I ordered pizza. Of course, Quatre caught me and was completely and totally offended.

I can't help it if I'd rather eat things like peanutbutter and pizza instead of quail! Who eats QUAIL?!

I like most foods, really… sweets, breads. cheeses, pizza, cheeseburgers, seafood, chicken, fruit…

It's good about Relena, I think… maybe it just means she's starting to deal with things too, in her own way? I know it feels weird to think this after what we've been through, but... maybe we all still have our own maturing to do?

My next question isn't really about us, but it's still a good question: Do you think there's anything going on between Trowa and Quatre? I'm nearly convinced that they like each other, but Quatre won't fess up – which is completely unfair, because I have a big mouth and usually end up telling him more than he tells me most days.

What, you can guess what "…………………………………." means?

--D

***

AC0196-04-15

F: trowa..barton..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: bothered

Hey Heero – did you see Dekim Barton's obituary on the Holonet today, coming out of X-18999? What do you make of it?

***

AC0196-04-15

F: trowa..barton..icm..colony

T: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

S: one dreamer to another

Quatre,

Great song choice. Yes, I guess there is a lot we don't know about each other, but I'm hoping we can keep learning? --smiles--

I really enjoy rock n roll – not classical vocal stuff though. Maybe it's the lyrics, the driving beat… they just seem to talk about things in life that haven't changed even in hundreds of years. War, peace, love, hate, freedom, desire, jealousy, insecurity, hope…

I actually downloaded a lot of stuff off of the Holonet after I wrote that last mail to you. I… I've been having some memory problems again, just small things… I think it was triggered by another argument I had with Cathy the other day. Stress seems to set it off, but… the music helped.

I can't actually remember where I learned to play the flute or who taught me. Everything else I picked up later on, though. I do play a little bit on some other instruments here and there – do you?

Trowa

***

AC0196-04-16

F: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

T: trowa..barton..icm..colony

S: RE: one dreamer to another

Dear Trowa,

Funny with all the sisters we both have, that we find talking to one another much easier than talking to them? I find that I'm ever more grateful for our letters back and forth, for something of creative substance in the void that has been the last few months.

Today, I… wrote a letter, to my father. It took me several hours and I don't even really know what prompted me to write it. I didn't even re-read it when I was finished, I simply wrote and wrote everything I wanted to tell him, should have told him… the good things, the bad things, the memories, the regrets… I wrote until my hand was shaking from the sheer effort, and then I tossed it into the fire. Catharsis.

I play a lot of instruments, actually, but piano has always been my favorite. I can play every instrument in the string family, know enough guitar to get by… I was never very good at anything that required air other than singing. You didn't tell me what else you play?

Feeling a little lighter,

Quatre

***

AC0196-04-17

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: trowa..barton..icm..colony

S: RE: bothered

I find it suspicious too. X-18999 is a very small colony, but if he went into hiding to die, then why make the obituary public at all? It doesn't quite add up - I'll keep an eye on the news for anything else sketchy that could relate to it.

***

AC0196-04-15

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

S: RE: Still on L4

Yes, I entirely think there's something going on between Trowa & Quatre, but neither has confirmed or denied it to me.

Would I be crazy to think the same thing of Relena and Dorothy?

Relena's finally decided to hold a small ceremony for Zechs and give him a grave marker in Sanc's cemetery, which has gotten Noin off of her back, but she actually seems more interested in planning, of all things, her birthday party. I hacked the logs and saw that she's been on ICM-vc almost every day this week, talking to Dorothy about it. I didn't watch all of the logs, just skimmed enough to be certain of their content.

She's inviting all of the world leaders and government officials, a very formal affair on May 8th. Lady Une seems to have taken it as a sign that she's doing better, because we may be heading back into space after the party for a series of conferences regarding the new trade laws.

Maybe I know what it means, but would rather hear you tell me yourself.

***

AC0196-04-17

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: ARGH

Hey Heero!

Of course you're planning to come back to space almost exactly the day Quatre already has us scheduled to go back to Earth – he wants to take me, of all things, to real restaurants, and after he was so insulted about the pizza…

OK, really, we're trying to distract ourselves. We just got news today that Sally's not coming back to the space clean-up when it kicks in again in May. She's joining up with the Preventers, working under Lady Une. Quatre and I aren't sure what to do. We've both admitted to feeling awkward without her in charge, not to mention the fact that it just… doesn't feel like the right place for either of us to be? I don't know where the right place is or how to tell when I find it.

So, Relena's birthday… sounds like a whole lot of fun! Ahaha… or maybe not. But yeah, the bit with her and Dorothy is weird – why didn't you just listen to everything? Maybe there's some dirty talk in the middle that you missed!!!

I'm inspired by that topic: Do you have a birthday?

I don't, but I've been thinking that maybe I'll just pick one out for myself. Everyone should have a day for themselves, right?

Is there anything grosser than quail?

"…………………." means I'm thinking about the last time we were sweaty in the same space.

Happy now?

--D

***

AC0196-04-20

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

S: RE: ARGH

I have to head to Luxembourg tomorrow. I want to be present for the discussion about the weapons proposal.

I don't know what my birthday is. I've never really cared.

Relena wants to invite you and Quatre and Trowa to her birthday party. I'm not sure if it's a friendly gesture towards me or some sort of calculated ploy to make herself look good with the world leaders by showing what good friends she is with the "war heroes" – it makes me vaguely uncomfortable either way, but would you mind? Go ahead and ask Quatre for me as well.

That's not bad imagery.

***

AC0196-04-20

F: trowa..barton..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: Invitation

I'm not much for small talk, so I'll get right to the point:

Relena wants to invite you (and Duo and Quatre) to her birthday party.

Would it be acceptable?

***

AC0196-04-22

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: ahahaha!

H--

Relena's birthday party?! I wouldn't miss it for anything! It's bound to be hilarious in some way – besides, it's an excuse for all of us to get together. Quatre thinks it would be impolite not to attend, anyways.

No question back?

--D

***

AC0196-04-24

F: trowa..barton..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: RE: Invitation

Heero,

I should be able to attend, but it might be difficult sending me an invitation, so you can just inform Relena of my response, if you don't mind.

It will be good to see everyone again.

Trowa

***

AC0196-04-24

F: trowa..barton..icm..colony

T: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

S: Relena's party

Quatre,

Heero informed me that we've all been invited to Relena's birthday party. I do hope that you and Duo will be there!

I think that you were very brave to write that letter and I wish I could have been there for moral support. I promise, the first thing I'll do when we see each other is give you the hug you should have gotten that day.

In addition to the flute, I play some of the other woodwinds – clarinet, saxophone, oboe (but not very well). I don't sing very much, but I have played some bass, both acoustic and electric. I tried guitar, but it just wasn't for me.

Looking forward to seeing you!

Trowa

***

AC0196-04-26

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: trowa..barton..icm..colony

S: RE: RE: Invitation

Understood.

***

AC0196-04-26

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

S: back in Sanc

I'm glad to hear you'll both be attending – Relena's already set aside lodgings for all of us. The preparations have already begun, even though the event is still more than a week away. It's going to be quite a shindig.

Zechs, or rather, Millardo's ceremony was today. Relena didn't speak, but Noin did, and was a bit choked up by the end of it. It was small - simple but dignified – and Relena insisted it be closed to any press, which was rather unusual of her.

I didn't realize it was my turn to ask a question.

***

AC0196-04-27

F: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

T: trowa..barton..icm..colony

S: RE: Relena's party

Dear Trowa,

I'm absolutely thrilled that we'll all be together again soon! I hope Catherine didn't take the news too hard, but you didn't say whether you'd even told her yet.

I'm bringing my violin, so bring your flute – maybe we can play something for Relena?

Excited,

Quatre

***

AC0196-04-28

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: RE: back in Sanc

Maybe there's hope for Relena after all?

And telling me you didn't realize it wasn't your turn isn't a question, Yuy! It's a cop-out!

We're leaving tomorrow for Earth, so Quatre can torture me with other bizarre food, but we should get to Sanc the night before the party.

Looking forward to the party!

Looking forward to seeing you!

Looking forward to… other things… *sneaky grin*

--D

***

_o/~ So i'll let you go_

_I'll set you free_

_And when you see what you need to see_

_When you find you come back to me_

_Come back to me ~/o_


	23. Ch 23 Breakaway

**Author's Notes:** This feels like it's been the longest winter of my life. Writing this chapter set in May gave me an outlet to express my desire for warmer weather and blooming flowers. I can can admit to you now that this chapter and the next are pure unrepentant (mostly) fluff. Just don't expect it to last forever, as Endless Waltz still looms in the distance.

Things have been a little crazy lately - H's wallet got stolen at the campus bookstore and the girl that stole it (caught on tape) took our debit card to Bloomingdale's and spent over $600. *headdesk* Cross your fingers that the bank gets the tape and gives the $ back to us soon.

Much love to my reviewers - you definitely inspire me to keep going on rough days.

**KS: **Your comment from last time reads like a preview of this chapter and re-reading it now makes me giggle. I hope you enjoy this one.

**Snow:** I laughed *really* hard at your quail story. Ah, coincidences... Want you to know that I really enjoyed the amusement park chapters. I actually have a weird obsession with the idea of old abandoned amusement parks - I blame an old book and an old movie from childhood, but can't recall either title. So you really hit my buttons in return! Ah, coincidences!

**Caedi:** The bad news: we probably won't hear from Wu Fei until EW The good news: I've got plans that go past EW, through the 4 months preceding Episode Zero's Preventer mission and then onwards towards... well, I can't give it _all _away!

**roninlvr: **Thank you so much for your compliments on the last chapter. I really wasn't sure how well the unusual chapter was going to be received, but I'd had it in my mind to write it in that style for a long time. They have grown a lot, sometimes not entirely in the ways I first expected - but they have a loong way to go.

**violet: **Thanks for reviewing! It always means a lot to me when people take the time to comment and share their thoughts. I actually sat donw and scripted anything in the series worth using - I'm anal-retentive about things matching up because I love the believability factor that goes into it - it's so easy to imagine everything happening off camera!

Wow, there are now 41 people that have this story on alert! Thank you so much! Even though I don't hear personally from all of you, I love to know that you're enjoying the story enough to want to know what happens next. I can't believe it's been around a year since I first started drawing up outlines and writing the initial chapters.

Hoping for spring!

--D

* * *

**Chapter 23 – Breakaway**

_o/~ Grew up in a small town__  
And when the rain would fall down__  
I'd just stare out my window  
Dreaming of what could be  
And if I'd end up happy  
I would pray o/~_

Heero stood patiently just inside the door of Relena's office waiting for her to finish a phone call and found himself glad for the momentary respite from the frenzied party preparations. His friends were all due to arrive within the hour and he was eager to get away from the castle to go greet them. It wasn't because he didn't know how to answer if someone happened to ask him where they should set up the audio system or how to get to the kitchen or what wing the French Ambassador was staying in… he generally knew the answers. But the idea that everyone realized that… it was simply a little uncomfortable. Heero preferred his anonymity, and in Sanc, it was quickly dwindling. He would have thought that working out in the city most days, no one would know who he was, but it seemed lately as if everyone around Relena, anyone that worked for Sanc and its rebuilding, seemed to know his true role. _Not that anyone could actually define or label that role, but… they still seem to know that my opinion is valuable to Relena, and she is still, despite her objections, their Princess._

"Heero?"

The lilt of Relena's voice as she stood and came around her desk was lighter than the heavy-handed politician on the phone and it startled him out of his thoughts. "Relena."

"Are you leaving for the airport now?" She didn't head towards him, but moved to the glass doors that led out onto the balcony, pushing one open to let the warm spring breeze in.

Heero crossed the room to follow Relena as she stepped out onto the balcony, looking out over the gardens as people ran back and forth making final preparations. "Train first, to meet Trowa. I've got the billing slip for the bakery here for you to sign – I'll drop it back to them before I leave."

"The weather is amazing… it feels more like June," Relena replied, wrapping both hands around the railing and leaning out into the sunlight. "Some of the roses have bloomed early. They were always Milliardo's favorite when we were children." She paused for a moment and glanced over her shoulder to smile at Heero where he was leaning casually against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest. "I did this for him, Heero…"

Heero said nothing, sensing her need to unburden her mind, and after another pause, she continued.

"I know how much Sanc meant to him, always… what he thought he sacrificed for its preservation. It was the least I could do for my brother – re-building this place, as exactly as old blueprints and my memories could design… it was the only thing I could think to do for what little ghost of who-he-once-was that still hovers in the air here. It doesn't mean the same thing to me… it never has, and it probably never will. But I just thought…"

Relena's voice cracked and Heero saved her pride by interrupting. "I'm certain he would have appreciated it. Though his methods were questionable, I think we both know that in his own way, he meant the best for you and Sanc, for --"

"I know," she cut him off, a bright smile on her face as she turned to face him, holding out her hand for the delivery slip to sign. "Don't let me make you late to meet your friends."

But before Heero could hand it to her, there was a knock on the office door and Relena brushed quickly by him, heading back inside to answer it. "Princess Relena!"

_Princess?_ _No one actually calls her that to her face._ Heero had already taken a step inside and Dorothy stopped abruptly as she caught sight of him.

"… and Heero."

"Dorothy, you're early!" Relena finally and awkwardly exclaimed in surprise.

"Dorothy," Heero greeted her, raising one eyebrow as he held out the bakery's billing slip to Relena again. "Good to see you've fully recovered from any injuries sustained during the war."

Dorothy's gaze narrowed a little and she stepped closer to Relena as she signed the paper and handed it back to Heero. "Are you asking me for a re-match, Heero?"

Relena looked back and forth between them somewhat nervously, but Heero waited until he was halfway out the door to toss back over his shoulder. "Wouldn't want you to spend the party at the hospital." As the door clicked shut behind him, he could hear Relena's voice hiss softly.

"I thought I told you not to call me that in public!"

*******

"Duo, put your seatbelt back on! Our wheels have barely hit the ground!" Quatre's words were lost on his friend as the air carrier slowed to a stop, but he smiled to himself as Duo moved to unlock and open the heavy door, glad to see the other boy in such high spirits. _He's been so moody since the attack on the clean-up crews happened…_

"Don't give me that bullshit, Quat," Duo chirped back as he set the now open door back into its holding place. "I know you're just as excited as I am to be here!" Grinning, he gave Quatre the peace sign before ducking his head out the door, waiting impatiently for the Sanc airport team to move the staircase into place. _I would just climb down the wing and wheel, but then Quatre might really have a fit._ Blinking under the bright sunlight, he held up one hand to shield his eyes as he scanned the ground and then his face broke into a grin. "Heero! Trowa!"

Heero lifted a hand in greeting as Duo ran down the stairs, a blur of black and red and flying braid that nearly tackled him to the ground. "Hey…" he murmured, hugging him tightly, surprised at the sudden knot forming in his gut.

Duo gave himself just a moment to bury his face in the curve where Heero's neck met his shoulder and breath in his familiar scent. "Hey…" Duo echoed, much softer than his initial greeting. He lifted his head to meet Heero's eyes, his mind churning torrentially with all of the hopes and fears, dreams and likes and dislikes they'd written into those letters. _Should I expect Heero to treat me any differently? Did anything we wrote change things between us? _There was so much he wanted to say, wanted to do, but Quatre was coming down the stairs and Trowa was standing just behind Heero, trying to be polite. Pulling back a bit reluctantly, Duo smiled at Heero, certain he'd felt the same current of electricity run between them just now, and Heero smiled back, which calmed his nerves a little.

"Have you gotten taller?" Trowa questioned in surprise as he hugged Duo lightly, pretending to measure the braided boy's height against his own.

"Shh!" Duo hissed, bringing a finger to his lips. "Don't say that or Quatre will think his new meal plans are having a positive effect!"

Trowa raised an eyebrow, but before he could respond, Quatre had reached them, hugging Heero first before moving towards Trowa and Duo. "Quatre," Trowa said warmly, stepping forward to embrace his friend, crushing him quickly to his chest in the comforting way he'd wanted to for a long time. "That's the one I owe you," he whispered in his ear, pulling back a little with a grin at the surprised flush on the blond's cheeks. "And here's another one for now." He pulled Quatre against him a second time, this time nearly lifting him off the ground.

Duo bit his lip and nudged Heero lightly as they watched their two friends, but not wanting to embarrass either of them, Heero turned and headed back towards the terminal. "There's a car waiting for us, per Relena's request." he called back. "The party starts in about two hours."

Quatre and Trowa parted as Duo jogged a little to catch up with him. "And the mobile suits?"

"We'll store them where Noin and I keep ours, below the castle," he answered. "Someone will bring yours bags over as well."

"Hmm… is this what it feels like to be royalty?"

"Very funny, Maxwell."

*******

Duo found himself regretting his earlier jokes once they reached Sanc Castle. It didn't look much of anything like the towers and turrets and moats he'd seen in pictures – in fact, most of it looked more like the school he and Heero had posed at together, what was beginning to feel like a lifetime ago. Of course, as Quatre had insisted on explaining to him, Sanc Kingdom was more of a city built around the school now, had been for several hundred years, but the building on the grounds that the Peacecraft family used to occupy was still referred to as the castle. It did admittedly look a little bit more elegant and castle-like than everything else, but it still wasn't what Duo was expecting. None of this bothered him at all until they were shown to a suite overlooking the gardens and he realized that "party clothes" had already been laid out for them in the main sitting room.

"What is this stuff? Is that really… ruffles?" Duo gaped at the clothes as Trowa picked up a shirt with a smirk.

"Come on, Duo – I've worn stranger things during circus acts."

"Yes, but those are called _costumes_," he emphasized as Trowa disappeared into one of the four bedrooms, wondering why he was the only one who found the white suits strange.

Quatre looked up from where he was pulling his violin case out of the pile of bags that had been waiting for them when they arrived, already dressed. "It's a formal event, Duo."

"Like black tie? Then why are we all wearing white?" he bemoaned as Heero came out of his room, also already dressed, and picked the clothes up off of the couch to place them in Duo's hands.

"It's Sanc Kingdom tradition," Quatre explained in amusement as Heero turned Duo towards his room and gave him a playful push. "And no, not black tie. That's very old-fashioned. In Sanc, all of the royals, nobles and students have always worn white. It's an honor that Relena considers us part of her… entourage, for lack of a better word."

Duo pouted slightly even as he marched towards his room. "But _ruffles? Seriously?_"

Ignoring him, Quatre stood up and brushed himself off, adjusting his vest a little. The outfits were very similar to what he and Heero had worn the last time they visited the kingdom, but he still remembered how much Heero had disliked them at first too. Biting back an undignified snicker by pretending to clear his throat, Quatre leaned closer to Heero to whisper "Don't be too hard on him," and then resumed speaking in a normal tone of voice. "Heero, I'm going to take Trowa with me to the music halls so that we can practice together. We're going to play something at the party, a small birthday gift. Will you let me know when our violist arrives?"

"Violist?" Trowa said in surprise as he returned, flute case in hand. "Have you already picked out some music?"

From the other room, Duo missed the end of the conversation as Trowa and Quatre departed, but he just barely registered the words "birthday gift" and felt his stomach drop. _Do I need to give her a gift too?_ He hardly knew Relena, and unfortunately, most of what he knew of her wasn't entirely pleasant. They had nothing in common as far as he could tell, and if it wasn't for the fact that all of his friends were here, he doubted that he would have shown up. That thought made him feel even guiltier than the idea of not having a present for her, and it was then that he noticed Heero's reflection in the mirror as he came to stand in the doorway, watching Duo fight with the ruffled _thing_ on the front of his shirt. "I feel ridiculous!" he complained playfully. "Is this really what everyone's going to dress like? I won't fit in at all! And I don't have a gift! Can't we just stay here?" He tried to make his statements sound like a joke, but they were laced with the truth. He wasn't really that bothered by the clothing or the party, the gift was only somewhat troubling… _I just… want the party to be over already._

"Let me…" Heero said, crossing the room as Duo turned to face him. "We can't stay here, because not only would it be really rude, but Quatre would never let us hear the end of it. Relena probably wouldn't either." Duo sighed in exasperation and Heero took that as permission to step closer and untangle the tie. He could tell that Duo was feeling a little bit out of place and placated him by answering each remark. "Yes, everyone really dresses like this, and I don't think Relena will care about the gift. You should just… be yourself." Less than a hand's reach away, he could feel the warmth radiating off of Duo's body as he re-tied and adjusted the frill, and when he moved to step back, Duo caught one of his wrists sharply to stop him.

"…I've missed you." Duo watched the flickers of emotion pass over Heero's face and wondered if the other boy's thoughts echoed any of his own. _Just seeing him again, just standing here in the same room and trying to process that he wrote every word of those letters to me…_ Duo could hear his heartbeat in his ears in the silence of the room, starting to race.

Heero lifted one hand to brush the bangs out of Duo's face and then he leaned in to close the small amount of space left between them. They kissed softly once, twice, and then Heero caught Duo's bottom lip between his teeth and tugged lightly. Duo let go of Heero's wrist to wind both arms around his waist, pulling their bodies snug against one another as Heero curled one hand into the base of Duo's braid.

"I've missed you too," Heero finally breathed against Duo's lips before claiming them again, stifling a groan as Duo's mouth opened under his assault. The knot in his stomach seemed to burn as Heero pinned the other boy to the wall, shoving a knee roughly between his legs as Duo fought him for dominance of the kiss. _This is why I can't sleep at night._

"Sure we… can't stay here?" Duo gasped breathlessly as Heero broke away to lay a line of kisses down his neck, pausing when the very same frill he'd tied kept him from going any farther. He considered Duo's suggestion as the braided boy slid one hand down to squeeze his ass, but froze when there was a sharp knock on the door.

"Quatre? Heero?"

Heero ignored the whispered string of curses coming from Duo as he paused to straighten his clothes in the mirror before heading to the door to greet Noin. "Trowa and Quatre have already left," he said as he pulled the door open, surprised to find Noin in a very well-fitted navy blue dress and heels.

"There's a viola player at the front door looking for Quatre," Noin started, pausing as Duo came up behind Heero and both boys stared at her in surprise.

"Nice…dress…" Duo said slowly, giving her an ear-splitting grin and a thumbs up.

"Relena insisted," Noin turned positively red as she choked the words out, which only made Duo grin harder, and Heero couldn't help but crack a smile himself. "And Heero, do you know where the bakery put the cake? I've checked every refrigerator and the tent and it's nowhere to be found."

*******

_o/~ Trying hard to reach out  
But when I tried to speak out  
Felt like no one could hear me  
Wanted to belong here  
But something felt so wrong here  
So I'd pray  
I could break away ~/o_

*******

"Beethoven – Serenade in D for flute, violin and viola, Op. 25," Quatre said in a breathless rush as he handed the music to Trowa on their way to the practice hall.

"Beethoven? Really?" Trowa replied, his eyes widening a little as he flipped it open and began to scan the first movement, a rather chipper march opened by the flute.

"I know!" The blond grinned as he pushed open the door to his favorite hall, the one where he'd come to play the grand piano when he and Heero had last been in Sanc. He could tell immediately that some of the stained glass was different now – the colored patterns created by the sunlight filtering through were not exactly the same as in his memory – but the room has been wonderfully restored. "Back in the 19th century, pre-colony timeline, it was very common to replace one of the violins with a flute when performing one of his string quartets and so he never really wrote any chamber works with the flute. This Serenade is the only substantial piece flute piece he ever wrote."

Setting his case down on one of the couches in the room, Trowa took a moment to look around the room before responding. "I admit to being impressed by your obscure musical knowledge of the ancient composers, but I have to ask – why Beethoven?"

"Why indeed," Quatre replied, setting his violin case down beside Trowa's flute case and sliding onto the piano bench. "Other than the sheer fact that he is one of the most brilliant composers to have ever lived…" He played a flourish up and down the piano, a few measures of this or that piano sonata or symphony, so fast Trowa could barely recall the names, and then paused to lean closer, whispering conspiratorially. "He happens to be one of Relena's favorites."

"Brilliant _and_ charming," Trowa teased, turning to walk back to the couch. He bent to open the case, popping his flute together in a few clicks. "And before you protest, I can flatter you all I want."

Quatre flushed, rising to head to the closet and pull out two music stands. "Just know that I keep your around for your wit and talent, Barton – not the compliments." Returning to set the stands by the piano, he removed his bow from the case and began to rosin it, his cheeks still a little pink.

"But you don't mind those either." Trowa flipped open the music on the stand and with his back to Quatre, smiled to himself. He had been a little worried about their friendship, being so out of touch in the last few months, but back in the same room as Quatre, he found that he actually felt a lot less awkward than he had when they'd parted ways back on the satellite. _Perhaps words to words, it was easier for both of us to let the past go… stop blaming each other or ourselves._

"Trowa?" Quatre reached to touch the taller boy's arm, worried when he lapsed into silence, but Trowa merely placed his own hand over Quatre's to reassure him. "So, tell me about this piece?"

"Six movements in the form of a Classical divertimento – but exchanging the second minuet for a scherzo." The words tumbled out of Quatre's mouth reflexively, but for a moment, all of his senses were focused on the warmth of Trowa's hand covering his own.

"Start at the beginning?" Trowa suggested. "Should be able to sight-read most of it, but we can stop and work out the… kinks…" Lifting his hand, he took a step back and brought his flute up, waiting for Quatre's confirmation.

Quatre reached to pluck his violin out of the case, tuning it quickly thanks to his nearly-perfect pitch, and then he nodded to Trowa.

They'd only played together once before, but it didn't feel that way as they wove their way through the piece, sensing each other's phrasing and breathing intuitively. It wasn't always easy for a wind player and a string player to find each other's rhythm, but they were having no trouble. _It's not unlike the battlefield._ Quatre thought to himself as they approached the frenzied sixth movement scherzo. _Knowing when to back off, when to push forward… if one shot or one note off by a split second, the harmony is ruined… but ours is flawless - perhaps we know each other more deeply than we realize._

The music rose and fell around them, echoing in the hall, and Trowa knew he was feeling joy for the first time in months. Quatre had chosen this as their dialogue and as his fingers fluttered over the keys, he thought he could almost hear the sentiments expressed without words. When they reached the final chord, he slowly lowered his flute, breathing a little heavily as he stared at the other boy, but Quatre's eyes did not leave his. Very slowly, as if time was molasses engulfing them, he set his flute down on the couch and reached to take Quatre's violin out of his hands.

It would be nearly impossible to call either of them the initiator because they simply flowed towards each other simultaneously, melting into a kiss far more passionate than any they'd shared thus far. Devouring each other's mouths, Trowa back-peddled Quatre right into the side of the piano before lifting him up and onto it. Quatre threaded his hands into Trowa's hair and wrapped both legs around him, pulling their hips in snug to grind against each other - and never once did their kiss falter.

"Hot damn." Duo clamped a hand over his mouth in surprise as he stepped into the room and pulled the door softly shut behind him, but his friends jumped apart like they'd been burned, both turning to look at him with similarly sheepish expressions.

"Duo…" Trowa greeted him, trying desperately to keep a straight face despite his ragged breathing.

"It's… not what it looks like?" Quatre started weakly, biting his lip and knowing full well that they'd been caught. _I'm still sitting on top of the piano, after all._

Duo couldn't help but laugh - long and loud - at the expressions on both of their faces. _I can't wait to tell Heero. _"Oh, I think it's exactly what I think it is – not that I have any room to talk – I just came to tell you that your violist is here."

*******

In his memory, it was all rubble.

It had been the type of afternoon that made him wonder if he really _was_ dead and the surreal scenes he'd witnessed during his search of the castle grounds were just a part of his fucked-up version of an afterlife.

But as he stumbled away from the stained glass windows of the music hall, he recalled that he'd never been able to smell in dreams.

The garden was an onslaught to his senses.

He should have been dead and he wasn't and he didn't know yet what to do about it.

*******

By the time the party began, Duo decided he had learned at least one thing about Relena – she had excellent taste – but it hadn't helped him a bit in figuring out what to give her for her birthday.

The sun was just starting to disappear behind the edge of the mountains, leaving a rolling mass of puffy clouds turned rose and violet in its wake, as the guests began to take their seats at the candlelit tables. As if Relena had taken a cue from the sunset, all of the flowers were gorgeous pinks, peaches and yellows that were warm and bright against the white linens, and strings of twinkling lights were hung from arches covered in greenery. Duo stood for a long time at the edge of the crowd, admiring the scenery and letting his mouth water with the scents drifting outside from the kitchen, until Heero found him and apologized for his lengthy disappearance.

"No worries - the most important question," Duo chided as they wove their way around the table searching for their name cards. "Did you find the cake?"

"I did find the cake," he replied with a bemused expression. "It was in the kitchen all along – just in a very non-descript box. Why do you care?"

"I'm looking forward to eating it!"

"Hmm… from what I hear, Quatre won't let you if you don't eat your vegetables."

Duo glared at him playfully, wondering why this joke seemed to be the new favorite among his friends, but deep down it made him happy to have silly antics with them. It had been a really long time since he'd experienced that kind of group banter, and it made it a little easier to look back on some of those rough early days with Solo and his friends on the street. _Times I used to try not to think about, but… maybe it hurts a little less now._

Trowa and Quatre were already waiting for them at the table, and as soon as everyone was seated, Relena made her entrance, walking through the center of the tent and greeting everyone as she passed by. Her dress was the same pink as the flowers, but to Duo, that was the only way she looked any different than the last time he'd seen her. _But it already feels like a lifetime ago. _"This is weird." Duo was the first to speak as dinner began to be served, as honest as ever.

"The party?" Heero asked as he picked at the salad. A glance over at Duo showed that the other boy hadn't even touched it, but he'd already eaten his way through half of the basket of bread on the table.

"Or the food?" Quatre smiled a little as he reached to pluck Duo's knife from the butter, setting it down on the edge of his plate instead, happy as he looked around the table at the faces of his friends. _Weird or not, it feels good to be here._

"Being together again?" Trowa added, his hand underneath the table sliding over to squeeze Quatre's leg lightly. _How could I have thought of giving this up?_

"All of that," Duo replied with a shake of his head, pretending he hadn't seen Quatre correct his table manners. It was old habit by now and he could admit that sometimes he did things wrong just see if it would irk his friend. _All part of the joke. _"Being together while not fighting for our lives? It still feels… weird."

There was a moment of silence that seemed to signal everyone's agreement with the statement and then Quatre changed the subject. "I'm really glad that everyone kept in touch," he started quickly. "But I was wondering what upcoming plans you have?"

Duo raised an eyebrow at this, but seeing as he'd just stuffed half of another roll into his mouth, he waited to see what his other friends would say in response. He and Quatre had spent most of their recent time on L4 or at various other Winner properties, and even though the clean-up wasn't scheduled to begin again until the autumn, they hadn't really decided whether to return without Sally leading it. _All I seem to be doing lately… waiting for my friends to tell me what their plans are and tagging along._

"Just back to the circus," Trowa said with a shrug. "But I assume you're asking for a reason other than curiosity?"

"Plans are somewhat sketchy," Heero added, pausing a moment to wait as their plates were cleared in preparation for the next course. "Relena has two weeks of conferences scheduled in India starting in a few days, but I may have some other work alongside… have you all heard about the outcome of the Preventers' weapons' bill?"

"Only that it passed," Quatre said. "And that the new government's insistence on de-militarization continues to focus on mobile suits."

Heero frowned and nodded slowly. "As hard as Lady Une, Noin and I fought it, they refused to let even the Preventers keep mobile suits. The entire defense force is really going to end up as more of an intelligence agency with weapons training, defense training..."

"And that's supposed to prevent another war?" Duo suddenly snapped out. "I mean, I know there's peace now, but am I the only one paranoid enough to worry that everyone's being just a little too idealistic? Look at what happened--"

"Duo," Quatre said sharply as the braided boy's voice rose in volume, causing a few other guests to glance their way, and after a moment, Duo grumbled a little as he sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. "We're all aware that remnants of White Fang still exist, that terrorist groups on Earth are still causing problems… which brings me back to my original reason behind my question."

"I _knew_ there was a reason," Trowa made a conspiratorial face across the table at Duo, whose expression softened a little, and Quatre look a moment to give them both mock-glares. _We've all bonded in our own ways through those letters, and slowly the layers reveal themselves._

"You want to know why the government has ignored us completely so far," Heero supplied smoothly, not even looking up as he carefully carved his meat into small pieces. "Why we're outside their jurisdiction? Or are we?"

"I hadn't even thought about it," Duo's eyes widened a little as he sat up again and looked at Heero in surprise. "I guess because we've been mostly on our own for so long."

"Exactly," Heero nodded to him and then addressed Quatre again. "The new government sees us… not as heroes, per se, but… we're not perceived as a threat to peace. I think that there may be some voices, especially among those previously associated with OZ, who are content, at least currently, to let us exist as a failsafe. To answer your previous question more fully - Lady Une, now Secretary of Defense, is also the new director of the Preventers. She's already asked me if I would design training modules for them to use at the academy they're going to be establishing over the summer. The first set of recruits, very carefully hand-selected, is going to begin training this fall."

"That's what you meant by other work," Trowa nodded in appreciation of Heero's plans. "Are you planning on joining the Preventers, then?"

Heero hesitated for a moment, though he kept his gaze trained on Trowa. "No. I honestly won't even consider it."

Heero offered no further explanation for his decision as he resumed eating his dinner and after an awkward moment of silence, Quatre decided to leave the matter alone and push forward. _After all, I'm not planning on joining the Preventers either, so what place do I have to question why Heero's decided the same?_ "Along the line of failsafe," he started slowly, tapping fingers nervously on the edge of the table, uncertain of how his friends would perceive his proposition. "I've been sketching out possible modifications and upgrades in my spare time."

"What spare time?" Duo blurted out, his fork halfway to his mouth with the last bite of something delicious with creamy sauce that he could not identify. _Between space clean-up, business meetings and family meetings, ICM's and teleconferences… Quatre never seems to sleep, but he finds time to design Gundam upgrades?_

Quatre colored slightly at the remark, but continued to explain. "I suppose I agree with Duo – I'm afraid of being too idealistic. Until we do hear from the new government one way or the other, I'd rather keep our Gundams and ourselves in perfect condition. I know that… that each of us wants to move on now, but…" he hesitated, waiting for a reaction.

Silence fell around the table again and surprisingly, it was Trowa who broke it this time. "The mission may be over, but… if war were to start again, could any of us sit here and say we would not be involved?"

"Howard's back on Earth," Duo offered quietly. _Why do I feel like there's a weight lifting off of me?_

"I think it's an excellent idea," Heero added thoughtfully, his mind already spinning possibilities. "And far easier to do working together, Howard or not – not to mention, having all of your help with the training modules would make them that much more versatile and seamless."

"Then it's decided!" Quatre clasped his hands together excitedly. "All we need is the where-and-when. We'll need somewhere with a lot of space and little population, for safe testing…"

"I want to speak to Relena and Noin," Heero cut in quickly. "I've already agreed to go to India next week, but perhaps after that… this work for the Preventers needs to be done before the summer is through, and that would be far easier if I didn't have to play bodyguard."

A tingling fork against a glass reverberated through the garden and the crowd began to quiet as Noin stood up. "In ten minutes, we're going to open the floor for dancing!"

"Oh, that's our cue!" Quatre leaned closer to Duo to whisper something, and when the other boy nodded, the two musicians stood and quietly edged away from the tables.

"They want to play first, and I'm introducing them!" Duo leaned in to whisper an explanation to Heero and then ran off to join his friends, leaving Heero alone at the table to ponder their conversation. Despite his convoluted commitment to Relena, he felt he had been open and upfront about his thoughts on the issues. Quatre had as well, but Heero wasn't convinced that his zeal didn't have something to do with needing a new excuse to escape his family. Trowa had predictably hidden behind the circus and Duo had… Well, Duo hadn't really given away much of what he was thinking at all, beyond his obvious anger at what had happened to the clean-up crews.

_Was he bothered by my answer to Trowa? Is he thinking of joining the Preventers?_ Heero wondered if he should have tried to talk to Duo about the subject before responding so sharply, but what was done was done, and he wasn't going to change his mind about it. The moment Relena had irreversibly taken the Preventers out of his hands, he'd known he couldn't do it anymore. He could not work for the government or take orders from anyone else after living with his own moral compass as his law. It just wasn't possible. It didn't mean he had figured out what to do next – he simply knew what he _wasn't_ going to do next.

Rising as the rest of the crowd began to shuffle towards the open pavilion being used as the dance floor, he made his way over to where his friends were setting up their instruments. The crowd had shifted towards them as if sensing something was about to happen, so he found a place along the edge where he could watch unobtrusively as Duo walked out in front of them with an easy grin on his face.

"Good evening, ladies and gents'… I'm proud to present my good friends Trowa Barton on flute and Quatre Raberba Winner on violin, and their violist, Astala Chandler, playing a birthday gift for the _lovely_ Relena - Serenade in D for flute, violin and viola, Op. 25, by Ludwig van Beethoven."

Heero bit back a smirk when Duo emphasized the word lovely, and his mind drifted as the music began to play. Somewhere in the middle of the last movement, he was startled out of his thoughts by a hand on his elbow. Thinking for a moment that Duo had come to find him, he offered a small smile as he turned away from the music, only to realize belatedly that it was Relena.

Relena didn't even seem to notice his smile as she tugged on his sleeve, drawing them away a little bit so that he could hear her when she leaned in closer. "I need you to dance with me."

"What?"

"Please, Heero," she hissed, glancing quickly around as if she was looking to see if someone was watching them. "Noin wants me to start off the dancing."

Heero frowned, glancing around himself, but Trowa and Quatre were still playing and he couldn't even find Duo in the crowd from where he was standing. "Can't you ask someone else?"

"Like the dignitaries who all came with their wives? Please, just one dance. I already know you can dance. It's my birthday. Don't make me beg."

Relena's hand had moved from his elbow down his arm until she finally clasped one of his hands between both of hers. _On one hand, she's definitely abusing the fact that it's her birthday to get her way… but on the other hand, she's oddly frantic for such a simple occasion…_ Heero weighed the decision in his mind, more curious than annoyed, but he never had the chance to answer her properly as a spotlight suddenly blinded him completely.

"There she is!" Noin's voice rang out over the party-goers as she gestured for Relena to come forward. Other musicians had set up beside Trowa and Quatre, who it appeared had been asked to stay on and play some more. Heero only barely registered what was happening as Relena tugged him by the hand into the center of the group and by then, it was too late to say no. _Not that I'd made my mind up…_

Relena beamed her brightest politician grin at Heero as she placed one hand on his shoulder, but it was nothing like the smile she'd given him that afternoon. After a moment, she breathed an inward sigh of relief as other couples quickly joined them on the dance floor. They said nothing while they danced, but when it was over, Relena leaned in to kiss Heero's cheek, whispering her thanks before turning and disappearing immediately into the crowd at the edge of the pavilion.

"What was that all about?" Heero muttered to himself, tempted to follow her and ask, but he was more concerned about Duo. The entire dance had been vaguely awkward and even though he'd spent most of it scanning the crowd, he still hadn't been able to spot the other boy anywhere. Circling the dance floor towards his other friends, he waited for a break in the music to ask them, but neither had seen Duo since his introduction. A quick scan of the tables and dance floor confirmed that he wasn't with the other guests. Heading inside the castle, Heero first checked the kitchen and then tried their rooms, but he didn't find Duo in either of those places.

After a frustrating third loop around the castle, Heero had just decided to head back outside when he heard muffled voices coming from Relena's office. Doubling back, he inched carefully towards the door and leaned his ear against the heavy wood, reaching carefully to try the handle. _Unlocked…_ The voices were too soft for him to tell who it was. _Security is an issue with so many people present…_ If someone unauthorized was in her office, he ought to apprehend them, and if it turned out to be Relena herself, no harm done.

Heero pushed the door open, lamenting the fact that he didn't have a gun, and froze the moment his eyes re-focused on the scene in front of him.

Relena was sitting on her desk in profile, her legs wrapped around the waist of one Dorothy Catalonia, ankles linked daintily. Relena's hands were tangled in Dorothy's blonde mane as they kissed and Heero could tell just how far up her legs Dorothy's hands were, as the skirt of the fluttery pink party dress did not quite conceal them.

"H-Heero!" Relena squeaked, breaking the kiss as she turned and realized who had interrupted them.

Heero wasn't shocked – not really. _Relena and… Dorothy? _He'd already put together that they were good friends… though admittedly, his mind hadn't quite gone down _this_ tangent on its own. The spectacle seemed to render him speechless for a moment. _Think, Yuy, think!_

"It's… time for cake."

As he stepped back and closed the door behind him, he could almost hear Duo's voice in his head. "_Smooth."_

_Where is he? _Heero hadn't searched the grounds thoroughly yet – maybe he would find Duo in the gardens.

*******

_o/~ Wanna feel the warm breeze  
Sleep under a palm tree  
Feel the rush of the ocean  
Get onboard a fast train  
Travel on a jetplane  
Far away  
And break away ~/o_

_Okay. Okay… I can admit…that I might just maybe be… the smallest littlest tiniest bit… pissed off._

Duo didn't need to glance over his shoulder as he walked away – he was pretty damn sure that the image was burned into his mind already. He just hadn't been expecting it, it had taken him by surprise…

_Okay, maybe more than a little._

It wasn't that he thought there was anything between Heero and Relena… but seeing them out there dancing together while Quatre and Trowa were playing for everyone… It was lame, it was childish, it was overly dramatic… but it made him feel a little left out… insignificant. _But that feeling comes from the greater whole… the bigger picture of feeling generally out of place, now that the war is over._

Jamming his hands into his pants pockets, Duo sighed and stubbed the toe of one uncomfortable white shoe in the dirt to kick at a pebble as he wandered away from the party. The lines of twinkling lights trailed out into the gardens, woven through the rose bushes, but away from the glow of the party, it was dark enough to see the stars appearing overhead. Finding an ornately carved stone bench to sit on, Duo leaned back and looked up, counting how many colonies he could see mixed in.

How was he supposed to know what to do next? He'd bounced from place to place for so many years before meeting Professor G, and since then, all he had known was the mission, the war, the Gundam… _I don't think I've felt this way since Trowa blew up Deathscythe. Maybe I'm having separation anxiety from my old buddy. _Chuckling a little to himself at the strange irony, he wondered if spending the summer with his friends would help him regain his balance. They all seemed to have a better idea than him about what they did or did not want to do next – or maybe they were just better at pretending. No one seemed to want to talk about it, not really. Oh, they talked about "what to do next", but not one of them had actually asked each other, as far as he knew, "what do you want to do with the rest of your life?" Even in his letters back and forth with Heero about anything and everything, they'd only barely scratched the surface of it. _Where do I want to go? What do I want to do? Who do I want to be?_ Was he really the only one wondering these things?

As he thought about his friends, Duo wondered if he could take any of their paths in the end. Watching Quatre's struggles with the Winner family business made him glad there wasn't anyone expecting anything of him right now. He also knew he had no desire to be caught up in politics like Heero and didn't think Trowa seemed sincerely happy that he'd had an "old life" to return to with the circus. Of all of his friends, Duo sometimes wondered if he should have done as Wu Fei had – disappeared into the void. _Crawled back under the rock I originally came from…_

As distracted as he was, Duo still tensed at the sound of softly approaching footsteps.

"Hey."

"Hey…" Duo felt some of the tension drain away as Heero slid onto the bench next to him, as if just having him there... _it makes everything make more sense_. Stupid dance aside, Duo knew he wasn't really angry at Heero. He was just more and more bothered by how restless and out of place he'd been feeling lately.

"What are you doing out here?" Heero's tone was mild as he glanced at Duo out of the corner of his eye, bothered by the slump he saw in the other boy's shoulders.

Duo's response was light and even as his gaze came down from the stars to rest on a single yellow rose, blooming a hand's reach away, amidst the strings of twinkling lights. "Just… needed some space. Didn't think anyone would miss me."

"Didn't think anyone would miss you?" Heero echoed the words as he turned slightly, sliding one arm along the back of the bench to snag the end of Duo's braid in his hand. "Just because _Queen_ Relena…" he paused for emphasis, hoping Duo would remember all the times they'd written the truth into their letters, into their touches. "…dragged me into one dance with her on her birthday…"

"It's not a big deal," Duo muttered with a small shrug - but there was the hint of a smile on his lips now. _Quinister._

Heero tugged on the end of Duo's hair as he leaned in to whisper sharply into his ear. "Don't be an idiot."

Duo felt a chill go down his spine as Heero's breath ghosted across his neck. "I'm not," he said softly, sliding one hand over to rest on Heero's knee. "I know it didn't, doesn't... mean anything. I was just…"

When Duo paused, Heero tugged the braid again, surprised when he received a small growl in response. "Truth."

"Don't." Duo turned towards Heero, reaching to pull his hair out of the other boy's grasp. "Seriously, it drives me crazy. Long story, some other day. And, well, lost. I was feeling lost, have been feeling lost. Don't know what to do next, don't know how to talk about it – don't know if I _want_ to talk about it, am ready to think about it, about anything. But time – time is a fickle bitch. You do nothing and it still keeps clicking on by."

"I… get it."

"I know. I was just saying…"

"If you decide you want to..."

"I know…"

"Okay."

The strange half-sentences that finished each other's thoughts before they'd even started hung in the air as they lapsed into momentary silence, and then, suddenly:

"You'll never believe what I--"

"While I was looking for you--"

The two boys paused and Duo colored slightly with a soft chuckle, turning to sit sideways on the bench, tucking one leg underneath him so that he and Heero were face to face. "You first."

"Relena's office, ten minutes ago. Relena on the desk, Dorothy's hands up her skirt and they were…"

"_Nooo_ _shit!_" Duo hissed in surprise, his eyes popping wide open as he gaped at Heero. "She… they…" His mouth opened and closed several times - much like a fish - as he processed the image. Imagined it. Realized. "She wanted you as a _decoy_?! AHAHAHA!"

"Shh!" Heero hissed, reaching to clamp a hand over Duo's mouth and glancing back at the path he'd come from a few minutes ago. "We don't need the entire party finding out!" It had briefly occurred to him after the fact that it was highly likely that Relena's strange behavior was linked to her… liaison with Dorothy, and he was grateful that Duo seemed more amused than annoyed about the whole thing.

"And you walked in on it!" Duo spluttered behind Heero's hand as he tried to get a grip on himself. "That makes two of us!"

"Wait, you already knew?" Heero was confused now and he pulled his hand away so that Duo could explain.

"No no no," Duo said, reaching to scratch the back of his head as he caught his breath. "Earlier, when you were off finding the cake – which I still want a piece of – the violist showed up. So I had to go find Trowa and Quatre in the music hall, right? And well, I opened the door and…" Duo leaned in until his nose bumped Heero's as he paused for dramatic effect. "Quatre was _sitting on the piano_, with his legs wrapped around Trowa and their mouths--"

While Heero was glad to finally have confirmation of what he'd suspected all along, he wasn't exactly keen on hearing the details. Taking Duo by the shoulders, he tilted his head to catch the braided boy's lips with his own, finally giving in to what he'd wanted to do since the moment he'd found Duo sitting on the bench all alone.

Duo was momentarily startled, and his breathing hitched once before he responded, melting into the embrace and letting Heero devour his mouth with hungry kisses. He had months-worth to catch up on, after all. It was only when a small bubble of laughter escaped that their kiss broke and Heero eyed him curiously.

"Something funny?"

"Them, us… it's not so different, really," Duo responded with a grin, thinking of his friends. _Everyone else is trying to find a way to connect too. I can see that now._ "I just realized that I've spent so much time thinking about how different I am, we are, or she is - from all of us – I was agonizing about not fitting in, when maybe… maybe all of us do, somehow. Like it or not, we were all a part of it, weren't we? War, peace… no one knows what's coming next. Maybe I should have been thinking… about how we're the same." Duo paused as he felt a light bulb go on in his head and he suddenly jumped up, walking the few steps to the rose bush to snap off the just-bloomed yellow flower. "I can't believe I'm about to say this when I've finally got you alone, but… can we head back to the party for a little while?"

Heero raised an eyebrow, but it was hard to deny Duo when he was all fired up and holding a flower delicately between three fingers. "It _is_ almost time for cake."

_o/~ I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.  
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.  
Make a wish, take a chance,  
Make a change, and break away.  
Out of the darkness and into the sun.  
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.  
I'll take a risk, take a chance,  
Make a change, and break away ~/o_

Indeed, the cake had just been served when the two boys found their way back to the party. Much to Heero's surprise, Duo bypassed the cake to made a beeline straight for where Relena was standing, waiting to be certain everyone had been served. With a flourish, he presented her with the yellow rose. "Happy birthday!"

Blinking at him in surprise, Relena accepted the flower almost automatically, starting when she realized that it was still covered in thorns. "Did you get this from the garden?"

But Duo was already barreling forward and didn't even hear her words. "You don't really know me and I don't really know you – maybe that'll change some day and maybe it won't, but it's not the important part – and I figure that, if there's anything we have in common, at least for now, it's this…" He paused to gesture to the flower, a very serious expression on his face now. "It's what we both fought so hard to protect, in our own ways – Earth. And… and I can respect that."

Relena was momentarily puzzled – caught on the idea that he'd just plucked this rose out of the castle gardens – but when she looked up and saw the sincerity in Duo's eyes, she found herself moved by the gesture. Unsure of whether or not he was expecting a response, she simply hesitated before responding. "Thank you…" Catching Heero's eye over Duo's shoulder as he turned to walk back towards him, she mouthed. "Need to talk to you later!"

Heero nodded almost imperceptibly as Duo reached his side, wondering if he should say anything about what Duo had just done. He had the feeling that no matter if he did or not, he would be thinking about this moment for awhile to come. It turned his stomach around in knots, just like that first night back in the school, when Duo's every word, every action, had set him on fire. _He has a way with words, with gestures… accidental, but so powerful… _It was something about that he just… loved.

"Heero? Ready for cake?" Not noticing the other boy's momentary distraction, Duo grinned and linked his arm through Heero's as they headed back to their table, suddenly caring a little less about whether or not they fit in. _Besides, all the aristocrats are probably well on the way to drunk by now._ "I might need to eat your piece too."

"Not a chance in hell, Maxwell." Heero smirked playfully.

"Ooh! Cake defender!"

*******

He finally found her on the roof, sitting with her knees drawn up to her chest as she gazed out into the darkness beyond the castle grounds and the twinkling lights of the city that led down to the harbor.

Noin wasn't supposed to miss him. Relena wasn't supposed to re-build his childhood home. Peace wasn't real. It wasn't possible.

Why was there suddenly a life worth going back to?

So long… for so long, Zechs had wanted to die, wanted Treize to die, wanted them to be the redeemers.

He'd gotten what he wanted, hadn't he?

He was a ghost.

He was a lost soul.

He wanted to reach out and touch her, but he couldn't.

_o/~ Buildings with a hundred floors  
Swinging around revolving doors  
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me  
Gotta keep movin on movin on  
Fly away  
Break away ~/o_

*******

"Where's Duo?"

Heereo looked up from where he was stacking dishes onto a cart to help out the Castle staff, not surprised at all to see Relena coming towards him, looking every bit her usual calm and composed self. He'd made himself visible enough, deciding it was probably easier to get the conversation over with than to avoid it. "He offered to help carry the extra cake into the kitchen."

"Then I have you to myself for a minute?"

"A minute," Heero agreed, stacking the last two plates he'd been holding.

"I, ah… wanted to talk to you about… about my schedule." She paused, taking a moment to compose herself as if what she was about to say was difficult or delicate in some way. "After we return from India…"

When Relena paused again, Heero realized she was looking for his confirmation. "I'm still coming to India."

"Right…" she said immediately, not quite able to hide her relief. "And after we return, I'm going to take some time… well, not off, exactly, but, I'm going to remain here in Sanc until the re-building is finished."

Heero had to resist the urge to ask if Dorothy was going to be staying for awhile as well, but he was too curious to see if Relena would even bring the topic up. "It could be a few more months." _Is she asking me to stay here in Sanc for that long?_ He glanced towards the door leading to the kitchens, but there was no sign of Duo yet.

"I'll call you back if I'm going to leave the kingdom."

Heero turned towards her in genuine surprise. "Are you… dismissing me?" _She still thinks I'm hers to dismiss?_

"No, no, not exactly…" Relena said hastily, realizing that Heero was about to take her suggestion the wrong way. "I only meant… Noin is staying too. I… won't be alone. So, if you wanted some time off, to go on… vacation…" She trailed off as Heero looked at her rather blankly, trying desperately to think of another way to make him understand that didn't involve re-living her earlier mortification.

Relena's babbling had given Heero the chance to turn over her words in his mind, and he realized quickly what she was really trying to do. _I think I hit the nail on the head._ But wasn't this exactly what he wanted? The time to go off with his friends, perform the upgrades, create the modules… He was surprised at the next question that slipped out of his mouth. "Who says I'll come back once I go?"

Relena flinched a little, glancing away as she saw Duo appear from the kitchen door. She knew that telling Heero to go might mean she'd never get him back, but… it was the only decision that felt right. She needed to convince Dorothy… "I'm certain our paths will cross again."

Heero stared at Relena for a moment, wondering if there was more substance to what he'd witnessed earlier than he'd first thought. "Minute's up." Turning away, he grabbed hold of the cart of dishes and started hauling it towards the kitchen and Duo.

Relena watched them until they disappeared back inside together, doing a little of her own wondering, and then she turned to survey the remains of the party. _Milliardo would have enjoyed it._ Even though most of her memories of this place were recent, every now and then, a bubbling echo of laughter, a shaft of sunshine, a tiny fragment of memory brushed across her mind.

_It's good to see this place looking full of life and color again._ Maybe she was content to be Relena Darlian now, but she wasn't so shallow as to deny her heritage either. She would always be a Peacecraft too. She was… herself. She knew she wasn't perfect, that the world wasn't perfect, that they both had a long way to go to find true peace… but change was happening all the time, wasn't it?

_o/~ I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.  
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye  
Take a risk, take a chance,  
Make a change, and break away.  
Out of the darkness and into the sun  
But I won't forget the place I come from  
I gotta take a risk, take a chance,  
Make a change, and break away  
Breakaway  
Break away ~/o_


	24. Ch 24 Declaration

**Author's Notes:** I know, shock&awe, I'm not dead! But, to be honest, this year has been rough on me. Not long after I posted ch. 23, way back in something sad and pathetic like March... someone whose opinion once meant a lot to me basically told me that because my story was set "during canon", that it wasn't worth reading, because she already knew what happened during canon. I guess it dented my spirit far more than I wanted to admit and even though I'm over it now, I didn't write for awhile...as in a few months. H and I moved again (brutal), down to Brooklyn, where we are quite certain we want to stay for awhile - honest! Also, we adopted two baby male kittens who are madly in love with each other. Sooo cute! So, taking the bad punches along with the good...

Once I started writing again, I began to realize how long the arc of the story was in this chapter... umm... I'm sorry?

**Last Time on End of the World:** The end of the war meant the separation of the pilots, as they parted ways to work on different necessary projects, none of which went quite as planned. Relena sabotaged the creation of the Preventers, creating more work for Heero, while Duo and Quatre found their work on space clean-up stalled by continuing skirmishes with White Fang. Trowa tried avoiding his friends, but found he was hurting himself most. A fight with Heero led Relena to recover and begin rebuilding her kingdom and the four pilots (no one seems to know where Wu Fei is... ) met up for a lavish birthday party she threw in her own honor, haunted by the not-so-dead ghost of Zechs. Trowa and Quatre outed themselves to Duo, Relena and Dorothy outed themselves to Heero, and Duo decided that maybe ruffles weren't so bad after all... or at least, maybe Relena wasn't. Will he end up regretting that decision? What does a summer alone mean for the friendship of four of our favorite pilots?

Enjoy the fluff while you can, next chapter dips into the beginning of Endless Waltz.

Of course I missed you, don't be silly!

* * *

**Chapter 24 – Declaration**

AC0196-05-12

F: heero..icm..colony

T: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

S: Requirements

ATT: Requirements..doc

Attached is a full list of requirements for our location this summer.

***

AC0196-05-13

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

S: Safe and Sound!

Hey Quat,

Just letting you know I made it alive. Thanks for looking after Deathscythe for me.

Do me a favor and pick out somewhere awesome, okay? I've never been on "vacation" before!

--D

***

AC0196-05-13

F: trowa..barton..icm..colony

T: quatre..r..winner..colony

S: Hiatus!

Quatre,

Just wanted to let you know that I should be available by the beginning of June at the latest. Catherine's informed me that the time for the circus' annual tune-up/clean-out/re-vamp is coming up. She seems… a little less bothered by our plans that I expected, but I think maybe she's begun to feel reassured that I'm not disappearing on her forever every time I want to see all of you.

Speaking of which… let me know when you find the place or if you want a second opinion at all. I'm looking forward to this summer.

Trowa

***

AC0196-05-13

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: birthday???

I'm here on L2 and… and it's weird. I needed to do this, come back here, but… but I guess I don't want to talk about it? I know, so why am I talking about it…

Endings, Beginnings, Journeys…

So, have you picked a birthday yet?

I've decided that mine's going to be July 4th. I bet you can put all kinds of assumptions behind that, right?

Hmm… I thought I'd gotten better with this letter-writing, but… I've been sitting staring at the screen for ten minutes without writing anything else and I…

I won't tell a lie - I miss you already. I'm counting the days, even if there's not an exact date yet.

--D

***

AC0196-05-15

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

S: RE: birthday???

I miss you too. This conference has been ridiculously busy – long, long days of standing at the doors of rooms listening to people argue followed by long hours on ICM-VC with Lady Une regarding the training modules, to keep it succinct.

July 4th is largely known for being – before the UCA – the old USA Independence Day. The logical conclusion is that you might identify with the country that originally founded L2, but I doubt it would ever be that simple with you.

Should I research days to choose an appropriate one or was that more of a gut instinct on your part?

***

AC0196-05-16

F: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

T: trowa..barton..icm..colony, duo..maxwell..icm..colony, heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: o/~Have a little faith in me~/o

Dear Friends,

Do you trust me or not?

I'm scouting locations every day.

I will find the place that is best suited to _everyone's_ needs. Promise.

Fondly,

Quatre

***

AC0196-05-18

F: trowa..barton..icm..colony

T: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

S: RE: o/~Have a little faith in me~/o

Quatre,

I trust you! I'm sure that we'd both list a lot of the same things as priorities anyway…

Yes, you can wonder what I'm implying by that for awhile.

Trowa

***

AC0196-05-19

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony, quatre..r..winner..icm..colony, trowa..barton..icm..colony

S: RE: o/~Have a little faith in me~/o

Ah, Quat, you know we all mean well!

--D

***

AC0196-05-20

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: 7 & 4

Hey Heero!

You'll never believe who I ran into today – Hilde! Lightning strikes again? She was in town looking for a rare part they didn't have anywhere on L3, long story short, so we had dinner, talked… she's still running her parents' old place and she seems… okay, mostly. I think she was hoping I'd stay for awhile, but I told her I was just passing through. Oddest thing… well… she told me that she thought she'd seen Wu Fei a few days ago, back on L3. It was just a second, changing trains on her way to the spaceport, and not that there's anything any of us can do about it... I guess I just… thought you might want to know.

Back on the subject of birthdays… Actually, I did know July 4th was the USA-day, but that isn't the whole reason why I picked it. Think of it as a secret password you'll have to continue unraveling.

Any day you choose is fine! I mean, maybe not the day after mine, because two parties in a row would take a lot of stamina…

Besides, since you're picking it yourself, you can always change it!

Oh, almost forgot! I also made contact with Howard and he's in, no matter the location.

--D

***

AC0196-05-22

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony, quatre..r..winner..icm..colony, trowa..barton..icm..colony

S: Modules

ATT: Modules..doc

We'll be returning to Sanc from India in another 3 or 4 days.

Attaching documents from Lady Une regarding necessary training modules that need to be developed.

Any news?

***

AC0196-05-22

F: heero..yuy..icm..colony

T: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

S: RE: 8 & 15

I'll take the date under consideration and get back to you.

I'm going to choose August 15th.

Can I also choose for my gift to be "no party"?

***

AC0196-05-25

F: quatre..r..winner..icm..colony

T: trowa..barton..icm..colony, heero..yuy..icm..colony, duo..maxwell..

S: Location Found!

Dearest Friends!

I am thrilled! I have found our location!

Enclosed are pictures, maps, descriptions of facilities, wildlife, climate, etc.

I have a few family matters to tie up, but will be there as of May 30th, and you are all most welcome to join me as soon as you are able.

Excitedly,

Quatre

***

AC0196-05-25

F: duo..maxwell..icm..colony

T: heero..yuy..icm..colony

S: RE: RE: 8 & 15

H--

NO!

--D

*******

"_Wow." Duo paused in mid-step on the path through the garden, suddenly understanding why Heero had asked him to take a stroll after delivering the last cart of dishes to the kitchen._

_Heero kept walking, wanting to get further away from any remaining guests that might overhear them, but he tossed a response over his shoulder. "Wow?"_

_Duo jogged to catch up to him until they were stride for stride again. "She really doesn't care?"_

"_She encouraged me to go." Heero hadn't quite processed the conversation yet, but it seemed as if Duo was ready to do it for him… and it felt good – really good – to have that camaraderie back again. He'd missed it more than he had realized. The letters were good, but… not the same. Not like this._

_Duo's hand shot out to snag Heero's wrist as they reached the clearing where they'd talked earlier that evening. "So, then… in a couple weeks, you're free? That's it?" He couldn't quite keep the anxious upward lilt out of his voice and hoped it didn't make him sound needy. He'd just… missed Heero._

_Heero turned to face Duo and nodded seriously. "That's it."_

"_Hence, the wow." Duo loosened his grip on Heero's wrist, sliding his hand down to interlock their fingers. "I mean, this is really happening, isn't it?"_

_Heero raised an eyebrow as he led Duo over to the same bench he'd been sorry to leave several hours ago. "What's happening?"_

"_Well, I guess it depends on them, too…" Duo rambled as he sat down, crossing one ankle over the other and leaning back to look up at the sky. "I mean, when Quatre brought up the idea of getting together for Gundam upgrades, I was a little surprised at how readily everyone agreed. Happy surprise, for sure, but… Quat wants to do this, and so do I, and now you… if we can convince Trowa to take some time off, we can actually do this."_

"_Was there ever any sincere doubt, Maxwell?" Heero teased a little before tilting his own head up to see what colonies were visible, scattered between the stars, but deep down he knew what Duo was really getting at…_

"_Heh, well… not really," Duo squeezed Heero's hand. "I guess I'm mostly wow because I realized, in the instant you said you'd be free, that not only _could_ we do this, but how much I actually _want_ to do this. And maybe it wouldn't be as big a deal, except… it's strongest want I've had since… since the war ended. I know that sounds a little strange, but, do you know what I mean?"_

"_I do. I think we all want this, in our own way…" Heero paused, considering his words. "…and I'm really glad we'll all be able to work together again."_

_Duo elbowed Heero a little before turning to face him, leaning one arm along the back of the bench. "Not just work! It's going to be a lot of fun, all of us hanging together without the threat of constant death hovering over our heads! And yes, we _are_ going to have fun!"_

_Heero couldn't help but crack a smile at Duo's exuberance. "Wasn't tonight enough fun?"_

"_It's not the kind of birthday party I'd want," Duo said with a shake of his head that whipped the braid over his shoulder to trail into his lap. "Speaking of which! Once we know exactly where and when we're going, I think we should both have our own! No matter what, I'd want to spend it with my friends, so what better time?"_

"_Our own? Birthdays?" Heero glanced at Duo as the braided boy reached out to touch his leg lightly._

"_Come on, Heero – I want experiences – and I've never had this one before – I already know just how we'll celebrate!"_ _Grinning, he leaned in and nipped at Heero's lips teasingly before pulling back. "Or did we not come back to the garden to finish what we've tried to start twice already today?"_

_Heero followed Duo as he pulled away to catch the other boy's lower lip between his own in a non-verbal reply. He fisted his hand into the ruffles of the braided boy's frilly shirt to yank him forward. Duo's breath caught sharply and he ran his tongue along Heero's upper lip before pulling away again, his eyes bright and a little glassy in the moonlight. Heero opened his mouth to protest, but Duo was already swinging one leg over him, shifting his weight until he was seated on Heero's lap, knees on the bench pressed tight against his hips. "Duo…"_

"_It's been way too fucking long," Duo leaned down to breath into Heero's ear. Resting his hands on Heero's shoulders, he ground his hips forward slowly. Heero couldn't help how his own hips rolled back against Duo's as he reached a hand up to curl into the base of his braid, tilting their heads until their mouths crashed together again. Feeling Heero's heat against his own sent every thought spinning out of Duo's mind as his heart started to race – he'd wanted Heero so badly, all day, all night, weeks and months - _

Beep-Beep! Beep-beep!

Duo woke with a start as the shuttle's auto-pilot alert went off, disoriented for a moment as he was pulled out of reliving his tryst in the garden with Heero. "Damn, it feels like it's been even longer than last time," he muttered under his breath as he pulled the maps up to check the flight path. _The last month's seemed to crawl by compared to the previous four_. The alert meant that there was only an hour until arrival, maybe twenty minutes before he should take manual control back for landing. Yawning, Duo lifted his hands over his head to stretch as he let his mind drift back to the garden again.

_After all the months apart, just that once…_ It hadn't been enough at all, and if he hadn't already known they were going to spend the summer together, Duo wondered if he would have let Heero go to India without him. _Or at all._

With a tap of his fingers, he pushed the flight path aside and looked out of the viewport at the world below. _God, the pictures don't do it justice at all._

Islands seemed to creep up out of the vast expanse of blue – pieces of land that were hardly more than chunks of rock and dots of pure white sandbar dusted the turquoise and navy water like a swirl of icing. As he descended towards the landing coordinates, Duo could see the frothy crests of waves glaring in the setting sun. But the best of all were the clouds – they seemed unreal, as if they'd been painted on in a fiery display of fuchsia, indigo and cerulean. _Until this moment, I don't think I'd ever seen those colors outside of a crayon box._

The thought forced him to crack a smile and a giddy feeling overtook him as the island, their island, home for the next month, finally slid into view. It was long and thin, roughly seven miles north to south and barely over two mile across, and Duo could spot Howard's boat parked in the deep lagoon on the southern end. The length of the runway on the island required the finesse of a superb pilot, he noted with mirth, and by the time he was throwing open the doors, Duo had been swept up in the thrill of a new adventure.

"Quat! Tro!" he hollered as soon as he had the door open, squinting into the dusk.

Quatre was already running across the runway, waving at him, and Duo climbed down the wheel of his shuttle, dropping his bag before jumping the last few feet to the ground just in time to grab his friend in a huge hug. Trowa was only a few steps behind, and laughing, Duo reached out to grab him by the arm, pulling all three of them into a group huddle.

"This place is phenomenal!"

"You haven't seen the half of it," Quatre shook his head with a grin as he straightened and swept a hand out in front of him. "It meets every requirement for the work we need to do..."

Trowa leaned in conspiratorially, interrupting the other boy. "But it might as well be paradise."

"Are you complaining?" Quatre replied in mock indignation.

"Complimenting!" Trowa assured him with an equally easy grin.

Duo grinned at the playful banter between his friends, bending to stretch sore muscles as he enjoyed the freshness of the island air. "Give me the grand tour!"

"Absolutely!" Quatre led the way towards the vehicle he and Trowa had come in and Duo stopped short as he saw that it was a golf cart. Looking around, he realized that he could see nothing from the runway besides dense jungle, and he turned slowly in a circle before raising an eyebrow.

"Just how far into the middle of nowhere are we?"

"Very. The roads on the island are very narrow – half of them are dirt," Quatre explained as he climbed into the driver's seat and Trowa slipped in beside him.

Duo jumped onto the back, one arm wrapped around back of their seat and the other gripping his bag. The headlights on the golf cart illuminated a few feet in front of them as Quatre turned the cart on, and a moment later they were chugging briskly down the dirt path into the trees, the salty breeze tickling Duo's nose and tossing his braid out behind him.

"My family owns this island, so the cottages here are all private," Quatre kept talking as he drove. "There's a minimal staff that keeps the place running, but the nearest thing resembling a real town is a half-hour boat ride away. We essentially have the entire island and surrounding waters to ourselves – and of course, Howard's crew and the Maguanacs are here as well. We'll be using his ship for most of the work on the mobile suits – the crew will bring Deathscythe over by barge at dawn."

"I think we should take Duo to the main building first – to the kitchen," Trowa interrupted lightly as they finally turned off onto another road that quickly started to wind downhill towards the shore.

"Famished!" Duo chimed in agreement.

Quatre finally parked the golf cart in a small clearing where tiny little lanterns burned brightly along the edges. With the motor turned off, Duo realized he could hear the crashing of ocean waves in the distance, growing louder as he followed his two friends. The lantern-lit path offered just enough light to keep him from tripping over the large and uneven stones, and he was glad when a set of stairs appeared to lead them to what he assumed was the main building.

"Every cottage has a name," Quatre tossed back over his shoulder as he hopped quickly down the uneven steps. "But we just call the main building the 'Clubhouse'."

With no further explanation, Duo followed them inside and was immediately swept up in the welcoming crew of a lot of people he hadn't seen in a month – or six. Greetings and handshakes shuffled him through the large room and into the kitchen, and his mouth nearly dropped open at the preparations that were underway. Between the three different crews, Duo couldn't count the number of dishes being prepared, and the kitchen seemed barely big enough to hold all of them.

"Duo Maxwell!" Rashid's voice boomed over the noisy room as he grabbed Duo in a one-armed bear hug and shoved a spoon into his hand. "Just in time to lend a hand, right?"

There was no way to turn down the request, and Duo had picked up a trick or two from the kitchens on MO-2, so he readily agreed. "Long as you don't make me promise not to snitch from the pot – I may be a thief, but never a liar! I _will_ snitch!"

"Chef's privilege?" Rashid joked back as Quatre and Trowa appeared in the doorway. "Master Quatre! Is the Pavilion ready?"

"Indeed," Quatre grinned, holding out both of his hands. "Load us up and we'll start carrying everything down to the beach."

Duo's first trip down to the beach was with the pot he'd just finished stirring – an amazing creamy seafood soup that made his mouth water in anticipation – and he stopped at the top of the wooden stairs leading down to the beach to stare. He could only just barely make out the waves crashing against the shore less than a hundred yards away, but at the foot of the stairs, a large tent had been erected over a wooden platform. At the corners of the tents, large torches burned brightly, reminding Duo just a tiny bit of the festival celebrations they'd experienced while in Africa.

"If you think it's stunning now," Trowa's voice startled Duo out of his reverie as he leaned over the braided boy's shoulder to look out at the water. "… just wait until the sun's up. It's too dark to see the outlines of the coral reef."

"There's reef out there?" Trowa started down the stairs with an enormous platter of fish hoisted up on his shoulder, but before Duo had taken a step to follow him, Quatre's voice rang out behind them from the doorway to the Clubhouse.

"Duo! Trowa! Come quickly, Heero's calling!"

Duo raced down the stairs to deposit his pot on one of the tables under the tent and then skipped back up them two at a time to catch Trowa just as he reached the Clubhouse. "Is he almost here?"

Quatre gestured to them from a doorway down the hall and the three friends were soon gathered around the screen expectantly.

"I wish I was calling with good news," Heero started, crossing his arms over his chest in a clear display of his frustration. "But as it is, I've only got a minute or two."

"That doesn't sound good," Quatre frowned.

"Are you bailing-" Trowa started, and Duo flinched a little, leaning in closer to interrupt.

"You wouldn't."

"I'm not!" Heero insisted, the hint of a smile playing on his lips at the rapid fire banter between the group. _No wonder I feel so pissed about the delay…_ _I wish I was there already. _ "I'm up on L3 – don't ask - it's a long-story-last-minute thing – but the meeting is running long, and as a result, I've already missed my shuttle departure back down to Earth. I'll be there as soon as I can – just not tonight."

"At least it's nothing serious!" Quatre sighed with relief.

"Temporary delay," Heero responded automatically, watching all of their expressions. Despite his reassurances, he couldn't help but note the disappointment in Duo's eyes. "I have to go now."

"Well, keep us informed of your status," Quatre said. "There's always someone on duty in the main building and on Howard's ship."

Duo leaned in now, his braid slipping over his shoulder to dangle right in front of the camera as he addressed Heero brightly. "Even in the dark, this place is awesome, Heero – so you'd better hurry up or you'll miss all the fun!"

Heero raised an eyebrow at the challenge as he retorted. "You know the real fun won't begin until I'm there." He waited just long enough to see Duo's cheeks color, Quatre's mouth drop open and Trowa purse his lips to keep back a snicker, and then he ended the call.

Slipping back inside the conference room, Heero resumed his position against the wall. He wouldn't be able to catch a shuttle until this was over, and then the transfers involved because of his Gundam… _Wait a minute. Why can't I just… fly Wing Zero straight there?_ It was absolutely against several of the new regulations, of course… but he'd had the right upgrades performed during the repairs after the war to enter the atmosphere, and to stay off most radar.

_And cutting through the red tape will certainly get me there a hell of a lot faster._

_o/~ I'll take you just the way you are_

_Imperfect words inside the perfect song_

_I feel you closer than you are_

_I've been waiting far too long_

_Too long ~/o_

Just as he'd suspected, Heero had absolutely no trouble slipping out of the colony and down to Earth, which was excellent for his current purposes, but worrisome overall. He hadn't doubted he'd get past the sensors, but it shouldn't have been so… easy. _Add that to the list of things to ICM Lady Une about…_

It was pre-dawn as he flew over the Indian Ocean towards his destination, and the first blip to appear on his screen since departure was Howard's crew making contact. _They noticed me and ESUN's scanners didn't?_ The Preventers modules _had_ to be finished as soon as possible, he decided as he docked Wing Zero in the hangar of Howard's ship. There were simply too many holes in the defense of the new peace. It bothered him at the same time that it only convinced him further of all the things the Preventers intelligence needed to be able to cover. _But with the help of the other pilots…it should go quickly._

Heero found himself looking forward to the reunion with his friends as he jumped down to the floor, surprised to hear music playing faintly from across the room. He hadn't thought anyone would be awake at this hour and hadn't even bothered to contact the main building yet.

_Old pre-colony rock 'n roll_… Heero thought as he walked closer, and a moment later, he felt a rush of heat pool in his gut as he realized it was coming from Deathscythe's cockpit… and that Duo was singing along.

Climbing the rope up to the cockpit in quick hand over hand fashion, Heero let the music cover the sound of his landing as he stood in the opening and watched the other boy work. Oblivious to the fact that he had an audience, Duo was bent over a panel, his long braid trailing down his back and swinging back and forth as he re-wired one of the circuit boards, a jumble of tools surrounding him. His hips shimmied in time with the music as he twisted two wires together and then started to screw the panel's cover back on.

Unable to help himself, Heero stepped lightly over the tools to grab Duo's hips as he rose, pulling the other boy backwards against him. "Didn't know you could shake it like that."

"Heero!" Duo exclaimed in surprise, shivering when he suddenly felt the other boy's lips against the side of his neck. "How long have you– I mean, I didn't think you'd be here until tomorrow!"

"Technically, it IS tomorrow," Heero said, sliding one arm further around Duo. "And… long enough." He paused to nip at Duo's ear lobe before adding. "I flew Wing Zero directly."

"Highly illegal," Duo murmured, dropping the screwdriver he'd been holding with a clatter as he turned in Heero's arms. "You couldn't wait?"

Heero lifted a hand to trap Duo's chin between two fingers, leaning in to brush their lips together lightly. "Didn't want to."

"Couldn't sleep," Duo breathed against his lips, sliding both arms up and around Heero's shoulders. "Kept thinking about the garden… Doubt anyone's awake yet back on the island."

Tilting Duo's head a little, Heero answered the unspoken suggestion by kissing a line along Duo's jaw as he reached to slap the button that would close the cockpit door. Duo let out a small gasp as Heero sucked on his pulse point, surprised when the other boy suddenly pushed him backwards into the cockpit chair. A flicker of a memory flashed in his mind and Duo thought of the first night at the school and the way that Heero had tossed him onto the bed and practically devoured him. _There's the same look in his eyes now, the same want, pulling me in…_

Heero slid one knee between Duo's legs, leaning in to kiss him as he reached to pull Duo's shirt free from his pants. Duo curled one hand around the back of Heero's neck to return the kiss, his tongue stroking hard against Heero's, but the other boy broke away a moment later, reaching down to press his hand against the quickly growing bulge. "Still can't deny you…" Heero murmured to himself, almost too softly to be heard, trailing into thought.

At the echo of words from the same moment he'd been thinking about, Duo's hips surged up into that touch. "Heh… I didn't even have to ask this time," Duo teased back softly. He reached his own hand out, but Heero caught his wrist.

"Should I ask you then?" Heero pinned Duo's wrist above his head and reached with his other hand to slowly unzip Duo's fly, pleased when he felt the other boy tremble. He'd known from the very moment he saw those hips swaying with the music that he would not be able to help himself and sometimes Heero wondered if he had any willpower left at all when it came to Duo.

"H-Heero," Duo breathed, his eyes fluttering closed as he felt the other boy's warm breath against him. Heero let go of his wrist and Duo's hands dropped immediately to tangle in the dark hair as he moaned. It was sweet torture, being completely clothed - but with Heero's mouth hot around him. Everything was friction. Duo hardly noticed as Heero slid his pants off to prep him, his head thrown back in bliss. The lights of Deathscythe's cockpit twinkled and blurred as he squeezed his eyes shut against both pain and pleasure.

Sensing that he'd pushed Duo close to the edge, Heero drew back, kneeling in front of the chair. There was barely enough room in here to be doing what they were doing, but he really didn't care. Leaning in closer, he kissed Duo again before speaking roughly into his ear. "Do you want me?"

Duo answered him by reaching a hand out to grab Heero through his shorts as he turned his head to lick a line up Heero's neck. "Want you…" he panted in reply, not caring to lose this battle. _There's still the war to win._ "Now… now!"

In one smooth motion, Heero pulled his cock free of his shorts and slid his knees onto the edge of the chair, edging Duo up and onto his lap until they were in position.

Wrapping his legs around Heero, Duo leaned in for another kiss, feeling the skip of his heartbeat as Heero filled him. Heero's thrusts were swift but deep and Duo jammed his elbows into the walls for leverage, riding out the waves of pleasure as he ground his hips down in return. The world beyond his eyelids exploded into growingly familiar fireworks as they collapsed against each other in a sweaty, breathless heap.

"Hell of a hello," he murmured into Heero's hair with a chuckle. "But you did say the fun wouldn't start until you got here."

*******

"A.C. 0196, 6-16, 1100…" Duo hissed into the hand-held recorder as he tromped through the jungle. _So much for fun. Did I dream that incident inside Deathscythe?_

Duo was hot, thirsty, tired and in a generally foul mood, and that was merely the tip of the iceberg. He wondered idly if maybe he'd jinxed himself, thinking this trip would be all fun and games. "Three hours and no sign of the enemy. Perimeter check…"

Duo paused, hitting the off switch and diving into the underbrush with a muttered curse as an explosion went off in the distance. He remained still for a moment and then flipped the recorder back on. "Perimeter check… is… is a fucking load of bullshit," he spat before clicking it off again. "Sixteen days of bullshit, to be exact."

_How many times do we need to run these modules anyway?!_ Duo flipped the recorder back on again, his emotions bubbling up to the surface as he allowed himself to step outside the "game" for a moment. "You know what, Yuy? I hope you listen to this later going over the logs and it pisses you off!" he hissed. "I know we're designing shit to help protect peace and all, but I haven't had a shower or slept in a bed in almost four days! Do we really need to run ourselves ragged just so your statistics are perfectly awesomely accurate? Hah! Forget sleep or a shower in four days – there hasn't been _anything_ besides _war_ for sixteen days! Not. Even. _Sex!_" Duo hissed the last word before turning off the recorder and climbing to his feet again.

First, Heero and Quatre had been designing modules day and night while he and Trowa oversaw the layout and calendar of the initial Gundam maintenance plans – then it was survival training in all terrains, weapons training of all types, simulations – and all of it needed to be tested. Every day was excruciatingly long and he generally he just wanted to pass out when it was over. There hadn't been time for anything else. Duo knew that it was half… okay, most of, the reason they'd come to the island, but as much as he hated to admit it, the endless days of "pretend" war were starting to get to him. Trudging forward again, he paused mid-step, listening. _Shit. It's Trowa._

Duo took off through the long grass of the jungle brush, diving for cover behind a rock as a ball of bright green paint whizzed past him and just barely grazed his cheek. "You'll have to do better than that, Barton," he taunted loudly, using the trees for cover as he switched positions. "You better come out or I'm gonnaaaaAAAHHHH!" The last word trailed off into a yell as the unstable sandy ground gave way beneath him. "!" The shift in balance sent Duo tumbling forward and he rolled down the side of the dune in a thrashing heap, hollering all the way. "Damnit! Stupid bullshit two weeks of stupid bullshit! Exhausted thirsty dirty nightmares, can't they give it a rest for even a _day_?!" He knocked into a particularly large bush and finally skidded to a stop, but the ranting didn't end. "There isn't real war anymore! Little blips on the radar, maybe. And yeah, yeah, I don't want there to be again, that's why we're doing this, I _know_ that's why, but… but… goddamn, do we have to live with it every hour of every day until we're consumed by it?!"

"Duo…?"

Staring up at the small patch of blue sky visible through the trees as he lay on his back, Duo sighed dejectedly as he listened to Trowa picked his way carefully through the grass.

"Duo… you okay?"

"You're supposed to shoot me," Duo muttered, throwing one arm across his face with a scowl as Trowa appeared between the reeds. "I'm the enemy."

Trowa weighed his words carefully before replying wryly. "I would think your safety would be the more important priority?"

"And if it was a tactic?"

"Duo." Trowa looked down at his obviously exasperated friend, his expression a cross between worried and amused. "Then you would have shot me by now. And I'm not going to shoot you, so – really - " Trowa paused, then sat down in the grass beside him, dropping his paint gun. "Did you mean all of that?"

Duo closed his eyes as he lifted his purple paint gun and after pausing for dramatic effect, he turned it and shot himself in the gut.

POP!

There was a long moment of complete silence before Trowa responded. "Heero's going to be pissed. Suicide is against the rules."

"I don't care," Duo signed dramatically. "I need to get out of this headspace for a little while."

There was another long moment of silence while Trowa contemplated Duo's entire tirade and then, with a snap of his wrist –

POP!

Trowa flopped over in the grass beside Duo with a heavy sigh.

"Now he's _really_ going to be pissed," Duo exploded into laughter, rolling around in the dirt.

"How long should we let them chase each other around?"

"Oh no, Tro – I've got a much better idea…" Rolling onto his side, he leaned in and started to detail his plan.

A surprisingly mischievous grin crept onto Trowa's face. "I'm in."

Working as a team, it wasn't difficult at all to ambush Quatre and once they had him pinned from two angles and literally up against a tree, he was forced to listen to their argument.

"Come on, Quat – you can't tell me that you didn't pick this island out without at least thinking you'd get to enjoy it a little!" Duo pointed out.

"True..." Quatre agreed warily, shifting his gun back and forth between his two _technically_ dead ally-enemy-friends. Did it even matter if they shot him now? The module was obviously completely ruined.

Trowa lowered his gun with a shrug, figuring they really had nothing to lose. "I know these modules are important and need to be finished within a certain timeframe, but Quatre, I'm certain you also know that straining ourselves is…"

"It's unnecessary," Quatre filled in thoughtfully with a shake of his head, knowing his own tendency to get carried away with his work. "Dangerous, also, if something were to really happen…"

"All work and no play…" Duo still had his gun aimed at Quatre, but it was no longer necessary.

POP!

A bright yellow splash appeared at the same time as Quatre's smile.

Duo grinned, lowering his gun and stepping forward to sling an arm around Quatre's shoulders. "So, master strategist, how best do we three suicided soldiers ambush Heero?"

Quatre debated for a moment and then shrugged lightly. "We don't."

By the time Heero tromped into their clearing nearly two hours later, the three boys had stripped off most of their gear and were sitting in a circle sharing some fruit they'd plucked off the nearby trees. At the sight of the stony glare, all three went momentarily silent, but the only one who looked sincerely guilty was Quatre.

"Sorry, Heero," Quatre finally started, climbing hastily to his feet. "We're all… dead." He could hardly say the last word while keeping a straight face and Duo snickered a little.

Heero glanced around the circle, entirely aware that each was dead by their own color, and his eyes narrowed a little further. "I am not amused."

POP!

"But I am!" Duo lifted his chin defiantly with a smirk at the purple blob on Heero's chest, tossing his gun aside before flopping back over in the grass. "Now you're dead too – game over!"

"Seriously," Trowa interrupted as he also climbed to his feet, thinking of the things that Duo had said to him earlier, all of which he'd conveniently recorded on the logging device he hadn't had time to turn off. He hoped that Heero listened to them later, because a part of him agreed with the sentiments. "We don't have to stop working completely, but maybe we can… pace ourselves a little more?"

"The majority outvotes you," Quatre added, biting his lip to keep from smiling as he offered up the alternate plans he'd developed while lounging around with Duo and Trowa. "Let's take a break from this area. I know it's off the original schedule, but - why don't we take the boat out tomorrow and start setting up the buoys for the water modules? We'll take the snorkel gear too," he added quickly as Duo sat up, ready to protest. "A little work _and_ a little play."

Finally given a chance to respond, Heero looked around at the identical expressions of weariness on the faces his friends and relented more easily than he initially expected he would. "I suppose we can change things up a little…" _Why didn't any of them say anything to me? Even Duo? Was I not listening? I guess we have been out here a few days now… _Lowering his gun a little, he reached out a hand to Duo, who accepted it and let Heero pull him to his feet.

*******

"I listened to the logs – yours and Trowa's."

It was early the next morning when Heero found Duo standing outside the clubhouse, watching the sun rise over the ocean. "The colors are unreal, aren't they?" Duo gestured to the pink clouds the sun was peeking out of as if he hadn't even heard the statement. He wasn't actually angry at Heero, just a little confused, and never very good at talking about how he was feeling. He didn't want Heero to think that peace didn't matter to him anymore. _Back to that old staple of not letting our feelings get in the way of the mission. _"Is the boat ready to go?"

Heero knew Duo's tendency to avoid, but after all the things they'd shared in their letters, he wasn't about to let him get away with it now. Reaching to touch his shoulder, Heero waited until the other boy turned to face him. "You could have said something to me."

"About what?" Duo turned to lean against the railing, raising an eyebrow at Heero and continuing to make light. "Your workaholic tendencies?" After all, Heero had shown up and practically seduced him inside his own Gundam and then… hadn't so much as touched him in the last two weeks, despite the fact that they were still sleeping in the same bed - when there was a bed to sleep in and not a _jungle_. What was he supposed to think? Was he supposed to turn his feelings off like a faucet when there was work to be done? _But isn't that what we've always done? Why does it bother me now? Why _doesn't_ it bother him?_ Too many questions that Duo just couldn't seem to ask. Maybe he didn't really want to know the answers.

Heero didn't defend against what he knew to be true as he watched the subtle changes in Duo's expression. "I should have said something to you about why I've been pushing us so hard." _What would any of them say if they knew that at least part of my reason for pushing this work is so that we don't have to do this anymore? Would they agree? Are we all here because we want out… or because we don't? Or don't know how to let go? Don't know if we're supposed to bow out now?_ Heero had a feeling that if it was up to Relena and Noin and Lady Une and countless others, the Gundam pilots would always be at the center of the relentless fight for peace because they were the only ones trustworthy wanted to change that… trust was as important as strength and knowledge, and that was why the Preventers were going to be different. It was why he needed the help of his friends to design the program.

Despite his lapse into silence, the look of conflict on Heero's face was easy for Duo to read and he felt immediately guilty for the way he was acting. _It's not as if I made a move towards him either. _He wanted Heero to lighten up a little, not look even more troubled. "Heero…" Duo smiled a little, leaning his head back to catch the morning light on his face. "Contrary to popular belief, I'm not an idiot. I know how fragile this peace is. I know it's more important than… than any single one of us. It's important because without it, no one can live their lives freely…I just…"

Heero felt his chest tighten as Duo trailed off, wanting a way to put words to the things he was feeling. _Least of all us. _There was the dedication he felt towards helping this peace be lasting, the overwhelming sense of duty… coupled with the awakening idea that maybe, just maybe, when it truly over, truly safe… that they all deserved something more in their lives. _But will it ever be over?_ The thought nagged at him constantly, but he wanted to believe that helping to create the Preventers would fill those holes, lessen the weight he still felt on his shoulders. He wanted to know that Duo understood that, understood him… "There isn't anyone else who can do this the way that we can."

"I know…" _But is it always going to be that way?_ _Does the mission ever end? And how do I feel if the answer is no? _ Duo didn't voice his thoughts as he straightened, hacing no idea that he and Heer were thinking so similarly, waving to the other pilots as they came down the stairs from the clubhouse carrying a pile of gear. Touching Heero's arm lightly, he offered another smile. "S'not like any of us is really going to bail, so relax. Like I've told you before… I'm not going anywhere."

With a bag of snorkeling gear hoisted over his shoulder, Trowa followed Quatre down the stairs, worrying his lip as he observed the body language between Heero and Duo. Despite how light they'd made of yesterday's events, there was a sense of tension between all of them that he couldn't quite put his finger on. Before the survival modules, he'd spent most of his time with Duo and Howard's crew and when he stopped to think about it, even Quatre had seemed overly vacantly sunny to him when they'd spent any time together. It was troubling to see his friends seeming… not themselves and he wondered if there was anything he could do about it. "Everything ready with the boat?"

"Everything we need to set up the buoys and their recording devices is already on board," Heero answered, turning to lead the way down the stairs and towards the dock.

"Rashid sent us with lunch enough to feed an army," Quatre added, hanging back a moment to let Duo peek into the cooler he was carrying.

"Mmm," Duo grinned as he caught a whiff, leaning in conspiratorially. "Can't we make it brunch?"

"Didn't you just eat breakfast?" Quatre swatted his hand away and waited until Heero and Trowa were out of earshot. "I just want you to know that I'm actually really glad that you and Trowa did this."

"Is that so?" Duo raised an eye as he watched Quatre's gaze follow Trowa as he descended the stairs. "I guess you two haven't had any quality time either?"

Quatre had the dignity to blush a little at Duo's remark before sighing a bit wistfully. After the scene on the piano at Relena's birthday party, he wasn't going to try pretending to Duo anymore that he wasn't smitten with the other pilot. "We haven't exactly… talked about it? We got carried away performing at the party, and then he had to leave early the next morning to get back to the circus. And we've all been so busy since we got here…" Quatre trailed off, knowing that the truth was that he didn't know _what_ to say to Trowa. Did he wonder, as Quatre did, what would have happened if they hadn't been preparing for the performance and been interrupted?

Duo's eyes widened in surprise. "Now I feel even worse about interrupting. So nothing's happened…"

Quatre shook his head, shifting the cooler to his other hand. "It was poor timing on our parts that day. And I… I guess there hasn't been any good timing since then? Small moments here and there, a glance, a smile--"

"You have got it bad," Duo cut him off to tease, reaching a hand out to ruffle Quatre's hair affectionately.

Ducking away, Quatre dashed down the stairs as he grinned over his shoulder at Duo, not at all trying to deny it. "You're one to talk, Duo!"

Now it was Duo's turn to color slightly. "Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!" he called after him, but Quatre didn't answer back this time. Duo paused for a moment at the top of the stairs, watching his three friends in front of him as they walked down the wooden platforms to board their boat. Truthfully, he also wasn't a bit sorry that yesterday's events had meant a change in plans. Jumping down the stairs two and three at a time, he ran to catch up and hopped into the boat just as Heero was untying the last rope.

The sea spray was cool and refreshing as Quatre pulled the boat away from the dock, misting their faces as the small boat gained speed. "Everyone keep an eye on the depth radar," Quatre pointed to a small device mounted next to the steering wheel and Duo plopped down into the co-pilot's chair to get a closer look at the real-time graphing. "There's a great deal of coral reef out here and it's easy to accidentally ground the boat, especially right now with all the equipment on board."

"Aye-aye, Captain," Duo joked, folding his arms behind his head and leaning back in the chair to enjoy the view. Heero remained standing, one arm braced against the side of the boat as he watched the island take shape behind them and Trowa sat down in the back, coiling the last of their ropes into a neat pile.

The roar of the engine made it hard to talk without yelling, but the view was incredible as they sped over the water. There was nothing in sight beyond their island, just an endless expanse of aqua ocean, the wake of the boat cresting white and foamy behind them. Heero signaled to Quatre once they'd made it far enough away and the blond slowed the boat down until the engine quieted, leaving them bobbing gently in the water. Duo was glad they hadn't eaten lunch yet, as the lurch of the small boat was definitely enough to make his stomach turn a little.

Working as a team, they slowly set the buoys in a circle around the island as the sun rose high and bright overhead. By the time the last one was finished, Duo's stomach was growling in protest and he felt no qualms in protesting about it loudly. They ate lunch anchored at a long, thin sandbar that stretched out into the water in a curl before Quatre directed the boat out into a lagoon not too far from their dock.

Looking over the side of the boat as his friends began to slip on their fins and masks, Duo realized the water was so clear that he could see straight down to the sandy bottom even though the depth radar said the water was at least twenty feet deep. He wasn't afraid, but he also wasn't quite sure what he had gotten himself into. He slipped his fins on and stood up awkwardly, watching as Heero dove smoothly into the calm water.

Watching Duo's slightly apprehensive expression, Trowa jumped up onto the bench running along the inside edge of the boat and walked rather gracefully along its length to stand beside Duo, offering him a hand up.

Quatre had finished securing the anchor and sat down on the edge of the boat to pull his fins on, sliding easily off and into the water. "Are you okay, Duo?" he called up, catching the other boy's momentary hesitation.

Duo started slightly at Quatre's perceptiveness and gave a huge grin. "Uh, absolutely… just… taking my time!"

Trowa caught the slight incline of Heero's head as Quatre had Duo's attention, and with a barely imperceptible nod in reply, he promptly shoved the braided pilot off the side of the boat and into the water before diving in after him.

Duo hadn't secured his mask yet, so he came up spluttering and splashing to the mutual laughter of his friends. He would be mad at them for picking on him, but it was just the way they related – challenged each other. They wouldn't let him have the chance to be afraid. "Haha, very funny… someone want to help me with this thing?"

Quatre was closest and he reached to help Duo put his mask in place. "That end goes in your mouth, so that you can breathe."

"I feel like I'm sinking!" Duo gurgled around the snorkel as he tried to get the hang of his fins, a little relieved when he felt Heero loop an arm around him.

"Maxwell! Relax!" Heero said, then waved at Quatre. "Give us a few minutes."

Duo wanted to be embarrassed, but decided it was better to suck up his pride and try to learn how to _not_ drown. Heero loosened his hold as Duo stopped flailing, backing up until there was a hand's reach between them.

"First, kick – no, not like that - even and not too hard. The fins make your kicks go farther, use less energy…" Heero grinned a little when Duo looked skeptical. "Just pretend you're a fish."

Duo grinned back and tried to follow Heero's advice, amazed when his body suddenly evened out and stabilized in the water. "Excellent," he chuckled. "Maybe fins are just what I needed!"

"Next you're going to put that snorkel in your mouth and practice breathing – long and slow is better than short bursts."

Duo was not surprised that Heero was somehow a supposed expert on snorkeling – the same way he wasn't surprised that Quatre knew the entire map of the reef surrounding the island… or that Trowa had thrown him into the water. It was oddly… comfortable, the four of them together. "Rike 'sis?"

Heero nodded, giving one final instruction. "Now, all you're going to do is tip your head forward and under the water and have a look around. We might dive, but you don't need to just yet."

Duo dipped his head down under the water and blinked several times, looking around. The only sound he could hear was the echo of his own breathing and the occasional slosh of water. What he could see, on the other hand, was incredible. The reef moved and waved beneath them, a fully living entity of color, and Duo followed the point of Heero's finger to see a school of tiny vividly electric blue fish darting in and out of the coral. Since he couldn't really talk or smile, he gave Heero a thumbs up instead.

_It's like being inside the aquarium tanks…_ Duo marveled as he followed his friends across the top of the reef, watching as Heero and Trowa took turns diving down and trying to touch the sandy bottom where it was visible. In the dust kicked up by their dives, Duo started when he saw a beady pair of eyes appear, followed by a giant mouth full of teeth. With a gasp of surprise as he attempted to backpedal in the water, Duo took in a great mouthful of salt water and started choking. His friends were by his side in an instant, Trowa and Quatre each supporting an arm as Heero reached to yank the snorkel out of his mouth.

"Duo, what happened?" Quatre asked worriedly.

"Under," Duo gasped out, coughing up the last of the water. "Giant thing, beady eyes, rows of teeth--"

"Oh! Did you see a barracuda?"

"Let's head back to the boat," Heero said, pulling off his entire mask, unable to keep the smirk off of his face. "So the barracuda doesn't eat Maxwell."

"EAT ME?!"

"He's kidding, Duo," Trowa cut in as he pulled out his own snorkel and let go of Duo's arm, but even he couldn't keep from chuckling. "But it is getting late and I don't think we want to be caught out on the open water after dark."

Heero stayed close to Duo as they swam back to the boat, letting Quatre and Trowa board first, turning to face the other boy once they'd reached the ladder on the side. Reaching out, he took one of Duo's hands and pressed a rounded, rippled, pure white shell into his hand. "I picked it up off the bottom."

"Thanks." Grinning, Duo leaned in to brush a kiss across Heero's lips, wrinkling his nose when all he tasted was the same salty water he'd been coughing up for the last ten minutes. "Wow, ocean kisses are _gross_."

Riding back to the dock as the sun was setting, Duo felt oddly light. _Maybe I coughed out a few brain cells…_ But no, looking around at his friends against the backdrop of the sky and the sea, smiling and joking - he knew the buzz he felt in his gut was something else. He had no idea what to call it, really, but it was something he didn't want to ever end.

*******

_o/~ Do you care what i believe_

_or that i wear your heart upon my sleeve_

_Sometimes i think you never knew_

_the only truth i see is you_

_It's you ~/o_

The energy between them all had changed. Even though the next week went by all too quickly as they swapped back and forth between modules and repairs, the pilots suddenly seemed to always find the time for a meal, a snorkel, or just a quiet walk by the ocean.

Tonight, Duo had managed to convince the group to have a bonfire down on the beach. There was no moon at all and when Duo stepped back to gaze up at the sky, the tapestry of stars appeared so bright that it seemed like he should be able to reach up and touch them. The blaze was burning upwards, the flames licking at the twinkling lights, and Trowa let out an appreciative whistle as he crossed the sand to where Duo had set several blankets at a mostly-safe distance from his creation. "All this for marshmallows? It looks like you're trying to roast _us_."

"It's awesome, isn't it?" Duo's eyes sparkled mischievously as he sidled up to Trowa. "Did you get what I asked for?"

"Yes."

"No one saw you?" Duo would have done the thieving himself, but he'd been too busy preparing the bonfire.

Trowa raised an eyebrow as he slipped a small flask out of the back pocket of his shorts and held it up between two fingers. "No one saw me. Heero was on ICM-vc with Noin and Quatre was collecting ingredients in the kitchen." The corners of Trowa's mouth twitched into a small smile and Duo jumped on the opportunity as he picked up a large palm frond and fanned his fire.

"So… how're things between you and Quat?" In the last week, Duo and Heero had resumed something of a more… regular interaction - he liked to think with an inward grin - but Duo wondered if things had gotten any further between his friends than the "smiles" that Quatre had mentioned.

Trowa didn't really know what to say in response, but he could tell that Duo was genuinely curious – and after walking in on their scene at Relena's birthday party, he could hardly blame the braided boy. "Good," he finally chose to answer, but he wanted to say more and Duo was still giving him the 'I'm waiting' look. "We've spent a lot of time together at night, listening to music or just talking…"

"Just talking?"

"Quatre… he has this way of knowing what everyone around him is feeling, or even thinking…" Trowa smoothly avoided answering, shoving his hands into his pockets and staring at where the flames were so hot that they looked electric blue.

Duo snorted, dropping the palm and flopping down onto one of the blankets. "Don't I know it… but he always means well."

"Yes… but sometimes I wish I could do the same – know how he's feeling, know… what to do."

Duo pursed his lips to keep his chuckle in, along with his ideas of exactly what Trowa _ought_ to be doing with Quatre. "You could try asking him. He does love giving advice. Or you could just try…" Duo looked up at Trowa, waiting until their eyes locked. "You could just try _doing_ something about it, the next time you feel that way and don't know what to say."

Trowa knew exactly what Duo was getting at, but he was saved yet again from having to respond because Quatre was jogging across the sand with a picnic basket, a huge smile on his face. "I can't believe how big the fire is, Duo! I could see it burning the moment I stepped out the door, even from above!"

"I'll take that as a compliment," Duo made an especially showy bow as he invited Quatre to sit, noticing that Trowa waited until Quatre had chosen a spot before sitting down beside him.

As Quatre began to unpack the ingredients from the picnic basket, Heero came striding over the sand, holding out a fistful of sticks to Duo, each one perfectly and evenly sharpened. "I whittled them while Noin was giving me the updates. Safer than your suggestion of forks."

"Thanks!" Duo accepted a stick and reached for the bag of marshmallows while Heero gave sticks to Trowa and Quatre. "So I may know how to create an extremely large fire, but I haven't actually roasted marshmallows over one before… so… "

"Are you expecting us to tell ghost stories around the fire, Duo?" Quatre teased as he set out graham crackers and pieces of chocolate on plates.

Duo shook his head, inching his marshmallow as close to the flames as he could without setting it on fire. "Nah, I was thinking maybe a game? Used to play this over a soup can fire with some kids I knew on L2, guess it's older than dirt."

"What's that?" Quatre asked curiously, wondering if Duo was just baiting him.

"Truth or dare."

"Hmm," Trowa said knowingly, crossing his arms over his chest and waiting to see the reactions of his friends. "Played with the circus."

Heero nudged Duo in the ribs with one elbow. "Explanation?"

"Well, someone asks someone else Truth or Dare, like, let's say I ask Quatre Truth or Dare – he's gotta pick and he's stuck with whatever he picked. Since I asked him, I get to choose it – the dare or the truth."

Quatre raised an eyebrow. "And if I refuse?"

Duo caught Trowa's eye over Quatre's head. "Then we get to vote on a punishment."

"And this is supposed to be fun?"

Duo chuckled softly, old memories flashing in his mind. "It's always _interesting_. People ask the strangest things, dare the most revealing – or vice versa. Come on, Quat – Truth or Dare?"

Quatre fussed for a moment as he handed around the plates he'd prepared, seeming uncertain for a moment, but then he finally looked up and answered, calmly and assuredly. "Truth.

Trowa's lips twitched into a smile as Duo nodded thoughtfully. Of course, the whole idea was to get Quatre to forfeit and accept punishment, but he couldn't make that too obvious or they wouldn't have any fun with their plan. "Truth, eh? Well… tell us about the one thing most on your mind right now."

Quatre was glad that the flashing light from the fire hid the color on his cheeks and he purposefully avoided Duo's eyes as he jammed a marshmallow onto the end of his stick. _Of course, I haven't been able to stop thinking about Trowa, but…_ "My… my family," he finally stuttered a little, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I've really put aside being head of the business to be here right now doing our work and some of my sisters have been on my case about it via ICM. I don't know why they expect so much of me. I might be the only male heir, but I'm still just one of the test tubes – no more special or gifted than any of them. Less experienced in some areas. And-and – have I said enough? I think I have." Quatre looked around the circle for confirmation, but no one said anything. "It's my turn then?" Turning his marshmallow slowly, he decided that there was no way he was going to let his friends outplay him at this. The idea was obviously to see who would crack first, in one way or another - and Quatre was far too good a strategist. "Heero – Truth or Dare?"

Heero barely waited a moment before responding, inserting his marshmallow until it caught fire. Withdrawing it, he coolly blew out the flame. "Dare."

Watching the curious expressions of his friends, Quatre could sense the mischief brewing and decided to play along. _Oh Duo Maxwell, I can tell you're up to something, but I won't go easy on you._ _You say you want revealing? _With perhaps the most unassuming smirk they'd ever seen from him, Quatre slid his marshmallow off the stick and onto the chocolate covered cracker before licking one finger. "Take off all your clothes and dive naked into the ocean." Quatre didn't know if Heero would do it, but if he did, Duo would probably lose it right then and there – and if he refused, maybe Quatre could figure out what the 'punishment' part of the game involved. Besides, whatever it was, he was certain that Heero could handle it.

Duo's eyes went as wide as saucers and even Trowa had to cough to cover his snicker of surprise.

Heero looked around the circle at his three very inane friends and rolled his eyes as he got to his feet. "That's really the best you can come up with?" _As if I'd give them the satisfaction of saying no. _With three pairs of eyes riveted to him, he pulled his tank top over his head and tossed it aside as he kicked off his sandals. Turning his back, he slid his shorts off, stepped out of them and took off at a run for the ocean.

Duo's breath caught in his throat as he watched the flex of muscles in that beautifully built body, the spell only broken when Heero finally disappeared beneath the water. "Mmm…" he hummed contentedly, leaning back on his elbows and giving Quatre a sly grin. "Thanks for the show, Quat."

The three boys had the decency to be very involved in making their next round of s'mores by the time Heero came back to the blankets and pulled his shorts back on. "Trowa," he intoned evenly, pulling the burnt and now cooled marshmallow off the end of his stick. "Truth or dare?"

After the way the last few questions had gone, Trowa wondered which choice would result in less torture. Would Heero dare him something bizarre? Was there anything he could be asked that he wasn't willing to answer? Heero was not the most readable person, and Trowa finally shrugged and just said "Truth."

Secretly glad he didn't have to think of a dare, Heero decided to keep it simple. Thinking of the letters he and Duo had written for months, he chose something open-ended but also revealing. "Tell us one thing we don't know about you that you wouldn't want anyone else knowing."

Trowa started visibly at the question, though he shouldn't have been surprised that Heero would use the game as an opportunity to learn more about the other pilots. He swallowed once, a bit uncomfortably, because he'd been thinking of telling his friends "the truth" for awhile now – ever since he'd lost and regained his memory. Addressing Heero directly, he frowned before responding. "I'm… I'm not the real Trowa Barton."

"I didn't think so…" Heero murmured, thoughtfully popping the marshmallow into his mouth and listening as Trowa explained the background story regarding his witnessing of the murder of the original Trowa.

"So it's not just that you're not Trowa Barton and that Trowa Barton is dead," Duo said in surprise, interrupting the story. "But you don't actually know your original name?"

Trowa shrugged. "It's not that big a deal to me – I just don't remember back past a certain time in my childhood, and even what I do remember is more addled now than it used to be."

"Sorry," Quatre mumbled, fiddling with the marshmallow he was putting on the end of his stick, surprised when Trowa wrapped an arm around his shoulders and squeezed.

"Don't even start with that," Trowa cut him off. "What's done is done. Isn't it my turn now?"

"Trowa, before we continue," Heero cut in, his brow crinkled in a way that signaled he was deep in thought. "In light of your latest revelation, I think it's even more important to keep an eye on what's coming out of X-18999. I'm still not sure that obituary wasn't forged."

Trowa nodded pensively before squeezing Quatre's shoulders again. "Truth or dare?"

In the warm circle of Trowa's arm, Quatre felt the old pains over the Zero incident ease as he debated what to choose. "Truth," he replied, assuming lightly that Trowa would be gentle with him.

That wasn't the case, however, as Quatre missed the glint in Trowa's eyes as Duo got up to add wood to the bonfire. "Truth, hmm? Quatre… how many people in this circle have you kissed?"

There was a teasing look in Trowa's eyes that said clearly that he only meant to force Quatre to acknowledge them in front of their friends, but the blond froze as behind them, Duo dropped a piece of wood onto his toes with a curse. "I… don't want to answer that," he bit his lip and ducked his head, hoping Trowa would take it as shyness. It had been many long months ago that he'd kissed Duo in Africa. _We thought Heero was dead!_ His brain tried to give him excuses, but he hadn't forgotten about it and he was sure Duo hadn't either, and from the look of curiosity on Heero's face, he didn't think the other boy knew about it.

Luckily for both boys, Trowa had half been hoping for that response and forged right ahead with the plan he and Duo had concocted. "Refusing to answer?"

Duo dumped the wood onto the fire with a grin, relieved that Quatre had chosen not to answer the question _and_ finally taken the bait for their plan. "Punishment!" he announced, nodding to Trowa. "Since you asked, Tro, I'm with whatever punishment you want to dole out."

Heero watched with interest as Trowa and Duo then proceeded to convince Quatre that he had to drink from the flask they'd obviously pilfered from somewhere, wondering why the previous exchange had seemed a bit awkward. Even more so, his mind was still on the situation on X-18999, debating about Trowa's ties to it and the relationship of Dekim Barton to what was going on in world affairs. He didn't realize it was his turn again until Duo elbowed him, still snickering at the tears in Quatre's eyes.

"Earth to Heero, it's your turn," Duo chuckled, taking the flask back from Quatre and taking a swig from it himself.

"Hey!" Quatre exclaimed, crossing his arms over his chest crossly though it was obvious he was simply playing along at this point. "I thought that was supposed to be _punishment_!"

"Maybe for you it is, law-abiding citizen," Duo snickered a little, offering the flask to Heero. He wanted to be surprised when Heero willingly took the flask from him, since the only time they'd ever had a drink together was the night the war ended – but he wasn't surprised, not really.

Slightly ruffled by both Trowa and Duo, Quatre decided it was a good choice to pick on Heero again for his turn. The little bit of rum he'd had sat hot in his stomach, but he found that he didn't really mind. It was warm and comfortable the same way the fire, and his friends, felt warm and comfortable. "Heero – Truth or Dare?

Heero took a long swig from the flask before passing it to Trowa, raising an eyebrow at Quatre and wondering what he'd come up with this time. "Dare."

Now that Quatre knew what the punishment - and point – of Duo and Trowa's little game was, he was even better equipped to play. "Kiss Duo."

Heero knew from the tone of Quare's voice that he wasn't going to take a quick peck in response, but that wasn't a problem. He'd been staring at Duo while drinking from the flask again, watching as the braided boy attempted to lick all of the sticky marshmallow goo off of his fingers. Heero could think of nothing better than complying. Crawling across the blanket, he took Duo down beneath him, crushing the other boy's mouth against his own, quite aware of the whistle they got from Trowa.

Duo was not quite expecting the sudden attack, but as Heero's warm weight settled over him, it was all too easy to forget their surroundings and return that kiss until he was breathless.

Finally breaking away, Heero pulled back a few inches to ask Duo, a hint of a smile on his lips. "Truth or dare?"

Duo smirked at the challenge in his voice. "Dare."

Heero sat back on his heels to let Duo up, holding up the mostly empty flask. "Finish it and get another one."

Quatre couldn't help but laugh at the startled expression on Duo's face and wondered if that was why Heero had made the request – to turn the tables on him.

"That's… not a dare!"

"Sure it is," Heero reached for his stick and the bag of marshmallows with a shrug. "A dare is just something someone else asks you to do." He waited until Duo had grumbled at him playfully and dashed off up the stairs to the clubhouse before addressing Trowa and Quatre. "Duo's… birthday is about two weeks away – not saying we need to decide right now – but it's a big deal to him…"

"Duo's birthday? Really?" Quatre brightened, humming a little as he started thinking of what to do. "Thank you for telling us, Heero. I'm sure we'll all be able to think of something special to do for him."

When Duo returned, he made a big show of finishing the original flask before producing the bottle of rum he'd snitched from the bar in the Clubhouse. "It was no trouble at all." Dropping the empty flask in the sand, he spun a pointed a finger at Quatre. "It's your fault it was Heero's turn, so you're next!"

"I'm not sure that makes any sense, Duo…" Trowa snickered into Quatre's shoulder a little.

"Well, the statement does," Quatre countered, watching as the bottle made its way around the group. He wanted to feel a little guilty – and not for breaking any laws – but he couldn't. He was having too much fun and his friends were having too much fun, and really, he wasn't sure he'd ever seen them this relaxed. "But the truth is--"

"Truth or dare!" Duo cut him off, still pointing, a surprisingly defiant expression on his face.

Quatre grinned, crossing his arms over his chest, thoroughly amused that they had all attempted to best Duo at his own game – maybe _that_ was the point? "Dare, Duo – I choose dare!"

"Quatre Raberba Winner, I dare you to eat a _flaming_ marshmallow!" Snatching Heero's reloaded stick out of his hand, Duo thrust it into the flames, withdrawing the fireball and bringing it within inches of Quatre's extremely startled face.

Watching as Quatre's face went sheet white, Trowa sensed an opportunity. Leaning forward, he slipped the stick right out of Duo's grip with a sharp twist, tilting his head back dramatically. "I will absorb your dare!" Quatre's expression was horrified as Duo looked on in shock, and Heero was… laughing. _Mission Accomplished_. Trowa grinned in satisfaction and inserted the flaming marshmallow into his mouth, swallowing it in one gulp.

"HOLY SHIT!" Duo bellowed, dropping to his knees in the sand. "OH DAMN TROWA BARTON!" All four boys dissolved into laughter until Duo finally managed to gasp out. "Just another circus trick?"

Trowa shrugged mysteriously. "Does this mean it's my turn or am I in trouble for breaking the rules?"

"Wait, wait," Quatre said breathlessly, his cheeks flushed and one hand clutching his gut from the pain of laughing so hard. "If we've already broken the rules, can't I break another? I want to ask everyone a question."

Duo crawled back onto the blanket beside Heero, wiping tears from his eyes as he realized that all of his friends were looking at him. _Well, I did start this game…_ "Fuck it, go ahead Quat, ask away."

"I don't really know how my mind got to this," Quatre said, a little dreamily as he held the bottle of rum between his hands but didn't drink any of it. "Tangential thinking… but what would your perfect day be like? The place, the weather, the people, what would you do? Where would you go?"

"How could you even choose?" Duo answered immediately. He'd fallen backwards on the blanket, arms folded behind his head as he gazed up at the sky. "I don't know that I've seen enough to pick a favorite, a perfect day – too many places I want to go or things I want to do. I don't even want _one_ perfect day, just a _lot_ of days, peaceful days, to start checking off the list."

"No details?" Quatre persisted.

"I think a perfect day would be more about how it made you feel than where you were or what you were doing," Trowa started slowly, his eyes gazing into the fire and not at any of his friends. "So wherever I happened to be, I'd want all of you there."

"I'm pretty sure all of us want that, Tro," Duo answered him back. His gaze was still upwards, so he missed the sharp intake of breath from Quatre as Trowa suddenly stretched out beside him, laying his head on Quatre's knee with a smile. "As for details, Quat… well, I guess if it was my choice, I'd want a night, not a day – a breezy night, just as the last edge of summer's fading. There would have to be a beach involved. A lot of food. And fireworks."

"Fireworks?" Heero interrupted, leaning back on his elbows to look down at Duo with a smile. "Why am I not surprised that your perfect day includes explosives?"

"And yours wouldn't?"

Heero shrugged a little, taking a moment to ponder before answering. "Maybe. I can't wager on what I haven't experienced, but choosing from what I do know… I'd be riding a motorcycle on a cliff above the ocean – it would be overcast and cold – gray but not raining--"

"And you'd better be on the way to see me on this perfect day," Duo cut in, to which Heero rolled his eyes and elbowed Duo, who elbowed him back.

Quatre still had the bottle of rum in his hands, but he realized as he moved to put it aside in the sand that it was nearly empty. Had he really finished the second half of the bottle himself? Trowa's eyes were half-lidded and Heero and Duo were still engaged in an elbow war – or was it a groping war? When no one else spoke right away, Quatre took a deep breath and started talking. "I'll tell you mine, though it's hard to decide. I think I'd spend it on Earth, maybe Italy… no, Paris… It would definitely be a bright spring day, everything blooming, the fresh scent of flowers…crisp and clear… I know I'd want all of you there with me, of course – maybe we'd be at an outdoor concert, maybe even one we were performing in. Wouldn't that be fun? Then an elaborate dinner, as many courses as we could possibly eat, especially dessert… then perhaps a stroll beside the Seine at twilight…" He trailed off wistfully, coming back to reality only to realize that all of his friends had dozed off. He smiled as his gaze moved from face to face and then he leaned down to press a kiss to Trowa's temple.

"Well, does this mean I win the game?" Pleased as he was with his victory, even the half a bottle of rum couldn't keep his analytical mind from pondering. _I don't drink, never drank. It's been scientifically proven that test tube babies have extremely low alcohol tolerance…that's why I've never…_ "Yet here I am, drinking like a fish, acting, sounding like… my father." Quatre's stomach turned over as he realized the implication, but at precisely that moment, as if he'd sensed Quatre's distress, Trowa reached a hand up to touch first his cheek, then his arm, tugging.

With the crackle of the fire and the crash of the ocean as his lullaby, Quatre decided he could let the thought go for the time being. He wasn't ready to face it yet anyway.

*******

_o/~ It's my declaration_

_to anyone who's listening_

_You're my inspiration_

_as I stand alone against the world_

_Cause you love_

_and you bleed_

_cause you stole my soul_

_and set me free_

_It's my declaration ~/o_

"So where exactly are we going?" Duo whispered.

"Just down to the beach…" Heero's voice was soft and teasing in Duo's ear as he knotted the blindfold snuggly in back.

The whisper of the other boy's breath on his neck made Duo give an extra shiver of excitement. "But I know what the beach looks like!" he protested feebly as Heero took one of his hands and led him towards the steps he'd run up and down a hundred times in the last few weeks.

"I thought you'd enjoy having a surprise?"

At the concerned tone of Heero's voice, Duo relented a little. "I do… but you didn't have to go to any trouble."

Duo hadn't been woken by the alarm this morning and he'd been tickled with delight when he'd walked into the main room to find a breakfast buffet the length of the room set up in his honor. Even better than that, his friends had announced that he'd been allowed to sleep in because they were all taking the day off together. Duo had at first felt a little bit guilty about it, with the work they still had to complete, but when it became clear that each of them was truly enjoying it, he couldn't help but feel really touched by the gesture. So, of course, he'd spent the morning body surfing and tube surfing out on the gorgeous beach with his friends, followed by the world's largest cheeseburger and an afternoon nap in a hammock in the shade. He'd been so happy when he'd fallen asleep… he really didn't want the day to end, and he'd been glad when Heero had come to wake him with this surprise.

_Maybe after today, I'll have an answer for Quatre's perfect day question._

The thought made his stomach do a nervous sort of tumble and he wasn't sure why. _It's only the first birthday I've ever had… _

"Well, it's sort of your first birthday," Heero replied as they reached the foot of the stairs, startling Duo back into reality, as if he'd just slipped that thought right away from him. "I observed that you wanted it to feel… special. I hope we've done at least an adequate job."

They'd walked across the soft sand a little ways, but now Heero gently stopped him, reaching to slip the blindfold off. There was nothing but the gentle crash of the waves and a low rumble of thunder in the distance until Duo opened his eyes, blinking several times. It was dusk, the sun setting over the ocean streaking the sky a vivid rose that faded up into powder blue and then darkened to the east. The first thing to catch his eyes was the bonfire Heero had lit, but his gaze slowly traveled to the blanket spread out on the sand, Heero standing beside it with the wind tousling his hair, and in his hand… "Heero Yuy, is that a bottle of wine?"

"It's not for truth or dare, I promise," Heero quipped, his eyes flickering over Duo's shoulder as a bright bolt of lighting criss-crossed the sky a little too close for his liking.

Duo laughed as he threw his arms around Heero, hugging him tightly. "Was this really your idea?" he whispered in Heero's ear as the other boy set the bottle down in the sand with a heavy thunk.

Heero chuckled softly, not at all insulted by Duo's perceptiveness. "The part about us, alone on the beach at sunset? That was me. I'm sure you can guess the culprits behind the blindfold and the wine."

"I like the Us Alone part best," Duo said, pressing his lips to the side of Heero's neck and winding both hands into dark and unruly hair. "It's a great present." Heero's arms tightened around him and recalling the earlier statement, Duo choked out a few more words as he pulled back to look at the other boy, his eyes burning a little at the edges. "I feel special, I do. I feel…" _I feel loved._ "Heero, I…"

Thunder snapped loudly over their heads, interrupting Duo as they both jumped in surprise. A gust of wind lifted the blanket off of the snd and Duo reached to grab it, turning back to look at Heero with an expression that was somewhere between frustrated and apologetic. Heero was starting to think he knew what Duo was trying to say, and he wouldn't lie to himself and say that the idea hadn't floated through his mind at all in the past few weeks. _Love. Do I…_ "Duo," he started slowly, though he nearly had to yell as the wind picked up again.

Another crackle of lightning bisected the darkening sky and a sizzle of sparks went up from somewhere further inland. With a final crash of thunder, the skies opened above the two pilots' heads.

*******

"Trowa?!" Quatre's voice called as he threw open the door to the cottage the four boys shared. The rain was lashing brutally against the windows and it took all of his body weight to close and latch the door securely behind him. "Did you there in time?"

"In the bedroom," Trowa called back to him. "And it's protected with tarps, but I saw the strike when I was on my way back. How bad is it?"

Quatre kicked off his sandals and shook the water out of his hair before following the sound of Trowa's voice through the darkened cottage. There were a few candles lit, just enough light to guide the way, until he reached the doorway of their bedroom and saw the circle ringing the room with golden, flickering light. Every single one reflected against the glass of the windows and the door was flung open, the rain already reduced to a gentle patter. The sight took his breath away and he paused awkwardly before finally answering the question. "Howard says it only hit one generator, that he'll have it back up in a few hours…"

Trowa lit one more candle, setting it down on the table beside the bed as Quatre crossed the room, turning in every direction as his cheeks colored. "Any other damage?" he intoned softly.

"No… but we'll have to hold off on the rest of the surprise until the storm passes, which might actually happen first. It's just a bad squall…" He came to a stop in front of the taller boy, surprised at the intensity in Trowa's expression when he met the other boy's eyes. "Trowa, this is…" he started, pausing when Trowa reached out to stroke a thumb gently over his lips. "Beautiful," he murmured.

Trowa's hand drifted to cradle Quatre's face and he leaned in to brush a feather-light kiss across the smaller boy's lips. "So are you," he said softly. He reached with his other hand to pull Quatre closer to him, whispering in his ear. "So you're telling me that no one will be looking for us for a few hours?"

"L-likely," Quatre stammered a little, his own hands rising to rest against Trowa's strong back. _This is really happening. There's nothing to stop us._ "Trowa, I…" Quatre had to admit to himself that he'd been teasing Trowa as often as possible since the night of the bonfire game, but he just hadn't been able to bring himself to _ask_, to push the boundary that far. _But I sure as hell won't tell him no._

"Quatre…" Trowa whispered again, pausing for a moment to gather his nerve. "I want to be with you. Do you…"

Quatre didn't even wait for him to finish the question, but leaned in to kiss him softly on the lips, never breaking their gaze. "Yes."

A smile broke across Trowa's face and he suddenly scooped the other boy up, carrying him across the room to their bed even as Quatre giggled just a little at the gesture. He laid Quatre down on the white sheets and pulled the gauzy drapes closed around them, hovering over him for a moment to drink in the sight of the blond waiting and willing. _I don't deserve him._

Sensing the hesitation in Trowa's touch, Quatre sat up, reaching for both of his wrists and pulling until Trowa was on top of him. "Don't you dare, Trowa Barton," he hissed. "Don't you dare tell yourself no when you tell me yes. Do you need me to tell you again? I'll tell you a hundred times for the once you've told me, if it means you won't doubt this."

"I don't… doubt it…" Trowa settled his weight over Quatre, reaching to brush the hair from his face, overwhelmed by the depth of emotion in those turquoise eyes. "That we both want… but…"

Quatre's heart tightened as he realized what Trowa had really been trying to ask him, probably for some time now. And he wasn't afraid of saying it first – the same way he hadn't been afraid to risk his heart in bringing all of them together in the first place. "Trowa, I love you. I have… for a long time."

"Quatre…" Trowa's voice broke on the other boy's name. "I love you too."

The two boys surged towards each other to seal those words with another kiss, tongues exploring and hands traveling as the wind from the storm flickered the candles and fluttered the gauze. Trowa wasted no time as his nimble fingers unbuttoned Quatre's shirt, pausing only long enough in kissing to pull his own off as well. He bent to take one pink nipple between his teeth, his hands dragging the rest of Quatre's clothing down his body in a whoosh. Quatre's hands buried in Trowa's hair as his body arched into the touch. His skin burned everywhere that it met Trowa's and he gasped at the hand that boldly encircled his cock, stroking it firmly.

"T-Trowa!" Quatre stuttered, his eyes rolling back in his head as the other boy's lips began to travel down to his navel, but just as he reached a truly teasing point, he pulled back again. This time it was Quatre's turn to reach up, hooking his fingers underneath the edge of Trowa's pants and tugging insistently. "Nothing between us." Trowa complied with the other boy's demands, sliding the rest of his clothing off and pushing it aside. Kneeling over the other boy, Trowa closed his eyes as Quatre danced his fingers lightly down his body, and then leaned down to take the other boy's length into his mouth, feeling his own cock tighten at Quatre's keening cry.

Quatre was making it quite obvious what role he wanted to play and Trowa had no problem with it at all. When he felt the blond's breathing start to quicken, he let go, crawling up his body to slide three of his fingers into Quatre's mouth. His face was flushed, his eyes darkened to near-black in the dimly-lit room and Trowa kissed him again and again as he reached to prepare him for their joining.

It felt almost like a sacred ritual to Quatre, the empathic swirl of their two spirits amidst the flickering candles, and as Trowa knelt again, lifting his hips gently, Quatre reached out to grab his hand, twining their fingers together. He couldn't help the little cry of pain as Trowa entered him, but it was quickly replaced by pleasure he knew he would never find the words to describe. Their bodies rocked together and Quatre closed his eyes, his ears buzzing until he thought that even their hearts were beating in sync. One last gasp of air and his mind blanked, and they were falling together, spinning and tumbling and… oh god, he was sure he'd never live it down, but he was actually crying a little too – but he could hear Trowa laughing, the sound echoing through every part of him.

*******

"Shiiiit," Duo hissed as the rain came pouring down. Heero reached to grab his wrist, pulling him across the sand, back towards the covered pavilion, and hand in hand, they ran for shelter. The moment was definitely broken as they skidded to a stop and Duo turned to watch morosely as the beach became a pockmarked pile of goo. They'd been right there, he knew it, knew the things that had hovered in the air between them. But what should he do now - just turn to Heero and try to say those words? "Damn…"

Heero winced a little as Duo kicked one of the chairs into a picnic table, dropping the blanket on it with a grumbled curse. "Duo…" he started, taking a step closer. "Hey."

Duo paused, looking up at Heero apologetically. "Sorry, I just… didn't want it ruined and…and…"

"It doesn't have to be ruined," Heero said with a shake of his head, watching as Duo began to pace back and forth across the small space like a caged animal. After a 7th loop, Heero couldn't take it anymore and he had to step in, blocking his path and grabbing his wrist sharply. "Maxwell! Stop! We're still…" and he paused, backpedaling Duo into one of the columns holding up the roof until he could shove a knee between his legs. "Alone on the beach. Are you really going to let it rain on your parade?"

Duo's lips curled into a smirk and he thrust his hips towards Heero's, shivering a little when a strong gust of wind dusted them lightly with the rain. "I guess I haven't gotten my present yet."

Lightning flashed again, illuminating the mischief in his lover's eyes, and Heero leaned in to claim that smirk, grinding his knee against Duo again and receiving one in return that forced a small grunt out of him. Tilting their heads, Heero slowly explored Duo's mouth, refusing to allow him any power in the kiss as he slowly stripped him of his swimsuit. Finding Heero's kiss to be completely unyielding, Duo let himself be plundered, sliding his hands down into Heero's swimsuit to squeeze his ass sharply before clawing the fabric down until it dropped around his ankles. "Your present…" Heero started, pausing to catch his breath. He lifted Duo up onto his hips, leaning in to lick a line along his collarbone before thrusting up into him.

"Aah!" Duo cried out, his voice lost in the pounding sound of the rain just beyond the edge of their shelter. He left one hand on Heero's shoulder and lifted the other to wrap around the column against his back. Heero was relentless, as if the force of the storm was driving their rhythm, and the angle at which he was thrusting was sending curls of pleasure all the way into Duo's toes. Wrapping his legs tightly around Heero, Duo squeezed with every thrust, his hair coming loose from its braid as it ground up and down against the column. The rattle of the rain on the roof rose in volume so that he couldn't even hear his own gasps for air, but as colors exploded in his vision and his eyes fluttered closed, he could have sworn that Heero was saying something to him.

Heero had said something at the moment of release, but it was lost to the storm as Duo collapsed against him and Heero sank to his knees. They sat like that, wound around each other, until the sound of the rain had quieted and the thunder was barely an echo in the distance. Finally, with one more kiss, they separated and climbed to their feet, Duo stretching and strutting around the pavilion naked. "Hell of a gift, Yuy," he crowed with sparkling eyes, climbing up on a table just to jump off of it.

Heero chuckled softly, pulling his swimsuit back on before tossing Duo's at him. "Didn't go quite as planned--"

"What ever does with us?" Duo grinned, pulling his swimsuit on – and just in time. The clattering of feet on the stairs signaled the arrival of their friends, and Quatre called out to them.

"T-minus 2 minutes to the last surprise of the day!"

"Better view out this way," Trowa added, waving to Heero and Duo as he and Quatre arrived at the bottom of the stairs. He grinned especially at Duo, but as Quatre had hold of his hand, he was quickly dragged away and out onto the drying beach.

Duo took Heero's hand and they ran to join their friends, Duo yelping about how cold the sand was under their feet. Just as they'd stepped out from under the edge of the shelter, a bright spark shot up into the clearing sky.

BANG!

A burst of color exploded against the silvery clouds, a shower of blue and purple sparks raining down over the murky ocean. "FIREWORKS!" Duo yelled, spinning in crazy circles on the beach. He ran from friend to friend, grabbing their hands and forcing them to spin with him as more fireworks exploded above them, faster and faster – gold rain, red spirals, green and pink and blue, big and small. Duo laughed as a particularly loud one's boom made his entire chest reverberate. Throwing his arms around his friends in a group hug, he knocked their heads together with a grin. "Perfect day."

*******

"I can't believe it's almost August. The summer is flying by." Duo chattered at Quatre as they climbed into the golf cart to ride across to the other side of the island, where the boat to the barge would be waiting for them. The field training modules were all finished and the Preventers' work had turned to intelligence, hacking, programming… and any other loose ends they could come up with. Duo's favorite was the 'how to hand off contraband while faking a punch' lesson.

Today, however, had been designated solely for the test piloting of the new Gundam upgrades and they were all, to put it mildly, _hella-fucking_-_excited._

"Time flies when you're having fun, as the old saying goes," Quatre remarked, kicking up the speed on the little cart so that they careened around the curve.

Duo giggled a little as his braid swung out to the side, but he knew his driving skills had rubbed off on Quatre and he was already holding on tightly. "Time is exactly what I don't have a lot of!" Duo protested, turning on his pout full force even as Quatre pretended to stare straight ahead at the dirt road.

"I thought you'd already asked every single one of the cooks for their best cake recipes?"

"I did…" Duo huffed a little. "But how am I supposed to decide? What if it turns out terribly? What if it doesn't feel… special enough?"

Quatre knew what Duo was getting at, but also knew that nothing he could suggest would fill the void. "It has to be something that means something to the two of you. I can't possibly know the answer."

"I know…" Duo sighed, but immediately brightened as the cart came around the last bend to reveal Heero and Trowa waiting for them with the boat. With a whoop of excitement, Duo swung himself off the cart before Quatre had even fully stopped it. "Tell me that my buddy's all ready and rarin' to go!"

"Howard's handling the final check on surrounding airspace," Heero confirmed as Duo jumped into the boat. Trowa waited to offer a hand to Quatre and a moment later, they were speeding off towards the barge.

The second they had arrived, Duo was gone, tearing through the ship, out onto the wide deck where the four Gundams sat polished and gleaming in the sunlight. Shielding his eyes from the glare, he raised his gaze to look Deathscythe in the eyes, a slow grin stretching across his face. "More gorgeous than ever, 'Scythe." Not bothering to wait for his friends, Duo climbed the Gundam with ease, his hands going cold as he settled into the cockpit and hit the switch to close it. _Anticipation for exhilaration._

"Got a bad case of ants in the pants, Maxwell?" Heero's dry sarcasm popped up in a window, but Duo could hear that it was laced with far more affection than it had been once upon a time. Trowa's and Quatre's windows popped up a heartbeat later and the four pilots eyed each other across the screens.

"S'not my fault if you guys are a buncha slowpokes!"

"Is that a challenge, Duo?" Trowa smirked as he cut in. "Because I am accepting all wagers."

"Just remember, it's a test pilot – not a duel to the death!" Quatre lectured them as Howard gave the group the green light for take-off.

Wing Zero shot straight up into the air like a bullet, Heero's voice dead-panning to his friends as he left them in the dust. "But we should push them enough to test the new mechanics."

Duo laughed as he engaged the controls, soaring upwards after him. "Now _that_ is a challenge." The new modifications had changed the Gundams completely. Where once Duo had spent so much energy accounting for the mass, he now found that everything – every slice, every jump, every slash, every dash – was smoother, faster, less work and more power. The island became a mere dot the higher he flew until it was but a faint memory that faded in recess as he hit the edge of the atmosphere. It was tempting to head straight into space – he knew the upgrade was there, though shaky – but he didn't want Quatre to kill him for damaging the brand new shiny toys. _It's a pity, really, that ESUN is slowly destroying all mobile suits in existence._ Duo wasn't an idiot – he knew that eventually the Gundams would join the list. But damn if he wasn't going to enjoy every second of …this – this pure and powerful freedom – until the call came. Until then, he was still a Gundam pilot…

After the testing was finished, he lingered in Deathscythe's cockpit, lost in thought until Heero finally appeared in the doorway. "Everything okay, Duo?"

"Yeah, yeah," he replied quickly, powering the system down and rising to his feet. "It's just… been awhile. And time flies and all that. Hard to believe they're finished."

"It's good that they are," Heero said, stepping back to make room for Duo. "If there's a threat, we can neutralize it."

Duo nodded, not saying anything further until they'd climbed down to the floor. "For now, right? Until the Preventers is off the ground…" Duo wondered if Heero thought about the possible destruction of their Gundams. _Would he really give up Zero if ESUN asked him to?_ "And then…"

Heero knew what Duo was getting at, but also saw the perfect opening for something he'd been trying to bring up for the last week. "Someday it _will_ be just the Preventers keeping the peace, I believe it," Heero answered him. "I am also close to certain that ESUN will demand some form of surrender of our mobile suits once they are convinced that no others remain. How closely tied together those two objectives are… nobody can really say."

"So you'd hand Zero over?"

"I would, when it's time." Heero reached to touch Duo's shoulder lightly. "Duo, you know that I've already promised to see Preventers through to fruition – which includes heading up the training of the first recruits – and I want you to come with me." There were a lot of reasons why, some more revealing than others, but Heero didn't know if he'd need to share his mental list or not.

"I…" Duo hadn't intended to work for Preventers, but with Heero asking him to go, how could he say no? _After all, I was just reminding myself that being a Gundam pilot comes with a certain sense of responsibility…_ "Yes, yes, of course I'll go with you." What did it matter why he was saying yes? Whether it was for the peace, the mission… or just because he didn't want to be parted from Heero… did it really matter? Knowing what they were now going to do next lifted a weight of worry off of his shoulders that he hadn't even realized was there, and he hugged Heero tightly in relief. "Like I'd say no."

"Just thought I'd check," Heero said, hugging him back. "I can't promise it'll be island breezes, or even that it won't be a hell of a lot of the same crap we've been doing…"

"I already said yes," Duo joked gently. "You don't need to keep convincing me."

"No?"

Duo grinned, kissing him lightly. "Not unless you want to convince me in other ways too."

Back on the island that evening, Duo took a walk down to the beach early to set up what had become the near-nightly bonfire for his friends. Sinking into the sand after getting it going, he drew his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around and resting his chin on top as he watched the setting sun. He wasn't sorry that he'd agreed to go with Heero, but he also knew it was unlikely that Trowa and Quatre would go with them too. _I really wish this summer could be endless… not a perfect day, but a perfect forever._ Even so, he knew that change was simply a process of life – that all the things he wanted to do and the places he wanted to see would never happen if he stayed locked in any one moment forever. Besides, his friends had worked hard to bring his "perfect day" to life, no matter how vague his declaration, and in the end, no matter how perfect it had been, it had left him wanting other and different and just _more_ days.

"Heh, maybe we should start trying to create the other perfect days too, maybe we'll come up with more ideas and it'll never stop." _More than likely, it'd just become another challenge between us…_ Duo's thoughts drifted until an idea suddenly struck him. What if he could give Heero something that was a piece of his perfect day vision? There wasn't a lot of detail to go on, nor a lot of time to work with, but he definitely had an idea. "Where there's a will, there's a way…"

*******

Duo would probably always remember the date. August 13th, two days before Heero's birthday – he wondered ruefully if the number thirteen was haunting them.

A pounding on the cottage door at shortly after 5 AM woke all four boys at the same time, but it was Heero who reached the door first to find a member of Howard's crew banging on it as he gasped for air. "Sorry to wake you – but there's a call, Howard verified it. She says it's an emergency."

"She?" Duo groaned as he stumbled into the main room just as the door to Trowa and Quatre's room swung open. "Please don't even say it."

"Relena Darlian," the crewman finally spit out. "Please, you've got to hurry. It hasn't hit the wires yet, but it won't be long."

Heero was already on his way out the door, barefoot but dressed, and Duo hurried to pull a shirt over his head as he followed him, his friends right behind. It was still dark outside and the cobblestones were cold underneath Duo's feet, matching the chill racing through him. _Has peace ended so soon? _He didn't want to believe it, but if Relena was calling them frantically in the dead of night, then it couldn't be good news. The call was set up on the main screen in the Clubhouse and Relena was pacing back and forth across said screen as they filed in, Heero and Quatre sitting on the couch, Duo and Trowa standing behind them, all with bleary but equally concerned expressions.

"Heero! Thank goodness!" Relena paused to face the screen, her face a surprisingly ashy white – and she was also in her pajamas, pink and frilly. "I knew I could count on you – so sorry, I don't have long. There's… there's been an attempt on the president's life! He's currently being looking over by a medical team, and Lady Une - oh, but Heero, that's not all!"

"Take a deep breath, Relena," Heero leaned forward, his hands fisting until his knuckles turned white. "Who's behind this?"

"We don't know yet, but that's not all – it was a series of planned attacks, it had to be. Some government buildings, a couple resource satellites, MO-6, 13 —sorry, hold on a minute…"

Relena slipped off the screen for a moment and Quatre cursed under his breath, jumping up to grab one of the laptops from the table where they'd been working on the latest intelligence trainings last night. "I've got to get in touch with my sisters – if there's been attacks, casualties, if they need assistance…"

"Let me help you set it up," Trowa murmured, following him over to the table and leaving Duo to come and take a seat beside Heero on the couch.

In the quiet of the kitchen, Quatre quickly logged onto ICM to find a flood of mail in his box as Trowa worked to configure a conference call for him. "The good news is that there are no casualties among my immediate family," Quatre said as he quickly skimmed mail after mail. "But employees, families…" Quatre choked up a little with a shake of his head. "I'm going to have to go back into space as soon as possible. I can't let my family down right now – as head of the family, it's me that should be making condolences to all of these people." _Just as my father would have…_

Back in the main room, Heero was still staring at the screen, his expression a complete blank, and Duo was so blown away that he hadn't said anything at all since he'd found out that Relena was calling. He looked up as she appeared on screen again, her expression vaguely apologetic. "I'm sorry, Heero – please hold for the President of the Earth Sphere Unified Nation." Duo had only a moment to close his dropped jaw and compose himself as the screen blinked out and then back in again with ESUN's logo before revealing the powerful but kind visage of Jackson Anders Pierce.

"Heero Yuy – and Duo Maxwell too," President Pierce greeted them, much to Duo's surprise. The President caught the momentary start and gave a grim sort of smile. "I know very well who you are, friends of ESUN. And I do apologize for the early hour of this call."

"No inconvenience, Mr. President," Heero responded immediately. "And glad to see that you are doing well."

President Pierce nodded gravely. "But there are many people out there who were less fortunate – and the continued safety of all ESUN citizens is still of utmost importance to me. Mr. Yuy, I think you'll understand me perfectly well when I tell you that I can't do my job as effectively when I'm constantly watching my back. I don't think Minister Darlian had time to tell you, but the assassination attempt came from within my own security team."

"Damn," Duo breathed out before covering his mouth with one hand in embarrassment.

"Quite alright, Mr. Maxwell – that was a pretty spot-on mimic of my own reaction," the president replied with a quirky rise of one eyebrow before returning to his serious demeanor. "I'll be blunt. These people are in _deep_ – whoever's behind this, they must have former ties to someone, something. They're unwilling to reveal themselves. The only thing we have to go on is an encrypted log from MO-6, sent out en-masse moments before the main space station on it was blown up – from within. We're doing our best to prepare press statements, but it's messy. The public is used to hearing about the skirmishes and raids that continue as we snuff out the last antagonists, but some of this is difficult to explain. A resource space station explosion? There may not yet be definite proof that all of these skirmishes are connected, but the timing is too precise – this isn't the work of White Fang remnants. I don't want to put citizens at unease – we are not yet at war; we have declared no war and war has not been declared upon us. But this situation is… ugly."

There was a beat of silence while Heero processed everything that President Pierce had said before calmly asking him. "Mr. President, with all due respect, what exactly are you trying to ask me?"

The President's eyebrows furrowed and he pursed his lips for a moment, but he didn't take true offense at the question. "Mr. Yuy, I need someone that I can trust to protect me, someone who will see the threat before it's coming. I'm aware there are still enemies out there, and until we eliminate every single one, all citizens of ESUN are in danger. And ESUN needs someone to unscramble that log. Relena Darlian suggested… but no, I shouldn't lay the blame on her shoulders. All of the Gundam pilots have proven themselves to be wholly behind the cause of peace, and therefore incorruptible in their loyalty to it. That's the kind of loyalty I require."

"That's a bold statement to make when you don't know us – only our actions."

"And what should a man be judged by?" the president countered. "The speeches he gives or the lives he changes?"

Duo could almost feel the ripple of emotion slide off Heero's shoulders, but the other boy did not change his expression or posture in the slightest, giving nothing away. "The Preventers--" he started calmly.

"Are still close to four months out, correct? There are good, trustworthy people involved – exactly the kind of people this government will continue to need – and in conjunction with the training that Noin tells me you've been creating, I believe the recruits will be able to do the job. In four months. But I need a guard now – I need much _better_ than a guard."

"When and where?"

The president relaxed a little as he realized that was as close to an actual acceptance as he was going to receive – and that there was definitely not going to be a contract. "We've been removed from Luxembourg to the previously established safety zone 13. Noin's kept you up to date?" Heero nodded and the president continued. "As soon as possible, Mr. Yuy."

"It's Heero, Mr. President," he returned.

The president paused for a moment, considering as he flattened his hands on the tabletop. "Jack." A beat. "Have a safe trip… and thank you." He reached to press a button below the screen and the picture snapped to black.

Heero and Duo sat side by side on the couch, both still focused on the blank screen. "You gonna call Relena back?"

"…No."

"Do you think they're overreacting?"

Heero turned to face Duo, his expression finally softening to a twinge of unease. "Yes and no. It's true that this isn't at all similar to the White Fang skirmishes. However, if the culprit is intent on hiding in the shadows, it's terrorism, not war. The public views those two ideas similarly, yet different. I definitely think we should start our own investigations into all of this. We'll see what Trowa and Quatre have dug up meanwhile and discuss."

Duo's nerves calmed a little at that statement, at the reminder that they were still a team. "For what it's worth, Heero…" Duo said softly, resting a hand on his knee. "I can't see any way that you could have said no."

"I…" Heero hesitated as he rose from the couch, unable to meet Duo's eyes. "Didn't have a good enough reason to say no – not when it's so obvious there's no one else to do it."

An old flare of something bitter welled up in Duo at Heero's choice of words. "No one else? What do you mean?! I'll come with you – I already said I would!" Duo's words had a bit of bite to them as he jumped up, wondering why he felt so disregarded. _We're working together, aren't we?_

Heero flinched inwardly, having known from the moment he agreed to the President's request that he'd have to ask something of Duo that the braided boy might not want to give. He certainly didn't want to guilt Duo into it, either, so he thought that his best option was to give him honesty. "Duo, listen to me…" he started slowly. "I made a promise to a lot of people that I would head up the training of the first Preventers recruits. Any of those people would agree that a request from the President of ESUN supersedes it – they all work for and with him anyway. But I can't be in two places at once."

As Heero's words sank in, Duo felt like an iron claw had reached into his chest, grabbing his heart and twisting it brutally. He bit his lip hard to keep the tears from welling up in the onslaught of feelings and took a deep breath before he answered. "You don't want me to come with you---"

"That's not true."

"The President didn't ask me – he asked you. And are you… asking me… Heero, you _know_ I didn't want to work for Preventers in the first place!" Duo was shouting now, but he didn't really care who heard him.

"I know… and I know I'm asking a lot of you when I won't be there myself – but Duo, you've got to understand!" Heero reached out to take the other boy by the shoulders, shaking him a little when Duo looked defiantly away, his face a contorted mess of changing expressions. "If I can't be in two places at once, if I can't do it myself - then the person I trust most to be there in my place is _you_!"

"You really mean that." It was more of a statement than a question, but Duo still didn't meet Heero's eyes. It meant a lot to him to hear Heero openly speak of the trust between them, but it didn't mean he was happy. "Even if it means we don't see each other again for months on end?"

"It's… not ideal…" Heero started, reaching gently with one hand to try and turn Duo's chin up. "It's not… you know it's not what I want. But…"

"But it's the mission," Duo chuckled softly under his breath, trying to keep the bitterness out of it. "It's that unspoken promise."

"Unspoken promise?" Heero questioned, glad when Duo finally lifted his eyes, though there was something in them that he couldn't quit place.

"Y'know, back in the beginning…" Duo gestured vaguely. "When you thought that… that I'd let us get in the way of it. But I didn't. And I won't if you won't. That's pretty much it, that's always been the unspoken code."

"I… guess you're right," Heero said slowly, thinking over some of the choices they'd made during the war.

"I _know_ I'm right," Duo said, trying to inject a little humor to keep himself from cracking. "I guess what I'm trying to say is… I don't like it, but I understand."

Heero nodded a little, then hesitated a little before asking. "Then… you'll do it? Because I can't?"

"I'll do it because it's the right thing to do…"

Duo sighed, leaning forward until he could bury his face against Heero's shoulder, trying not to think about how their wonderful summer had come to an abrupt screeching halt.

_o/~ And are there any words to say_

_that would ever mean enough_

_When the light runs from the day_

_will the darkness be too much_

_Will i ever be enough ~/o_


End file.
